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Don't you  as0dz8ywgrwbf ##b when a good story comes to an end? Come Fly With Me! TAG

Chapter ^V>



Brian was having the strangest dream. It was like some bizarro-world version of ‘Leave It To Beaver’. Only, in this episode, Brian was the one wearing the pastel sweater set and pearls and making breakfast for the family in the kitchen of the mid-century modern split-level home in the suburbs. He pulled the frying pan off the stove and flipped two perfectly done pancakes onto a china plate before calling out, “wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey!” The next thing he knew, there was the sound of pattering feet running down the hallway and a second later two ET-like beings stumbled through the kitchen door. One had long blond curls framing its face and the other was wearing one of those bright red-felt beanie hats with a propeller on the top. The alien children screech-giggled at each other and roughhoused to see which would get the closest stool at the kitchen island. Brian was about to chastise them for this unruly behavior when Justloq - back in his blue uniform with full blue face paint - ambled into the room, giving Brian a kiss on the cheek. 


“Morning, Sunshine,” Justloq greeted his man. “My panty shields make me feel fresh and clean all day!”


“What?” Brian asked, totally confused. 


“Good morning, Starshine! The Earth says ‘hello’!” the ET children sang out. 


The Justloq added, “you twinkle above me. I twinkle below . . .”


Dream Brian, who was, for some reason, grievously offended by this, immediately countered. “I’m not a twink. You’re the twink!”


In response to which, all three aliens began to chant, “twinkle, twinkle. Twinkle, twinkle. Twinkle, twinkle,” while pounding out a repetitive double beat on the counter tops or their plates or with their feet. 


“Stop! Stop it! I’m not a twink. I’m not! I’m NOT a twink!” Brian yelled back at them. 


Justloq - who now looked a lot like Buzz Lightyear, only in blue - merely hissed at him, “to infinity and beyond, Brrrryon!” 



Frantically, Brian tried to retreat from his threatening alien family, but just when it seemed like he might get away, he tripped over the weird alien robot dog and fell, his escape thwarted, allowing the aliens to close in for the kill . . . 


“Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey, Brrrryon!” a real-life Justloq was whispering in his ear as the poor, disoriented human jerked awake. As soon as he saw that Brian was once again among the living, the blue-haired alien added a very loud, “Gooooooood Morning, Vietnam!” He actually did a pretty good Robin Williams imitation too, if Brian was being honest.


“Fuuuuuuuck!” Brian moaned and let his head fall back atop the slim alien chest. “It wasn’t just a really bad drug trip, was it?”


“People on ‘ludes should not drive,” Justloq advised, looking wise.


“No shit, Jeff Spicoli,” Brian moaned. “Unfortunately, this isn’t Ridgemont High and my name isn’t ‘Brad’.” Brian started to get up but his Blue alien lover wasn’t about to let him leave yet and pulled the human back into his embrace. Brian really didn’t want to fight him, though, so he let himself be held, snuggled in Justloq’s strong arms. “Shit, Blue . . . Everything that happened, it’s really real? All of it?”


“I'm as real as it gets, Baby,” Justloq confirmed.


Since Brian didn’t know what to do or say, he just laid there, relaxing back into the feeling of contentment Justloq’s touch engendered and smiled. Why fight it, right? After the night he’d just had, why would he even WANT to fight it? Especially when everything felt so fucking right. So he just laid there, wallowing in the feelings of happiness that enveloped him, and listened to the sounds of his alien lover’s heartbeat.


‘Thump-thump-thump-thump, thump-thump-thump-thump, thump-thump-thump-thump . . .”


“You have the strangest heartbeat,” Brian commented after a bit. “It sounds almost like you have two hearts.”


“Don’t you?” Blue asked with an almost human-looking smile. 


“No,” Brian giggled - yes, he actually giggled like a fucking school-girl, he was THAT happy - and twisted so he could leave a kiss on the pec below his ear from whence the heartbeats emanated. “Humans only have one heart.”


“Ah. Poor achey, breaky heart,” Justloq whispered, reaching over to pat at Brian’s chest in a teasing manner. 


“If you start singing country music songs, I’m throwing you out,” Brian teased back. 


“Never!” Justloq promised, sealing the deal with a kiss that left Brian breathless again.


Before they could get lost once more in the throes of z’dsj;copl, they were interrupted by a loud knocking on the glass panel that separated the bedroom from the rest of the loft. A second later Com’dant Dreebo stuck his head into the room and screeched. “Justloq, “S )*yw3VRO YZSDFC H Vn ;ds.”


“What did he say?” Brian asked, although he suspected whatever he’d said wasn’t good. 


Justloq shrugged, and with one last kiss, explained. “No more water. Time to finish repairs.”


Brian groaned at the loss of his comfy, warm bedmate but, despite having got practically no sleep the night before, what with all the zagnut pleasure dancing, he felt too energized and happy to just lie there. He crawled out of bed, managed to find his way to the bathroom, and eventually even located some clothes. However, when he finally emerged from the bedroom, he almost turned immediately around and went right back to bed. No way was he ready to deal with the destruction that was his loft right then.


“What the fuck happened here?” Brian demanded, scanning the overturned furniture, the broken light fixture, and the randomly spaced naked bodies laying all over his normally pristine loft. 


“Brrryon doing handstands,” Daph, now back to her usual female form,  answered and picked up an overturned barstool. 


“And juggling,” Justloq added, grinning at Brian from where he was standing in the living room, examining the miniature skidoo spaceship. 


“You are not very good,” Dreebo critiqued judgmentally. 


“Yeah, well, blame Dr. Love over there.” Brian playfully stuck his tongue out at Justloq, happy that alien love-touch hangovers didn’t come with a headache. 


“Mmmmmuuuuhhhh uuugggghhh!” a muted moaning, coming out from under a pile of cushions on the couch, cut into Brian’s flirtation. “Did anyone get the license plate of the fucking truck that ran me over last night . . .”


Lifting up the closest pillow, Brian discovered the owner of the moaning was none other than Pittsburgh’s very own Southern Queen, Emmett P. Honeycutt, himself. 


“Rise and shine, little darlin,” Brian laughed and then whacked his friend over the head with the pillow. 


“What the hell happened . . .” Em muttered, looking around himself in much the same way Brian had done just a few minutes before. When his gaze landed on the big red alien who was now chattering away with Justloq on the other side of the coffee table, the embarrassed nelly queen actually blushed, his scarlet cheeks almost matching the color of Dreebo’s hair. “Oh. Yeah . . . THAT happened.”


“I take it you enjoyed yourself last night, Emmy Lou?” Brian kidded. 


“I think so . . .” He sat up carefully and shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “I mean . . . Dayum.”


“Yeah. Pretty much,” Brian agreed.


They weren’t given any longer to compare notes, though, because all the human chattering and the alien screeching, as well as the clanking noises now coming from inside the little skidoo on the table - Brian assumed that was where his Blue had disappeared to - had roused the rest of the orgy participants. There were naked men slowly coming to consciousness everywhere you looked. The biggest pile of them, congregated on the large floor cushions in the corner, slowly untangled itself with various complaints, moans, grunts, and groans. 


The majority of this blond boy brood seemed to be substantially more fucked out than even Brian or Em had been. Go, Daph! It took quite a while to sort them all out. Several of them kept looking around with confusion, as if trying to find something they’d lost, side-eyeing the dark-skinned, yellow-haired female helping them gather their clothing together, and muttering to each other about what a strong resemblance she had to the guy they thought they’d fucked the night before. 


When all seven of the blond groupies were on their feet and fully attired, Daph led them to the door and ushered them out with a haughty ‘Lord of the Rings’ quote: “farewell, my brave Hobbits. Here, at last, on the shores of the sea, comes the end of our fellowship. Buh-bye!” And she slammed the door closed in their collective faces. 


Then, without another thought for her discarded and deluded lovers, Daph joined Dreebo, where they began quietly screeching at each other and pointing to the miniature spaceship rocking to and fro atop the Mies van der Rohe accent table. As soon as Daph had received her orders from her commander, she twisted a dial on the alien utility belt she was wearing and immediately started shrinking, not stopping until her body was only about the size of Brian‘s index finger. Which was, of course, the perfect size to allow her to climb inside the broken spaceship in order to join her blue companion in the necessary repairs. 


“I . . . I . . . I . . .” Em stammered, pointing weekly towards the spot where the blonde alien had just disappeared into what appeared to be a toy Skidoo. “I don’t think I’m feeling well. I think . . . I think I better go home now. Except . . . Well . . . I may need a little help.” Brian looked over to where his still-naked friend was lolling on the couch like a jellyfish. “Um, I may - and this is a first even for ME - but, I think I may have been fucked so hard and so well that I actually servered my spinal cord. At least, that’s the only explanation I can think of for why my legs won’t work . . .” He looked up at Brian, a worried frown marring his face. “Please tell me it’s only temporary and that I’ll eventually get the feeling back in my lower extremities . . . Please?”


“Hey, Big Red,” Brian waved the alien commander over. “Some assistance here, please. I think Em might’ve overdone it a bit last night.”


Dreebo strode over to the couch, ‘hmmmmed’ down at his prior night's conquest, and then screeched something loudly over his shoulder in the direction of the tiny spaceship. In response, Justloq climbed out of the top of the model spaceship, re-enlarged himself, and trotted over to join the group staring down at a reclining Emmett. Then the helpful alien unclipped a small metal wand from the side of his own utility belt and twisted the tip, causing the instrument to hum slightly, before waving the object over the length of Em’s body. 


“Kiss the boo-boo, make it all better,” the little blue alien ordered his hulky red comrade when he was done.


With a grimace that your average alien probably considered a kindly smile, Dreebo bent down and tenderly kissed Emmett’s lips. “Good as new,” he declared. 


Of course, the cure for being totally fucked out by an alien wasn’t instantaneous. Emmett still seemed a little unsteady on his feet, although he was much improved. Brian decided he’d better call a cab to make sure his friend would get home safely. Dreebo gallantly offered to carry the wobbly queen down to the waiting taxi when it arrived. 


As the dashing red alien hefted Emmett into his strong arms, the ever-flirty bottom boy coyly asked, “so, Red, when will I see you again?”


Dreebo, though, merely shook his head and replied, “we’ll always have Paris.” 


“But . . . But . . . No. You can’t just . . . You can’t just leave. Not like this. Please, Red, stay . . . Please.” Brian could still hear his love-lorn friend begging as Dreebo rounded the corner on the stairs. “You can’t leave me like this. I want to have your baby . . .” 


Justloq, who had quietly come up behind Brian, slid the loft door closed so they wouldn’t have to listen to the pleading any longer. “Dreebo is  SPOD(*fuscvn nomimale - not boy or girl - but mostly prefers females for z’dsj;copl,” Justloq explained with a shrug. “Also, has a zs98cysv - wife - back home on cUMSHOLK.” 


“What did I say?” Brian shook his head dismissively. “There’s no such thing as ‘Mr. Right’.”


Justloq looked like he was going to argue that point, reaching out to grab Brian’s hand, but was called away by another insistent screeching coming out of the ship. “Later, alligator,” he promised and left Brian in order to do his duty with the ship repairs. 


*VSOPDIFU z’dsj;copl DPGFHDTH*


For the next several hours the three aliens worked diligently doing fuck-knew-what in their miniture ship. 


Brian, who in contrast to his friend Emmett’s enfeebled state, still felt incredibly energized, ordered-in breakfast for them all and then decided to take another stab at placating Cynthia. It took a little convincing, and a strategic offer of a raise, but he eventually managed to sweet talk his assistant into helping reschedule the Liberty Air presentation and running interference with the art department to get the changes Brian wanted made on the boards completed in time. All the while he was working, though, Brian kept an eye on the aliens while they puttered around, miniaturizing themselves to get into the ship then re-enlarging themselves again, over and over.


At the same time, a certain little blue-haired alien seemed equally unable to focus on his work. Justloq’s eyes seemed to stray towards Brian just as often as the reverse. Occasionally, as he passed by, the extraterrestrial would detour close enough that he could run a finger along Brian’s shoulders or touch his hand. Each touch caused a tiny echoing tremor of connection to arc through Brian’s body. It was as if, whatever connection they’d forged the night before was still there, just beneath the surface. The conflagration was ready to be reignited with the least little spark. Before long Brian found himself making excuses to go over and see how his guests were progressing with their work just so he could be near enough to brush against his Blue’s shoulder or leave a seemingly innocent kiss on the soft cheek. They were drawn together against their will. 


When the repair crew stopped for a late lunch - upon Brian’s recommendation they agreed to Thai takeout, because you couldn’t come all the way to Earth for a visit without at least trying the best damn cuisine this tiny blue planet had to offer - he found himself naturally gravitating to the end of the couch where his favorite alien was sitting. He readily let the deceptively young-looking male wrap a possessive arm around his waist and pull him in until they were snuggled up together just like some lovesick couple, and he didn’t even care. It was a relief to be touching again. It felt so amazingly good. They weren’t even doing anything overtly sexual; they were just sitting together and laughing and eating Thai. But it was the most perfect and natural thing in the world. And when he playfully stole a bite of spring roll off Justloq’s fork, it didn’t even faze him how domesticated and relationshipy it looked.


Later, when they were sipping a couple of beers while digesting their meal, and both Dreebo and Daph had conveniently made themselves scarce, Brian curled up into the space under the alien boy’s shoulder. He’d really never felt this content before in his life. If he hadn’t felt so utterly serene, he might have even freaked out about it a little. 


“So, tell me about Cums-a-lot. Is it nice there? Is it like Earth? Do you have oxygen on the surface?” Brian found himself asking, as if making light conversation was a regular thing for him. 


“Yes. It is beautiful,” Justloq elucidated. “Especially in zs 0d8yzsnd - your equivalent of Summer, I believe you’d call it - when the second sun sets beneath the ring of the blue asteroid belt. The sky is a most pleasant purple then. Very much nice.”


“You have two suns? Doesn’t it get hot?”


“No too hot. They are very far away from cUMSHOLK. It is a large solar system.”


“Hmmm.” Brian snuggled closer and took another sip of his beer. “Is driving a UFO and searching for asteroids a good job?”


Justloq shrugged and left a kiss on Brian’s ear before answering, “I love the smell of commerce in the morning.”


“Damn. I would have thought an advanced society capable of traveling the stars would have grown beyond crass capitalism,” Brian joked. “Oh, well. Does that mean they have advertising there too? Maybe I could find a job selling travel packages to Earth tourists or something?”


Justloq made a screechy alien giggle and squeezed Brian tighter to his side.


“Does making yourself small and then big again over and over hurt? I mean, like, you’d think it would eventually cause genetic damage or something . . .”


Justloq shook his head and reassured him, “safe as houses.”


“Well, that’s good.” Brian sipped at his beer again for a minute or two. “Speaking of houses, do you own your home or rent?”


“A 08ufaevnaivf;0 84y809kjdnv;s8iye5v 82239@@@” Com’dant Dreebo interrupted, thankfully, before Brian completely emasculated himself. 


Justloq gave his human one more kiss before getting up. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Then he followed his boss back over to the work area and left Brian to mull over his unprecedented descent into wannabe coupledom.


*VSOPDIFU z’dsj;copl DPGFHDTH*



The repairs were completed by sunset. 


Brian, who was grappling with the confusing rush of unfamiliar emotions he’d been suffering all day, had retreated to his bedroom by that point. He knew it was time even before Justloq came to give him the news based on the weird, subsonic mechanical rumbling that began out in his living room. So, when his alien lover came up the steps towards him, he refused to let the boy speak. He just pulled his Blue Boy down onto the bed with him and stopped up all the unwelcome words with kisses. 


“Brrrryon . . .”


“Shhh!” Brian ordered, one finger over the other’s lips so Justloq couldn’t say anything further. “Will you just shut the fuck up and make with the love touch thing already so my pleasure appendage can get reacquainted with your zagnut one last time.”


“Very much yes, Brrryon,” Blue answered as he stroked Brian’s cheek with a rainbow-hued caress.


Several eons later - or maybe just a couple hours, who knew when you were that blissed out - Brian was roused out of a supremely restful post-z’dsj;copl nap. 


“[ 09udfaw r vclrn8vy ahdv we9bpfszhdc azdos; dzo$” Daph screech-whispered at them from around the edge of the closest dividing panel. 


“Daph says it’s time to go, Brrrryon,” Alien Boy Blue translated quietly. 


And what was Brian supposed to say to that? He wasn’t some pathetic pussy-boy. He didn’t do love. Right? So, without saying anything, he tamped down all those messy emotions he’d been fighting all day, got up, and started dressing. 


Meanwhile the three aliens held a hissing screech-fest over in the corner, but Brian just ignored them. 


“I’m assuming you’ll want to head back to the park by the river?” Brian suggested. “You’ll have more room to re-enlarge your Skidoo over there. Plus, it’s less likely my neighbors will see you taking off and call out the National Guard.”


“Yes. That will be acceptable, Brrryon. Much thanking you,” Dreebo responded formally. 


Of course Daph ruined the solemnity of the moment by breaking out into the Golden Girls theme song, “thank you for being a friend! I traveled down a road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant . . .”


“Yeah. And you’re a freak, Daph,” Brian joked half-heartedly. “Well, let’s get this show on the road already . . .” adding under his breath, ‘. . . so I can get back to doing boring human things until I keel over from the monotony of it all.”


The aliens quickly re-attired themselves in their furry ‘uniforms’, complete with the face-paint markings that indicated their various ranks. Brian sighed, grabbed his wallet and keys, and turned his back on the sight of his crazy weekend guests. Daph hoisted the mini-spaceship onto her hip. On the way to the door, Justloq reached out and tried to stop him, but Brian shrugged him off without even a glance backwards. The fun was over and it was high time he got back to reality.


Only, they didn’t quite make it out of the loft.


When Brian pulled open the front door he discovered an angry Michael Novotny, one fist raised as if about to knock. “What the fuck happened over here last night, Brian? Emmett’s been a fucking fall-down mess all day. He said something about you hosting an orgy and then he broke into tears and all I could get out of him after that was that he wants to have some guy’s baby? He’s seriously fucked up.”


“It wasn’t like that, Mikey . . .” Brian started to explain but was cut off before he could get a full sentence out.


“That’s bullshit, Brian! You should’ve been looking out for him. He’s your friend. But, no, you were probably off getting high as a kite and fucking your brains out instead of making sure some abusive rando wasn’t terrorizing your friend!” Michael growled, hands on hips, looking a lot more like his mother than he probably knew right then. “You’ve done a lot of shitty things in your life, Brian, but this has gotta top them all.”


“I don’t have time for this right now, Mikey.” 


He started to close the door in Michael’s face, but the angry little Italian wasn’t having that. “No. We’re going to talk about this, and we’re gonna talk about it now. You’ve been an asshole ever since I got back from Portland, Brian, and I’ve had just about enough.”


Michael reached out and grabbed a hunk of Brian’s shirt in an effort to try to prevent him from escaping. The force of the movement caused Brian to stumble back a pace. But when Michael shoved open the door so he could follow Brian inside, he found himself confronted not only by his longtime best friend, but also by three furry technicolored aliens.


“What the hell?!?” 


At least the odd sight finally shut up Michael’s griping, Brian thought to himself. “You remember the Finland guys, right, Michael?”


“But . . . But . . . What?”


“I’d love to stay in chat but we were just on our way out.” Brian shoved his way past the stunned human, all three alien visitors on his heel, and proceeded to lead his merry band down the stairs. “Mind locking up for me, Mikey?”


Unfortunately, Michael managed to regain his senses before Brian‘s troop made it all the way out of the building. He came pelting down the stairs after them, screaming like his hair was on fire. “Brian! Brian, wait!”


Brian grumbled but he knew it was futile to try and avoid the oncoming confrontation so he paused on the sidewalk outside his building and waited for the inevitable.


“I don’t know what the fuck is going on here, Brian, but this is fucked up!” Michael insisted, pointing an accusatory finger to the band of aliens waiting nearby. “There’s something not right about these guys, Brian. I don’t know what kind of drugs you’re all on, but you need to stop and take a look at yourself. I can’t believe you’re hanging around with a bunch of fucking Furrys now. Did they brainwash you or something? This is just downright fucking weird, Brian. And you know what, I don’t even think they’re really from Finland.”


Of course, that caused Brian to double over in laughter. When he finally caught his breath he replied, “really? You know, NOTHING gets by you, Mikey, does it?” Then, turning his back on his friend, Brian waved to the waiting aliens and led them off down the block towards where the Jeep was parked.


“Brian! Wait up, Brian!” Michael, undeterred, came barreling after the bunch, grabbing hold of Brian’s arm and jerking him back violently enough that Brian tripped and fell flat on his ass. “I’m not letting you go anywhere with these freaks of nature, Brian!”


That was too much for Brian’s overprotective alien lover, though. Stepping forward so he was right up in Michael’s face, Justloq jabbed his index finger into the little bully’s chest and growled, “oizd8u8[24t@@@” which was probably some alien curse word, Brian thought. “Very much bad human! No hurt MY Brrrryon!” 


Brian watched as the finger still prodding Michael’s chest began to pulse with waves of rainbow-hued light waves. Michael looked like he was paralyzed; he just stood there, shaking, his eyes so wide they appeared to take up most of his shocked face. After several seconds of this, though, Michael slowly collapsed into a quaking ball right there on the sidewalk. And a few seconds following that, he was rolling around, moaning, and mumbling, “yes. Oh, yes. Oh, oh, oh . . .”


“I thought you said you weren’t going to fry anyone’s brains,” Brian accused, looking over at his writhing friend.


“No fried brains,” Justloq replied, offering a hand to help Brian up. “Just Dr. Love.”


“You love zapped him?” Brian laughed. 


They were all still laughing a moment later when Brian’s nosy neighbor, the stuffy Ms. Zekendorf, walked by with her poodle, Penelope. She looked at them like they were lunatics; but, of course, that’s how she usually looked at Brian anyway, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. What did startle her was when Love-Struck Michael rolled over, seized the unsuspecting pet poodle, and began to fondle and grind on the poor confused pet. Brian didn’t think Ms. Zekendorf appreciated the way they all laughed even harder. She shot Brian a withering look, bent over to tug her Penelope out of the grip of the lascivious nutcase rolling around on the ground, and then stomped off disapprovingly. Brian was still laughing so hard he almost pissed himself five minutes later.


“It’ll wear off eventually, right?” Brian asked when he’d finally calmed down enough to manage words.


“Eventually,” Justloq grinned at him, looking pleased with himself. 


“Well, we can’t just leave him here, rolling around on the ground,” Brian concluded reluctantly. “Better toss him in the back of the Jeep and let’s get moving before Ms. Zekendorf calls the cops on us.”


The subsequent drive back to the Three Rivers Heritage Trail area and the river was relatively uneventful. Brian didn’t know what to say, so he just concentrated on driving. The only sound in the car came from where Michael was still rolling around in the back and moaning to himself. But it was a short drive, so at least they didn’t have to listen to Michael’s self love symphony for long. 


Once back at the park, Dreebo and Daph wasted no time carrying their toy spaceship over to a secluded spot shielded from the road by some trees. Brian watched as the Com’dant twirled the dial on his utility belt and the ship re-enlarged itself until it was about the same size as the Jeep. There was a little more rattling around, with Daph crawling around under the ship for a minute or two, before the engine hummed quietly to life and the lights flickered on.


Brian knew that was it. It was time to say goodbye and get on with his shit, but . . . Well, fuck it all, he didn’t want to for some reason. 


The little blue alien who’d been standing silently beside him while his companions did their final preparations, seemed equally reluctant. But, when Brian’s Blue turned to him, as if to speak, Brian just couldn’t handle it. 


“I hate soppy goodbyes. Just go already,” he ordered and started to turn away so he wouldn’t have to watch them leave. 


“Brrrryon. Wait, Brrrryon,” Justloq demanded, catching hold of Brian’s hand in order to stop him from walking away. “Brrryon ‘join the navy and see the world’. With Justloq? You be ‘Mr. Right’ now for Justloq?”


That stopped Brian in his tracks. “You want me to . . . What? Come with you?” He pointed at the ship where Big Red and Perky Yellow were waiting with smiles on their furry faces. “Seriously?”


Breaking into a not-bad Frank Sinatra imitation, Blue warbled, “come fly with me. Let’s fly. Let’s fly away . . .”


“But . . . I can’t,” Brian insisted. “I can’t just leave. I’ve got responsibilities. I have a business to run and . . .”


“Only for !!! morquips,” Justloq explained, holding up three fingers to demonstrate what he meant. “When mission over, Brrrryon come back.”


“How long is a morquip,” Brian attempted the alien word, probably mangling it. 


“Morquip is equivalent to the time it takes the primary moon of cUMSHOLK to orbit the planet one time,” Justloq advised. “You would say ‘month’, yes?”


Brian looked at the spaceship, then back at his Jeep where he could still hear Moaning Michael rolling around in the back, then looked up at Justloq again. The alien smiled at him, reaching out to touch Brian’s face with a tender gesture. And Brian figured, what the fuck. He would never have another chance like this and there really wasn’t anything - or anyone - down here that he would miss that much. Plus, well, there was that connection/love thing with his Blue that he didn’t totally hate.  


“You know what? Fuck it all! I’m in!” he declared. Then he pulled his phone out of his pocket, hit speed dial #3, and waited until the call connected. “Hey, Theodore. Guess what? Something came up!” He laughed and smiled at his waiting lover. “Yeah, I’m, uh . . . Well, I don’t know what I’m going to be doing but I won’t be doing it around here for a while. I'm heading out into the wild blue yonder with my friends from Finland. You and Cynthia can handle Kinnetik for a while, right?” The alien waiting for Brian could hear Ted’s voice protesting through the phone line for a minute or two before Brian interrupted him. “Whatever, Ted. I don’t care. Just do your best. Or don’t. I don’t really care. I’m outta here. Oh, and, can you come pick up my car? It’s parked at the Three Rivers Trail and Mikey’s passed out in the back seat. Great. See ya in three morquips, Theodore.” 



Brian ended the call, tossed his useless phone into the back seat of the Jeep, and then turned to face Justloq. Arm in arm with his human lover, Justloq led the way over to where the alien spaceship was waiting. Daph reached down a hand to help Brian up. Then Dreebo did his dial twirling thing and Brian began to shrink until he was the right size to fit inside the Skidoo. 


With a last look around his home planet, Brian smiled at the blue alien and said, “okay. Fly me to the moon, Blue Eyes! I’m all yours for the next !!! morquips.”


Justloq kissed him, long and hard, and then gestured to Brian to precede him down into the ship. “We have so much very good pleasure appendage dancing in !!! morquips, Brrryon. You will see. And we should be back just in time for your Emmett friend to have the Dreebo babies . . .”


Whatever Brian’s response to that statement might have been will probably never be known because the hatch to the ship closed right then and that was the last the Earth saw of Brian Kinney for the next !!! morquips.


*VSOPDIFU z’dsj;copl DPGFHDTH*

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

4/6/22 - Happy April Fools! Thanks for reading this crazy story. Earth Girls Are Easy is one of my favorite cult classic movies. I highly recommend you all go watch it again after you finish reading this story.  Earth Girls Are Easy. Now, off to see what other craziness I can get Brian and Justin involved in... TAG

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