Chapter Eleven: “His Story and History”

Elphelba: "None of which would ever have happened. If it wasn’t for me. "

Glinda:"But that was the milk flower's fault. Not yours."

December 15, 2007

Brian held onto the blond, his fingers digging into Justin’s arms as the memories caused him to suddenly realize for a fact that Justin was indeed his son's other father. Not only that, but he was also the boy from his dreams, dreams he now knew for sure were actually his memories.

He could still hear his own voice telling his fellow danseur that he loved him and always would as he moved inside the blond's tight hot body. Brian was sure that he had meant it then, and he was sure that he had never stopped.

The unexplained feelings that held him back but made him feel full had been Justin all along. Justin had been the real reason Brian refused to date. It was not because Daniel broke his heart. It was because he had already given it to Justin. His subconscious had been waiting until Justin came along once again.

Brian was putting everything together. The blond he watched dance was without a doubt Justin, this Justin before him, his Justin… and that boy had been pregnant! Where was that child? Was that child his?

A quiet knock on the hospital door startled Brian and Justin out of their thoughts.

“You okay?” Justin whispered, looking into Brian’s eyes.

Brian gave Justin a nod, still trying to process the information he had learned.

"Come in," Justin said in a squeaky voice as he stood up.

A redheaded candy striper came into the room carrying what looked to be a few sets of green scrubs. "Hello, Nurse Hailey asked me to bring these to you both. She told me that they are going to keep your son overnight for observation and you'll need to get out of those clothes." She walked to Brian and Justin and handed each man a set. “The sofa has a pullout bed and there are some extra blankets in the drawers too.”

"Thank you," Justin said. He would be glad to get out of his tights.

Brian smiled. “Thank you. And will you tell Nurse Hailey that we are turning in for the night and to not disturb us unless it is to check on Gus?"

"Sure. I will let her know. She wanted me to assure you that the decision to keep your son is a precaution. She told me to tell you that his vitals are all still good and that he will make a full recovery," the bubbly red-head said and turned to scamper out the door.

When the door shut, Justin turned to Brian. “You want me to stay here tonight?" he asked, his voice still shaky.

Brian nodded his head. “If you'd like to. I would like for you to be here when Gus wakes up so that we can tell him about you and me, together.”

"You are so sure that Gus' mine?" Justin asked. He knew but he wanted to hear Brian say it.

"Aren't you, Justin?" Brian said.

"Of course I am. But that is because I have remembered the night we made him, every night since then. But you…"

Brian cut in, "I never really forgot. I had memories of you and me in my dreams. That was all I could rationally think they were. But I remember it all now."

Justin gulped in a breath. “You do?" He knew that there was no getting away from telling Brian the truth about his baby now. The man would hate him. But, Justin could not hide it any longer. It had too large of a weight to carry around secretively for the last five years. No matter what the outcome, Justin would be somewhat glad to share his years of pain. Even if it caused the man he loved to hate him, the truth would finally be spoken.

"Yes. I remember that I told you I loved you right before I came inside you, Justin. And I remember you telling me the same, over and over, while you were still inside me." Brian felt himself blushing and the pent up years of desire for the blond began to surge through his body.

Justin was breathing heavily. He felt like the world was spinning around him. He needed some space. “Brian, can I take a shower?"

Brian eyed Justin. The boy was shaking and his chest was heaving. Maybe they both needed a break. So many things in their lives had changed in the last few hours and he didn't want to hurt Justin, he loved him.

"Sure, Justin," Brian said. "We can finish talking after we clean up."

"Okay." Justin turned and walked on weak legs to the bathroom door. He turned and gave Brian a small smile before disappearing behind it.

When Justin reached the inside of the bathroom he sprinted for the shower and stripped off his ballet clothes as fast as he could. He turned the faucet on and let it heat up for a moment before submerging himself in the hot pounding water of the tiled sanctuary.

Brian sat with his head in his hands, taking deep breaths and trying to process all that had happened and all that was going to happen. He looked up and across the room at his son.

His beautiful child would now have another father. He loved Gus, always had. But the fact that he was sure Justin was his father, and not Daniel, made his heart soar. They had created Gus.

But then, they had also created another child. Gus wasn’t the only child conceived that night. Or had Justin been with someone else? What had happened? Did Justin have a child of his own at home that he did not mention? Was the baby Justin had been pregnant with his? Or was it someone else's? Is that why Justin never made an effort to contact him? Brian's head spun with questions.

A knock on the door sounded, pulling Brian out of his thoughts. “Who is it?”

“It’s Ms. Chanders,” the person said, opening the door a crack.

Brian ran a hand over his face and sat up. “Oh, come in, please.”

Daphne looked over at Gus. “I just wanted to make sure he was all right. And you too.”

“He’s going to be fine,” Brian said. “They thought I needed stitches at first but I’m fine too, just a scrape and bump actually, head wounds tend to bleed a lot more. It definitely looked worse than it was in my case.”

“I’m so glad you are both okay. I know Justin must be really heartbroken over what happened,” Daphne told him.

Brian nodded his head. “You know Justin?”

“Of course,” Daphne said. “We’ve been friends since I attended the ABC.” She smiled at him. “That’s where I recognize you from. You’re Brian Kinney!”

“Yes,” Brian said softly.

Daphne heard the water running. “Were you getting ready to take a shower. I can leave. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Justin is in there,” Brian told her.

“Justin?” Daphne scrunched her face up. “What’s he doing here?”

“It’s a long story,” Brian said, his face blushing. “He’s been in there for quite a while.”

Daphne smirked. “Do you want to go check on him?”

Brian thought about it. “I guess, but…”

“Oh, I’ll look after Gus if he awakens.”

“Thank you. I’m sure if he sees you if he wakes up, he won’t be scared. If he is though feel free to bang on the bathroom door.”

“I will,” Daphne said sitting down beside Gus and turning the television on.

Brian grabbed his set of scrubs and entered the bathroom. He could faintly here sounds of crying from within the large shower enclosure. He knew he loved Justin, and his heart was breaking at the sounds of the broken and painfilled sobs.

"Justin?" Brian said. He could not see Justin through the foggy glass of the enclosure. "Justin?" Brian spoke a little louder over the sound of the spray but still did not get a response. All he heard were hiccupping sobs and cries.

Justin sat in the bottom of the shower. His legs were folded underneath him and he rocked back and forth, holding his stomach. Memories of the hopes he had for himself and his child beat into his head. There was nothing but agony inside him now.

Rationally, Justin knew that he should be crying tears of joy, because he did have a son. But his mind was not allowing that. His fears overtook him. Every irrational thought about what Brian would do or say to him once he found out the truth was at the forefront of his mind.

His fingers pressed almost painfully into his abdomen. It did not matter how many years had passed. The fact that he was fit and healthy and did hundreds of sit-ups a day was not an issue. His belly had never recovered from becoming stretched with pregnancy. It was a constant reminder that Justin felt each day.

On the outside, it was possibly unnoticeable. His abs looked trim and taut. The stretch marks were easily hidden by tights, or passed off as growing marks, if anyone did see. But Justin knew why they were there. Each one served as a reminder of each memory lost with his baby. The skin around his belly, when pressed in, felt like hollowed gel. Much as the way he had been feeling since the loss of his child.

Brian opened the shower door and saw Justin sitting on his knees, rocking back and forth, his arms wrapped around his waist. Justin looked up at him with fear. There was no light in those blue eyes. He had stopped crying, but they were still tearing.

At that moment, all Brian could see were two dark blue, red-rimmed eyes, full of guilt and pain. The blond looked so small and childlike in the large stall. Justin’s expression changed from blank pain to recognition. “Brian,” he pleaded.

Brian quickly got undressed and got into the shower. He crouched down beside the small man and gathered him in his arms. The hot water poured down onto them. Brian held the man he loved tightly. He could feel Justin's body shake and then sobs erupted from the blond again. The cries were so painful that Brian prayed for them to stop. They echoed off the walls and buried themselves into Brian's heart.

"I'm sorry," Justin said through his sobs. His body had gone limp now and had melted into Brian's embrace. "I don't know how... I...I…I, Oh...god, Brian."

"Shh," Brian soothed, his hands clasped now with Justin's fingers. He buried his face into Justin's neck and knew that he had to help the blond say what it was that he needed to know. "Was the baby mine, Justin?" Brian asked in a broken tone. He tried his best to give the boy a reassuring squeeze.

Justin turned around. His body slippery, gliding against Brian's body effortlessly. His legs were now circling Brian's waist. He had dreamt of this connection far, far, too many times. He was finally going to tell the man he loved for so long, what he had wanted to tell him so many times over the years.

"Justin?" Brian asked. He turned Justin's face up to look at him. "Where is that baby?" It took so much for Brian to ask that. Because truthfully, Brian was scared of the answer he was sure the question garnered by the way Justin was behaving.

He did not miss the way Justin tensed in his arms before he started to speak, “She... she was yours... and mine." Justin told him quietly, one of his hands made its way to his abdomen. "They...the...doctor said, that I, that I... didn't exercise enough, or...or...eat...the right things. My body was too young." He looked away from Brian and gulped in a breath.

“Oh God,” Brian choked out kissing Justin’s forehead, feeling his eyes start to tear.

"She had heart problems when she came out." Justin's memory of the delivery surfaced like a fog in his brain. "I don't remember much...I mean, I...when...when I woke up from a coma a week later, I had thought I had given birth to a boy. I had been so out of it, Brian. I did not even get to hold her. They told me it was a girl. My guardian, she...she buried her before I even woke. I woke up and I was alone. I did not have my baby."

Brian's face was now streaked with tears. His child had died. Oh, God, he could not even begin to imagine what it had been like for Justin to be alone dealing with that. All this time to have obviously, kept that tragedy a secret to himself. He knew that there was no way Justin would have been dancing at the ABC if it had not still been a secret. Brian held Justin to him. “I’m so sorry.”

“I wanted my baby, Brian. I did,” Justin told him, his hands on Brian’s face, daring him to believe him.

“I know,” Brian whispered.

“I did, Brian. I wanted my baby. I still want my baby,” Justin cried.

Brian brought Justin’s head down onto his shoulder and held the blond as they both cried.

Both men relished in one another's comfort. Finally, they both grieved for the child they had lost and the past that had been taken from them. This act was the start of how they needed to cleanse themselves, to start their future together.

Once Justin’s sobs had died down, he cleared his throat and looked up at Brian again. "I'm so fucking sorry, Brian. I should've taken better care of myself," Justin said. “I swear I really did listen to everything the doctor told me to do.”

Brian cleared his throat. “Justin, I'm sure it wasn't your fault. Did you have a tough pregnancy?"

Justin shook his head. “No, that's what I don't understand. Everything was going just fine until that day."

"Well I had a bad pregnancy with Gus. I was put on bed rest and I nearly lost him because I was stupid and stubborn. But I didn't and Gus turned out to be just fine. Sometimes things we can't control turn out all right," Brian told him as he wiped his wet face with his hands. His vision was blurry with his tears.

"But the doctor's and my guardian..."

"Were assholes," Brian interrupted. "They buried our child before you ever saw her. They don't seem like very smart people to me."

Justin nodded. "I wish I could have been there when Gus was born," he said quietly.

"Me too," Brian said and hugged Justin into his body. "I wish I could have been there for you too, Justin."

"You were. I thought about you all the time," the blond, told him.

"I love you, Justin," Brian whispered into his ear.

Justin looked up into Brian's eyes as shivers passed through his body. He was suddenly all too aware of their nakedness that was pressed so tightly together. “I've felt so lonely and empty all these years, Brian. I'm so glad to know that Gus is mine. I'd like for us to be a real family."

Brian nodded his head. He could feel his member harden as Justin shifted his body weight, sliding his own silky hardening dick against his own. He wanted Justin. He wanted Justin forever. "Do you want to marry me, Justin?" Brian asked, his hands cupping the blond's face.

"God yes!" Justin said. "I love you, Brian."

Brian smiled and touched Justin's belly with his fingertips. "I know we can't replace the little girl that we lost. But if you want to, we can try and not make this feel so empty anymore." Brian pressed his fingers softly into Justin's stomach.

Justin smiled at Brian. “I want to. But don't you think we might be rushing things a little bit. What about Gus?”

“Daphne Chanders stopped by to check on us,” Brian told him. “She’s got the television on and is keeping an eye on Gus while we’re in here.”

Justin blushed. “Did you tell her?”

“No. I think she just thinks we are becoming a couple,” Brian said smirking.

“Good, because I don’t want to tell anyone until we talk to Gus. I mean, we don't even know if he will like me. This will be a lot to take in," Justin said furrowing his brows.

Brian smiled and ran his fingers once again over Justin's face. “You look so much like him," Brian whispered. "I promise you, Gus will love you as much as I do. And he will be very happy to have a new Daddy and a baby brother or sister. It's what he asked for for Christmas."

Justin smiled at that. He could not wait to really meet his child. Hold him and kiss him. "But what about us?"

Brian shook his head. “That is simple. I love you and you love me. Nothing else matters. Don't you think we have wasted enough time apart?"

"You're right," Justin said holding Brian's face. They stared into one another's eyes deeply. "I don't want to waste any more time. I want to feel you inside me now." Justin pulled Brian's head down and their mouths met in a crashing kiss.

Their hands roamed and groped all the places they had both dreamt about for years until finally Brian gently laid Justin down on his back on the floor of the stall.

"Are you sure?" Brian asked looking down at a completely wanton Justin.

"I haven't had anyone since you. Just be careful okay?" Justin said.

"Okay," Brian leaned down and kissed Justin. He then placed Justin's legs on his shoulders and positioned his cock head at Justin's pink hole.

"Ahhh…" Justin panted heavily when Brian breeched his entrance. "Oh, god I forgot how much it hurts," he said through clenched teeth.

Brian looked down at Justin and paused his movements. “Do you want me to pull out?"

"No, keep going. I need it," Justin ached to feel Brian's cock fill him completely once again. "Oh, yes,” he hissed, trying to keep as quiet as possible. His hands clung to Brian's sides. "More, please," he said as Brian's cock stretched his walls and slid inside his warmth.

"You're so tight, Justin," Brian said. He was not even fully imbedded in Justin's hole. But he could already feel his balls tightening. Justin's muscles were squeezing his first four inches so tightly he had to give himself a minute or he would come too quickly.

Both of their hearts were pounding and their bodies seemed to be surging with electricity. The shower spray that landed on their lower halves seemed to intensify the tingles on their skin. It was the most thrilling experience either man could ever remember. The world began to fall away as they stared into one another’s eyes and processed their reunion into each other’s bodies.

"Kiss me, Brian," Justin ordered.

Brian leaned down and did just that. His tongue traced every place inside the blond's mouth and he felt his cock sinking in, enveloped to the hilt, in Justin's body.

Justin writhed around. He'd forgotten how big Brian was. But it felt so good. He knew that there was no turning back. He was at a prime time for becoming pregnant and he knew that shortly they would be making a child together. And this time they would be with one another to share in it all.

"Open your eyes, Justin," Brian said, shaking Justin out of his thoughts.

Justin opened his eyes to see Brian's lusty gaze trained on him. "You are so fucking beautiful," Brian told him.

It was then that Brian pulled out all the way to the tip of his cock and then plunged back within a half a second. Justin cried out in pleasure and moved his legs down to encircle and squeeze Brian's waist.

"So good, Justin," Brian breathed as his hips pistoned his cock in and out of his lover's hole. "I love the way you feel inside." Brian started to place kisses all over Justin's face.

Justin was lost in ecstasy. He could not speak anything but moans and groans. But Brian understood every one. His eyes were once again tightly shut. It was just too much passion and love. He was on sensory overload.

Soon he felt Brian's hand on his cock. But then Brian once again stilled his movements. Justin opened his eyes.

Brian saw the question in Justin's dark blues. “I want you to look at me when I come inside you, when we make our baby."

Justin had tears spring up from his eyes and down his cheeks. “I love you."

"I love you too, Justin.” Brian had a few tears rolling down his cheeks as well. He leaned down and started to kiss Justin fiercely.

Both of their eyes remained open, locking on each other's as Brian started to pump his dick furiously in and out of Justin in time with his hand pumping on Justin's cock.

"Come with me," Brian said huskily.

"Come inside me," Justin answered breathlessly, grinding his ass into Brian's cock as he stared into Brian’s eyes.

Justin lost the shred of reality he had left when he felt Brian's thumb nearly bury itself in his piss slit and he came in a blindingly intense orgasm. His cock shot spurt after spurt of juices, bathing Brian and himself in come before most of it washed down the drain.

Brian felt Justin's walls contracting around him. "Justin," he called his lover's name as he came hard and deep inside his lover.

They both lay in the bottom of the stall, their bodies shaking with aftershocks of orgasms. Brian stayed inside Justin's hole as long as he could. But eventually his cock slipped free.

The shower had started to cool down and was like knives to their over-heated sensitive bodies. Together they stood up and cleaned themselves. Both men were silent; the music of their love making hanging in the air was loud enough.

Brian helped Justin step into his set of scrubs. Justin was pretty weak and shaky so he was thankful for Brian's assistance. He nearly fainted though when Brian pulled up his pants and placed a gentle kiss on his stomach. He gave his lover a small smile. Justin was so glad that there was now so much hope for his future.

“I’m gonna go out first,” Brian said, sitting Justin down on the toilet.

Justin blushed. “Good, I’d hate to have to face her right now.”

Brian smiled and kissed Justin’s forehead. “How do you think I feel. She is my son’s…. our son’s teacher.”

Justin laughed quietly as Brian went into the other room to say his goodbyes, and thank Daphne for watching over Gus. Justin sat on the toilet and daydreamed, a smile plastered to his face.

Brian came back a few minutes later and led Justin out into the hospital room and sat Justin down on the bottom of Gus' bed while he started to pull out the foldout couch. It was late and he was sure Gus would be up early if he was feeling better. After he had the pillows and blankets on, he led Justin into the bed and climbed in beside him.

Justin felt so warm and safe. Brian spooned in behind him and drew the blanket up over them. "I love you," he heard Brian whisper into the night.

"I love you too, Brian. So much." Justin felt Brian squeeze him tightly.

Together both men fell into a deep restful sleep. Inside Justin, his body was working overtime. There was a child to be made.

***

December 16, 2007

"Daddy! Daddy!" Gus was sitting on top of Brian's stomach.

Justin and Brian both opened their eyes.

"Gus?" Brian said looking at his smiling son. He then looked over at Justin who was rubbing the sleep from his eyes the same way Gus did every morning. This made him smile. He sat up and hugged Gus to him.

"Good morning, Daddy!" Gus said. “I feel a lot better today."

Justin stared at Brian and Gus. He really, really wanted to hug his son but did not want to scare the child, so he just sat back and watched the interaction between the father and son with an anxious smile on his face.

"I'm so glad, sonny boy," Brian said. Justin's head snapped up. He had called his baby Sunny. He tried not to think of that but focused in on the smile Gus had on his face. It was like looking in the mirror; well, when he smiled, which had not been very often, until now.

This had been what he had imagined with his child. Then it occurred to him. Really hit him. Gus was his. All the things he had dreamt about with his baby he could now have with Gus, and hopefully with the baby he knew instinctively that he and Brian had created last night.

"Did you and Mr. Justin have a sleepover last night, Daddy?" Gus asked looking at Justin curiously.

Brian smiled. "Yes, Gus."

"Well good morning, Justin," Gus said crawling onto Justin's lap and giving him a kiss on the cheek before hugging him. "Hart was right. You are huggable." Gus buried his head into Justin's chest and Justin squeezed the boy back.

Justin never wanted to let Gus go. He put his nose into the boy's auburn hair and smelled it. He would never forget that smell as long as he lived. It smelled so familiar to him. He opened his blurry, teary eyes and saw Brian smiling through tears of his own. He reached his hand out and Brian held onto it, squeezing it tightly.

Gus leaned back, looked over at Brian, and then back at Justin. "Why are you both crying, Daddy?" Gus said worried that he had upset his dad or Justin.

"It's ok, buddy," Brian soothed. "We are crying because we are happy."

"You are?" Gus questioned looking at the blond.

Justin smiled. “Yes, Gus. We are both very, very happy."

"But why, Justin? You fell off the stage last night. Aren't you sad?"

Justin and Brian laughed. “I was, Gus. But only because I thought that I had hurt you and your Daddy."

"But we are okay, right, Dad?" Gus asked looking to his father.

Brian nodded his head in affirmation. “Gus, Justin and I have something to tell you."

Gus climbed off Justin's lap and back onto Brian's stomach. Justin immediately felt the loss. "What is it, Daddy?"

Brian smiled. “Do you remember what you asked Santa for about Daddy?"

Gus smiled. “Of course. I wanted you to get married so I could have a new Daddy and a little brother or sister."

Justin looked at Brian and they both smiled widely.

"That's right, Gus," Brian said. "Well, Santa wanted to give you your present early this year, since you have been such a good boy. And then maybe you could write to him and ask him for those new dance shoes I know you want.”

Gus smiled and looked from Brian to Justin and back and forth again. “Do you mean that you and Mr. Justin are going to get married and have a baby?"

Justin smiled. “Yes, Gus, we’re going to get married and try to have a baby."

"Yippee!!!" Gus launched himself once again into Justin's arms and started giggling. "Does that mean you are going to be my other Daddy, Justin?"

"Gus, Justin is your other Daddy," Brian said.

Gus' eyes got as big as saucers. "You are!" he nearly shouted. His small hands started to touch Justin's face. "I am your little boy?" Gus asked.

Justin nodded his head. “Yes, I am your Daddy, Gus. You are my little boy."

"But why didn't you ever see me?" Gus asked.

Justin frowned. "I didn't know you were mine. I only found out yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell him, Daddy?" Gus turned to Brian again.

"I didn't remember, Gus. The night that Justin and I met, I was in an accident that caused me not to remember him. After that, I was with another man. Do you remember me telling you about Daniel?"

Gus nodded his head. “You said that he helped you make me."

"I thought he did, Gus." Brian took a deep breath. “But I remembered last night, seeing Justin on stage dancing, that it was him. You see, I used to be a dancer at the same school that Justin went to. That is how we met. And last night I remembered him."

"But how do you know I am Justin's little boy?" Gus asked.

"Well, for one thing, last night they told us that you and I have the same type of blood. It's different than Brian's," Justin explained. "And because ours are the same it means that you are my son.” He knew that it wasn’t that simple, but it seemed like Gus was understanding it that way.

Gus smiled. "Really?" he asked.

Justin nodded. “Yes, but that's not the only way I knew you were mine."

Brian smiled at Justin. "How?" he asked, not sure how Justin would explain due dates to a boy of six years.

Justin took Gus' hand in his and opened his son's palm. He pointed to the crescent moon birthmark. "You have the same birthmark as me." Justin opened his palm.

Brian looked at Gus' hand and Justin's hand. Sure enough, the little 'cluster of freckles' he had kissed numerous times on Gus' palm was indeed a matching birthmark. "He also has one on his back that matches mine," Brian said. He lifted Gus' scrub shirt and in the center of the boy's back was a purplish red heart. "Mine is in the same place," Brian turned and lifted his shirt to show Gus and Justin.

"Daddies, this means you can be in me and Hart's secret club. She has a birthmark just like my heart on her back and she has a little moon right under her armpit," Gus said innocently, smiling at the thought of his new Daddy and Justin getting to be in his club.

Glinda- "That may be your secret Elphelba, but it doesn't mean it's true."