Chapter Four
The New Brian
I stayed by his bed all night. I don’t know if I can take this. He didn’t understand that I was Justin. There were times when he would ask if I was Justin and I’d tell him I was and he’d believe me and then there were times when he would look at me as if he thought I was lying. I don’t know what to make of it, they ran a lot of tests and I have to meet with the doctor soon. I need answers, I need Brian
“What the fuck is going on?” Brian thought. This is not right. You know how it is when you try to do something and you know exactly what you are going to do and how you’re going to do it but then when you go to do it something goes terribly wrong. That’s what’s happening now. That’s my life now. I hate this guy. Someone should shoot me, where the fuck was Ted, or Michael? We had a deal, if I were to be different if something were to be wrong with me they were too pull my plug. This is not normal.” Brian thought
“Michael I can’t tell you anything, the doctors are meeting with Justin in a few minutes.” Brendan stated.
“You know what’s going on, you know what they are going to tell him what’s the matter with him?”
“Nothing is wrong with him, when you start thinking that there’s something is wrong is when something is wrong with him. He’s recovering he went through a trauma; his head hit the ground after his body was propelled for a velocity through the air. There was supposed to be problems Michael all you have to do is be there for him. I know you will. You love him so I will be there.”
“I will Brendan for whatever he needs.” Michael said as he continued to eat his breakfast.
Everything is going over my head. Neurons and electrodes it’s all about signals. Apparently signals are sent to the brain to do simple tasks. Brian’s brain knows what it wants to do and he thinks like a normal person but on its way to complete the tasks things get jumbled and he gets confused and sometimes things go awry. That’s why Brian kept asking was I Justin. He knew I was Justin, but he had to reassure himself that I was Justin. It didn’t make sense. I’m scared, but I realize Brian most be terrified.
“Is it permanent?” Justin asked Dr. Hooks Brian’s neurologist.
“I can’t say that it is Justin, I can’t say that it isn’t. Everyone is different the important thing is that you are there for him and that you let him know that you care. Can you do that Justin, if you can’t here’s some places that will take him.” Dr. Hooks stated as he handed Justin a folder.
Justin thought that he’d vomit when he saw what the doctor had handed him. Brochure on top of brochure for mental institutions, or “homes” for “special” people. Brian might have been a bit confused about some things but when he looked at him he still saw his Brian. He still loved him. He wasn’t going to lock him away for anybody. He was Brian.
“No thanks. We’ll be fine. Where is he now?” Justin asked.
“Well we want to see what it is that he remembers and he doesn’t. So a nurse is with him now, and they are doing what anyone does at the start of the day. They are getting dressed.
Brian didn’t like Nurse Kelly; she spoke to him like he was a child. A child he definitely was not.
“Why are you here?” he asked.
“I’m here to help you, in case anything goes wrong that way you don’t have to wait for anyone to come in I’m already here.
“Bitch!” Brian thought. “Thanks.” Brian said.
“Mr. Kinney it’s bath time so why don’t you just tell me if you were going to take a bath what would you need?” she asked him sensitively.
“Who the hell did this bitch think she was” Brian thought. Like he didn’t know what he needed for a fucking bath. “Stupid Bitch!” he thought again.
Brian looked at the items that were scattered across his table. He wasn’t stupid he knew what he needed. He needed his soap, a cloth, a towel, shaving crème, and of course his razor. He didn’t see his razor they had stupid disposable ones but he guess that’s what they wanted him to get. So he got them too.
Kelly Perkins was very happy that he had picked out the correct items. She knew that he could do it. He was proud that he had made such great progress. If he could do this simple task then she knew that the damage wasn’t that severe and maybe just maybe everything would be okay for him.
“Okay Brian now go in there and take your bath.” She stated as they both walked into the bathroom.
“Okay you can leave now.” Brian stated.
“No I stay here while you shower.” Kelly stated.
“You can’t stand there while I take my bath I’m going to take off my robe I’ll be naked.” Brian stated looking at her like she was out of her damn mind.
“No like I told you I am here in case you need a little help just go over there and pull the shower curtain and I won’t be able to see.” She said as she pointed to the shower curtain.
“Ugly flowers.” Brian said referring to the shower curtain.
Taking a bath is easy. Who couldn’t take a bath?” Brian thought
Brian was getting very frustrated before the bath even started. He knew that he could do this. Who can’t take a bath? First things first, turn on the damn shower. He looked at the knobs and pressed them. Nothing happened.
“What the fuck?” he said out loud.
He then went to turn them, and nothing happened, they wouldn’t even budge that’s not right at all he thought. He pulled the top of his shower gel and put some on the washcloth and began to wash his body. See he knew that he could take a bath easy. He dropped his towel in the bottom of the shower. He didn’t even care that it was on the floor he just continued to rub himself. He got to his cock which was hard for some odd reason and he began to wash himself. The sensation was doing things to him and before he knew it he had forgotten what he was supposed to be doing and he was masturbating. It felt so good; he could feel his release then”
“Mr. Kinney!” Kate shrieked.
“What?” Brian asked angrily.
“Could you please not masturbate in front of me?” she asked nicely.
“Don’t look.” Brian replied as he continued to do it in front of Kate. He didn’t stop until he came and then he felt very sleepy.
She couldn’t believe that he had done that right in front of her. She was disappointed that he thought he was taking his bath, but it never occurred to him the fact that he didn’t use water. Dissociation, she had to put that down as a symptom. Poor guy, she would do whatever she could to make him better.
“Alright Mr. Kinney, we are going to try the bath again only this time we are going to do it with the water.” Then she leaned into him and turned on the dial. It really hurt her when she saw the look of shame on his face when he realized that he was there naked soaped from his head to his toe, but not one drop of water had touched him.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“It’s fine Brian, and don’t you worry things will get better.
“You understand what I just said right?” Justin asked his daughter.
“Yea you said that daddy hurt his head and he may not know me. Why not? Did he forget you too? Did he forget Gus?” Izzy asked.
“No I’m not sure that he forgot Gus and if he remembers me well yea he does, yesterday he didn’t believe I was me but this morning he believed I was me so yea he remembers me. “
“So he might remember me tomorrow if he doesn’t remember me today?” she asked.
“Yea.” Was all he said hoping to god that Brian didn’t hurt his little girl’s feelings when he returned to his room?
“Are we going to see your dad today?” Chris asked as she entered the house.
“I don’t know why don’t we just stay here and watch some TV or something.” Gus responded.
“That could be cool, but I understand if you want to go and see your dad, after what happened the other day. I mean seems like the security should be a bit better at that hospital so that the patients can’t just wander anything could have happened to your dad. If I were Justin I would speak to them about that.”
“Could we not talk about him right now? I mean you haven’t even kissed me yet all you do is talk about dad being in that place being like that.”
Chris was not stupid. She knew that it was killing Gus to see his father like that, and she also knew that he was trying to shut down his emotions not show her that he had a heart. He should know by now that she knew better. She wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t a loving person and he was. He was the most understanding man that she knew. She didn’t care that her parents thought they were too young to know what real love was. She knew it and she found it in him. He was her everything.
“Fine, we can sit around and watch movies if you like, but know this I’m here for you Gus, no matter what you want to do. If you want to sit here and watch movies, or go and see your dad I’m here. Where’s Izzy?”
“Justin took her to see dad.”
“Oh I wonder how that is going. I mean I heard that he can be mean if he gets confused about something.”
“Yea I just couldn’t be there when he did something to her, I would freak before I realized that he couldn’t help himself.”
“Maybe it’ll be a good visit.
“Maybe.” He silently hoped that it was for his sister’s sake.
Justin could hear them before they entered the room. Brian was upset about something, he guess the bath didn’t go as good as they hoped. He was cursing the nurse he believed her name was Kate or Katie. He really wanted to talk to her about Brian’s progress but Lindsay had brought down Izzy eventhough he didn’t really want her to see Brian right now but here she was and she couldn’t turn her away now. She was bouncing up and down on her feet. She was smiling from the moment she heard him curse. She loved Brian, and she knew that sometimes he had a temper. He was also so gentle with her. He begged god to let him be okay with her.
Brian entered the room and he saw Justin standing there with a little girl. Her brown hair and blue eyes looking at him intensely she was torn between standing there and jumping him. What was she going to do?
“Isabella.” He thought.
“Izzy!” he said.
That was all that it took. He said her name, and he remembered her. She threw herself at his feet and then she took his hand as he slowly walked back to his bed. He climbed inside and she slid right beside him and began telling him everything about her days since he been gone and he listened.
“Daddy told me that you may not remember me but I knew you would remember me and you did.” She beamed.
“Of course Peanut how could I forget you, never.
She beamed even more when he called her his nickname. He was the only one who called her peanut and she loved that. She told him about her day, and how her kitten had scratched Lindsay. He asked if he remembered Lindsay and he told her of course. He said of course a lot but she didn’t care. He smelt like her daddy and he looked like him and she didn’t even know what anyone was talking about he was her daddy. She told him that she felt tired, and he told her to go to sleep right there beside him and he would be there when she woke up and she knew he would. She closed her eyes and thought about her daddy and what that would do when they got home. She loved him.
Justin looked at the interactions between the two of them. There was something off about them. He was shocked when he saw her, he couldn’t hide the look from him. He quickly hid it from Izzy but not from him. He wanted to say something but he kept it a secret once she started talking. He winced when she touched him but he didn’t let it show to her. Something was off and he waited until she was sound asleep before he said anything.
“Brian what’s the matter?” Justin asked.
“Nothing.” He said.
“Brian I’m not stupid how was it with Kate and the bath?” He asked cautiously.
“I forgot to turn the fucking water on, and we had to do it all over again. Stupid, I’m fucking stupid that’s what I am.” He said getting upset.
“You’re not stupid, you have gone through something and it’s going to take some time to get back to who you were but I’m here for you Brian. We will get through this together.
“Yea this is nothing.” Brian thought.
“NO! Fuck off!” Brian said.
“You can’t get rid of me like that anymore Brian. I know that you are all over the place but I will be here for you, Izzy too.” He added as he kissed Brian on the forehead.
“That’s another thing, what the hell is Mikey’s kid doing here and I thought her name was JR.” He stated as he looked down on the girl sleeping in his side.”
That was it, Justin couldn’t take anymore he didn’t remember their daughter. He couldn’t hold it in any longer he broke down right then and there. Brian wasn’t trying he wasn’t trying at all he didn’t care that he didn’t remember them but this little girl was in the bed thinking that she was sleeping next to her daddy and he had no idea who she was. How was he going to explain that to her when she woke up that he didn’t know who she was? It would cut her to the core.
Brian took in the distraught Justin. “Why was he so upset?” he thought. Then it hit him like a hurricane. Flashes of the little one in her cradle and the life that he had with her. She was his little peanut. She was theirs. How could he forget her, she was his baby, how could he forget that.
“I remember Justin.” He said making Justin jump. I remember that she ours.” Brian said with a smile. “No need to give up on me yet. I’m not totally useless.” Brian stated and he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Justin didn’t like to hear that, he couldn’t help the sting that came to his eyes. Brian was still Brian he had to let him know that he still believed that and do his best to make sure he didn’t forget it. He had to stop snapping and getting upset at every little thing. Brian was doing the best he could, what kind of husband was he if he couldn’t be there for his spouse. He needed his mom, she would get him through this, and she would tell him what he needed to do. No couldn’t call her, too much stress. She couldn’t handle stress right now. He could do this he was a man.
Christina lowered Gus’ head down on the couch and started to walk around the house. Britin2. It was a nice place, and Gus had told her of the fire that had taken the life of his mom’s mistress and how distraught she was after that. He was ten when she went away. He knew that it had to be killing him that she was back now. He loved her so much but was hurt when she had to go away, even more hurt that Melanie a woman that was his other mother had pretty much given him away after that. How can a person do that? Especially someone who was supposed to be his mother, who had fought so much to call him her own and then because she was betrayed by the woman that she loved she just had given him away. He told her how she had realized her mistake and came back for him when he was twelve and how he didn’t want to go, but because his father had no legal rights to him he had no choice but to give him back. Mel realized her mistake though, and they worked something out. They had a good relationship now but they probably wouldn’t get back to how they were. So many people had hurt Gus but Brian was his constant she could see it in the photographs all over the mantle. Brian was his son’s father in every way and now would they ever be that way again. She walked into a room far off to the right, and when she turned on the light she was astounded by what she saw.
Lindsay sat in the cafeteria at the hospital still trying to build up the courage to go and see Brian. She would use going to check on Izzy as an excuse to get in to him. Part of her was relieved that there was some brain damage and maybe just maybe he forget that he was mad at her. She shook her head unable to believe what she had just said.
“Stupid.” She said out loud.
“You are not stupid.” Melanie said as she sat down beside her. “You are afraid of what he might say when you go in there. I saw him yesterday and he was nice, which well in his case with me is okay. We’ve come to a crossroad in our relationship. We are dare I say friends. We had to become friends because of Gus. You weren’t around to play referee so we had to get along or he would end up getting hurt. Gus was more important to both of us.” Melanie stated.
“Of course that was after you dropped him literally on Brian’s doorstep after you couldn’t bear to look at him.” Lindsay spat out immediately covering her mouth after she realized what said.
“I’m so sorry Melanie I shouldn’t have said that.” Lindsay stated.
“No you are right, I did him wrong. I just couldn’t look at him without seeing you and Brian. Nothing of me looked back at me and I blamed him for what you did and what I thought Brian had done. It was yet another reason for me to hate him. You served it to me on a silver platter and I never believed him when he said that he had no idea you were going there to cheat on me. I just believed since the two of you had the relationship that you had I just figured of course he knew because it was a reason for him to get at me. You made me feel that, you made me doubt his honesty.”
“No I didn’t. That was one thing that everyone knew about Brian. No apologies, no regrets he didn’t lie. He told you what he wanted you to know whether it was something good or bad about you. Whether it was something that was going to make you love or hate him. He was always brutally honest, that’s a quality I love about him. He’s not that person anymore is he?” Lindsay stated realizing there was a good chance that person was gone for good.
“Maybe not know, but there’s no reason he can’t return to being that asshole we all know and love.” Melanie stated positively.
“You think?” Lindsay asked hoping.
“Yea come on, I’ll go up with you if you want.” Melanie stated reaching for Lindsay’s hand.
Lindsay looked at that hand for a long time and it stood there out in the open. Would she grab it? Could she grab it? She could if she wanted this back, if she wanted Melanie, Gus, and Izzy, and of course JR. “Yes she could do this.” She thought as she grabbed her hand with a squeeze.
“Come on lets go up.” She stated as they headed for the elevators.
Brian awoke with a start. That what hurt the most waking up, waking up and everything seeming normal until he opened his mouth and it all went to shit. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to go and this was not how it was going to remain. It was all very easy if he really thought about it. This so called “New Brian” well he had to die.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Can Justin love the new Brian?
To be continued.