Chapter 14

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing.

J.M. Barrie

Justin was looking out the window as Brian's private jet flew over the Midwest. There wasn't much to look at really, as it was mostly flat, but Justin's mind worked in overdrive thinking of possible projects he could entertain himself with after the gallery showing on Tuesday.
First and foremost, he needed to find out what was in the files that his mother had so carefully kept away from him at the hospital. Hopefully it would lead him in the right direction.
Also, he needed to maintain as much of his routine as possible. Or what he had of one, anyway, so as not to draw attention to himself.
Daphne may or may not decide to help him, and if she didn't it was a fifty-fifty shot she would tattle on him if she thought he would end up hurting himself.
The good thing at this point, was that everyone seemed to believe he would just sit back and take orders while he knew Brian was not well.

Dammit all, I haven't fought to be by his side for seven fucking years, just to have him or anyone else keep me on the sidelines.
I don't care what kind of danger there is, I am going to find him, and stick to his ass like a barnacle.

Justin's thoughts were cut short by the ringing of his cellphone. He nodded his thanks to Caryn as she handed him his water, while answering Ted's call.

********************************

Everett had a security team waiting, in plain clothes, for their arrival. Cynthia either didn't notice or didn't care as she continued to give him the cold shoulder and grabbed her suitcase before he could help her, briskly walking to the airport exit. She had barely spoken to him and only about business since she had sought him out in New York.

Obviously she was pissed he had not had sex with her. Something akin to pain stabbed his heart as a throbbing picked up in his groin. There was no mistaking that he wanted her. Just as there was no mistaking that he wanted more from her. Now that he knew he was in love with her, having her as a fuck buddy wasn't going to cut it. He had had enough of those. He wanted all of her. Every feeling she had to give, every thought, every single piece, flaws and all.

Damn, but she was stubborn. He knew if she thought about it, she would get it. She was far from stupid. But watching her keep her distance (and struggling with it), he knew she already did and was unable, slash that, unwilling to admit it.

She kept herself so rigid the entire way to the hotel it was any wonder she didn't shatter into a million tiny pieces whenever they hit a pothole.

Everett finally gave up trying to engage her in conversation or even trying to get her to look at him.

************************************************

"Jen, you've been sitting in this chair for two hours staring out the window. You wanna tell me about it?" Tucker asked, as he took the seat nearest her. She didn't offer a response, just sipped her cold coffee and fiddled with her watch band.

"Are you worried about Justin?" Tucker immediately shook his head, "Stupid me, of course you worry about Justin. But this isn't about him because you would talk to me about it." Jennifer's lips pursed, like she wanted to talk, but still didn't say anything.

Tucker gave her a few moments then moved to stand behind her, placing both hands on her shoulders and gently kneading the muscles. Once she relaxed, he leaned in, placing a kiss on the shell of her ear. "If you can't talk to me about Brian, I understand. But you need to talk to someone. My suggestion is someone who already knows something about what is bothering you, so that you can get it off your chest, without breaking any confidences." He kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a supportive squeeze.

***************************************

Brian was having the most wonderful dream. He and Justin were all but fucking on the dancefloor at Babylon as the bass in the music thumped in his chest. BAMBAMBAM. There was no discernible space between the two of them as Brian gripped Justin's ass and hauled him up until his legs were wrapped around Brian's waist. BAMBAMBAM. The pulse of the music matched the throbbing in his dick when he ground himself... BAMBAMBAM!

Brian startled in his bed, only half awake, still hearing Babylon's music, a painful erection catching on the sheet as he stumbled from the bed. BAMBAMBAMBAM!
His brain only half processed that he was hearing someone knocking on the door downstairs and no one was answering it. Raking a hand through his hair (making it stick out at odd angles), and rubbing his bleary eyes, he made his way downstairs as the banging came again.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming. Where the fuck is everyone?" he muttered, reaching for the knob and flinging the door open.

He had expected to see...well he really didn't know what he expected to see, but the woman standing on the porch dressed in the latest fashion was definitely not it. He noticed immediately that she was sweating as she stepped across the threshold pulling her trunk behind her.

She gave him the once over, including his still standing erection. Sliding her sunglasses halfway down her nose revealing the most arresting green eyes he had ever seen, she placed a hand on her cocked hip and promptly said, "Thanks for the welcome, but maybe later. Right now I would like my room and a cold shower. Looks like you could use one too."

Brian still hadn't moved a muscle when Emmett hurried into the house to show their newest guest to her room.

***************************************

Ted let Justin into his office and invited him to sit it the chair in front of Brian's old desk next to Harry Pitts. Justin greeted the lawyer and asked after his family in an absent manner, betraying his confusion over the meeting. Taking his seat he crossed his legs and looked at Ted expectantly.

Ted got straight to the point, indicating that Harry should proceed. "Mr. Taylor," Ted was grinning from ear to ear, "Mr. Kinney left instructions for me to give this to you with his best regards." Harry handed him a small stack of papers stapled together with a red signature tab stuck to the last page. Justin read the first few paragraphs, shaking his head, not really understanding what he was reading.

Ted announced excitedly, "It's a gift! Brian picked it just for you."

Harry explained, "Mr. Kinney bought the domain name Rage.com. Once you sign the papers it becomes yours. As Mr. Schmidt said, it is a gift from him to you."

Justin gave him a half smile and signed his name. Upon completion, the lawyer handed him a small envelope with his name on it in Brian's distinctive scrawl. Harry stood and made his goodbyes as Justin opened the card. Harry was halfway out the door when Justin abruptly stopped him.

"When did he tell you to give this to me?" Justin sounded almost nervous.

Harry shrugged, "About two weeks ago. Why?"

"No reason." Justin murmured, clutching the card to his chest.

Harry left and Justin made a quick excuse to Ted about a lunch meeting as he put the documents into his messenger bag. Once on the street he hailed a cab and called Daphne for an emergency pow-wow with his best friend. By the time she agreed to drop everything and take the rest of the day off work he couldn't stop staring at the card. Giving the cabbie her address, he sat back and took a long slow breath before reading the card again.

April 24, 2005

Change The World.

With Love,

Brian hadn't signed his name but Justin recognized the writing. His heart hammered in his chest and his hands shook, making the plain white card flutter until the message blurred.

*****************************

Debbie was on her knees viciously scrubbing the worn out linoleum of the kitchen floor when Carl got home from work. Sighing to himself, he draped his coat over the arm of the couch and sat down to wait until she came up for air or exhausted herself.

"Not a fuckin word outta you, ya hear me?" She hadn't even paused.

Carl knew better than to say anything so he took his time removing his shoes and setting them neatly under the coffee table. It wasn't long before Debbie's mumbling took on more cohesive form and he began getting snippets of her thoughts like, "sonofabitch" and "hadta figure it'd come to this" and so forth. She shoved chairs away without looking up, methodically dunking her rag in a pail of water and scrubbing for all she was worth. "Fuckin piece of shit world" shaking her head she swiped at the baseboard by the refrigerator. "Why him, huh?" She rinsed the rag again and sat back on her haunches to remove the drawings from the bottom door of the fridge and set them on the table behind her. "Of all the shit moves life coulda given him, it had to be this one." She attacked the floor again. "It's just not fair I tell ya!" She ran the back of her sleeve across her face, suspiciously near her nose, and wiped at a new section of the floor. "Sure he's rich and fuckin arrogant, but he worked so hard for it. Went through so much to get it too!"
This time Carl heard the sob that followed and went to sit next to her on the wet floor, pulling her into his embrace and letting her cry it out.

****************************************

"No! I will absolutely NOT calm down! I have already talked to two representatives, an office manager and a supervisor, none of which have the authority to do a goddamn thing about my problem before transferring me to someone else to whom I have to explain the entire situation to again! Did they even bother giving you my contract information before passing me off to you? Of course not!"
Brian had gone upstairs to put on some pants and was now sitting on the end of his bed smoking and eavesdropping on the conversation SHE was having behind closed doors across the hall from his room. For the last ten minutes or so (basically since she arrived), she had been on the phone with the rental car company, trying to file a complaint and get a replacement vehicle. It had started off in tones he could hear but words he couldn't make out and quickly devolved into shouting as she became increasingly frustrated with the customer service team for having to repeat herself...repeatedly.

"I just fucking drove six hundred goddamn miles, in two hundred fucking degree blistering heat, because the sniveling idiot who did the pre-check on that piece of shit didn't bother to check the air conditioning or the heat. I would bet my fucking paycheck that that ass wipe drop out didn't even bother to turn the car on. To add insult to injury, when I stopped at one of your facilities in Raleigh, I was told that I couldn't even get a different car! The location manager wouldn't get his sleazy ass off his cum stained chair and confirm that there was a fucking malfunction before he offered to, and I quote, "check-up under MY HOOD! I am going to sue your fucking company until I wring every last slime-ball greasy dollar from it and then I am going to burn your fucking Raleigh car lot, with the fucking manager AND his stash of porn, all the way to the fucking ground!"

Brian tapped out his cigarette thinking she was nothing like her upper crust first impression. She swore like a sailor and fought like an alley cat. Christ, even he almost blushed at the litany of profanity she let loose before finally ending the call and slamming what could only be her bathroom door as he heard his toiletries clink from the reverberations through the shared wall. When he heard glass breaking on the tile he went into his bathroom to see which of his expensive anti-aging creams he would have to reorder. Except his floor was clean and everything was in its place. That was when he heard her swearing under her breath accompanied by the sound of wet glass scraping ceramic tile then being dumped in a metal trash can followed by an overwhelming cloud of fragrance. It was a pleasant smelling and exorbitantly priced essence oil Brian thought he recognized as being from somewhere in Indonesia.

His nose hairs were twitching and it was all he could do not to sneeze from the sheer volume. Using a towel to cover his nose and mouth he began looking for whatever was allowing him to have such perfect knowledge of what was transpiring. He found it low to the floor on the wall behind the toilet. It was an old fashioned cold air return for the heating system. Dropping to his knees, he did what he could to see what he could see. The nutmeg fragrance was even more powerful this close to the vent and as he peeked through the grate he watched the Manolos being kicked off quickly followed by very sheer, lace topped, thigh high hosiery and a nude hued garter belt. Given the limitations of the vent (about a ten inch square) he could only see her legs from just below her knees to the floor. Her skin was pale, though not as pale as Justin's, and her toenails were painted a deep red. As she moved about the space he caught glimpses of her calves and noted that they were muscled, but not heavily so. She moved out of range then and he heard the shower spray so he hauled his ass off the floor and back to his bed, not once acknowledging his role as a peeping tom.

*******************************

It seemed that eavesdropping was a decidedly Kinney trait as, at that moment, Gus was doing everything he could to remain quiet while his Mommies talked about him and his Daddy. They weren't arguing, which he always thought was good, but he most definitely did not like the subject they were discussing. They thought that he was playing a video game in his room with his headphones on, but Gus had discovered last year that when they offered to let him play video games, it was because they wanted to talk about something they didn't want him to overhear.

Therefore, when they did, he started up the game and put the headgear on until one of them closed his door. Then he would lie on the floor with his ear pressed to the two inch space at the bottom. So far they had not learned that they should shut their door as well, since he could hear just about everything they said.

"I just think that we should try to do this a little better than we did when we moved here is all I'm saying." Mommy was doing the voice that meant she was teaching a lesson, but trying to be nice about it.

"There is no telling how long it will take for both of us to get new jobs. Again. And our savings can barely cover the move, let alone any time with both of us not working." Gus could tell Mama was pacing since the volume of her voice changed the closer or farther she got from him. "And before you say Brian will pay, which I already know he would, don't you think we really need to get off the proverbial food truck? I mean, c'mon Linds, after we talked the other day and decided we were going to work harder on us as a team, don't you think continuing to let him provide a third of our income would be undermining the whole deal? He already has a much bigger stake in our lives than I would like anyone to have, and I will admit that his money made things a lot easier after we moved here. In fact, as opposed as he was to it, his generosity came as a shock. But if we do another move, and I am not saying I agree to it, but if we do, I think you are right and we really need to do a better job this go round. We need to have everything lined up before we go. Jobs, house, schools, the whole ball of wax. And while I have no problem with Brian paying for Gus' education, I really believe in my gut that we need to do everything we can to support ourselves without his "anonymous deposits"

He heard Mommy get off the bed as she said "How about we start putting out feelers? Make inquiries? Get a better grip on how long it might take?"

Mama sighed, "We haven't even been able to decide what school we want to send him to and that would determine the city we would be living in."

Mommy's voice went all sweet and falsely chipper, "How about I call galleries in your top choice city and my top choice city and see if I can get a job in either one? If it looks promising then you can see if any firms are hiring."

Gus didn't hear Mama say anything for a few moments and when Mommy asked what she wanted for lunch he knew the conversation was over. His tummy did a weird little flip, not because he was hungry, but because he knew he would be moving again and it was his own fault.

******************************

Ben and Michael each had an extension of the phone pressed to their ears as they talked to Hunter.

"So when you come home for Thanksgiving you are gonna hafta tell us all about your new girlfriend." Michael's exuberance was somewhat over the top, but he really wanted Hunter to know how accepting he was.

Ben refrained from rolling his eyes but couldn't quite keep his brows in check as he did his best not to laugh outright. "Hey, I thought you might like to come to the center with me and check out some of the renovations that are finally finished. The library is done and so are a couple of the classrooms and the auditorium. Maybe even sit in on one of the support groups I lead and let me know if I'm cool boring or just plain old boring."

Michael did roll his eyes as Hunter gave them a noncommittal answer. "Ma wants to have everyone over, but I keep telling her she doesn't have enough space anymore, so Ben and I have been looking for someplace else to have it. Emmett's been real busy lately so it's been left to us non-party planners to pick up the slack. In fact, he said he is so busy he might not even make it for Thanksgiving at all."

Hunter suspiciously didn't say anything to that causing Ben's smile to tighten and his head to tip down. "And this is where you tell us you're not coming home for Thanksgiving."

"It's not that I don't want to," Hunter offered quickly, not wanting to hurt their feelings, "it's just that Cherie's family invited me to their house for the holiday and they only live a couple hours away from here, and well..." His words trailed off, unable to come up with any other viable excuse.

Michael looked disappointed and wasn't hiding it well so Ben said, "It is okay, we understand. You are not a kid anymore and you are in a new relationship. We promise not to be too upset if you promise you will come home for Christmas...no excuses."

Hunter snickered "Sure, Dude, whatever makes you happy." Then he hung up the phone. No doubt to call his girlfriend and let her know the deed was done.

As Michael hung up his phone, he said "What would make me happy, is finding out what the fuck happened that he doesn't want to come home anymore."
Ben hugged him, pressing their bodies close together swaying slightly as he whispered in Michael's ear, "Sex, lots and lots of sex."

*************************************

Debbie had finished in the kitchen after she cried herself out and Carl went outside to rake leaves and fill the birdfeeders. She moved on to dusting her menagerie of glass and ceramic doodads. She hadn't been at it very long before Jennifer knocked on the door, took one look at her still blotchy face and exclaimed, "Jesus, Debbie, what the hell happened?"

Debbie waved her Swiffer duster and can of Pledge, "Dusting has my allergies all messed up" she said as she led Jennifer to the living room. Glancing around and noticing the pristine kitchen, perfectly arranged throws and decorative pillows, and Carl's marked absence, Jennifer crossed her arms over her chest.

"Uh huh." Jennifer was unconvinced. "How about we sit down and tell each other why we are both so upset and see if we can come up with a solution?"

Debbie stopped dusting, letting her arms fall dejectedly to her hips. "Is it really that fucking obvious?"

Jennifer just gave her sarcastic look, grabbed her shoulders and steered her to the kitchen table. She wasn't sure how to bring up what she wanted to talk about so she started a pot of coffee while Debbie told her about her meltdown on the kitchen floor.

**********************************

All three agents, Emmett and Lulah were sitting in the great room at the back of the lodge when the newcomer finally came downstairs and sought them out. They had been discussing her unorthodox arrival/welcome and whether or not she would stay or turn tail and run.

"I apologize for my rude behavior," Her voice from the doorway had all heads turning her direction. "I had a terrible drive down here and I'm afraid I didn't make a very good first impression. I hope you will forgive me and allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jane Seymour and I am here to help Mr. Kinney."

Emmett was the first to stand and offer a handshake. He introduced himself and the others as he led her into the room and sat her in the chair he had vacated. Lara smiled hugely at the difference in her appearance. Gone were the designer labels and in their place were well-worn and comfortable clothes perfectly suited to their rural surroundings right down to her broken in hiking boots. She noted the lack of make-up and the simple, easy to care for, pixie haircut.

This one is quite the chameleon; she thought to herself and saw a mirroring flicker in Lulah's eyes as well.

"Jane Seymour? Like the wife of Henry the VIII?" Noah asked.

She flushed to the roots of her dark mahogany hair then nodded before she began to speak, "My mother was..."

"Margery Wentworth." Brian said from the doorway and Lulah snickered.

Jane stood and watched as he prowled into the room holding an unlit cigarette in his hand. She smiled "Mr. Kinney, please accept my apologies for my behavior on my arrival..."

Brian waved it off, cocking his head to the side with a smirk, "I think I like you better when you're swearing Doc. Besides, sorry is bullshit."

She was already shaking her head, "I think there may be a misunderstanding Mr. Kinney, I am not a doctor of any kind."

Curious looks flew around the room but no one commented, not sure how Brian would react to this news. Brian's eyebrows drew together when he asked, "You were sent by Dr. Anders?"

At her nod he continued, "But you, yourself, are not, in fact, a doctor."

She shook her head, chewing slightly on her bottom lip. Brian's face split into a wide grin as he looped his good arm through hers and steered her towards the front door, "Well then, Lady Jane, let's you and I take a turn about the courtyard."

***************************************

Justin was pacing around Daphne's apartment when she hurried in, stripping her outerwear in a tizzy. Justin rushed to her, waving the card in her face demanding that she tell him what it meant while simultaneously not holding it still enough for her to read. Rolling her eyes, she finally managed to grapple his wrist long enough to pluck the card from fingers and carry it with her to the kitchen while she scrounged for something to drink.

"Jesus, Justin, will you calm the fuck down already! Give me a minute, I just ran an entire block! I couldn't find a closer parking space." She stuck her right arm and most of her head into the refrigerator digging for a bottle of water she knew had to be in there somewhere.

"God! Daph, would you just read it already!" Justin was rolling up and down on the balls of his feet, not quite wringing his hands together when she felt the top of the water bottle brush her fingers. Snagging her quarry, she pulled it off the shelf and glanced down at the card. Her quick movements slowed as her brain processed the writing and she carefully set the bottle on the counter unopened. Flipping the card over to the back then closing it, and eventually rereading the content a couple more times she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Justin growled in frustration, balling his fists, he brought them to his face pressing his fingers into the flesh under his eyes and pulled down until he looked like a melting wax figure.

"What do you think it means? God I'm sooo confused right now!" Justin plodded to the couch and threw himself bodily down its length and heaved a dramatic sigh while covering most of his face with his forearm.

"Drama much?" Daphne muttered as she scrutinized the card again. "So what part of this has you the most freaked out right now?"

Justin peeked out from under his arm, "Huh?"

"Well," she plunked her butt onto the coffee table so she could be near Justin's head while she explained. "The fact that he said change the world seems pretty straightforward to me, though it is a tall order, even for you. Is it because he didn't sign it? I mean, he handed it to you, so it's not like you don't who it is from. I think it is sweet that he signed it love though. Pretty big step for Brian, but considering he wrote this the day before your "non-wedding" it is not completely out of character. I wonder why he waited so long to give it to you though."

Justin snatched it from her hand and looked at it again. "Two and a half years?! What the fuck!"

Daphne shook her head. Justin had obviously not picked up on the date and the queen out was over the message. Shit! Realizing this was going to be bigger than she originally thought, she shoved his legs off the couch and sat next to him. "So what was the gift?"

"Huh?"

"The gift?" she asked. Justin looked confused. She poked him in the ribs, "The gift the card was attached to? Your wedding present?"

Justin paled. Digging through his messenger bag on the coffee table he pulled out the paperwork Harry had had him sign at Kinnetik. He checked the documents for the original purchase date and groaned when he found that it was almost a year before the card was written. Showing it to his best friend then explaining how he had acquired them left them both unsure of their meaning.

**********************************

"It just finally hit me, ya know, just how really awful it coulda been." Debbie was sitting across from Jennifer, head bobbing as she emphasized her words.

Jennifer could understand. "When Justin was in the hospital, I was so glad that it hadn't been worse, but my mind kept tripping over the fact that he could have died. I was caught somewhere between elation and grief. I would have these wide mood swings and the guilt was almost crushing."

"What on earth would you have to feel guilty about?"

"I'm a mom, Debbie. Guilt comes with the job." Jennifer sipped her coffee.

Debbie's brows drew together. "Care to explain that to me?"

Jennifer shrugged, "You know, guilt that I wasn't more supportive when he came out. Guilt that his Dad was such a shit and it took me so long to leave him. Guilt that I wasn't there to protect him, stop it from happening."

"Christ! You sound just like Brian." Debbie said shaking her head. "There was not a goddamn thing you could have done differently that would have changed what happened to that boy! We were all upset about what happened but what's done is done and there ain't nothin' gonna change that." Debbie's bracelets rattled as she wagged her finger emphatically.

"I know." Jennifer conceded. "Actually Debbie, Brian is the reason I came here."

"Oh?" Debbie hoped she wasn't going to be put in a position to lie to her friend, but she knew she would have to be careful what she said after Carl's warning about sharing information about his case.

"I don't know if you know, but he made me his medical power of attorney. While he was in the hospital this last time, some things came up," Jennifer shook her head. "Actually I had suspected for quite a while, but his admittance and what I was privy to pretty much confirmed it for me."

Debbie just watched as Jennifer struggled with her own thoughts until finally blurting "I need you to tell me everything you know about him before he and Justin met."

"I do, huh? You sure you want to know? Cuz once I tell you, ya can't unhear it." Debbie's brows rose, waiting for Jennifer's answer.

Staring into her cup, Jennifer figured it was now or never. She had to know everything there was to know if she was going to have any hope of understanding what made Brian who he was. The glimpses she had had over the years and most especially the broken and lonely man she tried to comfort in the hospital all but begged for help. What she had seen for herself was how neatly and methodically everyone, Brian included, had swept things under the rug. No one admitting there was a problem or if it stared them in the face, they managed to chalk it up to something else like his personality or lifelong idiosyncrasies. Well, she was done with that. It was unhealthy and just plain wrong. Brian could have his share of the blame for that, he had his own reasons, but there was no excuse for people that supposedly cared about him.

"I already know he was abused, Debbie, and how bad it really was from his medical records."

Debbie's face drained of color as she sucked in a shaky breath. "If you know, then what do you want from me?"

Jennifer squared her slight frame and looked at the redhead directly. "I want you to tell me everything you saw with your own eyes and everything he, or anyone else, may have told you about his past."

"Well, is that all?" Debbie's sarcasm made Jennifer smile.

**********************************************

Brian quietly contemplated his companion as they sat on the large, cushioned, freestanding glider near the back edge of the clearing. She hadn't said anything as he led to the swing nor did she seem uncomfortable with his silence. Lighting his cigarette, he took the time to assess what he could about her.

Now that she was in regular shoes she barely came to his shoulder. Without the height to lend proportion, she was much fuller of body than she had first appeared. Her very short, dark hair gave an onlooker no choice but to keep coming back to her eyes. When he first saw them they had been bright, glittering green, but now were lighter and flecked with brown and gold. Dark lashes and full brows made her face seem even more doll-like next to the fair and even skin. Her clothes were department store but fit well. Her jeans hugged curves he hadn't noticed when she arrived and she was far more blessed in her bosom, shown by a low scooped tank, and could not be hidden by the faded button down denim shirt she had pulled on over it.

"A penny for your thoughts." she said, as she tipped her head back to rest on the back of the swing and pushed with her foot to set them in motion.

"I was just thinking that you are a master deceiver." He said it with no small amount of admiration as he offered her his cigarette.

Her eyes narrowed, briefly, then she took it from him and sucked in a long drag, holding it in and savoring it, visibly relaxing before blowing out a neat stream of smoke and handing it back. He waved her off and she tilted her head in thanks as she drew on it again. "How did you know I smoke?"

Brian turned so he was partially facing her, drawing his left leg onto the glider and leaving only his bare right foot on the ground to continue their swinging. When I came into the great room your eyes went directly to my hand, then when I lit it, you inhaled as if you were doing it."

"I hardly think that makes me a deceiver, Mr. Kinney." she taunted as she blew out more smoke.

"Brian, please." he said. She nodded, waving her hand for him to continue. "What makes you a deceiver, Lady Jane, is the fact that you use your clothes as a weapon." When she didn't bother to deny it he followed with, "you use them to control what people think about you. You let them assume what they will."

She smiled at him then, the first he had seen on her, and it crinkled the corners of her eyes and transformed her face from girl next door pretty, to something else altogether. She was beautiful. Not runway model beautiful, but very alluring, open and child-like with humor. Brian's gut clenched. Suddenly he didn't feel quite so smart. Like maybe, maybe, she had just played him. His forehead wrinkled with the beginnings of anger when she let out a guffaw of laughter and tossed her finished cigarette to the ground.

"Before you bite my head off, let us at least acknowledge the fact that you did it too. By deliberately calling me by a name I can't stand then escorting me out here you isolated me from your entourage so you could put me in my place."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

She laughed again, setting his belly on edge.

"Add to that, you wanted me uncomfortable so you used a decided lack of clothing to do so, even though you had to know that I know you are gay. You are apparently well aware of the fact that you are attractive to females regardless of your preferences. Who's using appearances to control others now? I mean, really Brian, what kind of ad man would you be if you couldn't do that?"

Sensing no subterfuge from her, he decided he kinda liked her forthright manner with him and gave her a genuine smile. When she returned it, he fished his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and offered her another which she accepted without hesitation. After lighting her, then his own, he asked "So how does this work?"

She didn't miss the slight catch in his voice that let her know he was more uncomfortable with her reason for being there than he had let on.

"I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you it will be easy, because it is not. In fact, some of the other people I have gone through this with have told me it was the hardest thing they have ever done. Every single one of them has told me that they hated me at one point or another and meant it. But if you really want to move past this, it is imperative that you trust what I am doing. I won't ask you to trust me, personally, because I have given you no reason to do that yet, but you have to trust that this can and has worked. I will directly reciprocate whatever time and attention you give to this. Therefore, if you work hard at it, so will I. If you don't, I am out of here, because someone else will. I don't have time for half-ass."

Brian could respect that, since for most professionals time equaled money. Speaking of which, "What's your hourly rate?" He wasn't sure why he asked that, maybe to see if he could piss her off?

"There is no charge, not the way you are thinking of it anyway. My time is your time, whenever and wherever that may be. This means, if you need me at lunchtime or the middle of the night that is when you get me. I only ask for the hour between eight and nine in the evening for myself."

Brian was surprised at that but could think of nothing to say. They sat companionably for several minutes and he cautiously lowered his guard enough to allow him to "read" her surface. Oddly enough, she didn't present a very colorful aura. Just a shimmering edge, like a mirage or heat wave from hot pavement. He had never come across anything like it before and it left him somewhat unsure as he closed himself up again.

"I only have one rule." She waited until he was looking her in the eye, and then said in all seriousness, "Complete honesty. With me and yourself. You will answer every question that I ask you and I will return the favor."

Brian's mouth fell partly open, "That doesn't sound like therapy. I thought shrinks were supposed to pick your brain while sitting behind big desks and judging your every word and telling you it was all because your mom didn't give you enough attention when you were a baby."

She smiled again, patting his knee this time, "Then I guess it is a good thing I am not a shrink, because that is completely asinine. For whatever reason, we all make our own pain, our own walls, and our own genius. I am just here to help you figure it all out and help you find your own truth."

Brian felt something crack inside of him. Something shifted, rubbed a tender spot that sent something else loose that ricocheted around in his being then set off light everywhere it touched. "How does this..." he gestured with his hand between them, "work?"

Her face softened, became almost serene, when she said "If I cannot teach you to fly, I will teach you to sing."

Brian recognized the light he felt growing inside him...as hope.

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