As Justin walked around Central Park he couldn't help but think about if Brian were there. They had decided that once Justin moved they were going to try and stay connected. It didn't work well. Their relationship was already so unusual that distance made it all worse.

Brian couldn't stop thinking about how Justin was going to find a man his own age and fall in love. A man that was immediately willing to give him everything he wanted. There was twelve years between the two of them and that complicated it more than they liked to believe.

And to be honest Justin felt the same way. He loved Brian more than he ever thought was possible and wanted to be with him, but the distance wasn't something that they were able to do.

At first Brian flew to New York at least twice a month to visit. He'd stay in a nice hotel and bring Justin to stay with him. They'd spend four days in the hotel room fucking and just being happy that they were together again. But once Kennetik started to get even larger it got harder for Brian to get away. For a while he thought he'd open up a branch in New York and be able to work from there most of the time and maybe even live in a Manhattan condo with Justin. Married and happy.

"Brian Kinney. Leave a message."

"Hello," Justin started speaking into Brian's voicemail, "it's Justin, obviously. Haven't talked to you in a while. Just wondering if you were planning on coming into the city again anytime soon? If you do just give me call and we can see each other again.

Wow, you're gonna start listening to this and just delete it. Or maybe you'll see it's a voicemail from me and not even listen to it. Oh, well, I'm just gonna keep talking.

I thought maybe in a few weeks I'd head back to Pittsburg for a few days. My rent is insane, but I finally saved up enough to be safe to head back for a week or so. I really want to see you again.

I know what we agreed last time you were here, but I really need to see you. God, I sound like such a little faggot. This is actually embarrassing and you've seen every side of me.

Ha, I'm in Central Park and I just passed that spot where we almost got caught by NYPD fucking in the middle of the day. Remember that? I'm so glad you're able to really think on your feet at those moments. I would have gotten us thrown in jail.

I wish you were here right now. It's been a year, right? Yeah, it's been about an entire year since I've even talked to you. Since you won't answer any of my phone calls. Just once I wish you'd pick up. I know that you don't want to talk to me. Probably think I'm just some kid wanting all of your attention like when we first met. You hated me and couldn't even remember my name.

That first night. That night was so amazing with you. And every night that we had after that. I know you hate me saying this, but I really do still love you Brian. I'll never stop. Just because we didn't end up exchanging vows in front of all of our friends doesn't mean I didn't take one. Maybe we weren't meant to get married and have a family, but we were meant to love each other for the rest of our lives and I just wish that you'd pick up your mother fucking phone and talk to me! I know that you see it's me and don't answer. Trying to avoid me and be mean to me. It's never worked, Brian, and it's not going to start working now.

I know Michael is there to make sure you take care of yourself, for the most part, but you know that as soon as something traumatic and major happens to you I'm the only one that can help and you won't return my phone calls.

When I get to Pittsburg in a couple weeks you're not going to be able to avoid me. I will get you to talk to me."

"Voice mailbox full."

"Dammit," Justin cursed hitting the end call button on his iPhone. He hadn't said everything he needed to say during that call and now he'd have to wait at least twenty-four hours before Brian would erase the message and he could continue. He could try and call back, but there was no point. He couldn't leave a message and he knew Brian wasn't going to answer his call.



"Who was that," Michael asked bringing Brian another beer at Woody's.

Brian snapped out of his dazed state and back to Michael. "Uh, no one. Not important."

Brian listened to that voicemail twenty times before he forced himself to delete it. He missed Justin too, but it wasn't going to work with the two of them in different states.

In his half-drunk state Brian mindlessly dialed Justin's phone number and brought the phone to his ear.

"Justin Taylor. You know what to do."

"Hello," Brian started, "returning your call. I just spent my night with the happy married straight couple of Michael and Ben. I should be fucking some random hot piece of ass right now to get that image out of my head.

But since you seemed so upset that I hadn"t called back or we haven't talked in a while. God, I sound like a douche. And we agreed that we wouldn't try to hold onto what we needed to let go of.

You can't keep running back to your first fuck when there's a whole city of boys ready to get fucked or are willing to fuck you. Forget about me.

We had some great times. What a fucking cliche. We had some really amazing fucks. In numerous places including that time in Central Park where you were caught with your pants down.

And I know that just because we didn't say our vows doesn't mean we aren't still sticking to them. I've been following our original agreement since you left. Home by three. No names or numbers. Never the same guy twice. I haven't even kissed another man. It became habit and I just never went back, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't.

You're still a child and want so much out life. Things that I don't know if I can give you anymore. We had our chance and it passed when you moved. Yes, we had more great times together at The Plaza and Central Park. I almost moved my entire company, but then we might have both been unhappy.

If you try and hold on to what we had, even after all the shit we went through, you're going to miss out on life and you shouldn't do that. I told you I couldn't marry someone who compromised who they were just to be with me.

And Justin . . ."

"Voice mailbox full. If you are satisfied with your message please hang up. If you would like to re-record your message press pound. To delete your message press star."

Brian looked down at his phone for a moment then pressed star.

He couldn't confess all of that to Justin. He just couldn't. He still loved him more than he knew he could love in the first place, but he wasn't going to let him continue chasing him.