CHAPTER 43: BABY MINE- FOREVER YOUNG Part 2

BABY MINE from the movie Dumbo (sung by Bette Midler)

Baby mine, don't you cry/ Baby mine, dry your eyes/ Rest your head close to my heart/ Never to part, baby of mine/ Little one when you play/ Don't you mind what you say/ Let those eyes sparkle and shine/ Never a tear, baby of mine/ From your head to your toes/ You're so sweet goodness knows/ You are so precious to me/ Cute as can be, baby of mine

BRIAN

I’ve never been the type to dream big, unless I’ve had every reason to do so. But now standing here, holding Justin while looking down on these children, I can’t seem to help myself. I’m trying to keep him calm, and keep what all of this could mean in perspective. But I could almost swear the little bundle, swaddled in pink, is smirking at me. What does she know that I don’t? I can’t help but think that as she seems to be looking right at me.

The little boy has given up trying to chew through his sleeve, and has opted for sleep instead. He kind of reminds me of Justin, either after a good meal, or mind-blowing sex. It’s almost funny how I’m already attributing our traits to babies we aren’t even sure are ours yet. But is that really an accurate thought, at this point? The bottom line is that even if they aren’t biologically ours, they will be.

I know Justin. Once he takes an idea into his head, there will be no way he will let them go, regardless of who their parents are. But where does that leave us? With Kinnetik getting busy, and his career and education plans finally coming into fruition, how will we manage it all plus still be effective parents to two kids in addition to Gus? It seems an almost impossible task, and yet… yet, I want it.

I can admit it, even if I won’t give voice to it just now.

“Taryn is awake if you want to see her,” Dr. Farrow tells us, as he returns to our sides at the nursery. “We should have the results momentarily.”

“You go ahead, Sunshine. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” I tell him, as he begins to pull out of my embrace.

He nods, but asks, “What will you be doing?”

“I have a phone call to make, that’s all.”

Emmett comes over to us, throwing his arms around Sunshine. “Come on, almost-Papa, and let’s go see our other girl. I’m almost sure that seeing you will instantly calm her, the way it always does with Big Bad here.”

He smiles at Em’s new name for him, and I can’t help but smile, too. Emmett knows Justin almost as well as I do. He begins to move off with Emmett, but then turns back to me and presses his lips to mine briefly. “Don’t be long,” he whispers.

“I won’t,” I whisper back, and watch as they move down the hall. Taking a deep breath, I pull out my cell phone, before I register that I am not alone in the corridor where the nursery is.

“Okay, so now that he’s gone, tell me who you’re calling, Brian,” Jennifer orders me.

I feel the guilty flush creep up my face, but I know I have to be honest with her. Jennifer Alwin would expect no less from me. “I have to call her, Jenn. If there is even a remote possibility that Lindsay actually did the honorable thing and used Michael’s sperm, she has a right to know her grandchildren. There’s no question that she’s about to lose her son to prison for a time.”

“I can understand that,” she says, nodding before she frowns a little. “But don’t you think it would do more damage to her if she were to get her hopes up about ‘grandchildren’ only to find out that they aren’t hers?”

“I don’t know. But at the same time, since Deb doesn’t automatically believe anything she’s told from anyone unless it’s Michael, having her here may stave off future problems. If these babies come back as mine and Justin’s, she’ll have no choice but to finally accept what we’ve all told her about Michael and Lindsay’s bullshit thus far.”

“Okay, I could get behind your reasoning. But are you prepared for another episode of Debbie Knows Best? You know she will take your invitation as more than what you mean it to be at this moment. And more than that, how do you think Justin is going to react?”

Honestly, I hadn’t thought about that; only the fairness of it all. Once again, Michael and Lindsay do some shit that the rest of us step in unwittingly, while they are nowhere to be found when it’s time to clean it up. “I don’t know how he’ll react, only that I would hope he’d be reasonable and curb his impulse to fly off the handle at her.”

“But can you?” she asks me, rhetorically and leaves me to answer that question on my own.

I can’t help but think back to that day, not so long ago at the loft, where she literally berated us for holding Michael accountable for his malicious actions against us. The fact that she basically told me my only value was in being able to be Michael’s glorified babysitter hurt worse than any of the physical abuse inflicted on me by Jack and Joan. At least, they were honest in the fact that they hated me, and all I represented to them: their failures, their less than stellar relationship, the fact that neither of them were prepared for the consequences of the emotional neglect they inflicted on each other. But Deb... for her to tell me that my only importance to her life was for me to be a father-figure, and a pseudo-husband to Michael, when I worked my ass off for everything I have achieved so far in this life, was just plain soul-destroying in ways she couldn’t have imagined.

But then again, maybe she could have, since it was obvious that she had been storing up every insult she could think of for whatever supposed slights and infractions I've committed in the world according to the Novotnys, simply because I stopped putting Michael before myself. But the thing that makes this so hard is that, as long as I was doing what she wanted me to do, I was a good son to her- even better than the one she birthed. So, do I now go against that, and if so, can I still live with myself afterwards?

“Call her,” I hear from the voice of the man, standing beside me. I don’t even know when he came back down here. I turn to find Justin regarding steadily, his blue eyes as serious as I’ve ever seen them. “You can’t stop being who you are- who you’ve always been- just because of people’s dashed hopes and expectations. That’s not the man I’ve fallen more in love with everyday since I’ve met you.”

“Even when you were pissed at me?”

He chuckles, lightly. “Especially when I was pissed with you, and then I’d get angry all over again because I couldn’t stop.”

“You make me sound like an addiction,” I tell him, smirking.

“It’s because you are, and you’re all mine in that respect, just as I’m yours.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?”

“Because even now, you want to get me alone and do all the bad things to me that I want you to…” he kisses me, before pulling back quickly. “...but first, we have to finish this as much as we can for now.”

“And later?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we cum to it," he quips, before he grows serious again. "But in the meantime, call Ms. Novotny. At least, she should hear all of the information firsthand the way we will. Unlike her, her offspring, and the harridan from Hell, we play fair. It’s what separates us from them.”

With one more extended kiss, I do what he says, and dial Deb’s number. When she answers, she sounds a bit subdued. “Hello.”

“Hey Deb, it’s Brian. I just wanted you to know that we’re at the hospital…”

“Oh my God, are you alright? Is Sunshine alright?”

“We’re fine, Deb. But the babies have arrived, and we’re waiting for the DNA results. We both thought, in fairness to you, we would call and give you the option to hear them for yourself.”

“That’s wonderful news! I’m a grandma!”

I sigh. “Based on the DNA test, you might be. As for everything else…”

“Well what else is there, Brian?!” she screeches in my ear, causing me to pull the phone away.

I take a calming breath. “There’s a host of ways to answer that question, but for now, this is just to confirm if the children belong to Justin and me, or if they are Michael and Lindsay’s. If they are the latter, you have some decisions to make.” I can only hope that she hears everything else that I’m not saying. Her being here for this changes nothing else; I don’t know if it ever will.

“I’m on my way,” she says, back to her subdued voice. “Brian for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. To both you and Sunshine, I...”

I cut her off, not wanting to get into this with her right now. “We know that, Deb, but the question is do you understand why you are or even why you should be? We’ll see you later.” I hang up, breathing deeply while Justin comforts me, and allows me to get a hold of my emotions.

“Well, pass or fail, Debbie is coming, Brian. And that’s how it should be,” he says simply. And like for most of our relationship, I know he’s right.

DEB

I know that I have a lot to make up for with those boys, and that it won’t be easy. After speaking with Carl, I understand the damage Michael has done, and even at this moment, is still trying to do. I’ll admit that even with seeing all the evidence of his fuckery, it was still hard to believe that the boy I raised could do so much damage; mentally, emotionally, and financially. It’s so tempting to go down to the jailhouse and request five minutes in the cell with him to personally clobber him! But I know it wouldn’t solve anything.

If nothing else, Michael is both persistent and stubborn. And based upon my own actions of late, he’s gotten those traits honestly, if DNA is to be believed. I don’t know how to even begin to fix things with Brian and Justin. But at least they called me to come down to the hospital, so maybe it’s a start? I can only hope so.

I can’t help thinking of the implications regarding Brian’s statement; about me having some decisions to make. Quite obviously if they are Michael’s children, I’ll take care of them. But then realistically, how am I going to do that? I mean, it’s not like I have a job which allows me to take days off. And even if I could, I’m still paying a fortune just for Michael’s defense attorney.

I should have let him have a legal aid lawyer, but then that would have been like me admitting his guilt for him. Everyone knows that legal aid is geared towards how much time you get, as opposed to proving your innocence. But Galviston Edwards seems to know what he’s doing. And yet, how is he going to defend the indefensible? I could have believed that all of Michael’s bad decisions were all Lindsay and Brian’s fault, except that this mess wasn’t just about Brian...

This was all about Justin Taylor.

I think the thing that most drove the point home for me, was seeing the credit card with Justin’s name on it. I asked around about Black AmEx cards while I was at the Diner, and Carl’s crew was collecting evidence to use against my son. Although Brian was the main breadwinner between them, Justin’s own business had apparently been taking off. I didn’t even know he had a business outside of Rage! But strangely, knowing him as I do, I don’t understand why I was so shocked to learn of it.

Justin Taylor has always been a resourceful young man, who had almost no problem working all the hours God sent, just to make sure Brian had what he needed… even if Brian didn’t know it. It’s that difference in character, which puts Michael’s perfidy into a different perspective for me. My son was the worse kind of moocher, while Justin was a workaholic. It’s no wonder Brian always gravitated towards Justin- like recognizes like, after all.

An hour after the phone call, I arrive at the hospital and make my way up to the maternity ward. I watch silently as Brian and Justin interact with the rest of the gang assembled. Unfortunately, I understand all too well just how I fucked up my family when most of them barely acknowledge my presence. Vic, though, comes over to keep me company.

“How are you, Sis?”

“How do you think? They won’t talk to me; won’t look at me for more than a split second…”

“Can you really blame them, Deb?” he asks me, and I look over at him with tears in my eyes. “You’ve hurt Brian and Justin in unimaginable ways. Not only did you disparage their characters, but you attacked them for doing the right thing for themselves. And even after Justin handed you back the deed to your house, which your son basically stole from you, you still went on and lashed out at them some more. Why? Because all of the underhanded shit that Michael has done to them over the years has finally caught up to him? How can you blame them for taking the actions they have?”

“But they could have made a deal with him or something, Vic!” I exclaim, just before realizing what I am doing yet again.

Vic notices, and after a few minutes, he finally comments. “You just can’t help it, can you? You just can’t stop trying to defend Michael, even when there is no way you can. Is it any wonder why you are over here by yourself, except for me?”

“I know I was wrong, Vic. I don’t need you to tell me that…”

“Apparently I have to, because you just can’t see how or why you are. I’ve asked you this before, and so I will ask you again. Had this been Michael’s situation, instead of Brian and Justin’s, would you have been so nonchalant? Would you have advised him to forget about all the wrong done to him, or would you instruct him to fight back within the legal system? Knowing all that you know about how far Michael has gone to make Justin- and therefore Brian’s- life a living hell, would you have still advised Michael to forgive and forget had they done this to him? I think both you and I know that you wouldn’t have. In fact, all of Liberty Avenue would still hear you ranting about it every chance you got. Yet, Brian and Justin have basically been holding their silence and sanity together by not talking about it, until they have to. Says a lot about their characters, doesn’t it?”

I sigh, absorbing the truth of his words. I would have done all those things for Michael and more. “Why can’t they just accept my apology, Vic? I really am sorry.”

“Yes, you are, but why? Is it because once Michael is carted off to jail, you’ll basically be alone? Or is it because you really understand that using and expecting Brian to take care of Michael, as a husband would, was the absolute wrong thing to do? Is it because you now realize that demanding that Brian and Justin sacrifice their happiness, and each other, so that Michael could continue to lie, cheat, steal, and coast through life on Brian and Justin’s coattails was supremely selfish on your part? If you can answer any of those questions honestly, then just maybe someday they will forgive you.

"But if you can’t see past the mom-induced delusion you’ve been in all of Michael’s life- the one where you can’t accept responsibility for him being the way he is- then I’m afraid that there is no hope for you. In the meantime, don’t try to force your way into their lives. You won’t like the results if you do. They are beginning to push back now, which if you ask me, it’s past time they did.”

Before I could respond, the doctor came into the waiting area, asking them to go back to the young woman, Taryn’s, room. I wait for all of them to go ahead, and then follow behind at a sedate pace. Part of me really hopes that my gut feeling is wrong, and that this was all Lindsay’s doing. But I know deep within my heart that even if she planned it, Michael paid for it using the money he stole from Justin. And that makes me both angry and sad.

I watch as the Doc hands Brian and Justin a rather large envelope each, holding my breath as they both fumble with the clasp on them. I close my eyes, realizing that I should have at least gone by the nursery at gotten a peek at them, before the opportunity is lost to me completely. My fears are confirmed when the bright smile I named Justin for breaks out onto his face, even as his eyes fill with tears.

“Holy fuck! I’m a dad! I have a son!” he shouts, while everyone goes to hug him. Meanwhile, Brian is still holding onto his envelope, not moving but with a shocked sort of smile on his face.

“Oh shit! She’s going to go nuclear when she finds out that her egg provided Justin with a son. I tried to tell her this morning, but we all know how Lindsay is when she takes an idea into her head,” Melanie says, and I find myself blinking twice.  

Finally Brian clears his throat, and says, “Well, she’s also going to piss her panties.”

“Why?” Justin asks. “You know what… give me that!” He snatches the envelope from Brian, and then laughs uproarously.

I want to go over there, and snatch the paper myself! But I refrain. Vic’s warning about not pushing my way into their lives is still ringing, and registering in my ears. Instead, I’m standing here, hoping that Lindsay fucked up Brian’s sample and Michael is actually the father of one of the children. Not because he would make a good dad or anything of the sort, but… well, there are so many things I would change about the way I raised Michael, or the way I treated the rest of them because of it.

I want a do-over!

“So what does it say?” Melanie asks, and I find myself waiting with bated breath.

Brian smiles full-on, and to me, he's never looked more beautiful. “That my daughter, Jennifer Renee Taylor-Kinney, will never know the trainwreck that Lindsay Peterson is. That perfect family she was so hellbent on having with me, with a boy and a girl, is one she will never know.” 

“Neither will Jordan Raymond Taylor-Kinney.”

“But you know the same goes for Gus Marcus Taylor-Kinney.”

“Instead, there is only one Mom that they will all know... if she will have us,” Justin says, as both he and Brian look at Melanie.

“Do you even have to ask?” she tells them with tears in her eyes. “Of course. So now we have grandmothers in Jennifer and Nancy, grandfathers in Ronald- and well as soon as you meet your actual father, Brian- and a host of aunts and uncles.”

The scene I’m witnessing has me in floods of tears, as I seem to be all but forgotten. However it’s the words that I hear from Taryn as I back out of the room, which breaks my heart even further. “Thank you, Brian and Justin, for giving me what I’ve always wanted… an accepting family. You guys are, and will always be, the brothers of my heart.”

Although I know none of it was done maliciously by any of them, it still fucking hurts! But it’s what my actions have reduced us- the family I always thought we were- to. How the fuck am I supposed to rebuild from this rubble? But I know the first thing I have to do… I have to go see him.