He threw a few things in a backpack and left. He didn’t take much. Just some clothes, whatever money he had stashed away, and a picture of his younger brother.

He walked to the bus station. It was pretty far and his body was sore from the beating he’d received, but he really didn’t care all that much. He just wanted to get away. He would have left even if they hadn’t kicked him out. He didn’t want to be in that house anymore; with people who hated him just because of who he loved.

When he got to the station there was only one bus due to leave, thanks to the late hour. So he didn’t have a choice of where he was going. Pittsburgh sounded nice enough, anyways.  It was a big city and he was sure that he’d be able to find his own way there.

He used all of his money to book the ticket and then fell asleep waiting for it to arrive. When he finally got on he looked out the window and watched his hometown get further and further away. But then he looked forward. He was moving on to a new life.

Since it was a weeknight, Brian was able to find a parking spot close to Woody’s and didn’t have to walk very far to get inside.  He had his hands in his jacket pocket; he always wore it even on summer evenings because it looked too damn good not to.  Besides, the appreciative glances he got as soon as he walked inside were worth the extra heat.

He smirked a bit, already returning the gazes of some prospective tricks.  He’d have to fit in as many as he could.  With Justin the way he was he couldn’t bring tricks back to the loft so all of it had to be done during the short amount of time he got out.  There were only a few acceptable men at the bar though, and two of them he’d already had.  He decided that, given the circumstances, he’d break his usual ‘one time only’ policy in order to get his needs met.  Besides, it should make their evening getting a second go with Brian Kinney.

Before he dealt with any of that, though, he strode confidently to the bar and got a beer.  He then turned and easily found his friends at a table near the pool tables.  He walked over to them, grabbed an empty chair from a table nearby, and sat down between Emmett and Michael.

“Hey!  He does exist!”  Emmett teased as they all patted him on the back in welcome.

Brian rolled his eyes as he took a long swig of the beer.  “Ha.  Ha.”  He mocked and slouched in the seat.  “You know it’s not easy getting out.”  He muttered, not wanting to be mocked for taking Justin’s mental health seriously –if they saw Justin they’d understand.  

“Not with Rapunzel locked away in the tower.”  Ted joked and chuckled until he saw Brian’s face was anything but amused.  He quickly grew silent and looked down at his beer trying to appear invisible.

“Let’s talk about something else.”  Michael suggested, picking up on Brian’s mood.

“Talk about whatever the fuck you want.”  Brian insisted as one of the men he had checked out earlier brushed a hand on his shoulder as he walked by to the bathrooms.  “I’m only here for the men.”  He finished and set his beer on the table to walk after the trick.

The table was quiet for a moment after Brian’s departure, but Michael kept his gaze towards the bathroom where Brian disappeared.  He frowned and then glanced to the other two.  “I take it things aren’t going well?”  He asked and received sad sigh from both Emmett and Ted.

“Justin hasn’t left the loft since he got there a few weeks ago.”  Emmett informed.  “Not only that, but he can’t handle anyone visiting, not even his mother.  Brian’s literally the only person he’s seen in weeks and I don’t think Brian knows how to help him.”  Emmett explained, and Michael appreciated it because even though he’d been back from Portland for a couple of weeks, he hadn’t received any information on the state of Justin’s recovery other than he was alive and living with Brian.

Michael frowned sympathetically and looked back to the bathroom again.  Partly because he hoped through some cosmic best friend magic Brian might be able to feel that he was sorry, and partly because he didn’t want Brian to catch them gossiping.   “Is Justin really that bad?”  He asked, his voice sad.

Emmett and Ted exchanged a glance and then Ted leaned forward, his hands cupping his beer.  “From what Brian said it’s pretty terrible.  The bat messed up a lot of his motor functions like his right hand.  But he said what’s worse is Justin’s disorders that popped up after the attack.  He’s got enough of them to merit a straight-jacket the way Brian talks.”  Ted explained and gave a sad smile.  “It’s too bad.  He was a good kid.”

“Is.”  Emmett corrected swiftly and Ted nodded jerkily.

“Right.  Of course.  I just meant-.”

“Guys.”  Michael cut them both off swiftly when he saw Brian coming back out of the bathroom.  They all stilled and sat up straight, failing desperately at trying to appear normal.  Brian eyed them all suspiciously as he sat back down and took a long drink.

“Spit it out.”  He said when he lowered the bottle again.

“Spit what out?”  Michael asked with a poor attempt at innocence and stood, grabbing Brian’s arm.  “Let’s play some pool.  Guys?”  He asked and they all stood swiftly without a moment of hesitation.  Michael saw the apprehensive look on Brian’s face, but his best friend didn’t say anything and moved over with them.

While they played Brian continued to take tricks into the bathroom, more so than usual as far as Michael was concerned, but he was gone over a month and a lot had happened.  He was probably trying to burn off some steam.  What was most troubling, though, was Michael counted his drinks – both of them.  Brian only drank two beers.  Granted, it was a weeknight, but Michael knew it wasn’t uncommon for Brian to knock back shots on a Wednesday night.

The only explanation he could think of was Justin.  Whatever was really going on in the loft, it was bad.  He’d known Justin long enough to know the kid was a tenacious, determined, little fucker; it would have to be bad to stop him from living his life.  From Brian’s attitude he could only imagine…

Around ten o’clock Brian said he had to leave and they all said goodbye.  When he left the bar though, Michael sighed and ran after him.  He caught up to him quickly and grabbed his arm.  “Hey.  Bit early, isn’t it?”

“Gotta get home.  Justin’s been home alone all day and he doesn’t do well on his own.”  Brian explained, forcing a tight smile that Michael knew was fake.

“He sounds like a dog.”  Michael teased and Brian scoffed and smiled a bit.

“A dog is less hassle than that kid.”  Brian muttered as he pulled his keys out of his pocket and began unlocking his car.

“He’s pretty messed up then?”  Michael asked carefully and watched the stiffening of Brian’s shoulders.

“I’m handling it.”  Brian insisted and jerked the jeep’s door open so quickly Michael had to step back.

“Are you?”  Michael asked and put a hand on Brian’s shoulder.  “I mean…What if you’re not what Justin needs right now?  If he’s as messed up as everyone says-.”

“Stop saying ‘messed up’.”  Brian demanded stiffly and Michael flashed him an apologetic look.  “He isn’t ‘messed up’.”  Brian mocked Michael’s choice of words by waving his hands back and forth once.  “He’s sick, and he’ll get better.”

“I know he will but…what if being with you isn’t going help him?  I’m not saying you don’t care – we all know you do - but it’s a huge responsibility and if he isn’t getting better-.” 

“Michael.”  Brian warned and Michael immediately stopped talking, knowing he’d hit a sensitive spot.  “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.”  Brian continued, not turning to look at Michael.  In fact, he got into his car and shut the door, but he rolled down the window.  “I don’t know if this is good for Justin. I’m trying. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.  But he needs me, Michael.”  Brian looked right into his eyes and he saw something he’d never seen in Brian before; he only wished he knew what it was.  “He needs me.”  Brian repeated before driving away.

Michael watched sadly. “Good luck.” He said softly and gave a small wave to the departing jeep.

Brian dragged his feet as he got back to the loft.  He wished he had drank more, especially after his terrible day, but he needed a clear head to deal with Justin which meant he couldn't get drunk.  He also wanted to have fucked more because those four tricks he pulled would have to last until the next time he got out, and he had no idea when that would be. He just wanted to get in, go to bed, and start a new day. This one had been for shit.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up; it had only been a few weeks and already he felt like he was at his end. Despite Justin often lifting his spirits it never lasted long before he freaked out over something and he’d quickly be reminded that the boy was not healthy.

He scoffed when he thought of Michael’s choice of words. ‘Messed up’. ‘Yeah, the kid is messed up alright…’ Brian thought, though he still didn’t like Justin being described that way. Michael hadn’t even seen him but was already writing him off. “Not like he ever liked him to begin with.” He spoke that part aloud in a mutter.

The way Michael treated Justin hadn’t ever registered to him before; he’d never cared all that much. Justin was tougher than nails and could handle Michael’s petty jealousy. But now, the way Michael spoke about him earlier bothered him greatly, and it wasn’t even malicious. Yes, Justin was struggling, but he didn’t want people to think of him differently. Justin would get better and things would go back to normal.

They had to.

He finally made it to the top and let himself into the loft for the second time that night. Immediately he looked around for Justin, not at all surprised to find the boy passed out on the chaise by the window. He frowned sympathetically and closed everything up behind him.

‘At least he’s got the window.’ Brian thought sympathetically, frowning at the window as if it was the cause of all of their problems.

He walked across the loft and knelt by the chaise as he put a hand on Justin’s shoulder. He shook it gently. “Justin.” He spoke quietly so Justin would know it was him and not someone else. “Get up, get to bed.” He urged and Justin drowsily nodded and began struggling to stand from the chaise.

Brian stood and steadied him, then kept an arm wrapped around his shoulder to help direct him to the bed. Justin probably wouldn’t even open his eyes and it was up to Brian to get him to bed safely.

“You’ve fun atwody’s?” Justin asked in a slurred and drowsy voice. Brian withheld a chuckle, but nodded.

“Yeah it was alright.” He answered, mostly just glad he was able to get in a few fucks – he needed them. He tugged Justin up the stairs so the boy didn’t trip.

“Te’Emmett there?” He asked and this time Brian did laugh a bit.

“Yeah, Ted and Emmett were both there.” He answered, amused with Justin’s conversation. “Michael too.” He added offhand.

“He still here? What about Portland?” Brian knew he had to get Justin in bed soon as he was beginning to really wake up and Brian didn’t want to be up for a few more hours trying to help entertain the boy.

“I don’t think he’s going back. He hasn’t said anything about it but I think things with the good doctor ended.” Brian didn’t hide the joy he felt at knowing he’d been right about their relationship. David was bad for Michael.  He liked his best friend just the way he was, without the holier-than-thou mentality David instilled in him.

“Nn…Good. Didn’t like that guy.” Justin muttered before literally crawling into the bed and curling up against the pillow like a cat. “My head hurts…” Justin added, but he was getting that sleepy wistfulness to his voice again so Brian wasn’t concerned. If it was one of his migraines he knew Justin wouldn’t be tired at all. He hovered close by until Justin stilled and went back to sleep.

Brian let out a long sigh and then ran a hand through his hair as he slumped his body over from exhaustion. He let his gaze settle on Justin and he felt something tug at his heart. He wanted what was best for Justin.  He always had, if he was being honest with himself.  He felt a strange responsibility for him since their first night together and it had grown stronger each passing day.  He just wished he knew what to do.  He was walking through a minefield blindly, and sooner or later he knew he was going to set one off.

He took a quick shower to get all of the tricks off of him, and then slid into the bed with Justin. He tried to calm down, but he knew the nightmares were coming and he couldn’t seem to relax.

He couldn’t help but remind himself that this is what he signed up for. ‘This is your life now, Kinney.’

There isn’t anything like being woken from sleep by a punch to the side.  Brian grunted and jerked to the side, instantly awake.  He sat up and saw Justin fighting desperately on his side of the bed.  He ducked another flying fist and took a moment to collect himself before braving the flinging limbs to wake Justin up.  He was surprised he didn’t wake up earlier, as Justin was anything but quiet and the bed was shaking due to his violent movements.

“Justin.”  He called loudly, grabbing one of Justin’s wrists as it went towards his middle.  He held on tightly and then skillfully grabbed the other as well.  Justin continued to struggle, even more so now that he was partially constrained, and didn’t wake yet.  “Justin.”  He called louder, straddling over his hips to stop his legs from flailing as well.  He had to press himself down hard because the last thing he wanted was a knee to his dick.  “Wake up!”  He called loudly.  “It’s a nightmare.  It’s not real!”

With the rest of his body immobilized, the only thing Justin could flail was his head, and it tossed and turned frantically.  Whimpers escaped from his lips, and were only interrupted by screams and howls of protestation.  “God!  Justin!  Wake up!”  He shouted as loudly as he could and was filled with relief when Justin opened his eyes.

“Leave me alone!  Get away from me!”  Justin shouted, resuming his fighting, apparently not aware of where he was or who was with him.

“Shhhh...Sunshine.  Look at me.  It’s Brian.  Okay?  You’re safe.  It’s just me.”  He tried to reason, but Justin was still shaking his head back and forth and trying to fight him off.

“No!  Help!  Help me!”  Justin screamed so loudly that Brian’s ears actually hurt.  He could tell it was rough too as Justin’s voice got hoarse as he cried out.

“Justin look at me.”  He risked letting go of one hand to grab Justin’s chin and force him to look up.  He was rewarded with a few punched to his side and face, but it was hardly the first time he’d been beaten and he knew Justin didn’t know where he was.  “It’s me.”  Justin finally looked into his eyes and started calming down.  “That’s it…That’s my boy.”  Brian whispered, relief filling him.  Justin was panting and still struggling against Brian’s hold, but after a few seconds he relented and laid back on the bed.

“Brian?”  Justin croaked out, flinching when he spoke as his throat must have hurt.

“Yeah.”  He said gently, nodding a little to make sure Justin stayed here with him.  “Hey, look at me.”

Justin’s eyes began searching wildly.  “He was here.  Hobbs!  He…He was right here.”  Justin sat up and Brian moved back to let him.  He pointed over to the side of the bed and stared at it.

“No one is here but me.  Justin, it was only a nightmare.  It wasn’t real.”  He assured, putting a hand on Justin’s shoulder to try and turn him away.  “Come here.  Look at me.”  He repeated and had to forcibly, albeit gently, turn Justin back to him.  “You’re safe here.  You know that.”  Brian stilled Justin and forced a smile to try and help calm him.  “No one’s getting in.  The door’s made of metal.”  He reminded and thankfully Justin began nodding.

“Right.  A nightmare…It was a nightmare?”  He asked hesitantly and Brian nodded back.

“That’s all.”  He promised and then slowly pushed Justin back onto the bed.  “Lay down.  Try to relax.  Hobbs isn’t here.”

Justin followed his directions and laid back on the bed, closing his eyes.  Sleep was a long time coming, but the screaming and fighting was over.  Seconds later Justin squirmed over into his arms and Brian held him as close as he could.  Justin hung onto him so tightly it felt like his ribs might break, but he didn’t tell him to back off.  It was what Justin needed, so he would provide it.

When Justin finally went back to sleep Brian was able to relax.  It was nearly four in the morning, and he could probably squeeze in a few hours before he had to wake for work, but he wasn’t sure he could fall asleep no matter how hard he tried.

His face and body hurt where Justin had hit him, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the worry running through his mind.  Somehow they would have to get through this.  He just didn’t know how.