The only thing I appreciated about this damn party were the waitresses carrying trays of champagne. Every time one of the ladies walked by, I'd grab a glass and drink the whole thing. Not that it magically helped me unsee what was happening right in front of me, but at least it stopped me from killing someone. But not gonna lie, I was a ticking bomb. Watching Justin with that giant smile of his, looking like he was having the time of his life was unbearable. I just wished he'd stop pretending he wasn't hurting inside as much as I was. Or maybe he wasn't pretending. Maybe he was actually completely unbothered by the whole situation and the fact that I was dying inside while I watched him about to make the biggest mistake of his life. And I only had hours to stop him, but I was beginning to think that there was simply nothing I could do.
"You're just torturing yourself, you know that, right?" Lindsay joined me, giving me her sad look.
"Yep," I replied, not taking my eyes off Justin.
"Maybe you should go get some fresh air," she suggested. "You look like you could use it."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine, you're drunk and probably ready to do something stupid. And as your best friend, it's my job to stop you."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied nonchalantly. "I'm just sipping champagne and enjoying the party," I smiled cheerfully.
"Uh huh," she replied knowingly. "I just don't want you to do anything you might regret. And maybe you should give him some space."
"Sorry?" I quickly turned my head to her, arching my brows. "Space? You do realize he's getting married tomorrow, right? So I really don't have much time to change his mind."
"I know. I'm just saying this can't be easy for him. You're asking him to throw away the life he's built here and hurt the man he promised to spend the rest of his life with. He must be terrified, Brian."
"I'm starting to doubt you're on my side," I snorted.
"There are no sides here, I love you both equally and I want the best for you. But you can't force Justin to do anything, he has to decide for himself whether we like it or not."
"And what if he ends up choosing him?" I asked, feeling my heart squeeze just at the thought.
"Then you'll be heartbroken, probably for a really long time, but you will survive. Do you hear me? You're going to survive this. You always survive," she stroked my hair. "And I'll be here for you. We all will."
I appreciated what she was trying to do and I knew she was right, I would survive, it would completely crush my heart, but I would survive because that's what I've always done. I survived. I'm Brian Kinney. I'm indestructible. The problem was, I didn't want to just survive. I didn't even want to be put in that situation. I didn't want the rest of my life to be about trying to forget Justin Taylor, the boy who wouldn't leave me alone and made me fall hard for him. I didn't want him to be just a memory and a reminder of what I could have had. I wanted him to be a part of my life, I wanted him to be the last thing I see when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up. I just couldn't let him go. Not when I was still holding on to hope.
"You know me, Lindsay," I looked at her with a smile. "I'm not exactly a patient guy," I set my glass down, my gaze fixed on Justin. "Now if you'll excuse me..."
"What are you going to do?"
"What I have to," I replied with determination.
"Brian," she said through gritted teeth, but I wasn't going to let anything stop me, because this could very well have been my last chance to remind Justin that what we had wasn't something to just let go and forget.
The room was filled with people chatting, laughing, dancing, eating and celebrating, so many faces and sounds, but Justin was the one who stood out the most. He just shone across the room. And the closer I got to him, the more nervous I felt. A feeling I could only feel around him. I didn't even know it was possible to love someone this much, but looking at him and knowing that I wanted nothing more than to be with him confirmed to me that it really was possible. And I really wasn't ready to lose it.
The two of them were basically glued to each other all night, so I knew I couldn't wait for a moment when Justin was alone because I could wait a really long time and time was something I definitely didn't have. And I wasn't sure what corny things Mr. Perfect was whispering in Justin's ear, but I had to be literally inches away from them and clear my throat to make my presence known.
"Brian," Scott gave me a fake smile. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"Um, I just... any chance I can borrow your fiancé for a dance?" Seeing that smile disappear on his face was definitely satisfying. But seeing Justin's shocked expression made my wounds even deeper.
"Uh," he nervously glanced at Justin. "I suppose you'll have to ask him."
My heart suddenly started beating even faster as I was afraid he was going to reject me, but I was definitely not going to chicken out now. "Justin, may I have this dance?" I offered him my hand.
And for a moment it looked like if eyes could kill, Justin would definitely take advantage of it, but then something seemed to shift inside him and his face softened, his lips even curled into a slight smile, and suddenly his hand was holding mine and I immediately felt goosebumps all over my body.
"Sure," he replied shortly, but it meant the world to me.
We then moved to the dance floor, which unfortunately wasn't as empty as it was at the prom, but I didn't care because to me it felt like it was just the two of us. And even though I couldn't even remember the last time I danced with him, I certainly hadn't forgotten the feeling I always felt when our bodies pressed together and we moved to the rhythm of the music as we were completely lost in each other.
So when our bodies finally touched while we held each other, I thought I was going to explode with joy. At first we didn't even say a word, we just stared into each other's eyes, and even though Justin was trying really hard not to show any emotion, he wasn't succeeding. Because I could see he was enjoying it as much as I was. Or at least I liked to think he did.
And even though I knew I was taking a big risk that could backfire, I slowly let my hand slide down his back, dangerously close to his ass. I simply needed him to remember what my touch used to do to him and how much he loved it.
"What are you doing?" He finally broke the silence.
"I'm dancing... with you."
"You have your hand on my ass."
"Do I?" I asked teasingly.
He chuckled with amusement. "If you think that just because we dance together I'm suddenly going to change my mind, then..."
"I wouldn't dare think that."
"Uh huh," he replied knowingly.
"But..." I took a deep breath. "It feels good, doesn't it?"
"What?" He tried to pretend he didn't know what I was asking, but I could tell he knew very well.
So I smiled and moved my head closer to his so my lips were almost touching his ear. "This... us... dancing... being close... touching..." I said, my voice deep and raspy.
I heard him swallow, but he was quiet.
"We used to dance a lot. You loved it. You loved it when our bodies moved in harmony."
Still no response, though I could feel his body relaxing.
"There could have been a million people around us, but once we started dancing, it was like everyone disappeared and it was just us... our hands roaming over each other's bodies... our breathing deep and heavy..."
I heard another hard swallow.
"We could feel each other getting hard as we kissed so hungrily we could hardly breathe, knowing that no other man would ever get a taste of it because our lips belonged only to each other..."
"Brian," he grunted. "Stop it."
"Why?"
"You know damn well why."
"Yeah I know, but I don't care. Because I know what I want... I want you. I want us. I want a future with you."
"Brian," he breathed heavily. "Please."
"Don't marry him," I ran my fingers through his hair, not caring who could see. "Just don't."
"Brian-"
"I love you, Justin."
It was like he couldn't even believe I'd said it, he looked so surprised and I couldn't help but press myself even closer to him, my lips were so close to his that I could feel his breath on my skin and I knew nothing could stop me now, I was ready to do it no matter the consequences, I needed to kiss him, I needed him to feel how much I actually loved him... but the next thing I knew, I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my cheek before I hit the ground and suddenly it was just dark...