Time is such an odd thing.

            Sometimes you blink on Wednesday, and when you open your eyes, it is Monday already. Whatever the day, it is always Monday again. Those are various Mondays, but where did all other days go? You went to work in May, looked around and saw it was February. One moment you are fourteen, and suddenly hit forty two.  

            And sometimes it is vice versa. You get stuck in some giant second as a mosquito in amber, and ten eternities pass between every two beats of your heart. You tell someone, "I love you!", and watch how galaxies are indolently imploding. Or you drop a cup of coffee on your pants and watch it slowly and graciously flying towards its destiny.

            My year of post-Blake Apocalypse managed to include the both extremities. On one hand, I did not notice how whooshed from the age of forty one to forty two. On the other hand, this year seemed to be the longest one in my life.

            It would be cool to describe some event of this year that changed my life. A turning point dividing bad from good. Like, as soon as I closed the gym door behind me, a prince on a white horse rode my way.  Although, with my luck, a horse would dump a shit on me, and that would be the end of the story. But I had nothing like this - neither prince nor horse.

            There was Emmett. Plenty of Emmett. We visited all places that were ours for Blake and me. Em and I were laughing there, bickering, tasting cheese, buying clothes. I was meeting some new guys. We went to St Musical Church to sing. We even watched a couple of operas together. Em told me that Pitts must not associate with Blake for me, otherwise I will go bananas. I cannot say we fully implemented our plan, but I felt better. In certain moments I was listening to myself and understanding: life became easier for me in this or that respect. The sky is blue, music is beautiful, it does not hurt to breathe, I want to live.

            I still associate with Blake: snow storms, Verdi, some restaurants, blues, chamomile tea and a shampoo brand. But it's worlds different in comparison with the past. Half a year ago I went outdoors and thought: "Oh, a tree! It reminds me of my life with Blake! It was a big wood year if you understand what I mean." And then my memory would rise to its surface six months of moderate seedlings and months of withered sprouts. Or once when I was passing an electronics store I caught a glimpse of a movie on a TV. I could not recall whether I watched it with Blake, but it seemed to me that I did. We watched a thousand of movies, why not this one? And I started to recall whether we saw it together. My imagination tended to put my ex into any mise en scene, including the ones he was never a part of. 

            All in all, I was seeing Blake's ghost wherever I looked.

            Now I will think, "In this restaurant I hooked up with a chef! And in this store Em picked up a fantastic coat for me." Or, "What a funny joke! I have to tell Cynthia!" Snowy weather, though, still makes me freak out. But for this case it is sufficient to know: in a blizzard it is better for me to stay at home and be busy.

            For a few months I got back to my usual sexual race and boyfriend search. Brian even signed on to make sexy pics for me, and the result was red hot. I printed the photos and keep them in an album. For some time, I was having a date every evening. Many of them ended with sex, but there were no second ones. I was comparing all my dates with Blake and Emmett. Resemblance of Blake in anything from intonations to favor for Russian literature or zodiac sign (God knows, I am embarrassed to acknowledge it now) was making me shrink away. And the quality of our communication with Emmett was so obviously exceling the boring lip service I had with claimants upon my heart and hand that soon enough I lost all interest in dates and with clear conscience continued to enjoy my promiscuity.

            I believe the point is that chances to fall in love are just lying under our feet. You walked, tripped, fell and voila - your sight angle changed. Whether you are tumbling downstairs or falling headlong on a slippery spot, you change. Some people drop as potato sacks and burrow their faces in mud. And for others, it is a chance to stop for the first time in ages and to see Moon on the water. 

            But nobody tumbles on purpose. Possibility of love cannot be spotted willfully. It can be either a dirty cobblestone or a powder-blue box with a bow. But you have to run into it abruptly and to trip over the surprise effect. Don't look for love with a magnifying glass, crawling on all fours along the road of life. Just walk and whistle songs. Like I am walking now.

            I just walked into Woody's to celebrate my birthday.

            This time Emmett achieved something impossible: he gathered the whole gang of ours. Melanie and Lindsay had brought their kids. Justin had come to spend some time with Brian. Of course, I'd already had dinner with Mel, but as for the others, I had not seen them for ages. And now we were eating cake, laughing and recalling some stories from the past. We met Hunter's girlfriend Lucy. I got wishes of happiness and Mr. Right coming my way.

            Actually, I have already found some right guys. And all of them are here with me. I have my glorious family. I have the folks that will never let me perish alone. And also I have myself - the guy who can find a way out of any hot mess and gain from the journey, as experience has proven.   

            It's a funny feeling when you are entering your future step by step. Who knows what is waiting for us there? Probably, I am in for a prince, or just for a horse and its dung. Chances are, I will bring to my future lots of crap from my past. I cannot help dragging yesterday's tails to tomorrow, as nobody can, in the end. But it is important to remember that tails are tails and not to carry them in front of you, tied in a knot. And I want to hope that many good things are in front of me. Why not?

            Emmett hugged me, kissed my cheek and yelled into my ear: "And now presents time!"

THE      END