Chapter 22 - Rape Me.
Brian had been seriously booking it all day. They’d only pulled over once, about two hours after they left Clear Lake, Illinois, in a little roadside rest stop. They’d stopped just long enough for Justin to make them something to eat and for Brian to ingest another half a pot of coffee. Brian knew they were less than a day away from home, if they could just keep going, and he had his hopes set on getting there before nightfall.
Justin had meanwhile been sitting there quietly, thinking and drawing and dozing off and on all day long. He was remembering, over and over again, the night before and the wonderful things that Brian had done to him. He was still a little sore, but that only served to keep the memories fresh. And the tender way Brian had treated him both before and after they’d had sex, made it all worthwhile. Justin was so in love with that man already, he could barely stand it.
Interspersed with those wonderful memories, however, were flashes of some of the other things he’d learned about his boyfriend. These reflections weren’t nearly as pleasing. Most notably, he couldn’t shake the thought of Gus’ mothers and their treatment of Brian out of his mind. How could anyone deny a child the love of a parent? Especially a parent who was such a kind and caring person as Brian Kinney? Furthemore, how could Brian be denied access to his own son? Justin was both angry for and at Brian. He was angry at Brian for not being firmer with those women who were supposed to be his friends. Didn’t they realize Brian wasn’t a walking blank check for them to fill in at will? Regardless of what those silly women thought, Justin promised himself that he would treat Brian with the love and care he deserved. And these thoughts just wouldn’t leave him even as they sped down the highway on the way back towards Brian’s home.
Unfortunately, their late night out dancing, combined with the poor night’s sleep that Brian had received because of sleeping rough the night before, meant that the tired brunet was flagging by early-afternoon. A couple of times Brian had even caught himself with his eyes halfway closed, jerking awake with a start. No matter how much he wanted to rush home, Brian knew he had to take a break or they’d probably end up in the ditch dead after he fell asleep at the wheel.
As soon as they crossed the border into West Virginia, just before they hit Wheeling, Brian pulled off at the first exit that indicated there was a gas station and restaurant. When Brian saw the huge, mostly empty parking lot that surrounded the truck stop, he had a brilliant idea. And, if this worked, not only would he get a well needed rest, but it might help Justin gain a little more self-confidence. Brian pulled the RV to a stop at the far edge of the large paved area, turned off the engine and then looked over at his silent blond companion.
“Sunshine, I’m going to teach you how to drive,” Brian announced matter-of-factly.
Justin’s eyes got huge and his mouth dropped open in surprise before he shook his head furiously. “Oh . . . No, Brian. You can’t do that . . .”
“Yes, I can. And I will, Justin,” Brian insisted, getting up out of the driver’s seat and moving around until he was standing behind the blond’s chair. With a confident grip, Brian physically lifted Justin out of his seat and manhandled him till he was in the driver’s seat with his hands nervously white knuckling the steering wheel.
Ten minutes later they were still sitting there and the only progress Brian had made was to get Justin to turn the key in the ignition so that the engine had once more purred to life. The older man had repeatedly explained what each of the pedals did and how to steer. Justin, however, was still just sitting there looking as pale as a ghost and practically frozen solid.
“Let’s recap,” Brian sighed as he went through the instructions for starting the vehicle moving one more time. “To start, press the brake down, shift into drive and then slowly press down on the gas pedal. It’s easy. Brake, gas, go! You can do this, Justin. It’s easy, right?”
“No. No, that’s hard, Brian,” Justin shook his head again, looking at Brian with a panicky grimace. “I-I-I can’t do it, Brian. I can’t. What if I accidentally press the wrong pedal and kill us or worse?”
“You’ll be fine, Sunshine. Now, just drive us to the other end of the lot,” Brian ordered.
“No!”
“Justin . . . It’s okay. I’m right here. You can do this. I know you can. It’s just brake, gas and go.”
Justin turned back so he was facing forward and examined the prospect ahead of him with a look of sheer terror on his face. Finally, with a look of resignation, Justin screwed up his courage and decided to try. First, though, he shook his hands out as if to get a better grip on the wheel. Sadly, as his left hand flailed around it accidentally came into contact with the lever that sprayed the windshield washer fluid and set the wipers going at full speed. And, while he was trying desperately to turn that off, he then hit another button that caused the RV’s super-loud Hadley air horn to blast away at its full 145 decibels - which was enough to scare the crap out of everyone in a half mile radius and, nearer to hand, caused Brian and Justin’s vision to blur momentarily as the noise was so loud that it caused their eyeballs to vibrate. Justin’s scream was almost as loud and lasted long after the air horn’s blast died away.
“I-I-I can’t! I can’t, Brian!” Justin’s shoulders sagged with defeat. “I can’t do this. I can’t do things like normal people.”
“What do you think you’ve been doing the past week, Justin?” Brian demanded, looking at Justin expectantly even when the boy turned a confused glance on him. “THINGS . . . “ Brian waved his hands in the air as if to encompass all the adventures they’d had on their trip so far.
“But I’ve only done those things because I’ve been with you, Brian. I’ve never done anything like this before. I don’t know how. And I would never have done any of those other things without you helping me.” Justin maintained.
“That’s not true, Sunshine.” Brian was adamant. “You followed me out of Brighton Hospital all by yourself - I never told you to do that. And after that you flew in a plane, you danced at a wedding, you’ve taken me on adventure after adventure while we drove across the country together. This morning you even outsmarted a state trooper, Sunshine. And you did that all on your own without my help.”
“He wasn’t very smart,” Justin qualified with a dubious shake of his head.
“No. He wasn’t very smart . . . But still, Justin, don’t you see? You can do anything you want. Anything in the world. ANYTHING. You just have to want to try. And I know you can do this too.” Brian insisted again.
For about ten seconds Brian thought that Justin was going to take a stab at it. The boy looked at his hands lying on the steering wheel and gulped a big breath of air into his lungs before slowly letting it out. But then, as he watched, Brian saw the shadow of all the doubts Justin had been subjected to all his life creep into the boy’s face. Brian could tell that the younger man really wanted to believe that he could do this too. But all the negativity his mother had heaped on him for the first nineteen years of his life were too heavy of a burden. With a sad little shrug of his shoulders, Justin let his hands fall from the steering wheel and he looked over at Brian with the most heartbreaking look of defeat.
“I think I need more time, Brian,” Justin whispered with an almost guilty sideways glance at his boyfriend.
Brian might have even argued with him if not for the momentary distraction of his phone - which was right then sitting in the cup holder on the dash - chiming to let him know he had a text message. “Okay, Sunshine . . . we’ll try again later. Why don’t we take a break and at least get something to eat at the diner over there before we get back on the road. If you go get us a table I’ll be along in a minute.”
Justin bolted - obviously more than willing to take the out that he’d been given - darting out of the RV and trotting across the broad expanse of the parking area towards the truck stop’s restaurant. Brian picked up his phone. The text message he’d received was from Cynthia, insisting that he call her ‘IMMEDIATELY!!!!!’ Brian sighed, not at all looking forward to whatever message his assistant would likely be relaying to him, since it wasn’t likely to be pleasant. He knew he couldn’t put her off any longer though. Brian had been basically incognito for an entire week now and the time when he could hide from his troubles in this fashion was rapidly coming to an end.
Brian climbed out of the RV, much more sedately than Justin had a moment earlier, and hit the speed dial for Cynthia as he slowly ambled across the pavement.
“It’s about time, Brian!” Cynthia’s greeting did not come across at all cordial. “Where the fuck are you? The police came to see me again this morning and they didn’t seem at all amused when I told them that I still had no real idea where you were.”
“We’re on our way back, Cyn. I promise,” Brian assured her. “We’re actually pretty close. I should be there by tonight . . . tomorrow at the latest.”
“Good. Because you have a shitload of shit to clear up once you’re back,” Cynthia seemed a little placated by the knowledge that Brian’s return was imminent. Of course that only allowed her to move on to discussing one of the other myriad of things she was worrying about. “Are you sure you’re okay, Brian? The police . . . they warned me AGAIN that this Justin Taylor you’re with is really unstable . . . They told me that he’s wanted for MURDER, Brian, and that he was only at that hospital for a determination as to whether he was sane enough to charge with the crime. They were really insistent that he’s dangerous. Are you sure you’re safe with him around?”
“Fuck, Cynthia! Justin’s not like that at ALL! Those fuckers have no idea what the hell they’re talking about,” Brian’s anger came through the phone line as clear as day and was enough to shut his assistant up. “It doesn’t matter though. I’ll . . . I’ll clear that up as soon as we get back, too.”
Brian stomped through the doors of the truck stop, looking around to figure out where the restaurant entrance was so he could find his little blond, while trying to figure out how to end this unpleasant phone conversation as expeditiously as possible.
“Okay, but . . . I’m just worried about you, Brian,” Cynthia went on, not yet reassured. “And, on top of everything else, you’re facing serious criminal charges now too. I just don’t know HOW this is all going to work out.” Brian’s normally unflappable assistant sounded earnestly worried, which wasn’t helping to assuage any of Brian’s own fears. “You know that you’re going to have to turn this Justin guy over to the police, right? And even then, I doubt you’ll just skate free without some major legal repercussions. You ARE planning on turning this kid over to the police, right?” When there was no immediate response from Brian, Cynthia restated her demand. “Brian? You’re going to take the kid straight to the police, right? Right?”
“Shit! Yes. Yes, of course I’m going to turn him over to the police, Cynthia. I don’t really have any other choice, now, do I? But . . .” Brian was just about to explain that he was first going to get a lawyer involved because he didn’t want to simply hand Justin over when he knew the kid hadn’t done what they were accusing him of, only that’s when he turned around and noticed that the boy had been standing behind him and had overheard at least some of his conversation.
“You . . . You said no more phone calls, Brian . . .” Justin accused, backing away from Brian with a devastated look on his usually sunny countenance. “You promised me Brian! You said that everything would be fine . . . but . . . but you were lying to me. You’re just going to hand me back over to the hospital, aren’t you? Aren’t you?” Justin turned and ran straight for the RV.
Brian had been too stunned at first to do anything - he knew instantly what Justin had heard and what he must have thought. When he finally gathered his wits, he hollered after the boy’s rapidly retreating back, “Justin. Justin! Justin, wait!” But it was already too late by then as the younger man had reached the RV. Brian started sprinting across the parking lot, waving and yelling to try to get the boy to stop, but already knowing that it wouldn’t do any good.
Getting into the driver’s seat, Justin shakily started the ignition. He tried to remember what Brian had said earlier about driving the mountainous vehicle; brake, gas, go. He moved the gear shift lever into ‘Drive’ first, then, before he had a chance to rethink things, Justin instinctively pressed his right foot down on the gas pedal, and the home on wheels took off like a shot. The initial shock of the RV’s power was enough to make Justin yelp. He was so intimidated by the machine that when he saw himself careening headlong toward a group of semi’s that were parked at the far edge of the paved area, his first instinct was to close his eyes and just scream. Luckily, he also jerked on the steering wheel at the same time making the RV curve in a sharp turn to the right.
The RV made a complete doughnut before Justin let go of the wheel completely. It then fishtailed, swerving back and forth a few times, before the monstrous machine collided head on with a nearby dumpster and finally came to a halt. Brian watched in horror as the scene unfolded - his only concern was that Justin was not seriously hurt. When the vehicle came to a screeching stop, Brian ran as fast as his weary legs could carry him, intent on attending to whatever Justin’s injuries might be. When he reached the wreckage, he wrenched open the door and scrambled up into the RV faster than he would have thought it was possible for him to move, thanking a God he hadn’t believed in for years when he saw Justin sitting there, panting and looking scared but not otherwise injured. It seemed that Justin was only a little shaken up by the ordeal. Brian dropped to his knees, feeling weak as the relief flooded through him.
“Justin . . . talk to me. Are you alright? Justin?” Brian reached up one hand to grip at Justin’s knee.
“Brian?” Justin looked down at the man kneeling before him, his face still splotchy and awash with tears.
“Yeah, it’s me, you silly twat,” Brian responded affectionately, not being able to prevent the smile that spread across his face.
Once Brian had got Justin calmed down and the RV pulled off to the side of the parking lot again, Brian led them both into the diner. They were still sitting there at one of the booths, Justin rubbing his bare feet together nervously under the table but neither one saying much. Brian wasn’t sure what there was to say. Justin was the first to break the silence.
“I’m so sorry Brian. I’m always making a mess of things,” Justin started to apologize, but then his anger resurfaced. “I was just so upset because I feel like you haven’t been honest with me. Was it all just pretend, Brian? Did you ever really want to be my boyfriend? Were you always planning to take me back?”
Brian turned to look out the diner window so that he wouldn’t see the disappointment in the young man’s eyes.
“No, it wasn’t ALL pretend . . . I mean, yes, at first I guess I WAS only pretending to be your boyfriend. But then I got to really know you and everything changed, Justin. You . . . you made me care about you in a way that I have never felt about anyone before. A way I didn’t think I ever could.” Brian had to look away from the intensity in the youth’s big blue eyes but he kept on talking nonetheless, trying to explain something that he himself felt was inexplicable. “I don’t want to take you back, Sunshine. But I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t have any other choice. Taking you back was the only way I knew of for both of us to avoid getting into any major trouble. Of course I was going to get us a lawyer first, but I figured we’d still have to turn ourselves in eventually. I had hoped that, that way, I could at least avoid going to jail, because I won’t be much help to you from a jail cell. But, unfortunately, I don’t see any alternative now. The police are probably already on the way after your little driving adventure, and . . . well, I don’t see any way to keep the people at the hospital away from you - at least for a little while,” Brian could see the tears starting to build up in the young blond’s eyes at this admission. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying to help you, Sunshine. I’ll do whatever I can. That IS a promise. Okay?”
“I don’t want to go back there, Brian. I don’t . . .” Justin reached out across the table and grabbed ahold of Brian’s hand. “I don’t want to be there without you.”
“You’ll be fine, Sunshine. I know you’ll be fine. You just have to be strong. And you have to tell the doctors what REALLY happened to your mother. You have to make them understand that you’re not really crazy. You’re not the one who heard the voices.” Brian insisted, trying desperately to get his point made before they ran out of time - and judging by the distant wailing of police sirens approaching the truck stop, their time was short.
“I’ll try, Brian. I’ll try . . . Am I going to have to live at the hospital for a long time, though?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” Brian shook his head.
“No one’s going to know where I am. Nobody even cares where I am or what happens to me,” Justin finally let the tears overflow and drip down his cheeks.
“I’ll know, Justin. And I DO care,” Brian asserted, leaning forward so that he could look into the big watery blue eyes and hopefully convey his sincerity.
Outside, the sirens wailed even louder as three police cars barrelled off the interstate and pulled into the truck stop’s parking lot. Out of the corner of his eye, Brian could see that one of the police cars pulled up directly behind the parked RV. The other two came to a screeching halt right outside the doors leading into the restaurant.
“You’re not going to forget me, Brian, are you?” Justin asked in a hushed, doubting voice.
Brian smiled softly at the young blond and tucked an unruly strand of hair behind his ear before replying, “Not a chance Sunshine . . . there is no way I could ever forget you,” Brian conceded before he leaned across the table, supporting his weight with his arms on the table top, and moved in to tenderly kiss the beautiful, sweet, pouty lips of his favorite barefoot boy.
Which was when the glass doors to the restaurant were thrown open and four West Virginia State Troopers in their green on green uniforms stormed into the room. Out in the parking lot, Brian could see the one cop parked next to the RV talking on his radio - probably calling in the plate numbers - while he inspected the damage to the front end of the vehicle. Brian calmly sat back down on the bench seat of the booth and just waited for the inevitable.
“Brian Kinney? You’re under arrest . . .” Brian didn’t bother even trying to listen to the words that were barked out at him by the fattest of the four troopers aiming their guns at the pair as they rushed up to the booth where he and Justin were sitting. Brian was more focused on maintaining eye contact with the now cowering blond boy. He wanted to stay calm and keep a cool head in order to show the younger man that there was nothing to be afraid of. It wasn’t easy, though, with the fat trooper physically pulling him out of the booth by his arm and then shoving him face down onto the ratty, unclean carpeting that covered the diner’s floor. He remained stoically quiet through the Mirandizing process and did his best to keep an unassuming air about himself. The only time Brian almost lost it was when Justin cried out - taken by surprise when one of the troopers grabbed his shoulder in order to lead the boy away - but by then Brian was handcuffed and wouldn’t have been able to do much to protect his Sunshine anyway, so his momentary struggle was easily quelled.
All he could do was watch, silently, as Justin was led away. The panicked look in the blond boy’s eyes as he strained to keep sight of Brian even while he was tugged out the door and dragged over to the nearest waiting police car, was heartbreaking. Brian could barely stand the look of abject fear and betrayal he saw in those sorrow filled eyes. He tried to smile and nod reassuringly to the boy, but knew that his effort probably fell flat. He himself had no illusions about the heaping huge pile of trouble they were both now in.
And Brian didn’t have any idea how he would fix things this time - if it even could be fixed - or whether or not he’d ever see his beguiling barefoot blond again.
