Another week went by and Brian was busy at Kinnetic but made time to attend an AA meeting before he picked up Gus for the weekend.  He was looking forward to the weekend and to spending time with Gus and Justin.  Except for those awkward few weeks following Justin's declaration, he had spent the weekends with both of them. 

Brian waited in line at the school pick-up circle and since he was now a regular driver, the school no longer asked for his ID to verify that he was on the approved list to pick up Gus.  He was pleased that he had now garnered that status in the eyes of Gus' school and wished that LInds and Mel had the same respect for his rights when it came to Gus. As he pulled up to the circle, he waved at the woman with the clipboard, and Gus quickly opened the door to the car, throwing his backpack onto the floorboards. 

"Hey, Dad.  Are we going to the store before we go home or did you pick up something already?"  Gus asked, used to their Friday afternoon routines.  He put on his seatbelt and nodded at his father that he was ready to leave.

Brian smiled at Gus and pulled the car out of the circle drive.  Brian thought about the changes in his life in the last six months.  He never envisioned himself as part of the carpool crowd, waiting in line to pick up his kid from school and then shopping for groceries for the upcoming weekend. Sobriety had truly done a 180 on his lifestyle.  Hell, he was even dating, an act that he never thought he would desire or contemplate. 

Brian drove toward the local Whole Foods store, an upscale grocery in the area.  While Brian's lifestyle may have changed, his taste for the best in life had not.  He gladly paid the prices for premium options. 

"What recipe did you and Emmett decide on for this week?  Do we need any special ingredients?"

"I think we're good. We've been buying spices and stuff for a while now.  I think just the chicken and stuff for breakfast.  I think I finished the box of cereal last weekend,"  Gus answered. 

"Dad, I've been thinking about the programs you signed me up for this summer.  The art program sounds really cool.  Maybe Justin could give me some pointers," Gus asked, hoping that his father would agree.

"I think he probably would be happy to do that but you should ask him.  He'll be over tonight.  You can ask him then," Brian said, smiling as he thought about spending the weekend with Gus and Justin. 

Gus bounced in his seat a little at the news.  "Thanks, Dad.  I hoped you would say yes." He liked doing things with his Dad and Justin and Justin had shown him so much about art."

"After I signed you up, I got a few emails from the art program telling me about some after-school opportunities.  Maybe, if you like camp, we could sign you up for some of those."

"You mean I could do something during the school year?  That is so cool. Mom is always telling me how expensive stuff is and that  I can't do everything."  Gus said, repeating some of the common laments that his mothers used when he was asking for things.

"Gus, remember I'll pay for anything you need.  We talked about this.  If there is something you want or need, just ask.  Now, I'm not saying you will get everything, but you are my kid,"  Brian said, feeling angry at Mel and Linds for using their lack of funds to deny Gus' activities. Previously, Linds had asked him for a lot of money for Gus and evidently, the money wasn't going for things for Gus at all.  He was happy that he'd stopped giving them money for Gus and taken over that responsibility.  He never wanted Gus to feel like he did when he was a child, afraid to ask for what he wanted for fear of getting struck down, both literally and figuratively. 

Gus thought for a moment and asked, "So, if I told you I wanted the Millenium Falcon Lego set you'd buy it?" 

Brian sensed this was no ordinary request.  "And how much does this Lego set cost?"

Gus hesitated before responding.  "Um....  I think like $130 for the small one, but the tabletop one is $800." 

Brian thought for a moment before answering.  "Well, that is a pretty big ask.  Maybe, we'd have to talk about it.  I assume since you are asking, you wanted the big one?"

"It would be pretty cool Dad.  We could spend time together putting it together,"  Gus said, trying to convince his father that this was a worthwhile purchase.

"It would be cool, true, but I don't think that is something I'd buy right now.  I do have limits.  After all, I work for my money and if you wanted something that big, you would need to contribute at least part of the purchase price."  Brian felt like he was in a negotiation rather than talking with his son.  As time went on, he was thankful that he'd chosen sobriety as a result of Gus.  Gus enriched his life beyond anything he could imagine. 

"I didn't really think you meant anything.  I was just checking.  Besides, there are like a million pieces to it and I don't think I'd have room in my room at your place to store it while we were building it.  I don't think we could really move it back and forth between the living area and my room.  I guess I'll have to wait till I have space to build it."  Gus said, half taking out loud and letting Brian know that he was really just testing him.  Evidently, Brian had passed the test as Gus did not appear upset.

"What kind of programs do they offer in the afternoon?  Are there any photography programs?"  Gus asked, putting the idea of the Millenium Falcom to rest for now.

"I don't remember all of them, but we could check them out later. Right now we need to buy food for the weekend.  Justin will be coming over tonight and he'll eat with us tomorrow too, so we better buy enough.  Maybe we can even cook enough that I'll have leftovers for a few days.  I'm finding I like not eating out at the diner every night kind of nice."

Gus and Brian shopped and brought the food home.  After dinner was cooking, Brian went to the computer and he and Gus looked at the different offerings the school mentioned.  The buzzer rang while they were looking at the computer. 

Brian smiled and said, "That must be Justin."  He walked over to the intercom and pushed the button. 

Justin said, "It's me.  Buzz me up." 

Brian opened the sliding door to the loft and waited while the elevator came up to the loft.  He waited for Justin to walk out and waited until he reached the door to engulf him in a hug and quick kiss on the cheek. 

"I signed Gus up for a summer program and the school sent us information about after-school opportunities. Gus and I were looking at the options.  Brian explained as he pointed to the many open tabs on the computer monitor. 

"I remember my mom and dad discussing summer programs when I was your age, Gus.  I wanted to go to the art program and my dad wanted me to go to soccer camp and then when I got older he wanted me to go to some fancy entrepreneurial activity,"  Justin said.

"What's entrepre....?"  Gus asked, not able to get the long tongue twister out of his mouth.

"Entrepreneurial is someone who owns their own business.  It takes a special set of skills to own your own company," Brian explained. "Entrepreneurial.  I take it your Dad is a businessman?"

"Yeah.  You ever heard of Taylor Electronics?  That's my dad," Justin said and quickly added, "But my mom knew I wanted to be an artist and enrolled me in art camp instead.  I'm thankful she at least supported me there," Justin said, a little bitterness in his voice. 

Brian remembered a few mentions of Justin's mother and father in their many talks but didn't push him to talk more, deciding that later might be a better time.

"So you went to art camp?  Is that where you learned all about painting?  Did you learn about photography there?" Gus asked, curious about Justin's experience.  "I've always just gone to the GLC.  I think it would be really cool to do something else."

"You know Gus, I just know I've always wanted to draw.  I constantly want to pick up a pencil and draw what I see.  I'm sure the summer programs helped, but I can't tell you where I learned to draw."  Justin clicked on several tabs and looked at the information about the different programs.  "Here's a really cool one, Gus. It's a year-long program and they change classes every 2 months.   You'd get lots of different activities and you wouldn't have to choose."

Gus looked at the information on the screen.  "Dad, this one is really cool. Can I do this one?"  Gus asked as he looked at the price, hoping his Dad would agree and not think it was too much money.  Brian and he smiled.

"This might work, but I think we would have to talk to your Moms about it.  There would be some planning on picking you up.  I learned my lesson when I signed you up for the art thing this summer," Brian said, acknowledging that he did have to coordinate with Gus' moms.  While he could foot the bill, there were other things to take into consideration, something that Brian hadn't considered.  "Well, I think we can save this option, but we can keep looking.  Thanks, Justin for pointing this one out."

The timer dinged in the kitchen and Gus said, "Chicken's ready.  Let's go make a salad and can we have that crusty bread, Dad?"

The three of them went to the kitchen to finish dinner preparations, working together like a well-oiled machine.  Brian wondered if this is what it was like with all families.  They ate dinner and Gus regaled them with the latest events from school and soccer practice.  After dinner, Gus asked if he could play on his Nintendo Switch while Brian and Justin put the food away.  "After all, Dad, you're the one who wanted extra food so you wouldn't have to cook every day."

Brian just laughed at Gus' observation and told him, "Sure."

Brian and Justin were putting away the food when Brian came up to Justin and motioned for him to put down the container that he had filled with the extra chicken. Justin put the container down and turned toward Brian reaching out for a hug.

Brian hugged him and then opened his mouth for a kiss.  He quickly lost himself in Justin's scent and the feel of his body pressed against his own.  Soon Brian found himself running his hands over Justin's back, never going beyond his waist.  Tongues were exploring each other's mouths and each man was inhaling the scent of the other. 

"Hey, Dad.  I just got Mario across that crazy tower,"  Gus yelled out excited to have beat that difficult maneuver.  He didn't hear a response and looked toward the kitchen seeing his Dad and Justin kissing. He quickly turned away as he did not really want to see that, and returned to his game, hoping they would be joining him soon.

In the back of Brian's head, he heard Gus yell out to him and reluctantly pulled away from Justin.  "I heard Gus.  I guess we better finish up in here and join him. Maybe we could come back to this?"  Brian waved his hand between him and Justin, all the time wondering when he became awkward about kissing. 

They quickly finished up in the kitchen and joined Gus in the living room.  Gus looked at the two men, not sure what he was expecting, and didn't see anything different about them except for their smiles as they looked at each other.

"Dad, are you guys dating?  I mean I know you said you didn't date but I saw you kissing Justin in the kitchen and I've never seen you kiss anyone but Uncle Mikey and that is always just a quick kiss on the lips.  You guys looked like Mom and Momma do,"  Gus asked.  

Justin looked toward Brian waiting to see what he would tell Gus.  While they had talked about seeing where their relationship/ friendship would lead they had kept it to themselves. 

"Gus.  I like Justin and he likes me.  We like spending time together," Brian said, not really answering the question.  While he and Justin had discussed dating, they hadn't said anything to Gus. He felt comfortable with Justin and there was definitely a sexual attraction there but they had not really explored that option in-depth and he wasn't sure when that would occur.  Dating was such a formal idea and he was not really sure how to respond to Gus' inquiry. 

"But you were kissing him like Mom and Momma do.  Doesn't that mean you are dating?  I mean I think that would be cool.  I like Justin,"  Gus said as he smiled at Justin and then returned his gaze to his father.  "I think it would be really cool if you guys were dating.  But he's around a lot anyway,"  Gus said, making his own observations.  "Justin, Dad signed me up for this really cool art program and now he's going to sign me up for a Lego program too.  It's that cool.  Do you like to play with Legos?" 

Justin grinned at Gus' quick change in conversational topic, accepting that he just wanted to know his current status of Justin in his life.  He doubted that Gus had any real notion of what dating was and Justin thought that Brian's answer fits their situation well.  He already knew he liked Brian and dating was meant to figure that out.  I guess they were beyond the mere initial dating phase, but he really didn't know how to define what they were doing. 

"I didn't play with Legos a lot when I was a kid.  I was always asking for new art supplies.  I'd get really excited when my mom would take me to the art store. To me, that was my own personal toy store.  When I got a new set of pencils or new tubes of paint, I'd start to dream of the new project I'd create when I got home.  My mom even had a little corner of the sunroom set aside for my art supplies.  I couldn't really paint in my room since I needed a lot of natural light,"  Justin said, sharing a favorite childhood memory.

"So.. you knew when you were a kid that you wanted to be an artist?  How old were you when you started to paint?"  Gus asked, fascinated by Justin's story. 

"I don't know that I consciously knew I wanted to be an artist as a kid, I was just drawn to art.  I remember being little, maybe in kindergarten, and finger painting.  All the other kids loved the feel of the paint on their hands, but I was fascinated by how the colors mixed together.  I saw how the colors changed when you added more of one color than the other.  Mind you, I was only probably 5 at the time so I didn't understand what that meant.  I just knew I liked the pretty colors and loved making pictures,"  Justin said, reminiscing about his first formal art experience.

"I don't know what I want to do.  I love Legos and building things but I like photography too.  And now that you showed me how to really look at a painting, I like that too,"  Gus said, a little disappointed in himself that he did not know his path like Justin.  "Dad, what about you?  Did you know you wanted to be in advertising when you were a kid?"

Brian let out a big laugh at the question.  "Sonny Boy, I probably had no idea what advertising was until I got to college.  When I was a kid I rode my bike, played soccer, and generally tried to be away from home.  I took a business class in college and the professor suggested that I take a class in advertising. That's how it worked for me,"  Brian answered, hoping Gus would accept the answer at face value."

Justin watched Brian as he answered Gus, hearing the quick segue from childhood memories to a college class.  Brian had mentioned having a difficult childhood but didn't really talk about it.  He had not pushed him when he was his sponsor feeling that it wasn't relevant to any specific discussion, but now he was curious.  He was trying to get to know Brian, not as his sponsor but as a person with whom he might pursue a long-term relationship and he wanted to know all there was to know about him. He realized that he also owed Brian the same courtesy when sharing his past as well.  They had a lot to discuss and share, but they had time.  There was no syllabus as he so frequently reminded Brian.

‘I guess I have time to figure it out, then.  Do you have to wait till Monday to sign me up, Dad?"  Gus said, feeling less stressed about his choice of career.

"No, we can do it any time.  That is the beauty of online registration. Remember we have to talk to your moms first." Brian assured his son. "That will give you some time to think about what you really want to do."

"What are we doing tomorrow, Dad?"  Gus asked as he looked between Justin and his father.  Saturdays had become outing days and the three of them had been exploring Pittsburg almost every Saturday.  They'd been doing this for a while and Gus always looked forward to their adventures.  When no one spoke up, Gus said, "Can we go back to the park and practice taking pictures?  It's supposed to be warmer and people should be there.

Brian shrugged and Justin didn't offer an opinion.  "The park it is.  Justin, you live closer to the park than we do, but I assume we will be going to AA in the evening, and then you'll join us for dinner again?  So, why don't you just meet us here?  10:00 good for you?"  Brian said as he thought about the logistics and shared his thoughts. 

"That works for me.  Gus, we can practice taking pictures of the three of us and there is a sculpture park nearby.  Shooting people is always challenging since you want them to look natural and not posed," Justin said, sharing with Gus.

"That would be cool.  I hadn't thought of that.  It would be fun to take pictures of things besides plants and trees.  I hope we can get some really cool pictures," Gus said, already thinking of the things that he wanted to photograph.

"Gus, it's about time for bed. Why don't you get ready and I'll be in there in a few minutes," Brian said as he saw Gus try to stifle a yawn.

Gus said, "Okay, but I'm really not that tired.  Can't I stay up a little longer?"

"Gus," Brian said as he shook his head.  Gus knew not to argue with his father and reluctantly got off the couch and went to get ready for bed.

When he left the room, Brian said, "I'll be back in a few minutes, why don't you start a pot of coffee."

Justin nodded and went to the kitchen and set up the coffee maker to make a pot of decaf.  He got down the mugs and took out the creamer and sugar.  He didn't have to ask Brian where the items were as he'd been in the kitchen many times.  When he finished the preparations, he returned to the living area, having grabbed two bottles of water.

Brian returned a few minutes later.  Justin handed him a bottle of water and he sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Justin.

"Dinner was good.  I think we'll have fun at the park and I can't wait to show Gus how to photograph people. So many people just pose for pictures.  We can take pictures of the three of us but should stay away from taking photos of other people.  Some people take offense if you take their picture without permission."  Justin took a sip of his water and then asked, "So Gus thinks we are dating? We talked a little about it last week, but we never talked about Gus." 

Brian was expecting the question, having thought about Gus' comment even after he gave him an answer. "What exactly is there to talk about?  I mean that was an interesting observation from Gus.  I didn't expect him to ask about us, but I guess seeing us kiss got him thinking."

"I think there is a difference between dating and a relationship.  Dating is when you spend time with a person but they are not your primary commitment.  You've got friends, family, work, etc in your life but the person you're dating is just another aspect of your life. I mean you can date several people at once. Dating is a lot less casual than being in a relationship.  Dating, for me, is exploration, getting to know the person to see if you want to move into a relationship.  Last week we talked about sex and relationships and now we are exploring things further.  That is what dating is about."  Justin felt really comfortable discussing this topic with Brian.  He was happy that Brian was willing to explore the topic. He took a sip of his water as he heard the familiar gurgle of the coffee maker in the background.  He twirled his bottle in his hand and then put it on the coaster on the coffee table.

"When you are in a relationship, everything you do revolves around that person and how it will impact them.  You make plans for the future.  You think about them and how your actions will impact them," Justin explained his views on dating and relationships.  The explanation wasn't something he had ever put into words, but he had been thinking about this topic a lot lately.  Now that Brian was aware of his feelings, he felt comfortable and was eager to explore this opportunity.  He just hoped that the two of them were ready to date and that he wouldn't miss the opportunity because one or the other of them was not in a place to explore a possible relationship.

Brian listened to Justin's explanation and nodded. "I guess we are dating, but maybe we're more than that.  I mean I have no interest in seeing anyone else at this time and I like being with you," Brian said as he explained his thoughts.   "I've never dated or been in a relationship.  All I ever did was get my rocks off and I had a rule that I never did any guy twice.  Most of the time I didn't even know their name.  Pretty anonymous." Brian was not apologetic about his past behavior as it didn't impact Justin.  He had come to realize that his philosophy of no apologies, no regrets was a coping mechanism to avoid feelings of remorse but now he realized that he did regret things and he had to take responsibility for his actions.

Justin cringed a little at Brian's harsh statement regarding his former interactions with men, but he knew that Brian had changed.  He'd been with Brian almost every day for the last 7 months, except for that week following his kiss, and felt that Brian no longer had anonymous sex and had come to realize that his actions were not typical.

"While I said that dating meant that you could see other people, some people only ever date one person at a time.  I think it's hard to give a relationship a chance to grow if you are trying to keep track of a bunch of people and their interests.  I mean, I'd rather get to know one person really well rather than 3 or four guys a little.  It just never made a lot of sense to me to date more than one person.  It's like going to 3 restaurants to eat one dinner.  You go to one place for the appetizer, another for the main course, and a third for dessert.  No one really likes everything about another person but you have to find enough things in common to want to be with them,"  Justin said, explaining his philosophy of dating.

"Since I've never dated I can't say which way I like.  However, I do know that I like you and that is good enough for me.  Gus asked if we were dating and we talked a little about it last week.  I think the answer is a definite yes.  And on that note, why don't you come over here so we can finish that kiss we started in the kitchen?"  Brian said as he gave a huge grin and licked his lips in anticipation. 

"Sounds like a plan,"  Justin said and he scooted toward Brian to continue their earlier kiss.

Justin stayed for another hour and they enjoyed some coffee and each other's company.  When he left Brian got out his journal and special pen, sat down at his desk, and wrote.

I had a pretty good day.  Work went pretty smoothly for a Friday.  It always seems like some type of emergency occurs at 4:00 pm on a Friday, but since I leave early on Fridays to pick up Gus, I am not there to hear about the emergency.  Maybe I just interpreted the issues as emergencies as a way to justify my drinking at the end of the week.  Well, I always drank, but getting through another week at work was always an even better excuse to over imbibe.  I know Cynthia and Ted would call me if there were a true emergency.  After all, it is my company on the line and they know how I feel about its success.  There are some huge pluses about sobriety.

Gus is a really observant kid.  He saw me and Justin kissing in the kitchen and asked if we were dating since his moms kiss like we were doing.  I've never really thought about the term dating since all I ever cared about was getting my rocks off.  I told him we liked each other and that satisfied him, but when he went to bed, Justin asked me the same question.  We talked about what each of us thought dating was and since I really had no reference point, I just listened to his definition and decided it made sense.  This whole thing about asking other people's opinions is still really new to me.  I always just did what I did and really didn't think about how it impacted anyone else but me.

We talked a little about dating vs relationships and decided we were beyond dating but pushing toward a relationship.  I mean he said that a relationship means that you think about how your actions impact the other person and you do this all the time.  I don't think I'm there yet, but I feel like we are doing more than dating.  Since dating means getting to know the person and I feel that Justin knows me pretty well, I think we are past that.

However, I think maybe he knows me more than I know him.  He knows a lot about my drinking and since he hangs out with Gus and me on weekends, I think we've gotten to know each other pretty well.  But Gus is around a lot when we are together.  Maybe I need to take some time to get to know him when Gus isn't around.  We eat dinner most nights together and now that we don't talk about the meeting as much, I'm beginning to get to know him better.  It's interesting to think that I want to get to know him better.  I've never really been interested in doing that.  Maybe I am ready for this dating/ relationship thing.  It's been 7 months now since I took a drink and my life really has changed a lot.  I imagine that there are still a lot of things to work through and figure out.  I never thought I would be interested in dating or a relationship but I find that at least with Justin that is something I want to explore. 

Brian stopped writing and thought about their make-out session.  He found that he was satisfied with kissing and was somewhat surprised at that.  As Justin frequently reminded him, there was no syllabus for sobriety and he assumed there was no syllabus for dating and relationships.  He yawned and decided to go to bed.  They had a busy day tomorrow and he thought the weekend would be busy as usual.

TBC