After a long week at work, Brian was finally getting ready for the night out. It felt like ages ago when he had last been at Woody's or Babylon even. And he had to laugh at the thought that not so long ago, he had spent almost every night out, drinking, doing all kinds of drugs and fucking everyone. Now his life compare to that seemed really boring. It seemed straight. But it was not. He wasn't really sure when exactly did it happen, but he no longer had the need to do all those things. Sure, he still wanted to go out with his friends, have a beer, check out the hottest guys... but that was it. Especially now when he and Justin had decided to be monogamous (something he wouldn't believe would happen when he first met him under that street lamp... well, not even a few months ago to be honest) and yeah, get married. But Justin was simply enough for him. Well, he was more than enough. He wanted him. And only him.
Althought he would be lying if he said it was easy. It fucking wasn't. Not that part of being monogamous. That was (surprisingly) very easy. Which is something he never thought he would say. But it was the other part that was hard. The sex part. He just missed sex like crazy. Correction, he really missed sex with Justin.
Fuck. He just missed Justin in general.
They haven't even talked in the last week. Justin was busy. So was he. When one of them called the other, they either didn't answer at all because they didn't have the time, or they just cut it really short. And it was really frustrating.
He just wanted to hear him.
And he really wanted to know when he's gonna see him.
But for now, he decided to just let it all go and have fun for the night. Maybe the fun is going to be different than it used to be. But that's okay. Things change.
He has changed.
But just as he parked in front of Woody's, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He assumed Michael was calling to find out what the hell was taking him so long. But the name on the screen that made him smile so wide was definitely not Michael's.
Brian immediately pressed the green button.
"Hi, Sunsine," he said softly.
"Hi!" Justin replied in his sweet, excited voice.
"I was just thinking about you," Brian admitted without any hesitation.
"Really?" Justin sounded almost surprised.
As if he could hardly believe Brian was thinking about him. And Brian didn't blame him. After all those years of hiding his feelings behind his mask and deep inside so that Justin wouldn't see or know how much he cared about him, it was no surprise that a little part of him, that had to fight for any sort of attention from Brian, still needed some reassurance that he really is on Brian's mind.
"Yes."
"You think about me often?" Justin asked playfully.
Brian had to laugh, and there was only one answer he could give him. "In case you ever foolishly think otherwise: I am never not thinking about you."
There was silence for a moment, and Brian assumed Justin was probably absorbing his words. He would kill to see the smile on Justin's face right now.
"Good. Because I was beggining to worry that the constant hiccup I have is something serious, but that is just you thinking about me."
"You really are a smartass."
Justin chuckled. "I'm thinking about you too. All the time."
"Well, I don't have a hiccup, but I guess I'll just have to believe you."
"Please," he whispred. "Anyway, I'm really sorry I didn't call you back yesterday... it was a crazy day. Well, the whole week has been crazy. I've had a few meetings... after my last show, people really want my paintings. So it seems that I'm gonna go out of my fucking mind in the next few weeks. But the money is definitely worth it," he laughed.
"What, wow, that's huge, Justin. I'm so proud of you."
And he really was, there was no doubt about that. Justin deserved all the attention because he was amazing and really talented. But a small, well, big part of Brian really hoped he was calling to tell him that he's going to be visiting soon... but that is probably not going to happen now. At least not in the next few weeks.
But Justin needed this. He needed to know how good he really is and that people are dying to have his art hanging on their walls. And Brian knew how happy that must have made him. So if he had to wait for him a little longer it was okay. Hard, but okay.
"Thanks! But enough about me... how are you? God, I really miss you."
"Yeah, me too, Sunshine," his words trailed off as he let the sadness in his heart take control for a moment. "And I'm actually sitting in the car in front of Woody's right now."
"Oh, shit, you should have told me, I don't want to keep you. I can call tomorrow."
"You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?"
"Is that so obvious?" he teased.
"Ouch."
Justin laughed, but then his voice turned serious. "Never. I just want you to enjoy the night."
Brian scoffed. "Yeah, I can just imagine that fun night I am about to have with those three clowns. I'm gonna get bored to death."
"I'm sure it's not going to be that bad," Justin paused. "But if you want to have some fun, well... then I just want you to know that it's okay... that I understand..."
"What are you saying?" Brian was genuinely confused.
"What I'm saying is that I know it's been a pretty long time since your visit, and that if you want to... if you need to, that you can... you know..."
"Are you giving me permission to fuck someone else?" he asked slowly.
"Um, well, yeah."
"Sunshine, I'm starting to think that you don't know how monogamy actually works," he joked.
"Brian, I'm serious. It's been almost a month since we last did it and I'm pretty sure that your right hand already hurts."
"I still have the left one. And don't forget that hot call we had last week..."
"I just don't want you to hate me. You already given me a blessing to stay here and I know how hard it must be for you. So you don't have to be also sexually frustrated because of me."
"When I said I want us to be exclusive, I meant it, Justin."
"I know you did. I meant it, too. I still mean it. But come on, don't tell me you can be without sex so long."
"Why not? You can. So why can't I?" Brian paused for a second. "Unless it's you who is having a problem to be without it... which is too bad for you because I'm not giving you my fucking permission to fuck someone else."
"You really are committed to this, aren't you?"
"I'm committed to you, Sunshine, get used to it," he said jokingly, yet very seriously.
"You never cease to amaze me, Mr. Kinney."
Brian stucked his tongue in his cheek, grinning. Sometimes he couldn't even recognize himself... but he really liked this newly discovered side of himself, that wasn't afraid to say those things.
"Jesus Christ!" Brian shouted suddenly and jumped in his seat as someone knocked loudly on the window.
"What is it?" Justin asked immediately.
"Michael fucking Novotny. Give me a sec," Brian rolled down the window. "Are you nuts? You just gave me a heart attack."
"Oh, don't be a drama queen. Are you planning to sit in this car all night, or will you actually go inside?"
"If you can't tell, I'm on the phone."
"Oh, who is it? No, let me guess... he's blonde, he has blue eyes, a nice ass..."
"You're fucking drunk already?" Brian snapped and could hear Justin laughing.
"Just give me the phone," Michael snatched it from Brian's hand. "Hi, Justin!"
"Oh, Michael, hi!"
"You have to come visit soon. Like seriously. This guy is just miserable without you."
"Okay, that's enough," Brian took the phone back.
"Hey, I wasn't done!" Michael protested.
"Yes, you were. Now give me a minute and go inside."
"Fine. But hurry up. I wanna kick your ass at pool."
"You wish," Brian childishly sticked out his tongue and waited for Michael to leave. "Sorry about that, Sunshine. Michael is... well, Michael."
"It's okay. It was good to hear him. Even if it was only for ten seconds. But It's good to know that he thinks I have a nice ass," he laughed.
"Yeah, I'll have to talk to him about that."
"I would love to hear that," Justin chuckled. "Anyway, you really should go. And have fun. Oh, and I'm taking my permission back. You are not allowed to fuck anyone else."
"Glad to hear that. I'll save it for you."
"Can't wait," Justin whispered playfully. "Bye."
"Bye."
----
It was a night like any other. They were playing pool (Brian was winning, of course), drinking beer (well, Emmett had some weird pink fruity cocktail), discussing work, hot guys, and their lives basically. Only one thing was different this time. Men were hitting on Brian as usual, but Brian turned them down one by one. And it didn't even seem to be that hard for him. Which was odd, to say the least, and the boys noticed, exchanging curious and amused glances the whole time.
Brian almost looked annoyed when another guy came up to him.
"You're fucking hot. I'm really hard just looking at you. Wanna go somewhere private?"
He was his type. Definitely a guy he would normally fuck the shit out of, and just thinking about it would make his dick twitch in his jeans. But not anymore. It was no longer exciting for him. Because every guy has a hole he can stick his dick in... but only Justin has his heart.
"Well, thanks for the offer. But I'm really busy right now, sorry."
"Too bad. If you change your mind, here's my number," the guy slipped a piece of paper into his back pocket and squeezed his ass a little. Brian just raised his eyebrows and his face almost said: 'do that again and I'll break your fucking arm'. But the guy was too amazed by Brian to even notice, and then he left with a wink.
But Michael, Ted, and Emmett couldn't hide their surprised faces.
"Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?" Brian snapped at them.
"It's just that... I mean, are you feeling okay?" Michael asked, genuinely concerned.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, you just turned down sex... and not just once... so we're just a little worried, that's all. Is everything okay?"
Brian laughed and rolled his eyes. "Not that it's any of your fucking business, but Justin and I have decided to stop fucking other people."
Ted spat out his drink, Emmett just opened his mouth in disbelief so wide that it almost looked like he was about to suck a huge dick and Michael really struggled to find the words.
"Um... what? Are you serious? I mean... how... w-why?"
Brian was completely amused by their reaction. He couldn't wait to tell Justin what expressions they had on their faces.
"Don't bite your tongue, Mikey."
"I'm just in shock."
"Yeah, I can see that," he laughed.
"I mean, wow! How the hell did he manage to convince you?"
"He didn't have to convince me. I wanted to."
"You? Brian Kinney - I fuck everything that moves? You, of all people, who despise the word monogamy, because you think it's something only straight people do, wanted to? You hate straight people!"
"Yeah, I do," he replied with his duh voice. "But people change. I have changed."
"I know! But this? I just want you to be sure that you're doing it because you really want to and not for..."
"For Justin?" Brian raised an eyebrow.
"Well, yes. Because the last time you wanted to change who you are for him was before the wedding, and it was one of the reasons you canceled it."
"Trust me, Michael, this time I'm doing exactly what I wanna do. I'm done fucking nameless tricks because I have everything I need in Justin. And since you brought it up... we're actually getting married," Brian grinned.
"I think I'm gonna have a heart attack," Ted muttered.
"Just breath, baby," Emmett whispered to him.
"WHAT?" Michael exclaimed. "How? I mean, when? When did that happen?"
"Almost a month ago. When I was in New York to see him."
"A month? You've known for a month and you haven't said anything?"
"I'm saying it now."
"I'm your best friend! You should have told me you wanted to propose to him again."
"Well, actually, it was Justin who proposed to me."
"Yeah, I'm definitely having a heart attack," Ted sat down on a stool.
"I'm gonna order us something stronger," Emmett headed for the bar.
"Now could you please stop being a fucking drama princess and be happy for me, Michael?"
"I am happy for you! It's just that... I wish you'd told me sooner. That's all."
"Well, I need you to be my best man, so... everything is forgiven?"
Michael's upset face slowly softened. "Really?"
"Of course, Mikey. But if you don't want to, maybe Ted will be happy to take your place."
"I want to!"
"Good," Brian smiled and hugged Michael.
"Four shots of vodka, get ready, gentlemen," Emmett came with a smile and handed them to them.
"Brian Kinney, getting married, who would have thought," Ted smiled proudly at Brian. "I wish you two the best."
"Thanks, Theodore."
"I'm so happy for you two," Emmett teared up a little. "I will help you plan the best wedding ever. With the golden gardenias that Justin wanted so much. And of course the bachelor party, I have so many ideas already," he excitedly clapped his hands.
"I knew I could count on you," Brian said, amused.
"Well, there is only one thing left to say: Congratulations!" Michael raised his glass.
Brian, Emmett and Ted did the same, and they all downed their shots of vodka.
"My mother will lose her mind," Michael laughed.
"Oh, no. You can't tell her," Brian protested immediately.
"What? Why?"
"Because Justin's mother doesn't know yet, and we wanna tell her and Debbie in person together. Well, we actually planned to tell them first, but it's a little late for that now. But if Debbie finds out, then Jennifer will find out too. And that can't happen."
Ted burst out laughing. "Good luck with that."
"Yeah, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Michael's big mouth and Debbie's ability to know when someone isn't telling her something just won't go well with your plan," Emmett chuckled.
Michael scoffed. "Please. I can do this," the three of them look at him with raised eyebrows. "I can!" he tried to convince them as much as he tried to convince himself.
"You are so screwed," Emmett turned to Brian.
Brian sighed heavily. "Do your best, Michael. Because if Mother Taylor finds out before Justin tells her, I'm a dead man, and so are you."
Michael smiled nervously, but nodded.
"Now let's go to Babylon. I wanna dance," Brian said excitedly.
----
Brian stumbled home around 3 AM. He toed off his shoes and slowly began to undress on his way to the bedroom, losing his clothes behind him. He reeked of booze, cigarettes, and sweat. But he was too drunk and too tired to take a shower. So he made a mental note to change the sheets tomorrow, and he got under the covers. He looked at the ceiling, the room was spinning a little.
A long sigh escaped his lips as he wished Justin was right next to him. The loft was so quiet. He hated it. He missed Justin's snoring. He missed how Justin always pressed himself against him to get warm. He even missed how little space he had because Justin couldn't stay on his side of the bed.
Now he hated how much space he had.
But what he hated the most were the mornings, the few seconds right after waking up, when he forgot that Justin was in New York. Every morning he reached out, searching for his body... and only when he felt the cold sheet he realized. And it was painful. Every damn time.
He knew Justin is where he needs to be, doing what he loves... but every once in a while Brian selfishly wished that he would choose to come back. That he would choose him over New York. He would never tell him that... but that was the truth.
He just wished to see his face every morning for the rest of their lives.
But he was still happy. He was happy to have him in his life. Happy to be engaged to him.
And he needed Justin to know.
So he found his phone and dialed Justin's number.
"Yeah?" Justin asked sleepily. "Brian, what time is it?"
"Sorry, I just... I want you to know that I'm really happy... and that I love you."
"Brian, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, Sunshine, everything's fine. Now go back to sleep."
"Wait..."
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
Brian smiled and closed his eyes. "I know you do. Good night."
"Good night, Brian," Justin whispered softly.