Chapter 14 

"Hey.  I'm 5 minutes away from your place.  Want some company?"  Justin asked.

Brian wanted to see Justin, but what would he tell him about the reason for his being 20 minutes away at 11:00 at night?

Chapter 15

After the fiasco with texting the previous weekend, he knew that honesty and openness were critical to the success of their relationship.  He remembered one of the first conversations they had about slipping up and Justin agreeing to support him.  He took a deep breath and knew that this might be a test and he hoped that they would both pass it.  He hated to think that Justin would change his mind when he learned the truth but knew he had to be honest and explain the situation.

"I'd love to see you, but I'm leaving the diner on 9th street and am 20 minutes from home,"  Brian said, choosing not to disclose why he was there at this time of night.  He hoped Justin would accept the statement and not question him, but knew if he did he would tell him.

"Oh,"  said Justin, surprised at his answer, and mentally did some calculations at Brian's location. "That's down by the river, why are you out there at this time of night?"

"I met Cleo," Brian said, knowing Justin would understand the significance of his statement.

Justin felt his gut clench at the mention of Brian's sponsor.  He understood the role of a sponsor and the willingness to meet at a moment's notice when the person you were sponsoring needed you.  He was no longer Brian's sponsor but wanted to support him as well.  He also knew that if he asked Brian what happened he was walking down a slippery slope.  Discussions between the sponsor and the person they sponsored were private and unless the person chose to disclose the nature of their conversation, no one should ask.  However, on the other hand, he and Brian were trying to build a relationship and they had agreed to discuss the need to drink or a slip-up if that occurred.  All of these thoughts took only a few moments but he knew he had to make a decision quickly. 

"Are you okay?" Justin decided that this was the easiest question to ask. He had to balance his need to know what was going on with Brian with Brian's right to keep his recovery private.

"Yeah.  I'm good.  If you're willing to wait, I can be there in about 20 minutes.  I know you are getting ready for your show and have a million things to do, so I understand if you need to go home,"  Brian hated that he was not home and might miss out on the opportunity to see Justin, but he also knew that as much as he wanted to see him, Justin had an important career event in a few days and would need to be in top form.  Justin didn't need the added burden of dealing with him and his crises.

"I'd like to wait.  It was a last-minute decision to come by.  I thought I would surprise you.  I know it's late.  Are you sure you want me to come by?  You go to work pretty early these days,"  Justin said, offering Brian an out if he wasn't up to seeing him.  He really wanted to see him, but also knew it might not be the best of times to do so.  He remembered many late nights that often led to twisted thoughts that brought him down a rabbit hole.  

Brian laughed a little at their conversation."We are a pair, aren't we?  Want to come over?  Sure, but are you sure you want to come at this time of night?  Well, I know you get up early, so it's okay if you don't want to come.  We sound like two people who are walking on eggshells, afraid to speak their opinion in case we might hurt each other's feelings,"  Brian said as he summarized their brief conversation.  He was already on his way home, hoping that Justin was still driving in that direction.   No matter the time of night, he really did want to see him.  He still struggled with the notion that expressing his needs and asking for things was okay.  

"I'm pathetic.  You asked if I wanted company and I should have just said, yes.  So, let's start this conversation over again.  Yes, I would love to see you, but I'm now about 12 minutes away.  If you are willing to wait, I'll be home soon,"  Brian said, starting the conversation over.

Justin laughed at Brian's quick review of their earlier interactions and said, "You should be a comedian.  You have me laughing at your rendition of our conversation.  Are you sure you're calling is in advertising?  I haven't laughed so much in years. But I don't think you are a pathetic loser, so sure I'll wait."

It was Brian's turn to have his gut wrench at Justin's words.  Hearing Justin refer to him as a pathetic loser, even if the statement was made in jest, brought up all the negative feelings that he'd been struggling with earlier in the evening. However, his talk with Cleo had given him a different perspective and he knew that he was not a pathetic loser.  Instead, he said, tongue in cheek. " Are you suggesting I change career paths?  If so, I disagree.  I'm brilliant at what I do and I have no desire to work in bars every night."

Justin laughed again.  "Good, because I'm not a real fan of going to bars and I kinda like the idea of seeing you on a regular basis.  Of course, if you worked in bars and clubs at night, it would leave us time during the day to hang out.  We might find that it would provide us more time to get to know each other as the rest of the world is winding down its day just as we are starting ours.  Mind you, it would put a crimp in my painting schedule as there is absolutely no daylight in the evening so I would never have natural light to paint by and that would suck,"  Justin continued describing their new lifestyle, enjoying the silly proposition.  

"I like the idea of getting to hang out with you during the day, but painting in the dark does have some distinct disadvantages.  Of course, if we were vampires, we would be forced to do things only at night, and then changing careers to a comedian would work really well,"  Brian continued the conversation, enjoying their light-hearted banter, knowing both of them had no intention or thoughts of changing their careers. He appreciated that instead of just waiting for Brian in the parking lot by the loft, Justin was engaging Brian in a make-believe scenario.  

"Vampires?  Well, I never thought of that option.  I guess if you were a vampire, working in nightclubs till 2:00 in the morning would work really well.  Although as an artist who appreciates sunlight, it would make my life a lot harder.  I guess I would need to change careers too,"  Justin said.  He pulled his phone away from his ear, looking at the time, seeing how long they'd been on the phone, and estimating how long it would be for Brian to get home.  Based on Brian's timetable he would be pulling into the garage in about 5 minutes.  He put the phone back to his ear. "I'm in the parking lot across from your place.  Do you want me to grab a couple of coffees from the Sweet Peas around the corner?  I could be there and back by the time you get here."

Brian thought about Justin's suggestion, deciding that having a cup of coffee already there might not be a bad idea; however, if he had to make coffee, it would give him something to do. "Sure,"  he said, ensuring that Justin intended to stay.  While he knew Justin had agreed to wait, he had this fear that if he took too long, he might decide that he was better off just talking to Brian another time. He looked at the street sign as he passed through another intersection and calculated that he was about 5 minutes from home.  "I should be there in about 5 minutes.  This way when you get back, you won't have to wait and we'll have fresh coffee.  No need to wait for a pot to brew.  Great thinking. See you soon."  

As Brian continued to drive he thought about what to say to Justin.  He debated whether he should tell him about his aborted visit to Woody's or his talk with Cleo.  He thought about the pros and cons of each decision and remembered the meeting that he recently attended where the leader talked about lying and drinking.  He'd made his decision and looked forward to meeting with Justin soon.

As Brian pulled into the parking lot, he didn't see Justin's car and was relieved to see he had not returned.  He took the elevator up to his apartment and unlocked the door, smelling the distinct aroma of garlic, basil, and coriander. While he had put his mostly uneaten dinner in the fridge, the spices still lingered in the air.  His mouth watered at the smell as he heard his stomach growl, despite having had a turkey sandwich at the diner with Cleo. Smelling the Thai brought back his earlier unease this evening and he felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him.  

While Justin said he would bring stop by Sweet Pea for some coffee, Brian was still restless and put up a pot of coffee to brew.  It gave him something constructive to do rather than pace his home and will his mind to stop thinking.  

Before he had too much time to wallow in his feelings, the buzzer rang, announcing Justin's arrival.  Brian smiled at the turn of events of the evening, even if it had been a roller coaster for his emotions. 

He buzzed Justin in and opened the door, watching for the door to the elevator to open and let Justin out.  A few moments later, Justin exited holding two coffees.  He smiled at Brian and said, "Hey."

Brian waved him in and Justin handed one of the coffees to Brian.  Brian said, "Thanks."  There were so many other things he wanted to add, but instead, he closed the door and motioned toward the couch.  

Justin sat down and placed his to-go cup on the coaster.  Once he saw Brian do the same, he scooted over, gave Brian a quick kiss on the lips, and said, "I even put two creamers and sugar in it for you.  I hope it meets with your approval."

Brian took the cup and brought it to his nose, smelling the familiar aroma.  "I'm sure it's fine. I guess you've watched me a lot.  I mean, I doubt Emmett or Ted would know that I put two sugars and two creamers in my coffee.  You're a regular Barista.  I guess you could do that for a living.  People drink coffee 24 hours a day,"  Brian joked, returning to their earlier banter.

Justin played along and responded, "I could but then I'd likely have to work early in the morning and I'm not exactly a morning person."  He blew on his coffee through the small hole in the top of the cup and took a tentative sip to see if the temperature was acceptable.  "I'm glad I found a Sweet Pea close by.  They do have some of the best coffee."

"I seem to recall some of our earliest discussions were about coffee shops and who had the best coffee.  I'd forgotten about those earlier conversations,"  Brian said and then blew on his own cup and took a drink.  "Perfect.  I don't go to Sweet Pea, convenience stores are not my typical haunts, but I'm glad you have scoped out the landscape.  I'll have to keep them in mind when I want a quick cup."

They drank a few more sips of their coffee and then Brian put his cup down, looking at Justin.

"I imagine you are wondering what happened since I was out with Cleo,"  Brian said, looking at Justin.  

"You don't have to tell me, Brian.  I understand that you and Cleo have a unique relationship and those discussions are not something I expect you to share,"  Justin said, looking into Brian's eyes.  Whoever said that the eyes are the windows to the soul was 100% correct. Brian's eyes looked troubled, the lines around his eyes were noticeable, something he usually didn't notice.  It wasn't just his eyes, but his entire face that looked tense.  He hoped Brian would share what was going on in his life with him but he didn't want to push, especially since the relationship between Brian and Cleo was not something he had a right to discuss. 

"I know I don't, but I remembered a meeting that I recently attended.  The leader talked about how all alcoholics lie.  They lie about drinking,  They lie about wanting to drink. They lie about how they are going to get their drink.  All of their life is often a lie as they don't want to admit that most of their waking moments revolve around alcohol in some form.  I also know that I need to tell you about what is happening to me.  It is not about my conversation with Cleo, but more about where I am."  Brian said as he took another drink of his coffee.  

Justin listened and he felt his gut tighten but he willed himself to calm down.  When he kissed Brian a few moments ago, he did not smell the tell-tale alcohol on his breath.  Whatever had happened, it didn't appear that Brian had slipped to the level of actually drinking.  Another part of his brain reminded him that he could have slipped up as it was almost midnight and Brian could have had hours since he had a drink.  If that were the case, there would no longer be a residual smell or taste on his breath.  

Justin didn't trust himself to say, "I'm here and I'm all ears." He turned his body even more toward Brian, putting his knee on the sofa where his foot was hanging off.  It sort of looked like part of a number 4.  He was careful not to put his foot on the sofa as Brian was very particular about cleanliness. Instead, he nodded in Brian's direction, feeling that his actions would speak for themselves.  

"I missed you and was restless.  I've been attending meetings and writing in my journal, but tonight .... Well tonight I just couldn't calm down.  I drove to Woody's."

Justin attempted to keep his face neutral but at the mention of one of Brian's frequently visited watering holes, his eyes shut and his mouth opened.  He realized immediately what he'd unconsciously done and immediately schooled his face and closed his mouth, but his initial reactions were not lost on Brian.  

Brian continued, "I sat in the parking lot and had this stupid conversation with myself.  I tried to convince myself that no one would know if I went in and had a drink.  After all, it was the middle of the week and it was unlikely that Ted or Emmett would be at Woody's.  I sat there for a while, just watching the guys go in the door and remember what it was like to shoot some pool, have a few beers, and pick up a couple of tricks.  Nostalgic."  Brian stopped, finished the last of the coffee that Justin had brought, and was glad he had made a fresh pot.  Instead of asking Justin if he wanted more coffee, he got up, went to the kitchen, and poured himself a cup, grateful that he'd had the forethought to make a pot despite Justin bringing him coffee.  He placed the sugar and creamer in the mug, mixing it to his liking.  Justin did not follow him into the kitchen and Brian was glad that he chose not to join him.  It gave him a few minutes to take a few deep breaths before returning to their conversation.

He sat down on the couch and took a sip of his coffee and gave Justin a small smile.  Justin nodded his head, showing that he was listening and Brian continued. "Glad I made a fresh pot.  I thought one cup wasn't going to be enough,"  Brian said as he placed his mug on the coffee table. "  Anyway, on with my story.  I don't know how long I sat there.  I just continued to think about going in and having that first drink.  But then, a knock on my window brought me back to reality."

Justin looked at Brian, raising his eyebrows, trying to figure out where Brian's story was going.  He took the last sip of his coffee, but unlike Brian, chose not to grab a fresh cup from the kitchen as he did not want to distract Brian from continuing his story.  Brian's eyes were looking beyond Justin, somewhere in the vicinity of the door. Justin knew it must be difficult for Brian to share the story and he wanted to support him by giving him his full attention, despite Brian's inability to look at him directly.  At least Brian was sitting on the couch rather than walking around the room as he had been known to do in the past.

"A knock,"  Justin asked, letting Brian know he was listening.

"Yeah.  It was Mikey.  He recognized my car.  After I rolled down my window....  I couldn't pretend that I didn't see him, practically bouncing in his excitement.  I've tried to avoid talking to him when we're both in the diner, ignoring him, pretending I don't see him, or sitting facing the back so I wouldn't see him if he walks in while I'm eating. My strategy seems to work as he has not ventured my way."  Brian said, explaining how this was an important component of the story.  "Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that he knew that I was really not giving up drinking and he'd go in and order us a couple of beers and be waiting for me.  Before I could answer, he practically bounced with excitement and walked toward Woody's.  He just assumed I would follow."

"Oh, Shit!!"  Justin said before he could realize what he'd spoken out loud.  

"Yes, my sentiments exactly.  Oh, Shit! However, that was the exact thing I needed to hightail it out of there.  I watched him go in, rolled up my window, and left, calling Cleo on the way and asking him to meet me at the diner."  Brian picked up his coffee mug, took a sip of coffee, and placed it back on the coaster.  He took a deep breath and finished his story.  "So, there you have it.  I screwed up and that is why I wasn't here when you called."  Brian leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, and bent his head, placing his face in his hands.  

Justin wanted to scoot over and place his arms around Brian and kiss him until he couldn't think, but he knew that was not the right move.  While he was no longer Brian's sponsor, he still felt that he had to help Brian process this episode.

"I'm not really following you, Brian.  Help me out here.  Screwing up means you took a drink.  Unless I didn't hear you right, you didn't have anything to drink," Justin said, trying to be supportive and to figure out where Brian's head was.  Brian's brain was evidently sending him some negative messages and he wanted to help Brian realize that he didn't have to accept the messages but could interpret them in a different way.  

Brian lifted his head out of his hands and looked away from Justin since he still couldn't look him in the eye. "No, I didn't have anything to drink, but..." he stopped and twirled his coffee cup that was sitting on the coaster.  He wanted Justin to be mad, and upset, but instead, he was being kind and gentle with him.  "I went to fucking Woody's and I probably would have gone in and had a drink or three, picked up a few tricks, and thrown the last 10 months of my work down the drain.  And all because I was fucking restless.  I'm such a screw-up."  Brian sighed and ran his hands across his face, and then resumed his earlier position, elbows on his knees and face in his hands, eyes closed, not looking at Justin. 

"Brian, will you please look at me?  I don't want to talk to the top of your head," Justin asked, his voice soft and gentle.

Brian took his face out of his hands and leaned back on the couch.  He attempted to look at Justin, but his eyes were focused on the door behind him rather than looking into Justin's eyes.  

"That's better,'  Justin smiled, hoping Brian would see the smile, despite not looking directly at him.

"Brian, you did exactly what you were supposed to do.  You were tempted to drink and you called your sponsor.  That isn't screwing up, that's a success."

"Success would be if I had never gone to Woody's,"  Brian said, disagreeing with Justin.

"Brian, sobriety is a lifelong process and we will always fight our demons.  I have a little demon that frequently wants me to drink, especially when I'm having a shitty day or even more so, a few shitty weeks.  None of us are immune to the little demon,"  Justin said, sharing his struggles.  "Do you think you are the only person in recovery who ever went to his old haunts and thought about going in?"  Justin asked, his voice still soft and supportive, not accusatory as Brian thought it might be.  "Every time I'm stuck and can't get my muses to cooperate, I think about going down to the local bar, having a few drinks, and forgetting about life.  But, I don't because I know that I don't want to be where I was and I don't want to be that person.  That person was drowning in self-pity and uncertainty.  That person was miserable and had almost lost the most important thing in his life, his art.  No, I don't go down to the local bar, but I sure as hell think about it."  

"You still think about drinking?"  Brian asked, surprised at this new revelation.

Justin looked at Brian, glad that he was actually looking at him rather than the wall behind Justin.  "Of course, I still think about drinking. I think about it every day, but I know that I can't do anything about it and I've worked too hard to try and screw it up."

Justin had never talked about his own drinking with Brian. As his sponsor, it was supposed to be all about Brian, not about himself.  Justin realized at that moment that his actions were a mistake.  Supporting the person you are sponsoring could and should include sharing your own struggles with alcohol.  He realized that inadvertently he'd put himself up as a paragon of virtue, defeating the alcoholic demon and shutting the door to his world.  Only now did he see that by focusing only on Brian without disclosing some of his own successes and struggles, he might have left Brian with only half a picture.  

"I'm sorry that I never told you.  I was so focused on you that I guess I never thought to share my own struggles.  I think maybe there should be a training session for people who want to be sponsors,"  Justin said, realizing the monumental impact a sponsor has on a person.  "However, on the other hand, that wouldn't probably be a good idea since sponsorship is so personal.  There really isn't a one-size-fits-all."  Justin stopped talking, giving Brian and himself a few moments to think about his revelations.  

Brian had sat up on the couch, his face no longer in his hands when Justin finished talking.  He looked at Justin, seeing him in a different light.  He saw a man who had demons of his own and still struggled on a regular basis with his sobriety.  "How do you do it?  I mean, don't you get tired of fighting the demon every day?"  Brian asked as he found this conversation a very different one than he had expected. 

"Sometimes I get tired and I just want to walk in that bar or grab that glass of wine at an opening, but then I quickly remember what my life was like when I was drinking and I quickly realize that the taste of alcohol on my tongue for a few moments is not worth the rabbit hole that I could easily fall down.  I've worked too hard to succumb to its lures," Justin said, glad that Brian was now sitting up and looking at his face rather than staring off beyond the couch.

"Oh,'  Brian said as he played with his coffee cup again.  "You're telling me that I'm always going to have to deal with wanting a drink?"  Brian said as he realized what that meant for his life.  "I mean I knew that I couldn't drink and that I am a much better person now that I'm not drinking, but somehow the two ideas never converged.  You know, not drinking now and not drinking forever.  I guess I never thought about the long-term future. I've been so focused on figuring out who I am and what I want out of life that the other stuff hadn't really been on my radar."

"Brian, I'm not the sobriety police and I'm not your sponsor.  I'm just a guy you are trying to figure out if you want a relationship with.  While both our sobriety issues are definitely part of our relationship, there is a lot of other stuff too."  Justin said, remembering the reason this topic came up.  "You were saying that you were restless and that is why you went to Woody's." Justin redirected Brian to share the reason why he went to Woody's in the first place. 

Brian's eyes looked toward the ceiling and then quickly looked down again. "I missed you.  You've been really busy with your show and I really do understand what that entails.  I know when I have a big deadline or a launch that is about to start, I feel like I work 15-16 hours a day trying to get every last detail perfect.  Then when it is all over, it seems that the next big campaign just takes its place and the cycle starts over again.  I get that every little detail is critical for the success of the show."  Brian ran his hands over his face again, trying to remove the strain that was there, but not succeeding.  

"As I've said a few times before, I'm new at this relationship stuff.  I don't know the rules and I am not searching Google to get advice on the top 10 things to do when dating."

Justin laughed at Brian's description of people's use of Google.  This brought some levity to the tenseness in the room and Brian seemed to relax.  Justin was still there and he had not run for the hills as soon as Brian told him about wanting to drink and now that he was talking about missing him, he was still sitting on the couch and listening.  Both of these actions helped Brian calm down.

"I'm not used to wanting anyone around and missing their presence.  I know you are trying to answer my texts and I appreciate your efforts.  But tonight it just wasn't enough.  I can't tell you why tonight was different, but it just was.  I missed our light banter and I missed your smile and cooking together and..... Well, I missed everything.  I know I sound like a high school girl with a crush.  I guess I'm coming into my second adolescence,"  Brian said sheepishly as he explained his restlessness.

"And why do you think I decided to call you at this hour of the night?  I felt the same way.  Sure, my art and my show are important, but life needs more than work. People need a balance between work and play and for the last few weeks, the scale is really tipping toward work.  I was restless too and realized it was because I was missing you." 

Justin got up from his place on the couch and went to sit by Brian.  He reached out for a hug and Brian eagerly put his hands around Justin and squeezed hard. Justin felt Brian's strong arms engulf him in a much-needed hug.  Human touch was important and Brian knew that touch could express his feelings better than his words. 

After a few moments, Brian pulled away and said, "I needed that." He leaned in to kiss Justin who responded by opening his mouth and letting Brian's tongue in.  The events of the evening were quickly forgotten by both men as they allowed their emotions and bodies to take over where the words of the evening could not do justice. The human body is a remarkable instrument that can talk better than any master orator and both men allowed their bodies to do the talking.  

The two of them quickly found their way to Brian's bedroom where clothing was quickly discarded and the non-verbal talking continued.  Quicker than either man expected or desired, their bodies released their pent-up orgasms and they lay quietly in each other's arms. 

"I really am a high schooler again.  Getting off by rubbing against your body brings me back to some of my earlier forays with sex,"  Brian said glibly when he got up to go to the bathroom for a wet cloth to clean them up.  

Justin laughed again.  "I can absolutely guarantee with certainty that we are not time travelers and have reverted back to our high school selves.  I, for one, would not want to go back to high school.  That was an awful time.  I was bullied because I was gay and as I said, my parents kicked me out.  I like my life now so much better."

"I wouldn't want to go back to high school either.  My home life was less than stellar as well.  But I said that I feel like a high schooler.  I just remember all those silly girls giggling about the crushes they had on the boys and talking about them incessantly.  No, I don't go around giggling about you, but I do find that I want to talk to you and share little tidbits of my day with you.  It is a new experience and I'm not used to thinking about anyone but myself... well I do think about Gus, but not like I think about you."  Brian brought back the warm, wet cloth and handed it to Justin.  Justin cleaned himself and then took the cloth to the bathroom.

"Where do you want this?" he asked, not sure where to put the used cloth.

"Just put it in the corner.  When it's dry, I'll throw it in the laundry."

Justin put the cloth in the corner and returned to the bed.  "I like that you think about me.  I think about you too.  That is why I came over tonight.  I missed connecting with you."  Justin leaned over and gave Brian a quick kiss on the lips.  "And just so you know, I don't think of you as a high school girl with a crush.  You may feel like you're like those girls with crushes in high school, but I assure you that our relationship is so much more than a simple crush.  At least on my part."

"You don't feel that I'm being silly?"  Brian asked, eager to have Justin's opinion on the topic.  Cleo had already told him that there was nothing wrong with his feelings but he wanted reassurance from Justin that his feelings about their relationship were normal. 

"Of course not.  When people are in relationships they often think about sharing with the other person.  It's the shared experiences in life that connect and bond people.  High schoolers are pretty self-centered. Their brains haven't totally matured yet.  We are both mature adults. While you may be still figuring out what you want in life, you are actively making a new life for yourself.  I want to do it with you."

Brian nodded and said, "I want that too."  Brian looked at the clock on his nightstand.  "It's late.  Do you want to stay here for the night?  I'd like to have you here." Brian hadn't ever thought about asking Justin to stay the night, even though he could have done so earlier.  Gus was only with him a few nights a week and he didn't want to provoke Lindsay with the fact that Justin was staying overnight. 

Justin said  "Sure.  I'd like that. I want to add that I doubt many teenagers are having overnight guests while they are living in their parent's house.  We are not teenagers."

Brian laughed.  "I get it.  I'm not a silly teenager.  Just tell that to my brain.  It keeps telling me I'm being like a teenage girl with her first crush." He leaned over and gave Justin another kiss.  "I've got a fresh toothbrush I can offer you"

"I'll take you up on that offer."  Justin yawned and he didn't try to stifle it.  "I'm tired.  I've had a long day."

Brian got out of bed, went to the closet, and gave Justin a packaged toothbrush.  He gave him a towel and showed him where his toiletries were, motioning for him that he could wash up as well.  Brian had two sinks in his bathroom and used the other one.  After both men were finished, they retired to the bedroom.

"Do you have a side of the bed you sleep on?"  Justin asked.

"Not really.  You choose," Brian said as he motioned toward the bed.

Justin got in on the left side and Brian got in on the right.  Brian shut off the light on the nightstand and scooted over toward Justin.  He spooned next to the man, and Justin eagerly scooted back toward him.  Brian draped his arm around Justin's waist, closed his eyes, and quickly fell asleep.

Justin took a little longer to fall asleep.  His mind went in many directions. He thought about his crazy day, waking up at 10:00 and almost missing the meeting with the gallery owner, lunch with a prospective commission that Carol, his agent, had set up, and thinking about Brian in between appointments.   He thought about Brian sitting in front of Woody contemplating going in for a drink.  He remembered the first time that happened to him.  While he had not shared that event with Brian specifically, he had explained that it had happened to him as well.  He was glad that Brian was open to listening to both Cleo and himself regarding his feelings.  He thought about his feelings for Brian and how they had grown exponentially in the last few months.  While they had talked a lot about what a relationship was, he thought that tonight was the first time Brian admitted to having daily thoughts about him.  He was excited about their growth as a couple.  Lastly, he thought about lying in Brian's bed as they both fell asleep.  This was a big step for both of them.  Brian's asking him to sleep over seemed spontaneous and he doubted that Brian had ever considered an overnight visit.  But in his limited experience, asking someone to stay overnight meant that they had advanced their relationship to a new level.  He was excited about moving forward with Brian and for the first time that day, he relaxed, allowing Brian's embrace to calm him and settle his mind.   

TBC