Chapter Seven: “Understanding”

Dublin, Ireland - Sunday April 9, 2006

3rd Person P.O.V.

“Who are all those people?” Justin asked Betsy, peeking out the balcony windows overlooking the back garden.

“Get away from that window.” Betsy grabbed Justin’s arm and tugged him away from view. She chastised him playfully, “You don’t want them all to see you.”

Justin laughed, walking away from the large windows. “Betsy, they’ve never met me so they won’t even know who they’re seeing if they do. Besides, I’m not exactly a bride.”

“No,” Betsy agreed, fixing Justin’s tie and brushing imaginary lint from the shoulders on his jacket. “Well, they do know that you’re pregnant, Justin.”

Justin gasped. “But…”

Betsy smiled. “This suit jacket hides a lot but it can’t hide that. News of the Duke Kinney having a partner pregnant with his child travels fast.”

Betsy and Brian had told Justin the story of Brian’s heritage as soon as they’d started to plan the ceremony. Justin was floored with the story they both acted like wasn’t a big deal. He had other opinions on it and nearly backed out of the marriage. He didn’t want Brian to get into trouble because of him or disgrace him by calling it off, so he’d agreed to all the rituals Betsy and Brian planned.

Honoring the family wedding rituals went along with marrying Irish Royalty, but Justin hadn’t realized how intricate each one was. He was extremely nervous about the whole ordeal and their future too. It seemed like every day he was getting in deeper in Brian’s life. Now, he’d be married to a duke. He would also carry that title and receive the country’s respect that came along with it, no matter what his past held. It seemed like a dream, but it was his reality. He was marrying Duke Brian Kinney.

What made it all his nervousness worse was that Betsy acted as though the marriage was real. She kept telling Justin how happy she was that he was marrying Brian. She told him how glad she felt knowing that if anything happened to her Brian would have someone to take care of him. She’d even told Justin that morning that she’d dreamed of Brian’s wedding day for a long, long time and that it was the next best day of her life, second only to the day of Brian’s birth.

Justin had reminded her a few times, when they were alone, that he and Brian weren’t actually getting married. He’d told her it was a marriage of convenience. Nevertheless, she ignored him and so Justin stopped reminding her. At times he got lost in the happiness of the upcoming wedding, but the fast rush of excitement halted when he awoke that morning of the wedding.

Now Justin felt terrified. He didn’t want to break Betsy’s heart when he left, because he knew that one day he would have to. He also was afraid that he would embarrass her and Brian at the wedding or at the reception if he did something wrong. He’d thought the rituals were fun as they discussed and practiced them, but now they all seemed muddled in his brain.

“You’ll do fine my boy,” Betsy said, reading his mind. She squeezed his hands in hers and looked him over. “You’re going to make my Brian happy.”

Justin paled. “Betsy, I… you know that we’re only getting married because…”

“Never mind that,” Betsy interrupted him, stepping back. “You’re making my Brian happy. He was so lonely before you came here.”

Justin couldn’t imagine someone as outspoken and charming as Brian, ever to be lonely. He realized that he’d not met any of Brian’s friends that weren’t clients. The man was reclusive; Betsy had told him that and more. The more the blond thought about all of the stories Betsy told him, the sadder it made him at the prospect of leaving. But, he knew he would, one day. He couldn’t just let Brian put his own life on hold for him. Even if it made him happy doing the good he was for him, that wasn’t how Justin thought Brian deserved to live his life.

“Come on,” Betsy said, bringing Justin’s thoughts back to the present. She kissed his cheek. “It’s time for you to get married.”

***

Brian’s P.O.V.

As Justin and I walked toward one another and met in front of Father Glen, the look on Justin’s face scared me. I was sure he was about to bolt, but he didn’t. I took his hands in my own and felt them shaking so I leaned in and kissed his cheek and whispered, “Calm down, mo grá.”

He nodded and instantly I felt his hands relax and he gave me a small, grateful smile. I ran one of my hands down the lapel of his suit and lightly touched the boutonnière that matched my own. My grandmother had made them from the Bells of Ireland she grew in her garden and tied them together with a simple knot of lover’s twine. The bells were the same color as Justin’s eyes, but the flower’s beauty had nothing on Justin’s.

We turned and faced the crowd seated in white chairs along the garden’s lawn. My grandmother was walking down the long isle between them. She was dressed in a billowing green dress; her long red curly hair blew in the light breeze. Her face was lit up in a smile and I felt so happy, knowing that my happiness of today was hers too. She carried in her hands a long strand of lover’s rope and when my Grandmother finally stood before us I saw tears shining in her green eyes.

“Mo páiste,” she spoke softly and reached up to touch my face before giving me a gentle kiss on my cheek. She spoke the same two words to Justin and kissed his cheek before handing the soft rope to the priest and going to sit down in the front row.

Justin grabbed both of my hands in his, obviously remembering how we’d practiced this part two days ago. He still looked extremely nervous but his smile was now brighter and stronger. I stepped closer to him, hearing the Priest direct me to do so as he began to recite in Irish, the passage for the lover’s rope ritual.

When he was finished speaking he blessed the rope and began to tie it around our joined hands and wrists. The ends of the rope fell between us, resting upon Justin’s belly. I kept staring into Justin’s eyes, willing him to understand how much this union meant to me. Hoping, he could see that to me this was real. This was necessary.

Then, in English, Father Glen gave us another blessing. This was Justin’s favorite from the book he had and one of my surprises to him. His eyes widened and got glassy as he recognized it from the first five words spoken from Father Glen.

“May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace. May your troubles grow few as your blessings increase. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. May your hands be forever clasped in friendship and your hearts joined forever in love. Your lives are very special; God has touched you in many ways. May his blessings rest upon you and fill all your coming days.”

My Grandmother then came to stand right behind us. She wiped the tears from Justin’s face, then passed our rings to the priest, over our joined hands. “Now you are both the son’s of my heart,” she said, lightly placing her hands over ours. Justin and I thanked her and then she went to sit down her chair once again.

“With God’s and your Grandmother’s blessing upon this marriage it is now time for you both to vow your own blessings to one another,” the Priest told us. This part of the ceremony was more familiar to Justin. Though our hands were tied, so it was the Priest who placed the ring on Justin’s finger. He then prompted me to speak my vow.

I ran the tips of my fingers over the ring and held his eyes with my own as I spoke in a sure voice,

“We swear by peace and love to stand. Heart to heart and hand to hand.

Hark, O Spirit, and hear us now. Confirming this, our Sacred Vow.”

“With the blessings and Brian’s loving vow, you have now become, Duke Justin Taylor. I now must ask you. Do you affirm this vow is from your heart and also do you vow to be true to, Duke Brian Kinney?” Father Glen asked Justin.

Justin nodded his head and softly spoke, “I do.”

The Priest nodded and then slid the other ring onto my finger and asked Justin to give the vow in return. His voice shook a little as he spoke, but his eyes held mine, giving me hope that maybe, just maybe he believed in the words too.

“Duke Brian Kinney, do you affirm this vow is from your heart, and also do you vow to be true to, Duke Justin Taylor-Kinney?”

I nodded and replied, “I do.”

Father Glen then reached toward us and began to unravel the rope. “As I unwind this lover’s rope, your bond to one another will only become stronger. The promise of living your life together as one will need no binds now.” The Priest held the rope then in his hands and spoke a long Irish blessing as he held it. He then tied the two ends together, braiding them in an infinity knot before placing it back in our hands. “May this symbol of infinity hang above the most sacred of doors in your home, so that when in times of sorrow or trouble it will be a reminder of the vows you made today. I ask you to kiss and seal this commitment and I ask you all to welcome the Dukes Brian and Justin Kinney.”

I grabbed Justin into my arms and slowly leaned down to touch his lips with mine. I’d really been looking forward to this moment. Justin gave me an odd look right before our lips touched, but as they met, his eyes closed and we both lost ourselves in the kiss.

The crowd’s clapping and cheering alerted us to part much too soon. I grabbed his hand and turned us toward the crowd of people who were now standing and we walked hand in hand down the long middle isle, a mix of wild flowers and rice landing upon us as we picked up our pace and made a mad dash for the house.

***

New York City - 3rd Person Point of View

“Was that Andrea?” Craig asked, coming into the kitchen.

Jennifer pocketed her cell phone and nodded. “Yes. She just wanted to give me an update.”

Craig looked into the pan cooking on the stove. “You’re making stir fry?”

“Yes.” Jennifer nodded, trying her best to remain calm, cool and collected.

Craig popped a piece of the cooking shrimp in his mouth and chewed while he spoke. “Did Justin sign the papers for Andrea to adopt the bastard child?”

Jennifer wanted to slap the man, but she resisted and began to chop the carrots, taking her anger out on the cutting board. Once she felt she could speak in her normal tone she told him. “Because it is an international adoption there is a longer process and Andrea wants to wait until Justin has the last of the baby’s amniocentesis test resul…”

“I don’t care for the details, Jen,” Craig interrupted. “I just need to know that some progress is being made with getting the situation taken care of.”

Jennifer thought to herself about everything she’d begin to arrange and smiled politely at her husband. “Yes. There is progress with getting the situation taken care of, Craig.”

Craig ran his hand down his wife’s arm, not realizing how close he was to getting it chopped off. “Thanks dear.” He then kissed her cheek and left the kitchen.

Jennifer silently fumed but her anger only made her resolve to leave the man and give him exactly what he deserved even stronger. She’d spoken privately to Molly early that morning after Craig had left for work. She told her daughter the truth of the situation with both Justin and their marriage. Molly had revealed that she’d gone to visit him during her lunch period one day a few months prior and had caught her father kissing another woman. Craig did not know that she’d caught him and Molly apologized and told her mother that she was scared he would send her away too if she told. Jennifer was thankful that Molly didn’t know how close it had been to that happening.

Jennifer assured Molly that she knew of Craig’s unfaithfulness for a long time before and that she understood why she had not confessed to seeing him kissing another woman in his office. By Molly’s description of her, it was a different woman than the client Craig had been with in Hawaii. Molly told Jennifer that she wanted nothing to do with her father and would never tell of her mother’s plan to find Justin and his baby.

Molly loved and missed her brother and she knew that her father was to blame for the time she’d lost with him. Craig rarely paid any attention to her and even though she didn’t think that her father would fight her mom for custody, she knew that she would tell the courts that she never wanted to have anything to do with him. Even at her young age, she saw through him and knew he wasn’t a good man. She’d known that long before she saw him kissing another woman. He never treated her mother or brother well and she was glad that her mother was finally going to get them both away from him.

She couldn’t wait for the day that she would finish the school year and go with her mother to find her older brother.

***

Dublin, Ireland  - 3rd Person P.O.V.

Justin sat down in his chair at the groom’s table and let out a long tired sigh as he glanced around the crowded ballroom. He couldn’t believe the fuss around him which was all for a shotgun wedding that wasn’t real to the two people to whom it was supposed to mean everything. The more the day had worn on, the worse he felt for deceiving them all.

So many people had congratulated him and Brian. There were stacks of cards and presents filling the receiving tables in the hall. Kinney relatives hugged and kissed him, mothers and fathers doted on him, taking guesses as to what he and Brian’s child would look like. Brian’s cousin had given him a baby cap that she’d said every Kinney child had worn. The cap; made from a Duchess’ wedding gown held great meaning to the Kinney’s. Justin had gratefully accepted the gift, but inside he felt like crawling in a hole.

At least a hundred people had told him how absolutely perfect he and Brian were suited for each other. Some hinted to the horrible start in life Brian was given and how great of a man he’d become in spite of it. A start in life that Justin knew nothing about, but pretended he did. He was sure that they all assumed that any couple in love and newly married would know about the other’s past. However, Justin knew next to nothing.

He smiled and accepted the blessings bestowed to them and as he had with the preparations for the weeding, he lost himself in the joy of it all. At times, he felt and believed it all to be real. Then, reality would come back into focus. None of the sentiments and happiness could mean anything really. It couldn’t last. Duke Brian Kinney did not love him. His child was a bastard in the Catholic religion’s eyes, and he would one day be but a distant memory to all the people before him.

At times, guests raised questions that bothered Justin. However, Brian handled most of them well. The reasons for Justin’s family not attending the ceremony he easily explained away because of the travel conditions and the immediate need for the wedding. Most of the guests knew the story of Justin needing to keep citizenship, but they all believed that Brian and Justin’s engagement was a long time coming. Betsy’s gossip had travelled easily amongst the guests. Justin’s age however did throw some guests through a loop, but when Brian told them that ‘love knew no bounds’, they fell for the romantic line and wished them all the best.

The older man hadn’t let Justin out of his site the entire afternoon until Justin had finally given in to his nerves told him that he wanted to rest before they had their last dance. This would be another custom, one where he and Brian would dance by themselves and at the end, leave the party to go onto their honeymoon, though they’d explained to guests that Justin didn’t feel up to travelling. So they would be going home to honeymoon, or so everyone thought.

The blond watched Brian dancing with Betsy. Both Kinney’s floated effortlessly across the dance floor. They seemed to be bursting with joy and Justin realized that they too, had become lost in all the excitement.

“Mr. Taylor. Or should I address you as Mr. Kinney now?”

Justin looked beside him and tried not to roll his eyes. “Mr. Kinney is fine.”

Brogan touched Justin’s ring for a moment. “I still can’t believe Brian Kinney finally decided to settle down and get married. I never would have thought he would.”

Justin wasn’t going to let the man talk ill of Brian. “Jealous?”

Brogan laughed as he took a long drink from his glass of whiskey. “Hardly. Just curious as to why he’d choose to go through with everything he did. You do know about his past right?”

Justin felt the day’s tension boiling within him. He turned and faced Brogan. “Whoever Brian was before we met is of no consequence to me. It’s who he is now that counts. I’m sorry… or rather I’m not sorry that he couldn’t be happy with you like you so obviously want. But how long ago was that?”

“It wasn’t so long ago,” Brogan, told him, his eyes narrowing. “I mean, obviously he had to marry you to keep you in the country and because you’re with child. But… to go as far as he did with the ceremony. You must be quite a catch.”

Justin furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh,” Brogan laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure you’re a great guy, Justin Taylor. And, I don’t want Brian Kinney for myself. You’re wrong about that. I honestly don’t understand how someone could tie himself, his life, to Brian so fully. He’s a difficult man and if anyone that knows that, I do.”

“You obviously don’t know Brian like I do,” Justin hissed in a whisper. “I’m happy to be tied to him.”

“But, with no out clause?” Brogan shook his head. “I’m all for the two of you getting married. But the whole, ‘no law or earthly force will separate thee’ thing, the binding lover’s rope and infinity knot. That’s pretty intense.”

Justin tried not to show his shock. He didn’t understand much of what Father Glen had spoken in Irish, but he’d thought it was all a blessing, not a… what was that? What in the fuck had Brian had the man do? Before Justin could say anything back to Brogan, he saw Brian walking toward him, smiling, and had his eyes only focused on him.

“Hey,” Brian said, leaning down and giving Justin’s lips a soft kiss. “Are you ready to have our last dance?”

Justin tried not to show the anger and confusion he felt. He wouldn’t embarrass Brian or Betsy. He also wasn’t sure if he should believe what had come out of Brogan’s mouth or not. He and Brian weren’t going to go home and have a private honeymoon; they’d be having a very intense private conversation.

He took Brian’s hand and stood up from the chair. “Sure.”

Brian looked at Justin and ran one of his hands over his stomach. “Are you feeling okay? You look….”

“I’m fine,” Justin interrupted and took Brian’s hand off his stomach. “Let’s go dance.”

Brian leaned into Justin and spoke in his ear, “Wait. If you’re not feeling okay we don’t have to do this.”

Justin lightly pushed Brian away from him a little. “It is part of the tradition, a ritual right?”

“Yeah… but you’re more important. Whatever you want to do is fine with me. I could care less about the fucking traditions,” Brian stopped speaking when he saw Justin’s face scrunch up with anger. The younger man’s blue eyes turned dark and he shook his head at him. Brian looked behind him and noticed Brogan looking at their every move. “Did Brogan say something to you?” Brian whispered.

Justin realized he was showing too much emotion. He didn’t want their guests seeing him get angry. “No. No…I’m just tired. One dance and then we can go home.”

***

New York

“You think it’s my fault, don’t you?” Mica cried.

“No, no baby,” Robbie rubbed his wife’s back.

“But…but now we can’t even have anymore,” she whimpered.

Robbie rubbed Mica’s empty belly. “We’ll adopt then.”

“No one’s going to let two teenagers adopt a kid, Robbie. Be serious. Now everything is totally fucked. I’m not going to get my inheritance and neither are you.”

“I’ll still get mine,” Robbie told her firmly.

“How the hell are you going to do that?” Mica asked, wiping the tears from her face.

Robbie sighed. “Justin.”

Mica’s eyes got wide. “You knocked him up and you didn’t tell me!”

“No…well, he swore it was mine Mica but I wasn’t so sure. Besides, his parents shipped him off somewhere or something. I don’t even know if he kept it.”

Mica narrowed her bloodshot eyes and growled, “I want to have your baby, Robbie.”

***

Dublin, Ireland

“You lied to me, Brian! When I asked you what all that Irish stuff meant you told me it wasn’t important.” Justin paced back and forth in front of his husband. “I don’t think anything could’ve been more important!”

“I… I didn’t lie, Justin.” Brian tried to take the man in his arms but Justin pushed him away.

“What were you thinking? Why would you do something like this?”

“Justin I…”

“No!” Justin held up his hand. “Don’t! You fucked up your life, don’t you get that?”

“I didn’t, Justin. I wanted to…”

“Help me,” Justin interrupted. “I know. But you didn’t have to go so far. You know that I can’t stay here forever, Brian. You’re not the father of my baby and they all think you are. You have all the fucking rights to her now! That isn’t fair. It isn’t right. What if Robbie wanted my baby and me? Now I can’t even fucking leave you! You didn’t give me the choice. You’re just as bad as my parents!”

“Fuck!” Brian roared. “Let me fucking explain, Justin.”

“You can’t explain this Brian. Whether you meant to tie me to you for fucking life or not, you can’t explain this away. It’s set in fucking stone. You’re the all powerful Duke Kinney, and I’m no one!”

“Shut up for minute,” Brian growled, getting in Justin’s face. He took the boy into his arms and attacked Justin’s lips with his own.

Just before Justin felt himself opening his mouth to Brian’s kiss he felt the other man pull away from him. “What are you doing?” he demanded.

Brian stared into Justin’s eyes, he could feel tears prickling the backs of his own, but he fought them off. He spoke in a gravelly voice, “None of it means anything. Not a single ritual.” He pointed to the wedding ring on Justin’s finger. “Not one single vow or tradition means shit unless we consummate our marriage.”

“What?” Justin said, confused.

Brian turned away from the boy, feeling his heart breaking. “I have to fuck you… to consummate the marriage. Or it doesn’t mean shit… in the eyes of the law.”

“Oh,” Justin whispered. His emotions were now a mix of relief, regret and something else he couldn’t place. He walked over to Brian and put his hand on the man’s back. “I’m sorry.”

Brian turned around and let Justin see into his soul. He felt completely ripped open. He laid himself bare, letting the boy see how he felt. “Forgiven,” he spoke quietly. He reached in, drew Justin into his embrace, and felt the younger boy melt into his arms. It may have seemed like he forgave Justin’s accusations too easily, but Brian knew that Justin had a right to be pissed. More so, because Brian knew that he wasn’t going to let that little stipulation ruin anything. He’d find a way to have Justin Kinney in his bed. He’d show Justin just what it was like to have a husband that loved him and his child unconditionally.

XXXXX