I stood completely still and had absolutely no idea what to do. I could have sworn my heart must have been heard by everyone in the room. It was beating so fast I was just waiting for it to jump out of my chest. I just couldn't take my eyes off him. He was shining like the sun. I always knew he was beautiful, but this was taking my breath away. He looked so mature. I mean, he always looked that way for his age, but this was... something else. And his body, God, his body. I wanted to touch him so bad. But I was doing everything in my power not to walk up to him and pull him into my arms… where he belonged.
It had been four painful years since I last saw him, but suddenly it felt like yesterday. It was like no time had passed. He was hugging everyone, laughing, and looking so damn happy. Which actually broke my heart a little, because part of me was hoping to find him here being miserable and waiting for me to save him. But this was the complete opposite. And once again, I felt guilty at the thought that I could possibly ruin his happiness.
"Oh, it's so good to see you, Mel. I missed you so much," Justin said, hugging her tightly. "Is Lindsay here?" he asked hopefully.
And at that moment the whole room fell silent and Justin, who had his back to me, didn't seem to understand what was happening. It wasn't until Melanie looked over his shoulder to let him know that Lindsay was standing there - right next to me - that he realized he should turn around. And that's exactly what he did.
And the next second our eyes met and for a moment the world stopped spinning. Suddenly there was nothing but the two of us. My heart instantly filled with immense joy and my lips curled into a soft smile. I didn't know what this boy was doing to me, but whatever it was, it had been going on for years, even when he hadn't actually been present in my life. I was just head over heels, deeply and crazily in love with him. Me, the guy who didn't believe in love, but in fucking.
"Brian," he finally said in a shaky voice, letting out a heavy breath with obvious shock written all over his face.
He clearly couldn't believe I was standing right in front of him. Probably as much as I couldn't believe he was standing in front of me. And honestly I was just waiting for him to come up to me and touch me to make sure I was real. And I certainly wouldn't mind. I craved his touch so much it actually hurt.
"Hey, Sunshine," I said, almost in a whisper, probably sending a shiver down his spine.
It was obvious that he had many thoughts running through his head and I hated that I didn't know what he was thinking. I used to read him like an open book and I knew him so well that I didn't even need his words to know what was going on inside him, but all I could read from his face now was just pure panic. And I hated that this was what my presence made him feel. On the other hand, he hadn't seen me in four years and I had just barged into his seemingly perfect life uninvited. So I guess I couldn't be surprised.
"What... what are you doing here?" he forced himself to ask.
"I'm here for the wedding," I replied, my voice sounding almost amused but bitter at the same time.
He immediately opened his mouth in an attempt to say something, but it was obvious he couldn't find the words. Which had probably never happened before. Because he never knew when to shut up, so this was new to me... and it was scary.
"Hey, handsome," Mr. Perfect suddenly came up to him, put his arm around his waist, pulled him close and kissed his hair. "Glad you're finally home," he whispered, but unfortunately I heard it anyway.
And suddenly all I felt was pure rage. Seeing him in another man's arms was something I never wanted to experience again. And yet here we were.
"Your friends are great. They told me a lot about you."
"Oh, God." Justin blushed nervously, trying to focus on his fiancé, but his eyes kept finding me. "I hope it's nothing embarrassing."
"Well, there are a few things I'd like to discuss with you... later," he said in a voice I didn't like at all.
Justin immediately bit his lip and said something I couldn't hear. Which was probably for the best. But suddenly there was this awkward silence where we all just stared at each other and prayed someone would say something.
"Brian," Daphne said after a minute, making me love her for saving the situation. "I'm so glad to see you. It's been a while," she walked over to me and hugged me. And she used that hug to whisper in my ear, "I really hope you know what you're doing."
"So do I," I whispered back and then pulled away. "You look hot as usual," I smirked.
She chuckled and rolled her eyes before turning her attention to Lindsay. And I turned my attention to Jennifer, whose face was completely unreadable. I guess it ran in the family. Although Molly seemed amused by the whole situation. Fucking teenagers.
"Jennifer, hi," I smiled warmly at her, hoping she was happy to see me. After all, she was so close to being my mother-in-law if New York hadn't gotten in the way.
"It's really good to see you, Brian," she smiled back and reached out her arms to hug me. Guess that was a good sign. Or at least I hoped it was.
But as much as I wanted to find out if she was ready to welcome Scott into the family with open arms, I was aware that this was not the time to do so. Especially when Mr. Perfect started urging us to finally go sit down at the table so the food wouldn't get cold.
"How are you feeling?" Lindsay asked when everyone was out of earshot.
I looked at her with a raised eyebrow before looking back at Justin who was in the arms of his fiancé. "The man I love is standing just a few feet away from me and he barely looks at me let alone talks to me, so what do you think?"
"I know it's hard," she sighed, rubbing my shoulder. "But you have to believe that everything will turn out well."
She had no idea how much I wanted to believe that, but seeing Justin doing everything he could not to look at me directly made me feel absolutely terrible. Where was the 17-year-old boy who wouldn't leave me alone? God, how I missed him.
"Brian, Lindsay, come join us," Scott said, giving us a big smile.
But it only made me want to punch him even more. Because either he was putting on an act or Justin actually wanted to marry a decent guy, which would only make the situation worse. But no excuses, no apologies, no regrets, right Kinney?
"I hate the guy," I said through gritted teeth.
"Just smile," Lindsay replied quietly, putting on a fake smile herself.
Then we finally went to sit with the others, and I realized how unlucky I actually was. Not only did I have to sit next to Emmett, who as usual couldn't stop talking, and Michael, who was giving me his pitying looks, but right across from me were our two lovebirds... if that wasn't a sign from the universe that I should take the first flight back to Pittsburgh, I don't know what was.
"Are you okay?" Michael asked in a low voice after a while.
"Ask me again and I swear I'll stick that fork in your hand," I replied, glaring at him.
"Okay," he thankfully went back to his eating.
But come to think of it, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to stick that fork in my eyes so I wouldn't have to keep looking at what was happening right in front of me.
Running my fingers through Justin's hair was one of my favourite things to do, especially right after sex when he was panting with his head resting on my chest. I could never get enough of it. But right now, I had to watch someone else enjoy it. And it really felt like my heart was bleeding.
The only positive thing was that Justin seemed uncomfortable - I mean, he was uncomfortable because he knew I was watching. He kept throwing glances at me, which he was obviously trying very hard not to do, but seeing him fail made me feel at least a little bit good.
But that wasn't the only thing I felt, because suddenly there was this anger in me, wondering what the fuck had happened to him. Wondering why he didn't come back to me like he said he would. Wondering why he wanted to marry someone else when he always said how much he loved me and only wanted me. And it was driving me absolutely crazy.
When we finished eating, we moved to the living room as instructed by Mr. Perfect. He gave this big speech about how happy he and Justin were that we had all come to celebrate their big day with them. I have never been more annoyed in my life. In fact, I had a hard time not bursting out laughing. Justin had really lost his mind. But it was my job to help him find it again. The question was whether he'd let me.
"Daddy?" Gus sat down next to me and I was finally able to focus on something other than Justin.
"Yeah, sonny boy?"
"Is everything okay between you and Uncle Justin? You two don't talk at all."
"You know, Gus, Justin and I... well, it's complicated," I sighed.
"Then you should try to fix it… because I really don't want him to marry that guy… he has such a weird voice," he was referring to his British accent.
And it made me laugh immediately. "I promise I'll try."
"Okay," he smiled.
And suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Justin leave the room and no matter how hard I tried to stay seated, I just couldn't. So after a few minutes I got up and followed him, hoping no one noticed. I didn't care how big the fucking house was, I was ready to find him and get him to talk to me.