SNOWSHINE

Chapter 11

       There was a short stunned silence and then a loud clamour as everyone began talking at once. A great deal was said but before Snowshine could quiet things down, the gist of it all was:

       "You must not do this! It's entirely too dangerous!" protested Double G.

       "Agreed!" voiced his mother and father.

       "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me! Christ, Snowshine, there's no fuckin' way!" screeched Debbie.

       "I don't see how this can be fiscally possible," Ted said.
       "What about Stockwell? If you surface he'll just levy those charges against you," reminded Blake.
       "Sweetie, you know, I'll support you in anything you put your mind to doing!" sniffed Swish Stick tearfully, "But as my Aunt Lula used to say, Even the hog has enough sense to run away from the butcher!"

       Snowshine listened to everything carefully but at last he rapped on the table for order.

       "Look, I understand your concerns but I've been giving this a lot of thought for a while now. You've all been wonderful but you can't protect me forever! I can't stay down here forever like some rabbit in a burrow. Stockwell MUST be defeated and I'm the only one who can run. Double G is too young, Michael is...well, Michael, Vixen, you're busy enough with operations and looking after Double G, Brian, I need you close to the enemy, and the rest of you, well, frankly put, you're all to oddball to run as candidates. It has to be me."

       "Hey! Who are you calling oddball!?" Swish Stick said indignantly...and swishily.

       Everyone ignored him. They knew Snowshine was right.

       "And besides," he said to mollify them, "For this to work, I'm going to need all you to help me with your special talents. Double G, I'll need you to run logistics and be on hand to advise me...when it's not past your bedtime, that is. Vixen, I'll need you to help him and take his place when it IS past bedtime. Red, I'll need you as lookout and recon topside. Also to be in charge of spreading the flyers and posters that will soon be everywhere.

       "As for finances, well, we'll just switch operations from smearing Stockwell to running for mayor. We won't have any more funds than we already do but we won't have any less either. Accountant, we'll need your wizardry of the accounts to help us in that department and even fund raising ideas. Exterminator, I want you to be in charge of designing the website where I can post my messages.  As for safety, well, until it is safe, I've thought of that too. I'm going to run the very first political campaign that is run entirely from media sources. Internet, TV spots, flyers, posters. My face will be everywhere and yet in person, nowhere at all."
       Everyone was very impressed and interested at this idea.

       "And what about me, Snowshine?" asked Swish Stick excitedly.

       Justin looked over at the flamboyant man fondly and thought quickly. "I need you to be in charge of my wardrobe. The set dressing that will be behind me as I give my speeches. And some catering, to feed us hungry troops! Do you think you can handle that?"

       "Can I!   Honey, you just wait and see!" enthused Swish Stick.

       "Wait! What about Whiny?" asked Red suddenly.

       "What about him?" several voices said.

       Snowshine rapped for order. "All right! That's quite enough of that. Michael is still one of us and has been loyal to us and the cause...up till now and I think it's about time we mend fences with him before he gets it into his head to change that. First of all, I think the time has come for us to stop calling him that. We'll find another code name for him to use. And depending on whether or not we can mend fences with him, I will find him something to do. Speaking of which, I think the time has come to go after him and talk with him and adjourn the meeting for now. All in favor?"

       All agreed and the conference broke up. Vixen and Double G went to tell the troops of the change in focus and the rest dispersed to their different stations.

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       They found Michael upstairs alone in a booth looking out at the snowy street and sucking morosely at an ice cream float.

       Brian and Justin slid in opposite him without asking. They knew they would not be invited.

       "Michael, we're sorry about what happened down there," said Justin.

       Michael ignored them.

       They waited.

       At last, Michael turned his neck to face forward. He looked at them with soulless dead eyes. Justin started a little. It would have been better if they had blazed with fury or hate or something but this...this was...nothing. These were the eyes of someone who had given up. Given up fighting, given up hope, given up caring. These were the eyes of a man who despised life and everyone in it so much he was preparing to bite the bullets that were even now sitting within his shoulder holster.

       "Michael? Who's this Michael?" he sneered sarcastically, "Don't you mean...WHINY!!?" he rasped, wincing a little that indeed, even that, sounded a little whiny. Nevertheless, he carried on. "Anyway, I'm through answering to both names where you two are concerned. I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again. Leave me alone."

       "We don't want you to answer to that name anymore Michael. We discussed it after you left and decided that it was high time for you to be given a new code name. No-one will call you Whiny again and if anyone does, you are to come straight to me and report it. I will set them straight. But that means doing your part as well. No fighting, no shooting or threatening anyone who upsets you with that name. You must come straight to me. Do we have a deal?"

       Michael's dead eyes sparked with a flicker of lust and angry hope. "A new name? Really?"

       "Yes, really. But you must do your part, Michael."

       "I can do my part, never fear. But what will YOU do, Justin? What happens if someone calls me by...THAT NAME...and I do come around to you? A slap on the wrist, rubber stamp, next in line, thank you very much, Bob's your uncle...is that what I have to look forward to?"

       "No Michael, the penalty shall be harsh. Say...they will be let go from service and banned from the Diner for say...two weeks. Is that acceptable?"

       "Justin!" Brian was horrified.

       "No, Brian," Justin said firmly, "I want this thing nipped in the bud. Time is short and precious and so I must be swift in all things. Michael...do we have a deal?"

       A small, cruel smile curved on Michael's mouth. "We have a deal," he agreed in a voice that was as cruel as his smile. "Now...if there's nothing else...go away."

       "Actually, there is something else," Justin said, "We are at war, Michael. We can no longer be a house divided. It is past time for us to clear the air, find the root of your bitterness and destroy it. You must at last tell us what is making you so angry, so vindictive. You have to learn how to open up and..."

       "DON'T YOU THINK I'VE TRIED!!?" Michael erupted like a volcano. "Over and over! But every time I tried, nobody listened! It was...Stop your whining, Michael!....Shut up, Whiny!...We're busy, Michael! Suck it up!...Don't be so Whiny, Michael! And then that hateful name! So I sucked it up! I shut up! My problems became my own! And still that hateful name continued! And then....and then...you had the BALLS to bring HIM back here into my face!" Here he pointed a furious finger at Brian as if he were pointing at Stockwell himself. "You want to know the root of my bitterness!? Fine! He sits beside you!"

       Michael's furious face was red and blotchy as he pointed an accusing finger straight at Brian's shocked and whitened one.

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       "Now Michael, that's not fair! You can't go around blaming other people for..." Justin started.

       But Brian saw the way Michael's face blackened with fury and began to shut down even before Justin finished the sentence. He realized that Michael must have heard that refrain all his life just before people stopped listening to him.

       He raised his arm to stop Justin and said, "No, Justin. I want to hear this. I want to know what made him like this. Michael, for God's sake, what did I DO...to make you so angry...to turn you into...THIS!?"

       Michael's fury subsided a little now that he was being allowed to talk and was replaced with a kind of "My God, I don't fuckin' believe this kind of look and he peered carefully into Brian's eyes.

       "My God, You really don't remember do you? Do you even remember the last words you even spoke to me?"

       "No, not really."

       "You inconsiderate prick! And after you left us forever, did you have a slightest glimmer of regret of tossing us aside...in the six years you have been gone did you miss me at all, did you even think upon me once, in some small way?"

       "Of course, Michael! Well...not a first, I must admit. I was too busy working, thinking about image, myself, money. I guess I was about 4 years ago and two years after I lost touch that I though back on you...on you all...and wondered how you fared. How you were. But I had grown up too much...grown too far apart. You know how these things are...you were my past...I was looking to the future....I just figured you guys had moved on without me too."

       "You selfish p -" And then, as if realizing calling Brian names would accomplish nothing (which was the case) Michael took a deep breath, pinched the bridge of his nose, and began again.

       "You know what...I don't blame you for forgetting the last thing you said to me. It was inconsequential. But I remember, for it was the last time I ever saw you again. You said, "Well, it's gettin' late! I gotta get up early tomorrow. See ya tomorrow, Mikey!" And then you leaned over and kissed me, soft at first but longer than necessary and on a whim, I made the kiss deeper. We frenched in that way we did sometimes and I made up my mind to talk to you about that the next night, to tell you that I wanted to do that again. And again. And again."The remembered lust was thick in his voice. "And so I waited the next day. But you never came! I came to Babylon for a whole week straight waiting, longing for you. But you never came again. Not ever."

       "I explained that," Brian said defensively.

       "ONE HOUR AGO!" Michael roared in fury and Brian quailed under it. "After six years of silence you finally deigned us with your presence and an explanation. After you disappeared, I thought you were missing. I thought you were hurt! I called the hospitals. Nothing. I called you. Nothing. No voicemail message was ever returned. I thought about filing a missing person report but what was I supposed to say? Oh, Officer, my Boyfriend has stopped coming to the gay nightclub where he comes every night to plow every gay man in the city except me! I would have been laughed out of the station and/or gay bashed to boot! I was...I AM working at the Big Q and had no money for a private eye. For a year, I mourned you as one dead until one day I walked past a newsstand and saw a Forbes....and a GQ and there you were, as large as life and twice as rich, founder of Kinnetic, a rising star in advertising, intent on taking over the world!"

       "I remember those interviews," murmured Brian nostalgically.

       "So do I," Michael said grimly, "That was when my sorrow turned into a fierce hate as I realized you had simply thrown us away like garbage, like a filthy used condom, without a second thought, without an ounce of remorse!"

       "Michael, NO! That isn't true!"

       "Isn't it? Are you sure? And even if it wasn't, how was I supposed to know that!? All I knew is that you'd vanished and when you finally resurfaced you were the Trump of Advertising! And I was just still one of the little people! An insignificant cog working in a department store that your Armani sensibilities would not have let you set foot in any more than one of us wants to use a porta-potty! If I had called you up, would you have taken my call? Would you have even remembered who I was!?"

       "Of course I would have remembered! I would! It might have taken a while to get to you, but I would have talked to you!"
       Michael just looked at him disbelievingly.

       "So there I was...I was nearing thirty...I'd lost my best friend and my love all in one fell swoop." He closed his eyes remembering. "I was in a wretched job where everyone was rabidly homophobic. I started a friendship with a co-worker named Tracy. Nothing happened but within a week everyone assumed we were lovers. Then a promotion came up and the manager threw a party to choose who would get it. He told me to bring "my lady". I panicked. I had no boyfriend OR girlfriend. My mother would have gone off on PFLAG rant. I had no one to talk to. I was alone. So in desperation, I asked Tracy. Now everyone was positive we were boyfriend/girlfriend. Even she thought it a little. And I got the promotion."

       "More time passed. I turned 30. She came to my party as my girlfriend. She had built it up in her own mind so much I didn't have the heart to tell her I felt nothing. About this time, Emmett had some sort of health scare, a broken condom or something and when his result came back HIV negative he started going to this conversion group called See the Light. I decided to try going with him. I thought if I could feel something...anything for Tracy it would make the Big Q...and our relationship a little more bearable. Emmett gave up on the group because Ted talked him out of it and he was weak. But I knew all that was needed was to stick it out...To be strong. And that's when I realized..." His voice petered out to a whisper and he paused.

       "What? What happened Michael?" Brian was on pins and needles. He was feeling a kind of fascinated horror. He felt as if he were stuck in some sort of nightmare from which he could not wake.

       Michael's eyes popped open. "YOU! It was YOU! You were the one who had made me gay! Ever since we were 14 and we made out. And then we jacked off to that Patrick Swayze picture. That was YOUR perversion...your fetish. I realized I just had chosen to go along with you and convinced myself I was in love with you. I was straight. I AM straight. So I married Tracy and there was another promotion party. Now I was regional manager which made Tracy happier but for me it just meant less time out on the floor and more paperwork and now all the homophobic bigots called me Sir."

       "Oh, Michael...You don't really believe that do be true, do you?" Brian asked in disbelief...and then consternation. He did.

       "Michael, that isn't true! First of all, think back to that night! YOU were the one with the crush on Patrick Swayze! Besides, one of the biggest lies that the heteroes want to believe is that you can choose to be gay! You can't choose that Michael. No one can make you gay! If you were straight and didn't want to go to Babylon, you wouldn't have!"

       "No! No....you pressured me! Sometimes you kidnapped me!" Michael said brokenly.

       "Oh yeah!" Brian thought back nostalgically. Then he snapped out of it. "Michael those were pranks...Jokes, to get you out of the house...to get you away from Debbie and prevent you from becoming a Mama's boy! They weren't serious kidnappings! Surely, you know that! Surely, you remember!"

       "I remember everything perfectly!" Michael answered viciously.

       "If you are so straight, why do you still consider your co-workers homophobic bigots?" Justin asked mildly.

       "I - I - well, because I..."

       "Hey, yeah!" Brian agreed trying to force the wedge deeper into their brainwashing, "If you were so straight, why would you care if anyone was a homophobic bigot or not? Not to mention, you're sounding like one yourself!"

       "No! No! I'm not! Besides I had my mother screaming into my ear the other half of the time! Besides I don't care! I only said all that because...because..."

       "Yeeeeees?" Brian asked smugly.

       "Because...because....because...SHUT UP, that's why!" Michael fairly screamed.

       Brian just held his head in his hands and shook his head in despair and distress. That goddam group had fucked with his brain and he was completely in denial. More and more this was a fucking nightmare.

       "And what happened to Tracy?" Justin's gentle voice cut in, half in reminder. He knew exactly what happened to Tracy.

       "We were divorced a year later. There's been no one else since then. You know that." Michael's voice was sulky.

       "And why were you divorced?" Justin pressed relentlessly.

       "Lack of intimacy," Michael mumbled reluctantly. "She couldn't stand it anymore and ran off with some rugby player."

       "Lack of intimacy?" repeated Brian, his head popping up again."

       "Did I stutter!?" Michael growled. "Yeah! So what!?"

       "So...So, that proves it right there, Michael! You couldn't be intimate...or intimate enough with her because you couldn't feel those feelings! Because you're gay, Michael! You've been my best friend since I was 14 years old and I loved you ever since then! I know you! I know you like I know myself! And I know you are gay and I know you didn't choose it! You can't choose it!"

       "NO! That's not true! That can't be true!" Michael yelled, holding his head. He closed his eyes and held his head. "AHHHH! You're giving me one of my headaches!"

       "It IS true! Brian yelled back. "I loved you then! I love you now!"

       Michael's eyes flew open. "LIAR!" he roared, "YOU NEVER LOVED ME! NIGHT AFTER NIGHT WE WENT TO BABYLON AND NIGHT AFTER NIGHT YOU CHOSE SOMEBODY ELSE, A DIFFERENT PERSON EVERY NIGHT! IF YOU LOOOOVED ME SO MUCH, WHY WOULDN'T YOU FUCK ME!!!?" He broke down sobbing.

       "I didn't fuck you because I loved you. I fucked the guys I did, one time, you know my policy. I didn't love them. I didn't want to know them. I didn't want to see them again. If I'd fucked you, our friendship would have been over and I wanted you around. I wanted you around forever."

       "LIAR! Stop LYING to me! If you'd wanted me around forever, you wouldn't have left! You would have made me yours! You would have realized....realized...OWWWW!" He grasped his forehead in pain and winced.

       Suddenly he wiped his leaking eyes and sat up. "It doesn't matter," he said in a strange, wooden voice, "It doesn't matter now. I've seen the light. I'm straight now."

       He got up. "We're done here. I'll give you my new name in a few days. He turned and started to walk out.

       Brian struggled to get out of the booth. "Things are going to get a little freaky in the next couple of minutes," he whispered to Justin. "Whatever happens...know that I love, truly love only you."

       Then he straightened and yelled, "Like hell we are! Hold it right there!"

       Against his will, Michael responded to the authoritative tone and paused. Brian took advantage of that and strode masterfully over to Michael and grabbed his arm and spun him around.

       "We're NOT done! We'll never be done! You think I'm lying! Well, take this, straight boy!" Brian snaked one arm around his waist, threaded his other hand in Michael's hair and kissed him long and deep. He bent him back, in a deep dip, right there in the middle of the Diner.

       Michael struggled, screamed against Brian's mouth, spasmed, and collapsed. His eyes opened wide and fluttered closed. A wave of emotions that he had not felt, not allowed himself to feel in six years coursed through his body. Lust, heat, pleasure, the likes of which he had never felt with Tracy. His entire body and mind went limp. Except for his cock, which swelled to a painful erection in seconds. And still the kiss went on and on. Brian's tongue was large and soft from years of drinking Jim Beam and Michael sucked at it greedily. At last Brian began to pull away and end the kiss. He raised up and looked at Michael. He smoothed back his sweaty, curly locks a little worriedly.

       "Michael? You OK?" he asked.

       Michael lay there in his arms as if he were sleeping, Then his eyes fluttered, opened, focused. He looked at Brian as if he had awoken from a long sleep.

       "Yes...I think so," he said, "Are you?"

       "Good. Can you come back to the table? We need to finish talking," Brian stood then both up and began to disentangle himself.

       But Michael would have none of it. "Oh no, you don't!" he cried, "Not again! Not this time! I won't let you pull away from me again!"

       And he pulled Brian back against him, crotch to crotch, stomach to stomach, chest to chest. He reached up and threaded his hands through Brian's hair and pulled his head down and returned the favor, kissing Brian in the forceful, aggressive way that matched the persona that he had become. Brian opened to Michael's questing tongue and his mouth was not just frenched, it was plundered as thoroughly as if it were being invaded by a Viking. For six long years, Michael had been waiting for this kiss. He'd longed for it, repressed the longing with sadness, anger, violence, hate, alcohol and religion. But nothing had worked. Nothing could compare with the pure bliss of being able to finally, finally express the love that he was going to express the night that Brian had disappeared. No. Bliss was not enough to describe this. Euphoria. Intoxication. Completion.

       Yes, at long last he was complete. He had closure. After six long years of wondering what might have been, Michael was able to know what would be. He loved Brian. He would have loved Brian, with all his heart and soul. But he realized that the Brian of the past had no heart or soul and would not have been able to return the favor. And the Brian of the present had at last gained that which he did not have but they now belonged to another. And Michael had gotten to know Justin quite well and knew that Brian would be in good hands.

       Michael eased off the kiss slowly, gave Brian's tongue one last taste, nipped his bottom lip, and sipped his lips before at last breaking off and releasing him.

       Brian stood there, swaying a little, completely shell shocked. "Michael! I mean, how? Wow! That was amazing! Incredible! I didn't know you could kiss like that!"

       "It is the kiss I wanted to give you that night you did not come back. For six long years, I have been waiting to let you know how I felt, what I wanted from you. I know, I know, "he said, interpreting what Brian was going to say next, "I know I cannot have that now. I know you do not love me. I'm just so happy that you've moved on from that one fuck a night stage and have found a good man to love. I know Justin will take good care of you."

       "But Michael..."

       "Thanks for letting me get that out of my system. You were right. I'm not straight. That felt...felt...fantastic! I haven't felt anything like that in 4 years...well, I don't think I've felt anything! Nothing good anyway. I know you guys hate me and I don't blame you. I just hope I didn't screw things up with Justin. Maybe I should go...should I go? Yah, I'm gonna..." He released Brian and turned to go.

       "MICHAEL!! Will you stop being such a twat and shut up!?" Michael felt himself grabbed and turned again and Brian's lips crashed down on his hard but not as passionately this time, more like the old days. Michael closed his eyes and let a hundred memories flood through him. Oh! How could he have forgotten some of those times!?

       When Brian pulled away again, his gaze was amused but steely, "Geez, you and Justin could compete in a Biggest Princess of the Land contest!"

       "Hey! I heard that!" came a voice in the background. Brian ignored it.

       "Now will you shut up and come back to the table!? I have something to say to you!" And manhandling him, Brian guided Michael back to the table and Michael could not resist. He still felt a little woozy and heavy from the whole erotic experience and although he'd never admit it (yet) he secretly loved Brian's strong, take charge way and his strong hands all over him, guiding him, supporting him.

       Brian sat Michael down and slid in after him. He reached across the table and grabbed Justin's hand.

       "Michael, I want you to listen to me! Nobody hates you! We love you! All of us! I love you! I'm sorry I had to do that but I needed to do something drastic to keep you from leaving! And it seems to have snapped you out of that wretched brainwashing that group imposed on you so I'm not sorry! And besides that, I do love you. So does Justin. But you see..."

       "Brian, you're not offering some kind of kinky three way are you!? Cause there's no way! I may not have had a boyfriend...or girlfriend in a long time but there are still things that I just won't do!"

       Brian burst into happy tears of relief and hugged Michael hard. "Oh there he is! There's the queer I know and love! Oh I can't tell you how much I missed you over the years!"

       "Then he pulled back and assured him, "No Michael, this is not a come on! What I mean is, I love you...differently. Justin's my lover. I'm in love with him. He's my Prince."

       Justin grabbed Brian's hand again. He pressed it against his cheek and leaned into it. Brian stroked his cheek with a thumb. Justin was overcome with a joy that knew no bounds. He couldn't speak.

       "But Mikey, you've been my friend since I was 14. I love you and want you in my life forever, now more than ever. You're my friend. You always have been, and I never hated you, not even when you jammed that gun into my back the first moment we met again. I was worried, and worried about you, but I never hated you. I'm in love with Justin...but I love you too. Just a different kind. Understand now?"

       "Yes. Yes I think I do. And now that I've got that kiss out of my system, I think I can let you go now. I can move on and find my own Prince."

       "We'll do everything we can to help you in that department, Michael...Count on it," said Justin.

       Brian and Michael embraced in joy one more time. Then Michael said, "Brian...when you leave again..."

       "I'm not going anywhere, buddy," Brian promised.

       "NO!" Michael said forcefully and for the first time since his evil spell had been broken he sounded like his old self again. "No! You can't promise that! Nobody can! And besides...You and Justin will one day..well...fuck off...and I won't see you as often or who knows...ever. Just promise me...If you...when you leave again...at least this time say good-bye first."

       Tears pricked at Brian's eyes and he grabbed Michael into another hug so he wouldn't see them. He stroked his soft, tight, curly hair. He'd almost forgotten what it had felt like, like trying to remember a dream of a dream while sleeping for a hundred years. That curly hair felt fantastic. Mikey felt fantastic, especially now that he wasn't all tensed up with anger and hate and pain.

       "If I do...I promise. Silly twat," said Brian.

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       Some time later, after the love-fest had died down, Justin got back to business.

       They sat together, Brian and Mikey together, with Mikey's arm around Brian's waist as if it were a life preserver. Brian and Justin still held hands across the table, a trio united.

       "Michael, there are still a few things I need to let you know about and something I want to ask you...if you still want to work with us. Now that we're all back on the same page do you want to continue working with us, or walk away? Make up your mind now, for as I said, time is short."

       "If you are earnest in allowing me to change my code name, then I will stay," Michael answered.

       "Done. OK, first, Brian told us a lot of horror stories about Stockwell that you need to hear. Ted recorded them and you can ask him to replay them for you at your leisure. Second, it has been decided that Stockwell cannot be allowed to run unopposed any longer. I have decided to run for mayor against him."

       "What!!? How? You'll be arrested! Captured!?"

       Justin held up a hand and quickly explained. When he was done, Michael was grudgingly impressed.

       "Everyone is doing their part by using their own special strengths and talents. We came to ask for your help too."

       Michael grew suspicious and his old nature reared its ugly head. He narrowed his eyes, his body tensed and he asked, "Doing what?"

       "A job I picked out just for you. Something that you'd be most suited for, I promise."
       "Oh really! Is that so? What is it? Stuffing envelopes? Carrying them to the post office like your personal pack mule!? Being Gus' assistant?"

       "Michael! What is wrong!?" Justin asked in alarm.

       "Nothing! For the first time, nothing's wrong! And I'm going to make sure it stays that way! I'm not going to let you turn me into some kind of flunky where everyone gets to take credit for MY work and then gets their rocks off by calling me Whiny when I ask for a little recognition! Oh no! Not again!"

       "Michael, that's not the case! I have something very important for you. If you accept."

       "SUUUURRRE you do!" Michael drawled sarcastically, "What is it? Stamp licker? Poster roller? Bathroom attendant?"

       "Maybe this isn't a good idea," murmured Justin.

       "OHHH NO! By all means... enlighten me with this esteemed position," Michael said sarcastically. By this time, he'd worked himself up into a real state.

       "Tell him Justin, he'll feel silly afterward," Brian urged.

       "I was going to ask you to be my campaign manager," Justin said quietly.

       "OH NO! I don't care if you want.....wait......WHAT!!!??"

TBC