Give Me The Reason- Luther Vandross

Lyrics:

What's there to say, there's not much to talk about

And whatever happened to all of the love that we vowed

Yes, it's true/ And there's nothing new/ You can say

Give me the reason to want you back/ Why should I love you again

Do you know, tell me how/ How to forgive and forget

Give me the reason to love you now/ It's been a mighty long time

And the love that used to be/ Ended the day you walked out

Never knew I'd ever be/ Standing alone and outside

With no one to love

I was secure and so glad there was you to love

What in the world would I ever do without us

But it's getting clear/ That I have to get over you

Give me the reason to want you back/ Why should I love you again

Do you know, tell me how/ How to forgive and forget

Give me the reason to love you now/ It's been a mighty long time

And the love that used to be/ Ended the day you walked out

Songwriters: Luther Vandross / Nat / Jr Adderley

Give Me the Reason lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Gopam Enterprises Inc

Melanie

Ben and I have developed a routine of sorts. While Brian is out of town, he's been helping out with Gus. Although I have been leaving the office early, Ben picks Gus up from Dusty for me and meets me at the house. If I have to spend a bit more time working from home, he hangs around and grades papers or chills out with Gus. I've told him that he doesn't have to, but he just waves me away, telling me to let the boys do their thing and go be brilliant.

As a result, Gus doesn't seem to miss Lindsay at all, which is what I initially feared would happen when all of this drama began.

Consequently though, I spent last night almost wishing her greedy ass was still around. Gus is teething, and to say he isn't happy would be the understatement of the year. If one looks closely, his two bottom teeth are just this side of visible and honestly I can't wait for the little fuckers to make their appearance so that just maybe I can get some sleep while it's still dark outside. But all in all, I'd say that Gus and I are doing pretty alright. I haven't killed him and he hasn't given me innumerable gray hairs or driven me completely insane.

But the day is still young.

Another thing that has been annoying me to no end is Lindsay's phone, which has been ringing off the hook since yesterday. Even as I lay here at just after nine in the morning, the offending electro-leash is ringing again. I debate with myself about answering before deciding to put me and the annoying bastard calling out of both our miseries. Before I even have a chance to say ‘Hello' the caller is frantically telling me his problem.

"My fucking God, you finally answer your goddamn phone! Lindsay, it's Ethan. The police just left here, asking what I know about the situation regarding Justin's car. You have to help me!"

What the actual fuck?! What... I decide to just play along, until I can find out exactly what he knows and how the harridan fits into this. I mean seriously, why would Ethan Gold be calling Lindsay when we all know that Justin is out of town indefinitely... Well at least, until Friday night?

Adopting that supercilious tone Lindsay is known for, I ask, "Ethan? What the hell are you calling me for?"

"Oh my God, haven't you been listening to a damn word I said?!"

"Perhaps if you calmed yourself and spoke succinctly instead of the jumbled bullshit you're spouting, I would have understood you the first time. So... what's the problem?"

The sound of his inhale and exhale annoys me to no end. It reminds me uncomfortably of Michael, when he's being called on his shit. It's nasally and wheezy, all at the same time! I suddenly have a new respect for Justin. Having to hear breathing which is reminding me of a whiny mosquito would drive me fucking bonkers, let alone his voice.

It's always reminded me of what Michael would sound like if he was born WASP. Yikes!

"Look... Lindsay, the police were by my place this morning, asking what I know about Justin's car."

"And do you know something about it?"

"You know damn fucking well that I do! And so do you! Don't you remember that you told me to talk Justin into getting rid of the car? Well the more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to fight with Justin about it..."

"So you took matters into your own hands? Is that what you're saying? Are you telling me that he ended up in the hospital, because of your actions that night?" It's taking everything in me to keep playing the part of Lindsay, when all I really want to do is yell at this little asshole.

"Lindsay, you know this already. Why are we rehashing it?! You and Michael told me that if I didn't get Justin to go away with me the minute he got back into town, that you both were going to go to the cops about the ten grand and the car. It's a good thing that the five grand is mine to keep, since I think I'm going to need a lawyer. You think your wife could help me out?"

"No, she can't."

"Why the fuck not?!"

"Because she's Justin's attorney. So no, Ethan, she's not going to defend your actions, especially when she cares a great deal about him. Your best option right now is to own up to your crime."

"I didn't commit a crime. What I did was done out of love!"

I'm thoroughly appalled that this fucker thinks scaring the hell out of Justin, and sending him into a panic attack of epic proportions, in any way remotely displays love. "Ethan... Ethan, what you did was selfish! It was not done because you love Justin. But if you really do love Justin, go to the police and tell them what you did to his car. If they have to come and get you, it will be worse."

"What are you saying, Lindsay?"

I've officially had enough of this little turd, and playing the Lying Lindsay game with him. I can't believe that bitch and Michael!! To involve this young boy in their schemes... But he certainly isn't innocent, either. "Wait, ten grand? What did you use the money for? Have you spent any of it yet?"

"No. That's the money for me and Justin, remember? The money Michael gave me is to help Justin and I make a new start."

"How are you going to do that when he has no intention of leaving with you?"

"That doesn't matter; I'll convince him somehow. But first, he can NEVER find out about the car, or the fact that Michael paid me, at your suggestion, to get him away from Brian. Lindsay, he can never know! I can't live without him! He's my fucking muse for Christ's sake! I can't lose him!" Ethan cries into my ear.

I check myself to see what I feel for him. Contempt. Disgust. Nope... not a trace of fucking sadness or sympathy anywhere. "Look kid, get yourself  a lawyer and come clean about all of it, including Lindsay and Michael's involvement, or I'll do it for you," I tell him in my regular voice.

"L-Lindsay? Lindsay?!" He screams into the receiver, when I stay silent. "Who- who are you?"

"Melanie Marcus, Lindsay Peterson's former domestic partner and Justin Taylor's attorney."

"What?!?!"

"You heard me. You have a week to get your shit together, including returning every fucking dime of that money. And I don't mean just the ten thousand dollars, I mean the whole fifteen grand. That money was stolen from my client by Michael Novotny."

"He told me it was his..."

"You haven't figured out that he's a goddamned liar yet? Well, add THIEF to it. If you want to be an accessory, and go to jail for longer than you already will for the damage you've done to Justin, touch one red fucking cent of that money, and I'll make sure you get duked up the ass by Bubba everyday for a minimum of fifteen years. By the way, good luck on your competition. If I were you, I would play like my life depends on it, because it truly DOES!" I hang up the phone, madder than cat piss at what Michael, Lindsay, and Ethan have done.

Fucking hell!! How am I supposed to tell Justin this shit?

Ethan

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!!" I can't believe that I just spilled it all to Justin's lawyer, instead of the bitch I was calling to ask for help.

Okay, so granted... Trashing Justin's car a few weeks ago was wrong. But it was just that I was upset, because Justin has been keeping things from me. Any husband would have done the same exact thing, if he thought his lover was cheating on him. I'm not saying that what I did was right, but it was justified.

That replica of the infamous Kinney fuckmobile was a hinderance to my happily-ever-after with Justin. Regardless of our conversation about career goals, I know that Justin is destined to follow me as I travel the world playing Mischa. He can indulge his hobby while I'm at practice, but since I'll be the one actually earning a living, he doesn't need to do anything except take care of me. It's what millions of housewives do for their mates everyday. Why should Justin be any different?

It's fucking Kinney's influence that's keeping Justin from me, and from doing what I want him to do! I've told Justin a million times how Brian was bad for his mental health, and that he should just forget the fucker. Except that Justin won't listen! I've even told the bastard personally that no matter what he does, he will never be right for Justin. That has already been proven.

It's why Justin is with me. He left that whore for ME! Justin should be here with ME! But no! He's in fucking California, painting, something he could have done right HERE WHERE HE BELONGS!

Instead, he moved out and is three-thousand miles away. And for what? For all I know, he's fucking! Oh, I hold no illusions that Justin is being celibate by any means. After all, he's Kinney's protege.

Fuck! And where is that motherfucker?! Michael still hasn't gotten in touch with him; no one knows where he is. Well, that's not exactly true, but the people who DO know aren't telling Michael and Lindsay. Well, maybe they will tell me!

I'll lie, and say that something is wrong with Justin. That will surely bring that tall bastard out of hiding. The mere mention that his Sunshine is in trouble, and the asshole comes running. Yeah... That's exactly what I'll do!

I'll find Kinney; besides, if he's here that means he can't be there with Justin.

I grab my keys and open the door, only to find Phoebe on the other side, hand raised as if getting ready to knock.

"Glad I caught you. Does that mean they called you, too?"

I couldn't help the wary and puzzled look I displayed. True, the landline has been ringing all morning, while I was on the phone purging my guts to the wrong woman but... "What are you talking about?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Figures you wouldn't check your voicemail, or answer your damn phone! They moved all of the competitions up to today, including yours and mine. Fuck! In a little less than two hours, I'll be sitting in front of Yanni auditioning for his comeback tour. As for you, Ethan, you have to get dressed right now! You're due at the Auditorium in forty-five minutes. I left Marta primping in the mirror, when I left the apartment. I saw Adam, rushing out for a last minute coffee with his violin in hand. What the hell are you still standing there for, Ethan?!" She grabs me and shakes me. "Snap the fuck out of it, and get fucking dressed!"

She pushes past me, grabbing my elbow along the way and dragging me back in. I'm too stunned to register anything, except that she's told me the competition has been moved up by a day. If I win, that means I can skip town before that Marcus woman can do anything to me regarding Michael Novotny. Carnivale is this weekend so that means Justin will be home, and I can ask him to come with me. If I win, that means I have to be prepared to leave by Sunday afternoon to meet the Philharmonic in Hamburg, Germany to begin practices before their concert two weeks from next Friday.

Oh my God, I have to...

"Ethan, this place is a fucking disaster! How can you live like this? I never noticed it looking like this when Justin was around."

"He usually took care of this for me, while I spent time practicing."

"You're a grown man. Why couldn't you take care of it yourself? You know what... nevermind this domestic disgust, we have to get you presentable. Where is your suit for the competition?"

"In... in the closet towards the back. I had planned to go and get it pressed today."

"Give it to me. I'll take it to Andreas, and ask him to do it now. In the meantime, get in the shower. You look like you just rolled out of bed and slapped a mountain of grease into your hair. If you look this unkempt, they will disqualify you based on your looks alone. Hurry Ethan, there is no time to waste!" She says, as she runs out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

With all of the thoughts whirling through my head about Justin, and how this competition could mean a matter of life and death for me, I head into the shower and steel my resolve to play my ass off for those judges. First, destroy the competition; then destroy Kinney's chances of ever reclaiming what's mine! Yeah... the Heifetz Competition is mine. And then Justin will be mine for the taking!

Michael

I can't believe that Ben changed his phone number! When he last spoke to me, it wasn't pretty. Somehow all of my secrets have been exposed... Well, all except for my direct involvement in the breakup of Brian and Justin. With any luck, that one will remain hidden.

But I still can't figure out how he discovered that Lindsay and I stole Brian's sperm, and he's not talking. I can't even blame the fucking twink that started all of this. But the fact is that if Justin had just stayed away after the first night in Brian's bed, then none of this would have happened. Hell, if he'd just stayed away after he was bashed, none of this would have happened. See?

It's all his fucking fault!

As I'm leaving my store and going back to my temporary lodgings at Ma's house- which hopefully will be rectified as soon as Ben talks to me- I see him in the company of some man. I can't help the territorial and jealous feelings rising up in me, especially since I've been calling him constantly and he has yet to return a fucking phone call. I've also left messages with his assistant at the college. Well, if he thinks he can just continue to ignore me, he'd better think again. I head in the direction they are going, which is one I know all too well.

As I walk into the Diner, I see Ma has gone up to them and is taking their order. I hang back to see if I can glean bits and pieces of their conversation. But it's so noisy in here that I can't hear anything except the usual hubbub of the other fags and their ongoing conversations. As soon as Ma leaves the table, I push through the throng to where he and this new guy are sitting. "So you've replaced me already?!" I interrupt the laughter the two of them were sharing. I glower at the pair of them, inwardly satisfied at Ben's change in demeanor.

"There was nothing to replace," Ben tells me, as the buzz of conversation ceases around us.

"So you're calling me ‘nothing' now?"

Ben puffs an exasperated breath, before answering me with a question of his own. "What do you want, Michael?"

"I want to know why you've changed your phone number, and why you aren't returning any of the messages I've left at the college for you."

"That's easy to answer... I have nothing to say to you. So there's absolutely no reason to talk to you. In fact, this whole conversation is pointless."

"It's not pointless!"

"Yes it is, Michael," he tells me. His calmness is annoying me to no end right now. I want to fight with him, and he's not giving me what I want. "I've said everything I needed to say, weeks ago. Whether or not you choose to acknowledge what you heard, that is on you. I can't and won't change one thing I said or did. It's over, move on, you have no place in my life. What about those words was unclear?"

"Ben..." but whatever I was going to say is cut off by my mother, the traitor!

"Michael, Ben has made his position more than clear and so have I. Why aren't you at the store? You have a mortgage to pay now, so you can't afford to close up shop simply because you feel like it."

"No, YOU have a mortgage to pay! I've already told you I'm not paying the mortgage on your fucking house!"

"Then I guess you'll be homeless then," she tells me. "I told you that I signed the house over to you weeks ago, when I moved in with Carl."

"Yeah... We'll see how long that lasts. I mean, look at me and Ben."

"Well I'm not doing anything to fuck up my relationship, the way you did with you and Ben."

"I didn't do anything to fuck up my relationship! He just left because he didn't like what I said about that good-for-only-fucking twink."

"So, being a thief, a tiny tyrant, an ingrate, a mealy-mouth moocher, an embezzler, and a lousy liar, mean nothing to you, huh Michael?" Ted and Emmett came into the Diner, without any of us realizing it. And I can't believe Ted just said those things to me!

"Fuck you, Ted!"

"Not even with someone else's dick would I fuck you, Michael. You really should at least acknowledge what you did. But you can't even do that, can you? You can't see anything you did to Justin nor Brian as wrong, and yet you stand there flinging accusations and ill-thought out opinions about someone else and their relationships. Since you were always talking about taking inventory at the store, which we all know now was a lie, and that you were really running around town scheming and planning Justin's downfall instead, how about you now do some self-inventory on your life? You know, finally figure out that you are a selfish little miser, a user, and a bully. Then maybe you can work on rebuilding the relationships you have destroyed because of YOUR greed and constant need for Brian's attention."

I look around the silent Diner and see some of the occupants nodding, like what Ted said was correct in any way. I look at my mother, who looks proud of Ted, but angry and hurt when she looks back to me. Then I look at Ben who... I don't think I've ever seen such a look of contempt in his eyes directed at me. His companion just looked at me the same way, and not for the first time did I wonder who this guy was.

But I couldn't ask that now, since everyone's frosty looks and silence were making my skin crawl. As I walked to the door, people moved as if I was contaminated or something. Kiki was standing there, holding the door open for me, a glowering look on her face as well. I heard the tinkling of the bell as it was closed forcefully behind me. But as I looked through the window, I saw that all activity had resumed once I'd made my departure.

It seemed as if they had been waiting for that confrontation, and now that it was over, everyone could breathe easier. Except for me. I really can't believe that I've been shut out, over the fucking kid who hurt Brian. I'm certain that this would have never happened if Justin had done any of this. Well, no matter!

As soon as Taryn has the kids, Brian and I will be together and things will go back to normal for me. I'll once again, be considered a Liberty Avenue son, instead of its social pariah of the moment. I have to get in touch with Lindsay to find out how that is going. I haven't heard from her in weeks, constantly getting her voicemail. I haven't gone by the house, because I didn't want another run-in with Melanie the Mega-Bitch.

But now it's time to find out how close I am to becoming a co-parent with Brian. Since everyone else has seemed to abandon me, it's the only thing I have left that I'm truly looking forward to. If Taryn delivers the babies and Brian comes home to me WHERE HE BELONGS, then Justin's money will have been well spent.

Lindsay

Living with my parents again, especially with Mother, is getting on my last fucking nerve! It's a wonder that I'm even able to go to the bathroom and wipe my own ass without either one of them hovering over me. Ever since I stepped foot back in my childhood home, it's been an endless round of old men being paraded in front of me, in Mother's attempt to make me into her clone. When I told her that none of them interested me, she said that I have until the end of the month to decide, or I'm out on my ass with nothing. I can't even choose my own men whom I would like to have a go at, because according to her, I make bad decisions.

Ordinarily, I would aggessively disagree with her. Except that I just spent the last ten years in a relationship with a sneaky woman who has taken my child away from me, sided with my parents to block my way to Brian, and has forced me back under my parents' roof and rules. On the occasions I tried to use the phone to call Mel's office, my mother sat there waiting to listen in. It's ironic that I'm being treated like a teenager again, when in reality, Nancy Peterson wasn't this attentive during that time in my life, content to let the nanny raise me and Lynette while she took vacations and did her own social rounds. When I asked her about it, she said that apparently she'd made the mistake of thinking that I could follow her example of how good life could be; that instead of doing as she and Lynette had done, I involved myself in rebellion.

She said that she was going to make sure that didn't happen again, for my own sake. I call bullshit! She's going to make sure it doesn't happen for her own. So I decided that I will play her game, and choose whomever they are bringing to dinner tonight. I have to be able to get out from under her, or I will murder the bitch in her sleep!

As I sit here dressing for yet another dinner party, I realize that I haven't received any emails in weeks. Going over to the computer, I type in all of my information as usual, a frown deepening when I note yet again, that there wasn't an update from Taryn on her condition. Ever since Mel decided to question me about who Taryn was to me, she and I had decided to communicate through emails and text messages. Since Mel took my cell phone way, the latter has been impossible to accomplish. But I thought for sure, she would have sent me an email or two in the almost-month that I've kinda disappeared.

While sitting there, I decide to do a little research on the man I'm supposed to meet tonight. Clarence Winters is a business associate of my father's. He's a self-made man, much like Brian is. He started off as an apprentice in architecture right after he completed college, around the time I was beginning high school. His current picture shows him in a side view, a little smirk playing on his full lips.

His hair is a salt-and-pepper combination, giving the impression that he isn't too young nor too old, unlike the iron-gray men my parents seem to think are suitable gentlemen callers for me to date. I decide to reserve judgement, until I meet him face-to-face, although I still plan to accept his suit simply because it will free me from this prissy prison my mother has created for me. I long for the freedom to roam at will... And for information on Brian and Taryn. My children should be born in the next couple of weeks, and I'll need an ally to resume my life as I've always known it.

With Brian by my side.

Going downstairs, I meet my parents in the parlor, noting that the man standing in front of me is as tall as I am with broad shoulders. I felt the attraction to him welling inside of me as I stood unnoticed, but admiring the back view of him. I didn't have long to wait to determine if the front view was as pleasing to my eye. He turned to me as my father made the official introduction, and I must say, he's gorgeous with his sparkling green-gold eyes. But there was something else about him that was setting off bells within me.

It wasn't until he took my hand in his to usher me into dinner that I recognized the feeling for what it was. "Do my parents know?" I whispered to him.

Keeping his face blank, he glances sideways at me. God, he reminds me so much of Brian. "Know what exactly?" he asks me.

I lean in closer. I don't mind really, since his scent is as intoxicating a fragrance as I've ever smelled, except on the man he reminds me of. "That you're as bisexual as I am."

"What gives you that impression, Lindsay?" He finally looks at me fully, and I see the spark of enlightenment in his eyes.

"Like recognizes like."

"So does that mean you will keep my secret?"

"Of course, but on one condition."

"And that is..."

"We marry, we don't divorce, but you help me get my children back."

"You have children?"

"Yes. I'll tell you all about it later, but first let's get through dinner."

"So that means you won't mind if my part-time lover, Roberto and I fuck from time to time?"

"Mind? Why would I? You'll be free to your own pursuits as will I. But again, we can discuss the particulars when we are alone. My mother is sure to want me to show you her gardens."

"I look forward to hearing what you have to say."

We sat down to dinner, which was more pleasant than I had originally expected. Yes indeed, I'm definitely going to choose Clarence. And I'm also going to take back what's mine, by any means necessary. Fuck you Melanie, Nancy, and Ron! You haven't beaten me... not by a long shot.

But first things first, fuck and marry Clarence Winters, then reclaim my fucking life!

Ron

My cellphone pings, alerting me to another email coming through. As I read it, I almost laugh aloud before showing it to Nancy. Lindsay really thinks she's so slick. I can't wait until she figures out that I've been intercepting her emails since we've decided to let her use the computer. Taryn Charles emailed me her entire story after I had my investigator approach her, along with my attorney.

After the young woman has my grandchildren, she will have the ability to decide if and when she ever works another day in her life. As for Michael Novotny and his litany of complaints, I'm choosing to see how the court case goes, before I take definitive action against him. But in the meantime, I have already had my attorney forward Melanie a copy of Taryn's email for her records. Let me be clear, I never had anything against Melanie, although Nancy did. I find the young woman refreshing in that she cuts through the bullshit and gets right to the point.

Where Nancy calls her crude, I call Melanie Marcus shrewd. I only wish that she had been wiser in choosing a mate for herself than to pick Lindsay. She's my daughter and I love her, but I really can't stand the little bitch, much how I feel about Nancy at times. Oh I know, Nancy was raised to be privileged and that she was intent on raising Lindsay and Lynette the same way. But I originally had high hopes for Lindsay since she was always much more ambitious and talented than both her mother and sister combined.

The fact that underneath the serene exterior, she is as spoiled rotten to the core as Nancy and Lynette really irks me. Such a waste of brain and talent always has. Anyway, Michael is asking questions that Lindsay can no longer answer. I decide that the whiny little schmuck will find out soon enough what Lindsay has done to be permanently out of reach to him, and his brand of trouble. But I suppose he deserves one short email to satisfy his curiosity of why she isn't getting back to him.

Michael,

I have finally decided to adhere to my parents' wishes, and return to the life I was born into. I can't tell you anything about Taryn, since I haven't been in contact with her in many weeks. Melanie and I are history and she has permanent, irrevocable custody of Gus. The same will happen when the children are born. I can no longer jeopardize my future based on whims and wistful hopes, or fruitless dreams of being Mrs. Brian Kinney... and you shouldn't either.

Goodbye Michael and Good Luck,

Lindsay   

There... That should keep that mindless asshole from emailing Lindsay. Hopefully he'll go to jail, where he belongs! Lindsay belongs in a cell right beside him, but I think the hell I have planned for her will be worse... Much worse.

I look over at her charming the pants off of Clarence, whose secrets I know every single one of. No, my avaricious daughter is certainly not ready for life with Clarence Winters. I suppress another laugh at what Lindsay is getting herself into, and what she's going to find out about the man eventually.