All The World's A Stage

Chapter Nine: “Still Spinning”

You love the limelight too now baby.–J. Larson

May 26, 2001

Justin was propped up in his kingsize bed. Dr. Minton was sitting on a chair at the bottom, examining Justin. This made Justin feel more uncomfortable than he already was, especially because Mrs. Montgomery was standing beside him, watching the whole thing.

Justin’s entire bedroom had been transformed into a hospital room in the three hours since he called for Mrs. Montgomery. ‘This is it!’ he thought, talking to his child in his head. ‘Months of waiting and now I can finally meet you, Sunny.’

Justin’s entire body trembled with the anticipation of birth, along with the pains of labor. He knew he would do anything to get through it so he could finally see his child.

“Justin, you are dilated enough to start pushing,” Dr. Minton said. He positioned Justin’s legs further apart. “On the next contraction, I want you to take a deep breath and bear down and push with everything you’ve got.”

Justin tried to even his breathing. He’d left being embarrassed five miles back and just decided to grit his teeth and go with each painful contraction as it came. ‘This will all be over soon,’ he chanted in his head.

“Oh God!” Justin yelled as a long hard contraction hit. He pushed with his muscles as much as he could, but damn, it was painful. “Is it supposed to hurt so badly?” he asked in between breaths.

“It's labor, Justin,” Mrs. Montgomery said snidely.

Justin looked down between his legs and nearly passed out from shock; he could see the top of his child’s head crowning. A mess of dark hair was coming out from his body, attached to a body still woven within his, yet ready to start life. It was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

Up until, of course, the next contraction hit and he pulled his legs up and pushed; at the end of the contraction, he looked down and saw half of his baby’s body being pushed out. Tiny chubby arms were flailing about and a crescent moon shape appeared on the palm of the little, white outstretched fingers. A birthmark like the one on his hand. A son, he had a son. He watched as the rest of the tiny body slid into Dr. Minton’s waiting hands.

That was the last thing Justin remembered.

June 1, 2001

When he fully awoke almost a week later, there was no child to be put in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Justin, but she passed away not long after you went into shock." Mrs. Montgomery was sitting in a chair on one side of his room, watching him with her cold eyes.

Justin shook his head. “Shock!”

Dr. Minton sat on the other side of him. “You bled too much, Justin. We weren’t sure if you were going to make it. The baby, she just wasn’t strong enough.”

Justin screamed, “Why didn’t you take me to a fucking hospital? Why do you keep saying SHE? I had a little boy, he was crying for me. He was fine, I was fine. I saw him! I saw his hands, his ears, his eyes.” Justin started to sob and move around as much as he could in the bed.

“We called an ambulance here, Justin. They did what they could when they got here but they couldn’t save the baby. You were really out of it. It was a little girl, Justin,” Dr. Minton repeated.

Justin wiped his eyes, nose, and shook his head. “You still didn’t tell me why they didn’t take me to the hospital.” Justin spat. He couldn’t believe anything coming out of their mouths.

Mrs. Montgomery took Justin’s hand. “I thought that it would be best if you stayed here to recover. The E.M.T.s agreed that it was best to leave you here once you were stabilized. It’s nearly a two-hour drive to the hospital. You were doing fine after they stopped the bleeding."

"We have everything you need here, Justin,” Dr. Minton added as if it were the most normal thing in the world to be in a near coma for a week, wake up, and find out that the baby you just delivered had died.

“Except my baby!” Justin sat up and screamed. He ripped his IV out and stood up, only to get dizzy and have to sit back down on the bed again.

Dr. Minton put his strong but cold hand on Justin’s. Before he could speak, Mrs. Montgomery sat down beside Justin and looked him in the eyes. “She died, Justin. Daniel and I buried her next to your family.”

Justin was struggling for breath. The whole world seemed to be coming down around him. ‘This can't be right. I would feel it if you were dead, Sunny,’ he thought to himself.

He tore his tear-filled eyes away from Mrs. Montgomery’s stone-cold ones. He then tore his hand away from the doctor's just as cold grasp, and pushed at them both with his hands. “Get out of here! My baby didn’t die! And he wasn’t a girl. I had a little boy!” Justin insisted, crying.

Dr. Minton and Mrs. Montgomery both got up from the bed.

“I'll leave you to talk to your guardian,” the older man remarked, glaring at Justin. He then left the room.

Justin felt the air in the room close in around him. He gave Mrs. Montgomery a firm glare of his own that sent chills down her spine. Justin would have seen the woman visibly shiver if his eyes were not filled with angry unshed tears.

“I’m sorry, Justin,” she said, with false sensitivity. “This is the truth. Your little girl died. She just wasn’t strong enough. Dr. Minton told Daniel and me that it was probably because you didn’t exercise enough during your pregnancy. You kept trying to eat too much and you didn’t take care of the baby the right way.”

Justin buried his face in his hands. His whole body was silently shaking. He just could not believe it. He couldn’t!

Justin looked up at the woman; he held her gaze as he carefully got up from the bed and then dropped to his knees in front of her.

Startled, Mrs. Montgomery took a step back but Justin grabbed one of her hands and then placed his other hand on his so very empty, yet still pregnant looking belly.

“Please,” he begged, looking up at the woman whom his parents chose to protect him.

Mrs. Montgomery tried not to look at Justin. “What, Justin?” she asked, annoyed with his childish theatrics. “Please what?” She pulled her hand away.

Justin grabbed at her hand again. Desperately he clung to it and buried his face on her stomach. His body shook and tears fell down his pale cheeks. Snot imbedded itself into the over priced knock-off material of Mrs. Montgomery’s favorite lounge dress.

“Please, give me back my baby. I’ll do whatever you want, Mrs. Montgomery. Please...I need to hold him, Mrs. Montgomery. I need to touch him, feel him. He needs me too. I know he does. I know he needs me just as much as I need him. I can feel it. He can’t be gone!”

“She is gone, Justin,” the woman said strongly, backing away and causing Justin nearly to fall upon his stomach.

Justin looked up at the woman from the floor of his hell.

“If you insist on this nonsense and must see her grave, I will take you to it. You can mark it yourself tomorrow.” With those words she spun away and slammed the door upon leaving.

Justin put his head down on the floor. “Please God! Give me back my baby!” He then curled himself into a ball, his hands around his empty stomach. His entire young body ached with the pain of birth and the realization of death.