It was crazy how much I actually missed him. Like for real. I missed him all the fucking time. It didn't matter how much time had passed since we parted ways because it didn't change the fact that I felt lost and completely alone without him. I couldn't move on and just forget, nor did I want to. He was a big part of my life and that's something I couldn't just ignore. Actually, I still naively believed that one day he would come back... but let's face it, that was just wishful thinking on my part.
My life had been turned upside down ever since he left, or I should probably say I was back to my old self and mainly to my old ways, but the difference now was that instead of pleasure, I was desperate for distraction. An evening at Woody's, a night at Babylon, in the backroom, drinking booze, doing all kinds of drugs, and looking for anything that even remotely resembled Justin in every trick I was with represented my current life. My sad, lonely, miserable life. A life that had no meaning at all. Not without Justin Taylor in it. But he'd been gone long enough for me to know that I only had two options - either I was going to keep going like this and end God knows how, or I was going to pull myself together and do something about it. But how? How, when I was still so madly in love with him?
But at the same time, I hated him for the way he made me feel. Little shit.
"So which one do you like better?" Emmett asked me.
"Huh?" I looked at him confused. As usual, thoughts of Justin made me oblivious to what was happening around me.
"I'm asking who you find hotter so I know who I can go after," he replied with a chuckle.
To explain what was going on, well... Emmett and I... somehow got close, not by choice, but it just kind of happened. Mikey was living his fairytale straight-out-of-a-hetero-movie life in the suburbs with the professor, and Ted had his own happily ever after with Blake... and me and Emmett? Well, let's just say that neither of us was exactly happy. You all know my reason and Emmett's probably as well, after that famous football player there was just no one in his life that he felt like he could love... so here we were, sitting in Babylon, drinking booze and looking for someone to spend the night with and I honestly didn't think that we would ever grow out of it, Emmett and I were quite similar in that - when we loved someone, it was in a way that lasted forever and nothing could replace it.
"Him," I nodded in the blond's direction. No surprise there.
"Fine," he sighed in disappointment. "I liked him better too... but fine, I'll settle for the other one. I mean, he has nice lips, I wonder what he can do with them," he said dreamily, finishing his drink. "Wish me luck. Not that I need it," he chuckled and went to use his undeniable charm on the guy.
My eyes were of course immediately fixated on the one I chose and it didn't take long for him to notice my gaze and we both instantly knew where we would end up tonight. Once I finished my Jim Beam, I followed him onto the dance floor, looking directly into his eyes the entire time I was walking up to him. Maybe because they were blue like Justin's or maybe because they weren't Justin's and it was killing me. But despite that, I didn't stop. And the moment I stood next to him, our bodies pressed together and he immediately started kissing my neck, eagerly rubbing his hard dick against me.
"I want to fuck you so bad," he breathed against my skin.
I had to smile, not because I liked his offer, or because I'd suddenly become a bottom after all these years without Justin, but because I remembered how Justin wanted the exact same thing and even though I kicked and screamed, I eventually gave in and liked it more than I care to admit. But Justin was and always will be the only one.
"Sorry, but tonight you're the bottom," I told him.
He looked disappointed, but in the end he was probably glad to be near me at all. Then I grabbed him by the belt and took him straight to the backroom where I fucked his brains out. But unfortunately I wasn't successful in getting Justin out of mine. And frankly, I've given up hope that he'll ever leave my mind alone.
"So... will you give me your number?" he asked when we were done looking almost nervous.
"Number?" I arched my brows amused.
"Yeah... your phone number," he explained like I was an idiot.
"Sorry - I don't do repeats."
"Are you sure? I mean we could grab a drink or something."
Was it just me or was he trying to ask me out... or something?
I knew immediately that I had to get out of there real fast because he looked like the type that didn't take 'No' for an answer. Although I probably liked that type, as it turned out with Justin. But that didn't change the fact that the only person I ever wanted to date (and love) was Justin.
"Have a nice night," I said and turned to leave.
"Guess not?"
"You guessed right."
I went back to the bar and saw that Emmett was still on the dance floor with his brunet but he didn't seem bothered by it. But somehow I was no longer in the mood to stay and desperately look for a distraction, in fact it felt like a waste of time because apparently there weren't enough distractions in the entire universe to stop me from thinking about Justin Taylor. Therefore, I finally decided to call it a day and headed home.
I've always said the loft was only big enough for one person, but the more time passed, the more it felt like it was awfully empty without Justin hanging around. It was honestly crazy how much I actually missed his clothes lying on the floor, the drawings on the table, the mess in the kitchen after making his famous Jambalaya and most importantly hearing his voice and feeling his presence.
God I was definitely losing my mind, I mean I had my ups and downs, but this was just hell as far as Justin was concerned, it was like everything was catching up with me. So I figured I'd better take a quick shower and then go to sleep or at least try to.
But as much as I wished to wake up to a more positive and cheerful day, it wasn't even seven in the morning when someone with a obvious death wish started knocking on my door.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I yelled into my pillow.
Realizing that they clearly weren't going to give up, I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and then, with a sore head and bad reaction to the bright light, I went to open the door and see who obviously wanted me to kill them.
"Fucking finally!" Debbie exclaimed, not even waiting for an invitation as she basically pushed me aside and walked right in.
"Jesus, is something on fire or what?" I asked, my voice more than angry.
"When was the last time you checked your mailbox?"
"What?" I furrowed my brows, completely confused.
"You have to see this."
She shoved a white envelope into my hand and I looked at her like she was crazy. However, when she told me I should open it because what was inside would probably change my life forever, I did... and she was right. Everything changed.
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Chapter End Notes:
So what do you guys think is in the envelope? Please let me know in the comments if you're interested in reading more!