“Ah! Shit, shit, shit, shit! Fuck!” Justin cursed, standing quickly to hold his throbbing hand against his chest. Not a second later Brian darted out of the bedroom, half-dressed for work, and ran to him in the living room. “Fuuuck…Brian! Help!” Justin exclaimed, trying not to let the tears fall, but his hand was throbbing so badly he felt it would be better if it was torn off.

“I’m here, I’m here.” Brian assured him and grabbed Justin’s hand. He pulled it away from Justin’s chest to begin forcing it open and relax the muscles. It was a painful process, and to distract himself Justin looked at Brian’s suit. His shirt was only half tucked in, and three of the buttons were undone on his chest, revealing the white tank top he wore underneath. It was always nice looking at any part of Brian, however, the distraction didn’t last long.

When Brian pried his hand open he couldn’t stop from crying out, but he managed to bite his lip to stop from all-out screaming. It felt like Brian was stabbing his hand over and over. He didn’t beg for him to stop, knowing that it had to be done. He just hated it - probably less than Brian hated having to do it to him - but he still hated it.

He turned from Brian’s suit to their hands. Brian held his wrist in one hand to stop him from trying to pull away. It wasn’t entirely necessary – anymore. He’d often done it in the past and so he didn’t blame Brian for being precautious. The other worked at his hand, massaging deeply into the tissue and pulling at the tendons so they stretched back out.

After ten minutes or so the pain began to ebb away. The stabbing turned into a dull ache which he was used to living with. Brian opened and closed his hand a few times, testing the mobility, and then seemed satisfied. Justin very slowly pulled it back away from him, but Brian didn’t let go. He watched in an odd sense of disconnection as his hand slid from Brian’s and fell back to his side. Even afterwards, Brian’s hands remained hovering where they were.

“Thanks.” Justin said and Brian almost jumped, like he was getting pulled out of some kind of reverie.

Brian flashed him a smile, absently wiped the remnants of Justin’s tears away from his cheeks, and then started walking back to the bedroom. “That’s enough for today, Sunshine.” He said as he walked up the steps.

On another day, Justin might have argued. He had wasted weeks on his recovery; he wanted to get better as quickly as he could. But it wasn’t even nine and his hand had already clenched up. Brian was right; it was enough for today. He walked back to close up the coloring book and then meandered into the bedroom. Brian was reaching into the closet for a tie, having corrected his disheveled shirt.

Justin smiled a little because Brian looked stunning, as always. Brian then bent to put on his shoes and Justin got a good look at his ass. He smiled even more as he felt that very familiar tingle in his body. He looked down at himself and smirked a bit; two days in a row – apparently his sex drive was coming back to life. He should have known that, with Brian around, it was only a matter of time.

Brian straightened back up and adjusted his clothes a final time before grabbing his suit jacket and slinging it over his arm. “I have a meeting tonight.” Brian announced as he walked by him again, towards the kitchen. Justin continued to smile as he turned and followed him. “So I’ll be late.”

“It’s fine.” He dismissed easily, knowing now that Brian was a partner there would be even more late nights than before. He understood that Brian worked for the both of them, and he wasn’t going to hold it against him. He sauntered over towards him, though, and wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him in for a deep kiss. Brian didn’t hesitate to drop his things to hold onto him as well, returning the kiss with just as much passion Justin had put into it.

Justin pressed his body against Brian’s so he was sure he felt his hard-on. In response, Brian grabbed his hips and pulled them against him, grinding against him very slowly. Knowing Brian had to get to work, Justin pulled away.  Now that he had these feelings again he wanted to take advantage of them right away, but he would have to be satisfied with tonight. “Later.” He said, making it very clear what he meant.

Brian’s eyes were smoky with desire and he could see that he was conflicted, clearly wanting to stay to pursue Justin’s re-awakened sexual appetite. Brian nodded carefully and sighed with regret. “Later.” He agreed and let his hands fall from Justin’s sides. “You bet your ass…” He added with one of his patented smirks. Justin chuckled a bit and very gently shoved him towards the door.

“Go to work. Don’t want to be late, Mr. Kinney.” He winked and then bent to pick up Brian’s things for him. Brian took them and then walked to the door. Justin watched him hesitate one last time, and then he finally left.

Justin looked at the door for a few moments before sighing contently and going back to the couch. Out of habit he grabbed the binoculars and looked out the window. He could look at some of the other apartments, the ones below and above those he usually watched, but he didn’t feel like it. He set the binoculars down and instead turned on the TV to watch something, but that didn’t interest him either.

He was itching to do something.

He turned and glanced outside, down at the street. He hadn’t ventured out without Brian with him yet, however, he didn’t feel like staying cooped up in the loft all day waiting for Brian to come home and fuck his brains out. The hours would drag with the anticipation.

The street wasn’t very busy, so he nodded once in confidence and went to the bedroom to get changed. It was more difficult than usual as his hand was still acting up, but he managed to button up a clean pair of jeans and slip on a shirt. Liberty wasn’t very far away; he could walk there and see Michael’s store.

Realizing the idea excited him, he grabbed his only finished coloring book and rolled it up. He wanted to show the man what he’d done with his gift. When he was ready to go he re-set the alarm and then ventured out into the world, alone.

Getting to Liberty took longer than he had hoped as he had to stop every once in a while when the sidewalk got too packed. He’d skirt off to the side and allow everyone else to pass, watching them all carefully. He had come a long way with his phobias, but the anxiety was still there in the back of his head.

Every step he took he echoed the same litany in his head. ‘Just think of the destination. One step is one foot closer to a safe place.’ When it became too much and he couldn’t keep walking he would count down from a hundred. It was a technique that Alex had taught him to help him focus on something other than his fear. Usually he only had to get to sixty or fifty before he was able to keep moving again.

Eventually, the store came into view. When he got there he tugged the door open but immediately came to a stop because Michael was passionately kissing someone.

They broke apart when they heard the jingle over the door and turned to him, both of their cheeks red.

“Justin!” Michael exclaimed happily. “Hey.” He greeted, clearly a little embarrassed. The other man stepped back as well and looked at him.

Justin smiled at them both. “You must be Ben.” He said and gave a wave.

“Yes. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Ben said and Justin knew he was telling the truth because he didn’t even try to shake his hand. Immediately Justin decided that he liked him.

“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you too.” He said and then finished coming into the store. “Sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to stop by and show you this.” He held up the coloring book to show what he was talking about.

 “I can go.” Ben said as he moved to step around Justin, giving him a wide berth, and leave the store.

“No, you don’t have to. It’s okay.” Justin tried to insist, not wanting to make him leave.

“No it’s fine. I was just about to leave anyways. I have a class.” He said, gave them both a wave, and then left.

Justin turned back in to see Michael watching Ben dreamily and snapped to pull him out of it. Michael jumped a little.

“Oh, sorry. Have you seen his ass, though? God it’s magnificent.” He leaned over to the side to watch Ben walk by the window and then moved back to his desk.

“I haven’t, actually.” Justin said. In fact, he hadn’t even thought to look. Though Ben clearly had a nice body, he wasn’t interested at all. “Here. I wanted to show you this.” He said and set the coloring book on the counter.

Michael smiled, excited, and started flipping through it. “Brian said that you really like them.” He commented and Justin nodded.

“Yeah. It’s great. I’d never read any comics before so I wasn’t familiar with the art form, but I really enjoy it.” He answered sincerely. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to make Michael understand just how much the gift meant to him, but he could try.  The coloring book seemed like a small gesture, but it reminded him of his passion for art, and that he didn’t have to give it up just because of what happened.

“Never? Yet your color choices are perfectly in line with comics. Bold, and bright.” Michael sounded pleased and Justin chuckled a bit.

“You sound like a critic.” He teased as he leaned forward on the counter to watch Michael flip through the book.

“No, sorry. I mean…you’re the art expert here. It’s just I feel like I’m looking at a real comic, Justin. Not just pictures.” He said and slid the book back to him. “I kind of forgot how good you are at this stuff.”  Michael added carefully, and Justin could see him eye him as if to judge if he shouldn't have said it or not.

Justin blushed slightly and nodded his thanks. It was good to hear that his dreams of being an artist weren’t completely dashed. Even if the only person telling him that was Michael, he’d take it.

“You know…That actually gives me an idea.” Michael added slowly and Justin flipped through some of the pictures on his own as he nodded, motioning for him to continue. “I’ve wanted to make my own comic for a long time now. But I can’t draw for shit. You can.” He suggested and Justin stilled and looked up slowly.

“Michael, coloring some pictures is a lot different than illustrating a book.” He pointed out, unsure of how to take the suggestion.

“No, I know. But without even seeing a comic you have the coloring down. I could loan you some books and you can get a feel for the form. I bet it would take you no time at all.” Michael spoke louder, clearly getting more and more excited about the idea. “You said yourself drawing is ninety percent muscle memory. And I’ve read so many that I go do the story-line easily.”

Justin looked back down at the book and shrugged a bit. “I wouldn’t mind.” He said quietly, but in his head he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. Not yet. His hand wasn’t strong enough. He thought about the episode he had that morning and knew that he wouldn’t be able to put up with the strain.

As if reading his mind, Michael cleared his throat. “But it can be later. Just think about it, okay? And when your hand is better maybe we can talk about what it would take and brainstorm some ideas.” He suggested and Justin smiled a bit. Michael really did have a big heart.

He then nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He said slowly. Silence fell between them then, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. As he collected his book Justin looked up at him again. “I like Ben. He seems nice.” He said and Michael smiled broadly.

“You barely even met him.” He pointed out, and Justin shrugged.

“He just…feels nice.” He said, wishing he could explain it better. Ever since he started venturing out again he could feel different vibes from people. Some he avoided, some he didn’t mind, and there were some like Ben’s that made him feel safe.

“Well I’m glad. He’s great…” Michael’s voice sounded wistful and Justin just laughed.

“You’re pathetic.” He teased and Michael nodded.

“So? I don’t care. Have you seen him? God he’s so dreamy…” Michael leaned back on his chair and sighed contently.

“I’ll leave you to your dreams then. I have to head home.” He said and gave Michael a wave.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Michael asked and immediately began moving to follow through, but Justin shook his head.

“No. I think I’ll be okay.” He was honest, so Michael nodded and waved.

“See ya, Boy Wonder.”

“See ya.”

Getting home went by a lot faster than getting out. He thought he was more motivated, is all. Not that he regretted leaving, but it was easier for him to hurry home knowing he’d be safe inside, rather than outside where anything could happen. He hoped in time all of these fears he had would disappear, but he knew that even if that did happen it was a long way off.  They might always be there in the back of his mind, but at least now he could overcome them and live his life again.

By the time he slid the loft door shut he was practically panting and sweating, but he was finally home and safe. He locked it up and set the alarm. However, before he even got to the bathroom to wash the sweat from him he could hear someone unlocking it from the other side. Confused, he paused and turned around to see who came in.

To his relief, and surprise, Brian walked in. “You’re back early.” He commented, and Brian smiled at him.

“I couldn’t concentrate. I cancelled my meetings for the rest of the day.” He informed as he rushed inside and approached him. Justin felt his warm hand on his cheek. He flushed under the strong sense of desire he felt from Brian. The same desire was echoed inside of him so he wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck, pulled him into the bedroom and down onto the bed on top of him.

“Touch me, Brian. Please…” He whispered into the man’s hear and felt a shudder pulse through Brian’s body.

Brian straddled over him and put his hands beneath Justin’s shirt. He ran them up and lifted Justin’s shirt off of him, running his tongue up his sternum as he revealed his pale and pristine skin. Justin closed his eyes, shivering at the familiar touch. He lifted his arms up over his head as the shirt was lifted away from him and then tossed aside and forgotten.

His right nipple was caught in Brian’s mouth and gently bit. A gasp escaped him and he arched his back up, pressing up against Brian as he did so. His hands slid up Brian’s back and buried themselves in his hair. He felt Brian’s tongue flick out against him and bit his bottom lip, but was unable to stifle another gasp that escaped him.

Brian began kissing up his chest, then his neck, then he caught his lips in a passionate kiss that absolutely cleared all conscious thought from his mind. All he knew was he needed to feel Brian’s skin against his own. So he unbuttoned Brian’s shirt as quickly as he could. Brian helped, shrugging out of it without breaking their kiss. But his tank top was still on and Justin wouldn’t be satisfied until it was done away with. He grabbed the bottom of it and pulled it up over Brian’s head, almost feeling a bit of pain as they had to break away from a split second to get it off.

When their lips met again Brian nipped at his bottom lip and Justin opened his mouth, willingly welcoming Brian’s tongue into it. They danced almost, in a familiar way. The kiss was hungry and desperate and nothing like the ones they’ve shared since the night he was attacked.

Brian was keeping himself up with one of his hands, but the other was on Justin’s neck with his thumb stroking his cheek as if he were a precious treasure. Justin wrapped his legs up and hooked them behind Brian’s so their hips were flush against each other. He could feel Brian’s cock pressed hard against him and even through their jeans he could feel the heat radiating off of it.

Brian broke their kiss off again and Justin found himself gasping for air, not realizing that he hadn’t taken a breath in over a minute. He opened his eyes back up and saw Brian panting just as hard as he was. But there was a soft smile on Brian’s lips.

“You’re so beautiful…” Justin whispered through his heavy breathing as he reached a hand up and touched the arch of Brian’s cheek with his fingertips. Brian’s smile turned a bit more tender and he shook his head before bending and kissing Justin again.

Justin’s hand trailed down Brian’s face and then his chest. He reached around him to feel the strength of Brian’s muscles. They were tensed as he was still hovering over him, and he could feel the wiry strength that had always been a part of Brian’s appeal. His fingers dipped into the line along the center of his back and then he gripped onto him tightly and thrust his hips up against him again.

Without a warning Brian broke apart again and dipped down towards his belly button. He spread Justin’s legs apart so he could settle beneath them. He very carefully unbuttoned his pants and tugged them down, pulling his underwear off with them. Justin felt a brief chill, but it was quickly forgotten when Brian descended and took him into his mouth.

“Oh god! Brian!” He exclaimed as he lifted up off the bed as pleasure literally flooded over him. It had been so long since he’d been touched this way and he shook as Brian’s warm and wet mouth took his full length in. His hands searched for purchase on the bed and he clenched the sheets as tightly as he could to stave off his climax for as long as he could.

Unable to control himself, his hips bobbed up and down with the movement of Brian’s head. His body undulated up and down as he felt the pleasure overwhelm him. Brian’s mouth was encasing him, and worked his shaft with the practiced perfection only Brian Kinney had.

All too soon he could feel his climax coming. He tried to voice his protest, he tried to warn Brian and tell him to stop because he didn’t want it to be over so quickly, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work. He’d lost control of his body and was subject to Brian’s will. A hand was on his hip, holding him down a bit. The other was on his balls, cupping them and rolling them in just the right way.

Then, the top of Brian’s tongue ran from the base of his shaft up to the tip and he lost it. He shut his eyes tightly, and cried out as his climax tore from him. Brian had swallowed him again and he shot into his throat.

When it was over he panted a bit and shook his head in despair. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry.” He exclaimed and turned away from Brian.

“Shhh…Hey. Don’t. You needed that.” Brian assured with an amused tone in his voice. Justin could feel his fingers at his chin and he turned his head to gaze up at him. “Now you’ll last longer for the main event.” He added with a smirk. Then, suddenly, Brian’s face turned serious. “That is if you still want to…”

“Of course I do.” Justin was quick to assure and reached up to run his fingers through Brian’s hair once more. “I missed you touching me…I missed touching you.” He added with a small smile.

“Good.” Was all Brian said before kissing him again. Justin could taste himself in Brian’s mouth and already he could feel the stirrings of desire burn in him again. He widened his legs, wanting to feel all of Brian pressed against him.

“Brian…” Justin murmured dreamily when he needed to break away for air. “Let me touch you.” He urged and pushed Brian back and over to lie on his back. Brian let him, looking rather pleased about it as well.

Before moving over him, Justin turned onto his side and ran his fingertips down Brian’s ribs, feeling the bumps, and then down to his abdomen. It felt as if he was discovering Brian’s body for the first time. He stared down at the bronzed skin that was smooth and hard to his touch all at the same time.

His hand roamed further down, avoiding Brian’s large, red cock, and moving instead to graze the inside of his thigh. As he did Brian gasped and shuddered. He glanced up to see Brian’s eyes wistfully closed but his lips were rolled into his mouth. Justin felt his heart swell up suddenly and he smiled.

“I love you, Brian.”

Brian gasped again and his body jerked. His eyes shot open and looked at him. His mouth opened and closed a few times. “Justin…” He finally managed to get out causing Justin to smile and shake his head, taking pity on him.

“It’s okay.” He said, scooting back to reach for a condom on the nightstand. “You don’t have to say it back.” He whispered as he slowly moved back. He opened up the wrapper and locked his gaze with Brian’s. “How about this?” He offered as his straddled over Brian. Brian’s hands came up to his hips, almost as if it was natural. “I’m just going to assume that you love me too until you tell me otherwise. That way you’ll never have to say it, but I’ll still know. Sound fair?” He asked as he rolled the condom onto Brian’s cock.

There was a ghost of a smile on Brian’s face. “Sounds fair.” He agreed and Justin beamed. “Oh fuck…” Brian suddenly whispered and Justin blinked a little.

“What is it?” He asked curiously.

“Your smile. I never thought I’d see it again.” Brian admitted and reached one of his hands up to trace Justin’s lips. “Haven’t seen it since…” He trailed off, but shook his head and shifted a little. His movement pressed the tip of his cock against Justin’s hole and he shivered in anticipation, but didn’t move yet.

Justin leaned forward quickly and kissed him again to remind him that he was here, and alive. As they kissed Brian reached a hand down and began preparing him. The other wound behind Justin’s neck and held him close.

Suddenly, Justin found himself on his back and Brian was once again hovering over him. “Are you ready?” Brian asked, his voice husky with need.

Justin nodded swiftly, his body moving with Brian’s fingers as they went in and out of him. “Yes, please…” He begged, biting the inside of his lip to stifle a moan.

Suddenly Brian’s fingers were gone and replaced with his cock and he slowly pressed it inside of him. Justin gasped and shut his eyes tightly, surprised by how big it felt. As if he was reading his mind Brian leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. It felt so familiar and comforting that Justin forgot all about the pain and only thought about Brian – just Brian.

One of Brian’s hands found his and their fingers laced together as Brian pushed in a bit more. Justin arched his back, welcoming Brian in with a moan. Slowly and carefully Brian continued the process, pulling back just a little, and then pushing in even deeper. And then, Justin could feel all of him inside.

“Oh fuck, Justin…You feel so good.” Brian murmured and Justin could feel his warm breath on his skin.

Brian began moving his hips again and Justin moved his body in time with his. They rocked slowly together, each savoring the feeling of their bodies once again being in sync. “Brian, please don’t stop, please. God, please.” Justin murmured somewhat incoherently. His eyes were shut tightly.

Brian began moving faster, and moved his knees underneath him so he could get a better angle. Justin cried out as that angle pressed Brian’s cock right on that spot. “Oh fuck!” He moaned and his head pressed back against the mattress as Brian kept hitting it right on.

Justin could tell when Brian was getting close, as his thrusts became more erratic and forceful. That, and the low grunts Brian let loose with every thrust let him know that he was about to climax. Justin could feel his own growing inside of him as well. Brian didn’t even have to touch his cock and he was close. He wrapped an arm around Brian’s neck and held on tightly as his body rocked with Brian’s.

His breaths came out in hard puffs and he felt heat begin to spread over his entire body. Then, his second climax ripped through him and his body clenched up. All he was able to do was hold onto Brian and trust that Brian would do the rest. He could feel a few more thrusts before a warmth filled him inside and he knew Brian had come as well.

“Justin…”

He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t think. Brian had actually fucked his brains out.

“Justin.”

He sounded a bit more insistent this time but still Justin couldn’t mutter an answer.

“Hey! Are you okay?”

‘Oh shit. He’s actually worried.’ Justin thought and managed to open his eyes to see Brian hovering over him. He didn’t remember falling back onto the bed and realized he might have actually passed out. “I’m okay.” He assured and chuckled a bit. “Of course I’m okay. That was…amazing.”

Brian smirked a little and rolled his eyes. “Well obviously.”

“Yeah, obviously.” Justin teased, shifting on the bed and finding a pillow to rest his head on. Brian moved as well, reaching over to grab a cigarette and lighter. He laid back and looked up at the ceiling. Justin took it as Brian passed it over to him and took a long drag from it before handing it back.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes and Justin's mind wandered.  He wondered what was going to happen to him in the future. Clearly he wasn’t going to kill himself, and there was no institute looming over his head, but he didn’t really know what that meant for him. He turned his head to watch Brian make smoke rings; they floated up towards the ceiling and were mesmerizing.

“What happens now?” He asked suddenly, needing to have some kind of direction in his life.

“Well, in about five minutes I was going to fuck you again.” Brian said and even looking at him from the side Justin could see the slight upturn of Brian’s lips.

Justin rolled his eyes affectionately, but then shook his head. “No I mean…Later. Tomorrow. The next day. What happens?”

“Whatever you want.” Brian answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And Justin wondered if maybe he was making it more complicated than it needed to be. But for months he had been certain that he had no future; now that he did, he wanted to make the most of it.

“I want to go to school.” He declared and Brian shrugged.

“I’ll call PIFA. I’m sure for the right amount we can get you back in.” Brian assured, handing him back the cigarette, but Justin rejected it with a shake of his head.

“Not PIFA. Somewhere else.” He informed and Brian stilled and very slowly turned to look at him.

“Not PIFA? A year ago you wouldn’t fucking shut up about the place, and now you don’t want to go? I can get a spot open for you, Justin. If this is about you not thinking your hand can handle it-.”

“No, it’s not that.” Justin sat up and looked down at Brian, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. “They kicked me out. When I was at my lowest they just dropped me without warning. They didn’t even give me a chance to get better. They didn’t care. I don’t want to go to a school run by people like that. It’s not like I’m saying I want to quit art, of course I don’t want that. But before – last year – I was certain that the only way to be an artist was to go there. But that’s not true.” Justin said, reaching over to the drawer in the nightstand to pull out the comic coloring book.

“This is art too. And I really like it. Michael said we could make our own comic book. That would be a lot of fun. We could sell it at his store. We could do whatever we wanted.” He said and watched Brian sit up as well. Brian reached out for the book and flipped through the pages as if he was appraising the quality.

“So you want to make a comic book?” He asked and Justin shrugged.

“Yeah. Maybe. Once my hand is stronger. I told Michael that I needed some time. It will be a lot harder than coloring pictures.” He said as if Brian wasn’t intimately aware of what condition his hand was in.

“Yeah, but you can do it. What about school?” He asked and Justin shrugged a little.

“Maybe I could go to Melon or something. They have an art department there. And I could take other classes too. Business classes or something, if the comic book goes anywhere then I’d need to have some idea of what to do.” Justin was painfully aware of the irony of what he was saying, but he watched Brian’s face carefully and the man didn’t give anything away. Justin waited, knowing that Brian was considering all the pros and cons.

“That’s not a bad idea, Sunshine.” Brian spoke after what felt like an eternity. “Michael’s professor boyfriend works there too. We could talk to him about admittance.” He added and Justin smiled a little. “What about your…people problem?” Brian asked carefully and Justin shrugged.

“I’m getting better. I went outside without you there and I didn’t have a panic attack.” Justin purposefully left out the parts where he had to stop for minutes at a time and ducked out of the flow of traffic to preserve his sanity. “It’s not like I can start tomorrow anyways. It’ll take time to get in.  By the time I actually start classes I should be good as new.”

Brian glanced up from the book then and caught his eye. Justin still wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but he was certain he saw some pride in there. “Sounds like you got it all figured out.” He commented and Justin shrugged once more.

“We’ll see. I might change my mind.” He admitted and Brian just chuckled a bit.

“Worry about all that later and come take care of this problem I’m having.” He insisted and tugged Justin closer. Justin could feel Brian’s cock, hard and ready again. He pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth and then moved down to his shaft. Brian was right – the future could wait.  Right now, they were together and that was all he needed.