This work has not been beta read, so all mistakes are my own.

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Meanwhile in Toronto

~Melanie

I don't know what in the hell is wrong with Lindsey.  For the first year or so that we were up here everything was great between us.  She had found a job working in a daycare and I had joined a firm as a paralegal until I could pass the bar in Canada.  Our finances were tight, but the added bonus of free childcare from Lindsey's job helped tremendously.

Years two and three things were still going great, although I could tell that every now and then Lindsey thought about Pittsburgh.  When she had found out that Brian had moved to Chicago, she had moped about the house for days.  It wasn't until he came to visit Gus that she settled down again. 

Now here we are going on a little over five years and it's like we are two strangers sharing the same house.  I know that she blames me for leaving Pittsburgh, just like she blames me for every other thing that has become a problem in our lives.  And if I am totally honest with myself, I think that she may have another Sam somewhere.  It's nothing I can prove at this point, and believe you me, if I could this whole fucked up relationship would be over.

As it stands right now, we are trying to stay together for the kids, and again being honest with myself here, I don't want to admit to failure.  I love Lindsey, but there is something within her that cannot be satisfied.  She is so hungry for affection, for attention, that sometimes I don't think there are enough people in the world to satisfy her.  I am not so blind as to not see her bi-curious nature, and although there is nothing wrong with loving both genders, it does leave me feeling like I am inadequate as a partner and person.  It would even be ok if she admitted that she was attracted to both genders, as long as she could remain faithful to me, but I'm not sure that it is within her personality.  She has pined for Brian for as long as I can remember and I am 100% sure if he up and said, "Hey I'll fuck you" she would be all over him.  And that ladies and gentlemen is why Brian and I are always at odds with each other.

Not that he would ever say that, but she already obsesses over Brian with us at each other's throats half the time.  I would hate to see the level of worshipping should would do if Brian and I had some sort of normal relationship.

Anyway, I am reaching a point where I can no longer ignore the tension between us.  Yesterday, she even started screaming at JR and Gus for no reason.  I can't have my kids scared and crying just because she can't control whatever demons are pulling her strings. 

Sometimes I feel as if I am so alone in all of this.  And I hate that.  I am not supposed to be this weak thing. And yet, here I am cowering down under the pressure of being the sane one in our....well, whatever this is that we have.  At first leaving Pittsburgh was a good thing, we had each other.  Now, it was the worst possible thing for me to have done.  I no longer have a support system, and the weight of that decision makes me feel like Atlas holding up the world on my shoulders.

~Lindsey

I have been sitting in my car outside our house for about 20 minutes now and I can't believe what I have heard.  Debbie had called me to ask about JR and Gus.  She just happened to let it slip that Justin was back home in the hospital and that Brian was there with him.  From what I understand, no one has been able to really pin down what's going on with Brian either.  Debbie thinks that they are working their problems out.  She also said that he has been so protective that no one really knows what is going on or where they would be going once Justin was discharged.

The fact that Justin is willing to get back with Brian and throw away his entire career makes me furious.  I mean, I would absolutely kill to have his talent, but he is wasting it.  Plus when Justin is around, Brian seems to let his world revolve around him.  Ok, ok...so I am exaggerating.  It just honestly drives me crazy.  I love Brian, and it kills me to see him so untrue to himself.

To top it all off, Melanie and I are on the rocks again.  About eight months ago we had a big fight.  It was over something so stupid.  Mel said that we would have to cut back our spending again, that we were starting to dip back into the red.  I only mentioned that maybe we could ask Brian for a small loan, and that sent her through the roof.  She kept going on and on about how we should be able to take care of ourselves.  That we were a family, just like any other heterosexual couple that had two kids, and we should be able to make our bills without needing his help.

I know Brian doesn't mind paying for Gus' things, but Melanie really doesn't like it when he pays for more than that.  I still don't understand why.  I mean it's not like he can't afford it.  Anyway, after that fight we just stopped talking to each other.  Then we started sleeping in separate rooms, and before long we were living separate lives. 

Five months ago, I met Liam Murphy.  We started out as good friends. He had emigrated from Ireland 10 years ago and he just understood me.  It took about a month, but we started sleeping together.  I know that Melanie suspects something, but what the hell does she expect me to do?  Live celibate?  I mean, she doesn't even talk to me anymore, and I just felt so lonely.  So, Liam and I get together every now and then.

It's not all roses and rainbows with him though.  He knows about Mel, and he is constantly asking when I am going to leave her.  On top of that he is threatening to leave me.  I have just been so upset about all of it and then hearing that Brian and Justin were getting together, well I kind of just lost it for a second or two.

Gus had been whining all day about not wanting to go to summer camp this year.  He instead wanted to go and see his dad and his Grandma Deb.  JR is in that clingy stage, and while she clings to Mel more than me, that day she wouldn't stop pulling at me and calling my name every three seconds.  I can't even remember what I said, but whatever it was, Mel was furious.  All I could remember thinking is about how much I just wanted away from it all.

I finally got out of the car and went way inside.  I made my way to the kitchen to look for the bottle of red I had put back.  Mel has been on this kick about throwing out all of my wine lately and so I have taken to stashing some in different places.  I poured a glass and took a long sip.  I have been needing that all day.  I hate my job at the daycare, but I need the paycheck.

"Lindsey," Oh God, it's Mel.  Just her voice is enough to drive me crazy.  I turn around to see her standing with her hands on her hips and JR holding on to her leg, "where have you been?!"  Now I can't just tell her that I have been getting my brains fucked out by the Irishman that I have been seeing, can I?  So, I just roll my eyes "Out Mel.  I have been out."  Away from you, you crazy bitch.

"Lindsey, you were supposed to have driven Gus to soccer practice remember?  I had JR's dance classes today."  Jeezus, not a moment's peace.

"It's not like him missing one practice is the end of the world Mel."  I can tell by the look on her face that my answer is not good enough.  Well, what's new?  Nothing is ever good enough for her.  "Look, I am not going to spend the rest of my evening fighting with you, so just leave me the fuck alone."  I turn to brush by her and she grabs my arm. "What are you drinking?"

"I'm just having a little wine after work. What are you now, the wine Nazi?" She flinched as if I had struck her.  Shit, ok so I said that without thinking.  Oh well, it's not as if she hasn't said worse to me.  "I'm going to bed Mel, I'm tired."

"You should be after all that fucking around you are doing on the side."  I looked at her for a second, "Whatever, I'm going to bed."  Before I left however, I went back to the kitchen and grabbed the rest of the wine that was left.  As I got close enough to pass her, I looked her in the eye and drank straight from the bottle.  Petty I know, but who the fuck cares.

As, I sat down on my bed, I pulled out my cell and dialed the one person who thought that Brian and Justin should not be together as much as I did (even if it was for a different reason). 

"Hey Michael, so Brian and Justin...."

~Molly

Justin just left a few moments ago and I have mixed feelings about this whole thing.  As hard as it is to admit this, they both share equal fault in what has happened.  Brian for thinking that he knew what was best for my brother, and my brother for letting him get away with it to begin with. 

The only difference is, I have a loyalty to my brother that I don't have with Brian.  Justin is my flesh and blood and I would forgive him anything.  Brian will probably have to work for his, but making sure Justin stays happy is a really good start.

Mom has finally calmed down now that Justin is going home, although there is still a rigidness to her posture that has more to do with Brian's presence than worry over Justin's actual physical wellbeing.  I really don't know what to say to assure her that everything will be fine other than just to keep saying it over and over again.  Thankfully Tucker will be back tomorrow.  He seems to mellow her out and will keep her from obsessing over it all too much.  Of course that is if he can keep her from talking to Debbie for a little while.

I like Debbie, don't get me wrong, but she has a big mouth that loves big drama.  And Auntie Em has told me before that he thinks that is what would probably make her a wonderful gay man.  Just thinking about that makes me giggle.  Of course that would draw Michael's attention.  Lord how I dislike that man.

"What are you giggling about Blondie?"  His nasal whine and sarcastic voice make me want to vomit.  "Nothing that concerns you Weasel."  He rolled his eyes.  We had been swapping snipes in the form of nicknames since he first came to the hospital.  "Well, anyway your brother has done it again."  Uh oh, here comes the whiney tirade I have heard more than once in the last 12 hours.  "He has once again reduced Brian's brain to that of marshmallow.  Why couldn't he have just stayed in New York?"  Shit, I know that I am going to lose it even before the words even come out of my mouth, "Look, you little piss ant, my brother has done nothing to your ‘best friend' that he didn't want done.  If you weren't always wanting to be 4 feet up his ass you would know that. You would also want Brian to be happy; and my brother makes him happy."

I could tell that he wanted to do something stupid like stomp his foot, but finally he just looked at me and said, "I know Brian better than anybody and I know exactly what he wants."  And with that he turned and walked off.  So much for hoping that Brian telling him off had any effect.  Oh yes, I knew about that.  I knew about it practically right after it happened, because loud mouth Novotney (the son, not the mother) had informed nearly the entire hospital in all his ranting afterwards.

Even if I was still a little mad a Brian, I really wanted to go and give him a huge hug and a high five right then.  In any event, Justin and Brian have left and are currently making their way to somewhere quiet to sort out all of the misunderstandings that plagued their relationship.  And at the end of the day, if Brian can make my brother happy, then I will stand behind them in whatever they decide to do.

~Brian

Watching him sleep in the seat next to me is an experience I have often taken for granted.  Now though my eyes worship the angular lines of his face and sorrow over the shadows that still linger under his eyes.  He is still a little on the slender side, but so help me, I will make sure that he gets back to a better weight and as soon as possible.  Thankfully, the decorators did install a state of the art in-home gym.  I hope that he likes the way the house has been done. If he doesn't he can change the whole damn thing, I don't care.  As long as I have him with me, he can do whatever he wants to it.

I missed him.  I have missed him so bad that I can't begin to even describe it.  And it's not even all physical.  I missed his laugh and his intelligence, the way that he just got my wit and parried back with his own.  It has been hell without him and even though I am the one that broke it off to begin with, I am coming to understand that he will be the only one that I will ever long to be with in that way.

We are almost to the house when I feel his gaze on me. "Hey," my voice is softer than it usually is and I have to wonder at what he has accomplished in giving me the ability to love and to be loved.  "Hey Bri." His blue eyes shining from under his long lashes.  "We are almost home."  He smiled at me again and whispered "home." 

The lights from the big Tudor mansion stood out in darkness.  As I parked the car and helped him out, I felt this feeling.  I'm not sure I can even describe it.  It is like standing close to the edge of a cliff and wanting to fall off.  Knowing all the while that even though you will have a moment of sheer unadulterated panic, there will also be the safety and peace of a parachute to lower you to the ground. 

I unlocked the door with the spare key I had dug from my pocket, and once over the threshold turned to Justin.  "I'm not going to carry you over the threshold or anything, that just wouldn't be us, but here," I grabbed his hand palm up, placed the key in it, and closed his fingers around it, "this key is yours, and this house is ours."  With that I kissed his fingers, still closed around the key, and pulled him into the house.

~Justin

Brian can say that he is not romantic, but that is a load of bullshit.  I know better and this just proves it.  I take a look around my-no our new home.  The entry way looks less cold and more inviting than the last time I was here.  There are flowers on a side table that I was surprised to see and a painting I had completed my first week in New York was hanging just above it.

I walked further into the house and realized that the staircase seemed to be larger and go on longer than ever before.  Brian must have realized the same thing about the same time I did because he looked at me and said "There is a completed bedroom on this floor that we can use for tonight."  I smiled gratefully at him.  He held his hand out, "Come on Sunshine, let's get you something to eat before we call it a night."

As we walked to the kitchen, I couldn't help but glance to the door on my left. "No one has been in it except to clean it.  We can decorate that one ourselves."  I nodded at him with a small smile.  We reached the kitchen and I took a seat at one of the stools that had been placed at the island.  I watched as he dug around in the refrigerator and came back with what looked to be some kind of croissant and a container of soup.  "It's this soup that Gwen makes.  It's her recipe." 

Brian had told me about her.  To say that I was intrigued by her would be putting it mildly.  Someone that could put with his shit (other than Cyn, and I think she has secret balls of steel) had to be strong willed.  That in itself made me want to at least meet her, but the way that Brian had said some things made me believe that she had a story, and that made me want to get to know her.

The soup had finished heating and we were both eating quietly when I decided to bring up the elephant in the room.  "Brian, I want you.  I want you so bad that it is all I can think about."  He looked at me for a second "I feel there is a but in there somewhere." His tone was slightly amused, but his eyes were patient. "but," I continued "but, I am so tired that I don't think we will accomplish much."  And then because I myself needed the physical connection just as bad, "Although, I think a blow job might not be out of the question."  His smile told me everything.

After we had finished eating he grabbed my hand and led me to the first floor bedroom he had mentioned earlier.  Once inside he kissed me softly before asking, "Justin, I need to know.  Are you sure?"  I gave him the only answer that mattered, "Always, with you, always." 

With that he lifted my shirt over my head with swift hands.  Those same hands tossed my shirt aside and started tracing the indentions where my ribs were.  I looked down slightly self-conscious "we have already discussed this Brian, stop blaming yourself.  This is something I have done, not you."  With a brief nod his hands continued downward until they reached the waist band of the scrubs they had given me to wear home.

His fingers played along the waistband while his tongue played with my mouth.  He lowered my bottoms until they reached the floor where I stepped out of them.  My hands came up and removed his shirt and once I had disposed of it they roamed over his chest, feathering lightly over his nipples. 

His groan of appreciation did not go unnoticed, so I continued my ministrations while his lips moved over my jaw and down to my neck.  There he found the one place that never failed to turn me into a writhing pile of mush.  When he heard me moan, I felt him smirk a little, but by that time I really didn't give a shit.

My hands became more frantic and the litany of get him naked get him naked get him naked ran through my mind over and over again.  Once we were both devoid of our clothes we pulled back far enough to look at each other.  He reached out and brushed his hand down the side of my face and kissed me softly on my forehead.  It was a kiss of love, it spoke of I will keep you safe. It filled that void that had been there so long and settled a peace in me that had been missing.

He turned me around and slowly back walked until his knees hit the bed and then he turned us around again.  His mouth and tongue returned to mine and he pushed me backward cradling my head so that I would land softly on the bed.  Once I was laid out he crawled over me and kissed me again and then started making his way slowly to his ultimate destination.

My cock was throbbing before he even made it to my navel and as his thigh traveled over the head my precum left a trail that glistened in the low lamplight.  My breathing quickened as he reached down to play with my balls just before he slid a finger over my entrance.  We both moaned at the same time and gooseflesh broke out along my arms and legs.

"Fuck Brian, it's been so long."  His hand came up closer to my cock and his tongue laved at the inside of my thigh.  "Patience, Sunshine."  He continued his assault until his mouth moved to the top of my cockhead "I want to taste you." And with that he took me in his mouth all the way to the root.  I let out a loud scream. 

With his hands massaging my balls and his mouth sliding up and down my cock it was only a matter of minutes before I came in a huge gush down his throat with a loud shout. He continued to softly stroke my shaft until I came down from my orgasm. 

Once I was coherent again he kissed me and I could taste the musk of myself along with what I have always associated as the taste of Brian.  When he moved to lay down I reached over for him "Brian I want to touch you: I need to touch you."  He looked at me seriously for a second and I let him see how much I needed that connection.  He nodded and I moved to take him in my mouth.

It didn't take long for him to reach orgasm and I once again got to savor the taste that I had been craving for over five years.  I moved back so that I could lay my head on his chest while his breathing slowed.  His arms came around me and held me tightly against him.  I felt a feather like kiss on the top of my head and then his hold loosened.  When I look back up at him, he looked content in a way I hadn't seen him before.

"I love you Justin."  Even though I have always known that, those words never cease to floor me.  "I love you too Brian."  I laid my head back down onto his chest while his fingers ran through my hair and across my scalp.  I fell asleep thinking that this was what I had been missing.