BREAKING THE ICE

A SONG FIC

So f you don't like that, STOP reading right now! But come on!!! Admit it! Aren't you just a little bit curious?

         It was the first day on the set and tensions were running high. Nobody really knew anybody else and to make matters worse the most gorgeous creature walked onto the set.

         Wait. Maybe I better back up a bit. My name's Randy. Randy Harrison. And I've just landed the plummest of all plum jobs in the world.  I'm going to play Justin Taylor on Queer as Folk. I've read the pilot script and I'm sure it's going to be a hit! That is if we can get the stick out of everyone's butts!

         That brings me to the gorgeous creature walking onto the set right now. Tall, dark hair, lean and sculpted and none of that over developed bullshit. And a dark, dangerous, handsome face with the sexy ability to raise one eyebrow and say What the Fuck! Without saying a word. It's Gale Harold, my co-star and I swear! That face! That face is like looking into the face of God!

         I've made it pretty clear that I was gay at my audition (didn't I? I'm sure I did. UH OH!! No! No, I did. Phew!) and I know Gale is straight so I know the pressure is more on him and this job is going to harder for him. After all, we're going to be doing a lot of love scenes together which can't be easy for a straight man no matter how liberal he says he is.

         Uh oh! I thought so! He's got that nervous, what the hell have I gotten myself into, I don't know these people from Adam and Jack shit, look on his face, just like everybody else in this mausoleum. If I don't do something and quick, we are going to film something stiff and stilted and the show will be ruined. Worse yet, I'll be out of a job!

         I walk over to introduce myself and the first thing I hear is:

         "Nude?! Completely nude? What's next? Am I going to have to actually bone the guy?"

         "If only!" I thought and melted inside.

         "No, Gale! Of course not! But you'll be coming pretty close! Remember, this is a very risqué show, designed to push boundaries and fight for gay rights. It's going to be very graphic and it's only been picked up by Showtime so far. Didn't you read the script?"

         "Of course I read it."

         "Great, great! You're going to do great!" the director drifted off. Gale was left alone looking bereft and a little green. He looked anything but like he was going to do great.

         "Hi, I'm Randy!" I tapped Gale on the shoulder. I turned on my highest wattage smile.  He turned around. "Gale." He said curtly, and shook my hand. Oh wow! It was strong and powerful, and he was all curt and straightforward already. Wow! This guy was Brian! This show was going to be so much fun!

         Then he took a closer look at me and said, "Oh, wow! You're him!"

         "Him?"

         Yeah, you're him! The guy playing Justin to my Brian!"

         "That's me!"

         "I hear you're gay."

         "You hear rightly. Is that a problem?"

         I could almost hear his brain backpedal. It was so cute.

         "No! No, not at all, it's just that...well, I'm not. I'm a little nervous doing this."

         He was nervous! OMG! I was going into meltdown; this was so adorably cute!

         "Gale look. I'm gay. You're straight. There's nothing we can do to change that and no matter what we do on the set, it still won't change it. Even if we kiss or roll around or rim or suck when the director yells cut, you're still going to go after girls. So just relax roll around and have fun, OK?"

         You know, you're right! OK!" but he still looked nervous. So did a lot of people, even Sharon Gless and she's supposed to be the most effusive, loud-mouthed character on the show.

         "Here we go Gale! The perfect solution!" the costume director came over having been apprised of Gale's worries. She handed us both a woolen tube of some sort.

         "What the FUCK is this?" I screeched, sounding remarkably like Justin. Or worse, Debbie.

         "It's a cock sock," said the costume bitch. "You wear it during your naked scenes. That way no one's totally nude even when you're totally nude. OK?"

         "That's great getting into character, Randy!" yelled the director. "But you're a little early!"

         Great! Even he thought I sounded like Justin.

         Gale raised one eyebrow at me, which made me want to rip his clothes off right there.

         Oh HELL NO! This was not OK! This was stupid and going to tighten up Gale more than Fort Knox., and everyone else even more to boot! I had to do something! Some sort of protest. Not even that far. Just something to break the ice. But what? What?

         Well, I had plenty of time to think. And think I did. And shortly before it was time for Brian and I to film our sex scene it hit me. Something I could do. It was unthinkable. It was horrible. It was outrageous. I loved it.

         While everyone was distracted on the break I ran to the piano player and whispered my plan. He loved it and he loved it even more after I gave him a 20.

         Are you coming? Or  going? Or coming and staying? Or coming and going."

         Brian's lines washed over me and I almost missed his command to strip. But I did anyway. The director called cut and we put on the hated cock socks.

         I waited till Brian had stalked up to his bedroom and flung open the doors. He turned framed magnificently in the doorway.

         "Well!?" he said arrogantly. What are you waiting for?"

         "Here we go," I thought.

         "I'm waiting...for the music," I answered.

         "Huh?"

         And that's when the piano started, a soft tinkling introduction, taking everybody by surprise. Cast and crew swung around to look as I started to sing in my alto voice.

I was feeling done in

Couldn't win

I've only ever kissed be-fore

Two stage hands asked:                     You mean he's...

Uh huh.

         I stalked toward Gale/Brian, reached him, pushed him down on the bed.

I felt there's no use getting

Into heavy petting

         Here I looked down at the bed and remembered the events to come:

It only leads to trouble and...bed wetting.

         Brian smiled at that

Now all I want to know...is how to go

I've tasted blood and I want more

         I sucked his neck at that and to my delight I heard the actresses playing Mel and Lindz sing for me:                   More! More! More!

I'll put up no resistance

I want to stay the distance

I've got an itch to scratch!

         Here, I pulled off the hated cock sock. Brian raised one eyebrow at my full erection. Everyone else gasped. In the background I heard: "Keep rolling! Keep rolling! But I ignored it. Everything was fading now except that beautiful man in the bed and it wasn't even Gale anymore, not really. It was Brian. Only Brian.

I NEED ASSISTANCE!

Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me!

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me!

Creature of the night!

         Whereupon I did what I had been wanting to do all day. I jumped on him and kissed him passionately. I shoved my tongue down his throat. At that moment, I was Justin kissing my soulmate who didn't know it yet. I laved his neck and moved down, kissing his throat, his neck, his chest. I rose slowly, straddling his hips. Somewhere, I heard: "OK Randy! You've had you're fun!"

         But I disagreed. My fun was just beginning.

         Obediently, (to me) the piano started the intro to the second verse. And I sang:

Then if anything grows...(I chuckled)

While you pose

I'll oil you up and rub you dooowwwn

         I stroked his body lightly with my fingertips up...then down. I felt him shiver.

(Mel+Lindz)                          Down! Down! Down!

And that's just one small fraction

Of the main attraction

You need a friendly hand (I fingered his sock)

AND I NEED ACTION

         Again I threw myself onto Brian and rolled around and around with him on that bed singing the chorus:

Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me!

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me!

Creature of the night!

         Again , I laved his neck, sucked a nipple, and a arose, straddling his waist and gazed down adoringly at my lover. I was done.  Reality started to invade. I felt for sure that I was in BIG trouble, but well hey, we'd cross that bridge when we came to it. And then Brian smiled at me, his tongue firmly wedged in his cheek and he raised that one eyebrow at me! In one smooth quick move he flipped me like a pancake and reversed out positions. In seconds he had me pinned to the mattress. And Gale, my Brian, my hero, in a rich bass began to sing to me:

Oh my Boy!

Who became my toy

I invited you up....for penetration!

But you became much mooorre

Than one small fraction

Of the main attraction

I need a friendly hand

And WE NEED ACTION!

         And he threw off his cock sock to reveal a glorious 9" erection! Everyone gasped again. And he threw himself down on me and proceeded to "fuck" me. There was no actual penetration but it was good enough for me! As he pumped away, we sang together, alto and bass singing the chorus one more time:

Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me!

I wanna be dirty!

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me!

Creature of the night!

         We rolled over and over again, kissing, sucking, laving, and even a quick 69 and as we did we heard various characters cry out the end:

Debbie:                                 Creature of the Night!

Mel:                                      Creature of the Night!

Lindz:                                    Creature of the Night!

Michael:                                Creature of the Night!

Emmett:                                 Creature of the Night!

Ted:                                      Creature of the Night!

Brian and I rose up, glorious and naked on the bed and finished: "CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!"

         And he dipped me deep and kissed me. It was a real kiss and he stuck he tongue down my throat and I'm not sorry to say I enjoyed it WAYYYY too much. There was tumultuous applause.

         Then we fell back on the bed .We were both breathing hard I could see he was back to being Gale but his eyes were dancing and he was smiling and relaxed and happy.

         In the background I could hear everyone laughing and talking. My stunt had done the trick. The ice was broken. I was glad but I only had eyes for my co-star.

         "So," I asked, "After all that....still straight?"

         "Yes. Yes, I am," he said.

         I kissed him quick. "Told ya so."

         And before we could do more the powers that be were upon us.

         Well, of course we had to do the scene correctly. And the cock socks eventually became as much a part of the show as we were. Sigh. (Rolls eyes) But they did tell us the footage we shot was so good that they would be using it in various shows throughout the season. Of course, they would have to replace the soundtrack since Queer as Folk was NOT a musical.

         A pity. What self-respecting queer doesn't love a musical?

         And just wait till they see what I have in store for "You are my Sunshine"  (wink)

THE END