Justin knew it wouldn’t take much. The knife was sharp and he could cut deep enough, fast enough, before the pain stopped him. A quick slice and then he’d bleed out. He even had a bowl ready to try and catch as much blood as possible. He didn’t want to leave a huge mess for Brian to clean up. In fact, if he could, he would leave the loft and do it somewhere else to save him the hassle. But that would mean leaving…

The edge of the knife rested on his skin. It was pressed against him hard enough to push in his skin a bit, but not to cut him yet. He lifted the blade just a bit and saw a thin, dark line where his skin was pressed. He would aim for that.

The blade lowered again and he exhaled long, and slow. Something was stopping him…But Brian would be back soon. He had to do it now.

“This is fucking bullshit.” Brian muttered in annoyance as he drove as quickly as he could back to Michael’s apartment. “What a god damn joke…” He shook his head and jutted out his chin in anger. Hunter was wisely keeping quiet next to him, but he just wanted to get rid of the kid and get home.  He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that urged him to get to Justin before it was too late.

He screeched to a halt at the curb and then turned to look at Hunter. “Get upstairs. Michael and his professor will take care of you.” He ordered and already put the jeep into gear to take off again.

Hunter moved slowly, far too slowly for his taste, but he did eventually get out of the jeep. Brian was about to speed off without even giving him a chance to shut the door, but Hunter stuck his head back. “Sorry about what I said. About your partner.” He spoke quietly, and Brian had to strain to hear him.

He turned back to the kid and shook his head. “Forget it.” He said, and then waved him off. He waited until Hunter was inside the building before driving away again.

His mind was racing with what he could possibly say to Justin. He had been so close to proving Justin was right – that he wasn’t crazy. Maybe that was what was sucking Justin back down. Maybe he was beginning to think he was losing his mind. Whatever the reason, Justin was giving up hope; he was running out of time.

As he sped back to the loft he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. With a frustrated grunt he dug it out and flipped it open. “What?!” He snapped, in no mood to deal with anyone else.

As the person on the other end spoke, Brian closed his eyes and sighed. When it rains, it pours. He’d received even more bad news.

Justin continued to stare at the knife, willing himself to push it down and slide it across his wrist. But he couldn’t. His hand wouldn’t move. No matter how hard he screamed at himself to just get it over with, something stopped him. When it became obvious to him that he wasn’t going to be able to pull this off, he let go of the knife and let it clatter to the floor.

He slumped down after it, suddenly feeling very weak. His back was against the support beam, and he faced the living room. Unbidden, memories began playing through his head.

He recalled standing next to the couch, before they had moved it against the window, sullenly unfolding a blanket Brian had given him to sleep with, and then his subsequent trip to the bedroom when he decided his night was better spent in Brian’s bed.

He remembered sitting on Brian’s lap and feeding him ice cream, knowing the man loved it despite his protestations.

He remembered standing in the kitchen while Melanie screamed at Brian for his own mistake. And he remembered Brian standing up for him – ‘Justin’s not anyone’.

His eyes trailed back to the white couch, pressed against the wall.

He remembered wrapping a sheet around his shoulders and crawling over it to kill Brian with kindness.

‘I don’t want to leave him.’ Justin thought suddenly, a new feeling of hope beginning to bubble up inside of him again. He’d fought too hard to get into Brian’s life just to quit. ‘Killing myself isn’t the only way to help him. I could get better. If I got better, his life could go back to normal. Both of our lives would. It could be like before. Maybe even better.’

Justin suddenly stood as he felt invigorated with a sense of purpose that he’d never felt before. It was as if something in his head suddenly clicked back on. He felt like he was thinking clearly for the first time since the bashing. He looked down at the knife and the bowl on the floor. He almost kicked them away in disgust, as if they were physical manifestations of his illness.

Instead, he bent to pick them up and washed them off in the sink. He then grabbed a container of strawberries in the fridge and began chopping them up. As he did, he continued to think.

Bad things happened in the world. People died. People hurt each other. Like Hobbs, and those two men across the street. But if he cowered and hid, or killed himself, he was letting them win. And if Hobbs won, then what was the point of anything? No. He wouldn’t let that happen. He’d make them pay for what they did. He deserved justice, and so did the boy that they had killed. He was going to stick around to make sure it happened, one way or another.

When he got to the building he ran up the stairs and almost threw the door open. He panted a bit, but quickly got himself back under control when he saw Justin calmly cutting up some strawberries. “Hey.” He said, hoping his relief wasn’t obvious.

The knot that had been tying itself in his stomach released. He must have just been paranoid. He very calmly shut the door behind him and locked it up. Justin didn’t answer him, but he didn’t really expect him to. He heard the knife slide on the cutting board as Justin pushed the strawberries into a bowl in the sink. Brian tried not to think about before when he’d seen Justin do the same thing, except he was holding the bowl in his right hand against the counter. But now he couldn’t.

The only good thing to happen this night was that Justin didn’t know that anything had fallen through. He didn’t know about his finding Hunter, and he didn’t need to. Brian would keep it hidden until it was absolutely imperative for Justin to know. In the meantime, he’d try to keep Justin’s spirits up.

“Do you have any movies I haven’t seen yet?” Justin asked suddenly, and Brian was so taken aback that he actually stopped and looked at him to make sure it was actually Justin in the kitchen.

“Um, yeah.” He said, but then shook his head. “But they’re Westerns and I figured-.”

“That’s fine. We should watch them.” Justin cut him off, setting the bowl down so he could pluck one of the slices and pop it in his mouth.

Brian tightened his brow as he looked at Justin a bit closer. He looked very much the same as he did when he left. Too thin, too pale, and too tired. But when he locked eyes with him he could see it – that spark. Something had come back to life in him. Brian didn’t know why, or when; but that didn’t matter. A bit of sun was peeking through the clouds.

“Okay. I need to talk to you about something though.” He said, moving forward to grab some strawberries for himself. He hadn’t realized it at first, but this was the first time in days he hadn’t had to force food down Justin’s throat. It made him smile, despite the bad news. “I got a call from Cynthia, my assistant. A lot has happened since I left work. And…I have a new boss. He’s cleaning house, Justin. She said he wants to fire me.” Brian watched Justin’s eyebrows shoot up on his forehead, but he put out a placating hand. “She talked him down by pointing out all the money I brought to the company. But I still have to do something big…Justin…” Brian sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “I have to go to Chicago.”

“Chicago?” Justin leaned back a bit. “What’s in Chicago?”

“Brown Athletics. His dream account. If I can land it I’ll be safe.” He took a step closer to him to make up for Justin’s movement. “Sunshine, if I had a choice I…I need this job. We both need it.” Brian was certain that Justin was going to have another breakdown. He tensed, preparing himself to watch the spark disappear and Justin’s face to crumble to tears. But it never happened.

“I get it, Brian. I do. It’s fine. You need to go.” Justin said. He even patted his arm, as if he was the one in need in comforting.

Brian was baffled. When he left two hours ago Justin had been sitting and staring out the window, practically brain dead. Now, he seemed so much like his old self that he just didn’t know how to react. He was stunned.  He was glad too.  If Justin was still depressed he didn't think he'd be able to just leave him there alone.

“I’ll be fine here by myself for a few days. There’s plenty of food and I can call take out if I need to. I’ll just leave the money outside the door and wait for them to leave.” Justin sounded so sure of himself. He even smiled.

Brian’s heart stuttered. He actually had to gasp for a breath. It wasn’t quite that smile, but it was so close that it didn’t matter. He bent, grabbed Justin, and pulled him in for a deep and penetrating kiss. He had to taste him. His lips weren’t enough, but he daren’t push for more. He didn’t want to stifle whatever breakthrough Justin must have had while he was gone.  So, painfully, he backed away after plundering his mouth. He rolled his lips into his mouth to hide his smirk when he saw Justin’s slightly dazed face. “What was that for?” He asked and Brian just shrugged before placing a peck on the tip of his nose because he could.

He then turned and walked to the bedroom so he could pack up some things before he caught the flight Cynthia arranged for him. “I’ll try to get back as soon as I can, alright? Two days, at the most.”

“It’s okay, Brian. Really.” Justin insisted, slowly moving from the kitchen to follow after him. He walked up the steps and sat on the edge of the bed to watch as Brian packed. “I’ll be fine.” He repeated, and the more he said it, the more at peace Brian felt. It was still just so new, he couldn’t let himself really believe that the old Justin was beginning to make an appearance again.

He just nodded a bit as he took a bagged suit and placed it next to the suitcase. Brian looked down at him once more and then smiled a bit. “Think you can grab my stuff from the bathroom for me?” He asked, and though Justin didn’t jump up and run for the bathroom like he would have before, he did calmly nod and go to help him out. Brian turned his head to watch him disappear into the bathroom and couldn’t help but smile again.

Maybe the day wasn’t so bad after all.

“I talked to that detective again.” He declared loudly enough for Justin to hear him. “He said that they can’t do anything because there’s no body. It doesn’t look like it’s going to go anywhere. Sorry, Sunshine.” Brain said, and waited silently for an answer.

He heard a sigh echo slightly in the tiled bathroom an then Justin slamming shut the cupboard. “Whatever. I figured. Fucking cops…I know what I saw.”

“I know.” Brian reassured yet again, and then went back to the dresser to pull out some clothes. Despite the slamming of the cupboard, Justin seemed to be taking it well, so he continued. “There’s more. Horvath recognized them from your drawing. Apparently they were cops and both retired just a few days ago. Reichert and Stockwell he said.”

“They retired?! Just now? Oh come on that isn’t a coincidence!” Justin shouted, stomping back into the room, with a toiletry bag in his left hand.

“I know, but like I said - no body, no crime.” Brian repeated and turned to take the small bag from Justin. “We’re out of luck. But they’re not going to come back around here. It’d be too risky. So don’t worry about it.” He assured and then put the bag into the suitcase. He didn’t want Justin freaking out while he was alone, but it also wasn’t fair to just leave him out of the loop when he was the one who had seen the murder in the first place.  "It didn't even matter that I found Hunter and he verified everything you'd said.  He just wanted to keep his pension."

"Of course..."  Justin muttered, shaking his head.  Justin flopped back onto the bed and placed his hands behind his head. Brian surveyed him, feeling a need grow in him very quickly. He turned away and tried to focus on his trip instead. He knew Justin wasn’t trying to seduce him…But the boy didn’t even have to try.  It had been a long time since he'd been able to fuck him and his cock missed the most perfect ass he'd ever had.

“Call me if you need anything, okay? Any time. I’ll leave my phone on.” He promised, going so far as to reach into his pocket and turn up the volume.

“Alright. I won’t wish you luck. You won’t need it.” Justin said and Brian just smiled a bit.

This was nice. This was exactly what he needed before he left Justin for the first time since it. It was normal. It was so much like before that he almost felt as if it had all just been a bad dream. He took a moment to enjoy it, then grabbed the suitcase and gave Justin a wink. “Later.” He promised, and left.

“Later!” Was the last thing he heard before the loft door closed behind him.

Once Brian was gone Justin let out a long breath. He closed his eyes, then he rolled over to Brian’s side of the bed to grab his pillow and held it close. He wasn’t looking forward to being alone for a few days, but he would make it. He’d already made the resolution to fight for his old life, and he wasn’t going to give up on it just because of a surprise business trip.  After all Brian had done for him he owed it to the man to support him in this; not to mention he was right, they both needed Brian's job.

He took a long breath to remember Brian’s smell, and then got out of the bed and walked back to the window. He was frustrated that the cops weren’t going to pursue anything, but he could see the point. There was no body…yet.

His eyes trailed over to the computer. Maybe he could shake them up a little bit. They could get nervous and move the body from wherever they stashed it.

‘No. Brian said to drop it.’ He thought, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from moving over to the computer. He sat at the chair and shook the mouse to wake up the screen. It was a little awkward as Brian was right handed and he couldn’t use his right hand. But he moved it over to the other side and managed to get a hang of it. Using only his left hand he brought up the police department website and smiled when he saw that Reichert and Stockwell still had information on the website. The IT group hadn’t taken down their information yet because their retirement was so sudden and recent.

He swiftly made a fake email address and typed out a message.

‘I know who you are. I know what you did. You will not get away with this.’

Satisfied with his short, but direct message, he pressed send. He leaned back in the chair and gazed at the screen with a satisfied smile. If that didn’t shake them up, he didn’t know what would.