Brian kept squirming, trying to get comfortable, which was difficult for a number of reasons. Firstly, he was sitting on a rug that felt like it was weaved using barbed wire. He didn’t have the benefit of Justin’s bubble butt so his bony ass was feeling the pain. 

Secondly, Mysterious Marilyn had insisted that they all remove their shoes and store them near the door. Brian was afraid that some envious, would-be fashionista queen would abscond with his Prada boots, which cost more than most people spent on their first car. Justin berated him when he voiced that opinion. Of course, Justin didn’t have to worry about anyone taking off with his paint-splattered Converse; little twat.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, Brian couldn’t help but notice the smirks that Marilyn was shooting his way. There was nothing more irritating to Brian than feeling like he was the butt of a joke that no one had shared with him. As he shifted again on the scratchy rug, he could see by the looks on Justin and Emmett’s faces that they weren’t sharing his misgivings.

Emmett was happily drinking his third Cosmo in as many minutes, while batting his eyelashes at a bear sitting at the bar, who was sending them over at an alarming rate. Justin, on the other hand, was chatting to Marilyn like they were long-lost cousins. In fact, Justin was positively giddy as he took in his colourful surroundings while interrogating Marilyn.

“So, you actually own this place, and don’t just work here?” Justin asked, barely taking a breath before launching into his next question. “So why did you call the bar Marty’s?”

When Marilyn was sure that he’d stopped talking and actually required a response this time, she answered. “Well, Marty was my daddy’s name. And I’ve been known to answer to that name, too, in my other life.” she added coyly.

Before Justin could start asking more questions, Brian decided to get this thing back on track before he had a permanent kink in his walk. “So, much as I’m enjoying this little chinwag, earlier you said you could help us with some information,” Brian barked at Marilyn “What can you tell us?”

Justin gave Brian a look that showed that he was not amused. “What Brian means is that we are having some difficulties, and we would appreciate any help you could give us in understanding the cause.”

Justin scooted closer to Marilyn and lowered his voice so as not to be overheard by anyone. “You see, Brian, Emmett and three of our friends were here last night, and none of them remember what happened. But this morning, they...”

“No need to continue, Justin, I’m aware of the circumstances.” Marilyn interjected, as she beckoned Brian and Emmett closer. “I’m going to tell you a little story, and it may help you in your search for answers.”

Brian scoffed at this bit of theatricality, but nonetheless he sat quietly, waiting for Marilyn to tell them what the fuck happened the night before. It’s not like he had any other choice.

It was an ill-wind that blew that night. The mist was rising, giving the city an otherworldly appearance. 

“For fuck's sake!” Brian interrupted.  "Last night was a balmy summer evening. Can’t you just cut the shit, and give us the Cliff notes version?”

After being violently shushed by all three, Brian resigned himself to being there for the long haul.

“May I continue?” Marilyn asked prissily, giving Brian an evil stare.

“Please, go on,” Justin urged.

As the clock chimed the final stroke of midnight, five souls entered the bar. They appeared to be full of life, eager to experience what Marty's had to offer.

“That’d be the E. Thanks ever so, Em,” Brian said sarcastically. Ignoring the interruption, Marilyn continued.

They had some drinks and seemed to be enjoying themselves. But to the trained eye, they were surrounded by a melancholy aura. There was a spiritual uncertainty which emanated from them like an energy cloud.

“Ooooh, ooooh!” exclaimed Emmett, excitedly. "What colour was it? What colour is MY aura?”

“Jesus, not the colour bullshit again!” Brian said scathingly. “Emmett, you can Colour-Yourself-Beautiful on your own time. Let the man, er, lady continue.” 

Marilyn waited until all was quiet once again before she continued.

As I approached, I realized that each of the souls had life-changing decisions which they were about to make, and they had varying levels of worry surrounding these changes. The Sapphic Sister had reached a fork in the road, where the only way to move forward, was to go back.

“That must be Mel, and her indecision about returning to Pittsburgh,” Justin excitedly explained to the others.

“No shit, Sherlock!” Brian teased, causing Justin to blush at his over-enthusiasm.

The Dreamer was concerned that if he followed his soul-mate on his journey of self-discovery, they would encounter great physical danger.

“What the fuck? How would Mikey be in physical danger?” Brian questioned, thinking that maybe Michael was worried that Ben’s condition would worsen while they were travelling. Marilyn, who was starting to become irate at all these interruptions, snapped back, “I believe he mentioned something about being bitten by poisonous spiders, and worrying that if he is made to shave his head at the Buddhist monastery, his hair may not grow back.” 

All three began to laugh. “Fucking Mikey and his comic books,” Brian snorted. Marilyn again waited impatiently to be allowed to continue.

The Rationalist was undecided whether to commit his heart and life to his much younger lover; not sure if he should believe in one who had so grievously betrayed him in the past.

Justin’s eyes welled up with tears as he looked at Brian. He felt like his heart was breaking, thinking that Brian still had some reservations about whether Justin was worth committing to.

Brian couldn’t imagine what had set off Justin’s allergies, but then it hit him. “She means Ted, Sunshine, not me,” Brian reassured him as he pulled a weepy Justin into his arms and kissed his tears away. “You and I are a done deal, you twat,” Brian continued, whispering in his ear. Pulling back a little to look Justin in the eye, he said firmly, “I’m all in, Justin. All in”

Neither Brian nor Justin heard the discreet throat-clearing as they clung together, kissing each other so deeply that it looked like they were one being. So eventually Emmett let out an ear-piercing whistle, which stopped everybody in the bar in their tracks. Completely un-phased by all the attention he had drawn on himself, Emmett just declared, “You know, much as I’m enjoying watching you two playing ‘Pin the Tongue in the Larynx’, I, too, have a sex life I could be pursuing, so if you wouldn’t mind...?”

Reluctantly separating from each other with whispered “laters," both Brian and Justin gave their full attention back to Marilyn.

The Alpha was consumed with devising the most swift and successful way to combine his twin loves; his creative self and his other self. 

As Justin looked at Brian, trying to figure out what his ‘other self’ might be, Emmett also turned to Brian and, in a serious manner, asked, “Do you think the Alpha is you or me?”

As Brian made one of his retarded faces in response to Emmett, Justin just had to ask Marilyn about the ‘other self.' Marilyn smiled as she replied, “His other half, his other self – what makes him whole.”

As Justin began to cry once again, Brian was decidedly uncomfortable, so he steered the conversation onward. Looking at Marilyn, he demanded, “So what other pearls of wisdom do you have to share?”

The Dramatist was worried that time would affect his potential in attracting a mate. He was contemplating ways to defy gravity.

“What the fuck, Em?” Brian spluttered, having been in the middle of drinking his beer when he heard that little nugget of information. “What have I told you about watching ‘Wicked’ too much? You cannot defy gravity, no matter how much you sing about it.”

Emmett reddened as he realized that he had to explain himself, judging by the expectant faces looking his way. “Well,” he said nervously, “I was thinking I should get one of those exercise bars put on my door so that I could spend part of each day upside-down.”

Justin looked at him quizzically. “Why would you want to do that, Em?”

Biting the bullet, Emmett took a deep breath and said, “...so that I could counteract the effect gravity has on my ass.”

This time, Brian was unable to stop spraying his beer out of his mouth, and disgustingly, his nose. Half choking and laughing, Brian couldn’t believe what he had just heard. But before Brian could make any sarcastic comment, Marilyn decided she had had enough interruptions, so she jumped in to continue her story.

The range and complexity of the spiritual needs of this group led me to suggest that they consult The Guru, one of our experts here at Marty's. His powers of sight, together with his ability to help his disciples discover their inner-most desires, made him the perfect choice to guide the five struggling souls to cleanse their auras. So The Sapphic Sister, The Dreamer, The Rationalist, The Alpha and The Dramatist all paid tribute to The Guru, and were granted an audience.

“Oh, Justin, honey, The Guru was soooo hot!” Emmett squealed as he pretended to fan himself. “If Hans hadn’t called me, I would have happily worshipped him – on my knees,” Emmett winked suggestively.

“So what happened then?” Justin questioned, eager to hear more as they seemed to be getting closer to what might have caused the high-jinks of the last few days.

“Well, I’d love to continue, but one of my clients has just arrived,” Marilyn replied, as she gracefully rose to her feet. As she walked towards her private cubicle with the new arrival, she assured Justin, “I’ll be back momentarily to answer more of your questions.”

Brian couldn’t help but silently congratulate Marilyn’s business acumen. By leaving them on a cliff-hanger, she ensured that they would wait for her return, and buy several drinks in the process. Very savvy. He tried again to make himself comfortable, knowing that he wasn’t going anywhere just yet.