A Captivating Coupling

Chapter Eight: Madness in Love

Saturday, August 23, 1997

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. - Frederick Nietzsche

“I really wish that I could paint the ceiling,” Justin said for the tenth time.

“Justin,” he said his lovers name with a frustrated tone and replied, “I will paint it for you.”

“No, I want to do it.” Justin put his small paintbrush behind his ear and turned to scowl at Brian. “It would only take a minute,” he pleaded. “I could get up on a chair and you can be right under me just in case I fall.”

Brian maneuvered himself to stand up and jump out of the sea of parts for the crib he was working on. “Your belly is huge on your frame and you can barely get accustomed to walking straight when you first wake up. Do you really think it’s a good idea to risk getting up on a chair so that you can paint a few fucking clouds on the ceiling?” Brian shook his head in exasperation and muttered, “You’re being ridiculous.”

“But…but I want the baby to look at the clouds and sun sometimes. I don’t think that’s ridiculous,” Justin explained. He turned and looked at Brian for a moment, his emotions were already on edge and his bottom lip started to quiver when he saw Brian’s disapproving expression. “And I don’t like it when you say bad words to me, Brian.”

Brian bit his lip and tried not to laugh at Justin’s sensitivity to curse words. “I’m sorry,” he relented. “But Justin, you’ve read more books about pregnancy than I have. You aren’t supposed to be climbing anything.”

“K,” Justin whispered and turned back to face the wall.

Brian watched Justin dip the brush in the red acrylic but then he paused, his movement toward the wall. He saw the instrument start to shake and wrapped his arms around Justin. “Hey…hey you okay?” he whispered in Justin’s ear.

Justin leaned back and started to weep, “I…I…just want the baby to see…everything normal babies get to see.”

Brian knew Justin was absolutely terrified that the baby would never know what life outside of their prison was like. They both feared that the child would never see the sun, moon or breathe fresh air. He tried not to think about it himself, but he wondered if they would even survive long enough to see their child go to school or have friends.

Justin and Brian had both read the passages in their baby books about a child needing sunlight to thrive and grow both mentally and physically. Justin was now as pale as a ghost and now that his skin stretched from the baby, it was nearly translucent and the sight worried Brian more than he let on. In a few months, Brian’s body had become pasty white and even though he had a weight bench and treadmill; he’d become skinny and had lost a lot of his muscle. They were both that their baby would not grow and be healthy in the ways it deserved to be.

“Justin, calm down, we’re going to give the baby everything we can while we’re here. And I promise you that one day we’ll give the baby all things we can’t, okay? You have to believe that will happen.”

“I’ll try,” Justin said, wiping his tears with the hand that wasn’t holding the paintbrush.

Brian ran his hands up and down Justin’s waist and torso soothingly. “They won’t beat us, Justin. Now, why don’t you let me paint the clouds and you stick to the mural of the park?”

Justin sniffled and turned to look up at Brian and asked, “Are you sure you want to?”

“Of course,” Brian assured him, “I want our baby to see clouds too.”

“Well I can do the sunburst around the light after the baby is born,” Justin suggested.

“I’ll give the baby clouds and you give the baby the sun,” Brian observed and gave Justin a smile. “That sounds perfect.” He brushed the backs of his fingers against Justin’s hair and then wrapped his long arms around his lover.

“Our baby will be perfect,” Justin said assured.

“Mmhmm,” Brian agreed and rested his hands rested on Justin’s stomach. He could feel the baby moving around, kicking at his hands under the skin. He felt Justin relax further into him as they stared at the almost completed painting.

“I just have to finish the details on the swing set and everything is finished,” Justin said quietly.

Brian loved the work his lover had done; the entire room was painted with the colors of the rainbow. It wasn’t his normal taste in decorating but he knew that it would be a great room for their child. The mural on the far end of the room was an escape to the outside world. The sun set in the distance, reflecting on the life-like, but imaginary pond filled with ducks and toads. Benches and flowers lined the shore and the focal point was a jungle gym and a red swing-set upon a grassy hill.

“It’s amazing, Justin,” Brian whispered, his mouth moving to Justin’s ear and placing a kiss there. “You are amazing.” His lips traveled down Justin’s pale neck.

“This is amazing, feeling the baby together,” Justin said shyly. He’d dropped the paintbrush to the dust cloth below and joined Brian’s hands on his belly.

Brian felt a rush of emotions surge through him. “Yeah it is. I never thought I’d be a father, but feeling the baby inside you; I can’t imagine me ever not wanting it now. You’re both all I want.”

“Brian, you are all I really want you too, but technically I’m really hungry,” he said laughing. “Why don’t you finish putting together the crib while I go make us some sandwiches?”

Brian dropped a gentle kiss on Justin’s nose and stepped away from him. “Okay, let me help you around this mess of stuff. Maybe I’ll have the crib finished by the time you get done making lunch.”

Justin looked at Brian doubtfully as the man led him around the crib parts. “Yeah right. I think I’d have to make a five course meal for that to happen.”

“Whatever,” Brian said, gently pushing Justin up against the purple door leading out of the baby room. “I’ll have you know that your beautiful round ass has been very distracting to me.” Brian started to place kisses amongst the paint dotted skin around Justin’s neck.

“Brian stop,” Justin moaned and laughed at the same time.

“I guess I’ll stop for now,” Brian teased. “Let me know when you’re done making the sandwiches. We can watch that new movie you bought.”

Justin grinned at Brian as he opened the door to leave the nursery. “It’s only new to you, Brian. The 101 Dalmatians first came out in 1961.”

“Well I’ve never seen it and I’m not the expert on Disney films,” Brian joked.

“I hope you’re an expert on putting together a crib,” Justin replied walking out of the room, “otherwise our baby will be sleeping in a play pen.”

Brian laughed and turned to face the mess of parts on the floor. “Okay, let’s get down to business,” he said allowed. “I’ll even read the directions so this can’t be too hard.” He got back down into his earlier position and once again started to study the large white paper that said it was written in English, but still seemed foreign to him.

An hour later Brian was standing and appraising his work. He had done it, he had put together his first born’ s crib. He couldn’t wait to tell Justin. He glanced at the moon clock on the wall and realized that a lot of time had passed since Justin had gone to make lunch. Worried, he quickly went out into the living room.

“Hey, Brian,” Justin greeted the man with a smile. “I was just getting ready to call you. I had a craving and decided to made spaghetti and garlic bread instead.”

Justin wore an apron that looked like it was bursting at the seams to stretch over his stomach and it was covered with splatters of red sauce. Between that and the paint splatters on his face and neck, he looked hilarious. Brian refrained from commenting on Justin’s appearance or mentioning his worry. “I was wondering what took so long.” He took in the display of food at the dining table; the aromas were making his mouth water. Justin was the most multi-talented person Brian knew. “This smells delicious, thank you.”

Justin gave Brian a small kiss on his lips and sat down in his chair. “Go away,” he yelled at Duchess who sat in Brian’s chair.

Duchess threw her tail up at her boy and glared at Brian as she took off down the hallway.

“You haven’t been letting her lick off your plates again, have you?” Brian asked, washing his hands at the sink.

“No,” Justin sighed. “She’s been good; she just still likes to eat with me.”

“Well I get to eat with you now,” Brian told Justin, ruffling his hair as he walked around to take is seat.

Justin quickly shoveled the pasta into his mouth. “I figured making this would give you more time to put the crib together,” Justin told Brian, his words slurred by his mouth-full of food.

“I finished the crib, you’ll have to come see it after we eat,” Brian told Justin proudly, glad at his accomplishment. He took a big bite and savored the food. “This is great, Justin. It’s even better than Deb’s spaghetti, but don’t ever tell her I said that.”

“I won’t,” Justin assured. He felt good knowing that Brian liked his cooking and said it was better than Debbie’s; according to Brian, the woman made food that was better than any he’d ever tasted. “Thanks, and if the crib passes my specifications then I might give you some really delicious and hot desert.”

Brian felt his dick immediately lengthen at the suggestion. “Mmmhmm; you’ll be begging me for desert long before I ever finish dinner,” Brian laughed out.

Justin blushed and groaned around his food. He really couldn’t deny Brian’s words; he loved Brian’s cock inside him. Ever since they realized he was pregnant the sex had once again become pleasurable at all times for Justin. But that was also because he and Brian had a long talk about their relationship after discovering Justin was pregnant.

***

Monday, April 7th 1997

“I can’t believe I’m going to be a Daddy,” Justin whispered for what had to be the hundredth time in the last hour.

It didn’t get old to Brian though; he squeezed Justin’s body closer to his and replied, “I can’t either.”

Justin suddenly sat straight up and looked worriedly at Brian. “I’m sorry Brian,” his voice cracked as he cried, “I’m really...”

“Justin,” Brian interrupted, holding Justin’s hand in his own. “What are you sorry for?”

“I’m the reason that you’re here, aren’t I?” Justin said, his eyes filling with tears.

“We don’t know why we are really here, Justin,” Brian said rationally.

“But… but...you keep having to do all these things with me that you wouldn’t normally do and I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

Brian took Justin’s face in his hands and stared into his eyes. “Listen, I never imagined I’d be a father Justin. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be now, even if it isn’t something we both chose. You don’t make me unhappy, not you.” He brushed the tears from Justin’s cheeks and whispered, “It’s amazing how happy I’ve been, Justin. I’d be miserable with out you here with me. You’ve taught me how to deal with this, how to live here and not feel like I’m trapped every single second.”

“And what if it was another man in here with you? What if you were forced to do everything you’ve been forced to do with me, with him?”

“Well, I don’t think that I would fall in love with any of them like I have with you Justin. I’ve never been in love with anyone but myself Justin. I was a total asshole before I met you.”

“I can’t imagine you like that Brian,” Justin whispered.

“Well I was. Being around you and in this situation has made me become who I think I was supposed to be all along. All I ever thought I wanted was friends, money, success and a plethora of anonymous fucking tricks. There’s only one of those things that I miss.” Brian said softly.

Justin frowned and got up from the couch and kneeled in front of Brian. “Brian I’ll try to do better I promise. I’m just…I’m kind of sore right now, but I can I can suck you if you want me to.”

“Justin,” Brian pulled his lover up into his lap. “I miss my friends, Justin. That’s what I miss, nothing else. You, you’ve been fucking insatiable. I can barely keep up with you. Okay? I don’t need a fucking plethora of tricks. I don’t want them. I have you! Now what do you mean you are sore?”

Justin buried his face in his hands. “I wanted to make you happy; I know you said you had lots of sex for fun.”

“So what, Justin? That was before me and you. I thought the reason you wanted sex so much was mostly because you wanted to make a baby with me. I know you want to make me happy and I want to make you happy, but my happiness doesn’t come above yours. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Justin whispered.

“How sore are you, Justin? I would never want to force you to have sex if you didn’t want it for yourself too. Don’t you remember I told you that? I don’t’ want to hurt you. So let me see.”

“Oh…okay,” Justin relented and stood up.

Brian stopped Justin from dropping his sweat, “In the bathroom, okay? I don’t think anyone else should see.”

Justin took Brian’s hand as Brian led him into the bathroom. He felt so stupid and worried that now Brian was going to be angry with him.

Brian led his trembling blond into the bathroom. When he closed the door he gathered Justin in his arms. “Justin,” he sighed and buried his face in Justin’s hair and breathed in deeply, “I don’t want you for sex. I like having sex with you, but that’s not all, okay?” He drew back and looked at his lover’s wide eyes. “Okay?”

Justin nodded his head in accordance but his eyes still showed confusion.

Brian didn’t miss it for a second. “I don’t need sex as my primary source of fun, or to keep me happy, you showed me that, Justin. The first month when we would play games and watch movies, or just sit and talk; that became fun. Not that I don’t like having sex with you, but I miss making love with you.” Brian heard his own voice falter and took a deep breath and asked, “Did you ever like it. Justin?”

“Yes. Yes, Brian I did, I do. God, please, don’t think that I didn’t like it. You gave me so much, taught me so much, especially the first night.” Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and saw the pain that was reflected in his lover’s hazel eyes. “I’m sorry that I didn’t listen about stopping when I know I should have.”

“Please promise me that you won’t ever pretend, that you won’t ever tell me you want it when you are sore, or when you just don’t really want it. I can’t live with myself thinking that you are only having sex with me because you want to please me or think you have to.”

“I promise I’ll never do that again,” Justin vowed.

“Good, because I love you, Justin. Everything that happens out side of us having sex isn’t so that I can get to fuck you later. It’s because I like to spend time with you and I want to get to know you. Our baby is going to connect us forever and I want to know who you are outside of the bedroom. And in bed, if I ever hurt you, you have to tell me to stop. Don‘t just go on and act like everything is okay if it isn‘t. That is what will hurt me, what will make me unhappy okay?”

Justin squeezed Brian tightly to him and laid his head on his chest. “I don’t want to make you unhappy, Brian.”

“The only way you could do that is by not talking to me, by pretending,” Brian told him.

***

Saturday August 23, 1997

Justin was finishing his second helping of spaghetti while Brian was still working on his first. He looked up and saw Brian slurp a noodle in between his cherry lips. His dick was beyond hard now. “Fuck,” Justin gasped under his breath.

Brian smirked to himself before raising his head and looking at Justin with a very innocent expression. “Did you say something?” he asked his lover in a teasing tone.

Justin huffed and put his fork down on his plate. “Nope.” He gathered his dishes and walked to the sink and started to wash them. He glanced over at his lover and saw that Brian was now licking the stray sauce from his fingers; Justin felt envious of them.

Brian had to keep himself from laughing. He could hear Justin’s sighs and moans and feel the blue eyes upon him. He loved getting Justin riled up for him.

Justin washed the last of the dirty pans and clanked them loudly into the strainer before nearly running back to Brian and straddling his lover the best he could.

Brian didn’t know what happened. Suddenly his lap was full with Justin. His glass had fallen from his hand to the ground, but he didn’t care. His young blond was attacking his mouth with a fierce hunger and all Brian could do was hang on and kiss back.

Justin tore his face away from Brian’s and held his face away from him when it had tried to fuse with his again. “You want me,” Justin said breathlessly.

“Yes, I want you,” Brian said with lustful venom to his voice. He tried to kiss Justin again but Justin playfully batted his face away again.

Justin laughed. “I think I might go use that new dildo you got me,” he said and started to get up from Brian’s body, even though the position was really difficult to get out of.

Brian’s mouth hung open and he pushed Justin’s shoulder’s down and held him in place. “You have me here.”

“I don’t have to beg for it,” Justin said looking into Brian’s eyes with determination.

Brian’s mind spun and he wondered if Justin really didn’t like begging. Brian had thought that it was another one of the games they liked to play. He suddenly got serious, “I’m sorry Justin, I…I…” Shit he really didn’t know what to say.

“Jesus, Brian, don’t freak out, I was just joking with you.” He placed his hand against Brian’s stubble covered cheek and looked into his eyes. “I just wanted you to beg for me.”

Brian looked at Justin warily. He and Justin had discussed Brian bottoming, Brian had told Justin his ultimate bottoming fantasy even, but Justin had told him that he was content in bottoming until the right time. However, just thinking about this fantasy made Brian even harder. “You, you want...”

“I want you to beg to fuck me, Brian.” Justin leaned in and began to rain kisses all over Brian’s neck. He groaned, “I want you to tell me how much you want to be inside my, what is it you said they said in your favorite porn?” Justin looked up at Brian and smirked.

Brian gulped, “I forgot.”

Justin laughed and put his lips next to Brian’s ear. “You remember, Brian,” he whispered. “Those words that turn you on more than anything else. Remember?”

Of course Brian remembered them. His fucking pulse was rushing thinking of the phrase the man had used in the raunchy movie. When he had told Justin about it, Justin didn’t really understand the allure, he thought it was a little weird and dirty, but knowing how much it turned Brian on, made him want to hear it come out of his lover’s mouth again. But Brian had become embarrassed by his confession and told him he would never use it again. But now Justin was asking him for it.

Brian leaned back and looked into Justin’s blue eyes, they were sparkling with mischief. “Let’s go to the bedroom,” Brian said in a throaty whisper.

Justin smirked and together they maneuvered his body out of the chair and into a standing position. They found themselves laughing the whole time because it was pretty funny watching the two untangle themselves from the chair and each other.

Once in the bedroom Justin undressed and placed himself on the center of the bed to watch Brian undress. His smile was one of naughty anticipation.

When Brian was naked he crawled up the bed beside Justin. “No need to look so smug,” he said with a laugh.

Justin smiled more. “Come on, Brian.”

Brian pounced onto his lover. He started to kiss Justin’s mouth, taking control and demanding dominance with his tongue. He pulled away and when Justin moaned the loss he placed a finger gently on his swollen lips before stalking kisses and bites down his neck.

Justin arched off the bed when Brian started to suck and bite at his sensitive pink nipples. The small tufts of blond hair surrounding them were bathed in saliva and Brian pulled at them with his lips. He felt his cock leaking onto the bottom of his large belly, wanting attention, but Justin was determined to hold off from orgasm.

Brian continued down Justin’s chest where it began to raise at the sternum. Justin couldn’t stop the moans erupting from his mouth when Brian’s tongue made its way to his protruding belly button. It felt fucking amazing; this was one of his favorite acts of foreplay. Goosebumps spread from his navel and then covered his stomach and then the rest of his body. He tried to remain calm and not come but Brian was putting out all the stops.

Now Brian had moved Justin’s cock out of the way of his mouth’s path and started to nuzzle his head around in the thick curly blond bush. His sweaty locks of hair were rubbing and wrapping around Justin’s leaking cock, bathing in the juices emanating from JustinÂ’s slit. He was so turned on and loved it when their sex got to this dirty level. He reveled in the fact that Justin so obviously loved it too.

Brian raised his head and looked down at Justin’s locked legs and then back up into Justin’s eyes. He quickly positioned his body up and on top of Justin’s, blanketing him but still propped up on his elbows and knees so he wouldn’t be resting on his stomach. His face dripped sweat onto Justin’s and for a few minutes they just stared at one another breathing.

“What do you want, Brian?” Justin asked.

Brian smiled. “To make love with you.”

Justin shook his head no and pushed Brian off of him and to his side. He rolled over and faced away from him. “What do you want, Brian?” he said again and glanced to look over his shoulder.

Brian was beyond hard right now. He really didn’t know how he wasn’t just coming like a teenager, but somehow he was holding on. And he knew deep down that it was because he wanted to play this game, this some what of a role reversal game. The idea was making him so fucking hot, he had to play along, and the end could only get better.

Justin wiggled his ass a bit and gathered some pillows around his stomach to support the weight of the baby a little more. “What do you want?”

Brian moved closer to Justin and lay behind him. His body a hair’s breadth away. He trailed a hand up the back of Justin’s thigh and over his ass and up into Justin hair. He needed to be inside his lover, immediately.

Justin shivered at the soft touch but was startled when Brian tugged his hair making his head fall against his shoulder. He closed his eyes when he felt Brian’s hot breath on his neck and then at ear.

“I need to fuck you,” Brian told Justin.

Justin once again shook his head no.

Brian sighed dramatically and pressed his body’s length fully against Justin’s backside. His cock was leaking against Justin’s ass cheeks. “Please,” he begged.

Justin could feel the sticky pre-come leaking between his cheeks. He wanted Brian’s cock in him, he did, but he wanted Brian to talk to him. “Tell me more, Brian. What exactly do you want?”

Brian smiled and started kiss Justin’s neck while he wound his free arm around Justin’s stomach and started to stoke it. “I want to slide my fingers inside you and open you up for my cock.”

Justin moaned, “No.”

Brian grunted and started to nibble on Justin’s ear. “You want me to talk dirty; you want me to beg you for it?” Brian said hotly.

“Mmm…. God, yes!” Justin nearly screamed and placed his hand with Brian’s on his stomach. “Come on, Brian,” he squeezed his lover’s fingers. “Tell me… you know you want to say it, Brian.” Justin lifted one of his legs and rested it on the bed. “Your fingers, Brian,” he instructed him.

Brian tore his hand from Justin’s and pushed two digits into the Justin’s mouth. He felt Justin bite down at first and then start to suck. The feeling went straight to his groin. “You’re making me so hot Justin. My cock is aching it’s so fucking hard for you. It wants in you so bad.”

Brian heard Justin moan around his fingers and quickly popped them out, leaving a trail of spittle from the pink lips to his fingers until he moved his hand away and proceeded to wedge his sopping fingers up Justin’s winking asshole.

“Ahh fuck! Yes!” Justin screamed as Brian’s fingers started to open him.

Brian explored the silk tunnel, but stayed away from Justin’s prostate knowing Justin was very close to orgasm. He had to give them both what they wanted first. “I’m going to open you up for me.”

“Then….what?” Justin gasped.

“I’ll show you,” Brian said and took his fingers from Justin’s ass and placed his cock at his hole. “I want to fuck you, Justin. God, you’re so fucking hot, your ass felt so good around my fingers, so tight, my dick wants that too, Justin. It wants to be buried….” Brian placed his dickhead at Justin’s hole and slowly pushed in sliding it inside Justin’s ass.

“You want me, Brian?” Justin asked when the other man had half of his length inside of him.

Brian pulled Justin tighter to him and slipped into his hole completely, causing them both to moan. “Yeah, I want you. I want to fuck your hot…. little….” Brian paused and started to bite at Justin’s neck.

“Say it, Brian, tell me!” Justin demanded and squeezed his ass around the invading cock.

Brian pulled out to his crown and started to suck on Justin’s earlobe. “I want to fuck your hot little tight ass, forever,” he breathed. “I’m going to, Justin,” Brian told him, lost in the euphoric bliss he only found inside Justin. “I’m going to fuck your hot…..” Brian licked around the shell of Justin’s ear, “little…” his tongue now swirled inside it causing Justin’s hearing to somehow broaden, “tight warm ass,” he whispered and bit down on Justin’s ear while he slammed back inside the tight body.

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Moments in Captivity

Chapter Eight: Fighting It

Tuesday, January 2, 1996

Justin placed the cans of green beans on the counter top and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. He gripped the edge of the granite, letting it take much of his weight as he worked to slow his breathing.

Duchess stared at Justin and purred low, worried about her boy.

“I’m fine,” Justin told his cat before taking another deep breath of air. “I’m just out of shape.”

Duchess wasn’t convinced so she promptly jumped up on Justin’s shoulder and put her face near his sweaty neck, licking at the fast pulse she found there. She purred low again before jumping back onto the counter top and tapping her tail from side to side, waiting anxiously.

Justin rolled his eyes at his cat’s worry. “I really am okay,” he spoke. His legs felt wobbly as he walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water out. He was careful to drink small sips so that he wouldn’t end up puking but still felt a little green when the cool water hit his stomach.

“Come on, Duchess,” he called to the cat, taking his water and walking back into the living room. He grabbed the remote for the television and practically fell down into the sofa cushions. When the cat didn’t follow him he looked over his shoulder and called her again. “Come on, Duchess. No more exercising today, I promise.”

The entire time Justin had exercised, which only consisted of him walking in place while periodically lifting the canned vegetables above his head, Duchess growled at him. She had sat on the couch, her head sticking out from where she was buried underneath the throw pillow. Duchess had never seen Justin, or anyone for that matter, act so strangely. She didn’t like it when his face started to get red and his body started to look like it was crying. Then he was making weird noises and that continued to bother her until he finally finished, looking like he might fall over. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be around Justin or not.

Duchess decided that even though he looked, felt and smelled funny she would listen when he called her a third time. She approached him slowly, purring in a barely-there pitch as she assessed him from the floor.

Justin laughed at the cat. “It’s okay, Duchess. I’m just tired. I guess you’ve never seen me do that, huh?”

Duchess didn’t move and her expression didn’t change.

Justin took a larger sip of water, placed the bottle on the table and grabbed his stiffening kitten and placed her on his lap. “You really are silly,” he told her, petting her back. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

Duchess calmed down a little and didn’t arch her back so much as she realized that Justin was no longer breathing funny.

“I have to get some muscles; I’m almost a man you know. I’ll look like a stick forever if I don’t start to get in shape. When I was little I used to work out with my mommy like that but it didn’t make me so tired.” He yawned for a long time and slouched further into the couch. “I have to be strong if I’m going to survive this,” he whispered, glad when the cat began purring contently.

Duchess curled into a ball on Justin’s lap and listened to his soft voice; it was sleepy and made her very sleepy too.

“If I see my mommy and daddy again I don’t want them to be so scared if they see me looking like I do,” Justin continued. “It’s one thing to look like I have ghost skin; I can’t do anything about that. But I don’t want to look like a little boy. I’ll have to show them that I can be a man. This is a new year, Duchess, and I’m going to make it the best that I can for us.”

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