KYLE

It’s like a mad house at Debbie’s. Everyone is meeting here to go to the beach house. Arguments ensued about how to get there.

“We should rent one of those tour buses.” Deb tells us. She’s been saying that all week.

“We’d need to rent two, one for the children, to protect them from the idiot patrol.” Mel puts in.

“Jen and I can keep the kids with us and all you idiots can ride together.” Deb tells Mel.

“I want to stay with Pop.” Theo tells everyone.

“Wouldn’t you rather play with Stuart?” Emmett asks him.

“Daddy, Pop might get lonely without me.” Theo tells him seriously.

“Theo, you could play with me. Daddy wouldn’t go anywhere without us.” Elle tells him.

“Pop needs me. Uncle Michael said that Pop tends to get lost.” Theo tells us.

“Michael, I thought we told you to quit telling Theo things like that.” Emmett walks over to Michael. I almost want to stand in front of Michael, Emmett has been stressed all week.

“I said he gets lost in thought, not lost like the time we went to get him in New York.” Michael is backing into Ben.

“Stop saying lost and Justin in the same sentence, or Theo is going to be a nervous wreck before he reaches six.” Emmett tells him.

“Theo, you know that I can always find Pop. I would never let him get lost.” Gus is down on his knees talking to Theo.

“You promise Gussy?” Theo asks him.

“I do, and you know that I never make a promise unless I’m going to keep it.” Gus tells him. I think I need to wait for Gus to grow up. “Just like I promise to find Kyle when I hit eighteen.” He just had to ruin the cute moment, but hey, if he’s willing to wait, so am I.

“How are we going to get to the beach house?” Deb asks everyone.

“Well Deb, I actually thought the bus idea had merit so I rented two, one for you, the adults and kids. And one for the delinquent crew I’m about to marry into.” Drew tells her.

“Does this mean Michael has to ride with his Mommy?” Brian asks.

“She said the adults and kids.” Michael tells Brian.

“Well you pretend to be an adult, but then you scare poor Theo like a bratty child. I just wanted to check, since we delinquents are going on the second bus.” Brian tells him.

“You just don’t want Theo to interrupt your Talking time with Justin.” Michael tells him.

“The way you tell Theo things, it might take until Theo is too old to be carried to stop it.” Ted throws in.

“Whatever, I think we should assign seating, from oldest to youngest.” Michael tells us.

“So you and Ben get to sit together but everyone else has to sit with other people?” Emmett asks.

“I didn’t think of it that way, but Ted and Ben would have to sit together.” Michael tells us.

“How about we sit where we want and you can sit at the front and tattle on us to the driver.” Justin tells Michael.

“If you and Brian could keep your clothes on, I wouldn’t have to tattle on anyone.” Michael tells everyone.

“Daddy, I want to be on the naked bus.” Stuart tells Emmett. With that, Stuart starts taking off his clothes and running around to get away from Emmett.

“You need to find out if you accidentally donated to Stuart and Theo’s mother, Brian. I mean Theo constantly runs after Justin, and Stuart is starting early in the naked department.” Mel tells Brian.

“Mel, I would be proud to call them my kids. Look at Stuart, not only is he running from Emmett, but he’s able to remove his pants without stopping. I don’t even have that skill set.” Brian tells her.

“No Daddy, I like being naked.” Stuart squeals while still evading Emmett.

“Stuart Aidan Boyd, you stop right now.” Jen yells out. Stuart stops in his tracks, how does she do that?

“Nana, they are all going to be naked.” Stuart points at all of us. Why is it when Jen looks at us like that we all feel like confessing all the bad things we ever did?

“Stuart, pick up your clothes and put them on, I have cookies for all the good boys and girls.” Debbie tells Stuart. All the kids start trying to get cookies. I notice Michael and Justin standing in line as well. Brian stares at both of them.

“Shut up Brian, Michael and I were raised on Deb’s cookies.” Justin tells him.

“Ben take your child bride into the house and get him a cookie, so I don’t have to keep Stuart from getting naked on the front lawn and hire a psychiatrist for Theo.” Emmett tells him.

The tour buses arrive about two hours later. I think we are all ready to go. Emmett actually taped Michael’s mouth shut, while the guys held him down. Michael wanted to tell everyone about Justin stripping at Babylon. It seems he forgot Stuart was in the room. We all chased the kid, I have to admit, the kid could probably lead a football team to victory with his evasion skills.

Drew told Jen and Deb he got the buses with game systems and DVD players so they could let the kids play. He got the buses stocked with food. He wanted to stop as little as possible. These were the buses the team used for long distance travel.

Jen, Deb, Carl and Tucker took the bus with the kids. Jen told us she still wants to have the illusion that Justin was a good child. Deb told us she’s grooming the kids for the future. Carl and Tucker just got on the bus. On our bus, Michael wanted to pick seats by pulling names out of a hat. He pulled the first one read the name and put it back, then went to pick another name. Brian walked up and grabbed the hat and threw it out the door. Brian took Justin to the back and started making out with him. Ted and Blake sat in the middle, like they were Switzerland. Emmett and Drew sat in front of them, Emmett turned and talked over the top of the seat to Ted. I was going to sit in the seat next to them, but Gus grabbed me and pulled me behind them. Mel and Lindsay sat next to Ted. Daphne and her boyfriend, Alex, ran to the back with Brian and Justin. Molly told Michael they could sit together. Which seem to make Michael happy. Molly’s boyfriend, James, teaches at Ben’s school. Hunter and Callie sat in the Ted group. The bus with the kids starts going and we are about to leave when Michael tells the driver to wait. He runs off the bus and into the house, we all wonder what he forgot. Michael returns with a suitcase and sits back down. The bus starts to go. We have a six hour drive, it won’t be so bad.

“I wonder what Michael has in the suitcase.” Blake tells us.

“It’s probably gang shirts with Kyle's article on the back.” Ted puts in.

“No it’s probably Michael’s cheerleading outfit.” Mel adds.

“I was a cheerleader.” Lindsay tells us.

“You still have the uniform.” Mel leers at her.

“It had really short skirts.” Brian puts in.

“How would you know?” Emmett asks him.

“I figured if anything would make me straight it would be Lindsay in her cheerleading outfit.” Brian tells us.

“Thanks for ruining that fantasy for me.” Mel tells Brian.

“I aim to please.” Brian tells her.

“We’re trying to figure out what Michael had in the suitcase.” Ted tells Brian.

“Why? It’s bound to be something like comics.” Brian tells us.

“Do they always make fun of Michael?” I whisper to Gus.

“No, they take turns making fun of each other, but Michael has been really obnoxious about the article.” Gus whispers into my ear. Brian turns and looks at Gus.

“Gus, learn to be less like your Uncle Mikey and more like me.” Brian turns back around. I swear it's a conspiracy to keep Gus flirting.

“Mikey, what’s in the suitcase? Enquiring queers want to know.” Brian tells him.

“NO BRIAN!” Daphne and Justin practically spring out of their seats.

“I’m so glad you asked, Emmett said we couldn’t have the slideshow at his WEDDING, so since the bus is equipped with a DVD player, I thought we could watch my home movie of the trip.” Michael tells us all. It’s like a horror movie, we are all trapped and the maniac has us in his clutches.

“Hey Jester, catch.” Molly tells Justin. Molly throws a block of cheese in red wax at Justin.”It’s Wisconsin Cheddar, not cheese that tastes like cum.”

Everyone starts to laugh and Ted fills me in on the whole thing. Molly being the polite young lady WASP she was raised to be, pulls out the trays of cheeses and crackers for the movie.

“Justin, why does Molly hang out with Michael?” I asked him.

“Michael introduced her to James, Molly was touring colleges, Michael offered to take her to CMU’s campus and get Ben to give her a tour. James was a Ben’s TA. Michael told James to take Molly around and they would meet for lunch. Molly has loved Michael ever since for introducing them and making it so they could spend time alone together.” Justin tells me.

“Of course, now we have to hear how he should be a matchmaker.” Ted tells us.

“Quiet, I’m about to start the show.” Michael tells us.

I look around and they all pretend to watch, Brian tells Justin, they should try the mile high club in the bathroom. Mel tells Lindsay to wake her up when it’s over. Blake, Ted and Emmett continue to talk and ignore the home movie. Callie and Hunter play with their phones. Gus offers to help me alleviate my boredom. Michael is like a librarian, telling us to be quiet. I look to see Ben and James are reading books. Molly took the seat in front of Lindsay and they talk. Michael made the video over two hours, I wanted to ask if he had a life, but I looked around and realized he does.