You can't trust anybody

With Brian gone, Justin saw no reason at all not to stay and paint at school deep into the night. He could not expect Brian to go to bed before 11 PM, and that was one in the morning his time so there was no rush to get home at all. They really didn’t have dinner food either, so he would end up ordering out anyway. It so happened Max was out of town as well, so neither he nor Lilah left before midnight.

His 5X5 was going very slowly. On the golden brown background he had started with the silhouette of a primeval forest with trees magnificent and imposing, covered in vegetation and Spanish moss. Then, in the front he had painted the remains of a fire, ashes and glowing embers, and a pile of roasted almonds. Little by little he’d added new details. The sky above it all was ember colored, with long rich silk banners wrapped around tall steel posts floating in the air. There was some kind of a sleek feline running in the background with its pack following, a calm lake and a sudden waterfall, the faraway light and smoking chimney of home, each component an intricate piece of the others, not immediately or individually identifiable, a beautiful kaleidoscope of browns and golds and greens, in which other small details were hidden.

The shape of a hand. The lines of a mouth, a profile, an eye. Like Brandon, the painting was covered in lines. A crowd of men’s outlines dancing, fucking, a walk, a run, a body in repose, a body in the throes of passion, all integrated, all part of the greater whole and concealed in plain sight. The moon was above, but the shadows on it were not those of the moon. Who was to know it was the curls and indentations of skin in a navel? Who could have identified the small symmetrical folds that join in the center between what one could presume to be faraway mountains could be anything but the source of the river? Who could have guessed that the trunk of the tree, also part of the waterfall and of a post bearing banner could be anything else?

The more details Justin added, the more angles and shades he used, the more obscured the original drawings and the more living and breathing the presence in the canvas. He finished it on Thursday afternoon, adding anew some touches of the original background, filling in places with colors that appealed to his heart, recognizing after the fact the unctuous white of shaving cream, the dark grey of sheets, the rich brown of espresso, the camel of a winter coat, the black of a favorite shirt, the green of a Corvette, the red of a tongue, the transparent blue-green of a bottle of Decleor, the chestnut of a silken head of hair.

Justin himself could no longer find the individual images. The painting was gorgeous in its intricacies and harmony, an infinite swirl of small windows to a soul. He had felt the need to keep it hidden all this time, but finally decided to show it to Lilah. He called her over. As usual, she was excited at the prospect of seeing his finished work. She stood in front of it, her lips parted, her eyes running restlessly over the painting.

“Oh, Justin…” When she turned to him he was shocked to see tears running down her face, over her smile. “You have saved nothing of yourself. You have given it all to him. Your heart, your body, your soul… Does he have any idea just how much you love him? It’s so beautiful,” she said, hugging him, “but it makes me so scared for you. I hope with all my heart that he truly is your besheert, and has given himself to you just as freely and completely, that he would go to the same extremes to be near you, with you. That he is deserving of your gift.”

Justin smiled at his painting, thinking about Brian’s voice the night before, how from miles away it could reach him, his words like caresses, his warmth all around him, his love a living reality surrounding him. ”He has,” he answered without a doubt, “he would, and he is. I am so lucky, Lilah. In all the infinity of space and time, we have found each other.”

She nodded and wiped her face. “You shouldn’t show it to anyone else before you show it to him, not even Jason. It’s too late tonight. If you want, I’ll help you tomorrow. Isn’t he meeting you somewhere right after work? We could sneak it into your house. I think he will love it.”

Justin thought about their plans tomorrow. Yes. It would be perfect. “Thanks, Lilah…”

Jessica’s invitation had come as a surprise, but she had obviously planned it that way. He was looking forward to the evening. It was a while since they had seen Brandon and Todd, and he missed them a lot. It was so sweet of her to make a celebration of the occasion. He was pretty nervous about the show. He and Jason had worked the order they wanted to present the pieces when Jason had received the three from Pittsburgh. He had apparently been pleasantly surprised, not expecting much. They were not as big as what he painted now, nor as abstract, but they were beautiful and fun.

Justin had also given him over twenty sketches to frame, mostly of strangers he had drawn who had caught his fancy, or of places he liked. There also were eight of the women in his life, which made a nice ensemble: Daphne, Lilah, his mother, his sister, Mel, Lindsay, Debbie, and Jessica. At the last minute, he dug in his sketchbook and finished one he’d started at the beginning of the year, Cynthia joining the crowd, making it nine.

Jason and Bryce had asked him politely to stay out of the gallery until morning. Apparently, painters were not known to be the best at sensibly displaying their work. He trusted Jason, so he didn’t mind. Jason had convinced Bryce to take eighteen paintings (“Convinced is a joke, of course. He practically frenched me,” had been his comment…) so Cold would be there too. Justin was trying not to think about it yet. There was no point in starting the emotional upheaval showing his work always created in him any sooner than necessary.

After Brian had called to say he would be late, he had been unable to resist going to wait for him at the gate. He felt a little foolish. It was just a business trip. But he had missed him so fucking much, and… he really wanted to. He just hoped it wouldn’t embarrass the hell out of Brian…

When he saw him step from the plane, Brian looked so weary, but so… Brian, gorgeous, impeccably groomed, Justin had not been able to contain a big smile, and when he had seen Brian’s face literally light up at the sight of him, he had been so happy to have decided to come. From the time they kissed at the airport, to the point where Brian had so suddenly fallen asleep, he had been totally high on life.

Curled up in the arms of the man he loved, he thought of what Lilah had said, that he had given all of himself to Brian, withholding nothing. When had he stopped fearing for the safety of his heart? During their separation, in January, probably. When Brian had kept his word, and had waited for him, staying celibate, working like a dog, and, according to Cynthia, acting as if his life, his happiness were on hold.

Was Brian his in the same way? Brian loved him, shared his life with him, made love to him, talked to him, was his exclusively. Their relationship was richer and went deeper than he had ever dared dream. They were happy, and remarkably well matched. Was there a part of himself Brian withheld from Justin? Did it matter? Justin felt strong and creative, loved and supported by a man he admired. He felt he was now the man he’d always hoped to become, with hopes and dreams and a life he loved.

Brian sighed and hugged him tighter in his sleep. Justin smiled. He couldn’t believe how much he got off on Brian’s possessive streak. Last Friday at Essengy had been so much fun (and incredibly good for his ego…). He’d been wearing the cargos he’d bought with Todd, and dancing shirtless. The running he did at lunch was doing wonders for his abs, and the high protein no fat diet of Brian’s had greatly improved his muscle definition. More importantly, perhaps, seeing himself through Brian’s eyes he had felt beautiful and sexy. As soon as Brian left for any length of time, some guy would start cruising him. Justin neither encouraged nor discouraged them, just danced, smiling. As soon as they touched him, or made him an offer to go to the lounge, Brian would show up. He would either step between them and kiss the hell out of him, or act like an interested third party, and make outrageous offers to him (most of them having to do with eating his ass) so the trick was soon out of the competition and left, bummed out. It cracked Justin up, but he loved it as well, and it was a total turn on…

Surely they would both be negative in the morning? Todd and Brandon had just done their first test, and Brandon had tested negative. He and Brian had been Justin’s biggest risks, so…

He remembered the feeling of Brian entering him without a condom, the softness, the warmth, the delicious slide of his skin, the heat once he was inside. God, he couldn’t wait. Would he feel the warmth of Brian’s come spreading inside of him? Justin’s sphincters were very strong. He never had problems closing tightly back up after being fucked, even that time at Gillian’s. He could keep Brian’s seed inside of him all day and know the proof of Brian’s pleasure, of his love, was there, within him, and they’d never have to worry about risks when he asked Brian to go to sleep with his cock still deep inside him.

Justin was very hard, but Brian was so deep asleep, and had looked so worn out coming off the plane, he didn’t have the heart to wake him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to think about the different chemical reactions that occurred while mixing paint, ignoring his hard on. It seemed he had just gone to sleep when it was taken in a hot welcoming mouth. Had it even relented in the night, or had he gone through the night with a boner? He seemed to remember so many erotic dreams; the second scenario was almost more likely.

Brian’s blowjob was heavenly, and he was not going to last too long at this rate. Brian knew how to play with his glans so well, it took no time at all for Justin’s hips to unconsciously start moving back and forth as he neared completion, as he begged Brian not to stop, to please, please let him come. When he did, Justin let out a cry of satisfaction and pleasure, loving the feel of Brian sucking the come greedily out of him. As it often happened, instead of satiating him, it just made him hunger for Brian’s cock deep in his ass, where the stimulation of his prostate could bring him off again, in a different kind of orgasm.

Brian kissed him, only the faintest taste of come in his mouth, and Justin responded, breaching the gap and visiting Brian’s mouth, entwining their tongues. Brian moved back and smiled at him, knowing how to read a horny Justin.

“Fuck me, Brian, fuck me please, fuck me now…” begged Justin, completely shamelessly.

Brian was prepared. “Put your legs up,” he said, and Justin obeyed so fast Brian chuckled as he guided himself in.

Oh, God, oh, fuck, it felt so good… Justin spread his legs wide so Brian could go deep, then wrapped them around his hips as Brian started fucking him hard and fast, just the way he needed. He closed his eyes on the sensations, the pleasure blooming colors inside his lids, panting with need as Brian’s long shaft rubbed his prostate all the way in. His cock was hard again, massaged between their tight stomachs, but he needed more. He guided Brian's head so their lips met, and opened to Brian who kissed him roughly, invading his mouth with a hard searching tongue. It was all Justin needed, and he mewled under the assault to his senses. Then Brian sucked on his tongue and he crested, the deep bone melting orgasm that came more from the prostate than the cock, but that intensified as it traveled through it to erupt, glorious, between their joined stomachs. Brian pushed hard inside of him and stopped, Justin feeling the pulsing of his dick as Brian let out a deeply satisfied, “Ahhh, Juuustiiiiiin…” that brought a smile to Justin’s lips.

He lowered his legs, but Brian stayed on top of him, even after he gently pulled out. He was slightly to the side so that not all his weight rested on Justin, but Justin did enjoy the pressure of the bigger body lying on his. Brian’s head was on his chest, and Justin’s fingers were carding though the thick hair. Brian’s beard was only a bit scratchy. He must have shaved in the afternoon. Justin could feel it on his skin when Brian smiled.

“Today is going to be a very good day, Sunshine. And tomorrow will be spectacular. I have no right to, but I am so fucking proud of you…. I must have invited twenty times more people to your opening than you have. Justin smiled. It was true. He was always a little embarrassed to do so.

Brian lifted his head and looked at him. “I know how ambivalent you feel about showing your work. You can lean on me if it helps, or I can go away, or whatever you need, OK? You will be surrounded by people who love you, Sunshine.”

“And by art critics, and by the lady sculptor’s friends and admirers and by the Finnish glass artist's friends and admirers, and by people just there for the finger food.”

Brian laughed, settling back on his chest. “Not too many of the latter, since the opening is by invitation only.”

“Is it really? I didn’t know that.” Now he was really glad he had gone against his natural tendencies and given invitations to all his friends from Pratt. It would have been dreadful for those who wanted to come to be turned down at the door. A mixture of excitement and dread settled in his chest. Thirty-six hours to go. Argh…

“What did you say about today, Brian?” he asked, wanting to focus on one day at a time.

“I said today was going to be a very good day, Justin. And I wasn’t speaking of the knock them dead presentation I have planned for Sylvestro’s Hardwood Floors, either. What do you say we get up and go get tested to get ready for the biggest commitment of our lives?”

That was a funny way to say it, but it was true also… But it would have been hard to get up with Brian kissing him like he was. God. It was one of those kisses. Justin felt like he was floating above the bed, completely at the mercy of the gentle wicked tongue that caressed his softly, knowingly, possessively. One of Brian’s hands was caressing his face, and he felt so loved and cherished his heart could burst. Brian's lips were moving slowly over his own, and through the faint odor of a strange shampoo, he could smell the forest floor, the slight burned scent of Brian’s hot skin. He belonged to this man, body and soul, had belonged to him since that day, last year, was it almost a year ago? When they had first danced together, when his body had rejoiced, as it still did after all this time, at the closeness of Brian’s body.

Absurdly, his twice spent cock was hardening, his whole body taking pleasure in Brian’s kiss, his skin erupting in goose bumps, the hair on his neck rising, his toes curling. He let go and thought of nothing but the blissful feelings. His heart was thundering in his breast, as he felt his body tremble under Brian. Then every ounce of pleasure in his body seemed to travel to his cock, and heavenly sweet pulses emptied his pleasure and his joy against Brian’s side.

There was such love in Brian’s eyes when he looked at him, tracing the contour of his face with the tip of his fingers. They stayed quiet for a long time, looking into each other’s eyes, neither of them saying the obvious. Then Brian got up and pulled Justin upright, a smile on his face. He slapped his ass on the way to the shower, and Justin smiled back at him.

“Can you ever see my ass without molesting it in one way or another?”

Brian replied, completely unabashed, “No,” and they both cracked up. They showered and got dressed quickly, got in the cab, picked up their morning jolt of caffeine from their favorite drug dealer, and had the cab drop them at the small clinic close to Plexus where Justin had been tested before. They were running quite late since the clinic was opening its doors as they alighted. They were not first in line, but they were the only ones there for HIV testing, and Carlos appeared, as cute as ever, smiling at the both of them.

“I’ve seen you both separately and had no way of knowing who were your significant others. Now I see you together, and it makes so much sense, I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together. Come on, guys. Let’s do this.”

His cubicle was crowded with the three of them in there. “I am not supposed to test you together,” Carlos said. “Which of you wants to go first?”

“I understand you cannot tell us the result together. But can you test us at the same time?”

Carlos thought about it. “OK. But I do have to give you the results in private, OK?”

“No problem.”

“So which test do you want?”

“The cheek scraping,” said Brian.

“The blood sample,” said Justin.

Carlos did both efficiently. “I am glad you two finally talked to each other. You both wanted this so badly… Though of course I didn’t know you wanted it with each other. And it’s good you are doing it right. I wish everyone were as conscientious as the two of you. We’d have this plague eradicated in no time. But they still have bareback parties out there, and horror of horrors, conversion parties where people get infected on purpose. Don’t they know what they’re signing up for? Stupidity knows no bounds, I tell you.”

The kitchen timer dinged. Brian got up, and kissed Justin before leaving the room. Carlos looked at the stick. “You are negative, Justin. Go out and send Brian in.”

Brian and Justin smiled at each other as Brian went into the cubicle. Ten seconds later, the door reopened, and Carlos handed them each the printed sheet with their results, which they immediately swapped. They looked at each other with big smiles. Both negative. Justin could not help but reach a hand and touch Brian’s face. Brian turned and kissed his palm.

Carlos laughed. “Out, out! Don’t start getting all sweet in front of me or I might cry like a baby. May I never see either one of you ever again.”

Justin turned to him. “Thanks, Carlos.”

“You will not be seeing us. That’s a promise,” said Brian. “Bye.”

They walked to Plexus, two well dressed businessmen heading for work, though they looked much happier than most of their peers, and they walked so close to each other, their hands touched rather often.

They both stopped at the flower seller. Justin bought a small round bouquet of daffodils, yellow tulips and yellow roses, and Brian bought one of pink roses and lily of the valley. They parted with a nod in the lobby of Plexus, Justin going to greet Sarah.

“Hi, Sarah.”

“Hi, Justin. It’s a beautiful day out there, isn’t it?”

“Yes, the best. Crisp and clear. It should hold for a few days.”

“Yes. I feel bad for the people in the south though, getting all that snow, and in March, too…”

“Yes, but think how thrilled all the children are going to be. No school, and lots of snow where no snow ever falls. They’re going to have a ball!”

Sarah smiled. “That’s true. I hadn’t thought of all those children. They are going to love it, aren’t they?”

“Yep. Hey, these are for you. Until you find yourself a gentleman who can appreciate how sweet you are, I’ve decided it is my duty to keep you in flowers.”

Sarah blushed bright red. “Thank you, Justin. That’s so nice of you. Could I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You work with Mr. Kinney sometimes, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“Well, he’s not always very nice. He made me cry, once, when I just started. He expects so much, you know. But, I think it’s because he’s so smart? He doesn’t understand not everyone is, you know? I’m sure he is a good person. Anyway. I know it’s probably different for you, because you’re a boy and everything, but I think he is awfully good looking, and … well…I wasn’t sure you knew that, and I thought I’d tell you just in case.” She nodded in emphasis. “Mr. Kinney is gay too.” Once again she blushed bright red.

“What are you saying, Sarah?” She was so cute.

“I’m sorry, Justin, but it’s just that you’re so nice, and handsome, and so sweet, I’ve just been thinking what a shame it is you don’t have a boyfriend, and then I started thinking about Mr. Kinney, who’s so prickly, and maybe he just needs some sweetness in his life, and well… one or two times I saw him look at you, and,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “I think he fancies you…”

Better nip this in the bud, Justin thought. “Sarah, he’s my boss. Even if that was the case, there are very strong rules in this company about upper echelon people dating employees. I really appreciate what you are trying to do, but it just can’t be.”

“Really? There are? Well I understand better now.”

“What do you understand?”

“How Mr. Kinney can look at you like you are a long drink of ice water in the desert and not say anything about how he feels.” She shook her head. “Stupid rule, that.”

Justin decided not to explain to her the ramification of sexual harassment and instead said, “Sarah. I don’t want Mr. Kinney to get in trouble. You won’t say anything about this to anyone, will you?”

“No, Justin. Don’t worry. I promise. And thanks for the flowers.” She smiled.

He smiled back and left. Shit. They did forget sometimes that there was someone in the lobby. Oh, well.

He was working for Alan again this week. They got along really well. Alan was not shy about asking for redos, and he had interesting clients. Justin was working on an ad campaign for specialized kitchen equipment for restaurants. The clients were all chefs, or at least worked in restaurant kitchens, and the equipment was stuff he didn’t even know existed before starting the campaign. Like a chainmail glove that chefs wore while deboning poultry to make pate, or a mandolin, which sliced and diced, but had to be worked by hand and had super sharp blades. Thank god, Alan knew exactly what he wanted…

He ran at lunchtime, and changed. No way was he wearing his orange shirt and striped tie for Gross Anatomy. They dissected the foot today, and it was fascinating. He got to have a better idea of the damage he’d inflicted on Phil’s foot, as well as a better feel for all the ridges and valley’s in Brian’s foot, which he had drawn from life a hundred time, but until now had always needed a model for. Now he would be able to draw a foot because he knew how a foot was made from the inside out.

Right after class, He joined Lilah in the studio. She had wrapped “Love” as she called it, and had already called a huge van cab. They were cutting it close, so it was a good thing it was waiting outside when they came out. The painting fit, but barely, and during the trip, Justin changed back into his nice clothes for tonight’s dinner at Jessica’s.

While Justin unwrapped the painting, Lilah called him another cab, to go to Fifth Avenue, and one for her to go home, that Justin insisted on paying for. She forced him to take the first cab that got there, and was a little giddy, but that was Lilah for you. He made it to Jessica’s address at 6:25 with relief. He would be on time. He was thrilled that, as the doorman held the door open for him, he heard a familiar voice saying, “Justin! Wait up.” Brian obviously was cutting it close as well.

Twenty-six floors were just about enough for a decent kiss, really. The doors opened, and Jessica laughed at them.

“Caught in the act! I have good news and I have bad news. The bad is that Brandon and Todd are going to be a little late. The good is that the night is clear, and Jason is setting the telescope up on the roof for the kids. Why don’t you two go up there and check out the city?”

Brian and Justin looked at each other. “Sure,” said Brian. “Yeah. I’d love to see the city from the roof,” said Justin.

Brian pressed “Roof” and the doors closed on a smiling Jessica. It was magical up there. There was a full garden with trees and a fountain, little paths and benches. Jason was next to the edge, with an expensive looking telescope.

He turned to them when he heard their steps on the fine white gravel that shone in the moonlight. “Hi, guys. Nice night, eh? You can see for miles. Justin, you want to take a look?”

“I’d love too,” Justin said.

“How long have you lived in New York now, Justin?” asked Jason.

“About a year and three months.”

“OK, then. Let’s test your knowledge of the city. See if we should keep you or send you back to where you came from. How about you find us The Rock?”

That was easy. The huge Rockefeller tower was hard to miss. He searched for a second and said, “Got it!”

“Let me check,” said Brian. “Yes. Good job. How about the Empire State Building?”

He left his spot to Justin. That was harder, but not too bad. “Got it!”

“I’ll check,” said Jason.

“Gee, guys, you really trust me, don’t you…”

“OK, smart ass. How about St. Patrick's cathedral,” said Brian.

“”Shit. Is it north or south of here? Can I even see it? Aren’t we on the same side of 5th Avenue?”

“South, and yes, but you can see the spires,” said Jason.

“Helping him, much?” asked Brian.

“Hey, I’m a nice guy. Tell you what, Justin. Find the Sheep’s Meadow, and we’ll call you a New Yorker. I got to go back to the family. It’s Shabbat starting.” He left them alone on the roof.

Justin frowned. “I think I know where the Sheep’s Meadow is. It’s south of the reservoir, and north of the lake, right?” He looked in the telescope, finding his bearings. “Here’s the reservoir, so down from there, that’s the great lawn, and Turtle Pond, and the transverse road… There, I think that’s the Sheep’s Meadow. Wow, they’ve got some big lights right there. Wait a minute. I can’t believe it. It’s Brandon and Todd, waving like maniacs, they have this huge stick between them… What the hell are they doing? O my god, it’s a banner, they’re unrolling a banner… It says… “Justin, I love you, will you…marry me? Brian.”

Justin looked up from the telescope at Brian, in complete disbelief.

“Justin, will you marry me?” asked Brian, with a smile, probably and rightfully guessing from the look on his face that it bore repeating.

Justin was extremely confused. “But Brian, you don’t believe in marriage, you…”

“You’re absolutely right. I don’t believe in marriage as a general concept. But I absolutely believe in marrying you. I want you to be my husband. I want you to wear my ring. I want you to share my name. I want you to be a father to our son. I want you. Forever.”

Brian’s husband. Gus’s dad. Justin Kinney. Justin smiled. Hell yes!

“OK.”

“OK, what?”

Justin giggled, “OK, Brian. Yes, I will marry you.”

“Is that yes, someday, when I’m older I will marry you, or yes, unconditionally, I will marry you?”

Justin remembered the conversation they had about Lilah and Max. No wonder Brian had looked upset. “Brian, I love you unconditionally.” Justin grinned. “This is a yes, unconditionally, I will marry you.”

Brian smiled at him. “I love you too, Justin.”

Then he grabbed what looked like a ridiculously big gun, and shot it in the air. A green flare went up in the clear sky and exploded, making Justin jump.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“To let them know you said yes… Look at the meadow again, Justin.”

What were those two goofballs up to now? They had known about this, planned it all this time. He was so going to kick their asses. He found the meadow and the lights again, and could not believe his eyes.

“Oh, my God, Brian, everybody’s there. Emmett, I see Emmett, and Ted, and Blake, and oh my God, Daphne? And Mel,” he started laughing, “and here’s Carl pouring champagne, and Debbie, and Ben, and Michael! Brian, Michael’s here! Oh, God, there’s Gus, he’s jumping up and down he’s so excited, and Lindsay, Brian, Brian, that’s my mom! And my sister!” He looked up. “They're all here. You brought them all here! Can we go meet them?”

He looked again, they were all dressed up and celebrating, drinking champagne and laughing. There was Drew, handing Brandon and Todd some champagne and having a toast with Hunter, who was wearing a very nice suit. Oops, wasn’t he too young to drink? Oh well…

“They’re coming to meet us, Justin,” said Brian, hugging him from behind. "This is actually our engagement party. They all wanted to be at your opening tomorrow. They just all came a day early.”

Justin turned in his arms. “You are amazing. What if I’d said no?”

“We would just have celebrated your opening a day early…” He looked over the low parapet. “I might have jumped…” but he was smiling.

“You really want me to share your name?”

“What do you think about it? Would you rather we share yours, or use both? I really like Justin Kinney…”

“I can remain Justin Taylor as an artist. But I’d love to be Justin Kinney. Taylor is my father’s name…”

“Kinney is my father’s name, and ol’ Jack was no saint…”

“I’ll never know your father. To me, Kinney is your name, and Gus’s middle name. I’d be honored to share it.”

Brian combed Justin's hair back from his face. “I am so in love with you, Justin. I wish we had more time up here, but we should go down. We have an engagement party to go to.” He was smiling.

“Just about everybody’s here! I can’t wait to see them.” Justin giggled. “Gus is here!” He couldn’t wait to see Gus. And his sister! And Hunter! And Blake! And watch Brandon and Ben tease Michael! He was giddy all the way down. The elevator doors opened on a smiling Jason.

“Brian, my mother wants you. Justin, you’re with me.”

“What? Why? I want to see everybody!”

Jason laughed. “They're not here yet, and Jessica has very clear ideas about what a young man should wear to his engagement party. She's old fashioned that way. So you have to change, come on.”

“What about Brian?”

Jason laughed. “Why do you think she wants to see him?”

They went to a beautiful fancy bedroom that had a huge walk-in dressing room, as big as a normal living room, with gorgeous mahogany shelves, all empty, and green velvet accents. There was a permanent barber’s chair inside with a large oval mirror, and a short man with scissors, as well as a girl with a manicure kit, and hanging on a brass hook, under plastic, what looked like a tuxedo. Good God! He got a quick trim, and the barber laughed upon discovering he had no beard. “The closest shave I’ve ever given,” he said. Justin’s nails were beautiful and shiny.

“Go rinse the hair off. Then we can finish,” said Jason.

Justin took a quick shower. The bath was great, the faucets the necks of swans, the shower as big as the one in the loft, the towels nice and fluffy. He smiled at the Decleor bottle, loving the smell of it, and came back to be groomed some more. The tuxedo fit him like a glove, and Jason tied his bowtie for him. His hair was dried and gelled and at last his jacket put on, Jason placing a small white rose on his lapel. He felt as if he was going to the prom he had missed all those years ago, but since Jason was wearing a tux too, he didn’t feel completely out of place. The patent leather shoes were kind of a trip… He looked in the mirror. He looked good, but he also looked about seventeen. Oh well. Surely that would pay dividends twenty years from now…

Suddenly, his mom and sister were there. They looked gorgeous too, his mother in a long salmon beaded dress, his sister’s dress similar, but cut just above the knee.

His mother looked at him with a tremulous smile. “Justin! Look at you! What a handsome man you have become!”

“Thanks, mom.”

“Come on, Justin. Everyone is waiting.” They left the bedroom, and Molly seemed to know where she was going. They stopped in front of a set of double doors.

“Justin,” Molly said, “you really do look beautiful.”

“I do?”

She leaned to him and whispered. “When the guy with the grey hair asks you the big question, try to sound less tentative, and more affirmative, OK?”

What the hell was she talking about?

Then the ballroom doors opened, and everyone was there, seated in chairs facing forward, but they were all looking at him. Wow, LaShaun sure cleaned up good, and there were Lilah and Max, and Rory… Some music started playing, it was Jason on a Grand piano, and Justin looked up to the front, and there was Brian, looking gorgeous but really nervous for some reason, in a tux as well, with a black shirt and a white silk scarf, and next to him stood Michael, looking chuffed, and next to Michael was Cynthia, grinning. The music was 'Ode to Joy' by Beethoven, and it finally dawned on him.

They were getting married. Right here, right now, half an hour after he said yes, his mom and sister were walking him down the aisle, and Brian had pulled it all off, making it this huge surprise, and all the people he loved were there, and he gave Brian the biggest smile, because he loved him so fucking much, and this was the most amazing, the most fabulous present anyone had ever given him. Brian’s face relaxed completely, and he smiled back at him, and it could have been just the two of them there. He heard vaguely Debbie’s voice saying, “And that’s why I call him Sunshine!”

The only thing he could clearly hear was the beat of his heart, and he could only think how lucky he was. He was marrying his best friend, his amazing lover, the most handsome man he knew, this phenomenally gifted professional, the man he loved more than life itself. The crazy thing was that he could read the same emotions on Brian’s face. He knew for a fact no one had ever felt this happy in this world or the next.

After saying something or other, his mother and sister let him go, and Brian reached for his hands, and just from that touch his body was singing. He tried to notice things for a moment. Behind him was Daphne, and behind her was Brandon, the exact people he would have chosen to stand with him. The minister was the grey haired man who had married Drew and Emmett, and that both he and Brian had liked so much, because the ceremony had been so simple and lovely. He was speaking,

“We are gathered here today…” but Justin lost the thread, just drowning in the love in Brian’s eyes.

“…Kinney, do you take this man…. Sickness, health, richer, poorer…death do you part?”

“I do,” said Brian, and he sounded so sure. Justin remembered his sister’s words, and waited.

“…Until death do you part?”

“I do,” he answered, and there was nothing tentative about it.

Then Gus was there with rings. And he did his job just as well as he had for Emmett and Drew, except that both Brian and Justin held him back at the same time from running off after giving up the rings, and he stood there, facing the minister, a big grin on his face.

“With this ring, I thee wed…”

“With this ring I thee wed…”

They both crouched as if they had rehearsed it, their ring hands holding each other, and each grabbed one of Gus’s little hands, placing them on top of theirs, and covering them with their right ones. Gus bent down and kissed their clasped hands, and smiled brightly at both of them. They released him and stood up, and the minister, going with the flow, said, “May I introduce to you Mr. Brian Kinney, Mr. Justin Kinney, and Gus Kinney, their son.” The old man smiled. “Mr. Kinney, you may kiss your husband.”

Brian took Justin in his arms, and they kissed, one of Brian’s hands behind Justin’s neck, the other at the small of his back, as Gus sauntered back to his mothers. Of course it was their kiss, and Justin melted against Brian, loving it. Then he smiled against Brian’s lips, and Brian smiled back, and they pulled apart laughing into each other’s eyes, ‘later, later’ not spoken, but a promise between them.

They faced everyone, and they were all clapping, and the sounds and the crowd became real again. They walked down the aisle, and people were laughing, and cheering, Detective Hamill, looking beautiful, Petunia in a suit, Alan and Heather, Betsy, Spaz, Nehama and Lamont, Daphne’s grandparents, the wild twins and Curtis, Lindy, Sam and his wife and the entire Art Department, looking somewhat shell-shocked but pleased, Mark and a beautiful woman, his wife, no doubt, Todd, looking breathtakingly handsome at Jessica’s side, all the people he would have wanted there were there, smiling cheering them on. Outside the ballroom, Jason escorted them to the yellow salon, where a bottle of champagne was chilling in a bucket of ice, and closed the doors on them.

“It’s a Jewish tradition,” said Brian. “We get about fifteen minutes alone together.” As if he knew exactly what Justin needed, he wrapped him in his arms and held him tightly. Justin could hear the strong beat of Brian’s heart, feel their bodies relax in each other’s presence. After a few minutes, they both moved to a couch and sat, as they did in the taxis, Justin between Brian’s legs, his back resting on Brian’s chest. Justin looked at his ring.

“It’s beautiful, Brian.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“What makes the whorls?”

“They are forged that way. Three colors of gold, folded over and over on each other. They used to make swords that way, in Japan. It’s called Mokume Gan. I thought they would appeal to you.”

“When did you buy them?”

“When I first realized I wanted you to be my husband, right after Emmett and Drew’s wedding. But I had them engraved only last week.”

“Inside? What does it say?” He slipped the ring off. Deep in the gold were engraved the words “My Sunshine! Find your own…” Justin laughed as Brian slipped his ring back on.

“It’s so perfect,” he said. “What about yours?”

Brian took his off. Inside it said, “We are Besheert”. Justin put the ring back on Brian’s finger, suddenly overwhelmed by the truth of it, by the fact that they were bound to each other forever, that Brian did love him, deeply enough, and with enough certitude that he would marry him.

“Brian, I…” There were no words, and this was neither the time nor the place to make love to each other.

Brian looked as overwhelmed as Justin felt, as much in need of closeness with him. He kissed Justin’s forehead, and said, “I know…” They held each other, and kissed, the sweetest, gentlest touch, and for now, it was enough to fill their need, the love flowing between them, their bodies connected, rejoicing.

“My guess is,” said Justin chuckling, “pretending to fall asleep is not going to help us tonight…”

Brian chuckled too. “I think you’re right…”

There was a knock on the door, and Brandon and Todd barged in.

“We volunteered to retrieve you… Everybody else seemed scared, but we figured, if you were fucking, it’s not like it’s something we’ve never seen…” said Todd.

“Come on, guys, everybody wants you!” said Brandon.

Justin and Brian looked at each other, smiled, and got up, ready to celebrate. It started with bone crushing hugs from their best friends, who then pushed them out the door, laughing.

When they got to the ballroom, the chapel look was gone. There were small round tables around a big dance floor. The lights dimmed, and a soft spotlight illuminated the newlyweds. Brian walked Justin to the dance floor, and smiled at his surprised expression as “Save the last dance for me” started playing. It was on one of Brian’s CDs, and he always hummed along when it came on. Brian faced him with a smile, and the look of someone who knows what he is doing. He took off his white silk scarf and placed it around Justin’s neck, and took him in his arms and started to dance.

Justin was blown away. Brian was brilliant, totally at ease, smiling at him as he led him throughout the song. Justin could not help grinning with pleasure, as Brian expertly spun him, dipped him, and lifted him to twirl him off the floor, before their proximity got the better of him, and he kissed Justin rather passionately.

Justin could feel every eye on them, and did not care. This was their dance, the beginning of their life together, and their love was a tangible third with them on the dance floor.

The music ended, and they stayed together for a minute, touching foreheads and smiling, but then it was time to share the celebration with others, and as the lights came back on, their fingers twined together, they faced their friends and families.

To be continued...

The beautiful Mokume Gan Rings

'Save the Last Dance for me', with a happy, happy ending...