Chapter Four: “The Dream”

March 17, 2006

Brian hugged Justin for a few minutes and then stepped out of the embrace. It was a complete and total shock for him to see the boy standing at the front door of his office’s address. When he left America, he did not think that the boy would ever contact him, but now that the blond had, Brian knew he could not let Justin down. Even if what the boy had come there for, was only friendship.

“I’m so sorry for all of this,” Justin said softly.

“Don’t apologize for anything, okay?” Brian spoke. He walked outside and eyed Justin’s belongings. “You seemed to have brought your whole house.”

Justin looked dejected as he walked over to his things. “I’m sorry.” Justin bent down and started to pick up his suitcases, tears coming into his eyes as he tried to think about his future and what he was going to do now that he’d come to Ireland and it seemed that even though Brian was being nice he was definitely imposing on the man.

“Hey, hey.” Brian stopped Justin and grabbed the suitcases. “You aren’t supposed to be lifting that heavy thing are you? And I just told you not to apologize, remember.”

Justin let the largest case fall to the ground and quickly wiped at his eyes. “I don’t want to be an inconvenience to you, Brian. I never should have come here.”

Brian grabbed Justin’s hands in his own. “You aren’t an inconvenience, Justin. I want you here. I’m glad you came to me.”

“You are?” Justin asked.

“I am. I don’t want you to think otherwise, all right? I’m just surprised and I want you to tell me exactly what’s going on, but I think maybe we should go over to my apartment, get your things put away and then we can talk,” Brian told him.

“Okay,” Justin agreed. “But I thought this was your house?”

Brian laughed, “It might be one day. For now, this is where I keep my office. This is actually my Móraí’s, my grandmother’s home. However, she has been ill for the last couple of years so I moved my office from the building in the city to out here. This way I can keep an eye on her when I work in the office.”

“What is it that you do, Brian?” Justin asked, surprised that this was something they hadn’t talked about that night.

“Well, I went to school to be an architect, but now I focus on restoring old buildings throughout Ireland. When I went to New York I was meeting with a client who owns one that I just finished last week.”

“That sounds like a really amazing job,” Justin spoke in awe.

“It really is. I started with this property a few years ago and then I just could not stop. It’s so much better than building commercial spaces.”

“This place looks so amazing,” Justin, said as he assessed the beautiful stonewalls and intricate carvings of the castle.

“It has been in my family for hundreds of years. Generations will live here, someday me and my children will live here. But for now I keep an apartment in Dublin city. My grandmother doesn’t mind me here during the day when I am, but she says I’d over crowd her at night,” Brian laughed out.

“I can’t imagine you’d be over-crowded in a castle,” Justin spoke smiling.

“No,” Brian agreed. “Between you and me, I think she just tells me that because she knows I’ll never meet anyone ‘special’ if I’m sequestered away out here all day and night. Would you like to come in and meet her before we head to the apartment?”

Justin smiled nervously. “That’d be nice. Should I just leave this stuff out here?”

Brian nodded and took Justin’s hand. “No one should be coming out here today so your stuff will be safe. It is St. Patrick’s Day you know.”

Justin grinned. “I know. We do celebrate that in America.”

“More-so then us, I believe.” Brian smiled back at Justin as he led him through the large foyer and corridor of the old castle. He explained some of the history along the way.

Justin was in complete awe of the amazing rooms Brian showed him. “I can’t believe you grew up here.”

Brian paused in his tracks. “I almost didn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked, feeling the man’s hand tense in his own.

Brian shook his head. “Maybe I’ll tell you that story some other time.” He then led Justin into the large library where many books that traced his ancestry were stored. That definitely excited the boy and drew his attention away from what Brian was not ready to talk about; he wanted today to be a happy day. Justin had come to find him and even though the greeting was not what Brian had dared to hope it would be, the boy was still as welcome.

“I would love paint or sketch so many of the things in this place, Brian.” Justin could not hold in his excitement or smiles. He had not felt as good as he did today, in such a long time. “Everything is inspiring and romantic.”

“Maybe some day you can,” Brian told him. “I know my grandmother used to love to paint the architecture or the landscape. But her arthritis and other health problems have made it nearly impossible for her to get around easily. Now she usually paints from her imagination.”

“She paints!” Justin said excited. “That’s so great. I’d love to meet another artist.”

“Yeah, well come right this way. She’s probably in her studio now and you can see some of her landscapes.” Brian pulled Justin along with him until they stopped in front of a huge set of intricately carved, wooden double doors.

“Are you sure it’s all right if we disturb her?” Justin asked, growing nervous.

Brian smiled. “Of course, we won’t be disturbing her. She’ll be happy. My grandmother will love you.” Brian dropped Justin’s hand and knocked on the door.

“Brian, you had better not be coming up here to check on me again,” a woman’s voice yelled playfully from behind the large doors.

Brian laughed, “I’m not. I have a surprise, Móraí.”

“Come in then mo’ mac,” the woman laughed. “Come in.”

“Mo’ mac?” Justin whispered.

“It means ‘my son’,” Brian spoke, smiling. He opened the door and pulled Justin inside the studio with him by his hand. “And Móraí means ‘grandmother’,” he explained.

Betsy Kinney turned in her sitting chair and smiled at her grandson and the beautiful boy that stood beside him. “Well this is a surprise.”

Brian held Justin’s hand and walked closer to his grandmother. “Móraí this is my friend, Justin. Justin, this is my grandmother, Betsy Kinney.”

Justin flushed and walked cautiously forward until he reached the older woman. “I’m pleased to meet you, Mrs. Kinney.”

“Oh, come here and give me a hug. I might look old and frail but I assure you a hug will not kill me,” Betsy spoke softly.

Justin approached the woman and bent down, he was quite surprised at the strength with the old woman hugged him with. It felt nice though, almost the way his mother hugged him, before Justin disappointed her.

Brian came beside Justin as he stood up from the embrace. “Justin Taylor is a friend of mine from New York.”

Betsy eyed the blond boy up and down and then looked into her grandson’s eyes. “I’d say you should introduce him as more than a friend, Brian.”

Brian blushed and put his hand on Justin’s stomach. “No, Móraí, he is just a friend. This is not my child he is carrying.”

Betsy did not miss the regret in Brian’s tone or the flash of disappointment in the boy’s blue eyes as Brian spoke the words. “I am sorry then. You both would make a beautiful child together. Though I’m sure that any child of Justin’s will be very beautiful.”

“Móraí,” Brian laughed, “you’re embarrassing my guest.”

Betsy batted her hand in the air. “Oh please, mo’ mac, you are the one who should be embarrassed. You’re nearly thirty years old and I’m going to go to my grave without seeing your wedding or holding a grandchild.”

Justin watched the interaction between the two Kinneys with a smile on his face. As nervous as he was, it was nice to be in a home that seemed so relaxed.

“I am your grandchild,” Brian told her. “Have you forgotten this in your senile age?”

“Oh stop, Brian. I’m only sixty,” she huffed.

“And I’m only twenty-five,” Brian told her. “That’s hardly close to thirty.”

“I raised you as though I gave birth to you. You know what I mean. I don’t think it’s much to ask to see a grandchild before I go,” she laughed.

“Really Brian, she isn’t asking a lot,” Justin jumped in, laughing at Brian’s flustered reaction.

Brian turned toward Justin, but shut his mouth before he said what he had wanted to tell him. He turned back toward his grandmother after giving Justin a silly smile. “Justin is going to be staying with me for a while but we’re going to go into the city.”

“Playing hooky from work?” Betsy asked.

“I’m probably one of the only Irish men that aren’t drunk right now,” Brian told her smiling.

“You’re a good boy. If you hurry you can probably get home in time to watch the afternoon parade from your flat’s window,” she suggested.

Justin smiled. “That would be so cool.”

“Well, go on then,” Betsy, replied smiling at Justin’s enthusiasm.

“Do you want to come?” Brian asked.

“Oh, no I think I’m going to stay here and finish this painting. My hands seem to be doing well today,” she told them.

“That reminds me. Justin is an artist as well. I think he would love to see your paintings, I did not show him the gallery room yet. I thought I’d save that for you to show him another day,” Brian said, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh I’d love to show them show them,” she answered her grandson. “What kind of work do you do, Justin?”

“Well, I love to paint but I haven’t been able to recently. But I also really love to sketch,” Justin replied.

“Well, I’d love to hear more about what or who inspires you, Justin. It was lovely meeting you and I hope you’ll stop in to see me and have lunch with me tomorrow?”

Justin looked at Brian for confirmation, the older man nodded his head so he answered, “I’d be delighted, Mrs. Kinney. Thank you.”

“You are such a well mannered boy,” Betsy told him smiling. “It was lovely to meet you, but feel free to call me Betsy, all my friends do. I have a feeling we are going to become very good friends. How long is it that you are staying? It must not be very long; I can’t imagine the father of your baby would want to let you out of his site?” Betsy’s green eyes looked right into Brian’s as she spoke, though Justin did not notice.

Justin was trying to come up with an appropriate answer, but his thought process stopped as he heard Brian begin to speak.

“I think we’ll leave that for another time,” Brian told his grandmother in a firm voice he rarely had ever dared to use with her.

Betsy was flustered for a moment, but nodded her head. She knew that if Brian spoke in that tone of voice than there had to be something going on with Justin that was not up for discussion. However, she was sure that Justin would tell her the details once they became friends. She felt an unusual bond with the blond boy, and it was not only because he was a fellow artist. “You have fun watching the parade, Justin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I will. Thank you and I look forward to our lunch.”

***

December 25, 2005

“Shit, shit, shit!” Justin groaned around the toothbrush. He finished brushing his teeth and then put then washed his face and hands. He felt like complete and total shit.

“Justin, you okay in there?” Jennifer called from outside her son’s bathroom door. She had gone into his room to give him his special Christmas gift but heard him throwing up in the bathroom. She waited for a while, sitting on his bed, hoping he was all right and had not caught the flu Molly had last week.

Justin cautiously walked out of the bathroom. He still felt nauseous and the realizations clawing at his guts were not helping matters, “Hey. I think I got the flu Molly had.”

Jennifer got up from the bed and placed the wrapped box on Justin’s night table, “It seems like it. Though it could’ve been all that sugar you ate too. Why don’t you get back in bed?”

Justin nodded and walked over, noticing the present. “Oh you got me something else?”

Jennifer smiled. “I did.”

Justin got underneath his soft comforter and snuggled against the pillows, suddenly feeling much better. “Why didn’t you give it to me this morning?”

Jennifer placed the box onto Justin’s lap. “I wanted this to be special for you. I know what your father thinks about things like this. I didn’t want him to spoil it.”

Justin smiled brightly at his mother. This is what he loved about her, she was always giving him special gifts or spending time with him, often doing things that his father thought weren’t manly or a worthwhile way to spend time. Knowing this he was very excited to open the gift. It was sure to be something special.

Jennifer watched her son tear open the paper and smiled when she saw the look of shock on his face. “Do you like them?”

Justin sifted through the books. “I love them, Mom. How did you know?”

“I know this grounding has been really tough on you, but your father will get over it. Anyway, I noticed that every time we’ve gone to the library you’ve checked out all kinds of stuff about Ireland and the Irish culture. I figured that since you are stuck around here all the time, dreaming of far off places must take the monotony out of it a little bit?”

Justin placed the books back into the box and reached forward to hug his mother. “It does, Mom. Thank you.” He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to ward off the tears. His emotions were so unbalanced; he did not want her to be worried about him if she noticed his tears.

Jennifer pulled back and caressed her son’s pale face. “I guess you’ll have something to do today then? It doesn’t look like you’ll be able to go to Aunt Eleanor’s for Christmas dinner.”

Justin frowned, though he was secretly glad not to have to go, he would miss his mother and sister. “Probably not. I wouldn’t want to get everyone sick and I don’t think I’ll be able to eat anything anyway.”

“Well, I’ll bring you home a plate of the good stuff just in case you feel like eating later.” Jennifer kissed Justin’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever, so maybe you will.”

Justin nodded; he knew that he probably would. “Thanks, Mom. I really like everything you gave me this morning but this stuff is just so cool. I mean it is the whole package. A book about Irish castles, a book filled with Irish poetry, a book about Irish artists and one filled with pictures of landscapes. I love it! I couldn’t ask for more.”

“I’m glad, honey.” Jennifer gave her son another hug and kiss before she stood up. “Now be good while we’re gone. I think Daddy might be in the Holiday spirit and let you off your grounding. Maybe then you can go to the New Year’s Eve party you wanted to go to.”

Justin cringed; he definitely did not want to go to that now. “I’ll be good, Mom. It is Christmas day and I am sick. I don’t really think there’s any way for me to get into trouble.”

Jennifer laughed. “No, I guess not. We will be leaving in a few minutes and we should be back home by eight. I have my cell on so call me if you need something all right?”

“I will, Mom.” Justin managed a to smile at his mother as she left his room.

He listened for the noises of his family to leave their house. He waited in his bed for a few minutes and then dressed himself in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. As quickly as he could he left their apartment building and walked down to the 24/7 Mart and scanned the aisles. Nope, not much of a way for him to get into trouble, he was sure he had already landed himself there.

***

March 17, 2006

“That was so amazing! I never thought I’d see a real Irish St. Patrick’s day parade. And Brian, your building has such an amazing view…”

Brian laughed, “Wait until you get to see the view of the lake and the bridge with out all these people crowding around.”

“I can’t wait.” Justin grabbed Brian into his arms and hugged him. “You’re amazing for letting me stay here, Brian.”

Brian could feel his face heat up and his body tingle at Justin’s touch. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I know on the drive here we talked about what happened between Robbie and me a little, but I still don’t know what I should do while I’m here?”

“What do you mean?” Brian asked.

Justin walked away from the window and sat down on the couch. “I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

Brian sat down beside Justin, “I’m confused about your confusion.”

Justin laughed; he really loved how happy Brian constantly made him, “I mean what I am going to do while I live here? I am not a citizen so I cannot get a job. I do have some money for the baby and me, but I know that is not going to be enough. I can’t expect to just stay here forever.”

“Why not?” Brian asked in a completely serious tone.

Justin smacked Brian’s thigh. “Yeah right, as if you are going to want to deal with me when I am all big, fat, and pregnant. Wait, I’m already big and fat and pregnant.”

Brian turned closer to Justin and slowly put his hand on Justin’s bump, it was about the size of a cantaloupe, and Justin had remained trim everywhere else. “You aren’t big and fat. You must see that when you look at yourself in the mirror every day.”

Justin blushed and felt tingles around where Brian was touching his stomach, he knew that the brunet was only being nice to him. “When I look in the mirror I see that I have a huge stomach and ass and both are only going to get bigger.”

“You have a baby in here.” Brian looked up into Justin’s eyes and held them with his own. “It only makes you more beautiful, mo mhúirnín bán.”

“What does that mean, Brian?” Justin whispered, placing his hand on top of Brian’s fingers.

“My fair darling,” Brian answered him, his thumb rubbing back and forth over Justin’s belly button...

“For, ever since my childhood I loved the fair and darling child,” Justin spoke in a singsong, soft voice.

Brian continued the song, his words shaky, “But our people came between us, and the lucre our pure love defiled. Oh, my woe it is, and my bitter pain, and I weep at night and day, that the coleen dawn of my early love is torn from my heart away.” Brian took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He knew he needed to control himself or Justin may run off from him too, that was the last thing he wanted.

“Brian?” Justin questioned, noticing the man looked upset, he also noticed that Brian’s thumb had stopped its rubbing.

Brian opened his eyes. “I suppose you have been reading?”

Justin looked at Brian curiously, felt his thumb begin to move on his belly again and he decided the older man was okay. “I have.”

“Do you have a favorite?” Brian asked.

“I do. However, I am not able to memorize this one. But I have the book that it is in with me in my backpack.”

“Well I’d like to hear it, would you like me to show you to your room and we can put your things away first?”

Justin nodded. “That’d be fine. Only we still haven’t talked about what I’m going to do.”

Brian stood up and then held his hands out to help Justin up from the couch. “We’ll figure it out.”

“I know, but everything seems so messed up right now,” Justin confessed as he grabbed his backpack and a suitcase.

Brian picked up Justin’s container and the other luggage he piled on top of it. “Do you trust me, Justin?”

“I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t,” Justin replied instantly as they walked down the hallway.

“Then, trust that no matter what, I want you and the baby here as long as you need to be here. I will take care of you and you’ll be safe, okay?” Brian told him, stopping at a closed door and placing the luggage on the floor.

“I do trust you, Brian. I just am worried I did not think this through. Maybe I should have gone to France and…”

“Had them take your baby away?” Brian said loudly, his voice echoing in the hall.

Justin jumped, dropping his bags to the ground. “Yes!”

Brian grabbed Justin into his arms. “Shh… I am sorry I did not mean to yell. I just I do not want that Justin. I know you don’t want that either and I want you to just stop worrying. You came here for my help and I’m going to give it to you.”

Justin buried his face into Brian’s chest. “I don’t want you to have to pay for everything. I want your friendship, not your pity.”

Brian brought Justin out of his embrace and wiped the few tears that had fallen down the boy’s pale cheeks and turned Justin’s chin up. He met Justin’s teary blue eyes, with his warm hazel ones. “Listen to me, Justin. I have more money, because of my family, than me and a hundred people could ever use up in our lifetimes. I work because I want to. If my money, support and friendship will help you, than I am begging you, please stop feeling bad about it. That does not help a damn thing and I know stress is not good for you when you are pregnant. If you want, we can discuss a way that you might be able to help me with my job or something, if you feel like you need to earn your keep. Nevertheless, I do not ever want you to think that you and your child would be better off apart, just because you feel bad that you may have to take my help. I am your friend. You came here for my help and I’m not going to stop helping you until I know you do not need me anymore.”

“Okay, Brian,” Justin whispered.

“Good, now how about I show you your room, you read me that poem you like and then we both leave our worries behind and have a nice meal delivered for dinner. I bet you’re hungry.”

“I could eat.”

Brian opened the door to one of the guest bedrooms. “Here it is.”

Justin walked in and looked around before speaking in amazement, “Brian, this is beautiful. Thank you.”

“Oh, I’m glad you like it. It isn’t as large as the spare room beside the master but I haven’t gotten to actually fixing that up yet.”

Justin lay back on the bed and smiled at Brian. “This is wonderful. My room in New York didn’t even have a queen sized bed.”

Brian leaned against the doorway and smiled at Justin. “Well sometimes my friend Cynthia stays here with me. She lives in Pittsburgh but she went to school here.”

Justin sat up. “Oh, well I wouldn’t want to put your friend out, Brian.”

“Don’t worry about it, she rarely visits now that she has her own family and can’t find the time,” Brian told him and walked around the room. “Remember, no worries for the rest of the day. Besides, she loves my grandmother and can always stay with her if she visits. Now, you have a decent sized closet here and through this door is your own bathroom but it shares a door near the living room so be aware of that.”

Justin grabbed his things and began to unpack his backpack. “Brian?”

Brian walked over and sat across from Justin. “Yeah?”

“I know I’m not supposed to be worrying about anything, but I’m really scared.” Justin placed his hand on top of Brian’s that had gone for his sketchbook.

Brian looked at Justin and gulped, the boy looked so beautiful with the sunset shining in through the bedroom’s windows. “What are you scared of?”

“I am scared that all of this is just a dream. I’m scared that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and I’ll be back at my Aunt Eleanor’s house,” Justin confessed.

Brian gulped, “We can… both fall asleep on the sofa bed in the living room tonight, if you want.” For some reason, the idea of sleeping on the sofa bed wasn’t as intimate as sleeping in an actual bed together.

Justin laughed. “I think that might help. Maybe then I won’t be so scared to fall asleep.”

Brian nodded and tried not to think about how torturous his night of sleep would become. “Are you ready to read to me now?”

Justin nodded, taking his hand away from Brian’s and grabbing up his book. He flipped it open; forgetting that on the very page the note lye was also the letter he kept from Brian as well as his unborn child’s ultra-sound.

“What’s that?” Brian asked reaching forward and grabbing the picture. “Is this the baby?”

“Yeah.” Justin smiled and carefully slipped the letter into another page. He did not want Brian to see how weathered it had become. He would surely know then, that Justin took it out and read it constantly.

Brian examined the photo. “It says you are nineteen weeks along.”

“Yeah, that’s the actual months of pregnancy the way the doctors count it, even though they count from before I was actually pregnant. I’m 19 weeks gestation, that is the time of the actually babies growth but 21 weeks, almost 22 now.”

Brian’s mind reeled. “But that’s right around the time when we had sex, Justin.”

“You used a condom,” Justin told him, realizing what Brian was thinking. Knowing that it was something he himself probably wished was true, but knew that it was not.

“You and Robbie didn’t?” Brian asked, trying to keep the disgust out of his voice.

“Of course we did. But it broke, Brian,” Justin told him. “The ones we used didn’t, did they?”

Brian shook his head because he was certain he would have noticed if they had. “No, they didn’t. So, tell me about the baby?”

“Brian.” Justin smiled. “Am I ever going to read you my favorite Irish poem?”

“Yeah, you’re off the hook for now. But I want to know about the baby over dinner.” Brian smirked.

Justin smiled so brightly, it was so fucking nice to know that Brian had genuine interest in his pregnancy. It would be wonderful to share it with him.

Brian stared at the picture of the baby in his hands until Justin started to speak, then he could not keep his eyes off the blond’s blue eyes. “It’s called “The Dream” by Thomas Moore.” Justin cleared his throat before he started to read.

Brian had to refrain himself from kissing Justin as the boy began to read his own favorite poem. He listened intently to the words spoken from the pink lips.

“I thought this heart consuming lay on Cupid's burning shrine. I thought he stole thy heart away and placed it near to mine. I saw thy heart begin to melt like ice before the sun; till both a glow congenial felt, and mingled into one.”

Brian’s hear beat so quickly in his chest with each word spoken; he was surprised that Justin could not hear it. He was surprised he could hear Justin speaking over the pounding.

“So?” Justin asked, taking the picture from Brian’s still fingers and putting it back inside the book as he closed it up.

Brian gulped, “Dealramh no gréine, you chose well.”

Justin wanted to ask what Brian had spoken in Irish, but he had the feeling that the man wouldn’t tell him. “I did? You don’t think it’s too cheesy… too…”

“Of all the Irish poems you could have chosen as your favorite, you also chose mine,” Brian whispered.

“Did I really?” Justin asked.

Brian nodded. “You may have not noticed yet, but I have that poem framed on my mantle, Justin.”

“That’s so…” Justin did not have words to describe how great it made him feel to know that he and Brian both loved those words.

“You can see for yourself. How about we go order a pizza?” Brian stood up on shaky legs and led Justin out of the bedroom. He could not wrap his mind around this. He did not believe in coincidences. He believed in fate. Ever since he had met Justin, he felt as though it had been knocking steadily upon his heart’s door.

***

New York

Jennifer closed her cell phone and then dialed Andrea’s phone number, her friend instantly picked up. “Did you find him, Jen?”

“He changed his flight to Dublin Ireland,” she spoke in a whisper.

“What?”

Jennifer sat down on her bed. “I can’t talk very loudly, Craig’s in the next room.”

“Does Justin know someone there?” Andrea was well versed in these types of conversations with Jennifer.

“Yes,” Jennifer spoke in a normal tone.

“Do you think he’s safe?”

“I have a feeling that he is, yes.”

“Do you think he might be with the baby’s father?”

“I… I am not sure. I believe so but I have to think this out. Call me tomorrow morning.”

“You’re going to tell him that Justin got here just fine then?”

“I have to. I have to put my son and grandchild’s needs first and my intuition is telling me that I need to do this,” Jennifer replied with a sigh. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Andrea. You’re the best friend in the world.”

“You too Jen, I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Bye,” Andrea said before hanging up.

“Hey, did Justin make it there okay?” Craig asked, walking into their bedroom.

“Yeah, he’s asleep though. Jet lag,” Jennifer lied.

***

February 25, 2006

Jennifer stood up from her son’s bed and kissed his cheek. She leaned over and was about to turn off the lamp on his nightstand when she noticed a piece of an envelope, the last letters of Justin’s name written on it, sticking out of his sketchbook.

She was never a mother that snooped, but her intuition was telling her that this time she needed to. As silently as possible, she lifted the pad and opened it. The first page had at least a dozen sketches of a very handsome young man’s face in various expressions. Jennifer could tell this man was not a boy in the least. She held onto the letter in one hand as she flipped to the next page. Before her eyes, she saw a sketch of the man naked. Her hands shook as she turned to the next page and saw more sketches of different parts of the man’s body. The name of each body part, wrote underneath the drawing of the body. Her son had sketched every area of the man’s body, beginning with “Brian’s neck” and ending with “Brian’s feet.” Justin most definitely had found his muse.

Jennifer carefully opened the envelope, took out the pieces of stationary and opened them. A tiny business card had been placed inside. She read it carefully, her mind unknowingly memorizing the man’s full name. She then started to read the letter, her heart beating out of her chest as she read the words. She felt angry but she also realized that this man truly cared for her son. She was not sure exactly who he was to Justin or how her son had met him, but she also knew that she needed to put everything back in its place.

Shame clouded Jennifer’s body as finally turned out the light on her son’s nightstand, tucking the letter further into the sketchbook and then left the room of her pregnant son.

***

Early morning hours of March 18, 2006

Justin crawled onto the sofa bed. “Thanks for doing this. I think I’ll sleep much better with you beside me on my first night here.”

“No problem,” Brian replied, lifting the covers for Justin and trying hard not to watch the boy’s graceful movements too closely. “This way we can watch T.V. until we fall asleep.”

Justin smiled as he got himself comfortable. “Sounds good to me.”

“Do you want popcorn? I can make some?” Brian asked.

“No, that’s all right. I did nearly eat a whole large pizza,” he laughed.

Brian reached beside him and rubbed Justin’s tummy. “The baby was hungry. So technically you only ate half of it.”

“Oh!” Justin put his hand on top of Brian’s hand.

“Are you all right? Do you have indigestion or something? I can get you something,” Brian spoke trying to remove his hand but Justin held it in place.

“No.” Justin smiled at the Irishman as he took Brian’s hand away and lifted his t-shirt, for the first time feeling comfortable with his growing stomach. “I felt the baby Brian! I finally felt the baby! I thought I had before, but not like this, not like this. I waited and I waited and now I feel it for real!” Justin’s hands skimmed along his skin. “Did you feel it?”

Brian shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Justin stared at Brian, smiling and raising his eyebrow.

“What?” Brian asked.

“See if you can feel it.” Justin said moving one of his hands away from his belly.

“You sure?” Brian asked.

Justin nodded, “I like it when you touch my belly Brian. It makes me; it makes me not feel ashamed.”

Brian reached over and softly touched his hand to Justin’s stomach as he looked into the blue eyes illuminated by the television’s light. “Don’t ever be ashamed of this. It does not matter how the baby happened, Justin. Bringing a life into the world is never anything to be ashamed of.”

“Brian, when you say this kind of stuff to me, it makes me believe it,” Justin admitted. He put his hand on top of Brian’s and pressed down a little. “There it is, Brian.”

“I felt it Justin!”

“You did, and oh my god it’s so cool, but it tickles and it feels so funny too. I can’t explain it,” Justin laughed.

Brian leaned over and placed a kiss on Justin’s belly, “Dia dhuit leanbán.”

Justin giggled, “What did you say?”

“If I tell you I might have to kill you,” Brian joked, leaning back onto his pillows and smiling at Justin.

Justin pulled his shirt down. “I remember you spoke to me in Irish the night we met. Are you ever going to tell me what you said?”

Brian closed his eyes and remembered that night, his dick awakened under the memories as well. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not sure I remember them,” Brian lied.

“Oh,” Justin spoke sadly. He remembered them all. “Can you at least give me a hint as to what you said when you kissed my belly?

Brian smirked and gave in to the blond. “I said, ‘hello baby’.”

Justin smiled and turned his attention to the television, though he was not exactly concentrating on the comedy program. “Irish is such a romantic sounding language,” Justin sighed pulling the covers up tightly around him.

Brian closed his eyes, suddenly feeling very tired from the day’s surprises. “Yes it is, mo grá.”

Justin remembered Brian calling him that when they had made love, he turned to ask Brian what that word meant, but before he could; he saw that the man was already deeply asleep. He grabbed the remote and flicked the television off before turning onto his side and inching himself closer to Brian.

Brian was not actually asleep, but he knew that the blond probably thought he was. He felt Justin’s warm body slide up against his own body and could not help but to sleepily roll over closer to the boy and put his arms around Justin’s waist.

Brian felt Justin’s body tense for a few minutes, but then he felt movement and soon the blond’s head tucked under his chin, and his nose was inhaling the boy’s scent. He stayed awake for another hour trying to fight his growing erection as Justin lay, sleeping peacefully in his arms.