Ben and I were on our way to Mel and Lindsay’s house. Ben told me that we should wait for Brian and Justin to tell the girls about the baby on the way. We know that Linds has been giving Justin shit about moving back to Pittsburgh. She is always telling us that Justin could mess up if he isn’t in the center of the art world. She always makes it sound like she’s looking out for Justin.
I had to learn not to offer information about Brian and Justin. I made that mistake the first visit after Justin came home. Linds and I were at the park with the kids and she asked how it feels to have Justin around again. I told her that it was fun. Justin and I work on the comic, and we all hang out like we used to.
Linds told me that if Justin just wanted to do comics and not be taken seriously, staying in Pittsburgh is where he needed to be. I felt insulted. I do those comics too. I told her that Justin’s agent, Sarah, likes that Justin is versatile and she actually helps promote our comic too. Lindsay told me that all real artists want to be famous for only fine art. I didn’t know what to say anymore, but I wanted to smack her. I grabbed Gus and JR and said we should go to the house.
I talked to Ben after we left and told him about it. Ben said that she was probably jealous that Justin has a career in art and she never did. To me, it sounded more like she was mad at Justin for coming home. I asked Ben if he thought maybe it’s because she’s jealous that Brian is spending less time with her. Ben said that may be the reason. In the beginning, I was too, but I dealt with it and now I’m closer to Brian.
Ben is my everything. I had some growing up to do when Justin came back, but I like Justin and he's easy to talk to. I can be a dork or queen out and we just laugh at it. Everyone else just tries to placate me. Ben is the life I want, so it was easy to let Brian be just my best friend. Justin is the brother of my heart.
I told Ben about the penis trees and he thinks that Justin and I have too much time on our hands. He likes Brian and Justin’s neighbor. I liked her at first, but she then started telling Justin that his art had too much sex in it. I wondered what she would think of Rage. She also wants to tell everyone her opinion on everything. Justin and I decided that when she gives him shit we would give it back. Brian said not to do anything that gets us killed.
We are at the girls' house and I can’t wait to see my honeybun.
I came home from visiting Dad and Jus. Mom wanted to know everything. I told her Dad and Jus we’re thinking about having a kid, but not that they were already three months along. Mom tries to act like she likes Dad and Jus together, but I know she doesn’t. I also only tell her some of what we do when I visit.
She wants Dad to visit here, but I told Mama that I wanted to see everyone. I do want to see everyone, and when they come here, everyone seems uncomfortable when Jus comes with Dad.
After I told Mom about Dad wanting to have a kid with Jus, she started talking to Mama, saying that she misses not having a baby in the house. Mom told her that they should have one more before they get too old. Mama said that she needed to think about it. Mama, instead of saying no, will ask for time. I think she just needs time to come up with a reason why she is going to say no.
Michael and Ben are coming and want to take us out for the week. I have school, but Ben said that we could plan around my homework and do the big things this weekend. Mom tries to get included in all the plans so she can talk to Michael. Ben always tells her that she and Mama should use this time to do things that having kids around makes it hard to do.
I talked to Mel and told her we should have another child. She said she would think about it. She can think all she wants. When Brian asks I’ll tell him, of course, I’ll have another child with him. Gus is old enough now that instead of Brian having to come here, Gus visits him. I tried to tell Brian that Gus shouldn’t have to do all the traveling. Gus said that he wanted to see everyone and it was easier for him to go to Pittsburgh. I want to see Brian too.
When Brian was giving me a hard time about money, I knew that I went a little too far. He needs to understand that I had Gus for him, and he has to support us. I am still pissed that Mel didn’t use Brian. If JR were his, he would have to visit here. Michael sends us money for JR, but it only covers stuff for her. Brian is generous. I want to be able to show off. I want people to know that I chose well for my child.
My mother told me that Brian would have made a better husband. She said I should have stopped playing at this lesbian thing and convinced Brian he should be there for Gus and me. I told her that Brian is gay. She told me he couldn’t be too gay if we slept together in college.
I was working on that when I was trying to convince Justin to go to New York. When Justin broke up with Brian again, I started to run to him for everything. I cheated with Sam, then I told Brian about it to let him know I wasn’t averse to men. When Michael sued Mel for custody, I ran to Brian, telling him that they were trying to shut me out. I thought maybe Brian would tell me that he would sue Mel and we could be the only parents. Instead, he paid for a lawyer. Nothing was working. I got my break with the article. I showed it to Brian. I wanted to stop the marriage. It worked.
I thought that Brian and Justin would eventually let the long distance get in the way. I was calling all the time, wanting to comfort Brian. I told him that I was here and he could come to me and Gus. He visited at first and the three of us were going out, doing things like a family. A month later he started bringing Justin. I talked to Justin and told him he needed to concentrate on his career, that Brian would be there later. Justin told me thanks, but that he'd had more than enough of my advice. He is polite when we have to be together, but he usually stays around Mel or the kids when they visit.
I need to work on Michael. Ben is like Switzerland, he says unless it concerns Michael, Hunter, or JR, he doesn’t get involved.
JR sees Michael and is running to get to her dad. It will take a while before he wants to talk. I greet Ben and tell them I have refreshments for them. Finally, JR wants to play with her dolls. My turn.
“How was your trip?” I ask, to be a good hostess.
“Good. Same as usual.” Michael tells me.
“Anything going on in Pittsburgh?” I need details.
“No. Everyone's good. Hunter is watching the store for us and Ma is working less.” Michael is going to make me work for the details.
“Great. I heard Brian and Justin are going to England.” I hint, to get details.
“Justin has a show. Ben and I are going to meet them in Italy next week. The four of us are going on vacation. Justin tried to get the whole gang, but everyone else was busy. I think I’m only going so Justin doesn’t have to shop with Brian.” Michael says. He and Ben laugh about it.
“Why didn’t he ask Mel and me? I mean it would have been fun, and we could introduce culture to the children.” I’m trying not to get upset. We are part of the gang.
“Brian told Justin that he didn’t want to pull Gus out of school for a trip they could take again in the summer,” Michael answers, acting like I wasn’t slighted by not being invited.
“Well, they could have called. I mean Mel and I could use a trip. I could have asked Deb and Carl to keep the kids. Your mother would have loved to be able to spend time with Gus and JR.” I can’t believe they didn’t think of this. I need to get to the baby.
“Well, nevermind that. Gus came home and said that Brian was talking about having a baby.” I need the details of what they are planning, and I know they told Michael something.
I guess Gus didn’t tell her everything. I mean, six more months and the baby is here. Gus is smart, he told me that he learned to just be general with his mom. Linds hasn’t been easy to deal with since Justin came back. I hope it’s because she thinks he needs to be in New York, and not because she wants him away from Brian.
I warned Michael to tread carefully. I think that if Brian wants her to know, he will tell her. I watched her when she was talking about Italy. First, it was about the kids, and then it was okay to leave them home. Deb would jump at the chance, she loves to spoil the kids. Linds usually asks us to tell her that they are really busy when Deb wants to come. Interesting that she is now inviting Deb, so she can chase Brian.
“Brian wants to have one or two more before he gets too old. Justin wanted to wait, but they did decide that it was time.” I am only going to tell her the things that everyone knows.
“Brian never wanted to be a full-time father. It would be good for Gus to have a full sibling.” Lindsay doesn’t think that they would use her again, does she?
“They really haven’t talked to us about it. Ben and I are going to take JR and get some lunch. I am dying for a cheeseburger, and Ben only lets us eat junk on vacation.” Michael tells her.
I am proud of Michael, he learned that telling everything he knows isn’t always the best idea. We get up and take JR. Lindsay can’t come because she has to wait for Gus. In the car, Michael and I looked at each other. She is too much.
“Michael, did it feel like she was fishing? I mean, at first, it was just little comments, but when she said Gus having a full sibling, she thinks Brian wants more kids with her?” I say to Michael.
“Brian told me that he wouldn’t want to do that again. He wants to raise this child, without having other parents involved. I thought about us trying, and Brian said he would pay for it as a gift. I almost said something to you, but I realized we can’t afford another kid. I want Hunter to be able to just go to college, not have to work. I also wanted to make sure that we are able to put money aside for when JR is going to want to go to college.” Michael tells me.
I agree. I would love to have another child that we raise. But it wouldn’t be practical if we want to give both Hunter and JR everything. I wish the girls would consider moving closer so we could see JR more than twice a month. Well, we are here now, no more thinking about anybody but our little girl.
I know Michael and Ben are here and I wanted to visit, but Linds is driving me crazy. She suddenly wants to have another kid. I think that two is enough. The kids are finally getting old enough to be more independent. I don’t want to go back and start over again. Who would be the father? We don’t have friends I would be comfortable asking. Brian told me that if he had any more children they would be Justin’s and they would raise them.
Lindsay and I moved and I tried to do everything she wanted. I mean, the move was for me. She just isn’t happy, no matter what I do. I can’t give in this time. Another child won’t fix anything. She still calls Brian for everything. I only got involved when the money issue came up. I asked her why she was asking for so much money, and she told me that if I trust her I didn’t need to ask. I took the coward's way out, I called Brian, and we decided that if anything was needed, I call Ted and he would send the money to me. Lindsay is blaming Ted for interfering.
I asked Ted how he felt about it. He said he was never really friends with Linds. Ted is my friend. Linds is nice to him, but anytime he blocks access to Brian, she brings up the money he stole. Linds despises Cynthia. Cynthia takes her messages but told her once that she needs to get her own job, that the job of Brian’s keeper was filled by Justin. She threatened to get Cynthia fired and Cynthia hung up. Brian told Linds that she needs to stop bothering Cynthia and she will be nice.
I guess it’s time to face my wife. I need a vacation from her.