Justin

Justin had been busy finishing the final painting for his show and didn't want to stop to respond to a text message.  His agent, Carol had requested a last-minute addition as the venue was bigger than anticipated.  He thought that anyone who was texting him in the middle of the afternoon was just taking a quick break from their day and he had plenty of time to respond to it.  After the finishing touches on the painting were placed, he stood back and looked at the painting.  It was an interesting piece, not his best work, but definitely not his worst either.  

He usually had several pieces started at any given time just in case he needed something in a hurry.  Of course, the idea that an artist could produce work at will grated on him, feeling the creative process couldn't and shouldn't be pushed.  However, he accepted that sometimes he had to take his agent's advice and have additional pieces to add to a gallery show.  He didn't want to have a show where he was underrepresented as a result of too few pieces on his part.  Therefore, he always tried to have a few paintings he held back from the original agreement he had signed with a gallery in order to offer any last-minute additions to a show.   

He had cleaned up his brushes and put them out so they could dry properly.  He'd learned early on that if you did not take proper care of your equipment, it wouldn't be there when you had the moment of inspiration. He picked up his phone to call his agent and provide an update on the two paintings, but before he could call his phone rang with an urgent call from his agent.  She informed him that the pieces he had shipped from his warehouse had not arrived at the gallery and when she had tried calling to follow up on the shipment, the company insisted that they needed to talk to Justin since he was the person on the original order.  

As Justin wrote down the number his agent provided, he was mentally calculating how many pieces were involved in the mishap and tried to come up with a game plan if the pieces were lost and could not be found.  It didn't do him any good to have a few pieces that he could add to the show if the main exhibit was lost.  It wasn't like he had copies of his work as if he created a limited number of prints.  He started hyperventilating when he thought of the hundreds of hours of work that he'd put into the exhibit and the thought that all his work could be gone.  If he had to drive around the city and hunt down the shipment, he would do it.  He wouldn't be able to sleep without knowing that his work was safe.

He made several calls, being passed to multiple people before he finally talked to someone who could assist him.  After explaining what the situation was for the 4th time, he was told that the pieces had been located but they were in California instead of Pittsburgh. It appeared that the clerk who set up the shipment had not been paying attention and sent his paintings to California while the ones that were meant for shipping to California were sent to the gallery in Pittsburgh.  He finally had confirmation that the company would route the paintings to the Gallery and they would expedite the shipment.  The paintings should arrive in three days.  

After the paintings were finally located and a new shipping date was established, Justin took a deep breath and a huge sigh of relief.  He called his agent and they agreed to meet for a late dinner.  

The text messages from earlier in the day were forgotten in the frantic search for his paintings.  When he arrived at the restaurant, he found Carol, his agent waiting for him at a table in the back.

As he walked toward the table, she stood up to give him a hug and then sat down.  "All settled?"  She asked, even though she knew that the crisis had been averted.  

"Yes.  I'm glad I always made a habit of shipping the pieces at least two weeks before a show.  I don't know what I would have done if the company could not locate them,"  Justin said as he picked up the menu.  "Thanks for the dinner invite.  I'm a little keyed up to go home right now."

"I can imagine. You said you finished the other two paintings I requested. That was fast," Carol said as she looked at the menu.

"I always try to have a few pieces started just for this type of thing.  I don't really like to paint on demand, but sometimes it is necessary,"  Justin said, grabbing his glass of water to take a drink.

"Well, I'm glad that you do that.  Hopefully, the show will result in some commissions that will keep you busy for a bit.  It's a balance between showing your work and fulfilling personal requests from your patrons."

"Do you really think I'll get asked for some commissions after the show?"  Justin asked, a little surprised by Carol's statement.

"I don't see why not.  It seems that your reputation is growing and there are more patrons at each of your shows.  At the last show, you had 5 requests, and after your pieces were shown at the emerging artist's exhibit, you had 2 requests. With each show, you are getting more popular and with popularity comes private requests. There is no reason to think this show will be any different.  Besides, I have seen your latest work and it is very upbeat and powerful.  I'm sure the public will agree that these pieces are some of your best work."  

Justin beamed at her praise.  He saw the waiter come toward their table and heard his stomach rumble.  

"May I offer you some wine or cocktails before dinner?"  The waiter said, looking at Justin.

"No.  thank you.  I'm ready to order,"  He said, wondering if he would ever get used to being asked to drink and turning down the opportunity.   He thought about Brian taking his clients out just like Carol was taking him.  Carol knew about his alcohol problems and would never order a drink in front of him, but he wondered how Brian handled the situation.  He made a note to ask him if the subject ever came up.

Justin order the prime rib with a baked potato and caesar salad and Carol ordered a sirloin steak with a baked potato.  

"The company said they would expedite the shipping and the pieces should get here by Tuesday.  That is cutting it close since the show is next weekend.  I guess if they don't show up we'll have to postpone as I don't think I can paint more than a few pieces even if I painted every waking hour between now and Thursday,"  Justin said as he grabbed a roll from the bread basket.

"I agree.  Let's hope they keep to their timeline.  I can't see pushing you to paint enough pieces to have a show by next weekend either,"  Carol said as she took a roll from the bread basket also.

They chatted about art and Carol shared some horror stories about past exhibitions.  Justin talked a little about his inspiration for some of his recent pieces.

"So, you have a boyfriend?  Good for you.  I remember the last one you had.  I hope you've learned your lesson this time,"  Carol said, good-naturedly.

Justin cringed as he thought about his last relationship.  "He seemed so perfect; attentive to my every need and always available.  How was I to know that he wasn't what he seemed?  He promised me the world but what he really wanted was my world.  He would tell me that he forgot his wallet or was waiting to get paid the following day and I paid for everything.  He was more interested in living off me than having a relationship.  I remember seeing him at one of my shows and he was just grabbing onto any drink or hors d'oeuvres that he saw.  I thought he just liked the food.  I was so naive."  Justin shook his head as he thought about Bruno and their short-lived relationship or more like short-lived dependency.  He took another bite of his roll, finishing the hot, fresh food.   "I guess I was just desperate for someone to like me that I fell for everything that he did."

Carol nodded.  She was enjoying this time with Justin as she rarely had the opportunity to talk about things that were not work-related.  She knew it was important to get to know her artists as persons as well as clients.  She was able to support them better.

"Thankfully, you wised up pretty quickly.  What tipped you off, if you don't mind me asking?"  

"I actually have to thank my sister for that one.  We were at an opening for an artist.  I don't remember who but I was really interested in seeing his work as I had heard a lot of buzz about it.  Anyway, we were talking in front of a piece, a sculpture I think, and Bruno comes up to me.  He then proceeded to ask me for money to buy a piece of the artist's work as it would be a good investment.  He didn't even bother to say hi to Molly or to ask how I was.  He just wanted money and almost caused a scene in the gallery when I told him no.  We broke up after that.  I told him I didn't want to see him and he just never showed up."

"Good riddance.  I'm glad that you got rid of him.  But what about the guy right before him?  You seemed to be good together."  Carol asked, enjoying their conversation and happy that Justin was willing to share.

"That was another short-lived relationship.  He was an artist too, but he was always putting down my work and letting me know that his work was more important than mine.  He even told me that I was wasting my time with my art and that he would be the successful one. I'd had a few successes at that point and luckily I ditched him too.  Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Sounds like you've had some pretty lousy relationships.  One guy thought you should support him and the other guy told you that you couldn't make a living with your art.  Quite a dichotomy."  Carol said.   It was Friday night and the restaurant was getting noisy as the patrons were filling the tables.  She was always amazed at how you could still have an intimate conversation with so many people surrounding you.  

"Those aren't the only ones, unfortunately,"  Justin admitted.  He had never had a conversation about his past relationships and was enjoying talking with Carol about them.  "There was a guy that I went out with once who talked about himself the entire time and then there was the guy who kept answering text messages the entire time we were out.  I could see that if he were some big CEO, but he wasn't.  He tried to come across as some big hotshot."  

The waiter came back with a basket of fresh rolls and explained that their meals would be ready soon.  Justin thanked him for the rolls and took one, realizing that he hadn't eaten lunch today and was actually very hungry.

"I've dated so many guys but nothing has worked out,"  Justin said as he thought about getting together tomorrow with Brian and Gus.  "This time, though, it's different.  We've been officially dating for three months and I miss seeing him and talking to him when we have work stuff to take care of.  I haven't seen him since earlier in the week, but I'm going to see him tomorrow and I can't wait,"  Justin said, the animation and excitement in his voice evident even in the noisy restaurant.  

"He's going to bring his son Gus to the show. He won't be coming opening night, but we'll go a few days later when I'm not talking to patrons. Brian says that he doesn't want Gus monopolizing my time when I'm supposed to be working,"  Justin explained.  The waiter brought their food to the table and Justin inhaled the aroma of the food which resulted in his mouth watering in anticipation.  

"Sounds like you've got a good guy this time; one that respects your work and has introduced you to his son.  That is pretty big in the dating world,"  Carol said as she picked up her fork and knife to cut into her steak.  After taking a bite of the meat she said, "This is delicious.  I've been meaning to try the food here, but have never done so.  I'm glad that we did.  Not that I ever wish that your work gets rerouted to another city, but it was a great excuse to sit down and enjoy each other's company,"  

Justin took a few bites of his prime rib and savored the perfectly cooked meat.  "I agree, but next time let's forego the whole losing my art part,"  

They continued their meal and Carol paid for their dinner when the waiter brought the bill.  "It's the least I could do.  Got to keep my artists happy, " she teased.  "However, while we aren't dating, you could make an argument that I am making a living off your art."

Justin shook his head and said, "Without you, I wouldn't have any art to be making a living off of.  You've been my biggest supporter and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your faith and encouragement in my work."  Justin stood up and walked over to Carol to give her a hug.  She stood up and hugged him back as she stifled a yawn.  

"I've enjoyed our evening, Justin.  Thank you for sharing."  They walked out of the restaurant and to their respective vehicles in the parking lot.  

Justin drove home and walked into his apartment, placing his keys on the hook by the door.  He was happy with his life and had high hopes for his relationship with Brian.  Talking about previous relationships with Carol had pointed out his poor choices in the past.  He hoped he had learned a lot from each of them, even though it had been painful to experience each failed relationship.  He wondered what Brian and Gus had planned for tomorrow. He got ready for bed, realizing the adrenaline rush and evening dinner had left him very tired.

In the morning he dressed and drove over to Brian's never looking at his phone to see the missed messages from him.  When he buzzed the apartment, he was looking forward to seeing Gus and Brian and spending the day with them.  Gus opened the door and immediately started talking.

"Justin, I'm so glad you are here.  Dad and I bought a bunch of art supplies to build a model last night and I was hoping you would help.  Dad wasn't sure if you'd be here today but I'm so glad you are."

Gus' enthusiasm was exciting and Justin was thrilled that the boy wanted and valued his presence. Gus grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the dining room table where all the supplies were laid out.  

Brian stood off to the side, not saying anything.  He didn't know what he was feeling and was torn between anger, happiness, and uncertainty.  

"Tell me what you are trying to do,"  Justin asked as he looked at the array of art supplies laid out on the table.  

"I want to make a map of the Lewis and Clark trip.  You know, show some of the mountains, trees, and animals they would have seen when they traveled.  I got some plastic animals to put on the map and thought I would put circles with numbers on them so I could set it up when I got to school.  That way I wouldn't have to glue them on and worry about them coming off,"  Gus explained as he picked up the package of the small animals that they had purchased so Justin could see them.  

"Is this the base that you are using?"  Justin asked as he pointed to the large piece of cardboard that Gus had laid out on the table.

"Yes.  Dad and I thought we would put the shiny colored glue on the parts that were rivers and then show the trees and animals on the side.  I even bought these fake trees.  Dad says they are often used in railroad displays and when they make a sample of a new building.  I didn't even know they made sample buildings. I bet that would be really fun to do.  Have you ever made a sample building?  Maybe we could do that sometime."  Gus was so excited about his project and Justin thought about the possibilities.  

"Gus you have a lot of really good ideas.  How long do you have to put together the project?"  Justin asked as he calculated how long it would take to complete the project as Gus explained.

"Just the weekend.  Our teacher gave us lots of choices.  We could write a newspaper article interviewing one of the people on the trip or we could pretend to be one of the people and talk about some of the things we found or we could do some art project.  It was up to us.  Since I really like art, I thought I would make a model of the trip.  Can you help me?"

"Sure I can help but you might want to think about making the project a little smaller.  If I remember my history correctly, the Expedition was a very big one.  You said you wanted to show the river and some of the animals found on the banks.  Since your teacher left the scope of the project up to you, maybe you should do a river scene.  I always found that a smaller more detailed scene is easier than a large project with lots of details.  The audience gets lost trying to see everything."

Justin looked at Brian for the first time, noticing that he was standing back and watching them rather than participating in the conversation.  "What do you think, Brian?  Do you agree that Gus should just pick out a scene on the river or keep his original idea of the whole Expedition?"  

Hearing his name brought him out of the fog he was in and he blinked and said, "huh"  

Gus rolled his eyes as he looked at his father with a mix of impatience and curiosity.  He was surprised at his father's response as his father was usually very attentive but he was also wondering what was going on with his father and why he was not paying attention to the conversation.

"Dad, Justin suggested that maybe I only do a water scene because it would be easier to focus on the final project.  What do you think?"  Gus asked, trying to bring his father into the conversation.

"Justin knows about art, but I wonder if his fingers are working these days," Brian said, allowing his feelings to come through.

Justin and Gus both looked at Brian as if he were talking gibberish. "What is that supposed to mean?  He's an artist so, of course, his fingers work, Dad.  You're making no sense."

"Gus, didn't you take my phone last night and text Justin?"

"Yes,"  Gus said, looking between his father and Justin.

Justin pulled out his phone and quickly scrolled to his text messages.  "Oh shit!"  he said as he saw that he had two missed text messages.  When he opened the text box he saw that they were both from Brian; one was the one he told himself he would get back to and the other one must have come in while he was at dinner or still dealing with the lost shipment. 

Gus looked at Justin, surprised by his words as he had never heard Justin use bad language.  His mother always got mad when he used words like that. "What?  Is something wrong?  Momma and Mom only say those words when there is something wrong.  Not responding to my text is no big deal,"  Gus said as he was trying to figure out what was going on.  

Justin said, "I think your Dad was worried because I didn't answer his text, and then when I didn't answer your text... well, let's just say it wasn't a good thing."  Justin did not want to put words into Brian's mouth or try and explain Brian's feelings, but he could read body language and Brian was not a happy camper.  "Hey, Gus.  Do you think it would be okay if I talked to your Dad for a few minutes in his room?  I promise to help you make the best project."  Justin looked at Brian, tilting his head toward his bedroom and silently asking him to join him.  "Brian?"  he said the name softly and Brian walked toward the bedroom.

Justin followed him and closed the door when they were both inside.  Brian stood by the window while Justin stayed just inside the door.

"I screwed up.  I take it from your behavior this morning, this is more than a missed text message,"  Justin said, not wanting to fill in the blanks himself.

"Let's just say that I haven't seen you nor really talked to you since Tuesday and I let my imagination run away from me.  It's a good thing that Gus was here last night or...." Brian did not finish the sentence, allowing Justin to fill in the remainder.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to forget your text, but there was a shit storm yesterday."

"It doesn't take long to respond to a text.  Really, that is the beauty of texting. No small talk and you can answer when it's convenient.  Yet, you couldn't find 10 seconds to respond to my text,"  Brian said, holding on to his anger at Justin.  

Justin knew he was wrong but still felt compelled to explain why he did not respond. "I had to finish two more paintings that my agent decided I needed for the show.  I know I told you that earlier in the week."

Brian nodded his head in acknowledgment.  

"I was cleaning my brushes and putting them out to dry when I got a call that the shipment of my work had gone to California rather than the gallery. I had to track them down since the shipping company wouldn't talk to Carol, my agent.  After I located them, she asked me to join her for dinner.  I forgot to look at my phone."  Justin wanted to give Brian a hug and kiss him, but he waited while Brian listened.  It was the hardest few minutes of his life in recent history.

"Say something,"  Justin said, wanting to fill the silence with words, questions, and assurances but choosing to let Brian process his explanation.

"Justin, I'm still very new to this dating thing.  What was I supposed to think?  We enjoyed some blow jobs and since then, from where I sit, you've kind of blown me off.  I got to tell you, I'm wondering if you didn't like it or have changed your mind about us dating,"  Brian said, allowing Justin to know his thoughts.

Justin had tried to keep to his side of the room, but Brian's words cut him like a knife and he couldn't stay away any longer.  He walked to the other side of the room and gave Brian a gentle kiss on the lips.  "Brian, you are.... How do I want to say this?  I thoroughly enjoyed our blow jobs last weekend and I definitely want to continue seeing where our relationship will lead us.  I will try to remember to look at my texts and respond but.... We talked about this.  I get caught up in my art and forget about everything going on around me."  Justin waved his hand in a sweeping arc.

Brian listened to Justin, taking in his explanation and finally letting the tension in his body start to dissipate.  He had hoped that Justin would show up today and that there was a logical explanation for his lack of response, but he wasn't sure and he did not have enough confidence in dating to recognize when someone was blowing him off versus an honest mistake. He took a deep breath and looked at Justin.  

"You haven't done anything wrong and I'm still here until you kick me out.  Maybe, after Gus goes to bed tonight, we can do it again.  Sure, it's not a date, but I'm interested if you are,"   Brian said, suggesting a make-out session.  He still had difficulties separating the physical side from the friendship side of their relationship.  Since he had never had any dating experience and all of his experience with men had been sexual, he struggled with the intimacy between them.  He had no qualms about enjoying a blow job or kissing, but he was beginning to realize that there was a lot more about sexual activity than getting off.  

As Brian stood next to Justin, inhaling his unique scent and feeling his nearness, even though they were not touching, a calming balm came over him.  He felt relaxed for the first time since they had last seen each other.  He leaned over and gave Justin a kiss on the lips, licking them to ask for entrance.  Justin opened his mouth, allowing Brian in and they enjoyed kissing for a few moments.  

Gus called out,  "Hey guys.  I still need your help with my project.  Are you about done?"

Both Justin and Brian laughed at Gus' interruption.  "We'll be right there, Sonny boy,"  Brian yelled out.  

Justin turned to Brian, he asked, "we good?"  

Brian nodded and said, "yep, we're good, but we better get out there or my kid may come hunting us down."

They rejoined Gus and worked on the project for the remainder of the day until it was time for Emmett to arrive.  They cleaned up the remnants of the project in order to use the dining room table for dinner, and Emmett arrived a few minutes later.  

After hugs and hellos, Brian and Justin left for their meeting.

The meeting was good and both men participated in the discussion.   As always, the topic was almost hand-picked for their current situation. 

"Today, we're going to talk about dating," said the leader.  "I'm Carl, by the way, and I've been sober for 5 years."  

A chorus of "Hi, Carl" came from the participants who were seated in a circle.  

"Many of us have been in relationships when we were drinking and our significant others were impacted by  our drinking."

Again, Carl saw a lot of nods.  

"Some of our significant others told us that they could not continue their relationship with us if we continued drinking while other people saw their relationships fall apart before their eyes.  Some of our partners supported us while others kicked us out."

Carl looked around the small group of men and women, watching them lean forward as he spoke, showing their interest in the topic.  "No matter what your experience, your relationships have been impacted by your drinking."

"My partner kicked me out and told me to not come back until I cleaned up my act,"  a middle-aged man dressed in a t-shirt and jeans told the group.  "When I had been sober for about 6 months, I went back home, but it was hard."

"I remember the screaming matches and yelling the most,"  another man said.  "It was hard on both of us.  I think I was drinking to avoid the battles."

"But I'm sure when you were sober, it was better," said a woman sitting next to him.  

"It had been so long since I was sober, we had forgotten how to interact without the yelling and screaming. it just was the way we were. When I  was sober, all the things that my partner didn't like came out. It was like it was open season to list all the things that were wrong."

Justin said, "That must have been hard.  You were sober but it still wasn't changing anything.  What did you do?"

"I left for a while and then we tried to date again," the man said.  "It was like starting over."

"And did it work out?  I mean did you get back together?" Justin asked, hoping that the answer was yes.  Brian was already antsy about dating and he didn't want to give him any further reason to question their relationship.  Justin glanced at Brian, trying to gauge his reaction to the discussion, but Brian did not have any facial expressions.  

"Yeah, eventually.  I mean we went to counseling for a long time and then we had to start dating again. We had to figure out if we still liked each other and wanted to be together."

Carl said, "That is a great transition to my talk tonight.  Relationships are hard and the ones we had when we were drinking, are going to change when we are sober. When we were drinking we were used to interacting with people in a set way but now that we are sober, we have to learn how to interact all over again.  It's like we have to go back to the beginning."

"I'm Sam,"  said a young woman in jeans and a green nondescript -T-shirt.   "I had a string of "boyfriends". She put up air quotes when she said, boyfriends. "I started drinking at age 14 and anyone who would buy me a bottle of booze, I was available to hang out with them.  As I got older and could get into bars, anyone who would buy me a drink was "my boyfriend".  I had a lot of boyfriends but no real experience with actual dating until I got sober."  She took a sip of her coffee, gaining courage as if it were something stronger, and continued.  "I had to learn how to date.  All I knew how to do was to have sex with guys so I could get all the liquor I wanted.  It took a while, but I no longer associate dating with drinking."

Brian listened to Sam, thinking about the similarities between them, and nodded as she shared her insights.  While he had no delusions about calling his sexual activities dating, he realized that his recent sexual encounters with Justin had brought a new level to their dating relationship. After they had enjoyed mutual blow jobs, he had the misconception that they had finished their dating ritual and could just go straight to the sex.  Justin had disabused him of that idea pretty quickly and he was still struggling with the definition of dating.  

"I'm Steve", said the man sitting next to Brian dressed in jeans and a pullover shirt.  "I agree.  I've been attending meetings for about 2 years and whenever this topic comes up I hear two stories.  People either have to learn to be with their current partner again or they have to learn what dating is, usually having missed out on the experience in high school as they were already drinking.  I've done both.  I got sober after 5 years of marriage and we just couldn't figure it out.  Too much hurt and anger and I think we had grown apart.  After I was clean for about a year, I started dating and realized I really barely knew myself much less what I wanted in a potential partner.  But I tried dating and finally found a great partner and we've been together for a year."

Brian listened to the conversation with a mixture of fear and hope.  Fearful that he and Justin were not going to be successful since he had no experience with relationships but was also hopeful as there were other participants who shared their success.  He hoped that since Justin and he had not been together when either of them was drinking, it would help their chances.  Also, since both of them were in recovery they understood what was at stake.  

Carl said, "I want to end our discussion tonight with some thoughts.  There really is no right or wrong way to handle a relationship.  Understand that drinking changes a person and when they stop drinking they are not going to be the same as when they were drinking.  Whether you meet your partner when you were still drinking or after you stopped, your drinking is always going to be a part of the relationship.  Just because you don't drink anymore doesn't mean it doesn't affect you."  Carl looked around the small circle of people and noticed the number of nodding heads.  He always liked to talk about relationships as people are social animals.  He'd seen many relationships through his years; some were very successful while others appeared to be doomed from the start.  

"Well, that's all for tonight.  Remember, we are all here for each other."  He stood up and walked to the coffee table to talk informally to the participants of tonight's meeting.

Justin looked at Brian, wondering what he was thinking about tonight's topic.  He appeared to be deep in thought and waited while Brian digested the information from the meeting. 

"I'm sorry for getting angry.  I'm not used to people not answering my texts.  I guess I need to work on that,"  Brian said, 

"And I'm not used to worrying about answering texts right away.  I am sorry as well.  I'm glad we are talking about this.  We don't want little annoyances to build up,"  Justin said.  He wanted to lean over and kiss Brian but they had decided a long time ago to keep their relationship private, at least during meetings.  While it was their decision to date or not to date, they didn't want to deal with the potential backlash if someone noticed.

"True.  I wouldn't mind other things building up, though,"  Brian said, licking his lips and looking Justin up and down.

Justin laughed.  "Well....I think that might could be arranged after a certain son of yours goes to bed.  It seems like I need to reassure someone that I'm still interested, but have been incredibly busy."  

"Let's go back to the loft and see what Emmett cooked up for dinner.  I know we spent the whole day together, but putting Gus' diorama together, and I know we both appreciate your help, hasn't given us any time alone.   I think after listening to the folks in the group, I'm beginning to see that I have some exploring to do."

"Sounds like a plan."

TBC