~Justin

It's nearly noon and while I feel some better, I can tell my body still has a way to go.  I carefully sit up bringing my feet to the floor and push down on the mattress to get enough leverage to hoist myself from the bed.  I can tell by the noise coming from the day room, that Brian must have been up for a while, that and the fact that his distinct "Brian" smell is not near as strong as it had been. 

I notice that he has left a pair of sweatpants and one of his long-sleeved t-shirts for me on the chaise at the end of the bed.  Silently thanking him, I move to start the process of dressing myself.  I still feel a slight chill, so the more clothing the better.  Not to mention, I am still a little ashamed of the way I look right now.

I am not normally a vain person, but there is a feeling of disgust with myself for letting myself get to the point I look like some third world malnourished child.  I know that Brian doesn't care about the way I look right now, or as so in far as how it relates to me outside of my health.  I mean last night proved that much, but there is still a feeling of shame and disgust that I can't rightly put finger on that seems to be prevalent in my mind.  Mentally shrugging my shoulders, I go to the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth.

After I had finished my "morning" routine, I opened the door in search of Brian.  He was sitting on a chair in the day room looking at an open laptop.  He hadn't noticed me yet and so I continued to watch him.  His long elegant fingers gliding over the keys producing a slight shudder through me.  Brian is a beautiful man, that has never been in question.  Some would say it is his chiseled facial features, some would say it is his hazel eyes, some would even say that his most attractive feature is his nine-and-a-half-inch cock.  I happen to think it is hands.  Those elegant fingers that are so skilled, they can be opening a pop tab on a soda and be the sexiest thing I have ever been witness to.  They are also attached to hands that are so strong they literally hold me up when my knees become to weak to stand. 

Something must have alerted him to the fact that he was being watched because he lifted his head and looked straight at me with a slight smirk on his face.  Damn, he caught me.  I love looking at him when he doesn't know.  It is almost always how I sketch him.  It's him unprotected by all the masks, the vulnerability on display.  A secret side that only I get the privilege of knowing.  It used to piss him the hell off when we were first together, knowing that I was peeking into one of his most protected moments.  After a while, when he realized I would never exploit those rare moments, he started to let his masks slip and just be.  It made me wonder if before me, when there was no one in the loft, if he was the real Brian, or if he had even managed to fool himself about who he really was.

"Hey." My voice was still a little husky from disuse, not to mention the all the damn oxygen they had me on in the hospital.

"Hey Jus."  His smirk had softened into the smile that I knew was solely reserved for me.  "I was wondering when you would start moving around today.  Come here, I would like you to look over something for me." 

As I walked over to him, he moved the laptop over, indicating I should sit in his lap.  I carefully lowered myself into his lap and his arms came around me.  For just a minute, I sat there.  With my eyes closed, I drank in the smell of him, the feel of his arms, the sound of his heart.  The knowledge heavy in my own that I had almost forgotten what it was like to be like this with him.  To know him in ways that no other ever would.  He tucked my head up under his chin and held me that way for a while.  After a few minutes he nudged the top of my head with his cheek. "I wanted you to look at the grocery list that I am putting together.  If you need anything else let me know.  I had Ted hire a housekeeper and cook.  They are coming today to start working at the house."  I'm actually glad that he had thought of this, because let's face it, Brian can't cook for shit and I am not really feeling up to it.  Not to mention keeping this house clean to his almost obsessive standards is near impossible.  I know Maria, his cleaning lady at the loft, always managed, but I'm no cleaning lady. 

I looked over the list and he had most of the things he knew I would eat, some things that I would never touch and others that I figured he knew I should be eating.  "Looks like there is plenty on there.  More than enough really."  His mouth drew a little tight with worry at my tone.  "Brian, I promise I will eat, and even eat some of the disgusting shit that is supposed to be good for me.  But you have to let me start small."  A small nod let me know that while he gets the rationale behind my words, he's not real enthused about it.

"Ok Sunshine, I'm going to go with what you say for now, but if I see you struggling with it, I am stepping in."  A part of me is enjoying his attentiveness, while another part, the part that is still a little bit bitter is wondering where he was when I needed it before now.  He must have seen something in my expression or felt something in my body language because he kissed my head.  "I'm sorry Justin.  I know that in no way changes what happened, I just wanted you to know that it is something I truly regret."  A harsh laugh from him and then, "yeah...apparently I do regrets and also apologies as well."

I turn in his arms and thread my fingers through the hair at his nape.  "Brian, we will work through this.  I want to be with you, and you want to be with me.  That's all that really matters right now."  I watch as his lips roll into his mouth.  I love when he does that.  It makes him look so cute...not that I would ever tell him that.  I lean forward to kiss him.  At the first touch of my lips upon his, I feel his mouth open and his warm breath fan onto my face.  It is only a mere second before he is pulling my face to his and kissing me the way I have wanted everyday since I left.  His tongue is tracing along the sides of mine and I can hear him groaning in the back of his throat.  I pull back slightly to find his lust-blown eyes gazing back at me.  His hands that I was obsessing over earlier have slipped between the waist band of my sweats and he is palming my ass in a way that has my cock standing up and at attention.  The little pants coming from my mouth have nothing to do with oxygen deprivation and more to do with the fact that I want nothing more than for him to throw me down and fuck me so hard that I won't even remember my own name.

I move my legs to straddle him as he runs one of his fingers up and down the top of the crack of my ass.  I know that this is about to be fierce.  I know that I need it and I know that there is some part of his mind that is already trying to put the brakes on. Fuck that.  I brace my arms on his thighs long enough to look into his face.  "Brian, don't you even think that you are going to stop.  I'm not glass, I'm not going to break.  So fuck me already."  He must have been waiting for some sign because he made this sound, almost like he was in agony and thrust his tongue back into my mouth.  When he started moving his mouth to my neck, nipping at it with his teeth I almost came right then.  This is what I needed.  To be taken, claimed, possessed by Brian Kinney. 

My hands had taken on a life of their own and were trying to tear his shirt off of him.  Once it was gone, my mouth ran along his right nipple until he grabbed my head in both of his hands and once again thrust his tongue back into my mouth.  While he was busy trying to steal every breath from my body my hands got back to divesting us of our remaining clothing.  I managed to glance down to see both of our cocks rubbing together.  He must have noticed as well because just as I was about to reach for him he stood up with me still in his arms.  Instinctively I wrapped my legs around his waist and crossed my ankles behind the small of his back.  My first thought was that there wasn't a beam to fuck me against here in the house, but just as that ran across my mind my back hit the wall next to the hallway table.  I heard him rummaging around and realized that he must have had a stash of condoms and lube there.  He looked at me then with a question in his eyes and in testament to our continued understanding of each other, I knew what he was asking me.  "No, I haven't bottomed for anyone since the last time with you."  His eyes lost some of the wild look and he hesitated right before he leaned down and kissed me softly. 

For a moment I had a keen sense of déjà vu and then it was gone.  I felt him lubing up my entrance right before one of his lean fingers slid into me and then another.  Scissoring them back and forth he prepped me all the while the soft look remained in his eyes.  When I felt the third move to join the other two, I knew I was ready.  "Brian, please..."  He nodded to me and slowly lowered me onto his length.  And oh god...I knew in that moment that I would never give up on us ever again.  I felt like I had come home.  He thrust into me slowly until he could see that I was still with the program.  I wound my arms behind his neck, pushed myself up on my arms and slammed back down onto him.  It was all the encouragement that he needed as he started to pound into me relentlessly.  "Brian.... please don't stop...don't ever stop..."  I was not above begging at this point.  "Oh god never Sunshine..." His breathing becoming more and more labored I knew he wasn't far from coming and I was not far from it myself.  "Come Justin...come on."  It was almost like my body was waiting for it.  "Yesssss...." my orgasm was torn from me just as his cock pulsed inside of my body.

Panting in the aftermath of one of the best orgasms I had ever had, I leaned back against the wall with my legs still locked around his waist and just looked at him.  His eyes were still closed, and his face was alight with blissful peace.  I pushed his sweaty locks off of his forehead and leaned in to kiss his closed eyelids.  He slowly lowered me so that my feet were touching the floor.  He opened his eyes and lifted his hand to run the back of his hand down my cheek.  I leaned into him relishing the softness of his touch for a moment.  He eventually stepped back to discard the condom in the trashcan beside the hallway table.  "Come Sunshine, lets go take a shower and fix a little something for lunch."  His smile was brighter than I could ever remember.  And they call me Sunshine.  I returned it with the same wattage as he grabbed my hand and led me to the shower.

~Lindsey-Toronto

Michael has been a wealth of information the last couple of days.  His contempt for Justin has not allowed his mouth to shut for any length of time.  And that's all the better for me.  At least I know what is going on.  Well, as much as anyone else knows anyway.  Nobody knows where Brian and Justin ran off to.  Not that those that might know would say anything.  Since Brian had hired the Crystal Queen Ted, you couldn't pry anything from him with a fucking crowbar.  It seems that the Brian and Justin had their own damn cheering section now.  I had called Deb to see if she knew anything and the bitch had done nothing but ask about how JR was.  Like I fucking knew.  The little brat had more or less taken up with Mel.  Which is alright by me, I hate feeling tied down and the kids are starting to do that to me.  I mean, I love Gus.  He is so much like his father and I know that Brian loves him.  But somedays, I wish it was just me. 

Liam thinks that it is my inner artist trying to get out.  Sam said the same thing.  That I used my mother persona like a shield so that I didn't have to face the fear of creating the art that was inside of me.  They may be right. 

Michael wants Justin gone so bad that he has started plans of getting rid of him again.  Or in his words "remove the little blonde fucker from Brian's life for good."  Not going to lie, he sounds almost demented, but if it accomplishes me getting my Brian back, well I'm not going to stop him.

Brian has been my rock from day one.  When we met in college and we had our little fling, I never imagined that he would be who I would want to be with the rest of my life.  When he said that it was over and that he was truly gay, all I knew was that I had to have him in my life.  So, I said I was gay too.  I mean don't get me wrong, I can go for a woman as much as I can a man, but Brian is what I really want.  I don't think it is even about gender as much as it is just about him. 

I knew that I could still have him in some fashion if I stayed as his friend.  And once I convinced him to give me a child, I knew that it would be an unbreakable bond for us.  Something that would bind us even if he was fucking everything that wasn't female.  And then came Justin.

He's so fucking perfect.  His angelic face, his brilliant mind and his incredible talent was everything that I wanted and everything Brian was bound to be drawn to.  It's a pity really, Brian is cock-whipped by someone that I could have been.  And although Justin is perfect for him (and god how it pisses me off to admit that), I don't want them together. 

Justin tends to take over Brian's whole world when they are together.  Brian and my friendship takes a backseat.  And yes, it's petty, but fuck it.  I would rather be miserable with him, than to be happy without him.  So, I guess you could say the big green elephant in the room is the fact that Justin has everything, is everything that I want to have or be.  So, if something were to break up their reunion, I would be most grateful. 

I however, have learned that discretion is a virtue and so I am trying to remain out of the spotlight.  All I have to really do is ditch the bitch.  Mel and her nagging have gotten to the point where I can't stand to be in the same room much less the same house as her.  Liam finally said that he would let me move in with him if I would just leave Melanie.  So, I loaded the last of my clothes in the car and have started the drive to be with Liam.  Fuck Melanie.... Fuck them all.  I will have what I want in the end.  Now where did I put that wine bottle?

~Ben

I know something is up.  I wish that I could say that it surprised me, but it doesn't.  I just got back into town a couple of hours ago, but I have already been briefed that the family's recent drama has once again centered around one of it's most epic members.  Michael had almost been foaming at the mouth relating to me about the hospital and how Brian had threatened him.

Personally, it is getting a little old.  I used to think that Brian was the one that encouraged this childish behavior in my husband, but over the years, it has grown more apparent that Michael is his own worst enemy.  I'm sick of it.  The only relationship that Michael should worry about is ours, but that is only wishful thinking.  For years, I have put up with his ridiculous pining for something that would never be.  Many would wonder what the hell am I still putting up with it for. All I can say is that I love him.  But sometimes I don't think that it's ever going to be enough.

What has gotten Michael in a snit is not only that the "star" couple is back together, but that he can't seem to find where they have gone to.

"Michael, they needed to get away.  I don't understand why it's such a big deal."  His eyes about popped out of his head..." not a big deal, NOT A BIG DEAL, that little shit is going to weasel his way back again, and then Brian will be back to that sappy imposter that he was right before boy wonder left him."  I noticed that not once did he refer to Justin by his real name.  And I almost wanted to point out that he was accusing Justin of doing what Molly's nick name for Michael was...weasel.  Yes, I know all about that too, because it was half of the three-hour rant as I was unpacking from my trip.

"Michael, enough! I have heard nothing but this shit since I got home." I could tell I would have a migraine before the night was over, but I plunged ahead anyway. "Now, I don't want to hear another word about it.  You need to start worrying over OUR relationship, because I am so close to saying fuck it. I love you, but I am not going to keep getting sucked into all the drama."  I looked at him and noticed that his body posture hadn't changed.  His arms were still crossed, and his eyebrows were still pulled together.  Well, at least his mouth isn't still running.  "Now, I am going to take a shower and lay down, if you want to join me you are welcome, but not another word about Justin or Brian."  I could tell he wanted to say more, but he just nodded once, and I turned to go up the stairs.

~Brian

God that was one of our best fucks to date.  I have been worried that he wouldn't be ready for that level of intensity yet, but he surprised me.  After our shower we ate a light lunch and we are currently lying on the couch with his back to my front watching an old rerun of Will and Grace.  It's a little guilty pleasure I had picked up in Chicago and he seemed to enjoy just spending time together, so we turned on a couple of episodes.

I finally feel a sense of peace.  We are here in our house, in a house that I bought for us to live without the constant pressures of the family and being here I feel a safety that I have only felt with him.  Safety is something that for a while I only associated with wealth, success, and autonomy.  And then a little blonde fireball smashed into my world and re-wrote the whole fucking script.  And for a while I was so fucking resistant to the change that I begrudged him that same safety that I held onto for dear life.  I cheated him out of what he should have been able to expect from me the day that it became obvious he was not a one-time trick. 

After he got hurt, I knew what he was looking for.  But I was broken open and my sense of safety was gone.  I sure as hell couldn't provide him something that I couldn't even give myself.  I don't know how in the hell we ever got through that part of our lives intact as we did.   I wasn't lying when I said that I wouldn't give him what he wanted.  He thought it was the words, but I knew it was deeper than that and there was no way in hell I could have predicted that it would backfire so completely on me.

When he left, it flipped my world again as it did every fucking time he would leave me.  That's one thing that we can't do to each other ever again.  I won't survive another separation and as for Justin, he barely survived this one.  It is a talk that we will have to have at some point.  But right now, I am content just to breathe in his scent and hold his warm body against my own.

I looked at my watch and found that it had already started to get a little late and I needed to get him upstairs tonight. So, with a little nudge, I got him to sit up. "Hey, let's try to go upstairs tonight."  He gave me a tired smile and a nod, and we made the trek up the stairs.

As he laid down on the bed he asked "Brian, will you hold me tonight?" Like I'm about to deny him that.  "Come here," he slid closer to my side and I pulled him the rest of the way.  "I love you Justin."  I held him tightly to me for a minute and heard him whisper back to me, "I love you too, Brian."  He fell asleep not long after that.  I laid awake for a while just watching him, running my hands over the contours of his face.  It's something that I used to do all the time and realized that I never wanted to take it for granted again.