Title: The Big Sleep…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 7125
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Angst, Love, Passion, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: Bigj52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: After a series of accidents Brian finds himself hospitalized, with memory problems…

Chapter Summary: Brian awakes with no memories of the present life, as he tries to adjust to his memory loss…


The Big Sleep


Part Two ~ Clean Slate…


Brian’s POV


I’m sitting in the diner trying to remember my past. They say I totaled my Vette, but I don’t even remember owning a Vette. I’ve lost all my memories from the past few years and everything feels out of sorts. They say the loft is my home but it just feels cold and lonely. I don’t like spending time there because it feels like something’s missing, but for the life of me I can’t remember what.


The young blond waiter refills my coffee and asks if I want something to eat, but nothing sounds good to me. All the food in this place looks like it would give you a heart attack. Dr. Phelps says I probably won’t regain any more of my memories. Michael tells me I used to be an advertising executive, but that sounds absurd to me. Working in the corporate world just isn’t me, yet I have a closet full of expensive designer suits. I’ve tried them on several times, and even though I look good in them, I can’t imagine actually wearing them. I feel most comfortable in my 501’s, a black t-shirt and my leather jacket.


Lindsay and her wife Melanie, who obviously hates me, have a son, my son, and his name is Gus. Yet I have no memory of him, although he looks just like me. I don’t remember or feel any connection to most of my friends, except Michael, and that seems strained to me. We don’t really have anything in common these days. He is actually married now, to a college professor named Ben and they have a teenage son. It feels like I’ve lost everything; I feel so out of place, like I don’t fit in, or even belong here.





I can’t help checking out the waiter, his name tag says his name is Justin. I’ve been told he lives with his almost-famous musician boyfriend. But there’s something about him that seems so familiar. I’ve even mentioned it to Michael, but he reassures me we’ve never met. He’s friends with everyone, and is now part of the gang, or at least everyone except Michael, and I can’t help feeling like an outsider looking in.


Michael tells me I was the stud of Liberty Avenue, and that I can have any man I want. It sounds ridiculous to me, and the way he talks about it, he makes me sound like a total whore. He tells me that I don’t believe in love, I only believe in fucking. That I’m never with the same guy twice, and again he makes me sound like I’m a total bastard. A real creep and I can’t help questioning this information.


There are lots of hot guys always looking my way, passing me their phone numbers, but I can’t shake my attraction to the waiter. He’s very sweet but he’s also engaged to be married. It seems to me that he and his boyfriend are complete opposites and I can’t see any chemistry between them. Not that he has anything in common with me either, but I just can’t stop daydreaming about him. He’s an art student at PIFA and very talented, according to Lindsay.


Ted, who is apparently my accountant, tells me that my car insurance policy pays out handsomely, if I’m ever seriously injured. So now I don’t have to worry about money for a while which is a good thing, because I have no idea what type of work I’d like to do at this point. I do remember that I really liked photography in college, and I’m pretty good at it. Lindsay has asked me to put some photos in the art show at the Gay and Lesbian center.


So I’ve been wandering the streets with my camera, clicking photos when something catches my eye. I sit in the park, snapping shots of nature and the children playing. I have to admit that I have more than a few pics of the sexy blond who seems to have captured a piece of my heart. He’s refilling my coffee and I’m surprised when I hear myself asking him out. He blushes and says he’d like that, but makes it clear that we can only be friends. He suggests that I come with him to a violin recital and see his boyfriend’s performance. I agree, even though I’d rather spend time alone with him.


I’m excited and disappointed at the same time. I hate the idea of having to share him with his boyfriend, Ian or something like that. I know Dr. Phelps has told everyone that they’re not supposed to tell me about things from my past. But I can’t help feeling like there’s so much more between Justin and me, besides me frequenting the diner where he works. I’ve asked Michael about Justin, trying to explain that I feel some sort of connection to him. When he looks at me with that bright smile it just does something to my heart, something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.





I don’t understand why Michael gets so defensive when I try to ask him about Justin. He gets upset and tells me to leave it alone, that things are better this way. Michael’s supposed to be my best friend, and he should know if there has ever been something between Justin and me. If I didn’t know better I would say he’s jealous, but that’s absurd because he’s in a committed relationship with his husband Ben. Michael always reminds me that Justin’s engaged but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m right, that we know one another.


I’ve been sitting in the diner for the last couple of hours reading the newspaper when Justin sets a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread down in front of me, saying that I need my strength. I ask him what time his shift ends and if I can give him a ride home. He smiles that beautiful smile at me, then tells me no, as I no longer have a car. I feel so foolish not remembering that, so I suggest that he let me walk him home. He hesitates at first but I can see in his eyes that he wants to come with me, that there is something going on between us.


~~~~


We walk several blocks until we come to a Jeep dealership and we decide to check them out. He’s smiling that smile of his again as I ask him what he thinks of the black one. Once inside we see that it’s fully loaded, complete with leather interior and a state-of-the-art sound system. It seems so right and there is something so familiar about it. We take it for a test drive into the rolling hills, and he plays with the radio, finally settling on a song High School Confidential. He’s singing and swaying in his seat as I start to have flashes in my mind of him pole dancing in front of a crowded dance floor. I can’t stop my heart from skipping a beat.





I’m not sure what comes over me but as we stop at the red light I reach over and kiss him gently on the lips. I thought he might protest but he just goes with it, and then the kiss becomes more passionate and heated. Finally he pulls back and says we really shouldn’t, that his fiancé Ethan wouldn’t understand. I smile at him and ask him if there’s a special meaning behind the song.

He just blushes and says, “Let’s not go there.” I can’t help myself. I ask him if we ever dated in the past.


He blushes again and says, “Dated? No, we never dated. But we did know one another before I started seeing Ethan.”


We can’t help but look deep into each other’s eyes and I lean into him again, and kiss him with all my might. He doesn’t resist, returning my kiss just as passionately as I kissed him. The car behind me honks, trying to get my attention before the light changes back to red.


We drive back to the dealership and I decide to buy the Jeep; after what seems like hours of completing paperwork I ask him to dinner to celebrate. At first he refuses, but when I mention going to Ramones he’s all smiles. He accepts my offer, telling me that it’s one of his favorite restaurants and he loves Italian food.


Justin’s POV


I can’t stop staring at him, he’s so sweet just the way I always dreamed he might be with me. I know it’s wrong to be here with him, but I just can’t stop myself. Everyone tells me I have to let him go, even though he’s been trying to befriend me for the last couple of weeks. Why shouldn’t we be friends? He’s home from the hospital now, and part of the gang. I see him almost every day, and even though he’ll never be the same as he was before, I also know he probably won’t remember our past. So why can’t we be friends in the future?


If anyone can understand what he’s going through it’s me. I understand feeling frustrated, not knowing the details of what’s happened and sensing that there’s a big black hole in your life. How you’re always wondering what it all means. Hating how everyone walks on eggshells around you, so afraid of mentioning the wrong things. Part of me wants so badly to tell him about our past, to help him understand some of the confusion he’s experiencing. But maybe that’s selfish, because the truth is I do want to be his again. I miss him desperately, and I’ve known from the beginning that leaving him for Ethan was a big mistake. I’ve only stayed with Ethan out of pride, and not wanting to look like a fool, besides the fact that I don’t have any place else to go.


Ethan senses that I still have feelings for Brian, but he never brings it up anymore. He’s never felt comfortable being part of the gang, but he also knows that I’m very close with everyone, and that if he makes me choose, I’ll always choose my dysfunctional family every time. He’s playing a concert in Harrisburg tonight so I don’t have to worry about him freaking out about me having dinner with Brian. I know it’s silly but I can’t help feeling like we’re having our first date.


Brian is being so nice as he leans over, filling my wine glass with merlot and asking how I like my cannelloni. I tell him it’s fantastic and it is. The whole dinner is romantic, sitting by candlelight, listening to an Italian opera playing in the background. He’s smiling and I ask him what he’s thinking. He tells me that seeing me in the jeep earlier today seemed so natural, then he asks if we’ve ever been in a jeep together before. It’s unfair that Michael can tell him about being in advertising and how he was the stud of Liberty Avenue, how he commanded attention at Babylon, but I can’t tell him that we were friends in the past.


Even though I haven’t said anything, he smiles at me and says, “Yeah, I kind of figured that we might have been friends before. But it was more than friends, wasn’t it?”


I smile and say, “Yes, so much more than just friends.”


I can’t help the smile that is spreading across my face. He just looks at me with curiosity asking if we were lovers. I can’t deny it and I tell him that we were together on and off for a couple of years. He gets a huge smile on his face, and thanks me for being honest. That he sensed we once had something going on between us but he just couldn’t place the feelings that seem to be bouncing around in his head and his heart.





Then he looks at me with sad eyes, asking me why I’m with Ethan now, and if I love Ethan. I tell him that I thought I was, but truthfully I’ve only been in love once and that I threw it all away for pretty words and romantic gestures. He looks puzzled, not realizing that I’m talking about him. He says that he hopes I find love again if that’s what I’m looking for. I tell him that I hope so, too.


We finish up our dinner and he drives me back to my apartment; I want to ask him up but I know that I shouldn’t. If anything is to develop between us, I don’t want to rush into it and have both of us ending up with broken hearts again. He’s so different than he used to be, so much more like I always dreamed he might be someday, and it scares the hell out of me. I can’t help wondering if he’s going to change back into the old Brian Kinney, that everyone used to love to hate.


Brian’s POV


I wake from a dream of Justin and I dancing, our bodies moving in sync to the thumpa thumpa around the dance floor. It seems like everyone in the place is staring at us as we sway to the music, holding each other tight. We’re not just dancing, it’s like our bodies are humming to the music and we’re molded to one another as my heart sings. I feel so much passion for him, and I’m glad he told me that we were once an item, but I can’t figure out if that’s all in the past for him. Or if he’s like me and feels like something’s missing that he yearns to be complete.


I don’t want to come between him and the fiddler, but on the other hand he just doesn’t seem happy, let alone in love. I have to wonder if he’s still in love with his first love, who’s probably some guy he went to high school with. I think about it and know I don’t have a long lost love from high school and for whatever reason I can’t stop thinking that I was in love with him. But if that’s true, why did I let him go? Was it because he didn’t love me?


I’ve overheard people talking about me, saying that I was a cold-hearted bastard, and that I treated all men like they were nothing but a piece of meat. That I never made it with the same guy twice, and that I’ve slept with everyone in this burg… But how can that be true if he said we dated for a couple of years? Wait, he said we never dated… I don’t understand, this doesn’t make sense… Did I really treat him like a piece of meat, too?


It’s in the early morning hours as I stand smoking a cigarette, looking out the big windows. God, this loft is cold and lonely. I hate being here alone and I try to imagine what it would be like if he was here. All I know is that I don’t want to live here anymore. I’m not even sure I want to live in this town anymore, nothing feels right. I need to move on with my life. I can’t go back to a past I don’t even remember.


~~~~


I find myself sitting in the diner again drinking coffee, reading the New York Times. He looks hot in his cargo pants and cropped t-shirt, and I can’t stop fantasizing about fucking him. He comes over and fills my coffee cup, all smiles this morning. He’s excited as he tells me that Lindsay has asked some art critic friend of hers to the art opening to see his paintings. Then he asks me if I want to come to his studio to see them when his shift is over. His studio is in an even worse building than the one he lives in, but his art is beautiful and so full of energy.


I can’t help spinning him around, kissing him passionately and then I hear myself say, “What about your boyfriend?”


I never expected that to spill from my lips. He just looks up at me with sad eyes and says, “It really isn’t working out anymore, but we don’t have the guts to break it off just yet. Sometimes it’s just easier to let things be, than to make big changes if you don’t know where things are going.”


I’m not sure what he’s saying. Is he only staying because it’s convenient? Or that he’s not sure how he feels about Ian anymore. I tell him that I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between us in the past, wondering if it was the same way for us at some point. I want to ask if he still has any feelings for me, or if we can only be friends from now on. He looks a little sad and I’m not sure if it’s because of me or his failing relationship with Ian.


The next morning I’m reading the want ads, thinking of making some big changes in my life. I’m thinking about selling the loft and moving. I know this sounds crazy but I’m falling in love with him, and I’m afraid to tell him. All I know is that I can’t stay here. I need a fresh start to find myself and I don’t think Pittsburgh is the right place for me any longer.


He asks me if I want to order any breakfast and says that he can take a break and join me if I like. We eat in relative silence until we’re joined by Ted, Emmett and Michael. Michael just glares at me when he sees the two of us together, enjoying our eggs and bacon. The boys are all gossiping about the new bartender at Woody’s, they ask if I want to join them after work tonight. I hesitate at first but then agree to meet them for a drink.


Michael starts in on me about having breakfast with Justin once he’s gone back to work. I ask him why he’s so upset about it. He just gets this scowl on his face saying, “You know he’s living with his boyfriend.”


“It was just breakfast. I didn’t ask him to marry me.”


This seems to hit a nerve and now Michael is really upset, acting like a jealous housewife. I can’t figure out what he’s so angry about and it’s almost funny. He’s really serious about me not interfering with Justin’s relationship. I tell him that Justin’s a big boy and can make up his own mind about who he wants to eat breakfast with.


Michael’s adamant I leave him alone, that I’m no good for him. That I already had my chance, and I threw it all away. Now that’s the first time Michael has acknowledged that Justin and I were friends, more than friends. I can tell he didn’t mean to let that slip. He barks, “He’s better off without you in his life.”





The table has grown very quiet as I look around at Ted and Emmett’s faces as they listen to Michael’s whining. I tell Michael he’s now part of the family and that it’s probably best if I make friends with him, so it’s not so uncomfortable for everyone at Deb’s family dinners. Never mind that it’s none of his business who I’m friends with.


The more I get reacquainted with Michael, the less I seem to like him these days and it’s hard for me to believe that I’m still best friends with him. He’s so judgmental and condescending and we don’t seem to have anything in common anymore. Once he finally calms down he starts telling me how he has uber passes for the Comic Con this weekend for the two of us. I just look at him and say, “Aren’t we a little old for comics?”


It’s then that I remember he now owns a comic book store. He looks like I just dumped him right before the prom. I ask why he isn’t taking his hubby or his kid who both seem like better candidates to join him than me. He says that it’s something that we’ve always done together in the past and he just assumed that I’d want to go with him this year.

Ted casually reminds him that last year I didn’t show, that the closest I got to being there was picking up some guy just outside of the arena. He says I took the guy back to the loft with me, leaving Michael there all by himself. Pointing this out seems to anger Michael even more and he says, “I guess this just isn’t your thing anymore? I just thought it was something we could both still enjoy together.”


“I’m not twelve, Michael. It’s not something I’m interested in, if I ever was.”


“Fine, don’t go… I just thought we could reminisce about old times.”


“Well we could, if I actually had any memories from the past. But I don’t…”


Now Michael is so angry with me that he gets up and leaves before his breakfast is served. I can’t help thinking that Michael is having a PMS moment and really needs to grow up. I mean, what kind of man is still obsessed with comic books in his thirties? I should feel bad but I don’t. I refuse to be manipulated by him any longer, or to do things that don’t interest me.


~~~~


I can’t believe I’m going with Justin and the girls to see Ian’s performance this evening at the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts. I thought that Justin was kidding when he asked me to go last week. But when he mentioned it I just couldn’t resist. There’s nothing wrong with checking out the competition. Besides, I want to see them together and see for myself if there really is anything still going on between them. Lindsay and Mel are really irritated that I accepted his invitation to the recital. But I play it off as a way to get to know him and be part of the family again.


Deb’s planned a late supper for after the concert tonight. She’s been going out of her way to make sure that I feel included in the family since I’ve been discharged from the hospital. All during the show Justin is distracted and it almost seems like he doesn’t even like violin music. If you ask me it sounds like two cats fighting. The girls, on the other hand, are making a big fuss over Ian’s concert, acting like he’s a musical genius. I can’t bring myself to compliment him, so I just say that the audience seemed to enjoy themselves.


Deb serves lasagna and garlic bread along with a cabernet. I have to admit that I’ve had several glasses while watching the two of them together. Ian is clinging to Justin most of the night, and has hardly said a word. Except of course when he is talking about his performance. How his grandfather taught him how to play, and that it is his destiny to become a great violinist. Oh God, someone gag me with a fork. This kid’s ego is so large he can’t even see that we’re laughing at him behind his back.


I’ve had enough of his gloating for one evening and slip out back to smoke a joint, and people tell me that I have a huge ego. It isn’t long before Justin comes out and joins me, and we get stoned together. I can’t help laughing at his almost-famous boyfriend, who only seems to be able to talk about himself. Ethan’s never felt comfortable hanging out with the gang, and he’s even more uncomfortable now that I’m here.


We’re stoned and laughing about how strange this evening has turned out. I don’t really want to cause problems between them, but I can’t help asking what it is he sees in him. I ask him again if he’s in love with him. Justin looks lost as he tries to answer my question. He dances all around it but never really answers me. It seems that it’s a relationship of convenience and whatever passion once existed, has now dissipated. Maybe he doesn’t know how to end it, or he feels obligated to stay with him. Ethan tries to do all the things Justin keeps telling him he wants, but it’s still not working and they both know it.


I see the greasy-haired fiddler looking out the back windows, watching us and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Part of me is glad he’s jealous, and another part of me is jealous it’s him that Justin will be going home with tonight. I shotgun the joint down Justin’s throat and wish I could bring my lips closer to his, just to feel those beautiful plump lips caressing mine. Instead the two of us just look into each other’s eyes, longing for one another. Yes, I can see it in his eyes, he has feelings for me. I just wish I knew how strong his feelings are, or what it is that keeps him there with the fiddler.





We’ve been out back for too long, so I tell him he should go back in the house, and that I’m going to take off. He looks a little sad like he wants me to stay, but we both know that if I do, tonight won’t end well. I won’t put him in a position of having to choose between us. I figure he’ll come to me when he’s ready, and it’s so obvious that he’s not ready yet.


Justin’s POV


Fragments of my memories keep coming back to me in my dreams, Brian’s dancing with me wearing a tuxedo. It’s almost as if I can feel the texture of the fabric of the white silk scarf as it glides around my neck during some fancy dance moves as he’s spinning me around the dance floor. He looks so beautiful and his eyes are so sparkly and warm, reflecting the twinkle lights strung around the ceiling. We look so happy and it’s been so long since I’ve felt that way.


I bolt up straight in bed knowing that I’ve just remembered part of my prom; it seems so real and the love in Brian’s eyes is so strong. I’ve never felt that kind of passion from Ethan. It’s always about how much I love and adore him, never about how he feels about me. When he talks about us, it’s always about the future, when he’s famous and we have a house in the country, how he’s going to treat me so good. It’s never in the present; he never says he loves me or how great our life is together. I guess because we both know it’s not. In the present it’s all about me loving him, proving to him that my love is real. About me showing him how much I respect his great achievements. It’s never about how great I am as an artist, or where my career will go.


It’s as though I have to prove to him that my love is real, stroking his ego and always sacrificing my art for his. The truth is I can’t keep praising him constantly. I don’t think listening to the same song hour after hour is romantic anymore, it really gets on my nerves. He’s always bitching about me spending so much time at work or in my studio. He doesn’t seem to value the fact that I need to paint and release my creativity just like he does.


I’m working the early shift at the diner today and I’m surprised when Brian doesn’t come in for coffee like he does every morning. I can’t help wondering if something’s happened, so once my shift is over I stop by the loft with his coffee and a turkey sandwich. It’s been so long since I’ve been here and I’m a little frightened about just stopping in to see him. But we’re friends now, so I just shake off the uneasiness that I’m feeling. I knock on the door several times before he answers it. I’m praying he’s alone.





He smiles when he sees me and asks me in, graciously accepting the coffee and sandwich, which we share. I notice there are all kinds of boxes stacked all over the loft so I ask him if he’s going someplace. He frowns slightly and tells me he’s decided to move. The loft doesn’t feel like home to him, but he’s not selling it. He’s decided to rent it out for a while and is just putting most of the boxes in storage until he gets settled in a new place. My mind is spinning as this is the last thing I expected, and I’m starting to panic. What if I never see him again? My breathing starts to become erratic and I feel myself slipping into a full-blown panic attack. He takes me in his arms and holds me, calming me with sweet words of love, words I haven’t heard for so long.


I can’t stop myself from begging him not to go. I don’t even realize it but I’m telling him that I love him and I can’t live without him. I’ve been a fool being with Ethan, and I beg him for a second chance. He simply smiles and asks me to come with him. He says he was already planning to ask me to come with him, but he wasn’t sure I would. Tears are running down my face, and I’m so happy. He leans down and wipes them away, telling me he’s happy that this is what I want, too.


He drives me over to Ethan’s apartment to gather my things. It never really felt like home, I always felt like a visitor. I’m thankful no one’s here when we arrive, relieved that I don’t have to see Ethan right now. I don’t really want to hurt him. But it’s been over for quite some time now, we just haven’t acknowledged it. I’m packing my duffel bag in the bedroom when we hear him come in, but he isn’t alone. He has some guy pushed up against the back of the door, kissing him, when Brian and I walk out of the bedroom.


He pulls back and says, “Justin, what are you doing here? You said you would be working in your studio this afternoon.”


Then he notices Brian and starts yelling, “What is he doing here? What’s going on?”


I tell him that it’s obvious this isn’t working anymore, and I’ve decided to move out. He just stands there with his mouth open, but the guy he’s with tells him it’s better this way. He hates all the sneaking around, and always having to hide their relationship. I’m shocked, but I really shouldn’t be. Things have been so tense between the two of us for months now. I just wish he could have been honest with me then we could have saved ourselves so much pain and misery. Even though Brian and I haven’t really acted on our feelings, I feel so much better now that it’s all out in the open.


I grab my sketch books and pencils and shove them into my backpack, Brian carries my duffel bag and we leave. He tosses the bags into the backseat of the Jeep and drives off towards the loft. When he stops at the red light he leans over and gently runs his hand through my hair. He pulls me closer so he can kiss me. Brian and I have been known to have brief makeout sessions over the last few weeks, but we have yet to make love. The truth is I’m a little shy about it. Brian’s not the same man he was before, he’s changed. I’m just getting to know this new Brian, this less serious Brian. This playful Brian is fun and exciting, and it gives me hope, the possibilities seem endless.


I didn’t want to cheat on Ethan when we were together. Brian never pushed me to go further, even though I could tell he wanted more. He said he didn’t want to be the reason for us to break up, that he knew how painful that was. That’s when I knew he was remembering, and I had really hurt him. I never want to do that again. On the way back to the loft we stop at Woody’s for a drink. Brian looks happy as he tells me he wasn’t sure I’d want to try to work things out with him.


It isn’t long before we’re joined by Ted and Emmett; it seems we’re just in time for the tea dance on this lazy Saturday afternoon. Brian and I are just glowing as we look into one another’s eyes, and it’s obvious to the boys that something has changed between us. Yet they’d never believe us if you told them that we still haven’t had sex yet. Ted and Em order a pizza, while Brian and I make out in the darkened booth.


Em says, “So spill… When did you two get back together?”


Ted looks at us with curious eyes, and finally says, “Okay, okay. Em and I had a bet. He said you two have been an item now for several weeks. But I said that you were just flirting with getting back together.”


“Well, Theodore, for once you’re the winner. Justin and I have just gotten back together today.”


“What the hell is this?” Michael shouts as he sees the two of us kissing passionately in the back booth. “You know he’s living with his boyfriend.”


“Yes, Michael, but this time I’m the boyfriend.”


“What? What about the fiddler? That is just like you to split them up.”


“Please, Michael, don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. You know as well as everyone else that we have been falling for each other since I was let out of the hospital. Today seemed like as good a day as any to make it come true.”


We finish our beers just as the next song starts playing. Brian takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. I slip my arms around his neck as our bodies start swaying to the beat of the music. We hold each other close, as I places gentle butterfly kisses to his neck and jawline. I’ve never felt so in love with him as I do right this very moment. My head is spinning with so much passion from the unexpected events of the day. I have no idea where we will be living, but as long as I’m with him that’s all that matters.






Brian’s POV


After a long afternoon of dancing and romancing at Woody’s we make our way back to the loft. Slightly drunk, we kiss and grind into one another against the counter in the kitchen. We’re both excited and more than ready to share our first encounter after what seems like months of verbal foreplay. My lips meet his as we kiss each other tenderly, awakening all our senses. Next I pull his shirt over his head, messing up his golden locks; he looks so adorable it takes my breath away. I run my hand down his perfectly smooth skin and pull him closer. I can feel his chest rising and falling as his breathing increases.


I slowly undo the buttons on his pants, letting them fall to the floor around his feet. I lift him up onto the counter, and lay him down on his back. He’s so beautiful, my mind flashes with images of us around the loft. I see him bent over the back of the sofa, him on all fours in our bed, him nestled between my legs, taking my length down his throat. Yes, I knew I wasn’t crazy. I knew we belonged together. I don’t know what happened, or why we fell apart, but I know he’s back. Back home, back here in my arms, and soon in my bed.


I pull my t-shirt up over my head, letting it fall to the floor. Then I quickly remove my pants. Soon I’m lying on top of him, my arms resting on each side of his head. His legs naturally circle my waist, and we’re kissing again, licking and nibbling each other’s neck, throat and ears. He’s moaning, whispering my name, telling me how much he’s missed me, missed my touch. He tells me how much he wants me. How he’s never felt as alive as he does when I’m making love to him, and I know it’s the same for me.





Our cocks are weeping, as we slide against each other. We’re both filled with need and desire. He’s chanting my name again, telling me how much he needs me. I lift his legs up onto my shoulders, feeling them tremble as I do. I hesitate for a moment, but he instantly knows what I need, “Middle drawer.”


I reach over and open it, taking out a condom and a small bottle of lube. I smirk, we’re so in sync with one another. He knows what I’m thinking before I even do. I make quick work of the condom, ripping it open with my teeth and spitting the wrapper on the floor. I slip it on my shaft as he grins at me. His smile is so damn beautiful, it makes me feel good to know I can make him smile like that. I’ve already coated my dick, as I squirt a dollop onto my fingertips and circle his opening.


“Hurry, Brian. Faster. I need you. NOW.”


Impatient little twat, but I obey his command and push deep inside him. He gasps a little at the intrusion, and then he starts pushing back against me. Soon we’re both lost in the intensity of the moment, both meeting each other’s thrusts as I slam into him faster and faster.


“Yes, yes, yes! Oh Goddamn! Yes! Harder! Harder! Harder! Yes! That’s it! Oh God! Brian! Brian! Brian!”


It was fast and frantic, but oh so good… It only took him a minute and he was shooting against my chest, crying out my name. His orgasm pulled me right along with him, triggering my own.


“Christ, Sunshine, that was fantastic! Totally Unbelievable!”


I look down at him and he’s crying. I reach down and wrap my arms around him, unsure what’s wrong. I slowly rock him, gently kissing his sweaty forehead, trying to comfort him. Finally I pull back a little and look him in the eyes, he’s still crying and I’m at a loss.

He sniffles and says, “I love you! I love you so much, and I’ve missed you. I didn’t think I’d ever get this chance again. I’m so sorry for everything. I was such a fool to leave you.”


Still holding him close I whisper, “You left me?”


He looks down again, looking so sad but the truth is I don’t remember. I have no idea what our backstory is although one thing I know is it can’t be all his fault. I’m sure I’m just as much to blame.


“You called me Sunshine.”


“I did?”


“Yes. It’s been so long since I’ve heard you call me that.”


I smile at him. It’s obvious he’s happy to be home but I am concerned about his tears.


“Are you sure you’re okay?”


“Yes. Yes, I’m more than okay… It’s just a little overwhelming. I’ve missed you, missed us for so long.”


“Me too… I think? There so much I really can’t remember.”


“We’ll work it out. I’ll help you remember. I love you so much, Brian.”


“I love you too, Justin.”


Now he’s really smiling. You’d think I’d never told him I loved him before. I stand as he sits up, then I throw him over my shoulder and carry him into the bedroom.


~~~~


We slept late the next morning and we’re still drinking coffee when I hear the buzzer. I look up questioningly, he smiles and says it’s the intercom for the front door. He shows me where it is near the door. I cringe slightly when I hear Mikey’s voice. It’s too early to have it out with him again today.


Michael’s taking the steps two at a time, he’s in a good mood. He’s decided to surprise Brian with pizza for lunch, even though he knows Brian rarely eats pizza. He didn’t expect to meet anyone on the stairs and he loses his balance, dropping the pizza. The box opens and the pizza lands face down on the stairs. Angrily he scoops up the crust leaving the greasy sauce-covered cheese on the steps, not wanting to get his hands messy. He throws the ruined pizza into the garbage shute and knocks on the loft door.


Brian opens it, holding a cup of coffee, wearing only his underwear and bedhead hair.


“Christ, aren’t you up yet? It’s almost one.”


Brian says, grinning shyly, “Oh, I’ve been up for a while. I just didn’t realize you’d be stopping by.”


Michael looks around the loft at all the boxes, then stops when he sees me.


“What going on here? And what’s he doing here?”


“I told you yesterday at Woody’s. I’m living with my boyfriend now.”


Michael glares at Justin, not pleased to see him at all. “And all these boxes? Are you going somewhere?”


“Just doing a little spring cleaning.”


“It’s October.”


“Okay, I’m doing a little fall cleaning. I’m putting some boxes into my storage locker in the basement.”


Justin offers Michael a cup of coffee, while Brian quickly slips into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Brian reaches over to pick up several boxes off the chair so Michael can sit down. He elects to haul them down to the basement now to get them out of the way. Impatiently waiting for the elevator, he decides to just take the stairs. Not a minute later they hear Brian scream as he slips and falls down the stairs.


Both Justin and Michael run to see what happened. They find Brian unconscious at the bottom of the stairs with greasy pizza cheese stuck to his shoe and smeared on his jeans. Justin tries not to panic when he realizes that Brian’s hit his head again. Michael looks guilty as sin because he knows it’s his fault that Brian slipped going down the stairs.


TBC…