SNOWSHINE

Chapter 4

       Once upon a time Ethan Gold wanted to be classical music violinist. And he was good too. He could have done it.

       But he couldn't catch a break at it. He ended up playing on street corners but no matter how much money he made, it was never enough. No matter who came to listen to him, it was never a person of influence, no one who could or would sponsor him.

       He came home one day and a few boxes of his stuff were outside on the street and his locks were changed. Just like that he was homeless.

       He had no way of carrying anything so he left everything to the mercy of the Pitts except for his violin and busked even harder. And when he could play no longer, grew too tired, could not make enough green or when his fingers started to turn blue, he took to taking walks in parks, along crowded streets and anywhere he felt he could get lost in a crowd in a hurry and pickpocket. Sometimes he made enough that way to get some dinner or rent a craphole motel for a night to keep from freezing.

       Of course, there came a day where he was too cold, his fingers too blue and stiff to be light and limber enough to pull it off. He got noticed. He ran but it was no use. He was chased down and caught by none other than Officer Taylor. Justin was just a beat cop at that time and still blond and beautiful and happy.

       After Justin had tackled him and rolled him and whipped out the cuffs, Ethan had slumped to the ground, a weary and defeated creature. He knew he had hit what they call rock bottom and he felt it at last.

       His hands were numb and he did not feel Justin snap the cuffs around his wrists. The cold penetrated deeper, numbing his brain. His head hurt. Justin was droning on about something. Finally he stopped and waited for something.

       "My head hurts," said Ethan. The cold penetrated deeper. He didn't care.

       Justin spoke again. This time Ethan made out something about understanding rights or something.

       "Yes, I understand rights. I also understand lefts," Ethan giggled. The cold penetrated deeper

       Justin frowned. He looked closer. The man's hands were blue and his face was turning a light shade of blue as well. Uh oh. He felt his head and felt a nasty bump where he'd hit his head against the sidewalk. Double uh oh!

       Ethan watched Justin, transfixed, as he leaned closer and touched him and stroked him. His hair began to glow. The cold grew deeper. Ethan leaned into the comfort that the hand offered.

       "Bright angel with golden hair! Have you come to take me away from the cold of this world at last!?"

       I'm hardly an angel! I'm a cop who is here to punish your ass! And my hair is blond, not gold!"

       Justin's hair, his whole being glowed brighter and brighter. "As bright as my name...I see only the gold!" whispered Ethan. There was a final flash of golden light and then everything went black.

       He woke up in a hospital, under guard. He was warned if he tried to resist, he would be chained to the bed. He did not resist. It was warm. So blessedly warm, he didn't care where he was.

       He was treated for a mild concussion and then transferred to jail. He was offered his phone call, he was provided an attorney, bail was set.

       He did not use his phone call. There was no one to call. He declined the bail. He could not afford it and besides, as institutional and limiting as the jail was, it was warm. So warm. The one thing he really missed was his violin which they had taken away as punishment and because they were afraid he would use the bow as a weapon somehow. It was stored away with his personal effects somewhere.

       The hours turned into days, the days to weeks, the weeks to a month. At last he had his time in front of a judge. The judge took in the fact of his injury at the time of arrest, the fact it was a non-violent crime, his good behaviour, and his time served and sentenced him to some community service and dismissed the case.

       But the whole thing was a real wake up call to Ethan. He knew he had to do something with his life, something legit. And as soon as he saw his bright avenging angel testifying against him, he knew what that was. To follow in Officer Taylor's footsteps, to uphold the law beside his footsteps, instead of breaking it. So he changed his name to Nathan Golde and joined the police academy. As soon as he finished and was sworn in as a cop, he changed it back to Ethan Gold. No one really noticed by that time. Besides, people changed their name all the time right?

       And as much as possible, he kept in touch with Justin and at every opportunity requested to be his partner. Truly, from the moment he had set eyes upon his bright angel he was in love with him and bore him no ill will for being his arresting officer. Indeed, it only made him more his mentor.

       Alas, things are what they are, and love is what it is, and Justin never did requite his love fully. Ethan pined for a while, and then settled into a kind of bliss, a kind of dream state from which he never woke. He lived two lives. One was his normal waking life. He found an apartment, settled down, found a boyfriend and then partner of his own, bought a house, a dog. He only played the violin for pleasure now. In his other life, Ethan kept a picture of Justin in his locker, looked up to him, worshipped him, loved him from afar as they worked. And finally, there was that nasty business with Cody, his Angel's gold had transformed into pure, virginal white, and Ethan loved him even more than he thought was possible. He put in a request to be his partner as soon as possible, asked Justin himself, and was overjoyed when Justin had agreed. After all, they had been work buddies for a long time now and Ethan had always had his back.

       Which brings us up to speed.

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       Ethan pulled out into traffic.

       "Congratulations on making detective!" he said, "That was a great collar last night!"

       "Well, don't count yourself out! It was a team effort."

       "Oh, I was just in the van downstairs recording everything and being backup. They don't give promotions for sitting in a van. You did all the real work. You're a real maverick, Justin." He could not keep the hero worship out of his voice.

       Maverick. Rebel. Individualist. Loose cannon. Risk taker. Justin thought about it and had to admit that to an extent...a large extent...Ethan was right. Had been right. But Justin could see now that all his risk taking, his gunning down of crooks with no thought of his well being was a product of his missing half. His missing half that was now complete. He was suddenly weary. Weary but happy. So happy. He didn't want to maverick anymore.

       "You may be right, Ethan. But not anymore. And for goodness sake, don't look up to me for that!"

       "But why not? That's what gets you the promotions! That's what gets you all the guys!" (Except me!) he thought wistfully. "And I never see you happier when you run off all half cocked out of the station or down the street after a perp and forget all about me! When that happens...that's - that's when you're truly happy!"

       "Do I do that? Oh, Ethan, I'm so sorry!" Now that he thought back, he did remember doing that a lot, letting the thrill of the hunt fill his being and forgetting everything else, leaving Ethan, everyone, everything in the dust.

       "Oh don't be sorry! That's what GPS and walkie-talkies are for! And besides, I never once thought about stopping you or holding you back. That's when the light in your eyes goes on and you're happy! Truly happy!" Ethan reiterated. "And I'd do anything to make you happy. Anything."

       You'd have to be completely oblivious to not get the double entendre and Justin was hardly oblivious. He was and had been aware of Ethan's crush for quite some time. But he could not return it. He supposed it was the maverick in him, preferring to go it alone in life both on and off the job. Oh, he was able to pick up guys with ease but they were always one timers. Until now.

       "Ethan...I know how you feel about me," Justin began carefully, "But I've never felt anything back and I've never led you on to make you believe otherwise. Have I?"

       "No, Justin," Ethan said. He stared carefully at the road, trying not to tear up. "And I know. I know. That's why I have Steve. And I love him. I really do. It's just...it's just I love you too. I loved you first. Ever since you arrested me and gave me that wake up call from the pipe dream I was living in trying music, that's when it happened."

       "Oh Ethan, I wish you'd stop referring to your violin as a pipe dream. I can't help thinking that it shouldn't have been a dream, that THAT should be your life. You're really good at it."

       "I know. I just couldn't get the right sponsorship I guess," Ethan said regretfully.

       "Nevertheless, the real pipe dream is us and this dream you have for me. Now more than ever. Ethan, I've met someone. Last night. It was oh so quick, but the chemistry was amazing. And that's it. I'm completed. I'm happy. Truly happy, without needing to chase off alone after some scumbag. Look at me, Ethan, look at me, and see! If you really want to make me happy, you'll let me go; let go of this fantasy once and for all!"

       And so, Ethan did look over and what he saw amazed and delighted him beyond words. If he had thought his angel was bright before, now, now his beauty was just dazzling.

       Justin body was relaxed and happy. His eyes were bright and his smile...WOW! His smile was on permanent million wattage. He looked like he did just before he took off on him only he was sitting still and Ethan could drink his fill of him at last.  His white hair seemed to fairly glow and in Ethan's eyes he swore he could see a white aura emanating off of him. He had the contented air of one who has been well and thoroughly fucked, which Ethan knew must have been the case last night.

       A host of emotions ran through Ethan. First the bad ones. Anger, jealously, envy, sadness for what he might have had but was now lost to him forever. Ethan closed his eyes and let them wash over and through him the way a cold shower washes over you if you drive a boat through a waterfall into a cool underground cave. And then overpowering and superseding them all was a happiness and love for his partner that transcended everything that had come before. He loved Justin even more like this, saw his beauty magnified beyond measure. And he knew whatever he might have had with Justin, he could have never transformed Justin like this. Never. The love he felt for Justin now was one that simply wanted to see and make him happy no matter where or who he was with. And with this love came the knowing that he could not do what he was going to do. What he had promised he was going to do. He had to save him.

       "Well? Ethan? What are you thinking? Can you let me go?"

       By this time they were only a block from the station. Making the decision quickly, Ethan pulled over, crossing several lanes of traffic and ramming into the curb.

       "Ethan! What on earth..." Justin exclaimed.

       Ethan pulled Justin to him and kissed him hot, hungry and quick. Then he let him go once and for all.

       "Oh Justin, yes! I can see you are happy and that happiness makes you even more beautiful than before. I love you more than ever! But with that love I can let you go now. And you have to go now! Right now! Get out of the car and run Justin! Run for your life!"

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       "Ethan what are you talking about? When I said you had to let me go, I didn't mean right this second!"

       "No Justin! You don't understand! You have to go! Run! Don't go to the station! Don't go home! If this lover has any contact to Stockwell, don't return there. Just run. The promotion ceremony...it's a ruse...no, well, more like a trap! You would get it but you'd have about 5 seconds to enjoy it! You see, as you are getting the promotion, Stockwell is planning a "surprise" inspection of all our lockers. Only in yours, they are going to find bags and bags of cocaine, PCP, meth, and marijuana. He's planning on having you arrested for evidence tampering and drug possession! He wants you gone! Your career destroyed! Your life ruined. And if you are there or not, the search will commence at 9:00 precisely. After that, it's only a matter of time before you become a wanted man."

       "Ethan...how do you know all this?" Justin growled dangerously.

       "Because I'm the one who planted the drugs there," Ethan said miserably. "Last night."
       "Ethan! My God! You're a monster! And you claim to love me?" Justin rubbed his lips as if he had kissed a festering ghoul, "How could you betray me like this?"

       "Stockwell called me up last night. He forced me. He called me into his office after your press conference was over last night and gave me the stuff. He threatened to kill me. He showed me pictures. He had thugs kidnap Steve. He threatened to kill him too if I didn't agree. So I did it. But I can't lead you into this terrible trap the way you are now! I just can't! Take your badge, your gun...they are your only weapons, your only comfort now! And...here, it's $200! It's everything I have in my wallet. Take it and run! Find an ATM and withdraw as much as you can before they freeze your accounts! Hurry! Go now! Run! RUN!"

       "Ethan! You've got to help me! You've got to confess this! Tell Internal Affairs! If you are truly remorseful, you've got to fix this!"

       "I will...I will...But the plan is already in motion. It will take time! Until then, find a place to lay low. Trust no one! Trust no cop! There's no telling who is Stockwell's eye or ear! Now go!"

       Justin shed a tear and then impulsively hugged his partner for the last time. "Thank you for doing the right thing!" he whispered. Then he furtively looked around and hopped out of the car and ran down the street.

       He was at the end of the block when there was a WHUMP!; a blasting, crashing noise and a searing wave of heat. Justin looked back and his eyes widened in horror.

       Ethan's car had exploded. Exploded with such force it had flipped clean over. The entire car was engulfed in flames. The fire raged in a fierce intensity. There was no way anyone could have survived.

       Justin's instincts took over. He ran. Ran fast. Through alleys, twisting this way and that, doubling back, and then running deeper into the urban jungle that was Pittsburgh.

       He was fucked, and not in a good, life affirming way. Ethan was dead. Without his confession, Justin would be labelled a dirty cop, drug user, drug dealer, evidence tampering asshole. His life would be ruined, career gone, everything Ethan had said and more. Justin hid behind a dumpster for a few minutes, heaving with rage and grief. He took a huge breath and swallowed his feelings and let his training take over. He ran.

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       Stockwell stood at his office window looking down at the street. In his hand he held a small black box with a button on it. A long antennae protruded from it. A detonator.

       In satisfaction he slid the antennae back into the box and slipped it into his pocket. If anyone saw it (which they wouldn't) they would simply think it was a pager or something.

       Even if he hadn't been watching for them he would have seen that white haired freak from a mile away. As it was, he had been watching. And he'd seen him bolt, which meant Gold had fucked him over. He had to go.

       He flipped open his cell phone open. He speed dialled a number. "Your payment will be in the account by the end of the day. Slit the filthy fag's throat."

       He flipped his phone shut.

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       As soon as he could, Justin followed Ethan's advice and found an ATM. He withdrew the maximum amount  $500. He ran as fast as he could and found another and withdrew another $500. He did this again and again, draining his savings and chequing accounts as much as possible before it was too late.

       However, in this case sooner was later. At 9:15 AM, on his fifth transaction, the machine emitted an unpleasant buzz, spit his card back out at him and produced a receipt that said among other nasty things: ACCOUNT FROZEN.

       Justin cursed colourfully. But at least he had gotten to four machines and had gotten $2000 of his money before they closed him down. It wasn't much but it was better than nothing. And now he knew. The locker check had happened and the planted drugs found. He knew he was a wanted man.

       He also knew it would only be a matter of time before there was a record of him accessing this machine.  He beat feet...fast.

       In the distance he could hear sirens. They grew louder.

       As fast as he could, he ran deeper into the urban jungle, a wilderness as deep, dark, and unfriendly as any forest, filled with concrete canyons, dark dead ends, and human wildlife than rivalled the ferocity of any lion, tiger or bear.

TBC