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Thanks to everyone for the comments - they are much appreciated :) 

 

Chapter 7

 

Brian slowly woke up, fighting to open his eyes. He blinked a couple of times when he realised that the sun was shining into his loft, trying to get used to how bright it was.

 

Once Brian's eyes had gotten used to the light and he was fully awake, he frowned. He clearly remembered Justin being in his arms and his bed when he had fallen asleep, but now his bed was empty.

 

As he looked around the loft and listened for any noise, he realised that the younger man was gone. He was alone in the loft and Justin wasn't there anymore.

 

Brian frowned, then slowly sat up. Where the hell was Justin? Why was he gone?

 

While Brian was still trying to understand what was going on, he saw an envelope slide down from the pillow where Justin's head had been lying just hours before.

 

He reached for the envelope and frowned when he saw his name on it. Brian. Well, who else was going to find it? It was lying in his bed, in his loft.

 

Brian slowly opened the envelope and pulled out two pieces of paper. He immediately saw that one was a letter, the other was a sketch. A sketch of him as he was sleeping. In this very bed.

 

He studied the sketch for a few minutes and was once away blown away by Justin's talent. It was obvious that he had done the sketch some time last night or earlier this morning. Brian watched his own face, saw how peaceful and relaxed he looked in the sketch. There wasn't a single care in the world that showed on his face. He really just looked at peace. Almost serene even.

 

Brian wondered why Justin had sketched him like that, why he had left the sketch afterwards and most of all where the younger man had disappeared to. He figured that the letter might give him some answers, so he unfolded the piece of paper and started reading.

 

Brian,

 

I want you to know that more than anything I am sorry. I know that by now it must sound pretty empty to you, but I am. More sorry than you could ever imagine.

 

What am I sorry for, you ask? A lot of things really, but most of all that we met under these circumstances.

 

I wish, more than anything, that we could have met under different circumstances and that none of what happened, did.

 

I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me. Quite on the contrary: I love you. With all my heart. I loved you from the day I met you so many years ago.

Back then it was nothing more than a teenage crush for the man who took my virginity. I'll admit that even though it felt like so much more back then. But over the years, after we reconnected and when this... thing... I know you don't like the word relationship, but really... I think it might qualify as a relationship of sorts. Anyway, when this thing between us started and I got to know you, the real you, the man behind the image of the Stud of Liberty Avenue... that's when I really fell in love with you. And I have loved you ever since.

 

I have not done a good job of it, I will admit that. Part of love is trust and I realise now that while I trusted you, it would be presumptous of me to assume that you ever really trusted me. Even if you thought at the time that you had, we both know better now, don't we?

 

I am sorry we ended the way we did and I know now that I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I wasn't and that's on me and me alone. I am sorry you got pulled into my mess and I am sorry that I showed up like that at your loft yesterday. I shouldn't have, not after what happened between us before, but really, I didn't know what else to do and like so many times before, you were there for me.

I want to thank you, Brian. Thank you for not sending me away last night when you would have been well within your rights to do so. Thank you for giving me your advice and for allowing me to stay. And most of all, thank you for allowing me to stay in your bed. For holding me like that all night. I haven't slept that well in over a year and while I know I didn't deserve it, I will cherish the memory of last night forever.

 

You have helped me come to a decision. I don't know how things are going to turn out or what is going to happen, but you have reminded me of a few important things last night that I had forgotten for so long. Thank you for that! It means more than I can ever say.

 

I am sorry (yes, another sorry) for having left without a word, but I couldn't bear to say goodbye to you. I know you only meant for me to stay the night and I respect that. I wish things were different, but they're not. I couldn't face you kicking me out this morning, so I left before you could. I know you would have deserved a goodbye and thank you in person from me, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. It would have been too painful.

 

You might never believe me and I won't blame you if you don't, but I love you, Brian. I love you with all my heart. I love you more than anything – well, except for Lizzie, but I am sure you understand that – and I meant what I said above: I wish we could have met under different circumstances. Just Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor, two men in love. None of the shit about who I am and what my position in life is. Just Brian and Justin. That would be a perfect life!

 

Thank you for last night. That and the knowledge of how much I love you will keep me going for what will come next.

 

I know I haven't been the most trustworthy person before, but you can trust me that I mean this: I will always love you and I will always remember the good times.

 

Yours forever,

 

Justin Taylor

 

P.S: You look so peaceful when you're asleep. Like there's not a care in your world. I loved watching you so many nights when we were sleeping together. This is how I will always remember you. As the peaceful, serene man that loved me and held me in his arms, protecting me from whatever was coming at me.

 

Once Brian was done reading the letter, he wasn't quite sure how he felt. Angry, disappointed, but also sad. Angry that Justin had left without a word, disappointed that he had just left a letter instead of talking to him, sad that he was gone.

 

And that last thought surprised him. He had been the one who had ended all contact with Justin after he had found out about his wife and daughter. He was the one who hadn't wanted to hear any explanations or apologies from the man. And when he had found out that he was a fucking royal from Europe, he had been even angrier. Had felt even more betrayed because Justin had lied to him about that as well. So why was he sad that the young man was gone from his life? Shouldn't he be happy instead?

 

Only that he wasn't. He wasn't happy at all. He had been happy last night when he had fallen asleep with Justin in his arms, but now? Now he just felt empty and more than anything lonely.

 

He took the sketch once more and watched it for the longest time.

 

With a heavy sigh, he got up and took the letter and sketch to the kitchen island. He left them there as he started the coffee machine. Just as he was about to pick them up again, his doorbell rang.


He frowned, not expecting anyone that early in the morning and walked over to the intercom.


“Who is it?”

“It's me,” Ted announced and Brian could only frown when he recognised the voice of his friend and CFO.

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Checking that you're okay,” Ted replied calmly.

 

“Why wouldn't I be?” Brian snarked, not bothered at all that they were having this conversation on the intercom.

 

“You didn't show up to dinner at Debbie's last night for starters,” Ted began, then his tone of voice changed. “Now let me up.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I thought you would prefer to have this conversation in private,” Ted said calmly.

 

“What conversation?” Brian asked, pretending not to know what Ted was referring to.

 

“Really?” Ted just asked before he continued. “There are some tricks hanging out on the street. They look very interested in listening in to what we're talking about. I doubt you'd want them to know all about your private life and to take it back to the backroom of Babylon tonight, right?”

 

Brian cursed and muttered to himself, then pushed the button to let Ted in.

 

When he heard the elevator arrive on his floor, he opened the metal door.

 

“Why are there tricks hanging outside my door?” Brian asked, looking at Ted strangely.

 

“Did I say outside your door? I thought I said there were tricks on the street. Which is true... some of them are heading home after a long night at Babylon and an early breakfast at the diner. I didn't see anyone outside your door specifically,” Ted smirked, then walked past Brian into the loft.

 

“Fuck you!” Brian muttered, looking at the older man angrily as he walked into the loft.

 

“I have Blake for that. So can we cut the crap and just get to the point? Are you okay?”

For a second Brian was tempted to yell at Ted and kick him out of the loft, but then he tried to tell himself that Ted was only worried. And that he could trust Ted. Ted had known more than one secret about his life and had kept it. Ted had known about his cancer. Ted had known about Justin. In fact Ted was the only person that knew about whatever it was that had been between them and so far Ted had kept his mouth shut and hadn't told anyone. So Brian forced himself to swallow down his first impulse to yell at the man and to actually give a reasonably calm reply.

 

“I am fine.”

 

“Brian,” Ted just said, looking at his friend closely. “You weren't okay last night or you would have shown up at Debbie's.”

 

“I was fine. I was just busy.” Brian was proud of himself because that wasn't even a lie. He had been busy. Only not in the way that Ted might have thought.

 

“Fucking random tricks doesn't mean that you're fine.”

 

“I didn't fuck anyone last night,” Brian just muttered, once again not lying but telling the truth. “I am fine. I wasn't yesterday, but I am now.”

 

And as he said it, Brian realized that it was mostly true. He wasn't exactly happy that Justin had left without another word to him, but he wasn't nearly as angry or disappointed any longer as he had been when he had first woken up and realized that the man was gone.

 

“Now if you'll excuse me, I have a job to head to. And I think my employees would prefer if I showed up dressed in more than just my briefs,” Brian said as he headed towards the bedroom, effectively leaving Ted on his own in the loft.

 

Ted smelled the coffee and headed to the coffee maker. He poured a cup for Brian and then poured another one for himself, deciding that he could do with a cup himself.

 

As he headed over to the counter and sat down on one of the barstools, he couldn't help but notice a letter and sketch lying on the counter.

 

He knew that he shouldn't, but his curiosity got the best of him and he picked them up as he heard Brian heading into his bathroom.

 

He looked at the sketch and frowned at the image of a sleeping Brian. He wondered who had done the sketch. It was a damn good image of Brian. It looked almost lifelike. Whoever had done the sketch had caught Brian well.

 

Putting the sketch back onto the counter, Ted now looked at the letter. He didn't want to read it as it was a letter addressed to Brian, but he frowned when he saw that it was signed Justin Taylor.


That Justin? The prince? The one Brian hadn't spoken to in over a year since their New York relationship had ended?

 

Ted looked at the envelope and noticed that it was only addressed to Brian and didn't show a stamp or address. So it hadn't been mailed, but delivered in person.

 

That intrigued Ted and he wondered if it was an old letter and sketch that Brian had just unearthed last night for whatever reason.

Fighting with himself for several seconds, he lost the fight against his better judgement in the end and started reading and what he read surprised him more than he had expected.

 

The prince had been here? In Pittsburgh? In Brian's loft and had spent the night in Brian's bed?

 

When Ted heard Brian walking down the steps from his bedroom, he quickly put the letter aside as well and turned around, pretending to be drinking a cup of coffee.

 

“Ready to head to work?” He asked cheerfully which made Brian frown in confusion.

 

Something was off, but he wasn't quite sure what it was. Instead of wondering about Ted's weird behavior, was it really weird or was it just Ted being Ted?, he took a large drink from his own coffee, then headed towards the door.

 

“I was born ready,” he just said, then watched as Ted followed him and closed the metal door shut behind him.

 

At the office Ted thankfully left him alone, so that he was able to focus on his work.

 

He wasn't as focused as he usually was, but all things considering, he got more work done than he had expected.

 

***

 

Two days later

 

“Brian?” Ted came into his office, looking at his boss and friend carefully.

 

“What?” Brian muttered, clearly concentrated on the boards in front of him that he was studying. They had a presentation later that day and he was just checking the final boards for any mistakes that might still need to be corrected at the last minute.

 

“Have you seen the news?” Ted asked, his voice sounding awfully gentle which made Brian look up and meet his gaze questioningly.


“I am working, Theodore. And I don't pay you either to watch the news while you're here.”

 

“I know, but...” Ted just opened his laptop, then turned around the screen so Brian could see the website he had opened.

 

He had debated for a long time if he should show Brian the news or not, knowing that they had a presentation coming up later that day, but he also knew that Brian might have seen it himself or would be angry if Ted didn't say anything.


Ted really wasn't sure how Brian would react. For the last two days he had seemed more okay than Ted had expected and he didn't really know what to make of it.

 

Brian looked at the website in annoyance, wondering why Ted was interrupting his working day for some news or other, but he stopped any comment from leaving his mouth when he saw the headline:

 

“European Prince caught in gay scandal comes out as gay and announces divorce from his wife”

 

“Shit,” Brian just muttered as he read the headline, then took the laptop from Ted's hands to read the whole article.

 

Prince Justinus had announced that he was gay, had always been gay and would always be gay, that it was really him in that video and had announced the divorce from his wife, Princess Daphne, the mother of his daughter, Elizabeth.

 

Apparently he had given an exclusive interview to a local journalist from his home country admitting all that, announcing that he and his wife would stay committed to raising their daughter together, would always be best friends, but would no longer stay married.

 

“Brave, little fucker,” Brian muttered once he had read the whole article, obvious surprise, but also pride in his voice.

 

“I thought you might want to know, especially in light of... his visit and all,” Ted said quietly, but cursed himself when Brian's head immediately shot up and he looked at him questioningly.


“What visit?”

 

Ted cursed himself for having given away that he knew about Justin's visit, knowing that Brian would see right through any lie he could come up with.

 

“I know that he was at the loft Sunday night,” Ted admitted and when Brian frowned at him in confusion, he went on. “I saw the letter and the sketch on your kitchen counter...”

 

“You read the letter?” Brian raised an eyebrow and Ted wasn't sure if it was anger or disbelief that was the dominant emotion on Brian's face right now.

 

“I didn't mean to,” Ted defended himself. “I...I just saw it and...I couldn't help it...”

 

“You had no right,” Brian muttered, anger quickly winning over disbelief. “That was private and my private life is none of your concern.”

 

“I know,” Ted said quickly, knowing that Brian had every right to be angry. “And I am sorry. I didn't tell anyone and I won't.”

 

He held up his hands in defence, looking at Brian. “I promise!”

 

“You had no right to read that... That was private!” Brian had now raised his voice and was glaring at the man on the other side of his desk. “No fucking right!”

 

“No, I didn't, but... I was worried about you. I knew how affected you had been by Sunday's news and... when you seemed all fine on Monday I wasn't sure what to make of it and... it was just lying on the kitchen counter. It wasn't like you hid it well,” Ted said helplessly.


“Because someone showed up at my place unannounced when I didn't expect him to,” Brian said darkly. “I wasn't aware that I had to hide private correspondence in my own place.”

 

“I know you're angry and you have every right to be. I shouldn't have read it and I am sorry that I did, but... I thought you might want to know that he took your advice. It was your advice, wasn't it?” Ted asked, now looking less sure of himself than he had been before.

 

Brian stayed quiet for the longest time, looking at Ted's laptop again and again. In the end he just nodded.

 

“Good for him,” Ted said. “Now he can finally be who he wants to be.”

 

“We'll see about that,” Brian just said, then closed Ted's laptop and handed it back to him. “Now get out of my office. I swear I am going to fire your ass if I see you again before next week... Get out of my eyes!”

 

Ted's eyes widened, but he quickly did as he was told and headed for the door of Brian's office.

 

Brian turned back to the boards on his desk, shaking his head. He tried to concentrate on them for several minutes, but couldn't. All he could think about was the article that Ted had shown him. He couldn't even think too much about him reading Justin's letter. All that went through his head was that article.

 

“Brave, little fucker,” he muttered once more, clearly sounding impressed.

 

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