The next week, they spent time around the house. Justin spent a good deal of time in the studio while Brian split his days between work and the kids. A couple of evenings Justin didn't even come into the house to sleep and when Brian went to check on him, he waved him off and kept painting.

Brian walked over and looked at the paintings he was working on. It was dark and disturbing and yet fascinating and stunning. "Wow, these are gorgeous."

No response.

Brian tried to slip his arms around Justin but he stepped away. "Justin, we need to talk about this. What do I need to do or say? Cain is gone. I'll never see him again."

Justin turned and dropped the brush on the table. "You still don't get it, do you?" 

"I do but it is over. I love all our kids. I always have and I always will."

"So you will never separate Gus out as a Cain?"

"I can't do that. Gus knows he's a Cain."

"Only because you made sure he thought he was different. Leave me alone."

"Fine! I'm going into town for a drink. Don't forget Jenn will be here at the end of next week."

"I don't forget my mom and she doesn't forget me either." With that he turned around and started painting again. 

After letting Rachel and Sonya know he was going into town. He drove to the pub and went in.  He was surprised to see someone waving him over. "Hey, Brian, come join me." Maggie's husband said. He got the bar maid's attention and soon Brian had a pint of Guinness in his hand. "So, what brings you in without your other half? You didn't have a fight, did you?"

"We really didn't, but he's not talking to me."

Jack laughed, "Oh you may as well say you did something. It usually speeds up the makeup."

"Ah, I wish it was that easy. My mother-in-law is coming next week. She'll straighten him up." He laughed lightly but it was obvious his heart wasn't in it. Brian drank and talked and drank more. Into his third stout he saw Jack text someone. "You don't have to stay here if you have someplace to be." 

"Aye, I do have to go, but I happen to know Kate is free tonight so she will be here in a few minutes. She could use a drink herself. That bloke she married is an ass."

"I've never had the pleasure to meet him."

"Meeting him is never a pleasure. He has been away for months and now he says..."

"Da, you wouldn't be talking about your grandchildren's father would ya'?"

"I might have been, darling daughter." Jack kissed her on the cheek, "but I will let you finish the story, as it is your story to tell." He patted Brian's shoulder, "My girl is a great listener," and with that he left them.

"So what was Da telling you?" Kate asked as she took a large swallow of beer. 

"He was just saying your husband has been away for months and..."

"He sent me a letter and told me he wasn't coming back. He said he wanted a divorce."

"Oh, Kate," Brian put his hand on her upper arm. "I'm sorry." He took a breath, "Should I be sorry?"

"Fi, of course, is sad because he's her dad, but she knows it is better that he's gone."

"Is it better? What aren't you saying?"

"Matt tended to drink too much and when he drank he got depressed and when he got depressed he got angry and when he got angry..." Kate finished her drink and the server arrived with another drink for each of them.

"Kate, what are you saying? Did he..."

"Well, most of the time he would yell or throw things, but there were a few times..."

"Where is he?" Brian stood up but had to grab the table to steady himself.

"He's in Dublin. He says he is giving me everything, like that's a big deal. My granny gave me the house. I never knew what he did with his paycheck. He has a good job. He was supposed to be saving for our retirement. Brian, what am I going to do? I don't have any retirement. I..."

Her voice went higher and she started to shake as Brian put his arms around her. "That asshole.  Don't worry, Kate."

"I'm sorry, Da said you had a problem of your own."

"Oh it's just this thing with Cain. He is such a big presence, and Gus was really involved. The fact that Gus is blood made a difference to Cain, and Justin accused me of not loving the other kids as much."

"He can't be serious. If my husband showed Fiona just half as much as you show all your babes... he can't really think..." Kate drank some more.

"He just has shut me out completely," Brian said, and this time Kate put her arms around him as he held onto her tightly. "I miss him so much." They both emptied their glasses and Brian stood, "It's almost 1:00. I better go home."

"Brian, you can't drive anywhere. Come home with me. Fi is with Da and Mom so you can sleep in her room." She took out her phone and after several attempts she managed to send a text to Justin. It said, ‘bRian staying wit me. Crank lots. No dRiVing for HIm'.

Arm in arm they made their way the short distance to Kate's house.

Justin, knowing Brian went into town, he went to the house and, after a hot shower, crawled in bed. He tossed and turned, worried about how Brian would get back. He had just dozed off when he heard his phone ping. He reached for it and saw the message from Kate. "Crank lots?" he said out loud. He thought for a second. "Drank lots. I wonder who drank more, her or him." He had to smile a little. At least he had Kate with him and he wouldn't try to drive home. He got up and first checked on Jessi before crossing the hall and looking in on the boys. After moving back to his room he stood by the window and looked over the meadow. 

He picked up his phone and called his mom. "Honey, I didn't expect a call from you tonight. It's almost 2:00 isn't it?"

"Ya. I just couldn't sleep so I thought I would give you a call." They talked for several minutes and, although Jenn could tell something was wrong, she didn't ask again. After saying goodbye, Justin sat on the edge of the bed and then light came into the room from the hallway.

"Daddy J., who were you talking to?"

"Gus, what are you doing up?" 

Gus walked over and got up on the bed with him. He took his hand. "Why are you mad at Daddy? Did he do something? Fi said her daddy and Kate aren't in love with each other anymore. Did you and Daddy fall out of love?"

Justin wrapped his arms around Gus. "Oh, God no, Gus! I love your father so much that it hurts, but we have some things to work out. And never ever worry about your dads loving you. We will always love you."

"But Daddy J, I know this has to do with me and Uncle Cain." 

"It does but that isn't your fault. Now, to answer the question you asked when you came in, I was talking to Grandma. She will be here in a few days and I am very excited!"

Jenn thought about it for a couple minutes and then called Brian. He was just arriving at Kate's when his phone rang. "Justin, is that you?" a sloppy Brian asked.

"No, but where the hell are you and why aren't you with him?"

"Ah, my beeeautiful mother in love. He doesn't want me around."

"He didn't say that on the phone. What is going on?"

"Oh Jenn, he can't get over the Cain thing. I know you've talked to my dad. He knows I love our children. I don't know what he wants me to do." Brian's voice was slurred.

"Brian, where are you? I know you aren't at the estate."

"I'm at Cousin Kate's. You'll like her... Jenn, I need to..."

"Goodnight, Brian. I'll see you soon." Jenn said before disconnecting the call.

"Oh, Kate, what am I going to do?" Kate sat down next to Brian on the sofa and handed him a whiskey.

Kate clinked her glass to Brian's and said, "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."  

They both took the shot and Brian dropped his head onto Kate's shoulder, "But I want. I want so much!"

Kate wrapped her arms around Brian's neck. "Oh, Brian, I know about want." She gave Brian a kiss and as she did, her hand was busy with his fly. "It has been so long since I have kissed a man," Kate said.

Brian sighed, "It has been far too long since I kissed a man, too."

As he completed the sentence, he took in a deep breath as Kate took his cock into her warm mouth, and as he dropped his head to the back of the sofa, he closed his eyes and drifted off with thoughts of Justin.

"Fuck!" Brian mumbled as the sun landed in his eyes. How much did he drink last night? Where the hell was he... As he tried to keep his eyes open he remembered coming home with Kate.  He sat up and then shut his eyes and thought again. "Oh, shit..." He placed his elbows on his knees and then rested his head on his hands. God, what had he done.

Kate came down the steps slowly. "I'll make coffee," she said quietly.  

He heard her moving in the kitchen and he got up and took a pee before going into the kitchen, and then dropped into a chair at the table. Brian watched Kate pour a cup of coffee for each of them and brought them to the table. As she handed him a mug she refused to meet his eyes.

"So I am guessing my memory, although very foggy, is accurate?" Brian asked.

Kate dissolved into tears, "Brian, I am so sorry. I have no idea what came over me."

"Your husband is divorcing you. My husband keeps telling me nothing is wrong but won't even talk to me. And now, he will throw me out and..."

"Brian, Justin doesn't need to know any of this. Hell, we can barely remember if it happened. I won't say a word. I would never try to come between you and Justin. I am so sorry!" Kate laid her head on the table, placing her hands on the back of her neck.

"Kate, I don't lie to Justin. I can't. He can always see through me and I can't live a lie with him."

"Brian, you did nothing wrong. I was the one that dropped to my knees like a drunk school girl. You didn't do anything. Tell him I tried to kiss you in my drunken stupor. It's true. You did nothing else."

"Got any more of this?" He held up his mug. Kate refilled the cup and poured the remainder of the coffee in her own mug. 

"I am sorry. I..."

"Kate, we were both drunk. You're right, I didn't do anything and neither did you. I did kiss you and Justin will be cool with a drunken kiss." Brian drained the cup. "I better call him. I'll let him know where I am. That is just something else he can get mad about."

"Don't you remember, I texted him last night."

"I think I remember that, but it is time to call him anyway." Brian called Justin but got Gus instead.

"Hi Daddy. Where are you? Molly is keeping some porridge for you."

"I am at Kate and Fiona's house. I will be coming home very soon. Is your Daddy there?" Brian could hear voices in the background and then footsteps.

"How's the hangover?" Justin asked.

"Bad. I'm sorry I didn't make it back. I wasn't fit to drive and neither was Kate so she let me crash on her sofa. Fi was with her grandparents."

"So are you coming home soon?"

"I am about to leave. Justin, can we... I love you. I'll see you soon."

"I'll be in the studio, working."

"Justin, we need to talk. I need you."

"Gotta go. Molly has your breakfast waiting."

"FUCK!" Brian moved his hand back ready to throw his phone but stopped himself. "I'm out of here." He saw Kate's face crumble and he stopped and hugged her. "We're good, Kate. Nothing happened except a simple drunken kiss." And with that, Brian, put on his coat and went out the door and started jogging down the road.

Brian arrived at the house, but before he could go find Justin, Liam stopped him. "Grandma wants you to come to the kitchen for breakfast. She says if it sits there another ten minutes it will not be edible."

"I'm really not..."

"Don't make me tell her you aren't coming, sir."

Brian had to smile at the young man, "Alright, I guess it will wait a little longer."

He entered the house and tossed his coat on a hook by the door. "Good morning, young lady." Brian kissed Molly's cheek. "I hear you have my breakfast waiting."

"I hope the night was worth how you feel this morning."

"Where are the kids?" Brian asked as Molly set a bowl of food in front of him.

"They are upstairs with the lasses." Molly poured herself a cup of tea and sat next to him. "Tell me your troubles, Brian."

"Molly, do you know how I can get him back? What should I say or do to get him to love me again?"

"Oh, you foolish man. If he didn't love you so much, this wouldn't be a problem. I know he is a man wise beyond his years, but it is easy to forget his age. I think there are times he has to let his heart, soul, and mind figure out what is next. When you are too close his heart takes over and his soul and mind lose focus."

"But I'm losing my mind without him." Brian ate several more bites of his oatmeal, trying to distract himself so the tears didn't start.  

"Go talk to the boy, the man, you love."  Brian hugged the older woman tightly for a full minute and then turned and walked out the door.

As he moved toward the studio, he had a flash of Kate kneeling in front of him and he sighed. Forgive me, sweetheart, but right now we can't deal with that, too. He hated keeping anything from Justin but Kate was right. He really hadn't done anything but get too drunk.

Brian entered the small cottage and moved up the stairs. "Hey, Gus..." Justin looked over his shoulder and stopped mid sentence. "I thought... glad you made it home safe."

Taking a chance, Brian walked over to him and putting a hand on the back of Justin's neck he lowered his lips to Justin's. Justin touched Brian's cheek and parted his lips granting Brian access. When their tongues met the bolt of electricity was so strong they both actually took a step backward.

After a heartbeat Brian softly said, "I have missed you so much, but I think I understand why we have needed some time apart. A very wise woman explained it to me."

"Kate?"

"Molly. She reminded me that we process things differently. She said you still love me." Brian looked him in the eyes.

"Oh, Brian, you can't doubt that," Justin stepped back to Brian who took him in his arms, "but I am not ready to just ..."

"I can't say I understand everything you are thinking, but I know it is important to you. Please, tell me you know I love our kids. I would give my life for all of them. Aaron is no longer a toddler.  He has become a boy while we have been here and if Jessi got any sweeter... I will always be here for all of you."

With a hand on both of Brian's cheeks, Justin kissed him lightly, "I do know that. Cain was vile but he did get me thinking. We could have something similar with Aaron some day. Our father could..."

Brian interrupted. "The only fathers Aaron has are you and me, and he will never have any further contact with him."

Justin stepped backward out of Brian's reach. "And there is your double standard again. Brian, please go to the kids. I promise once Mom gets here, I will have these paintings done. They will need that much time to dry before we leave for home. When we get home we are going to have to talk to our lawyer and..."

"Lawyer!  But you just said you love me!"

"Not a divorce lawyer, Brian, but we do need to put into writing what would happen to the kids if one or both of us died. I need to see it written somewhere how the estate would be divided." Justin gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Now, I really want to finish this piece," Justin turned and did not look back as Brian descended the stairs and walked back to the house.

Justin made it to the table for supper that evening, and after putting the kids to bed, he went to their shared bedroom with Brian. "I'm going to take a shower and then go back to the studio. I am getting so close to finishing and they need to dry for several days before they can be boxed for shipment home."

Brian slipped his arms around him from behind, "May I join you in the shower?"

"If you tell me about your night while you wash my back." Justin pulled off his shirt. "And don't expect too much."

"You are in control, my love."

As they stood under the hot water and Brian ran a bar of soap down Justin's back he started talking. "I talked to Kate's dad for a while as we drank a couple pints of Gunness, but then he had to leave and he texted Kate, who appeared. And we continued to drink." Brian kissed the spot where Justin's graceful neck met his strong shoulder.

"I never thought Kate was a heavy drinker." Justin tilted his head away from Brian's exposing more area for Brian to kiss.

After some careful tending to that stretch of neck, Brian continued, "Her husband asked for a divorce. I don't think she loves him anymore, but it is still a life altering event and he is Fi's dad."

Justin turned. "Of course! That would be heartbreaking. So when did you leave the pub?"

"When they made us, we walked the short distance to her house. We were both so drunk. We had a sloppy kiss before I passed out on the sofa and she stumbled up to bed." He turned Justin to face away from him again and mumbled something about not being done with the view. He hadn't lied, but had he been honest?

As they dried off a few kisses and caresses were shared, but soon Brian lay in the bed by himself and Justin was back out at the studio. He pictured Justin's body in his mind. He had lost some weight but Molly was making sure he ate something. She had a knack for sending out homemade finger food that he would take time to grab a bite of as he worked. Brian knew he hadn't been eating well either, but he had packed on a few pounds with Molly's cooking so it was a good thing trimming down a bit. His hand went down to his cock but he knew that would do nothing for the need he had. He would give one night in Justin's arms for 1000 blow jobs. He laid awake for an hour or so but he eventually fell asleep and dreamt of the night outside under the stars. That was the last time they had a night of pure love.

It was 24 hours before anyone saw Justin, but rather than being exhausted when he came back to the house, he was on a high. He spent the afternoon rolling around with the kids on the floor, playing with the kittens and watching movies, but his lack of sleep caught up with him at the dinner table. After eating a full meal his head started drooping before the kids were done eating dessert. 

"Daddy, wake up." Jessi reached a whipped cream covered hand over and touched Justin's sleeve.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I..."

"Daddy, take Daddy J to bed," Gus said innocently.

Brian glanced at Rachel and Sonya, Rachel responded, "Take him up. We will take care of the kids and clean up the kitchen.

"Thank you, ladies." Brian gave them a genuine smile. "Not sure what we would have done without you this trip." He walked over and pulled Justin's chair out. "Come on, Love. You need to sleep." 

Justin leaned into Brian as Brian's arm supported him as they walked up the steps. Brian helped him undress and get into bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed he kissed him and then stood, but Justin caught his hand. "Stay."

Brian took off his pants and shirt and laid down on the bed, making sure Justin was covered as well as himself. Justin appeared to be asleep but in the still coherent part of his mind, he moved until he was spooning with Brian. Brian draped his arm over his waist and tightened it. "Missed you, Brian."

Brian couldn't respond. His throat had closed and as he placed his hand over Justin's heart, tears rolled down his cheeks. They weren't back to normal, but they had come so far. For the first time in a couple weeks he fell into a deep, restful sleep.

The next morning, Justin felt soft hair brush his cheek. "Brian, what are you doing?" He heard a giggle and opened his eyes. Jessi, Aaron, and Gus stood at the end of the bed and Kevin, the kitten, was now licking Justin's cheek while Jenn decided to lay across Brian's face.

"Sure, I get blamed for the kitten and if I don't kiss any better than that..." Brian took Jenn into his hand and tucked her into the crook of his arm as he repositioned himself and smiled at the three monkeys now climbing onto the bed, Gus making sure the little ones got on the bed before jumping on himself. They spent the next half hour playing with the kittens and just loving each other.

"Daddy, love you." Jessi threw herself onto Brian's chest, almost knocking the wind out of him. He grunted and she giggled, "Sorrry." Brian pinned her to the mattress and tickled her as she laughed for a moment.

"I hate to interrupt this joyful moment but Molly says if you don't get down there for breakfast soon, she is throwing it all out," Sonya said from the door.

"We'll be there in ten minutes," Justin said as he rolled out of bed. Brian and Justin both pulled on their own clothes and then Justin took Jessi and Brian took the boys, and ten minutes later they were walking down the steps. 

Molly tried to look irritated but there was a small smile on her lips. As Justin got the kids in their chairs, Brian went to get them each a cup of coffee. He kissed her cheek and whispered, "Thank you," was all he said. 

As he poured the coffee she said, "Someone had to set you straight. Now sit so I can feed you."

As they ate, everyone was talking about grandma coming. "Today, everyone is going to clean up their rooms. Make sure all your toys are put where they belong and When Molly brings up your clothes, they need to be put in the drawers." Justin looked at Gus, "Can you help your brother put away his clothes?"

"Sure, Daddy J. His clothes are little. It won't be hard. Do you want me to help with Jessi's, too?"

Brian smiled at Gus, "I think we can help her put her stuff away. You help us a lot already." 

Once all the chores were done, Brian and Justin bundled the kids up and loaded them into the van. With a basket of snacks, they went to the Cliffs of Moher. It was a sunny day and as hyped as the kids were about Jenn coming they needed to run off some of their excess energy. Although it was cool, the sun was bright and there was no wind. They explored some of the rocks and a couple caves that were easy to access. They ate the snacks that Molly had sent along and the sun was getting low in the sky when they all got back into the van and went back to the house.

Brian and Justin left for the Limerick airport at sunrise. They decided it would be best to leave the kids at home. It would give them a chance to talk and let the kids have a normal day. It was the last day Gus would have school classes with Sonya. They would be taking a two week break before heading back to the U.S. and Gus would start regular school after Christmas break. 

As Brian and Justin moved down the nearly empty roads they sipped coffee in silence for several kilometers. As Brian finished his coffee and set it down, Justin asked, "Did you want some of the breakfast Molly sent?"

"No, I'm not hungry yet. Justin, I don't want to fight but I think we need to talk. I really hate what's going on between us. What do I need to do to fix this?"

"There is nothing you can do to fix this. You can't change who you are and who you are related to."

"But I did something to start this. I know I did. I just didn't understand how it would affect you at the time."

"Are you saying I am over-dramatic?" Justin retorted.

"No, Justin. That isn't what I was insinuating. You always think deeper than I do. I just know I love my kids. You think about how something affecting Gus will affect Aaron and Jess."

"We have to do that. Our family is complicated."

"I do understand what you are thinking now. Gus just understood what was going on. He needed to be involved."

"Did he, Brian? Did he really need to meet the man who killed his great great grandparents?"

"That is a moot point. What can we do now to make it alright?"

"I don't know, Brian. I just don't know! Aaron could receive money from my dad, although he doesn't have much."

"Quinn said Cain probably didn't have any money either."

"Brian, I just don't want to think any of them should be treated differently than any of the others."

"None of them are going to have to worry about money, but do you really think they will feel any different?"

"I don't know. I just don't know." Justin stared out the window.

Brian reached over and touched his shoulder. "I don't want us to end up in an argument. Please, can we keep the truce. I want to talk about this but it can wait. I promise we will work this out once we are home."

"I'm sorry I can't just shake this off and go on. I just can't."

"I understand. And I promise we will work this out. Do I ever break my promises?"

"No, Brian, you always try to keep your promise." Justin looked over at his husband, "I love you."

"I know you do and I love you. I will always love you."

With that, Justin's phone sounded and he looked at it. "Mom's plane just landed!" He sounded like a little boy with the excitement in his voice.

"Let her know we are fifteen minutes out. That should time out perfectly." Brian reached over and squeezed Justin's hand. "It will be good to have Jenn here."