Brian: Listen to me, you little shit. I don't. Want. You here.

Justin: I don't care what you want. You're not getting rid of me.

[Brian tries to pull Justin out. Justin shoves Brian, who falls.]

Justin: Shit. Are you all right? Tell me you're all right!

Brian: I'm all right!

Justin: You're not all right!

Brian: [Shouting] Then what the hell are you asking me for?

Justin: [Shouting] So I can tell you what a motherfucking piece of shit you are for not telling me, for shutting me out, for thinking that you could handle this on your own and most of all for thinking that I would leave you! Why would you think that? 'Cause you had a ball removed? 'Cause you're no longer perfect? Well, believe me, Mr Kinney, that is the least of your imperfections. And if I wanted to leave you, I've had better reasons, plenty of them!

Brian: Maybe you should have.

Justin: Yeah, maybe you're right. But I thought we had a commitment, and I plan to stand by it. Now get your ass back in bed, you son of a bitch!... And eat some fucking chicken soup!

*~*~*

Brian stood frozen in place for a few moments, processing Justin’s words. He still wanted him. Brian had been sure Justin—young, beautiful, perfect Justin, wouldn’t want anything to do with his diseased self anymore.

He went to the bed, getting under the blanket, leaning his back against the headboard just as Justin appeared at his side with the promised chicken soup.

Justin placed the bowl on the nightstand, sitting next to Brian, fluffing his pillow before arranging the blanket better.

These were the things Brian wanted to avoid. He didn’t want to be coddled, but Justin’s gestures didn’t show pity. They were full of love, something Brian was still learning about. He was slowly understanding love made you do irrational things, and it also showed him Justin’s love for him was keeping him close, no matter how broken he felt at the moment. Brian couldn’t see the reason Justin loved him, what he could possibly love about him. He’d never been perfect, and as Justin had said earlier he had many flaws and he’d treated Justin horribly in the past. Still, the man stood strong against Brian’s storm and never blinked, always coming back and finding a new way to make Brian’s heart beat faster.

Justin touched Brian’s elbow, rubbing it. “Does it hurt?” He kept his voice low and soft.

“No.” The fall he took earlier wasn’t as painful as everything else he’d been through in the past few weeks.

Relief flooded Justin. “Did you eat today?”

“Does it count even if it came out at some point before lunch?” Brian joked.

Justin pressed his lips together, fighting off a smile. “You need to eat, Brian. This will make you feel better.” He picked the bowl and filled a spoon with soup before moving it to Brian’s mouth.

Justin expected Brian to protest and scream some more about being treated like an invalid, but after giving Justin a look showing how drained he was, he leaned closer, opening his mouth. Justin rejoiced at the small victory.

He shifted until he was sitting even closer to Brian, then continued feeding him.

Brian’s eyes never wavered from Justin’s face.

He had to hand it to him. Justin was an insistent little shit, and as much as Brian wasn’t entirely happy with the situation, he craved someone being there next to him. He tried not to think of a deep buried memory of his mother sitting up with him when he was very young and sick. It was his only memory of her being remotely nice toward him.

When there was about one quarter left of the soup bowl, Brian turned his head away, refusing to eat more. He felt nauseous and preferred to stay hungry than kneel in front of the toilet in a short while.

“One more spoon,” Justin pleaded with him, waving the spoonful in front of his mouth.

“Uh huh.”

“For me. Please.”

Narrowing his eyes at Justin, Brian reluctantly opened his mouth. He swallowed the gulp thickly. It felt like laden in his stomach. “No more.”

“Come on, Brian. A few more gulps. If you want, you can drink it from the bowl.”

“No. Don’t insist.”

Justin leaned back a little, keeping the bowl on his lap. “I talked to Linz earlier. She’s worried about you.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“She said Gus misses you. I told her I’d ask if you wanted to have him over this weekend for a few hours.”

“Oh, perfect. Show him what a fossil his old man has become.”

“You’re not a fossil!” Justin groaned. “You’ll feel better if you listen to me. Chicken soup cures everything.”

“Where were you when the doctor told me the rays will cure me? You should have told him the fucking chicken soup was a better choice than experiencing Chernobyl.”

“I mean now. Every time I was sick when I was little, Mom used to make me chicken soup.”

“Neither did mine,” Brian said sarcastically.

“What I’m trying to say is this will make you feel better. Don’t you want to see Gus? Come on. One more spoon of soup for him.”

“Don’t guilt-trip me into eating.” Brian felt his stomach rolling at the idea of more soup, or any kind of food. He pressed a hand to his stomach. “I fucking listened to you and ate something, but that’s it.”

“Do I have to force-feed you?” Justin put the bowl away, touching Brian’s leg.

“I dare you.”

They glared at each other for a short while, before Justin gave up. He realized Brian wasn’t likely to eat more, though he was pleased he’d managed to make him eat even a little.

Brian had always been thin, but ever since his return from the trip to “Ibiza”, he’d lost more pounds than it was healthy for him.

Justin took the bowl to the kitchen, keeping his eyes on Brian as he shifted lower on the bed. He decided to let his partner sleep. He went to the couch, taking his sketchpad from his bag, and worked on a drawing for his classes.

Mostly, Justin glanced over his shoulder at Brian’s sleeping form, making sure he was there—alive and well. They’d overcome a huge bump in their relationship, and Justin had never been prouder of himself than in the moment he stood up to Brian. He had to make the asshole see the situation as it was.

At some point in the late afternoon when Justin had succumbed to his homework without any distraction around him, he heard a loud groan.

He was on his feet in time to see Brian rushing to the bathroom.

Unsure if he was wanted there, Justin walked slowly to the bedroom, hovering in between the bed and the bathroom door.

“Jus-tin.”

The lifeless voice broke Justin’s heart, but he had to stay strong. He stopped in the bathroom’s doorway.

Brian was sitting in front of the toilet, his legs curled under him, arms on the seat. His eyes met Justin’s showing him how grateful he was for his presence.

“Can you get me some water?”

Justin disappeared into the kitchen, reappearing promptly with a bottle. He opened it, handing it to Brian.

Brian tipped the bottle to Justin in thanks, before taking a small sip, cleansing his mouth. He propped his elbow on the seat, attempting to rise, but slumped when he didn’t have enough energy.

“Come on, old man.” Justin seized Brian’s arm hoisting him up.

Brian leaned against Justin’s side, gripping onto him. “Thanks.” He felt wobbly on his feet so after putting the lid of the seat down, he sat on the toilet. A few gulps of water later, Brian sighed heavily.

Justin placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. He could feel the tense muscles under the tight skin.

“How about a massage? You’re so tight.”

A small smile appeared on Brian’s face. When their eyes met, Brian tried communicating through a look what he thought of Justin’s choice of words.

“Oh, yes. I’m going to take advantage of you.” Justin rolled his eyes. “Come on. Let’s lie down.”

Gritting his teeth at Justin’s tone, Brian got up, stubbornly not taking the offered hand. He swayed lightly and caught himself on the doorframe. He leaned against it, mustering all his courage and gathering all his strength for the long distance he had to walk to the bed. He had to make at best five steps, but it seemed too much.

Justin looped Brian’s arm around his shoulders, wrapping his around Brian’s slim waist, before steering the man to the bed. Brian glared at nothing in particular, hating he couldn’t even walk on his own.

Once on the bed, Brian fell face down on it, pulling the pillow over his head.

Justin crawled on top of Brian, straddling his ass.

“Hey!” Brian shifted around, trying to get Justin off him. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I promised you a massage. Now sit tight and stop squirming.”

“If you dare…”

“Chill, Brian. You’re sick, for fuck’s sake. I won’t try anything.”

Brian settled better, his arms around the pillow, face pressed into it. Justin kneading his muscles was actually a very good idea. The back of his neck stopped aching as Justin’s fingers deftly worked the muscles, slowly working his way to Brian’s shoulders and down his spine.

“Fuck. There,” Brian groaned when Justin hit a particular tight knot under his right shoulder blade.

“Here?” Justin pressed his thumb to the spot.

“Yesss.”

Smiling, proud his could extract sounds from Brian in bed without having sex, Justin continued his massage. He even grabbed the scented oil he’d bought some time ago, but never got to use it.

Brian was too consumed by Justin’s miraculous fingers to realize what he was doing. Only when he felt the gooey liquid on his skin, he shuddered, glancing over his shoulder.

“What the fuck?”

“Shh. Just relax. This will help with the massage.”

“That thing stinks of something I refuse to express in words.”

“It’s jasmine scented body oil. Shut up, and let me take care of you.”

Too tired to fight, and knowing deep inside he’d never win the argument, Brian settled on the bed. Justin, placed his now moist hands on Brian’s back, slowly kneading the tense muscles.

“When’s the last time you had a massage?”

“Too long ago.”

“Well, you should do it more often. You’re so tight all over.”

“How do you even know what to do?” Brian mumbled into the pillow, succumbing to the nice feeling.

Justin’s face heat up. He was glad Brian couldn’t see it. “Mom used to rub my back when I was little. I liked it, and tried returning the gesture.”

“You’re doing a great job.”

“Thanks.” Justin moved his hands to Brian’s lower back, extracting a low moan. “Fuck. There. It hurts.”

“This is from sitting badly in your chair at work. You have no idea how many people suffer from back pains from sitting at the desk the whole day.”

“Mr. Encyclopedia, thank you for the tip.”

“I’m only trying to help. You should get up from your chair every hour or so.”

“Oh, I do, to run to the Art Department and yell at them, and recently to pray to the toilet gods.”

Justin pressed the heel of his palm over the length of Brian’s spine, then rubbed his shoulders and neck. “Do you need me to help you? You know, at work?”

“Uh huh. My guys can do it, but not before I shout at them.”

“You really need to take better care of yourself, Brian. You have too much stress in your life.”

“Did you take lessons from Debbie? You sound just like her,” Brian mumbled into the pillow. The massage was relaxing him so much he was on the brink of falling asleep.

“I’m just looking out for you, asshole. Is your back better?”

Justin got only a grunt in response. He took it as a yes, but kept running his hands over Brian’s back. “When do you want me to tell Linz to bring Gus?”

Brian gave an unintelligible answer.

“What was that?” When he got no answer, Justin declared loudly, “Ten on Saturday it is.” He knew Brian liked to sleep in if he could, especially if Justin was around.

“Twat.”

Laughing, Justin lay on Brian’s back, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pressing his mouth to his ear. “I know you miss him too. I promise to be here in case you need help.”

“Great.”

Justin stroked Brian’s hair. “I’ll always be here. I want you to remember that. You can’t get rid of me.”

“I figured.”

“I’m your stalker.”

Brian gave a weak laugh, before his heavy breathing clued Justin that his partner had fallen asleep mid conversation.

While Justin washed his hands, he declared that day the best of his relationship with Brian. He’d managed to stand up to Brian and make him understand they belonged together no matter what happened. The way Brian had taken care of Justin, the same way Justin was going to be there for Brian. It was never an option in Justin’s head to leave Brian only because Brian was no longer perfect. Of course, Brian thought that, but Justin was set to prove to Brian youth and beauty weren’t the most important qualities in a person. It was what was on the inside that mattered.