Chapter 20

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...or forgetful.

J.M. Barrie

Brian savored the silence in his head. An all too often rare occurrence since his attacks started a year ago. For now, he drifted in the quietude, leaning back into Justin's embrace, allowing the post-coital petting and cuddling he usually stifled. Justin was making happy sounds as his hands caressed and his arms hugged to his heart's content.

Brian slowed his breathing, enjoying the complete relaxation in his limbs and the absence of anything but his lassitude.

It wasn't long before Justin broke into his bliss. "The condom." he said, kissing Brian's shoulder blade.

Brian leaned forward, lifting himself, as Justin held the condom and pulled out. Brian moved in the bed until he was half reclining against the pillows and lit a cigarette as Justin scooted off the bed and went into the bathroom.

Brian heard him pee and flush the toilet. Justin was washing his hands and wetting a cloth to clean himself up when he said, "God! It smells so good in here. Like a bakery or something."

Brian grinned, "It's Jane's perfume."

Justin came back with the cloth, climbed onto the bed and began cleaning Brian. "What's it doing in your bathroom? You have a new kink I should know about?"

Brian used his thumb and pinkie finger to pluck at the faint hair on Justin's knee. "It's here because it's our room."

Justin's hands stilled, his head shaking in subconscious denial. "I don't understand."

Brian pointed, "That is her dresser, with her clothes in it. Those are her toiletries in the bathroom and her toothbrush. Those are her pillows and that is her side of the bed you are sitting on, where she sleeps every night with me. Is that clear enough for you?"

Tears welled in Justin's eyes as he shot off the bed and threw the washcloth into the bathroom. He refused to let the tears fall as he rounded on Brian, demanding answers.

"Did you have sex with her?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God! You're fucking her?!"

"No."

Justin put his hands on his naked hips, eyebrows raised, waiting for Brian to elaborate. When no answer was forthcoming he shot out an emphatic hand, pointing at the offending side of the bed. "She sleeps here."

"Yes."

"With you."

"Yes."

"Every fucking night."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want her here, with me, in this bed, every night she is in this house."

Justin slashed the back of his hand over his face, wiping the escaped tear away. "Okay." he said, putting on his pants and trying to put on his shoes while standing on one foot.

"Where are you going?" Brian wondered how many times he was going to have to ask that question over the rest of his life.

Justin wondered how many times he had heard Brian ask him that question in the course of their relationship. "I'm leaving."

Brian sat up, panicking, intending to start a conversation and explain, but stopped himself when Justin turned for the door, yanking on his shirt as he went down the steps.

Molly pushed her plate away. She was stuffed. Emmett had made her a huge ham sandwich and pasta salad. He stuck his hand in a picnic basket and withdrew a puppy, handing it to her with a bottle from the counter. Molly fed Ella on her lap while Emmett did the same with Duke.

Lara walked through the kitchen, her usually impassive face screwed into lines of worry as she headed to her room.

"They've been up there for a while. Do you think Brian is really pissed that we came here?" Molly asked him.

Emmett didn't look at her, keeping his focus on the dog. "Sweetie, I think Brian has something else on his mind right now."

Justin stumbled blindly past the archway of the kitchen to the front door, struggled for a minute getting it open and flung the screen door out of his way as he ran off the porch, letting it slam behind him as he fumbled for his car keys.

Jane glanced at her watch and saw that she had been gone for nearly two hours and it was approaching the time Emmett had said dinner would be done. From the looks of things, she would be eating by herself, since it would take at least another forty-five minutes to get Dandy rubbed down before she could go inside. She was hoping that fate would smile on her and they would all still be at the table when she got there so she could go upstairs and quietly remove the things she would need for the night from their room and move them to one of the smaller, vacant bedrooms.

She was crossing the side yard, Marc walking towards her, heading Dandy to the barn, when the slamming screen door got both of their attention. They saw as Justin shot off the porch wiping his face, and watched as he got into the rental, whipping it around and taking off down the road.

"Shit!" Marc said, digging in his pocket for keys and coming up empty.

Jane realized immediately what the problem was. "Give me your gun."

"What?"

"Adversa in pace. Remember? Give me your fucking gun."

Marc pulled it from the holster, checked the safety, and handed it up to her, grip first. Jane stuck it in the back of her jeans and kicked Dandy into a run, chasing after the rental car.

Justin's speed was somewhat limited, given the condition of the road. Being just a rutted track in the grass kept him from the satisfaction of racing away in a huff. His window was down so he had no trouble hearing the hoof beats thundering up behind his vehicle.

Seeing Jane, his anger pushed him to force the accelerator a little harder and the car lurched forward, shaking and vibrating from the rough terrain. The big horse caught up with him, paced him, and Jane hollered, "Stop the car."

"No. I'm leaving." Justin yelled back.

"What about your sister?"

"I will call her later and someone can drive her back to the hotel in Jackson."

"Brian was right...you are an over-emotional twat. Stop the car!"

"Fuck him. Fuck YOU! Oh wait, he already did that. Fuck off!"

"Stop the Goddamn car and talk to me like an adult, or I will stop it for you and you can walk back to your precious fucking hotel, you fucking coward."

"What did you call me?"

"Need I repeat?"

Her words rubbed him raw and he rolled up his window, ignoring any further comments from her. He was pleased when he saw Jane got the message and shot ahead of him, taking the curve in the road at top speed. Justin was congratulating himself for getting rid of her, when he rounded the bend and had to stop.

Jane had halted Dandy and had him standing sideways in the lane, blocking Justin's only means of escape in the car. He figured two could play that game and revved the engine, making his intents clear.

Dandy danced in place, one big hoof pawing the ground. He had become accustomed to racing the yellow truck and was looking forward to another bout. Justin crept the car forward, figuring Jane would not allow the horse to be hurt, and would get out of the way.

He was wrong. Dandy stayed put and Jane pulled the gun, pointing it straight at Justin, making him slam on the brake.

She wouldn't dare, he thought, moving his foot back to the accelerator and edging the car forward.

Jane took aim and shot the front tire on Justin's side of the car.

He shoved it into park and flung himself out of the door, leaving it hanging open. "Oh that's really mature!" he yelled at her and pulled the lever to release the trunk.

Jane waited until he had wrestled the spare tire to the front, looking past him as he came back with the jack. Marc had parked the Suburban about ten yards back on the road and was leaning against the hood watching the show with keen interest.

Justin was fuming, muttering to himself, as he set up the jack. When he had raised the car up just enough for the, now flat, tire to have the weight taken off, Jane shot the opposite tire. Justin's hands flew in the air as he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Are you Fucking Crazy?!"

Jane put the safety on the gun and tucked it back into her waistband. Her voice was calm when she replied, "Absolutely certifiable and I have the pills to prove it." She kicked Dandy into a trot and leaned into the jump as he leapt onto the car, his steel shod hooves and massive weight caving the engine cover, roof, and trunk lid as he stomped his way over the top, shattering the front and back windows. When he was on solid ground again, Jane nudged him into a canter and rode away in the direction of the setting sun.

Marc considered himself to be a simple man. Years of service in war torn countries taught him that strife often led to unsavory things and he did his best to avoid it in his daily life. When Everett had hired him, he had been assured that his duties would be mostly run of the mill security and protective guard.

He didn't feel like he was doing that now.

Now he felt like he was babysitting, as he silently watched Justin fume and pace around his destroyed rental car, muttering and waving his arms in a heated discussion with himself.

To Marc's way of thinking, Justin had been let off easy. Jane's temper was well known and Marc had followed as quickly as he had been able, to deter what he had assumed was going to be and ugly confrontation. When he had parked the truck and gotten out so she could see him, he had briefly wondered if she would follow through and shoot the blonde, she had looked so angry.

He should have remembered Jane had a cooler head than that, even with a raging head of steam. Marc had almost let a chuckle loose when she had waited for Justin to start replacing the flat before making him another one. The icing on the cake had been Dandy's crushing of the car. Justin's face had gone from anger, to shock, to fear, then back again.

Marc was pretty sure Jane had made her point. There would be no leaving Brian until Justin grew a pair of balls and talked to her.

Marc settled in to wait as Justin continued to fume and pace in the road.

Jane checked the time on her watch as she filled the horses' feed and bedded them for the night. Looking around, she realized there was nothing left for her to do in the barn with which to stall her confrontation with Brian. Sucking it up, she gave each of the horses a rub on the nose as she passed each of their stalls and headed back to the house.

It was full dark and she wanted nothing more than a shower and her bed, until she realized she had yet to get her things and move them to a different room. Deciding to do it with as little fuss a possible, she opened the door of the lodge and stepped in.

She was passing the archway to the kitchen and noticed everyone was still at the table, silently eating dinner. They all looked at her expectantly until she noticed that Marc and Justin were missing. Brian seemed stoic, unconcerned, while he ate a bite of chicken.

Then his eyes met hers and she could tell how miserable he was. The hazel was dark with worry and questions, asking her if Justin was still here, if he was okay, if she was okay.

"Shit." she muttered. Jane said his name, tilting her head in the direction of the stairs and all eyes turned to him when he rose from his chair and led the way up.

Jane was careful not to slam the door like she wanted to, instead she turned the knob while she closed it, insuring it made no sound. She stood facing it, her forehead braced on the cool wood, trying to calm her racing heart and ragged breathing. "Why did you tell him?"

Brian leaned against the door next to her, upset that she wasn't looking at him, and not wanting to have this conversation. He lit a cigarette, his arm brushing hers in what seemed a casual accident, but was really much more.

"Answer the damn question." she demanded.

Brian took his time, trying to put into words something he wasn't sure he understood himself. "He asked me why your things were in here and I told him...we share this room because...I want you in here."

Jane's shoulders slumped and she turned her head so he couldn't even see the side of her face anymore, just the back of her head. Brian went on, "He asked me if I had sex with you and...I wouldn't lie about it. He got upset, asked me if I was fucking you and I said no."

Jane pressed her body to the wall, crossing her arms over her waist, then faced him. "Do you have any idea, how that made me feel?"

Brian had a pretty good idea. "Angry...betrayed..." his voice dropped an octave, became a scratchy croak, "dirty...ashamed."

Jane took a deep breath, doing her best to keep her emotions in check, Brian watching her struggle, wishing she would yell at him, hit him, curse him, anything to take the look of disappointment from her face.

"I'm sorry." It fell out of his mouth unbidden, but he acknowledged to himself that he meant it anyway.

"I know."

Her simple statement, her understanding, let him off the hook and he wondered that it could be so easy with her. How could she forgive him so quickly when he knew just how much it had cost her?

He moved to the side table and put out his cigarette, still feeling like he owed her an explanation. "After we..." he paused.

"Fucked?" Jane supplied.

"Mmm" Brian assented. "He went into the bathroom. To clean up. It suddenly hit me what he did, by coming here. I was angry that he took the risk. I was scared of what could have happened."

Jane nodded, the risks Justin had taken had repercussions for everyone involved.

"I realized I was also angry because he had intruded on something that I wanted to keep for myself. His presence here would change that, had already changed it the moment he drove up."

Jane covered her face with her hands, not allowing Brian to see her. "I know."

Brian was sure she did. Jane was no dummy. "I needed him to leave and you were convenient. I didn't want to explain, but I was ready to try, and he walked out. I wondered how many times I'm going to have to watch him do that."

Jane's hands dropped and she stuck her fingers in her pockets, not letting him move his gaze from hers. "He didn't do it on his own. You pushed him."

Brian's lips rolled in. He nodded.

"He has to stay now. At least for a while, until arrangements can be made and your security is assured." Jane pushed from the wall and walked to stand in front of him, tilting his head down with her hands as she looked up into his face. "Tomorrow is the holiday. I think staying through the weekend should be sufficient, but I will discuss my opinions with your team. Now I will go make nice with your young man and get him to come back. It will be your job to make it up to him, the right way."

Brian closed his eyes, knowing it was going to be one of the hardest discussions with Justin he had ever had. Jane wasn't going to let him hide and he knew it. "If you need help, I'm here. But I won't do it for you. You love him. It is important that you tell him."

Brian knew exactly what she was talking about and cringed at the thought of telling Justin about his childhood. Jane pressed her lips to his in support until he opened his eyes a few moments later, letting her in. He hugged her and she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to give him what courage she could.

Then she stepped away, a glimmer of mirth sparkling in her face. "By the way, you're going to have to pay for a new car at the rental company. I kinda destroyed it. To...you know...keep him from leaving."

Brian's bark of a laugh followed her down the steps, easing the pain in her chest.

Marc wished he had a stiff drink in his hand. Justin had finally stopped pacing and fuming about fifteen minutes ago and now sat dejectedly leaning against the crumpled rental, his knees pulled up into his chest as he drew pictures with his finger in the dirt.

"You can leave me here, you know. I'm not a child needing to be babysat." Justin said, not looking Marc's way.

"Well if you weren't acting like a big baby, I might consider going back and getting the meal I've missed, but here you are." Marc didn't care if he hurt the younger man's feelings. Justin had been stupid to come here in the first place and even more stupid to think he could just tear out of there without letting anyone know or making sure he was safe about it.

"I'm not a baby." Justin retorted testily.

"Okay. How does hormonal teenager sound? That more your style?"

Justin snorted impatiently. "You can go. Your job is to protect Brian, not sit in the dark with me."

Marc reached into the cab and flipped on the headlights, bathing the area in light and walking over to squat in front of him. "See, that's where you're wrong, kid. Brian has a contract with Everett for security details on everyone he cares about, around the clock. Your being here just made you my problem."

"You can go Marc." It was Jane's voice coming from the darkness behind the Suburban. She stepped into the field of light, "I made this particular mess. I will do what I can to clean it up."

Marc stood, searching her face for whatever he could find that would give an indication of her emotional state. All he could see was the lines around her eyes were deeper and she looked really tired. Weary. Resigned.

"You sure about this Jane?" His concern was not lost on Justin as she nodded and Marc walked off, heading back to the lodge.

Jane waited until he had been gone long enough to be out of earshot, then she slid down next to Justin in the dirt. "Sorry about your car." she said, rapping her knuckles on the metal of the frame by their heads. "I couldn't let you leave. He would have spent all his time worrying about you and it could derail the progress he's worked so hard for."

"I could sue you, you know. For sleeping with a patient." Justin said it politely, but the threat was unmistakable.

Jane laughed, a full throated, belly laugh that had tears trickling down her face. "I don't know if I should be pissed or glad that this is just about jealousy." she said shaking her head and wiping at her face.

"I'm not jealous!"

"Sure you are." Jane moved to sit in front of him. "Your jealous because I obviously have a relationship with him and you think it threatens yours. Brian's admission that we had sex, if you want to call it that, destroyed the box you put him in. The lothario, the passionate lover, the stud, the non-conformist, no longer the superhero righting the wrongs in your world. He just became human for you."

Justin looked away, not admitting to any of it. Jane touched his leg, waiting until he turned back to her.

"What you don't realize, because you didn't stick around for an explanation, is that he is still all of those things. In fact, it is because he is those things, that he did what he did. I was in a difficult situation, shortly after coming here, and presented a way for both of us to achieve a level of satisfaction. Being a lothario, or stud, made the offer easy for him, to accept it for what it was. A release. The non-conformist box still fits, because he did it with me, a woman, though why it should matter is beyond me, since I'm fairly confident you haven't stuck with just men in your life either, for whatever the reason."

Justin had the grace to blush at that, but kept his lips tightly closed.

"It's the superhero part that fits what we did the best though. Brian recognized a trauma I had suffered and as a way to right a wrong, help me recover a more balanced mental state, let me use his body in an effort to give me some control. He is a very passionate man, about many things, but what we did wasn't about that. It was about reassurances and support. I'm sure you have seen him use that tactic before. Communication through physical means is a big part of who he is, given his lack of trust in words."

Justin opened his mouth and Jane cut him off. "As for suing me, you are welcome to try. I don't hold a license anywhere, he is not my patient, and consensual sex between adults is hardly grounds for a lawsuit. I am a friend trying to help someone I care about make it through a difficult situation of mental instability by teaching him better coping skills. Now get up and move your ass. I'm tired, hungry and need a shower."

She grabbed his elbow and helped haul him to his feet, then flipping off the lights and removing the key from the Suburban, setting off on the hike for home.

Justin wanted to make his stance clear and tugged on her arm until she stopped and faced him. "I love him. Have loved him my entire adult life."

Jane nodded understanding. "I want what is best for him."

When she turned to resume walking, Justin's hand on her sleeve stopped her again. His face was set in stubborn lines when he said, "He loves me, Jane."

She smiled brightly at him, green eyes dancing, even in the dark, "Which is exactly why I shot the car, and not you."

Marc followed the pair, on foot, from the tree line, and out of their sight to keep an eye on them. Justin was asking Jane about Brian's illnesses and Jane was doing her best to educate him without revealing anything Brian had confided in her. Justin picked up on her refusal to tell him anything specific without Brian's knowledge and switched to more general questions about his therapy and how she was treating it.

Jane gave him the barest basics, then asked how Justin was holding up while Brian was away. "I mean, besides the whole, risk everyone's lives in the process of coming here, thing." she said, politely.

Justin stopped walking and Marc drew his radio to his mouth in case he needed backup.

"I love him. I had to see him, make sure he was okay." He said it as if it was something even a small child could understand and Jane just stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

Then she tsked, shaking her head in disappointment. "You know, Justin, I have one rule with the people that I help, and that is complete honesty. With me and themselves. Even though I wasn't sure about how serious he was about being treated in the beginning, Brian has been stellar in the honesty department. He has admitted to a lot of things some might call questionable behavior, but he at least admits his real motivations, even if he isn't proud of them. So, how about you just tell me that you came here, risking not only your life but all of ours as well, including the life of the man you love, to make sure you got rid of me, and barring that, to put me in my place and make sure Brian didn't forget about you."

"That's not why..." he started.

"Don't lie to me. If you really came here to make sure he was okay, then our little romp in the yard wouldn't have driven you over the deep end. You would have taken it at face value and been happy for him. Two people enjoying a good time, though I had the motivation of getting him to take a break after pushing himself so hard. But you didn't wait for that explanation."

"He dragged me insi..."

"You made it perfectly clear what you thought by your tone of voice when you said his name, worse, you slept with him anyway. Why did you do that? Why didn't you insist on getting your questions answered first? Could it be because you wanted his focus elsewhere, so he didn't call you out on showing up here? Do you have any idea, how fucking terrified he is right now?"

"But nobody can hurt him here, he has guards, security." Justin insisted.

"Do you even know him at all? He's not scared for himself you fucking twat, he is scared for you." Jane took off at a steady jog, determined to get a meal and some of her clothes moved. It was only seven p.m. but she thought she just might fall asleep standing up.

Brian stood from the swing the moment Jane entered the clearing. He met her at the top of the porch steps where she held up a hand for silence and went into the house. Brian followed, leaning in the archway of the kitchen while she made a sandwich and carried it upstairs.

He was torn. He wanted to know if Justin was coming back, but Jane obviously didn't want to talk. He was uncomfortable for putting her in the position of mediator, especially after making her the interloper. He pulled the radio from his hip and called Noah.

"Where is Justin?"

"Marc said he just went into the barn and is wandering around, looks like it may be a while before he comes inside."

"Anything I should know about?"

"You'd have to call Marc, he didn't say much to me about it, other than she killed the car." Noah's statement was followed up with a chuckle of good humor and a dose of respect. "Remind me to not piss her off in the future, eh Kinney."

"Right. Let me know when he heads this way."

"Sure thing, Boss."

Brian switched to Marc's channel, then decided to clear the air with Jane first. He clipped the radio to his back pocket and headed up the stairs.

She was moving around the bedroom, tossing some things into a laundry basket and eating at the same time, ignoring his presence when he sat on the bed and lit a cigarette.

"Talk to me Jane. Tell me what I can do to fix this." Brian was at a loss.

Jane was already shaking her head and started talking around the food in her mouth as she threw pajamas into the basket. "I agreed to get him to come back. I've done that. You have to fix it with him. He sees me as competition, though I am the furthest thing from it."

"I will explain it to him." Brian offered.

"Yeah? What are you going to say? Hey, by the way, she and I both had traumatic childhoods that make us so fucked up it is easier to sleep with somebody than be alone with ourselves. That we desperately seek approval from others while not feeling anything but loathing for their conformist values because we would do anything to just be normal? Normal, a word that incites fear and anxiety and longing? I know, how about you tell him that we do the things we do, even at risk to ourselves and others, to simply feel anything other than self-contempt at the miserableness of our daily existence. While you're at it, you can let him know, that even though you love him, if he stays with you, he will always be the most convenient outlet for your temper and your fear. That, if he stays, you will hold him too tightly one day and shove him away in the most painful way possible the next. That it will last your entire life, because there is no cure. Only management. That you will have to say you are sorry so many times, that it will lose its meaning, and because of that, saying I love you, will too. Yeah, that sounds good. Let me know how that works out for you." She took another bite and went to the bathroom, coming back with her arms full and the sandwich hanging from her mouth.

"Is that how you feel?" Brian asked, wondering how she had managed to strike so close to home, when he had carefully kept those feelings from her, not even consciously admitting them to himself.

She unloaded her arms into the basket and tossed the rest of her meal into the trash, sinking onto the edge of the bed. "Some days. Not even most anymore, but some."

Marc sat on the hay bales, waiting for Justin to decide to go inside. He heard the younger man's stomach rumble and picked up his radio to ask Emmett to bring something out to them. As soon as he switched it on, Jane's voice could be heard. She sounded upset, and when he went to change the channels, he realized Brian's radio was on mic and Justin walked to him and grabbed it away.

Marc had a choice to make. He could take back the radio and turn it off. He could say something, making Jane and Brian aware of their audience. Or, he could let Justin hear what was being said.

"He sees me as competition, though I am the furthest thing from it." They heard Jane say.

Then Brian's "I will explain it to him."

Marc moved to take the radio from Justin, but he waved him off and put it closer to his ear as he sat down to listen.

"He needs to know that if he commits to a relationship with you, exactly what he's getting."

"I know." Brian didn't want to admit it, but he did. "What if he decides he can't do it? The long haul." Christ, it hurts just to say it.

"Then it is better that you know now. I can teach you both everything I know on how to deal with these illnesses, Brian. And it can work. But if he signs on for it now, and decides it's too much later..."

"It would destroy me." It almost did the last time.

Jane said, "You could still recover from it."

Brian knew what she wasn't saying and voiced it out loud. "But I wouldn't want to."

Jane nodded. "You have obsessive and addictive personality. You have had a casual to semi-serious flirtation with death for over two decades. Throw in the PTSD and the traumatic brain injury and the melting pot boils. Add a dash of drama and a bad breakup? Who knows what could happen? I am not telling you to kick him to the curb, I'm telling you he needs to know what the future holds. He has a choice to make and you have to make sure he is doing it informed. You have kept things from him for a long time. It is your right to share or not share your past. But he has to know the illnesses. The more honest you are with him now, the more I am able to help you both get through this. I didn't sign on for marriage counseling, Brian, but I know how much you love him."

Brian's voice was laced with regret. "We aren't married."

"What? I thought when you said he was your partner..."

"I know. We were going to, but we decided not to go through with it."

"But why not?"

Brian didn't answer and Jane didn't push. Brian already looked like he had been through the wringer and after the day they had had, she could relate. She wrapped an arm around his waist, hugging into his side.

"Please don't leave this room." He said it so quietly she almost didn't hear him.

Jane sighed, "I suggested to him that they stay for the weekend, hoping the two of you could work some of this out. You are not going to manage that with me in this room and you know it. I am already the bad guy, and I can deal with that, but I don't wear ‘Third Wheel' very well. It makes me look gluttonous."

Brian gave her credit for trying to find humor, even if he didn't feel like laughing. She stood and picked up the laundry basket and went into the hall, intending to take it downstairs to an empty bedroom but halted at the top of the steps when Brian said her name. She faced him as he walked across the hall and opened the door of the workroom.

She understood that he was asking her to take that room, so she could be close. That he needed her to be close by. She wasn't sure it was a good idea, but couldn't find a plausible reason to deny him, so she carried her things in and set them on the bed.

Jane felt, rather than heard, him come up close behind her and his body heat hit her full on as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. She leaned back into him as he spoke softly, "Thank you."

She turned in his embrace, bringing her hands to his face and pulling his head down to hers until their foreheads touched and their breath mingled, "Your welcome." Holding his face a few moments more, she said "Go get your young man and make it up to him."

Brian's radio made the squalling sound that happened when two open mic channels got too close together and he reached back to quell the noise. Justin stepped into the doorframe and took his finger off the speak button, just as they noticed him, and the absence of sound was louder than the noise had been. Both Brian and Jane paled, realizing at the same time, that Justin had heard their entire conversation and caught them in another innocent, yet seemingly otherwise, position.

"I can explain. I want to explain." Brian said as he rubbed the fingers sticking out of the sling with his other hand.

Jane noticed and her eyes narrowed. He hadn't done that in almost two weeks and the return of the habit let her know just how upset he really was about talking to Justin.

Brian closed the distance between them, slid his hand around the back of Justin's neck, pulled his head in until their lips brushed. "I'm so sorry...I..."

"It's all right, Brian. I heard everything." Justin kissed him back. "But Jane is right, we need to talk."

Brian searched his eyes for a moment, then left to cross the hall. Justin stayed, watching Jane, looking to see if he could tell how she was feeling. She smiled at him, carried some of her toiletries to the bathroom, and when she returned he was gone.

She quietly closed the door and locked it, ignoring her shaking hands and heaving a hitching breath into her burning lungs. She ran a hand over her face and went back to the bathroom to take a shower. Selecting a playlist, she turned on the taps and stepped into the stall.

Molly was on the floor of the living room, playing with Duke and Ella. Emmett glanced in to check on her and make sure she was distracted before coming back to the kitchen. Lara was at the table, peeling a big bag of potatoes and Lulah was chopping onions and celery at the counter.

Emmett sat, took a sip of his Long Island Tea, and fished for information. "So, Marc, you said Justin heard everything?"

Marc rustled a beer from the fridge, "Yeah."

"Sooo...do you think they'll work it out?"

Noah gave Marc a pointed look and Lara stayed decidedly silent on the subject. Noah said, "I went to the top of the steps and I could hear Jane's music so I assume she is in the shower as usual. Brian's door is closed but I could hear them talking. Seems Brian took her advice."

Emmett fairly crowed, "Well, will wonders never cease? Our little Brian, using his mouth to communicate rather than his dick. Who knew?"

Everyone had a chuckle at Emmett's sarcasm, knowing it was good natured and that Brian had been doing nothing but talking since Jane had showed up. Still, the humor was welcomed and appreciated after the drama of the day.

They worked in companionable silence when Marc's cell rang and he went outside to take the call. Jane came down about twenty minutes later and started peeling apples. Noah was dicing the potatoes when Marc came back in and checked to see Molly was still occupied, then sat as everyone leaned in to hear what he had to say. "I just got off the phone with Everett. Geri said she doesn't think they were followed here, but there is no guarantee. I'd like to have a couple more guys on site, just to be safe, but Everett thinks that might draw more attention if New York is being watched. He can call some of his people that work out of town, but with the holiday, most of the staff are either already engaged or having Thanksgiving with their families. Looks like the earliest he can get someone here is Saturday, maybe Sunday."

Lara said, "Well, we will just have to be extra vigilant. Make sure someone is always on rounds and the rest of us will make sure they always have eyes on them. We will stick with the radios and get back on regular checks. We've all kind of relaxed since we've been here, it wouldn't hurt to step it back up again."

There were murmurs of agreement and Marc started working on a schedule. Jane set the knife down, precisely, laying a half-peeled apple on the table and wiping her hands on a dish towel. She stood and walked to the window, staring out at the dark and came to a decision. "Give me a gun. I am with him the most, out of all of us here."

Marc nodded and Jane held up a hand, indicating she wasn't finished. "I will call my husband. He can be here by tomorrow night and will help with security."

Marc tensed then asked Jane if he could talk to her on the porch. She followed him out and when Lulah raised a brow in question, no one had an answer for the odd behavior.

"Look, I know what your concern is, and you and I both know that if you want someone to watch him, my husband is the best there is. It will only be until you can get another person to replace him and right now, beggars can't be choosers. It is four days, tops, then he'll go."

Marc was shaking his head. "Jane. I know you mean well, but I have never worked with him and he hasn't been vetted by Everett. The man would have my balls if I brought in an outsider. I just can't do it. Please, understand that it is not my decision to make."

"I do understand. Call Everett. He did a full background check on me before I was allowed to come within twenty miles of Brian and I'm sure it included my husband's service record. Just call him and let me know what the outcome is. The sooner the better."

Jane went back inside and Marc made his phone call.

Justin could only stare in stupefied silence. He had all he could do to keep his face neutral as Brian talked. And talked. And talked some more. He didn't think Brian had ever spoken so many words to him in all the time they were together, combined. It seemed that once the door had been opened, Brian had rushed through it, endeavoring to tell Justin everything he had always wanted to know, whether he liked it or not. Whether he was prepared to hear it or not. Justin could not have gotten a word in edgewise, even if he wasn't sitting there in shock and was capable of actual speech.

Brian was telling him everything he had told Jane in an effort to show Justin that he was still important to him. He was explaining his diagnoses and what it meant for his life and therefore what it would mean for Justin's if they were together. Telling him how Justin needed to take his time making the decision of whether or not he could live with it. Brian insisted that it not be taken lightly and that he would understand if Justin didn't think he could handle it and made the choice to leave the relationship.

He talked for six straight hours while Justin listened. He listened when Brian told him how he felt the first night they met all the way to how he felt leading into their marriage and Justin's subsequent move to New York and why he had pushed him to do it. When Brian mentioned that he thought Justin himself was an addiction for him, Justin's whirling brain came to a screeching halt.

"Wait...what do you mean I'm an addiction?" Justin squeaked out.

"Why else can't I live without you?" Brian asked as if the answer was that simple.

"You have lived without me. Several times, in fact."

Brian nodded, "Yeah, and I was so fucking miserable I wanted to crawl in a hole and die."

Justin was confused. "Then why keep pushing me away? You know I would have stayed if you had said that was what you wanted."

"I thought I could quit cold turkey, but every time it got worse. The guilt, that I made you leave. That it was my own damn fault." Brian leaned against the headboard, finally all talked out.

Justin climbed into his lap, straddling his legs and kissing him. Brian let him deepen it, liking where it was headed as Justin's fingers worked the clasp of his belt, the familiar clanking of the metal buckle like music to his ears.  

"Brian?" Justin said, as he pulled back to look at the face of the most complicated person he knew.

Brian followed the movement, leaning forward to help peel off Justin's shirt. "Hmm?"

When Brian's hand ghosted over a pale taut nipple, Justin let his head fall back. "Brian, you were miserable because you're in love with me."

Brian took advantage of the newly exposed neck by opening his mouth and drawing his tongue over Justin's windpipe and then kissing over to his ear. "That's exactly what Jane said."

"Smart woman, did she score 1500 on her SATs too?" Justin released Brian's cock from his jeans and gave it a long, slow, pulling, stroke.

"Mmm, do that again." Justin did and Brian said, "Ahh...feels so fucking good. You should see her work a room. The woman can talk politics, medicine and dog training in the same conversation without missing a beat." He helped Justin pull off his pants then lifted his hips so Justin could return the favor.

"Sounds intriguing. Does she do windows?" Justin teased. Brian gave him a playful slap on the ass and wrapped an arm around Justin's waist, hauling him back onto his lap, where Justin settled with a happy sigh and ran fingers over the scar on Brian's ribs making him laugh.

"Actually, I don't think I have found anything yet that she can't do. She cooks, handles horses, works as hard as anyone. She's honest and funny, has a fucking temper that is fascinating to watch, and the most incredible eyes I have ever seen, that change color with her moods." Brian held out his hand and Justin dribbled lube on his fingers.

"The stills you shot were amazing. They were so fluid, like you could see her moving in them. Oh, God. Don't stop." Brian worked a third finger into Justin's ass while pressing his thumb onto his perineum. "Hard to believe she can look like that. She seems harmless in regular clothes." Justin was rolling his hips, inviting Brian's fingers in further.

Brian obliged him, curling them into his prostate on the inside and pressing into it with his thumb from the outside, "She's anything but harmless."

Justin moaned, capturing Brian's mouth in a heated kiss before breathlessly saying, "You've gotten really good at that.", and licking his way back into Brian's mouth.

"I've gotten...good...at lots...of things...one handed." he replied, each time he pulled up from Justin's mouth for air.

"So I've noticed." Justin opened a condom and watched Brian's face while he rolled it onto his lover's cock. Brian removed his hand and used it to hold his dick as Justin slid down its length.

His breath caught as Justin made it to the base and clenched his ass. "I fucking missed you so much..." Brian ground out, as his toes curled in pleasure.

Something took flight in Justin's chest hearing Brian say those words so easily. A weight lifted, letting whatever was under it, breathe freely for the first time.

Brian's face was buried in his neck and Justin brought both hands to his jaw, sliding his fingers into the new beard, knowing he would draw Brian this way at the first possible opportunity. He raised and lowered himself, Brian gripping his hip and using his teeth to graze the sensitive skin of Justin's collarbone.

Justin inhaled the scent from Brian's hair. "You smell so good."

"Mmm?"

"You still smell like you..." Justin made a show of sniffing him again, "but there is fresh hay and cut grass too." He sniffed again. "You smell like outside and nutmeg. It's so fucking hot and it's making me hungry." He pulled Brian's lips to his again, increasing his pace, impaling himself faster and faster until Brian lay back, completely at his mercy.

"I promise...ahhhh....to fill...uhhhhuuh...your mouth...later. Much, much, later." Brian teasingly groaned.

It wasn't long before Brian was begging for release, something he rarely did, telling Justin how much he loved him, and that thing in Justin's chest that had taken flight such a short time ago, came to rest in his heart.

Jane laid in bed unable to sleep. She had closed her bathroom door when the urge to eavesdrop on Justin and Brian had become too much. She could still hear their voices but could no longer understand what they were saying. She glanced at the clock. It was two-thirty in the morning and she was exhausted. She dragged a pillow over her head trying to drown out the sounds of their lovemaking, but gave it up fifteen minutes later when claustrophobia set in.

Tossing the pillow on the floor, she dragged on a ratty pair of lounge pants and switched out her sleep tank for a tee shirt with paint on it. Tucking her cell into her pocket, she went to the kitchen.

Jane hit the button to start the coffee pot and snagged the clean pie plates from the dishwasher, turning on the oven as she passed. She made several trips to the pantry and refrigerator collecting ingredients and sat down to peel more apples.

When the coffee was done brewing, she found the biggest cup she could find and settled in to bake.

Brian didn't know which sight should get all of his attention. The big, bluer than blue, of Justin's eyes shining with lustful thoughts, or the wide stretch of his plump lips as Justin swallowed his ten-inch cock. He couldn't decide, so when he could actually focus his gaze it drifted between the two.

He had missed this. He had missed their showering together and he had missed the blowjobs that came with them. Justin bobbed his head, taking Brian deeper into his throat, swirling the flat of his tongue around the wide, flared head of Brian's penis, making him tip his head back under the spray as he was driven over the edge again.

Jane received the text at four in the morning. It confirmed the arrival of her husband for later that night and the tension she had carried for the last twenty-four hours finally lifted. She put the phone back in her pocket and surveyed the mess she had made in the kitchen.

As she waited for the last of the homemade dinner rolls to finish baking, she rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. When the timer on the oven went off, she took out the last tray, and wiped the counters and table while they cooled.

Justin watched her from the archway. She was putting the rolls in a large plastic storage bag. "You think I could have a couple of those? I missed dinner."

Jane stayed silent, just finished what she was doing and put the bag in the pantry. Justin's brow knit in confusion until she came back out with a very large apple pie. "Think you might rather have this? Twelve pies will be more than enough for dinner but I couldn't seem to stop baking them. It's still warm."

Justin nodded and sat down. Jane got forks and set the pie between them. When Justin's stomach growled again, she used her own fork and dug straight into the pie. No plates, no napkins, no manners. Justin gave her his trademark smile and did the same.

A few moments later Jane asked, "How are you?"

Justin was a little surprised that she hadn't asked about Brian and said so.

She replied, "I have plenty of time to talk to him, but only a few days with you. I won't tell him anything you say to me, if you're worried about that, and I will support and help him get through whatever decision you make. He won't be alone."

Justin ate quietly and Jane gave him his solitude while she refilled her cup and made one for him. Justin thanked her, then answered her question. "He told me everything he told you, and I have to say I didn't need to hear half of it. But it was nice. We talk all the time, but this time I got to see him. Really see him. I've had glimpses over the years, and frankly those peeks have been what keeps me coming back. Those little insights that let me know I'm not privy to all he is. The veil of mystery is gone now and even knowing everything he told me, it doesn't change how I feel. I want to keep knowing more. There is more, will be more, and I want to be a part of that. He wants me to take some time and consider my options, but I'm telling you right now, whatever he needs from me he will get, I'm not going anywhere."

Jane sipped her coffee, considering Justin's statements while he ate, hoping he really meant them. He seemed to, and she would take it at face value for now.

Justin set down his fork, his belly full and the pie gone. "That was the best pie I've ever had, what is your secret?"

Jane rinsed the pie plate and left it in the sink. "Brown sugar instead of white, real butter, and a bit of nutmeg and cloves. I like the mix of sweet and savory together."

"Brian said he hasn't found anything you can't do yet. I'm beginning to see what he means." Justin complimented.

"Yeah? Well, he hasn't had a lot of options, since takeout is off the menu here." She joked.

"He does like his Thai food." Justin smiled at her. "You love him. Don't you."

Jane smiled back at him. "Yes, I do."

Justin thought he would feel jealous, hearing his suspicions confirmed, but oddly, he wasn't. "The way he talks about you...I think he loves you too."

Jane nodded, sipped her coffee. "Yes, he does."

Justin waited for the wave of jealousy to make an appearance, but when it didn't, he started to understand what was really going on between Brian and Jane. Maybe his brain didn't quite get it yet, but somewhere inside, something was telling him that Brian needed her in a way he had never needed Justin. Jane was stepping into a role in Brian's life, that would put her there forever, whether or not Justin was in the picture. He watched Jane watch him and realized that she knew this moment would come and had been looking for it. Had been steering him toward it and while he had declared that he would be staying with Brian, hell or high water, the real question was whether or not he could handle Jane being a part of their lives. A part of Brian's life. A part that Justin may never get to share, but was instrumental in Brian's ongoing treatment. That there would be things that Jane would know and Justin wouldn't. That there would be a relationship that Brian would always have with her, no matter who else was involved.

Justin waited to feel angry, jealous, unnerved, yet nothing came. Nothing but an overwhelming sense of understanding. He didn't have to fear Jane or her relationship with Brian. Brian had already showed him and told him how much he loved him. He didn't need anything else.

But Brian needs her too. Just like he needed Cynthia, and to a much lesser degree Lindsay.

The thought popped into his head and he realized why Brian was still lying awake upstairs and Jane was baking in the middle of the night and into the early morning, despite both of them being exhausted.

Justin rose and turned off the coffee pot, then came back and took Jane's hand, leading her upstairs, where Brian sat on the bed reading his computer screen. He closed it as soon as they entered and slid down to the middle space on the mattress, rolling onto his right side and inviting Justin to lay in front of him by extending his good arm.

Justin gestured Jane to the space behind Brian and when they were all snugged in together, Brian was the first to go to sleep, his lightly wheezy breathing the only sound until Justin extended the olive branch a little further by saying, "Goodnight, Jane."

Jane smiled in the darkness. Justin just might have what it would take after all.

"Goodnight Justin."