KYLE

At first I though this week would be boring without Brian and Justin around. Instead you have Emmett freaking out over Ted suggesting Drew would have a football themed wedding. And Michael taking my article to show everyone his name in print. It’s like without Brian and Justin, they get crazier.

“Teddy, has Drew told you something about the wedding?” Emmett is practically hysterical.

“Emmett, if Drew wants to add a little football, be nice about it.” Deb tells him.

“You could always dress in his football jersey.” Michael adds.

“We could wear team homo shirts and I can get buttons with dick jokes.” Deb tells him.

“I think we should get to wear the padding. It would be the only time in my life I would look built.” Ted tells them.

“I WANTED A TASTEFUL WEDDING!” Emmett screams at us while fanning himself.

“Calm down Emmett. Hey did you see the article Kyle wrote? It has my name in it.” Michael tells the whole diner.

‘WE KNOW MICHAEL.” The whole diner yells.

“I don’t care if you get named for the Nobel Peace Prize, Michael. Focus on the fact that Drew is trying to turn my wedding to an after game event.” Emmett tells them.

“Guys in tights, that’s right up your alley, Michael.” I tell him. It didn’t take me long to speak Liberty Avenue. Remind me to thank them for helping to turn me into them.

“Please don’t mention guys wearing tights, I keep seeing the strippers.” Michael whines.

“Michael, get over it. I bet you tried to get Ben to dress up as Captain Astro a time or two.” Ted tells them.

“I want to talk about my wedding, but you know, that could be hot.” Emmett tells us.

“DO NOT DEFILE MY SUPERHEROES.” Michael really got some volume behind that.

“What’s wrong with your superheroes, Michael?” Ben asked as he sat down. I notice Michael’s screaming doesn’t affect Ben.

“Nothing Ben, don’t encourage them.” Michael tells Ben.

“Is it true Michael gets you to dress as Captain Astro?” Ted asks. Ben looks at Michael.

“I didn’t tell them, they were just guessing.” Michael tells Ben.

“I don’t think it’s a guess anymore.” Emmett adds.

“It was only once.” Michael tells everyone.

“Michael, could you work on not blurting shit out?” Ben asks him.

“Ben everyone role plays, it adds spice.” Emmett tells him.

“What have you role played?” Ted asks Emmett.

“Nothing really, I just let Drew pretend to tackle me. Man, I was just about over your announcement that Drew was going to use football as a theme. Teddy you have to talk to him.” Emmett tells them.

“Emmett, We are talking about Drew here. He probably hired the planners and told them to do what they liked.” Ben tells him.

“That’s even worse. Planners left to do what they want is like Deb and Christmas decorations.” Emmett tells them.

“Wow, you think it will be that beautiful?” Deb asks Emmett.

“Beautiful is what I was looking for, not overblown and gaudy.” Emmett tells everyone. Deb swats Emmett on the head.

“What if Drew uses the team colors?” Michael asks. I think we should swat Michael.

“Oh God, I wanted fabulous, instead I’ll be the only person dressed for a wedding, while the others are dressed for training camp.” Emmett needs a Prozac.

“I was kidding. You know if that was Drew told me football was the theme, I would have steered him in another direction.” Ted tells Emmett.

“I’ll get you for that Teddy, you won’t know when or how, but I will.” Emmett tells Ted.

“Of course I’ll know, you’ll end up telling me.” Ted tells him.

“Hey Ted, did you see the article?” Michael asks him.

“Michael you bought half the papers in Pittsburgh and sent everyone two copies. Why two?” Emmett waits for Michael’s reason.

“Well I knew you all would want one, but I sent the second one so you could frame it.” Michael tells us.

“That actually makes sense, for you.” Ted tells Michael.

We all finish breakfast and are on Michael duty. Ben and Ted explained that Michael left on his own would run to Brian and Justin to show them the article. Brian would then make sure JR was Michael’s only biological child and put an end to Ben’s sex life.

“It’s not like I want to go over there and stay all day. They have to come up for air sometime.” Michael tells us.

“Michael, you do remember you're talking about your best friend, don’t you?” Ted asks Michael.

“Well yeah, but they aren’t kids anymore.” Michael points out.

“Michael, unless they call, you stay in town.” Ben tells him.

“I want to tell Justin about a story idea.” Michael tells us.

“Unless it’s about Rage fucking JT into a coma, they aren’t going to care.” Emmett tells them.

“I bet if you call them Ted, you’ll find out they are just sitting around. They would probably be ready for some company.” Michael tells us.

“Not falling for that one Michael.” Ted tells him.

“What do you mean Ted?” Michael asks  him. You could almost believe Michael is this innocent.

“The one where you called ten times and Brian didn’t answer, so you try to get me to call.” Ted tells Michael.

“It was only three times, wait four, no make that six. I had a recipe I wanted to share with Justin. Oh yeah I called two more times to ask Brian if we were traveling together to the wedding. I called Justin to see if he wanted us to take Elle. Then called back and left a message about me remembering that Jen was keeping Elle. I called to see if they wanted me to bring over some of Ma’s lasagna. I only called when necessary.” Michael tells us all.

“It’s a Novotny thing, Deb calls Michael at least three times a day.” Ted tells me.

“Michael, is always on the phone.” Emmett tells them.

“No, I’m not.” Michael protest, his phone rings. “It’s Ma.”

“Ben how do you put up with it?” I ask him.

“If Deb calls you answer, everyone of the guys will tell you that. If they are together in a small room, I wear earplugs because nothing will block my hearing the two of them, I just want the conversation volume to sound normal.” Ben tells us. I still don’t get it, Zen Ben married Drama Queen Michael.

“I think the professor was looking for excitement and instead got the Novotny’s.” Ted tell me.

“Teddy, remember your shrine.” Emmett tells him.

“It was just a photo collage.” Ted defends himself.

“Of one person?” Emmett questions Ted.

“There were others in the photos.” Ted tell him.

“Club boys you didn’t know, but I did notice that the gang was cut out off the photo’s. Poor Brian had his arm cut off in every photo.” Emmett tells them.

“In what photos?” Michael catches back up.

“You know, the ones you and the Doctor took of Paris.” Emmett tells Michael.

“I’m working on the pictures of the zoo. I have captions under each one and I had so many photo’s  it might take an hour for us to go through them.” Michael tells us.

“Well, it’s my wedding weekend and I declare it a ‘Michael Afterschool Special’ free zone.” Emmett tells us.

“Emmett, everyone is going to be disappointed if they don't get to see them.” Michael whines to Emmett.

“Tell the disappointed party, they can come to your house and see the show.” Emmett tells Michael.

“I can see it now, in attendance, your mother, you and Ben. The rest of us have plans that night.” Ted tells Michael.

“How can you have plans when you don’t know the date?” Michael asks Ted.

“I’ll be washing my hair.” Ted tell Michael.

“I’ll be planning a party for someone.” Emmett tells him. They all look at me.

“I have to hide from Gus.” It was weak, but I was afraid if I said I would be in New York, Michael would volunteer to come to my house.

“I have papers to grade, but I’ll be there in spirit.” Ben adds.

“I bet if I called Brian, he would come.” Michael tells us.

How did we get back to calling Brian?