Chapter 4

Justin woke up on the sofa. He looked around and noticed the sun was streaming into his living room. He stretched and sat up. Was Kinney still there? He didn't feel like he was. The place felt empty. What had happened last night? He knew he was really jumpy and Brian had been very kind. He had a vague memory of a kiss but he was sure it was just a fuzzy, whiskey induced dream. As wary as he was of him, Justin had to admit Brian Kinney was one of the most handsome men he had ever met and, although he still didn't completely trust him, he was seeing a different side of him.

Justin got up and realized it was almost noon and he had missed three messages from Daphne. Although whiskey assisted, he hadn't slept that soundly in... He couldn't remember the last time he had slept that well. He picked up his phone and read the messages from Daphne and then called her.

"Justin, where have you been? I was just about ready to uber over and see that everything was alright. Brian had assured me he had left you safe, if not a little drunk, at your apartment when I talked to him."

"You called Brian? What else did he say?"

"He said you had mad, crazy sex and then he left you passed out on the sofa."

"We never... I don't think we..." Justin sounded very panicked.

"I'm kidding, Jus. He just said you were sleeping soundly when he left. Oh, he did say something about a peaceful look on your face."

"He didn't say anything about a kiss. Did... Never mind. I am sure it was just a drunk dream because my head was in the lap of a god."

"What was your head doing in his lap?" Daph questioned playfully. Was it facing inward or outward?"

"Daphne, I am still getting used to the idea he might not be related to the devil."

"I'm glad, Justin. I know Brian has an ego the size of... well he has a big ego. But I get the feeling that  you two..."

"We? There is no ‘we'."

"Maybe there should be." Daphne heard the silence and changed the subject. "You really did worry me last night, Justin, you need help. You need to talk to someone. I am going to make an appointment for you. If you go once and hate it, you don't have to go again, but you are my best friend and I can't, won't, let you crawl in a hole and ignore all of this. The world hasn't seen what you can do yet."

"Daph, do we have to do this now?"

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Justin's response came fast, "No! No, I don't think I could talk with you there. I'm not going, Daphne. I can't go alone and I can't have you come along and seriously, I don't have any other friends, not really."

"Brian offered to go with you."

"He isn't a friend."

"Maybe not, but he is a well meaning acquaintance that probably could not be shocked." 

Justin looked at her, "Do you really think he meant that?"

"Yes, he meant it. I think he would be good to take along. He knows the situation, but he also is not emotionally involved." Daphne wondered if he would be objective. Could it draw them closer together? "I will contact the counselor and Brian. I'll have Brian pick you up. Where should I tell him to pick you up, home or studio?" Daphne wanted to get everything set up so it would make it harder to back out.

"The studio." All of the sudden Justin realized what he was agreeing to. "Daph, wait..."

"Justin, I love you, and this is what you need. I'll text you the time." With that she hung up before Justin could change his mind.

On Monday, Daphne texted Justin. The appointment was set for Wednesday at 3:30. Next she had to talk to Brian. They were meeting later that day. They both had news to share and she thought Brian would say yes to going with Justin much quicker in person. Brian had offered and she didn't think he was the kind of person to offer something he wasn't willing to actually do.

"Daphne, I have news," Brian greeted.

She had to smile at Brian's childlike excitement. "So do I! You go first."

"I found out what he did. Caleb Franklin resigned and left Pittsburgh, and the country, before the school checked into the last accusations. Once he got to Brazil he started to look for someone that had a similar look. Six months later, two Caleb Franken's came back to the U.S. The Brazilian Caleb landed in LAX on one airline while the one we were looking for landed in LAS on another airline within thirty minutes of each other. They went through customs within two minutes of each other. He knew the systems updated every three minutes."

"He obviously had someone working at customs," Daph said.

"That's my guess, but that isn't my job. We will hand all this over to the District Attorney's office once we get a few more things lined up. I already have a contact in their office. Later this week, if you are ready, we will meet with him." Brian stopped talking and looked at Daphne.

"You have news, too?"

"I have a list of twenty men that reported issues to the school in the years Franklin was in their building. I have talked to half of them so far. Two of them had nothing to do with Franklin. Of the other eight, I think at least five of them want to hear more and even the other three may be willing to give testimony but they don't want to be involved in a hearing."

"You have been busy."

"I have, and now I have something for you to add to your calendar."

"You do, huh?"

"I convinced Justin to see a therapist but he doesn't want to go alone and he doesn't want me to go with him. You said you'd take him the other night. The appointment is Wednesday, and if that doesn't work we might be able to change the time and I think..."

"Daphne, I said I would do it and I meant it, but I am surprised Justin is okay with that."

"I don't know what happened at his place the other night but he gained some confidence in you." She looked at him and said, "You aren't just trying to get him involved in our case, are you?"

"No, Daphne. Are you ever going to believe me?"

"Yes, Brian, I do believe you. I can see you really care about him. Wednesday at 3:30.  Pick him up at 3:00 at the studio. I will text the address. I don't think he will try to cancel but if he feels more comfortable at his studio or the apartment, the psychologist said he would do that, too. I didn't tell him much, but he realizes that Justin has had multiple traumas."

"I'll be there with him. Now, show me that list of victims. I want to see if I know any of the others."

On Wednesday morning, Brian texted Justin and said he would be there at 3:00. At 2:30 he texted and said he was on his way. He received a text back saying he didn't think he could make it, so then Brian called him. He was surprised Justin did answer.

"Hey, Taylor, what's this bullshit? You know you don't have anything going on that would keep you away today. I'm leaving now. If I have to, I will come in and escort you to the car."

"Brian, I think I'm sick. I have been throwing up since I ate lunch. I don't want to get someone else sick."

"Are you running a fever?"

"No, but..."

Brian lowered his voice and softly said, "It is your nerves. I'll be there with you." As he spoke he moved out of the building and to his car. "Lay down and close your eyes for a few minutes. I am on my way now. I will come up when I get there."

"But Brian, I..."

"On my way, Justin." He arrived at 2:45 and finding the door to the studio building unlocked he moved up the staircase. He knocked on the studio door and then let himself in. "Justin, you here?" He walked further into the room and then stood still and heard a faint noise somewhere in the building and moved in the direction of the sound.  

Standing outside the bathroom door he tapped softly, "Justin, you in there?" He heard something inside and then the door opened slowly. Justin stood in front of him pale and shaky.

"Shit, Brian, if my body is reacting this way just thinking about talking to the therapist, I must really need this. Could you go upstairs and get me a fresh shirt? There are a few hanging up there."

Instead, Brian walked into the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth.  He held it under cool running water and then put it on the back of Justin's neck. He then ran the cloth over his face.  After tossing the rag in the sink, he ran the back of his hand down Justin's cheek and then traced his lips with his thumb. Their eyes locked and Brian started to move to kiss him but stopped himself. "I'll go get a shirt for you." 

At 3:00 they were walking out of the studio and after they were on the road Justin said, "What if I am really crazy? What if I have a total meltdown? I used to just blame my brain injury but now I wonder if..."

"It doesn't matter what is causing your stress. Daphne and your mom are always there for you and..."

"Thanks, Brian. I just didn't want Daphne there. She cares too much."

Brian listened to him ramble on in his nervousness and as his own mind wandered off a bit he thought to himself, ‘Do I care too much?'

When they arrived at the office, Brian called the office number, "I'm here with Mr. Taylor." He listened for a moment and then moved the car into a parking lot below the office building. 

"What was all this about?"

"I called the office ahead of time and said you preferred privacy.  There are no other clients at the office and this garage is closed off to outside traffic." He moved around the car and escorted Justin into the building.

"Kinney, why are you being so nice to me? Is this for your career? Do you feel sorry for me?" Justin looked at his face and then said, "Thank you." He took a deep breath. "I have a hard time trusting."

"And I have a shady reputation."

"I wouldn't say shady as much as pertinacious."

"I knew you were smart. What the hell does that mean?

As they stepped off the elevator, Justin said, "It basically means you don't care who is trying to stop you or get you to change your mind."

Brian nodded, thinking that was a pretty good description of his life. He turned the doorknob and they entered the office. There was a man sitting behind the reception desk. "Mr. Taylor, welcome. Let's go to the office. Mr. Kinney, are you joining us or waiting out here?"

Brian looked at Justin who said, "I'd like him to come but, Brian, I might kick you out later."

"This is your appointment. I'm here to support only."

"Support not report?" Justin questioned.

"Of course, I thought you knew that by now."

"Mr. Taylor, you will be in control. If you want Mr. Kinney to leave the room at any time he can wait for you in the outer office." They walked into a comfortable room with a loveseat and a couple comfortable chairs. Justin took Brian's hand showing he wanted him next to him.

"I want Brian here but, please, don't talk unless you are asked something."

"I'll do my best. I do make a living talking so it isn't always easy for me." He winked at Justin who had to smile, knowing Brian was joking, but he also knew it would be hard for him to keep his mouth shut.

"Will Dr. Shannon be here soon?" Justin asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Cameron Shannon. Please call me Cam."

"And, please call me Justin. Mr. Taylor is my father and I don't like him very much."

The next fifteen minutes, Cam asked Justin questions to make him feel comfortable and get to know him a bit. "I know you have had some trauma in your life. You mentioned your father leaving once you came out. How did that make you feel?" Brian made a scoffing sound. "Do you have something to say, Mr. Kinney?"

"Are therapists taught to ask stupid questions?"

"Why is that a stupid question?"

"His father left the family because he's gay. He had to feel guilty, but his dad was the asshole."

"Justin, is that how you felt?"

Justin looked at Brian, "So much for being quiet." 

"Sorry, but it was a dumb question."

"It might be but I am sure Cam expects more out of my answer than it was dumb. He wanted to figure out if I felt guilty for breaking up the family."

"Very good, Justin. And you are right. That is what I was aiming for."

"I don't blame myself anymore. I did for a short time but soon I realized my mom was much happier and actually we all were.  He was an asshole before he knew I was gay, too. My mom hadn't been happy with him for years. She made that clear to me and I do believe her."

"That is outstanding. Mr. Kinney, was that the answer you thought he would give?"

"Yeah, but I am not the one that the appointment is for."

"Brian, you started talking? Was that the answer you expected?"

"It is, but Daph told me that."

"You sounded like you have a strong feeling about fathers."

"I have no opinion at all about parents. Now, can we go back to Justin and I'll shut up."

Cam directed his look back at Justin. "Justin, I understand your father leaving was probably a benefit. Having two parents in a family doesn't make the family better. So what did affect your life growing up?"

"Which one do you want first?" Justin hesitated for a split second and then made the decision.  "The night of my senior prom I was the victim of a hate crime. It's kind of funny, as much as my father hated to admit I was gay, he sure wanted to get as much money out of me being gay as he could."

"I remember that incident. It scared a lot of us at that time. Can you tell me what happened?" 

As Justin started to recall the events, Brian put his arm around Justin's shoulder, lending support as he talked through what he remembered and what he had been told. Justin started out emotionless but by the time he talked about his recovery, he was shaking with the memories of the pain and rehabilitation.

"Justin, when you think back to that time now, what do you think of?"

"It was bad but it made me stronger. It wasn't fair that he didn't pay for it the way I think he should have, but I think in some ways it made me stronger and it brought out a talent far greater than I had before."

"That is very wise. It is getting late. Will you come talk to me again? I feel like what we covered today definitely affected your life, but I get the feeling that you have come to some kind of inner peace with that event. Although, I get the feeling that there is more to discuss."

Justin nodded, "I think you are right."

"When can we come back?" Brian blurted out.

"Well, how about next week, the same day?" Cameron asked.        

"How about tomorrow at the same time?"

"Well, I'm not sure. Tomorrow is my day off."

"Brian, it can wait."

"Justin, I have gotten to know you well enough that either you won't come back or by then you will have rethought all of it six times."

Cameron looked between Brian and Justin and seeing the look on Justin's face he decided Brian might be right. "I can make tomorrow work. Can we make it 4:30 instead? I can make that work."

Minutes later, Brian and Justin were on the elevator descending to the parking garage. "You have dinner plans? We could pick up some chicken or Chinese," Justin asked Brian as he got in the car.  

"Oh," this took him by surprise. "Are you sure?"

"If I go home alone I will drink too much and think too much."

"Are you sure you don't want Daphne to come over?"

"No. I love her but I don't need her pity and I don't want to have to explain everything we talked about or didn't talk about."

"Chinese it is."

Justin pulled out his phone and, after asking Brian what he liked, put in an order. "It will be at the apartment about the time we arrive. Just pull into the parking garage. I have a pass for you."

"Justin," Brian stopped.

"What?"

"Never mind." The words Brian wanted to ask played around in his brain. Was there a chance that the two of them could ever... good thing he hadn't asked because he wasn't sure what he wanted yet. Brian drove into the underground garage and followed Justin's directions to his free spot.

"We will need to stop at the front desk. I am guessing our food will be waiting for us." When they arrived at the desk the food hadn't arrived yet. "Do you mind waiting for the food? I really need to..." 

"Sure, no problem."

Justin turned to the doorman, "Please give my friend access to the elevator."

"Will do, Mr. Taylor."

Ten minutes later Brian knocked on Justin's door. "Coming," came the reply. Justin appeared with a drink in his hand.

"I thought I was supposed to stop you from drinking too much," Brian said as he walked past.

"This is soda with lime. Do you want one?"

"Sounds good." He saw that Justin had silverware and chopsticks out, along with some bowls, on the kitchen counter.  

"I didn't think we needed to sit by the dining table. This is good enough isn't it?"

"Sure, at my place I sit by the coffee table most of the time." Brian started opening containers while Justin got him his drink and soon they were both eating and started talking about classmates from their school days. They weren't in the same grade but remembered some of the same people.

"So, college, I am guessing there were plenty of guys."

"And a few girls," Brian commented. "I had to try it. It was not worth my time. How about you? Daph said you have had a few relationships."

"I guess I... I couldn't do it?"

"You couldn't what?" Brian was confused at the turn in the conversation.

"I couldn't talk about what happened. I don't know if I will ever be able to. And I can't keep a relationship. I am not worth the work. I can't trust."

Brian stood and walked over to Justin. He turned him on his stool and then placed a hand on his cheek, "You are so worth it." He gently brushed his lips against Justin's. "I just hope you will let Cam help you, let me help you, and once you realize there are people you can trust, that you will let me show you what a trusting relationship can be." Brian kissed him once more.  He took it slow and deepened it as he pulled Justin into his arms.

"Brian," Justin said softly, "Take me..."

"I hope to do just that sometime very soon. But now, I need to go. I will pick you up tomorrow.  Just let me know where to pick you up."

"Brian, I really do want to learn to trust. but right now I really want sex."

Brian dropped a kiss on his forehead. "Another time." With that Brian left the apartment. He really hoped Cam was as good as Daph had said. He wasn't sure how long he could say no to Justin Taylor.

"So, how did Justin's first session go? Do you think he will work with Dr. Shannon?" Daphne asked Brian.

"I think so. Cam didn't push him. He started with prom night which, we both know, he has talked through more than once. He already had that processed." Changing the subject, Brian opened a file on his computer. "I got your list. Are those ten men a sure thing?"

"I would say eight are definite. The other two are close but I can't promise. I think if you talk to them, as another victim..."

"I will consider it. I don't want the hearing to center on me just because people know my face."

"I think letting them know we have more support than just my publication and me, will help a lot."

"We'll set something up. Maybe an evening next week," Brian said, trying to avoid Daphne's eyes.

"Brian, did something else happen at Justin's appointment?" 

"No, nothing else happened at the appointment."

"After the appointment then?"

"We just shared Chinese because he didn't want to drink himself into oblivion and he was afraid he would if he was alone."

"Chinese... Did you have something else besides dinner? Did you have dessert by chance?"

"Daph, no! I am just trying to get him through this and hopefully he will change his mind about supporting the cause with me, with us."

"Brian I am not doubting your motives. I think I have gotten to know you quite well. And do you want my honest opinion?" Brian nodded. "I think the two of you were made for each other but you can't run off. If you break up..."

"Woah, I've kissed him four times and you have us breaking up before a relationship starts?"

"What? Wait! Have you kissed?"

"Well, two of those he is totally unaware of. He was asleep." Now Brian looked her directly in the eyes. "What is it about him? He is stronger than I ever will be and yet I want to protect him."

"It's because you can't imagine ever living without him in your life, now that you know him. I always knew who he was but I knew he would be my best friend forever. And I always hoped that someday we both would find the other kind of love but in the meantime, we would always have each other."

"I hope you both know how lucky you are to have each other."

"Brian, have you thought about talking to Dr. Shannon?"

The change of subject surprised Brian, "Do you think I need to?"

"Brian, I know you have been alone most of your life. You have had to do it on your own. Maybe, with a little guidance, you will be able to learn to trust, too."

"Daphne, you are really a tricky shit aren't you."

"I hope so. In my line of business I have to be tricky. When is Justin's next appointment?"

"This afternoon."

"You didn't want him to back out, did you?"

"No, he's too smart to let things simmer."

Justin texted Brian and he was waiting outside his apartment building when Brian pulled up. 

"Are you ready to do this?" Brian asked.

"Are you ready to have pizza after the appointment?"

"I'd prefer we order poke bowls."

"Sushi it is."

As Brian pulled up into the parking lot below Shannon's office building, Justin touched his arm. "Brian, this isn't going to be pretty. I thought about it all day. My painting was a little crazy today. My feelings just kind of threw up on the canvas."

"I am going to be right there. Justin, nothing you say will surprise me or make me think differently about you. Fuck, he did so much to me. I thought he liked me. He made it seem like he was showing me how to be a good homosexual. I didn't realize I was being groomed. Hell, I just realized that in the last month. Justin, I think we both need this appointment. Are you willing to share it?"

Justin reached over and, putting his hand behind Brian's neck pulled him closer. When their lips met, they lingered and as they put some space between them, Justin said, "But if I share my appointment, I plan to share a whole lot more than that at a later date."