BRIAN

“Brian, hey Brian, you want to wake up and pretend to be the boss.” I hear what sounds like Ted.

I open my eyes and realize that I’m at work, not at home. God, I just want to sleep here tonight, to get some sleep. I look and wonder how Ted got through the horny stage and how long does it last.

“Ted, how did you manage to keep your energy level up with Blake?” I ask him.

“What are you talking about Boss?” Ted asks me.

“You know, with the overactive sex drive. I mean Justin is demanding at least round three or four before I can get some sleep. How long does this stage last.” I yawn.

“Wait, are you telling me Justin not only wants sex, but usually three or four times a night?” Ted asks. 

“Yeah, but that isn’t unusual for him. It’s just that he would go all night if I didn’t stop him. When did Blake stop?” I ask him.

“Blake never started, it’s been all ‘don’t touch me’. I mean we do still have sex, but just once a week or so.” Ted tells me.

“I think I need  to go home and thank Justin. Not even once a day, that’s kind of pathetic Theodore.” I tell him.

“I just need to make sure I don’t mention that to Blake, it will come out as Justin being better than him, again.” Ted tells me.

“Is he still pissed you called him and told him to get windshield wipers?” I ask Ted.

“He says it only proves that I don’t think he’s capable of taking care of anything on his own.” Ted tells me.

I think I’ll just be happy that Justin wants sex, all the time. I can’t even get in the door before he is trying. Poor Ted hasn’t said one thing right since the dinner at Deb’s. Justin seems to have gotten over his tuna stage. I check everywhere in the house and not a can of tuna to be found. I asked him how he go through the horny stage the last time. Justin shrugged and told me he lived with Daphne. I had to stop Daphne from beating his ass for that statement. 

My mother learned not to think Justin’s threats were harmless. She showed up at the diner and started preaching to all of the diners. Justin didn’t say a word, he just showed up at mass the following Sunday and waited for my mother to stumble. I came to see the show.

“MRS KINNEY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE BRIAN AND I TOLD YOU NOT TO DRINK BEFORE THE SERVICE. I GUESS THE OTHER PEOPLE HERE ARE SO USED TO YOUR DRINKING THEY DIDN’T NOTICE.” Justin loudly whispers.

Justin turned to another person and says, “This church must be really lenient, my mother’s church probably wouldn’t let us in if we drank the way Joan Kinney does.” 

“I did not drink, young man.” My mother tells him.

“JOAN, you shouldn’t lie in church, I know, maybe you should drink vodka instead of sherry. Then no one could smell it on you, they'd just think you're clumsy.” Justin told her.

The other ladies sniffed the air, my mother tried to get away. Justin wasn’t through with her. “MRS. KINNEY, you need me to call you a cab? You don’t want to kill someone driving. Lucky that she made it here.” Justin tells my mother and all the other people sitting there.

Claire, who doesn’t care about anyone’s opinion, tried to tell Justin that I should be helping her boys go to private school too. Justin told her if the boys could pass the specialized testing at Jackson’s school, he’d gladly pay for not only their tuition but their college. My sister never bothered to check if either kid could get in, not that either could have read the exam. 

Lindsey, had what I refer to as a flare up. Sam ran into an old girlfriend and Lindsay caught him screwing the girl in the bathroom. Lindsay called and demanded I fly out there and get her. I hung up. By the next Saturday, Sam was wonderful again. Gus mentioned the new baby and Lindsey tried to give Justin advice on prenatal care. Justin told her that having a twat didn’t make her much of an expert on male pregnancy. Lindsey actually thought Justin was joking around. I’m sure she figured it out when he hung up on her.

Michael on the other hand is an emailing little fiend. If I don’t have at least four in my box then I assume Michael hasn’t sent one yet. I don’t read them, Ted and Cynthia will randomly read one, just for the laugh. 

I am surprisingly monogamous, I can honestly say that it was easy. The only time we’re not having sex is when I'm working and when the boys are with us. I don’t bother to look, I’m too tired. Justin told me that we could go back to an open relationship after he has the baby. I told him we could talk about it way after the baby’s born, I’m not thrilled he wants to try someone else. 

JUSTIN

Standing in front of the mirror, I was turning sideways to see if there's a bump. I was kind of jealous that Blake looked more pregnant at this stage. Nope, still flat. Blake, my buddy, got me a tuna sub on his way here. We have an agreement between the two of us, I don’t tell that Mr Fruit has been eating a box of HoHo’s a day, as long as he sneaks me a sub. 

“Would you stop trying to make me jealous that you don't look pregnant. I'm a fucking whale, and you actually lost weight.” Blake tells me. 

“Stop eating all the snack cakes. You probably gain five pounds holding the box. I don't even get why you're hiding it from Ted.” I tell him. I took a big bite and dropped some to the ground for YumYum, she’s been helping me keep my secret.

“Ted would be stupid enough to mention that I'm getting fat, because I'm eating it. I just forgave him for telling me I look like Buddha.” Blake tells me. 

We hear someone trying to open my studio door. I put my my sub in my art supply cabinet and Blake hid the HoHo’s under the daybed. I grabbed my toothbrush and did a quick scrub. Blake waited till I was through and opened the door. Emmett came in with a bag.

“Brian and Ted wanted me to come by and bring you two some food. I got you both a veggie wrap, from the deli.” Emmett tells us.

Blake and I hate veggie wraps, but we eat the stupid things, to keep the boys from figuring out anything. Blake gets the ‘Ted is an asshole’ look and dials the phone.

“So not only am I fat, but I can’t feed myself? Maybe you should come and feed me, since I can’t do anything right.” Blake tells Ted and hangs up.

“You know Blake, you’re suppose to use the pregnancy power sparingly. Brian would no longer believe my crying if I did it all the time. I just use it when I want him to do things. Poor Ted is never going to want another kid if you act like a raving asshole all the time.” I tell him.

“Justin, you forget your baby daddy is Brian Kinney. Ted, unlike Brian, is used to being abused, so Blake has more leeway.” Emmett tells us. Emmett pulls out the wraps. I tried to feed it to YumYum, but even she has standards.

“I don’t mean to, it’s just I want to yell and Ted puts up with it.” Blake tells us.

“Brian has been inspecting the kitchen every night looking for tuna. I use sex to get him to stop trying to find evidence. I’m so glad that I don’t have a job to go to, I’d never make it. I’m still trying to figure out how Brian stays awake at work.” I tell them.

“Why would you need to use sex to keep Brian from looking?” Emmett asks me. Fuck, I forgot Emmett is a tattle tale too.

“I just think it’s stupid that he can’t trust me.” I tell Emmett. 

Emmett starts walking around and looking at things. I watch Emmett pull the HoHo’s out from under the daybed. Blake sticks his tongue out at Emmett. I lean against my cabinet. Emmett walks up to me and picks me up and puts me down next to Blake. I wanted to run over there and stop him. Emmett pulls out the sandwich and shakes his head at us. Blake looks guilty. 

“YOU WILL PUT THAT SANDWICH BACK, OR I’LL TELL MY STEPMOM YOU AND SIMON HAD SEX IN HER BED.” I tell him. Emmett put the sandwich back and hands Blake his box.

“Um. I think I’ll go and see if Deb needs me.” Emmett hurries out of the room.

I grab the offending wraps and put them in the trash. Blake and I smile and eat, score one for us pregnant guys.

MICHAEL

I was checking my email, to see if Brian wrote me back. It’s been four months and he is still not talking to me. My email was mostly spam. I see an email from Paul, I guess he’s not pissed at me anymore.

Michael,

I just thought I’d let you know that Eli and I are going to have a commitment ceremony. Eli tried to talk to your mother about allowing the hustlers in the halfway house walk anywhere in the neighborhood. I told him we should tell you and you could talk to her about it. We don’t want the neighborhood to become Liberty Avenue. You should see your friend Ted’s boyfriend, he is huge, I told him he should stop eating so much, it’s unhealthy. Justin told me to mind my own fucking business, in front of all our friends. I told him I was just concerned and he didn’t needed to be nasty about it. They both walked away and I heard they are both pregnant. I wanted to tell them both they should get some birth control, because they are assholes and their kids will be like them. Anyway, Eli and I wanted to invite you to the ceremony, but will understand if you don’t come. Most of our old friends are still pissed at you. 

Paul

That fucking twink better have not trapped Brian with another kid. I sit and reread it again. I need to find out who the slut is saying is the father. Ted and Brian won’t answer my emails, I decide to send an email back to Paul and ask him to see if he can find out who the twink is saying is the father. 

I could have been the father of Brian’s kids, if he would have just given me a chance. I can just imagine me and Brian having a baby. I must have been daydreaming for a while because David walked up to see what I was looking at. David could see this email, there is nothing he could get upset about in it. I wait and start writing an email to Paul, I started calling Justin a twink but I need to make sure Paul knows who I was talking about.

DAVID

Michael has been staring at the screen for a while. I walked up behind them and see some guy name Paul was letting Michael know about their commitment ceremony. I hope Michael doesn’t think I plan on doing that with him. Truthfully, if he doesn’t start helping around the house and do all the things I can’t do because I work, Michael might find a ticket to Pittsburgh in his hands soon. 

I also think Michael needs to start working out, his starting to gain weight.