Title: Stronger Together…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 3698
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance and a Little Angst, okay a lot of Angst in the beginning…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
2014 Gift Exchange for: Oceanreign

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Story Summary: After surviving years in a long-distance relationship, they finally marry only to be separated again. Just as they’re finally about to be reunited their relationship is tested once more. But they’re always stronger together, determined to make things work.

Chapter Summary: Justin’s struggles to accept that Brian’s cancer has returned…

Chapter Two ~ Under the Knife…

Brian’s POV

I hear myself counting backwards from one hundred as I stare into the bright light above me. Soon I’m floating somewhere in space and all I see is my Sunshine’s face, his beautiful smile and he’s laughing. He looks so happy. His smile has a way of making me feel calm, loved, and invincible just like when I was a kid and I escaped into some adventure between the pages of my library books.

It’s funny how your life flashes before your eyes when you’re close to the end. I know I should have told him, it isn’t fair for him to find out this way. I know I promised him I’d never keep secrets from him again, but he was so excited about painting those murals. I just hated the idea of him leaving something that made him so happy to come home and watch me die… To have to care for me until the bitter end… I hate to be a burden to him. He’s so young, and he deserves someone so much better than me.

There’s so many things I love about him… I remember when I’d come home to him, and he’d rush towards me, thrusting himself into my arms after a long day of work. His homemade dinners that tasted better than any five-star restaurant I’ve taken him to, and the way his eyes sparkled that let me know that he loved me without saying a word. The way he was able to capture my likeness on canvas and paper. He truly is a great artist and I’m so glad the world’s finally taken notice.

Dancing with him at Babylon, or Crave in Manhattan, or all alone at home, just the two of us. The way he used to look at me in the beginning, like I was some kind of God, and him in his school uniform. Christ, I can still get hard just thinking about him dressed like that. His constant faith in us and our love, and the way our bodies fit together, like we were made just for each other.

His romantic sense of adventure, dragging me into the countryside and surprising me with picnic lunches. Or our moonlight walks, holding hands while he told me all his dreams for our future. When we got lost on the back roads in Spain, and ended up spending the night, sleeping outside under the stars.

Looking back there’s so many things I love about him, and I’m so grateful that he chose me to love. Even if I did go kicking and screaming in the beginning, I’ve never regretted a day we’ve spent together. No one’s ever filled my heart so completely the way he does. I’m so glad he taught me how to love, to feel loved and finally let go of the demons from my childhood.

I guess it’s ironic that life has finally caught up with me, the combination of my radiation treatments in the past, and all my wild ways of drinking too much, drugging and smoking have led to me developing stomach cancer. Even though Dr. Diaz says that he caught it early and that there’s a chance it might not be terminal. I’m not so sure that’s true, and I can’t help feeling like I’m disappointing him. There’s still so many things I want to do and share with him, and for once in my life I’m actually not afraid. I want to grow old with him right by my side.

I can’t help my mind from reeling with all these thoughts of him, as the anesthesia takes hold and my mind goes blank. I felt so all alone, gripped with fear when I was lying in that bed as they prepped me for surgery. Just hearing his voice for a few minutes made me remember why I need to hold onto the will to live. If for nothing more, than to see his beautiful smile once again.

Justin’s POV

It was the longest night of my life as I sat waiting to hear the news about Brian’s surgery, the clock slowly ticking away and each minute seemed like hours. Drinking countless cups of Starbucks, and running to the bathroom was the only relief I had. I stared at magazines to distract myself, but I couldn’t really focus enough to actually read them. Besides they were about a hundred years old, with tattered pages and missing covers. Daphne was great through all the long hours and awkward silence as neither one of us knew what to say to one another.

It was all I could do not to break out crying again, as my mind worked overtime; I was thinking about how I was going to ream Brian out for not telling me about his cancer. My anger grew with each passing moment. How dare he not include me! We were now married. I had a right to know, and if the situation was reversed, he’d be furious with me if he found out from some nurse right before my surgery. He had better hurry up and get out of surgery, because I was going to kill him as soon as he was conscious.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounds, so I just pray that he makes it through the surgery. I kick myself for not having researched the possibilities of Brian’s cancer returning, or spreading. How could I not have investigated this? It was always in the back of my mind. Although I’ll admit that I always thought it would be lung cancer, the man smokes like a chimney. Well, that’s going to stop. I don’t care how hard it is for him to go cold turkey. I won’t allow it, and the drinking. Yes, that has to go too. If he survives this he’s going on a health kick because I plan on keeping him around for a long time.

Once my anger wore off I started thinking maybe I’m overacting. Daphne said they caught it early. He’s going to be fine, this is just a health scare. Something to shake him up and get him to start living healthy. Yes, that’s it. He’ll have the surgery and he’ll be fine; there’s nothing to worry about. After all he’s a survivor, and he’s just too plain snarky to die. Besides, he’s only forty-three; we’ll have years together. I have to stop all this negative thinking; it isn’t helping anyways.

After my millionth run to the bathroom, I return with more lattes from Starbucks and see that my mother is now here sitting next to Daphne. I don’t know when Daph called her, maybe during one of her coffee runs. I hand them both a latte. I’ve really had more than enough coffee and I’m totally wired at this point. My mom hugs me and I can see that she’s been crying. But I push my tears back down, or maybe I’m all cried out. Lord knows I should need an IV by now. I must be dehydrated from crying so many tears.

Maybe it was seeing my mom that stirred up all my emotions, but I’ve become melancholy again. Of course now my mind is desperate to know what is happening. I can’t help becoming overwhelmed with dread and a sense of loss. I’m praying that he’s strong enough. After all he’s always seemed invincible to me - ‘The Great and Powerful Kinney.’

I refuse to believe that this could really be it. That he might not survive, that I might not see him again. How I long to hold him, it’s been so long. Four months. Even when I was in New York we saw each other every few weeks. I’ve been missing him desperately. I was so disappointed when he canceled his plans to visit me in the fall, and then our winter honeymoon. I would have flown right back here if he had only been truthful with me. But I guess that’s why he didn’t, because he knew I couldn’t stay away.

It’s already seven in the morning and he’s been in surgery for so long, so many hours. I can’t help but think something has gone wrong. My need to know what is happening is verging on desperation and I’m about to start crawling the walls. That’s when I see him, Dr. Louis Alberto Diaz. I found his bio in some of the literature they have here in the waiting room. I’ve memorized it by now.

He graduated from the University of Michigan, and has been practicing for sixteen years. He specializes in gastrointestinal cancer, and he’s been published in twenty-five medical journals over the years. He was named ‘Regional Top Doctor’ by Castle Connolly and he’s one of the best in his field. So there’s nothing to worry about. Right?

“Mr. Justin Taylor-Kinney?”

I’m already on my feet and practically running across the room when he calls my name.

“Dr. Diaz. How is he? Did the surgery go as planned? When can I see him?”

I can’t help the desperation that’s showing in my voice. I’m almost panicked as I feel my tears returning again.

“It was a long surgery, and he’s in recovery now. I performed a partial gastrectomy, removing the lower portion of his stomach. I also removed all the surrounding lymph nodes, and part of the omentum, the sheet of connective tissue that holds the stomach in place. It was necessary to remove the lymph nodes close to his stomach, and the main blood vessels supplying the stomach, because there’s a chance they may contain cancer cells that have broken away from the main tumor. Removing the lymph nodes reduces the risk of his cancer returning.”

“He will have a scar across his abdomen from the surgery, and his diet will be restricted to small meals every couple of hours for quite a long time after the operation. Every patient is different, so trial and error is the only way to find out which foods upset his stomach. I strongly suggest you keep a food log, drawing a line down the center of the page and write down what he eats on the right side, and on the left any symptoms he experiences. After several days you’ll be able to spot which foods cause his symptoms.”

“He’ll need to meet with his dietician frequently after treatment to gauge his progress. It’s not unusual for patients to experience some problems such as a feeling of fullness, diarrhea, vomiting, indigestion and colic. Eating foods high in fiber will make him feel uncomfortable such as wholegrain breads, rice, pasta, beans, lentils, cabbage and greens. As you gradually add these foods back into his diet I suggest only having one high-fiber food per meal.”

“It is also recommended that he avoid all fizzy drinks and it’s best not to drink with meals at all. Try to avoid soups and very liquid foods, any liquid will fill him up. It’s very important that he get the required vitamins and supplements in his diet; iron, calcium and vitamin D. I will meet with him on a regular basis and run blood tests to ensure he’s absorbing enough to keep his red blood count normal. I’ll give you a list of foods that contain these nutrients and vitamins, along with a suggested diet plan.”

“I know this is a lot to absorb all at once, so I’ll have my nurse give you all the literature and instruction for you to read over, and refer to as needed. I’m always available to answer any of your questions, and of course he’ll have frequent follow-up visits to assess his health and progress. Brian’s very lucky he sought medical advice right away after noticing his extreme weight loss, fatigue and feelings of nausea.”

“Most stomach cancers often aren’t diagnosed until they have advanced and spread into other organs. But we caught his early and with the right follow-up care I don’t see any reason that he won’t be able to live a full and long life. Although he’ll need to be monitored on a regular basis for the rest of his life.”

“Dr. Diaz, I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around how this cancer developed. I read in the literature that the radiation that Brian received after his testicular cancer contributed to his development of his stomach cancer?”

“Yes. Unfortunately we now know more about the effects of chemotherapy and radiation through research studies. The amount of radiation that was used during Brian’s follow up treatment and what is now recommended has now been greatly reduced for treating testicular cancer.”

“So will he have to undergo chemotherapy or radiation for his follow-up care for his stomach cancer?”

“In some cases where the stomach cancer has advanced beyond stage one and into stage two or higher, chemotherapy is often used before surgery to help shrink the tumor and as follow-up care to reduce the risk of the cancer returning. Brian’s cancer was caught early enough that chemotherapy wasn’t recommended. Radiation therapy is rarely used in treating stomach cancer, although it has been used during follow-up as a preventive medicine in advanced cancer patients.”

“Oh, thank God. I was so worried that he’d have to go through the radiation therapy again. So he won’t be on any medication after his surgery?”

“Only pain medication immediately after the surgery and as his sutures heal. Then he should be fine. Well, as fine as he can be. As I said, working through the kinks in his diet and finding the right foods that he can digest will be a little work. But over the next six months to a year his diet should stabilize and his stomach will grow to accommodate a normal-size meal. Although he’ll always have to watch his diet, and continue to eat healthy for the rest of his life. Just like he’ll have to continue to see an oncologist throughout his life to monitor his health and wellbeing.”

“Thank you, Dr. Diaz. You’ve been so helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to explain everything to me. I’m so relieved that Brian is expected to make a full recovery, and he’ll be able to life a full and happy life.”

“Now I’m sure you’re anxious to see him. He’s in recovery and it will take some time for his anesthesia to wear off. But you’re welcome to sit with him, and please stop worrying. The worst part is over, and his surgery went better than expected. Like I said, his cancer was caught early and didn’t have a chance to spread. You look like you’ve been up all night, so I suggest you get something to eat. We need you alert and healthy, and if you like, I’ll have to nurse bring you a blanket and pillow so you can rest, once Brian’s moved into a private room.”

I’m finally able to calm down. I’ve been a nervous wreck since I spoke with Brian on the phone last night. My emotions have run the gambit from rage to crippling fear, but I’m now feeling like I can finally breathe. My mom and Daphne insist that I get something to eat and not in the cafeteria here at the hospital. So we head over to Dominick’s directly across the street from the hospital. Brian’s nurse said it was known for having a great breakfast menu and that all the hospital staff frequented it daily.

Just walking across the street we’re hit with the smell of fresh-baked bread and pastries. It’s so crowded that the line is out the door, but no fear, they have a waitress serving fresh-ground coffee to those of us waiting in line. The menu is posted in the front window and it all sounds great. There’s mile-high flapjacks with real maple syrup, deluxe omelets as well as Eggs Benedict and Belgian waffles. It’s a good thing there’s a hospital right across the street because this place is a heart attack just waiting to happen.

Once I’m thoroughly stuffed, my mom and Daphne head out to the Hyatt Regency a few blocks away to arrange rooms for us, although I’m not sure I’ll be able to leave Brian’s side. He may be out of the woods from his surgery, but I can’t imagine actually leaving him alone at the hospital. As promised, the nurse brings me a blanket to use as I sit next to Brian, holding his hand. He’s still in recovery so they won’t be moving him until he’s recovered from the anesthesia and he’s stabilized. It’s strange as he looks so peaceful sleeping here next to me, and I’m still a bundle of nerves.

I must have dozed off because I wake to him squeezing my hand. He has a goofy grin on his face and it’s obvious that he’s still loopy from the anesthesia.

“Hey Sunshine. You’re here”

“You’re awake, sort of.”

“I wasn’t sure I’d see you again.”

That almost brings tears to my eyes again, but I’m determined to stay strong for him. I can only imagine how frightened he must be, especially thinking he was all alone.

“I knew you’d pull through, but I should have been here for you. I can’t believe you kept this from me. You promised me no more secrets.”

“I know… I’m sorry… I promise it won’t happen again.”

“You’re damn right it won’t. Otherwise I’m going to have to kill you.”

I stand and lean over, brushing our lips together. God, it feels good to be this close to him, just smelling that scent that is all him. Well him and the surgical smell of the anesthetic and the drugs leaching through his skin. I pull back and we look into each other’s eyes. We both see so many unspoken emotions that we’re feeling for one another.

“God, I love you so much, Brian. You really scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yeah. Well, guess what? It didn’t work.”

“Please don’t be mad at me. I need you so much right now.”

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

He yawns, and I can tell he’s still exhausted. Dr. Diaz comes in and checks his vital signs, then shines that penlight in his eyes. I have no idea why they do that. Of course it makes him squint and he shields his eyes automatically. After making some notes in Brian’s chart he has the nurses prepare to move him to a private room. He tells me that Brian will probably float in and out of sleep over the next twelve hours or so and that it’s to be expected. He’ll be back to check on him every couple of hours to monitor his blood pressure and heart rate.

Once we’re settled in his room they tell me that I’m welcome to spend the night with him, and to feel free to sleep in the second bed. There’s plenty of magazines to read, and they give me a guide to the cable channels on the television. I just have to let his nurse on duty know if I need anything. They have a break room with coffee, tea, water and sodas. If I’m hungry they also have fresh fruit, protein bars and breakfast cereals, or they can order me a meal from the cafeteria. Everyone is being so nice; it seems more like a hotel than a hospital.

He’s only allowed visitors briefly in the morning, afternoon, and the evening. They limit the visiting schedule, so the patients get plenty of rest. They expect that he’ll be in the hospital for two or three days and then he’ll be released to go home to recuperate. They suggest that we hire a visiting nurse to come to the house several times a day, to help with his care and recovery, and monitor his diet and nutrition. They also suggest that I limit his visitors for the first week to very brief visits. In the beginning he’ll be uncomfortable a lot of the time, and as Dr. Diaz mentioned he’ll probably experience bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, indigestion and colic. So the less people around the more comfortable he’ll feel. Besides he won’t feel much like entertaining or be able to focus on others for a while.

The next days seem like a blur. Daphne and my mom were great. They stopped by and brought me food, clothing, books and sundries. They arranged for Brian’s transportation home, and for a friend of Daphne’s, who is a nurse to stay at the house to help out. We’ve been able to keep the family at bay, mostly because they think Brian and I are in Europe for the holidays and our honeymoon, so I’d like to keep it that way as long as possible.

I know they mean well, but the last thing we need is for them popping in and asking lots of questions. Demanding to know what’s going on and insisting on being there for Brian. It’s up to him if and when he wants to tell them about his stomach cancer. I just hope we can avoid having to directly lie to them. Of course Ted knows the truth and I trust him; he’ll always have Brian’s back and his best interest at heart. Brian trusts him completely to run Kinnetik, which is a good thing because he won’t be going back to work in the immediate future.

He’s finally figured out that he’s made a name for himself in the advertising world, and more than enough money to last a lifetime. When he does he’s agreed to only go back part time, and only to oversee or woo the big accounts. Besides he’ll need lots of rest and recuperation over this next year and we will finally have time for our relationship, I mean marriage. We’ve spent too much time apart and we plan to make up for the last eight years. He says he plans on letting me support him with my art career and glamorous jet-setting lifestyle.

TBC…