1: WHO'S THE ASSHOLE?

Mel rolled her eyes and tried to concentrate on the mail in her hands. So far, she'd been able to keep her cool, but if Lindsay didn't shut up soon, she didn't know what would happen. Thank God the kids were with Debbie; the last thing Mel wanted was Lindsay acting like a fishwife in front of the kids. As the thought entered her head, she realized that Couples Therapy had helped her in the last year; too bad she couldn't say the same for Linds.

"I still can't believe he said that to me, can you?" Lindsay said as she laid plates on the table. "I mean, come on; I'm the only one who has been on their side since day one."

No wonder Brian built his walls, Mel thought to herself, having Linds and Michael as his ‘best friends,' it's a wonder the man could actually get through the day. Wow, did she really think that? Pity for Brian Kinney; what the hell was wrong with her world?

It took a moment to realize that silence had filled the kitchen, so Mel looked up and turned to see what had caused Lindsay to stop bitching. As she turned, she found her wife staring at her, as if she were waiting for Mel to say something.

"Right?" Linds asked.

Oops, she was waiting. What the hell had Linds been saying when Mel had tuned her out? "Yeah, yeah right," Mel said cautiously.

"Exactly," Lindsay said as she turned and pulled open a drawer and started to collect forks and spoons. "And believe me, I told Brian the same thing."

Mel wondered what she'd told Brian, but she wasn't going to ask; no, that would just lead to Linds' anger being turned on her.

"I mean, it's not as if they're a couple," Linds snapped as she got glasses down and set them next to their plates. "As Michael always says, they don't spend time together, and they don't have to face the ins and outs of being a couple. Mortgage payments, sick kids, bills... right?"

Mel's eyes opened on that one. Jesus, what fantasy world was Lindsay living in... Oh, wait, the same one that Michael lived in. If she and Lindsay, or Michael and Ben, had to face half the shit that Kinney and Justin had had to face, they probably wouldn't have dealt with it as well as those two did. The bashing, separations, hell, having their Liberty Avenue family stepping in and fucking up their relationship, and still, they were together. Ever since the asshole had decided that wanting and having a relationship with Justin was doable, they were stronger than ever. Thinking those thoughts led her to just blurt out the first thing in her head, "Linds, how do you think Brian and Justin pay their bills, the magic fairy?"

Lindsay stopped and turned to look at Mel. "But that's just it, they pay their bills, or should I say, Brian pays their bills. It's not as if Justin has to pay for anything; oh no, not with his sugar daddy, Brian, paying for everything."

Whoa... Mel couldn't believe it. No, wait, she could. Mel knew for a fact that Justin paid his own way in New York; she'd looked over his lease agreement for his loft/studio. Well, that's what he called it, but Ted and Emmett said it was more like a small attic room, but she knew who paid for it. She also knew that Justin paid his mom for half of the insurance coverage; his visits to the doctor never seemed to end. Hell, the kid had to take a weekend job, just to keep food in the loft/attic. Plus, Emmett had told her about the arguments between Justin and Brian about who was paying for what. She also learned in the past six years how independent that little shit was; too bad Michael or Lindsay never realized that.

She watched as the woman SHE LOVED bitched and complained once again about Brian's love for someone that wasn't her. Maybe she and Ben should get together one day and talk about this. ‘So Ben, tell me, how many times a day do the words ‘Brian' come out of Michael's mouth? Does Michael ever scream out Brian's name during sex?' Maybe they could start a support group. At that thought, she didn't stop to think before allowing the humor to show on her face.

"What the hell is so funny?" Lindsay's voice intruded on Mel's private thoughts.

"You," Mel said without thinking... Oh shit, now she'd done it.

"Me! What the hell did I do?!" Lindsay shrieked. She slammed the lid down on a pot and stood with her hands on her hips, waiting for Mel to answer her.

Waving her hand in the air, she turned back to the mail. Sighing, she prayed she could keep her mouth shut. "Nothing, just forget it."

"No, I won't forget it. You seem to think that everything I've been telling you is some kind of joke or something." Lindsay moved till she stood right in front of Mel. "What the hell is funny about Brian forcing Justin to return home after only two years in New York? New York is where he should be, and just because he can't go on living without Justin's..." Lindsay's face flushed; she looked down at the floor for a moment and then snapped her eyes back up to her wife. "...his ass. There I said it, alright? It's what you've been saying for years. Brian can't go without getting... fucked, so that means he's ruining Justin's chances of being a great artist. What the hell's so funny about that?"

Mel closed her eyes. Give me strength, she thought to herself. "Linds..."

"Don't you use that tone of voice with me!" Lindsay snapped. "All I've ever heard from you is what an asshole Brian is, so here I am, agreeing with you and you just stand there and laugh. I want an answer, damn it."

"Because you don't want Justin to come home, not because he'll lose his chance at being a great artist, he is and will always be a great artist!" Mel spits out. Bullshit, I'm tired of this shit, she thought, you want it, Linds, well you're going to get it. "It's because you can't stand the thought of Justin coming home and living in that big, beautiful house with Brian Kinney."

Linds took a step back, her eyes opening wide. "What, that's ridiculous..."

"Is it?" Mel said. "Let's just lay the cards out on the table, Linds, just like Dr. Garber has been telling us from the beginning, ok?"

Linds took another step back. "Are you saying I'm not being honest, that I'm... lying?"

Mel huffed out a laugh. "Honey, you've been lying since day one when it comes to Brian Kinney."

"WHAT?!" Lindsay shrieked, horrified that Mel would even say that to her.

"Since day one, baby," Mel said calmly. "You've been in love with Brian since the two of you played footsie together in college. All this talk about Justin staying in New York for his career is bullshit. Total bullshit."

"That's crazy, Mel, we've talked about this before, I'm not in love with Brian; if you could only get over this crazy jealousy you have."

"Do you practice giving yourself that speech in the mirror every day?" Mel asked. "Cause let's face it, babe, you love him, and if Brian wasn't gay, you'd be Mrs. Brian Kinney right now, with 2.5 kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. That's why you chose him to father our son, just one more way that Brian can be tied to you, Hey, look at me... I'm the only woman who has Brian Kinney's baby, no one else. So don't blame your jealousy on the fact that Justin is coming home. He's coming home because that's where he wants to be, it's where Brian wants him to be. And no matter how many Kinney buttons you push or pull this time around, Brian isn't falling for it."

Lindsay turned away and started fiddling with the pots on the stove again. "That's ridiculous; Justin needs to be in New York to further his car..."

"Bullshit! Ever since we moved back from Canada and you got a look at that big, beautiful house out there in the fucking backwoods of West Virginia, it's been driving you crazy that Justin is getting all the little fantasies with Brian that you'll never have. ‘Oh, Brian, can't we stay with you while we look for a place? Oh, Brian, you have all this room out here, and you're all alone. Oh, Brian, you'll get to see Gus every single day, you won't miss a thing in his life if we stay with you.' Huh! Yeah, right, Wendy wanted to live in the treehouse with Peter, and when Peter said no, all of a sudden, you've been on a tear about Justin staying in New York. Well, get it over, Wendy; Peter Pan grew the fuck up and has left you and Michael behind."

"Melanie, I can't believe you would say something like this to me." Lindsay was in complete shock. She wasn't doing that, she wasn't.

"You're the one that insisted that we start seeing a therapist, well, here ya go, baby. I've sat through all those sessions with you sitting there like the good little WASP you are, thinking I'm the one who needed it, and that you're fucking perfect. Well, guess what, you aren't. But I have been listening, and here's your truth. All these years, I've been blaming Brian because I couldn't blame you. Oh no, I made him out to be an asshole, so that I wouldn't look like the bigger one; thank your therapist for this one, sweetie. I'm the bigger asshole."

"Mel, where is all this anger coming from? What does this have to do with Brian forcing Justin to come home?" Lindsay's eyes started to tear up.

"Oh no, you don't, just keep those tears in your fucking head. I'm the asshole because I let you get away with it. I'm not saying Brian hasn't been an asshole, because he has, because you like him that way, but I'm the bigger asshole because I blamed him for your faults, your obsessions. Jesus Christ, between you and Michael, I'm amazed that the man hasn't checked out years ago. For almost fifteen years, I've watched the two of you manipulate him in the worst ways. I've always kept my mouth shut because I thought he deserved it. But in the last two years, I've seen that man change more than I thought possible. He's been a good friend to you, no, to us. He's helped us when we were at our lowest. He helped us make some big decisions, mentally, physically, and financially. Decisions that could have taken Gus even further away from him, but he was there helping us, by letting us make all the big decisions. Never once did he rub our noses in it, and never once did he make more than his usual snide remarks that I'd expected from him. But I learned something from Justin; it's not what he says, it's what he does. Something neither you nor Michael has ever taken the time to learn."

"I think I know Brian Kinney better than anyone else, even Michael," Lindsay defended herself, never realizing how condescending she sounded. "Because I see him as a man. Not a hero, not some God or King, plain and simple; a man."

"A man that you will never have," Mel stated simply. "A man who is a great father to both our children; hell, he spends more time with Jenny than Michael ever did. A man who takes care of those he cares about. A man who does and will love you and Michael until the end of time. But he has never, nor will he ever, be IN love with either of you. And both of you will have to face that fact before you can ever grow up and move on with your lives."

The two women faced each other for a few moments without saying a word.

"I can't believe you're saying these things to me," Lindsay finally whispered. Moving a chair out from the table, she dropped down into it. "I've never manipulated Brian, ever."

"Keep telling yourself that, maybe one day you'll believe it," Mel said, dropping the mail onto the table. "Linds, I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm not. But you are going to have to realize that in two weeks, Justin is going to be moving into that great big, beautiful house, and he's going to spend the rest of his life with the man he loves. The man who loves him. And if you and Michael don't stop trying to come between them... Well, then, you'll both have to learn to live without Peter Pan, because if you make him choose between you and Justin... we both know that Justin will win hands down. Face it, that kid is everything you and Michael aren't when it comes to Brian Kinney. Smart, accepting, and forgiving. Hell, that kid not only wrote the Manuel on the Care and Feeding of Brian fucking Kinney, but he's also the one who tamed him. Something you or Michael couldn't do in twenty years."

With that said, Mel turned and left the kitchen of the small apartment that she and Lindsay shared. Maybe she ought to call her cousin Rita and see if she and Jenny could come and stay with her for a while. Maybe then, she could make real plans because she was tired of living in this lie that Lindsay had been forcing her to live for almost fifteen years now.

Maybe...