Justin immediately froze, absolutely not expecting Brian to ask this question. Well, at least not right now. But he wasn't stupid, he knew they would have to talk about it eventually, but he sure as hell didn't want it to be now. He just wasn't ready to have this conversation with Brian, because it scared the shit out of him, knowing that his answer will probably change everything for them.
"It's a pretty simple question, Justin," Brian laughed a little, trying to be calm. But his shaking voice betrayed him. "Yes or no?"
Maybe the question was simple, but the answer was far away from being simple. But Justin took a deep breath and finally said what needed to be said. "I... don't know," he admitted and sighed, his eyes were filling with tears.
But that was the truth - he didn't know. He had been thinking about it for months, and he wished things were different or easier. But their relationship was everything but easy since the beginning. And somehow the look on Brian's face wasn't even surprised, but sad and heart broken for sure.
"I'm really sorry, Brian. I wish I had a better answer for you... but I really don't know. Not that I don't want to be with you... oh my god, you have no idea how much I want that... to be able to spend every day by your side, but..."
"You have a life here... life that you love." Brian finished for him.
"Yeah... I do very much. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with this place so much when I first got here... I was sure as hell that I'd be back in Pitts in a month or even sooner, but..."
"Justin, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I just... I needed to know."
"But I don't want you to think that I don't love you or that I don't want to be with you... or that I love it here more than I love being with you," Justin's whole body suddenly began to shake.
"Justin... Justin, listen," Brian put his hands on Justin's shoulders. "I know you love me and I could never think otherwise, okay?"
Justin nervously bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah... Okay."
"And I don't want you to think that you have to go back to Pitts just for me. If you're happy here, then I think you should stay."
"You do?"
"Yeah, Justin, I do."
And Brian really meant it. He wanted Justin to be happy more than anything, even if it meant they won't be together the way they both wanted. But like he already said, he didn't want Justin to sacrifice his life just to be with him... but it hurt... it definitely hurt.
"But what about us? I mean, I understand if you want to call things off... I hope not, but I'll understand."
"Justin, I just promised you monogamy, so it would be really stupid of me if I bailed on you now."
Justin chuckled and pressed himself against Brian, he needed to feel his skin on his. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For not hating me for this. I was so scared you're gonna leave me."
"Well, you're really easy to love, so..."
Justin smiled broadly and then he hugged Brian as tightly as possible and Brian returned the hug in the same way. But what Justin couldn't see was the tear that suddenly ran down Brian's face. No matter how much he knew this was the best thing for Justin, it didn't change the fact that Brian felt like he's gonna lose him anyway eventually. And it was killing him.
After a while, they finally got out of the shower and went straight to bed.
"We'll be okay, Brian. I promise," was the last thing Justin said before he finally fall asleep in Brian's arms.
And Brian really hoped he was right, because anything else was not even an option.
----
Brian woke up really early in the morning. Well, he didn't really get much sleep, so... his mind just kept him awake. He was really scared because he didn't know what this meant for them. Until now, he had at least some hope that everything will be okay in the end... but right now he couldn't even imagine that the rest of their lives will look like this. Not knowing when they will see each other again... waiting for one of them to give up.
But watching Justin's face, hearing his heartbeat, and feeling the warmth of his body was all Brian needed to be sure that no matter how hard it gets, he will fight for Justin and their relationship.
He reached out and ran his fingers through Justin's hair, and then he kissed him lovingly on the cheek. Surprisingly, it didn't wake him up, he just made some cute noises, making Brian smile. And Brian suddenly couldn't even imagine not seeing him for god knows how long. But that wasn't something he wanted to think about now, so he got out of bed and headed for the kitchen in order to distract himself.
And it didn't take long before Justin finally showed up.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Brian smiled.
"Something smells really good in here."
"Yeah, I wasn't sure if you want a sweet or savory breakfast, so I made both ... pancakes and scrambled eggs."
"You made me a breakfast?" Justin grinned from ear to ear.
"Don't get too excited, it probably tastes awful."
"I'm sure it tastes great."
"Well, there's only one way to find out. So what do you want... pancakes or eggs?"
"Both, please."
"Oh my god," Brian laughed. "Your body will hate you for this one day."
"Don't worry, you'll take me to our gym afterwards," Justin winked at him.
"Our gym?"
"Yeah, you know," Justin went closer to him and touched him. "The one where we're really sweaty and your beautiful dick is deep inside me."
"Oh," Brian bit his lip. "I really love that one."
"Me too."
"Then start eating already."
"Of course, Mr. Kinney," Justin chuckled and kissed Brian deeply.
When they were finished eating, Brian went to wash the dishes and somehow got lost in his thoughts again. He wanted to enjoy those last few hours with Justin so much, but he just couldn't ignore his feelings about the whole situation. And Justin sensed Brian's tension and went straight to him, hugging him from behind and gently kissing him on his back.
"You okay?" he asked a little worried.
"Um," Brian cleared his throat. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"You sure?"
Of course he wasn't fine... how could he be when he knew that in a few hours he's going to be sitting on a plane back to Pittsburgh, not knowing when he's gonna see him again. And especially the thought that this was going to be their future was really killing him. But the last thing he wanted was for Justin to change his mind about staying in New York. He just wouldn't be able to live with himself if he made Justin to return to Pittsburgh just for him.
Brian then turned off the water and turned to face Justin. He put the best smile on his face, though it was harder to hide his sad eyes, but he did his best and then he just looked at him for a moment before finally kissing him, trying to show him that he really was okay, even though he was everything but that.
But before he knew it, he started to deepen their kisses, losing himself in the moment... and in Justin. He was kissing him and touching him almost aggressively, trying to feel every inch of his body perfectly, making Justin moan with a mix of pleasure and pain.
It was almost as if he was desperately trying to feel him and touch him before he won't be able to do it for god knows how long. He needed to take that feeling with him home. That's the only way he can survive this.
But Justin suddenly stopped him and looked him in the eyes. He knew Brian, and he knew that even though he was doing his best not to show how he feels, the way he kissed Justin gave him away and in that moment Justin could finally see how much is Brian really hurting.
But he could also see that Brian really didn't want to talk about it or even addmit it, so he did the only thing he could and gave him the only thing Brian needed right now - himself.
So his hands reached for him, grabbing the back of Brian's neck, then he pulled him closer and rejoined their lips together. It wasn't gentle or slow, but hard, bruising and almost painful - but in a good way. At one moment, Brian even bit Justin's lower lip and immediately felt a taste of blood.
"Ow," Justin hissed. "Take it easy, Tiger."
"I'm sorry," Brian smiled apologetically, wiping the blood from Justin's lips with his thumb. "I didn't mean to."
"It's okay," Justin assured him, seeing that Brian really felt bad about it.
Justin then began to kiss and lick Brian's neck and could feel Brian begin to relax more. Then he reached between them and inside Brian's boxers, taking his hard and throbbing dick in his hand. Brian immediately groaned loudly. Justin smiled and licked his neck once more, then he simply dropped to his knees in front of him. Still firmly stroking him, Justin flatted his tongue and licked his cock from the root to the tip, tasting his preecum.
Then he slowly started to take Brian in his mouth, inch by inch, until the tip of his dick hit the back of his throat, making him choke a little. Brian pulled out slowly, so Justin could breath and then he pushed in again. He did that repeatedly. And as he fucked Justin's mouth, his legs began to shake.
"Fuck," he breathed out heavily.
Justin looked up and met his lustful and darkened eyes, and without looking away, he swalloved him once more as deep as he could. Brian had to grab on the kitchen counter to keep himself steady while he moaned. Justin then stood up again and kissed Brian deeply, allowing him to taste his own preecum.
"Turn around," Brian smiled at him and Justin did as he was told.
Brian pressed himself against his back and Justin could feel his hard dick slowly rubbing against his ass, teasing them both while sucking on the back of Justin's neck.
"Bend over," Brian whispered in his ear.
Justin looked back at him, trying to figure out what he wants to do, and just from the look on Brian's face he knew it's something he's gonna really like. So he lay down his upper body on the kitchen counter and waited.
"Spread your legs more."
And just those word made Justin even more horny and eager. Brian then knelt behind him and pulled down his boxers, then he gently kissed both of his butt cheeks before pulling them apart and seeing his favorite hole. Justin was so turned on that he almost forgot to breath. Brian then licked two of his fingers, using his saliva as a lube, and then he began to push them inside Justin, making him gasp so fucking loudly.
Fingering and stretching his ass, Brian reached to Justin's leaking dick and began to stroke him as well. Justin's whole body was shaking.
"Oh my god," he moaned.
And when he couldn't stay still anymore, he began to move his hips, fucking himself with Brian's fingers. He was groaning like crazy and so close to his orgasm, but Brian suddenly pulled his fingers out, leaving Justin empty and frustrated.
"Jesus, Brian," he sighed.
"Just wait," Brian smiled.
And before Justin knew it, Brian's tongue began to lick Justin's sensitive asshole. Justin immediately gasped and pushed back, trying to get Brian's tongue in his ass.
"Fuck! That's so good."
Brian continued with his licking and nibbling for several minutes before stiffening his tongue and pushing it into his hole as far as he could, causing Justin to lose control over his body. Thanks to Brian holding him tight, he didn't end up on the ground.
"Brian, I need your hard dick inside me!" Justin demanded.
And as much Justin needed Brian inside him, Brian needed to be inside Justin, so he stood up again and turned Justin around to face him, kissing him hungirly. He then qucikly took a condom from the bowl on the counter and opened it with his teeth. When he put it on, he took Justin in his arms and sat him on the kitchen counter.
Justin immediately wrapped his legs around Brian's torso and Brian began to push into Justin all the way to his balls. They both groaned and kissed each other deeply.
Brian then began to move, sliding his dick inside Justin's ass, hitting his prostate. Justin had his arms and legs wrapped around him, holding him real tight while moaning into his ear.
"I love you so much, Brian," he whispered and felt that he's really close.
Brian smiled, but even with all the pleasure they both felt, Justin could still see the sadness in Brian's eyes. But suddenly Brian reached between them and closed his hand around Justin's cock, stroking him and making him ignore the sadness.
"I love you too," Brian panted before kissing him once more.
And after a few more thrusts, they both came together, shouting each other's names. While trying to catch their breath, they hugged tightly and didn't want to let go of each other.
----
They lay on the couch together, not talking and not even moving, almost as if both of them were scared to even breath. They just had one of the best fucks of their lives and now they didn't even know what to say or what to feel.
Justin was naive once again when he thought that Brian was really okay with this. Well, he wanted to believe it because he just didn't want to get into a situation when he would have to choose between Brian and staying in New York. Of course, he would choose Brian, he would do anything to not lose him... but giving up the life he lives in New York would destroy him. And he really hated this. Not being able to have everything he wants. No matter what he does, one of them is probably gonna end up heartbroken.
And Justin was aware that being quiet won't solve anything, so he took a deep breath before finally saying: "Talk to me, Brian. Please," he sighed. "I just... I can see that you're not okay."
"I'm fine, Justin, really. Don't worry about me."
Justin lifted his head from Brian's chest and looked at him with obvious concern. "If you don't want me to stay here, then just say it. But don't do this... don't push me away, don't pretend that everything's fine when it's obviously not."
"Please, Justin, just... let it be."
"I know you, Brian, and I know you would do anything to make me happy, even if it means you are suffering..."
Brian immediately sat up and gently pushed Justin away, then he ran a hand down his face and just stared into space for a moment.
"What do you want me to say, Justin?" he finally looked at him.
"How you really feel, for a start."
"I don't know, okay?" he snapped. "I feel... I feel pissed. Pissed that I want to be with you all the time but I can't. I feel scared... that I'm gonna lose you."
"You're not gonna lose me, Brian."
"You don't know that. What if one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize that this is not enough for you... that I am not enough for you."
"What are you saying, Brian?"
"What if I am the thing that's gonna make you unhappy eventually? What if you can meet someone else... someone who will give you more than I can?" Brian couldn't even look at him as he said it.
"You already giving me everything!"
"I don't even know when I'm gonna have time to visit you again."
"Then I'll visit you... because we promised each other that we will always find time and I plan to stand by it."
Brian looked at him, trying to find words, but instead saying something, he end up moving closer to Justin, pressing his forehead against Justin's and wrapping his arms around him.
"I'm not going anywhere, Brian. I don't want anyone else but you. And I'll do everything in my power to make you happy... to make us happy. You don't have to worry about that."
"I know," Brian sighed. "And I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm just scared... scared that no matter what we do we will lose."
"We are not going to lose, because we won't let that happen. Okay?"
"Of course not," Brian smiled, kissing his forehead.
"Nothing's gonna tear us apart. Even if we never live in the same city again. You just won't get rid of me that easily."
Brian laughed, somehow feeling a lot better. "My little stalker."
"Always and forever," Justin winked at him and kissed him.