Chapter Ten: “Spun”

Baby love, my baby love, I need ya, oh, how I need ya. - Holland

May 26, 2001

“Please God, let my baby live. This is my entire fault. Oh, God, I am so sorry. Please do not take her. Let her be okay,” Brian gasped through his tears.

“It’s going to be all right, Brian, you just need to calm down,” Vic told him, trying to speak over the loud wail of the ambulance siren. “Just squeeze my hand when it hurts, baby boy.” Vic held onto Brian’s hand and felt the young man’s grip tighten to the point that Vic thought Brian might break his fingers.

However, Vic did not let go, and he did not show the pain he was feeling. He just brushed the sweaty locks of dark hair from Brian’s forehead with his other hand and prayed that his boy and the child would be all right.

Brian’s heart rate slowed and his blood pressure dropped to a somewhat normal level. It was comforting to have his “Uncle Vic” beside him throughout his difficult pregnancy and now labor. He had never been loved growing up in his household, but whenever he entered his best friend’s house, he always felt loved.

Debbie, Michael, and Vic had all been there to encourage Brian with his ballet and they had been the ones to warn him of his relationship with Daniel Montgomery. He still felt terrible about the way he had nearly abandoned them when the ABC demanded so much of his time. Yet, when Daniel had abandoned Brian, they were all there waiting with their arms open. He had never known love like that before.

County General was more than busy when the ambulance arrived with Brian and Vic. There had been a recent 10-car pile-up downtown and the hospital was in chaos. Brian and Vic were taken through the noisy crowded halls to a small room that was sectioned off by sheets.

Brian was lifted onto the bed by the ambulance crew and told that there would be a doctor in to see him shortly. Brian did not like that at all. He wanted to see a doctor immediately. His water had broken and he felt as though his child was pushing to move inside him and he knew he was not supposed to allow that yet.

Besides that, Brian felt as though there was something off. The E.M.T.’s had told them the blood that had come out had been normal, but Brian still didn’t feel right about it. He knew he was supposed to be in pain but he really was not sure that what he was feeling was normal either. He still had not stopped bleeding. His classes had not prepared him to expect “this much bleeding” and they had never told him that he would think he was feeling like his inner muscles were squeezing the baby repeatedly.

Vic noticed that Brian’s normally olive toned skin was getting whiter and whiter the longer they sat and waited for a doctor. He tried his hardest to keep his adoptive nephew at ease, but the truth was, he was scared for him. Nearly an hour had passed since their arrival without being seen; Brian was still in a lot of pain and still telling him that he was bleeding. It was obvious that he still was, and Vic did not like the look of it as it soaked the area around Brian’s body.

Sadly, he knew that Brian, from experience, could endure pain like no one he had ever known. When he saw Brian’s eyes roll back in his head, not once but twice, Vic decided that he must do something. “Brian,” Vic shouted, trying to get through to the boy, past the obvious haze he was in. “Brian, I’m going to get a fucking doctor. I will be right back! Will you be okay for a minute?” Vic asked in a terrified voice.

Brian managed to nod his head. His whole body was starting to go numb. He could not even feel his baby inside him. He watched as Vic disappeared behind the curtain; that was the last thing he remembered before he awoke to his child being pulled from his body. He saw the little face and the tufts of blond hair; he heard a loud cry and saw that it was a little girl. He tried to reach out for his child but everything went black again.

“Brian, that’s it. Come on....” Brian could hear Debbie’s voice and Michael’s and Vic’s, all of them trying to lure him out of sleep.

He opened his eyes and rubbed at them, noticing the tubes connected to his arms. Then he remembered where he was and why. He bolted up and a shot of pain sent him lying back down again. “Where is my baby?” he asked, looking around at his family seated beside him.

Now he was in a different room. A large private room. Balloons and flowers sat all around on the tables and countertops.

Debbie sat beside him on the bed and took his hand. “I’ll go get a nurse and tell them you’ve woken and want to see him.” She kissed his cheek and then quickly disappeared behind the large door into the hallway.

Brian looked around again. Everything had to be okay or there wouldn’t be flowers and balloons, right? But, then he noticed the big balloon that was tied to the hospital rocking chair’s handle. It’s a Boy!, it read.

That could not be right. Brian looked around the room and saw that the cards on the nightstand by his bed said the same thing.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Michael said coming toward his best friend with a smile on his face. “You have a son! Oh, and Brian, he looks just like you,” Michael said excitedly.

Vic walked closer to the bed. “I’m glad you decided to wait to decorate the baby’s room until he got here,” he said with a chuckle.

Brian shook his head. “But ... but ...I had a girl ...I ....” Brian was cut off by Michael handing him a cup of water to sip on.

He took the drink gratefully and swallowed a few big gulps. “What happened? Am I okay? Is the baby okay?”

“The baby is fine, Brian. After I went and came back with the doctor, Brian, you were in shock. The doctor that helped you deliver was not even on duty, but he came and helped you anyway. I was right beside you until they had to take you into surgery.”

“Surgery? Brian asked, horrified.

Vic nodded. “Yes, you were bleeding so much and in such distress that it was making it difficult for the baby to come out. You were in and out of it when they decided to take you into surgery. Luckily, you did not need it. I wasn’t allowed to go in there with you, but the doctor said that as soon as they got you in there the baby had crowned and within a matter of minutes the baby was born. I could hear the baby crying from outside the door. He definitely has a set of lungs on him.”

"I remember waking up and pushing her out,” Brian said softly. “It was a girl, Vic. I did not have a boy.”

Michael laughed. “Oh, Brian, you know that sometimes intuitions can be totally wrong. Mom said the whole time she was pregnant with me, the docs said she was having a girl, and well, here I am.”

Brian managed a small smile for his friend. He was entirely confused. He was sure that he had not seen a penis on the baby he birthed. There was everything that made up a little girl! But here he was, in the hospital room surrounded by cards, flowers and gift bags that all reflected him giving birth to a boy!

Before Brian could think anything more about it, Debbie came in and held the door open. A huge smile crossed her face and Michael got up from the bed. “Here he is, Brian,” he said excitedly as a nurse pushed the rolling cradle inside the room.

“It’s so nice to see you awake, Mr. Kinney,” the nurse said as he wheeled the cradle to the bed beside him.

Brian was almost afraid to look. But he did, and when he did, he saw a tiny little baby wrapped in a blue bundle wearing an oversized blue nursery cap on his head. There was a small sticker on front of the carriage that said BABY BOY KINNEY, and then right under it was his name and what was apparently the room number he was in.

“I told the doctor that you had woke up and he will be in here shortly to check on you. We thought that you might still be out of it for a while. There was a little mix up with your pain meds and we were not sure,when your last dose was,” Debbie told him.

“How long was I out?” Brian asked, still not taking his eyes off the bundled child as it was brought closer to him.

“Only about an hour, Brian,” Debbie answered.

Brian felt like it had been days. His head was so foggy and his body was so sore. He sat up a little more in the bed, ignoring the pain he felt in his backside. He heard the baby start to cry and chills ran up and down his spine. He did not know that cry. He did not think that it the same cry he had heard.

Rather than making a spectacle of this, Brian decided to look at the child a little more closely. ‘Maybe the pain meds have messed me up?’ he thought. He then asked the nurse if he could have a few minutes with the baby alone.

The nurse agreed wholeheartedly and his family went into the hall.

Brian watched as the nurse picked up the crying child and placed the baby in his arms. “He’s probably hungry,” he said, watching how the baby instinctively nuzzled into Brian’s chest calming down once he was in his father’s arms. “Have you thought about whether you are going to breast feed or bottle feed yet?”

Brian looked at the baby and then up at the nurse. “I was going to breastfeed, but....

“Oh! That’s wonderful! I can help you get situated with him if you would like. I nursed all three of my children. My name is Greg by the way.”

Brian warily nodded and smiled at him. “Okay, Greg, thanks. But I think I’d like to try it on my own. But can you hold him while I get situated?” He carefully handed the child over to the nurse and placed a pillow under his right arm. He was still feeling weak and new he would need it to help support the baby. Then, Brian opened the front of his hospital gown exposing his chest. “Ready,” he said softly.

Greg handed his child back to him and Brian thanked him and asked to be left alone again. He needed some one-on-one time with the infant, thinking that things would become clearer if he did not have any distractions.

Once the nurse left, Brian took the blanket away from the baby. He wanted a better look at him. With the blanket off Brian could clearly see the baby’s face, and it was true, the baby did look a lot like him. Down to the complexion. In nothing but a diaper it was obvious that the child had olive toned skin mirroring his.

Brian guided the baby’s mouth to his nipple and soon the child suckled happily and like a pro. Brian instantly felt the bond that he knew he was missing and lay down onto the pillows behind him.

Brian’s fingers rubbed lightly on the baby’s soft skin. “Well, you are not what daddy expected, but I’ll love you all the same,” he said softly, not noticing the tears that ran down his face. He put the blanket back over the baby and then took the child’s hat off.

A few dark hairs were scattered on the top of the baby’s head. Brian stared at the baby who seemed to know him yet, again, Brian was not sure if he knew this baby. He was positive that he had seen a head full of blond tufts of hair. There was not any blond hair on this baby. But again, the baby looked just like him!

Brian switched the baby around to his other nipple, and that is when he saw the baby’s birthmark. It was just the same as his. He sighed in relief and put one of his fingers into the baby’s grasp. His heart tightened with the love he had for his little boy. He did have a little boy!

Dreams and Visions of the future with his son raced through his mind. He then realized that he had to choose a name for his boy. He wanted something that sounded happy. He thought back to his childhood and remembered his teddy bear Gus. He had named him that after watching Cinderella at Michael’s house. Gus had always been his friend, and he still had a place for the wornout stuffed animal on his bed at Michael and Deb’s.

It was decided. Gus Mathew Kinney. That was his son.

Gus had gotten his fill and Brian drew the covers over them both a little. He patted the baby’s back to release any air bubbles, and a few minutes later, the baby had fallen asleep. Brian followed his child into slumber and once again dreamed of a blond boy dancing and singing.