A Captivating Coupling

Chapter Eleven: The Outside World

Someone tried to tell me something

Don't let the world bring you down

Nothing will do me in before I do myself

So save it for your own and the ones you can help

Want to make it understood

Wanting though I never would

Trying though I know it's wrong

Blowing it to hell and gone

Wishing though I never could

Blow up the outside world - Chris Cornell

Friday, February 6, 1998

Jennifer Taylor had just gotten home from her Lamaze class. She’d tried calling her husband’s cell phone when he hadn’t shown up at the hospital to meet for the class. Jennifer figured that Craig ended up having some kind of business emergency and that was why he didn’t make it and didn’t answer his phone. She had called her sister to come and fill in as her coach and had been glad to have someone by her side. It had been a long time since her last pregnancy and this one was so much different from her first. Jennifer was due in just a couple of weeks and couldn’t have been more excited to have another child.

Another child. Tears fell down her face as she thought of her first child and pulled into the long driveway of her home. Seeing Craig’s SUV parked in the driveway. Jennifer got out of the car, walked inside the dark house and yelled for Craig, but received no answer. In a huff she decided to go upstairs, pretty sure that she would find him asleep in their bed.

Slowly, she made her way, holding tightly to the wood banister. She hated treading up and down these stairs; her back was aching and her feet were killing her by the time she made it up them. She opened her mouth to holler for her husband one more time when she stopped in her tracks and placed one hand on her stomach and the other on the wall for balance.

At the end of the hall she could see a light on in the room to the left. She regrouped herself and cautiously stepped forward until she was standing just outside the doorway. “Craig?” she called her husband’s name.

Craig was curled up on the twin sized race car bed, clutching the blue comforter to his chest and his face buried into a baseball printed pillow.

Her body shook when Craig didn’t respond to her. She cautiously walked over to the bed and touched his shoulder. “Craig,” she spoke again, a hitch to her voice.

Craig jerked and his eyes opened. “Justin?” he asked, before his vision cleared and he saw his very pregnant wife bending over him.

Jennifer’s tears burned the back of her eyes. “You didn’t meet me for the Lamaze class,” she told him, ignoring the name that came from his lips.

Craig sat up, his hands still clinging to the blanket; he swung his legs around the side of the bed and shook his head. “I can’t do this,” he told his wife.

Jennifer slowly got down to her knees and reached out to touch her husband’s face. She titled it up and made him look at her. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Craig took Jennifer’s hands and held them against his chest. “I can’t be a father to the baby,” he told her, looking her right in her bright blue eyes.

Jennifer could feel her heart breaking. “What do you mean, Craig? You are the baby’s father already.”

Craig let go of the blanket and Jennifer’s hands before getting up and walking over to the dresser where many framed pictures sat on the top of it. He picked up a red frame and traced the lines of the little boy’s smiling face in the photo it held. “I’m his father.”

Jennifer sat on the bed, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. “Craig, you’re scaring me!”

Craig glared at his wife. “You want to replace him!” he spat, setting the photograph down to join the others. “You’ve always wanted to replace him!”

Jennifer flinched. “I don’t, Craig! I don’t! I just want another baby.”

“To make you forget about him!” Craig replied, tears cascading down his face.

Jennifer protested, “That’s not what I want! I just want to make new memories. I want to be a mother again.”

“I thought you already were one!” Craig yelled and started pacing back and forth before his wife. “I thought you were a mother.”

Jennifer couldn’t believe they were having this conversation when she was nearly ready to give birth. “I…I….am, Craig. But Justin is gone!”

Craig stopped pacing for a moment and glared at her. “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I know that he’s gone?”

“No, Craig,” Jennifer spoke, defeated.

“What?” Craig wasn’t sure he heard her right.

Jennifer took a deep breath and looked her husband right in his glassy blue eyes. “You come in here every single day and talk to him like he’s here!”

Craig’s tears fell freely as he asked in desperation, “Would you rather me forget about him?”

“No, Craig, of course not… I just want you to be happy again. I want to be happy again,” Jennifer cried.

“By replacing Justin?” Craig asked. “Is that how we’ll be happy?”

“No…no… that’s not what this baby is,” Jennifer insisted, rubbing her belly.

“I can’t… I won’t forget about him, Jen. I won’t be happy with another baby! I won’t be happy until Justin is home!” Craig told her.

“You won’t be happy because you won’t let yourself be!” Jennifer said standing up and walking toward her husband. “I miss him just as much as you, Craig. I gave birth to him. But I also know that Justin wouldn’t want us to shut down, to not live!”

Craig stared at his wife with wide eyes; he couldn’t understand why Jennifer just didn’t get it. “Justin was my life,” he told her. “I’ve been dead since the day he was taken.” He turned away from Jennifer and started to walk out of the room.

“Craig! Please, don’t do this.” Jennifer said, running after him. “I thought I was your life too?”

Craig turned back to Jennifer. “I’ll be sleeping in the guest room,” he whispered, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He looked at his beautiful wife who was now crying into her hands, her entire body shaking with sobs. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. But he couldn’t. He was certain that it was something he had done to cause Justin to be abducted. He felt that to his core and he couldn’t allow anything to happen to the new child. He had waited to long already, he had to cut them both off from him now.

Jennifer tore her hands away from her face and watched as Craig left the room. She couldn’t believe that the pain was what Craig really wanted! She didn’t understand how he could love their son so much and not want anything to do with the child inside of her. When she’d told Craig she was pregnant, he was shocked but seemed happy and embraced the thought of them having a baby. Even if she was getting older and the pregnancy was unplanned, things seemed to be going great concerning the baby.

That was until about six months ago when she noticed Craig stopped rubbing her belly and talking to their unborn child. She thought it was just her nerves but she could feel something shift in Craig, could feel like he was waiting for something. As Jennifer recalled that timing she realized exactly what had halted Craig’s interest in their unborn child. She had been so enraptured with the life inside of her that she had forgotten the day her world had stopped six, now six and a half years ago. She hadn’t acknowledged the day and that had been the beginning of Craig pulling away from her and their baby. She had no one to blame but herself. She wondered if Craig was right. If she was trying to replace her little boy?

Too tired to get up from the bed, Jennifer kicked off her trainers and snuggled into the soft linens on her son’s bed. She brought the worn stuffed Teddy Bear to her chest and held it as she cried for her child.

***

It was August 4, 1991 and a typical Sunday morning at the Taylor residence. Jennifer was up with the sun, ready to see what the day’s activities were. She grabbed her soft terry-cloth robe and slipped on the pink fuzzy slippers her son had gotten for her as a mother’s day gift. Opening the door to her and Craig’s bedroom she turned back and looked at her husband who was still snoring and sleeping soundly.

Jennifer stepped into the hall that was lit with the tiniest bit of light coming in from the large patio door that led to the outside at the end of it. She looked to the left and saw that her son’s door was still closed; she listened for a minute to hear if he was awake, but laughed to herself. Justin was a heavy sleeper and wouldn’t wake on a Sunday until Jennifer woke him. So Jennifer went downstairs and into her office, intending on seeing what the daily agenda was. The office was on the east side of the house, so the two French doors that opened up onto the deck were letting in the brightest of morning sunshine. She went over to the windows and gazed out for a while, admiring the late summer morning. It was a little cooler than normal this time of year and dew sparkled on the grass in the early light. She saw that there were a few new roses blooming in the garden and really wanted to go see them and maybe cut a few to put in a vase in the kitchen so she could gaze at them while she cooked breakfast.

First, she grabbed some scissors out of the desk drawer, tightened her robe a little more even though the back yard was fenced in and the closest neighbors were a ½ mile away, Jennifer was still a modest woman. Still being a little tired, Jennifer didn’t think anything of just unlocking the door and going out. Usually, after checking the day’s agenda, she went to the front of the house and turned off the house alarm. But not that day.

Her pink fuzzy slippers navigated the stone steps throughout the garden. She glided through the green paradise, taking in all the smells. Crossing to where the rose bushes grew she let the mint plants assault her senses before going to the sweeter sent of fresh roses. She cut five. Two beautiful pink ones and three red ones. She planned on placing each red one beside their breakfast plates; maybe write a small note to remind them how much she loved her boys, before they started their fun days.

When she went back inside she went and looked at the agenda book on her desk and flipped it open to the day’s date. Craig was playing golf with the men from the Country Club at noon. She would be going to the club as well, but with Justin for their first week of Japanese lessons. She laughed when she thought of how smart her son was. She was sure that Justin would pick it up much quicker than she would. He was, without a doubt, a genius.

Glancing back down at the book she saw that tonight was the party to welcome the newest club member into the fold. The whole family would attend the gala that night. Craig hadn’t seemed very inclined to go. He told Jennifer it was because he didn’t think that the man’s profession was very fruitful, whatever that meant. Jennifer was excited to meet the talented writer whose editor lived in a modest home just down the road and had recently worked with her to organize the Club’s Charity Cancer Walk. The woman, Cynthia, had told Jennifer that the only reason the man had joined the club was because he enjoyed golfing and their club had the best golf course in town.

It surprised Jennifer that their day wasn’t going to be any busier. Usually she was running errands because they always needed something. It was nice that she’d get to spend a lot of time with Justin that day.

Jennifer went into the kitchen and made a large breakfast. While she was cooking the bacon Craig came down, still in his pajama pants, and looking well rested. His chest was still just as sculpted as it had been when she’d met him and when he reached up to stretch with his muscular arms, the pace of Jennifer’s heart quickened. “Good morning, honey,” she said turning off the heat for the bacon and moving it onto some paper towels to degrease it with her spatula.

Craig gave a small yawn and walked behind his wife. His hands reached to her waist and he dipped his head to nuzzle at her silky blonde hair. “Mmm,” he said, breathing deep. “Something smells good.” His hands tightened on her waist and brought Jennifer around to face him.

Jennifer giggled and kissed Craig’s nose. “It could be the bacon, or the blue berry pancakes.”

Craig smirked and then looked thoughtful. “It could be.” He released her for just a moment before pulling her up against his body, letting her feel his want. “But I’m pretty sure it’s you!”

Jennifer giggled and then let out a small moan. In just seconds she turned to jelly in her husband’s hands. “Craig, Craig, the breakfast,” she protested stepping out of his grasp and going back to the plate of bacon before setting it on the table.

Craig smiled. “Oh, come on, I don’t mind if it gets cold,” he told her, standing behind her as she organized the roses on the table.

“Craig, Justin could be down here any minute,” she reminded him turning around. “After breakfast I’m sure we can manage some time alone.”

Craig grinned and went to go sit at the head of the table. He picked up his rose and smelled it. “The rose is beautiful, Jen. Thank you. And the breakfast looks great!”

“Hey, don’t touch yet,” Jennifer chastised her husband who was reaching to serve himself from the plates of food. “Let me just get the eggs on the table and I’ll go upstairs and wake Justin up. I’m surprised he didn’t wake up when he smelled the bacon cooking.”

Jennifer went back over to the counter to get the egg plate when she suddenly felt like her skin was crawling. She pushed the thoughts away and started to walk toward the breakfast table.

Craig gave Jennifer a thoughtful expression. “Oh, I think he might be on the west patio. I saw the door was opened a little. He’s probably out there playing with that talking dictionary thing.”

Jennifer stopped in her tracks, the pan of eggs shaking in her hands.

“Did you get the paper from the porch this morning?” Craig asked looking up.

Jennifer gulped. “No, I…” It was then that she realized she hadn’t turned the house alarm off. If she had, she would have picked up the paper from the front porch, like she did on most mornings.

“Jen?” Craig asked looking worriedly at his wife who’d just gone as pale as a ghost.

Jennifer knew that she was the last one in bed last night. She knew that she rechecked the alarm, and it was set. She’d set it herself a few hours before that. Her hands started to shake and she dropped the plate of eggs before sprinting from the room. She could barely acknowledge her husband calling after her.

“Justin!” She yelled, turning away from the empty patio and back into the hallway. She didn’t know Craig was behind her until she turned and smacked into him.

Craig raced into Justin’s room, calling for him. The two seconds it took to open the door to his son’s room he hoped to God that they are just over-reacting. He turned the handle and slammed the door open. It clanged against the wall beside it, the loudest sound in the world. The loudest, scariest, most terrifying moment of his life came a split-second later when he saw that the only occupant of the racecar bed was Gus, his son’s teddy bear. The one he took every single place he went. Even school. He hid him in his backpack. He would never leave him.

“Craig!” Jennifer screamed, standing in front of him.

Craig didn’t know when she got past him to enter the room. As he looked frantically looked around he realized that at some point he’d grabbed Gus Bear and now held him against his chest. “He’s… he’s got to be somewhere,” he told Jennifer, bolting out of his son’s room.

He and Jennifer screamed their son’s name, begging him to answer them. They confessed how terrified they both were, hoping that if he was hiding, he would come out. They swore to him that he wouldn’t be in any trouble for scaring them if he’d come out, but Justin never did. They desperately looked in every closet, under each bed and around every corner. Their screams echoed from one end of the house to the next until they met at the bottom of the staircase, breathing heavily with freight and exhaustion.

“Go look out back,” Craig ordered his wife in a hoarse voice. “I’ll go look in the garage and check the side yard, sometimes he likes to play behind the shed.”

“Okay,” Jennifer agreed and ran outside. She looked first in Justin’s tree house, thinking that maybe Justin went up there in the middle of the night and was possibly still sleeping. When she didn’t find him there, she ran into the pool house, her heart aching as she searched inside the pool first. She did not see him there and the knowledge sent a tiny bit of relief through her but not much. Jennifer looked in every room in the pool house but didn’t find her son.

Craig searched the garage, looking in the attic above, then inside Jennifer’s minivan and his car. Not finding his son in either, Craig ran out the side door of the garage and looked around the yard before heading toward the tool shed near the gate. A couple of feet from it, his eyes picked up on an item that sent even more fear through his body as he jogged toward it. On the side of the tool shed were two boxes, one the outside breaker box for their home and the other was the alarm system. That box had been smashed to pieces.

As Craig got closer he saw a white piece of paper taped with duct tape onto the grey wood. His fingers shook as he grabbed it and tried to focus his eyes on the words written.

“Craig! Craig! He’s not out back! I checked the pool house and his tree hou…” Jennifer stopped talking as she reached Craig and saw what was in his hands.

Craig’s eyes welled with tears, his skin paled and his insides seem to be spontaneously combust with pain.

Jennifer couldn’t believe what she was reading, “No…” she gasped, falling to the ground, clutching the note.

Mr. & Mrs. Taylor.

We have your son.

You will NEVER see him again.

I can promise you that he will be safe. We will not harm him in any way.

***

There had not been any evidence left behind by the kidnappers. The only fingerprints found belonged to the Taylors or other trusted persons they welcomed into their home. There was no one that Craig or Jennifer could name that would want to take their child. The police had nothing except the letter to go on and that was a dead end.

Over the years Craig and Jennifer released more photos of their son, paying to have his image updated to also show how he might have changed over the years. They hired private investigators, hired people to hang MISSING posters of Justin in other states. Every month, Craig would stock his car with boxes of posters and duct tape and embark on a journey through Pittsburgh and the surrounding cities to hang up new posters of Justin.

Many people had told Craig and Jennifer that though the kidnappers had promised Justin safety, it was possible that he had been killed and would never be found. The police chief who worked on the case told them this when he’d pulled all of his officers off the case a year after the crime. Many of their family members thought the same thing but neither Jennifer nor Craig ever thought that to be the truth. They both believed that they would somehow know if their child had been taken from the earth or not.

Craig and Jennifer were hopeful and assured that one day they would find their son. They would never give up searching for him, no matter how long he was gone.

After his fight with Jennifer, Craig chose that night to go hang posters. When he felt so completely lost, this was something he could do which made him feel connected to Justin. Tonight, Craig was taping a poster on a poll where the previous poster of Justin had been torn down and replaced by an ad for a local band. He was in the area where many of the college bars and coffee shops were. It was bitterly cold outside and he struggled with his nearly frozen fingers to tape the poster on the telephone poll. When he finished, Craig’s eyes fell on the bar across the street.

It had been years since he’d been inside Lockwood’s. The bar was still one of the quieter and less-frequented bars in the area. All of the cheap CMU décor looked exactly as he remembered it.

“Would you like to see a menu?” a waitress asked, standing beside the booth.

Craig shook his head. “No, just a beer.”

The young waitress looked at him with confusion. “Ah…what kind?”

It had been years since Craig had a sip of alcohol but he knew what he wanted. “Heineken,” he replied. “And can I have an order of potato fries too?”

“Sure,” the girl batted her eyelashes flirtatiously. “What kind of sauce would you like to dip them in?”

Craig ignored the girl’s flirtation. “Just ketchup.”

“Okay. Anything else I can get for you?”

Craig shook his head no and sighed in relief when the girl walked away. His eyes scanned around the bar. It was still early, but for a Friday night Lockwood’s was dead. Craig watched a man sitting at a table nearby exited the bar, placing a newspaper on a huge stack of old ones in a container near the door.

Craig rarely read newspapers any more. He’d been the subject of so many interviews and also suspicions that he could hardly handle looking in the papers during the initial search for Justin. Craig followed every bit of news that involved a missing child or abduction until he was as sure as he could be that it had nothing to do with Justin’s kidnapping. He drove himself crazy for the first three years and occupied every waking moment of his life. He never attended the country club again and soon lost all of his friends.

When the shareholders in his company informed Craig that he’d be voted out as C.E.O. if he didn’t start showing interest in the company again, Craig had to force himself to stop with the obsession. However, today he felt something pulling him toward the stack of newspapers, the same feeling that had urged him to cross the street and go into the bar.

As Craig sat back down with a stack of the newspapers, the waitress came to his table with his beer and potato fries. “You looking for something specific in those newspapers?” she asked, taking Craig’s money.

“No,” Craig replied. The moment the waitress left he felt an urgent need to sort through the stack of papers as quickly as possible. Chills crawled up his spine the more papers he discarded as unimportant. Though he’d said ‘no’, he definitely felt as if he was searching for something specific, something extremely important.

The second to the last paper was almost a month old and as his fingers touched it, his heartbeat sped up and he had to force himself to focus on the headline.

Brian Kinney, Acclaimed Pittsburgh Writer

1 Year Since His Mysterious Kidnapping

Whereabouts Are Still Unknown

Today marks one year since Brian Kinney was kidnapped while walking to his car in a parking garage. To this date there has been no form of communication from his abductors or any requests for a ransom. A letter was found on his office desk the morning after his disappearance addressed to his editor and friend, Cynthia Prescott. This is still the only solid information detectives have had regarding Brian Kinney’s abduction.

A couple of days ago an unnamed source at the Pittsburgh Police Department leaked us a copy of the note.

Ms. Prescott.

We have your client.

You will NEVER see him again.

I can promise you that he will be safe. We will not harm him in any way.

Craig had to force himself to swallow the sip of beer in his mouth. The notes were practically identical and he knew who Brian Kinney was. He hadn’t heard the man’s name in years and had no idea about his kidnapping. He was sure that if Jennifer had heard about it, or read the same paper it would’ve triggered the same eerie likeness that it did for him. He wondered how the police department could miss the similarities!

Craig felt needles crawling up his spine and looked up from the paper to see a man sitting in a booth on the other side of the bar, openly staring at him. Once the man noticed he’d been caught staring, he looked away from Craig and hastily exited the bar. Craig felt a sense of déjà vu encompass him. He was sure that he knew the man that had been staring at him and it seemed like the man knew him, but he couldn’t place him. He wrote the weird occurrence off, concluding that maybe the man used to work at the bar when he frequented it and must have recognized him.

Craig had more important things to think about. He looked back down at the paper and the picture of Brian Kinney. He was positive that the same people that took his son also had taken Brian. Though Craig had no idea why they were both taken, knowing that Brian Kinney was with his son gave him hope, though the reason for this he could not pin down. For the first time since he found the note the kidnappers had left him, he felt like his little boy just might be safe.

***

Saturday, February 7, 1998

“Hello?” Craig answered his office phone frantically.

“Mr. Taylor, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get back to you last night. I had to attend a funeral yesterday,” Cynthia explained. Cynthia could only imagine how devastated Brian would be when he learned that his Uncle Vic had died.

One year to the date of Brian’s kidnapping Vic had a stroke. Everyone in Brian’s family believed that it was the stress from Brian’s kidnapping that put him over the edge when he was already sick. Vic remained in a coma until last Sunday when even life support was unable to keep his heart beating.

Without any leads the family had hit a brick wall concerning his whereabouts. Cynthia was pretty sure that Brian truly didn’t know how much he was cared for and missed. She didn’t want this man to think that she’d purposely blown off the frantic voice mail he’d left her.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Ms. Prescott.” Craig said sincerely. “I apologize for any rambling I did on your machine but I need to speak to you rather urgently.”

Cynthia could hear fear in the man’s voice. “Yes, you said that you think you may have information regarding Brian’s abduction. You think it may be linked to your son’s?”

“Yes. I don’t know exactly where they are but I have reason to believe that he was taken by the same people who took my son. That he is possibly with my son.”

“You haven’t gone to the police with this?” Cynthia asked, confused. Though she herself had not yet informed anyone in Brian’s family about the message she received and had immediately called Craig Taylor back.

“They were of little help with my son’s case. The lead detective seemed almost eager to disregard any leads I could find and after only a year he moved the Justin’s abduction to a cold case file and took all personal off of it. I believe he’s now the Chief of Police. I wanted to discuss my findings with you, see if you knew anything concrete that could help me before I brought the information to the police,” Craig explained.

“We have a new Chief of Police now, Carl Horvath. Is that the man you’re referring to?” Cynthia asked with disbelief.

“No, the man I was referring to is Jim Stockwell,” Craig replied.

“He was indicted on fraud and conspiracy charges last March,” Cynthia informed the man. “Chief Horvath is a personal friend and an extended member of Brian’s family. I’m sure that he would reopen your son’s case. What makes you think that his and Brian’s kidnappings are connected?”

“Mr. & Mrs. Taylor. We have your son. You will NEVER see him again. I can promise you that he will be safe. We will not harm him in any way,” Craig recited the letter he knew so well. “Does that sound familiar to you Ms. Prescott?”

Tears sprang into Cynthia’s eyes as she recalled Brian’s note.’ “Yes, that’s practically identical to the note I was left about Brian!”

“That note was leaked to the press. I found it in an old paper about a month ago,” Craig informed.

“I didn’t see it,” Cynthia said. “I haven’t had much time to read the newspaper.”

“I hardly ever read them,” Craig told her. “I found this one at a bar last night.”

“There has to be a connection,” Cynthia said firmly. “When was your son abducted?”

“Six and a half years ago, Ms. Prescott,” Craig said in a choked voice. “”We’ve never had a single lead and something tells me that they are together.”

“But why would you think they are together?” Cynthia asked. “It could just be a coincidence, or maybe even a copy cat?”

“I don’t think so,” Craig whispered gravely. “You see, I know Brian and I think I might know someone that would want to kidnap him and my son for revenge.”

“What do you mean?” Cynthia gasped.

“There was a bet made while I attending classes during the same time that Brian was in University.”

“A bet?” Cynthia asked not understanding why anyone would be kidnapped because of a college bet.

“The bet was to see if Brian could fuck anyone. Even a straight guy… from what I understand.” Craig let a few tears run down his face as he confessed the next four words, “That man was me.”

“Brian would never do something so terrible to anyone,” Cynthia protested. “You’ve got to be mistaken.”

“I’m not mistaken,” Craig told her. “I wish I was. The reason why someone might want the revenge is because they may have found out that Brian told me about the bet. He wasn’t supposed to.”

“I can’t believe this!” Cynthia groaned. “I can’t…”

“We agreed that I would fuck him and then, we would split the money he obtained by winning the bet,” Craig continued to explain.

“But what does this have to do with his kidnapping? I don’t understand!” Cynthia cried.

“I am sure that the man he made the bet with must have found out the truth. Brian told me that the guy was in love with him but he was also very jealous of him.”

“So you think that he kidnapped them, to get back at the both of you.”

“Yes, I…I think so.” Craig admitted.

“Who were these guys?” Cynthia asked.

“I don’t know their names. The check Brian gave me for my part of the money was made from his bank account, so I couldn’t trace it back to the other guy. But yesterday, the same place I read the newspaper, it was at a bar near the campus. It was the same bar that I used to go to study during the day. It was the same place I first met Brian and his roommates. And though I didn’t realize it at the time, I think that one of the guys that was in on the bet was there last night. He was watching me but left when he saw that I noticed him.”

“So you didn’t talk to him?” Cynthia asked.

“No, it didn’t all click together until he was already gone. All night I tried to look for the name of Brian’s roommates but they weren’t in the Alumni files so they must not have graduated,” Craig told her.

Cynthia tried to think if Brian had ever told her his roommates names but couldn’t pin-point any time that he had. “Why don’t you meet me at Brian’s apartment and we can go through his storage closet and file cabinets. Maybe we can find some pictures and you can point him out to me and we can get a name. He’s pretty organized so he might even have some old bank statements.”

“Just give me an address and I’ll meet you there in an hour,” Craig said. He quickly took the address and Cynthia’s cell phone number down and hung up the phone.

“Craig?” Jennifer stood above Craig, tears rolling down her face. “What have you done?” she screamed.

Craig knew that he would have to tell his wife the truth at some point, but he hadn’t planned on her over-hearing the explanation he’d given Cynthia that had been the short, emotionless version. He looked her right in the eyes and replied, “I ruined my little boy’s life, Jen.” He stood up from his desk, grabbed his coat from the back his chair, and the piece of paper where he’d wrote Brian Kinney’s address. “Now, I’m going to go and try to fix it.”

“Okay,” Jennifer whimpered and sat down at Craig’s desk as he rushed from the room. Her eyes scanned the surface of the desk in confusion looking for evidence of what Craig had talked about. Her heart stopped as she pulled the old newspaper toward her. The picture of Brian Kinney was familiar. And a little hope gleamed within her heart too.

But for a different reason.

The day before Justin had been kidnapped, her car had gotten a flat tire and Brian Kinney had graciously stopped and put her spare tire on for her. Justin had an obvious crush on the man and the young man had been so polite to her child. He let Justin sit in his air-conditioned car because of the noon-time heat caused Justin’s skin to redden after only minutes in the sun.

Justin had told her that Brian was their ‘Knight in Shining Armor’. When Jennifer had tucked Justin into bed that night Justin insisted on recalling the ‘big’ events of the day. As she kissed him goodnight Justin had said, “I’m going to marry that man, Mr. Kinney, Mommy.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little too old for you. darling?” she’d asked him gently.

“Not, now!” Justin laughed at her. “When I’m older, Mommy. He’ll be older too and we’ll fall in love and have a family.”

“Okay, my Justin,” Jennifer said sarcastically and kissed her son on the cheek and handed him his Gus bear.

“I am, Mommy,” Justin insisted tiredly. “I’m going to marry Brian some day.”

Jennifer had rolled her eyes at her son’s assumption. She’d thought of that conversation many times over the years because it had been the last time she talked to him. Never before had she actually thought that conversation would mean anything more to her than it being Justin’s silly over-active imagination. She wondered just what exactly Brian Kinney and her husband had done that had taken her child away from her! What she’d heard Craig talk about was only one-sided and she couldn’t piece it all together.

She was so tired and the baby inside of her made her feel like she could barely move. She wanted to run after Craig and insist that he tell her the details, insist that she go with him, but as she tried to get up from the chair, her water broke.

XXXXX

Moments in Captivity

Chapter 11: Strong Enough

Saturday, February 7, 1998

The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. ~ M. McLaughlin

“Jus...d…d..did ya ask’em?” Brian mumbled out through his chattering lips.

Justin kneeled on the bed next to Brian, holding one of Brian’s clammy shaking ones with one hand while the other patted a cool washcloth on Brian’s forehead. “I did, Brian. Remember, you saw me make the list and I put it in the entryway. I’ve been checking every twenty minutes to see if they’ve come.”

“I…I…I’m sorry,” Brian groaned closing his eyes. “I f…forgot.”

“Oh, Brian,” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand and kissed the tears that escaped down his flaming hot cheeks. “You don’t have to apologize,” he mumbled against Brian’s jaw.

Brian opened his eyes, the glassy cloud covering them so thick Justin could barely see the color underneath it. Brian blinked repeatedly, trying to look at Justin through his spinning, blurred vision. Nausea claimed him and he began to dry heave and doubled over.

“Shh,” Justin consoled his lover. He held a waste can under Brian’s mouth even though the man wasn’t able to get anything up. Brian had only been able to stomach drinking a few sips of water all day. He rubbed Brian’s back through his sweat soaked shirt. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He whispered as Brian’s back arched and fell under his hand in violent spasms.

Brian moaned and jerked his body back slamming down onto the pillows and closing his crying eyes. He felt like such an invalid having to have Justin tend to him. There was no other choice. Chills were racking his body, rendering most of his voluntary muscles useless. He couldn’t even move his eyelids at this point; they felt sticky, heavy and they burned. “Jus…Justin?” Brian forced the name out through his numb lips and tongue.

Justin fought to stay strong and not cry. “I’m here, Brian. I’m right here.”

“S’t…tied.” Brian whispered. “C…c…c...cold.”

“It’s going to be okay, Brian,” Justin said, though he really wasn’t sure it would. He pressed the back of his hand to Brian’s forehead. There was no doubt about it; Brian was burning up and his body was trying to cool itself down. Justin didn’t know what to do to help him.

Justin watched as Brian’s breathing evened out and Brian fell asleep. He stayed there holding the man’s clammy hand for a few minutes and looked over every inch he could see of his body, trying to find some kind of answer that would help him make Brian better. He had tried everything and felt desperate for an answer because nothing had worked. The medicine cabinet was stocked with all of the things they both thought they would need for Brian to get over the food poisoning, but Brian wasn’t getting any better.

Brian was so sick he could hardly move to get out of bed; he was dizzy and sometimes delirious because of his spiking temperatures. He had kept some crackers and chicken soup down for the first few days, but after that, he could stomach nothing but little bits of water at a time.

Brian had protested yesterday when Justin insisted that he pee into a bottle after failing to get himself out of the bed when he tried. There wasn’t any other way because Justin didn’t have the strength to get him to the bathroom. Everything went downhill after that. Justin gave him cool sponge baths when his fever reached its peak but it never really broke. He’d tried different medicines but nothing worked, and Brian couldn’t even keep pills down long enough for them to do any good. He’d asked Brian time and time again if he wanted him to ask ‘God’ to take him to the doctor but Brian had asked him to promise not to do that, no matter what.

Justin ran a warm washcloth over Brian’s eyes, trying to get rid of the mucus that had clogged up there, matting his long dark eyelashes. That had started this morning. It really cemented into Justin’s mind that Brian was getting worse. He didn’t want to think it, but he was so very afraid the man was not going to get better at all.

Justin’s stomach rumbled from hunger. He looked at the clock, realizing that he hadn’t eaten in hours and needed to leave Brian for a few minutes to take care of the baby and himself. After getting what he could out of Brian’s eyes, he leaned in and kissed Brian’s shaky lips, grateful for the steady breath that breathed out against his own. “I’ve got to go feed Be,” he told his lover, even though Brian was finally sleeping peacefully.

Justin heard the noises of the entryway door open and close and raced into the living room. He opened the door and dragged the plastic container inside the living room. Right on top was the hair cutting kit Brian had ordered, he placed that beside him and looked through the bin to see if there were any medicines that might help Brian, but he found nothing.

Justin screamed in frustration and began to sob as he fell to his side; he closed his eyes and silently prayed that he would find a way to help Brian. Suddenly he felt a rush of movement inside of him. His baby was moving around more than he’d ever felt before. Justin sat up and forced himself to calm down, terrified that his stress was affecting the baby too much. He knew the baby could now hear him and he imagined how horrible it must have been to have to listen to him crying as well as feeling his body shaking.

“I’m so sorry, Be,” he spoke, drying his tears as he stood up. “I’m so worried about your Dad.” He placed his hand under his t-shirt and felt the baby’s movements become less spastic. “That’s it, calm down,” he encouraged. He took a few deep breaths and began to put away the groceries from the bin. Seeing the chips and sliced turkey made his appetite came back full force. “All right, Be. I’ll make us some lunch and we’ll relax for a bit before I check on Dada again. I have to take care of you too or Dad will be angry with me when he gets better.” The baby kicked at Justin’s hand as if to agree with him. “Dada will get better,” he said again, knowing there was no other option. Justin would make sure that Brian was well again.

***

Justin was cleaning up the kitchen when he heard Brian moaning his name. He rushed into the bedroom and sat on the bed beside him. “Brian, I’m right here.”

Brian opened his eyes. “Ju...” He didn’t understand why he couldn’t get his words to form correctly.

Justin leaned down, put his lips to Brian’s cheek, and immediately popped his head up as the heat transferred to them. “Brian?” Justin said, trying not to panic. “You’re burning up so I need to get you into a cool bath. These sponge ones aren’t doing any good.” Justin had no idea how he was going to do it, he would have to find the strength to lift Brian; he had no other choice.

Brian tried to sit up but fell backward. “Help,” he said groggily.

“I will help you.” Justin felt himself start to shake inside and forced himself to calm down. He couldn’t let his nerves get a hold of him and allow Brian to see how terrified he was. “I’m going to go start the bath, Brian. I’ll be right back,” he promised.

As Justin rushed around the bed, his eyes landed on the office chair in front of his desk. Mild relief swept through his body as he realized he could use that to push Brian into the bathroom so he wouldn’t strain himself too much. Beside it was a step stool he used to reach the books on the top shelf of his bookcase. He sighed as his mind contemplated his plan for bathing Brian.

Stool in hand, Justin walked into the bathroom and placed it in the tub. He decided against filling it up and would have Brian sit on the step stool while he used the detachable showerhead to spray him down. This would make it easier for Justin to get Brian in and out. He placed towels around the base of the plastic stool so it wouldn’t slide around the porcelain and another on seat to be used as a cushion.

Justin was surprised to see Brian sitting up when he reentered the bedroom. It had to be a good sign that he had managed to take off his tee and boxers himself.

He rolled the chair to the side of the bed and told Brian, “I’m gonna push you in there on this so I don’t have to lift you too much.”

Brian nodded his head and winced. “Gotta pee,” he mumbled touching his penis.

Justin held Brian’s hand. “Come on, we’ll be in the bathroom in just a minute.”

“Now,” Brian coughed. “S…sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Brian. You took care of me when I was sick,” he told the man and grabbed the empty water bottle from the night table. Justin held the bottle up to Brian’s penis and instructed, “Okay, go ahead.”

Brian sighed as he relieved himself and Justin placed the bottle on the dresser so he could dispose of it later. Right now, he had to get Brian to the bathroom so that he could cool him down.

It took ten minutes for Justin to get Brian into the tub and once he was in there he turned the water to warm, not wanting to shock him with the cold. He undressed himself, got into the tub, and began to spray Brian down.

Brian moaned uncomfortably and wondered why Justin was giving him a cold shower. He wanted to ask but then he saw Justin put the hose back in the holder and came face to face with Justin’s protruding stomach when he turned back around.

Justin started to wash Brian’s hair, blocking the spray with his back, glad that the other man already felt cooler. “You’re doing well, Brian,” he encouraged. “I know it’s cold but I think this helping you.”

Brian put his arms around Justin’s waist and placed his soapy head upon his belly. “My baby,” Brian said sweetly, smiling up at Justin.

“Yes,” Justin whispered, happy that Brian hadn’t stuttered when he’d spoke that time. He continued to wash Brian’s hair as the man rested his head against him, gurgling words that Justin couldn’t understand. He took the hose down again, rinsed Brian’s hair out, and went on to wash Brian’s body. He was almost finished when he lifted up Brian’s arm and spotted a huge open sore.

“Hurts,” Brian whimpered, trying to lower his arm.

“Please let me see,” Justin asked.

“K,” Brian groaned allowing Justin to lift his arm again.

Justin saw a small tube like structure pushing out through the skin in the center of the inflamed sore. It’s not food poisoning, he thought. Brian’s body is rejecting the IUD! Justin lightly washed the sore and rinsed it while Brian whined but still was so out of it that he didn’t seem to understand what it was that was causing him pain.

Justin’s heart was beating a mile a minute as he tried to figure out what he should do. Why would his body be rejecting this now? he wondered, shutting the water off. He first dried himself off, threw on a robe, and then dried off Brian who still seemed to be keeping a lower temperature. He said it was still good for a few years. Maybe something is wrong with the medicine in it? he mentally concluded. I have to figure out what to do now.

Working quickly, Justin got Brian out of the bathtub and wheeled him back into bed, not bothering with putting any clothes on him. As soon as Brian’s head was against the pillow, he fell asleep. Justin wanted to ask Brian about the IUD and see if he knew what might cause it to be infected but Brian was so exhausted, Justin doubted the man would be able to answer coherently.

“What am I going to do?” he whispered to his sleeping lover. “You need a doctor. However, even if I did beg them to send one I don’t think they would, Brian. I don’t understand why this is happening. The only reason these things are supposed to be taken out early is if the person is planning to get pregnant. I didn’t read anything that said this might happen. I wish you’d wake up and tell me what to do for you,” Justin pleaded. “The baby and I need you…” Justin sucked in a deep breath as instinctual thoughts paraded in his mind.

He stumbled off the bed to stand beside Brian. He blinked his eyes a few times while he internally tried to deny what he’d been thinking. “You can’t be,” he whispered, grabbing the hem of the sheet and pulling it down Brian’s body. “Ohhhh god!” Justin shrieked as his eyes took in Brian’s body.

“How could I not have noticed?” Justin asked. The possible evidence of his thoughts showed itself on Brian’s body.

Brian was thin, much thinner than Justin realized but he had never said a word about it because he knew how much Brian liked to keep in shape. He loved Brian and thought the man was perfect the way he was. Yet Brian’s stomach wasn’t exactly perfect, his washboard abs were nowhere to be seen and lying on his back there was a pronounced rise of his stomach.

His hand shaking, Justin reached out and placed it on Brian’s stomach. He lightly pressed his hand around Brian’s firm belly. He remembered that his stomach felt the same way in the early months of his pregnancy with Beacan. Justin knew that he had to find out if his predictions were the truth before he did anything else.

Justin looked to his right, saw the bottle of urine still sitting on the nightstand, and carefully brought it into the bathroom. He placed it on the sink counter while he went into one of the drawers under the sink and pulled out a box of pregnancy tests. His mind was on overdrive as he opened the instrument and took the bottle to the toilet, pouring its contents over the stick and then did the same thing with four other tests. His heart raced as he paced back and forth, looking from the clock to the stick on the counter. Justin could feel the baby inside him rolling around as if Be was also nervously awaiting the results.

In a matter of minutes the word, PREGNANT, appeared in each test window.

Justin’s breath hitched and tears clouded his eyes, but he couldn’t allow himself to be caught up in his emotions. He realized that the life growing inside Brian was possibly just as sick as Brian was and hadn’t had any nutrition for days.

He had to take it out of Brian.

He opened the medicine cabinet and took out the peroxide, cotton swabs and bandages. Justin gathered them and took them to the bedroom before going into the kitchen and grabbing the small pair of scissors from the hair cutting set. Returning to the bedroom, Justin crawled in next to Brian and tried to see if he could wake him. “Brian, can you hear me?” Justin called to his lover and tried to shake him.

Thankfully, Brian was out of it and hopefully wouldn’t feel the pain Justin knew he would cause.

“I can do this,” Justin told himself. “He was going to have me do this before. He would want me to do this now to save him and the baby. I don’t have any other choice.”

Brian only moaned a few times through out the procedure, the tiny tube came out easily and Justin didn’t see any damage inside of the wound. After Justin stitched the opening and cleaned it for the second time, he was sure that the skin around it looked better in color. It appeared that Brian was already healing and Justin hoped and prayed that he’d continue to do so.

His work done, Justin cleaned up and rested his body beside Brian. He placed his hand on Brian’s stomach and a smile of hope graced his face as he drifted off to sleep.

***

Hours later Justin felt Brian moving beside him and bolted up in bed. “Are you okay?” Justin asked, feeling Brian’s forehead.

“Justin,” Brian mumbled, coming to as he turned to look at Justin, his eyes clear.

“You don’t have a fever anymore,” Justin concluded. “How do you feel?”

Brian shrugged his shoulders and felt a pain under his arm. He looked down and saw a bandage there and gave Justin a terrified look as he asked, “Wh…what happ… fuck!” he yelled. “T...tell me!”

“Brian, calm down,” Justin advised in a soft voice. “Take a deep breath, Brian. You are going to be okay.”

“Wh…what happened t…to me?” Brian asked through ragged breaths.

“Brian, look at me.” Justin waited until Brian’s eyes focused on him before he answered. “You didn’t have food poisoning. You had an infection from your birth control.”

Brian sat up and inspected his arm. “You…you t…took it out?”

“I had to Brian, it was hurting you. You seem like a different person than you did just a couple of hours ago. I didn’t think you were going to live, Brian. I had to do it. I noticed in the shower that you had a wound because your body was trying to push it out.”

“Oh, god,” Brian said burying his face in his hands. “I don’t remember any of that.”

“Brian, there’s more,” he said, taking Brian’s hands in his.

Brian looked at Justin and was amazed to see a small sparkle in the blue eyes. He raised his eyebrows questioning Justin. “What?”

Justin wasn’t sure exactly how to tell Brian what he knew. He was worried that Brian would be angry with him for getting him pregnant but it wasn’t as though he could hide it from him. “I got you pregnant, Brian,” Justin gasped out.

Brian’s expression went from worried to confused as he whispered, “You what?”

“I think the IUD was ineffective and your body was trying to fight what was there out of your system because you were pregnant,” Justin told him.

Brian opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “How can you think I’m pregnant?” Brian was completely awake and coherent now; the information cleared him out of any remaining fog.

“I tested your urine, Brian.” Justin moved one of his hands to Brian’s stomach. “And look, can’t you see how your belly is different?”

Brian looked down at himself. There was definitely a difference in his lower stomach; one he’d noticed but had thought was caused from little exercise. “I’m pregnant?”

“Yes. How do you feel?” Justin asked.

“I feel really tired and overwhelmed,” he said honestly. “But much better than I remember last feeling. Will you lie down with me?”

“Yes, but let me at least get you some water and you need to try and eat something too.” Justin got out of the bed and grabbed the saltines and a fresh bottle of water from the nightstand.

Brian took the items and carefully ate a few crackers and drank the whole bottle of water. “Thank you for taking care of me, Justin.”

Justin smiled. “I love you,” he whispered, lying down next to Brian.

“I love you, too. Thank you for saving me, Justin. For saving us.” Brian took their hands and placed them on his stomach. And then, it all hit him. He was still stuck here, kidnapped, and now he was going to have a baby too. “I’m really scared,” he admitted. “I don’t want to have our children grow up here.”

“I’m really scared too, but I have to believe that one day we won’t be here. And we’ll have our family together and everything will be okay.” Justin kissed Brian’s cheek. “We have to believe that, Brian.”

Brian smiled and whispered, “What would I do without you?”

“That’s what I was thinking the whole time you were sick,” Justin confessed. “I want you well again.”

“How are you and Be doing?” Brian asked while yawning.

“We’re just fine, Brian. Be has been active but is now sleeping and I am so much better now that your fever is gone. Do you feel different?”

Brian thought for a moment. “I feel really worn out form being sick so physically I don’t think I’ll be able to tell until I’m completely better. Mentally, I feel a thousand different emotions and I don’t think I can put a name on any of them except that I feel amazed. It is amazing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.” Justin said. “Believe me I know the feeling.”

“It’s going to be busy around here, taking care of two almost at once.”

“But we’ll make it,” Justin said positively.

“How far along do you think I am?”

“Well those pregnancy tests worked faster than I’ve ever seen. I took like five of them Brian and within two minutes they all read pregnant. I read in a book that unless you’re about three months along your hormones aren’t strong enough to produce a result so quickly on the at-home tests. But that could be wrong. When you’re completely 100 percent better I’ll check you like you did for me.”

A chill passed through Brian. “But I’m not very big. I can’t be that far.”

“You might be,” Justin said. “But every pregnancy is different so your body may show early or late, remember we read that?”

“Yeah,” Brian breathed out in relief. “But don’t you think I should’ve felt the baby if I’m this far along.”

“Some people don’t feel their baby until they’re five months along. As long as you start eating healthy and gaining weight from here on out, I’m sure the baby will be just fine, Brian. There’s so little that you and I can control here, but one thing we can control is our state of mind. We have to be positive, no matter what’s going on or our babies will feel that we’re stressed out and that will affect them.”

“You’re right,” Brian agreed. “I’ve got to keep myself calm. It’s just that I can’t believe I’m going to have a baby. I didn’t think it was possible.”

“Me neither,” Justin spoke tiredly. “Get some sleep, Brian. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Brian fell asleep as soon as his eyes closed and Justin followed seconds later.

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