Mother's Finest - "Love Changes"

Writer: Skip Scarborough

You stay awake half the night/ Love is just a perfect chance/ It must be love that's on

your mind/ You're doin' things you wouldn't before, oh.../ 

Love will make you oh, so happy/ Inside, ha, ha, ha (Ha...ha...ha...)/ Love will make

you oh, so sad/ Make you cry, ha, ha, ha

Oh... changes/ That's what love makes you do, hoo.../ Changes/ That's what love

makes one do

Wonder if it's real this time/ Or just another half-goodbye/ You walk around starry

eyed/ Can't believe that love would hurt again, oh...love/ 

CHAPTER 6

Brian

I cringe at the loft door slamming shut in the wake of his leaving. Again. There was so much more to be said without all the anger, but what the fuck... I'm STILL fucking angry! And somehow his confusion about what happened last night makes me even more so. 

But Justin is doing what Justin does. He runs. Not because he can't face what is happening; no, never that. He's running to buy himself time. Well that's fine, because I need some time, too.

Time to think. Time to regroup. Time to figure out just what the fuck I'm feeling beneath all this shit, that's too close to the surface. But I don't have time to analyze all of that just yet. I have a meeting to get to... 

One that was requested just before Justin's arrival here last night, and one that I dare not put off. 

I roll out of bed and decide which suit of armor I'm going to put on today. I can't help but snicker thinking of how many times Justin told me that I hide behind the facade of being THE ‘Brian fucking Kinney'. Be it suit or leather, with a snarky attitude and self-assured poise, I manage to cover up the fact that I'm messy inside, just like everybody else. It still amazes me that he could see that. But right now, it's as if we don't know each other at all anymore. 

He's changing, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I’m not even sure if I want to do anything about it at all. Maybe it’s just the natural progression of things, I suppose. After all, he is almost twenty years old. I would like to think we all had some type of epiphany about who we were going to be around then.

But there is something different about him on the inside that I just can't put my finger on... Some new determination to live his life his way. The question is: do I want to go along for the ride, and if I do, will he let me? My life up until I met Justin Taylor was pretty predictable. I had even managed to fool myself into thinking that it was all enough.

But even before the night he was standing under that fucking streetlamp, something was nipping at my heels. I began to metaphorically run faster and faster. However, the night I exited the club after that measly, teeth-grinding blow job, I looked into his eyes and somehow I saw a place that I could stand still for awhile; a place where I could rest momentarily before finding my mental footing again. Justin was only supposed to be my stopping place for a little while. But somehow he had turned into my cornerstone.

I think about all the times, during the past year, we didn't seem to know the right words to say. Sex was never a problem for us. In bed, on the couch, on every available flat surface or against the wall in the living area or shower, we never had a problem letting our bodies speak for us. And last night was no different. As I look down at myself in the shower, I see the telltale signs that Justin's been with me...

The bite marks, bruised imprints of his fingertips as I took him hard and rough. I don't even have to look at my back to know that there is bruising there. Or even the ones around my hips that are assuredly from those boa constrictors, he calls legs. My body is a walking reminder of a night of sexual satisfaction, where nothing got solved. But we definitely relived how this whole episode in our lives called ‘Brian AND Justin’ got started.

I'm still shocked at what Justin revealed last night about Michael and Lindsay. Yeah, I actually listened to him as he ranted. And although I was there to witness some of their badgering and innuendos, there were many instances that I wasn't. As I think back to the Vermont trip, I remember telling Justin that I had to go to Chicago for work and that business had to come first since it paid for the loft and PIFA. Now that I look back at that episode, I probably shouldn't have made it sound as if he was being a burden to me.

He wasn't. Never has been, and never will be. It would have been our first time going away together. The fact is, that yes, I could have taken him with me just so he wouldn't have felt like a millstone around my neck, or that he wasn’t missing out on time with me. It's amazing what one can see when they actually take the time to look. 

I remember the dejected look on his face, I had just chalked up to childhood disappointment. But he wasn’t ever a child to me, so why had I locked him into that category? I couldn't see what Justin was feeling beyond having his hopes dashed. However, now I know that something deeper was going on with him. But what??

The funny thing is that although I didn't tell Justin about the whole job situation and the threats made to my job, I did tell Michael. If Justin went to Mikey with his list of grievances as he said he did, why didn't Michael reassure Justin with the whole truth? Or at the very least, why didn’t he tell me what was really going on with Justin when he went to Vermont anyway? As I continue to get dressed, preparing for my meeting, I now understand just what Justin had said so venomously last night. Mikey knew much more than he had let on from the onset. 

As Justin's friend, why would he let the boy hurt like that? I draw the conclusion that Michael was what my father used to call a ‘fair-weather friend'. As long Justin was playing his part in making Michael's comic book a reality, all was right in Mikey's world and he was Justin's friend. But then there is still the little matter of why he told me only half of the information when he found out about Ethan. In lieu of all I’m just now finding out, I don't trust Michael to be completely honest with me. 

But I do know someone who can tell me what I either didn't see, or ignored completely.

Grabbing my briefcase, I scroll down my contacts list as I leave the loft. I had just finished setting the alarm when he answers the phone. "Brian? Brian Kinney? Who are you and why do you have his phone?"

I couldn't help but narrow my eyes, as I waited for the elevator to come up. "Cut the shit, Honeycutt. I need you to put on your least tacky suit, and meet me at La Monde's in about an hour."

"No can do, Mr. Kinney. You see, some of us actually have jobs whose bosses are a lot less flexible and I needs my money, Honey."

I growled into the receiver. "Fine, I'll pay you double for the missed day. Just call in already."

I heard the slight catch in his breath. "Sounds important. What's this about?"

"Is Michael there with you?"

"He's in the shower."

"Good. Don't tell him or anyone else that you're coming to meet me. It's not a fucking gang hangout or get-together. I'll arrange for a car to pick you up in forty-five minutes."

"Fine by me, Brian. But what should I tell you know who? You know how he is when it comes to you."

"Simple, you follow my instructions of a few moments ago... Tell him absolutely nothing. My meeting with you isn't anyone else's business. If you must, tell him you are meeting with a potential client for your catering business. Even though it hasn't fully taken off, you're still taking odd jobs right?"

"Indeed I am."

"So there you have your excuse. Now hurry up, Emmett." I hung up the phone, breathing a sigh of relief.

Admittedly, Emmett can be exhausting but he is also honest to a fault. He won't bullshit me, and will tell me exactly what I want to know. When I arrived at the restaurant, I saw the woman that I needed to see- or rather- who needed to see me. She always was an elegant dame, and today is no different. I know that I have to talk to her about the business side of things before Emmett gets here. 

As for the personal... Well, Jennifer Taylor was never one to mince words with me. So I have the distinct feeling this meeting she requested won't be any different, despite the fact that Justin and I are no longer in each others' face, place, and space.

"Brian, how are you?"

"I'm doing okay, Mother Taylor. How are things with you and Molly?"

"They could be better, and that's part of the reason I asked you to meet me here."

"What's happened? Has Craig tried again to pull some underhanded shit with you

regarding alimony?" I had offered to call my attorney for her several times, but Jennifer is one of those extremely independent women who very rarely allows for help. Sound familiar? I completely see where Justin gets his stubbornness.

"I promise you Brian, Molly and I are fine. The reason why I asked you here today has to do with Justin." She waited to see my reaction to his name, but realized that she wasn't going to get an averse one. So she continued on with, "Are you aware of what Michael is trying to do to him?"

I nodded. "Aware and shocked, though I'm not surprised. Their falling out at... Well, it was major, even before the..." Fuck! I still couldn't voice the ‘Rage party' aloud. She reached over and touched my hand briefly, in a show of understanding. Before I had a chance to pull it back, she removed it.

She cleared her throat. "The thing is, he went to my attorney yesterday and explained all he wanted to do. I was surprised to know that he had set up an LLC for himself under Justin Taylor Enterprises. Although he was partners with Michael in Rage, his artwork for the comic was copyrighted under the business. This is what's giving him the legal grounds to sue Michael. Any Rage-related graphics have to go through Justin. 

“So the fact that your best friend was trying to freeze Justin out of his share of the proceeds by having Lindsay draw in a sense- you- has landed Michael and Lindsay in some serious copyright infringement trouble. He said that he is through playing nice, and that he is going to take everything away from Michael. I don't think I've ever seen him so... angry."

"I have," I snickered. I couldn't help it, before I cleared my throat. "But in any event, Justin is well within his legal rights. I had Ted look over the books from the proceeds, both in the store and online. I'm sorry to say that Michael is in complete breach of contract, and can possibly be brought up on charges for stealing over half of the proceeds himself while only giving Justin ten percent or less, of the sale on each Rage-related paraphernalia, be it comic book or doll, etc."

"Wow... That's... That's... I can't even believe Michael would do something so shady! Does Deb know?"

"Not yet, but she will. I'm almost willing to bet that as soon as Michael receives the summons, he will go running to her to tell her about it." I know that I am sneering, but I really can't help it.

I thought by now that we were all supposed to be grown and mature. But Michael enjoys playing way too many High School Bullshit games with people's lives. I think the only one who still buys the act IS Deb. But that’s only because she wants to. In a warped way, I think it keeps her from facing the fact that she is aging, too. 

More fool, her!

"So where will all of this leave you and Justin?"

"What do you mean?"

"Brian, this is me you're speaking to, in case you've forgotten. I know that what has gone on between you- what is going on between you- is most assuredly not over. It can't be."

"Why not? Justin has made his choice Mother Taylor. In case you've missed the memo, I'm not it." I couldn't help but drop my eyes. I didn't want her to see what that simple statement did to me every time I thought the same words I just said to her.

"Brian... please look at me. Please." At the plea in her voice, I couldn't not look at her. She was Sunshine's mom, and oddly more of a mother to me in a lot of ways than Joan Kinney could ever hope to be to me, not that she would. "I know that I gave you a hard time, at first. I thought that you were too old, or were going to take undue advantage and hurt my son. But over these last few months, I've watched you with him; watched him with you. You both bring out that special something in each other. I don't see that with Ethan, ever."

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't! You gave me my son back. He's different, but the changes are so minor compared to what they were before you moved him in. The funny thing is that same withdrawn mentality he had when I first asked you to take him- to touch him- is the same desolate look I've seen a hundred times during the last, almost five months."

I swallowed hard. "I... I can't heal him, Jennifer."

"No one's asking you to. That is up to both of you since you are hurting, too. But what you can do is reach him. He's shutting everyone out of what is going on in his life."

"It's his life. He has to want me in it. He gets to decide how he wants to design his life. If I force his hand, then I'm no better than Craig, only better looking and more well-endowed."

Jennifer snickered, but turned serious again. "Brian, he isn't sleeping well. His nightmares are back. I had to pound on the door at Ethan's one day last week for roughly ten minutes, before he was able to rouse himself from sleeping deeply. While I was waiting, I could hear the pleas and screams. I recognized them immediately because of what he was saying, while trapped inside of his nightmare. One name kept coming up, over and over again when he fought to climb out of his slumber. Brian… Brian... Brian... he was crying out for you."

"So what do you want me to do, Jennifer? I can't make him come home." I can't believe that my voice broke at the last part of that sentence, but it couldn't be helped. "How long have they been back?"

"Based on what I've seen with my own two eyes- the fatigue and world-weariness- I would venture to say it was the night he left Babylon and you behind. Ethan is a sweet young man, but he is looking for a wife and Justin is not it."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Justin is not prepared to sacrifice his dreams, goals, and aspirations based on some homemaker stereotype that says one of the partners must do all the cooking, cleaning and a host of bullshit society says makes a relationship count. You know Justin has never been into perceived gender roles."

I nod my head, as I signal to the waiter for another double shot of Beam. Just sitting here listening to Jennifer tell me about Justin's night terrors- for that is what they truly are- coming back, is a lot for me to take in. "Does Ian know? I mean does he know of the things that Justin dreams?"

"I doubt it. In fact, I don't even think that Ethan knows much about the bashing at all, except that Justin pissed off a classmate by simply being himself. And I really don’t even think that particular observation came from Justin directly; just someone who knew only a small amount of the situation with Hobbs as a whole. I didn't get the impression that Justin has shared much of himself with the young man, beyond what Ethan thinks he knows about the two of you."

"Yeah well, Justin can be as closed off as a locked box surrounded by barbed wire and an electrified fence when he chooses to be." I know that I'm bitter, but Jenn won't let me live in my one delusion of complete openness and honesty.

"So can you, Brian. Don't think for one moment that I don't hold you equally responsible in this debacle, because I do. You're just as guilty of omission as my son is. Now your reasons for that are your own, although I suspect Justin knows more than he's willing to say. I've always admired that about the two of you. You both have- or had- the ability to see what no one else could see in each other. I remember coming to the loft many times, and seeing how relaxed you both were in each others' presence. But that all changed when you allowed others to interfere, while you said nothing."

Before I had a chance to refute what she said, I heard the nelliest queen of them all say, "She's right, Brian. Had you not let others in between you, this wouldn't be happening."

"Do you want to order a drink first before you berate me? Or are you feeling exceptionally brave today, Honeycutt?"

"I will take that drink, Mr. Kinney, but only because I'm thirsty. It's certainly not because I'm afraid to tell you that you're an asshole, and an idiot for not seeing what your best friend was doing behind your back... and don't call me Honeycutt."

After he ordered his Cosmo, he greeted Jennifer, asking her about business and if she would be able to look for a home for him and Ted. I didn't know that things had progressed that far. Not that I really cared, but it's just showing me how much I have been out of the loop since... 

"So what can you tell me about this shit that I don't know?" I ask. He looked over to Jenn, silently asking if it was okay that she hear it all. "You might as well. Mother Taylor has had no problem telling me what she thinks, so why should you?"

"Brian... well it's just that... I just..."

"Oh for fuck's sake spill, Emmy Lou. I promise not to have the chef come out and slit your throat out. Satisfied?"

"Not by you for a long time," he retorted quickly. This was one of the things I have always enjoyed about Emmett Honeycutt. He wasn't the type to mince words, and could give an insult as quick as he received one. He took a sip of his drink before beginning to speak. "Okay, so here is what I know. Michael befriended Justin for the sole purpose of making his comic book dream a reality. Now, Justin of old would have seen Michael's olive branch for what it was- a temporary and contingent thing- but new Justin was desperate to have someone to help him understand you. I remember asking Michael what the hell he was doing; it seemed as if he did a 180-personality change overnight. His reply was that being friends with Justin was good for business. I couldn't argue since ‘Rage' is all the rage right now. But the whole Ethan mess didn't really start, until the night Ben was in the hospital."

"Bullshit. He was hanging out with Eeyore way before that; since the week after his birthday, in fact."

"Be that as it may, it was just ‘hanging out' up until that point. You're forgetting that Justin also confided in me. Things that he wouldn't tell Michael, like about Ethan's constant overtures, he told me and Daphne. The night he had gone to Vermont alone was really a turning point in how he saw things, and it was because of the conversation he had with Michael while going over the new comic boards that morning. I knew he was going to Vermont by mid-afternoon, and I asked him why he was if you weren't going with him. He said that you wouldn't give a shit, and you were probably taking the weekend to live it up in Chicago. He said that the week away would do him some good. I knew not to question Justin further at that point, but I also knew who to question. The entire dejected look Justin displayed had Michael Strikes Again written all over it."

What do you mean?" Jennifer asked Emmett.

I couldn't help but remember the many times Justin had worn that certain ‘Michael knows Brian best' look. Usually it was after Michael shot off some perceived ‘Brian Kinney-isms' as fact. And truth be told, I never did anything to dispel the myth of mystique Michael always seemed to think I have. Not to Michael, and certainly not to Justin. Fuck, it's been part of me for so long, it really does seem like it's me and maybe parts of it are but not with Justin.

How could he have forgotten that after everything we shared?   

"Michael's favorite line after ‘I'm his best friend,' is ‘Well that's not Brian.' Justin's probably heard it so much since the night he and Brian met that it's probably on a running tape in his head with Michael's voice. Which by itself, isn't very pleasant."

"So when did Michael decide to freeze Justin out of the Rage profits?" I really need to know this.

"I remember him asking Ted how much it would cost to buy Justin out of the comic. This was right after he asked you where Justin was the last night we were all at Babylon together, before the infamous party. Ted told him that it would take money that they haven't even made, as of yet. Michael must have forgotten what he told Ted and I not even a week before, when he blurted out that he had the money. Ted told him that he would look at the books for him, to make sure that Justin would be getting a fair deal."

"And let me guess...Michael stalled for time, and said he already had an artist waiting in the wings."

"How did you guess?" Emmett said, genuinely surprised.

I debated with myself of how much I could actually get away with telling Emmett. I mean, the guy is a notorious gossip- probably the biggest that has hit Liberty Avenue since Godiva herself landed in the Pitts. But I also know that he is completely loyal to Justin. He's like Daphne in gay man form. So making the decision, I begin to level with him about this.

"After Lindsay had the unmitigated gall to ask me if I was paying Justin's tuition this year, she said that she was planning on asking Justin to babysit for her while she took on drawing 'Rage'. I had Ted look at the books from my end yesterday. For some reason, Justin never took authorization on his business accounts, or other important papers from me. Also Mel went over the contract between Michael and Justin with a fine tooth comb. Michael forgot some very important details, when he decided to freeze Justin out: All rights for the artwork of the comic revert back to Justin, as does the graphic arts on the website since Justin designed it, and Rage: Volume I issue 1 in its entirety is all Justin's, since it was based on his personal story. In a word, Michael is FUCKED."

"Without lube," Emmett gasped, upon hearing all that I said.

"I don't even want to know why the words ‘fucked' and ‘lube' would be linked together in the same sentence," Jennifer said, causing Em and I to snicker. "But I do want to know what this means for Justin."

"It means that Justin's lawyer, namely Melanie Marcus, is going to file papers for Michael to cease and desist immediately on all Rage paraphernalia. And he's not allowed to do business online at all. It looks like Red Cape Comics is about to hold a going out of business sale," I answer her.

"You don't think Justin will do that to Michael, do you Brian?" Emmett asked me.

"From what I heard last night, Michael is lucky that this is all Justin is going to do. He's fucking angry, and I don't blame him. Emmett, why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

"I tried. Remember when I had shown up to Vanguard that morning, but you were on some tear with your boss? And then I tried again at Babylon that same night, but Michael kept interfering? Now, I understand why. All of his planning, and plotting seems to be working out exactly the way he and Lindsay wanted it to."

"Lindsay?"

"Oh Brian, you really are blind sometimes," Jennifer chuckled. "Michael may have planned some parts of this, but the rest is all WASP, Darling. Lindsay made suggestions to Michael, and being the weak-willed, easily-influenced man that he is, Michael carried them out. Thus Lindsay gets to keep her hands clean from the fallout."

While still at the restaurant, I made the call to Melanie and told her to go on and file the lawsuit then have Michael served immediately. Mel told me that she filed at the conclusion of our findings yesterday, and that there should be a process server on his way to Michael's shop as we speak. I then left a message on Justin's phone, telling him that I arranged for Mel to deal with Michael and to not give me or her any shit, despite the fact that Gus' birth mother is involved. Lindsay is lucky there isn't much to do to her, since her name isn't on anything official yet. Otherwise, she would definitely be going down with Michael.

But as I sat there, half-heartedly listening to Em and Jenn's conversation flow around me, I decided that it's time that Lindsay and Michael really learn what it's like to be frozen out, a la Kinney style. But regardless of everything else happening, I have to see Justin again... Today... NOW! But I don't even know where to find him.

Ordinarily, I would say he would be in the studio at school. But since classes don't start for another two weeks, I know he's not there. And as I look out of the window into the golden triangle and my eyes fall on blond hair, bent over a sketch pad, I realize that there is no time like the present. I know that most would wonder how I could tell one blond from another since there are so many around; both natural blonds, and those that come from a bottle of peroxide or Miss Clairol. My only answer is that my dick only hardens at the sight of one blond.

And his name is Justin Taylor.  

Ethan

I know that whatever is bothering Justin has something to do with some mail that he's gotten recently. I have been searching everywhere he may have written the code to the combination lock, but I haven't found it yet. He keeps everything in that fucking locker: His clothes, his mail and anything else that he feels is none of my business. But it is my business because in spite of what he says, Justin is my partner. He's my muse, my reason for playing with such verve.

But he's extremely guarded lately. I feel him slipping away, and yet I am powerless to stop it. He's discontented somehow. And it doesn't help that he has a car now. When he was walking everywhere or taking the bus, I could be sure of the places he would go. 

There were only so many places to get to when you didn't have a set of wheels, so it didn't make keeping track of his whereabouts so difficult. I could just show up where he was, and it was perfect. But ever since he got that fucking replica of Brian's jeep, he spends more time in it than he does with me. And I hate it! He barely lets me in it to ride with him.

At least when he didn’t have a car, I had the consolation of knowing if he wasn't working, he was with Daphne. Or at least I used to believe that, until last night! Now I don't know where the fuck he is half the time, and he refuses to explain himself. I have a feeling that it's going to happen more and more. I don't like my Baby not being accessible to me at all times.

And if last night is anything to go by, something has got to be done about that fucking car.

While I was on my way to class, I remember asking him if he was going to be home for dinner. Or more accurately, if he was going to fix dinner tonight, but I couldn't hide my surprise when he said that he would probably be in the studio tonight and didn't know when he would be home. I know that he was talking about withdrawing from school, not sure if he would have the money to attend. I know that I shouldn't be happy about that, but I am happy about the possibility. I know that his mother is struggling financially, so she wouldn't have the tuition money lying around.

His father certainly isn't going to come up off a dime, if it meant that Justin wasn't going to the college of his choice. Justin's father makes me glad that I was born well-off... But then again, so was Justin and look where it has gotten him. So by deduction, that would have left his ex-boyfriend to supply his need to attend school. I would rather Justin just not go, if that was the case.

He belongs with me, on my arm, instead of with the Male Whore of Babylon. Selfish much? Yes and no. I want the best for Justin and I AM what's BEST, not Brian Kinney. It might be selfish of me, but it is also a fact!

But back to this studio: Where is it? I have no idea. I didn't even know that he had found studio space, until he mentioned it this afternoon! There are so many things he is keeping from me lately. He barely sleeps in the bed beside me anymore.

And making love... Well that's become almost non-existent in the last month and a half. Whenever he fucks me it's perfunctory now, as if his only goal is to get off. Sure, I get off too, but the spark isn't there like it was the first time he took me. I don't know what's going through his head.

All I know is that I am losing him, so it's time I step up my game a little bit. I already managed to make him so uncomfortable at the Liberty Diner, that he quit of his own accord. He still talks to Emmett and Ted from his old friends, but that's it. But now, it's time to sever his connection with Daphne. I can no longer trust that he's with her when he is away from me, so it stands to reason that I can't trust her either.

Her first and only loyalty is to Justin, and I know that if things were the same between him and Brian, Daphne would side with Brian, too. No, Justin is mine and anything that stands in the way of us being together, has to be removed at all cost and that includes his friends. I'll have to see to it.