Eric loves Brian. He honestly and truly does. He would not have spent over six years with him and decided to raise a child with him if that wasn’t the case. Life has been good for them. There are times when his eyes wander over to Brian and he can’t stop staring. It happens when he watches Brian working. It happens when they are making love. It happens when Eric wakes up before him and instead of getting his day started, he stays in bed a little longer just to watch his partner sleep. Sometimes when he thinks of how lucky he is to have Brian as the great love of his life, he gets overwhelmed by how intense his feelings for Brian still are after all this time. And when they announced their engagement tonight, he felt so fucking happy. Brian kept kissing him as though they were in the honeymoon stage of their relationship still and Eric couldn’t stop smiling until they put Lily down for a little bit upstairs. Despite how all over the place Brian was tonight, that announcement really had made both of them happy.

But that doesn’t stop Eric from still being pissed at him for being a dick tonight.

He is holding his tongue on it on their way back to the train station. Not only is it midnight already, but Cynthia, Lindsay, Melanie, Gus, JR, Michael, Ben, and Hunter are with them as they walk away from Emmett and Drew’s house. But what is really making him hold his tongue is the fact that Jennifer, Molly, and Tucker are with them too. Yet Justin and Nathan are very noticeably absent. He is actually concerned about that, believe it or not. He isn’t blind. He saw Justin looking at his partner and not paying enough attention to his own. It hadn’t made Eric happy by any means, but Justin had been nice to him. He had given a beautiful painting to his daughter and he was pleasant and engaging during the few conversations they did have. It had been Brian who had been the instigator of any drama that had occurred tonight. Brian’s acceptance to Justin’s forced invitation did not come from kindness or any wanted attempt to become friends with him. He did it to make him uncomfortable, just like he had when he had dragged Eric up to the bedroom. And Eric hoped that Brian didn’t try to scare Justin away when they announced their engagement, but how else could you explain Justin’s absence for the rest of the night? He knew that Brian genuinely wanted their friends to know. They talked about how they were going to tell everyone after Brian had surprisingly said yes without any hesitation. Brian had wanted to announce it the next time there were a big group of them up in Toronto. But then they were invited to Emmett’s and he had apparently decided to do it there instead.

He still doesn’t know what he said to Nathan, but he knows Brian way too well to know that it wasn’t anything friendly and casual. He knows that his fiancé is an expert on how to put people on the spot and make them feel inferior without even trying. That was fine for business. That persona got things done for Kinnetik when need be and Brian compensated by giving his employees bonuses, great benefits and medical insurance, and rollover vacation days. But it wasn’t okay to do at his friend’s Christmas party to someone who was technically young enough to be his son. It just wasn’t. He didn’t care that Nathan was the new guy or that he was Justin’s boyfriend. He didn’t care if Nathan had acted a little jealous over Brian’s presence. He didn’t deserve it. And if anyone knew the daunting task of becoming the new love interest to a man who already had experienced an epic romance, it was Eric.

Eric was very secure in his relationship now but that first year had its rough patches, especially looking back on it years later. Not only when it came to dealing with Brian’s more severe mood swings, bouts of depression, and lingering feelings for Justin, but also from Liberty Avenue. The whispers behind his back and the well-meaning warnings to his face about Brian’s heartbreaker stud status were one thing. He knew that Brian honestly wanted to change and he had to believe him on that. And Brian did change, both before he met the man and after they had gotten together. Eric knows that his place in his life had helped Brian grow exponentially, but Justin had helped him come a long way before Eric was even in the picture. He doesn’t know if Brian knows this, but he and Justin had formed a small but semi-rabid fanbase when it came to their relationship. Swooning men who had wanted to be in Brian or Justin’s place when they had been together had come up to him in awe because he had won over Brian’s heart after it had belonged to Justin for so long. One man had even said to him, “How is that even possible when Brian and Justin are supposed to end up together in every possible universe? They even end up together in a fictional comic book one!”

He had just directed him to Michael on that one. Eric really didn’t know much about alternate universes and comic books.

He knew how intense Brian’s relationship with Justin had been. He even truthfully told Brian that he was fine if they became friends with him. So the fact that Brian had acted like this tonight after being with him for six and a half years really did piss him off a little. And, like he knew Brian, Brian also knew him well enough to know that not all was well with Eric.

“Hey. Eric.”

Eric glances over at Brian and sees that he looks a little worried. Eric hadn’t realized it until that point, but they were both trailing behind everyone else. They were all tired and quietly chatting. Cynthia was pushing a knocked out Lily in the stroller that they had brought with them. They were just far enough behind to have a quiet conversation to themselves. Honestly, Eric wanted to put it off until they got back. His annoyance with how Brian had behaved tonight came back as soon as they were out the door and he had time to process the whole night, not just their announcement.

“You mad at me or something?”

“Let’s just save it until we get home, Brian.”

He could tell that what he just said was not what Brian wanted to hear. Brian’s pursed lips and narrowed eyes gave that away. But he managed to keep his mouth shut, even though Eric could tell he was dying to say something. That was surprising for him. Eric wondered how Brian would react to this. Eric had mental lists of possible Brian reactions. When he had to think about what might happen, he usually thought of the scenarios from most likely to least likely with examples that displayed those possibilities. Brian, despite his devil may care attitude at times, absolutely hated it when people he loved were upset or angry with him. Most people did, but Eric thinks Brian’s abusive upbringing made it so he secretly needed affirmation of love and approval. There seemed to be three possible ways he might react to it:

1. He mopes, but pretends not to be affected by it at all by putting his guards up even though it is completely obvious that he really is upset.

Example: When Brian and Michael got into a huge fight over Brian buying too many expensive presents for JR on her birthdays when Michael couldn’t afford to do that for her himself. Eric had mainly taken Brian’s side on that one. Partly because, as Brian’s partner, he was supposed to. But also because he knew that Brian did it because he really loved JR and that he didn’t want just Gus to get nicer presents and his sister not get the same treatment when it came to that. Eric had understood Michael’s problem with it though. He understood that it made him feel bad and question his abilities as a father when he shouldn’t be questioning that just because he makes less money. He had explained to Brian that this was what Michael was probably feeling and Brian worked on making it up to Michael and setting up a compromise.

2. He lashes out and hits below the belt.

Example: When Lindsay still refused to take Brian in a monogamous relationship seriously. Eric had caught vibes from her when they first met and a couple of times after. But it had been when Brian had brought him up to Toronto for the first time that she had really been awful by saying, “Brian, you had no right to bring Eric up here when you are supposed to spend the weekend with Gus! I understand you are going through something, but I don’t approve of you bringing some experiment here when you are supposed to be spending this time with our son. Oh. No offense, Eric.” She had said this when he and Brian had been together for eight months already. Eric had been shocked by the shit that had come out of her mouth. He knew that Lindsay was one of Brian’s best friends. He had heard that she had been supportive of Brian when he and Justin broke up for the first time. He didn’t know what to say to her. Brian had been pissed. He told her, “How the fuck do you know he is an experiment, Lindsay? You hauled away our son and you all aren’t even around me anymore! You know shit about Eric and you know shit about me! If this is how you feel, then expect to have a place in my life as my child’s mother, but don’t expect to have a place in it as my friend.” And the very small sadistic side of Eric was cheering when Lindsay had burst into tears and ran out of the room. It had been cold, but he thought that Brian had every right to stand up for himself. Brian spent that whole weekend livid whenever Lindsay was in the same room as him and eventually Lindsay was begging for his forgiveness and trying to spend time with Eric on her visits to Pittsburgh. It took a while but they worked everything out. He had seen Brian choose this method on people who didn’t deserve it nearly as much. But this had been the time where it had been really effective and most likely deserved.

3. He goes against his nature by getting openly upset with himself and doing anything, including putting their wants and needs first, to try to make everything okay. And he sometimes begs for forgiveness if need be.

Example: This didn’t happen that often. This was rare. It had happened to an extent when Brian had cheated on him earlier on in their relationship. But that had been caused by a deeper turmoil so Eric had forgiven him pretty easily. Usually this was reserved for his kids. One instance was when Brian had gotten really busy with the new Chicago branch of Kinnetik. On top of that, they had just moved to Chicago not even two months before and they had a five month old daughter who had been going on and off her sleeping schedule due to the move so Brian was getting no sleep and had no extra time to do anything. Gus, who had just started the 6th grade, was really missing his dad. He was calling sometimes multiple times a day because of it. He really wanted his dad to come up to visit him, since he couldn’t visit his dad in Chicago due to just starting school for the year a month before and he had no holiday breaks coming up. It was never officially confirmed, but Eric also thinks that Gus was feeling a bit left out by his dad since he was raising a new baby yet never seemed to want to raise him, which broke Eric’s heart because it was more complicated than that but Gus had been a kid so he hadn’t understood that. Brian should have been paying more attention to Gus’s change in behavior and newfound neediness. It would have been a strong hint that something bad was going on with his son. But Brian had been tired and agitated from working too much and having a newborn. He had a lot on his mind at the time and hadn’t caught onto it. After this went on for a couple of weeks and Brian had tried to gently let Gus down time after time, he let his agitation, lack of sleep, and guilt got to him which caused him to blow up at his son, something he had never done until that point. He said something along the lines of, “How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I can’t come visit you right now? I am very busy here, Gus! So you need to stop calling just to ask all of the time! I told you I would try to get there sometime soon and you need to learn to accept that as an answer!”

Gus had taken that hard. He started sobbing on the phone, hung up on his father, and refused to take Brian’s calls for days. Brian had immediately felt awful and was worried sick every time he called to ask to talk to Gus and Lindsay or Melanie told him Gus was refusing to talk to him. They asked Brian what had happened between the two of them but Brian had felt so disgusted with himself that it was hard for him to say more than it was his fault and that he had been an asshole. Eric remembers feeling so angry in regards to how Brian had reacted but when he started to ask, “How could you say that to him when he misses you so much?” Brian had been so sad and self-loathing. So there had been no reason to yell at him because he already knew that he had screwed up. Regardless, Melanie had taken care of that anyway when Gus had finally told her what all had been bothering him. She had called to give Brian an earful. Brian had taken it. He didn’t attempt to defend himself and looked like a kicked puppy during that phone call. Turns out, Gus had been getting severely bullied at school by a few older boys since the first day of middle school not only because he not only had gay mothers, but a gay father too. Gus had always been so sweet and sensitive and never even liked to play fight, let alone hit or throw insults back when he was getting punched in the ribs or mercilessly taunted by kids who were a few years older than he was and had hit their growth spurts and puberty already. To sum up the problem, Gus really wanted his dad to be there for him and to comfort him but Brian had been too busy. So much for Canada being the land of peace and acceptance. Backwards thinking assholes apparently existed everywhere.

Immediately after he had gotten off the phone, Brian booked tickets for the three of them to fly up to Toronto for the weekend. They had left the very next day and when Gus came home from school, Brian had been so upset with himself and told Gus how sorry he was. He told Gus that he had been selfish and horrible and that Gus hadn’t deserved that at all. He also let him know how concerned he was over him and that he had missed him so much. It took Gus’s anger at his dad out of his sails and he just lost it. Brian ended up holding and trying to soothe a hysterical and hyperventilating Gus on the couch, who was crying over missing his father terribly and going through hell at school. That reaction had scared Brian and it got everyone in the room pretty emotionally worked up out of fear and concern for Gus’s emotional state. Brian had been so worried about how his son was feeling that he ended up not going back with Eric and Lily after the weekend was up and extended his stay for ten more days. Eric completely understood that he needed to spend extra time with his son and go to the school with his mothers to try to get down to the bottom of what had been happening. Brian had flown Cynthia up to Chicago so she could take care of things at Kinnetik while he was gone. Luckily, Eric had decided to work mostly from home the first year of Lily’s life so it hadn’t been that much of a burden. However, not having Brian around caused him to notice how much he really helped with the baby.

It took Eric probably a couple of months to convince Brian that he wasn’t a bad dad to Gus just because he had reacted that way and that he had just lost his temper and snapped at him. It happened to every parent once in a while. Brian had beat himself up over it really badly though. He saw the effect that bullying had on some of the kids at the center in Pittsburgh. He kept having these horrible thoughts of what could have happened if Gus had decided to do something irreversible due to being shut down by his dad when he was going through something like that. Eric kept having to remind him that they were all going to make sure that Gus was treated better at school, make sure he felt completely included and loved by all of his parental figures, and watch out for any signs that might indicate that Gus might be having problems like that again. Brian had seen Gus pretty frequently before with the exception of the dry spell when Lily and the new branch came into play but he had made sure to go up to Toronto or fly Gus down to Chicago as much as possible after that.

On a little bit of a lighter note, another example happened a couple of months ago when Brian had one day where he was too tired of watching Frozen over and over again. Her obsession still stands and it has since Emmett had gotten it for her on her birthday in April. Brian ended up yelling, “No, Lily! You just have to let it go!” at Lily when she kept begging him to watch it for the 57th time. And, since Lily is three and didn’t catch the pun and Brian can be scary when he raises his voice, she started crying and pouting then wouldn’t talk to Brian for a few hours. She was still giving him the silent treatment when Eric got home from a meeting. Not being able to stand it anymore, he ended up asking her to play tea party with him that night (something that had Eric rolling on the floor with laughter then and still makes him chuckle to this day.) He also read her a shit ton of bedtime stories and watched Frozen with her twice the next day. He did that all because of a three year old’s ability to freeze him out made him feel so horrible about himself. Brian can be such a pussy sometimes.

“So, I’m really glad we told everyone tonight. It feels more official.”

Shit, is this a fourth method that Eric doesn’t know about? Playing off of what makes Eric so fucking happy to try to make him forget that he was pissed at him or something? It totally was. He could tell by the way Brian put his hands in his pockets and looked a little bit upwards with his tongue pressing a little bit inside his cheek, as though he could had just wracked his brain for a surefire way to get Eric back to his normal Brian-loving self. It is sort of working. But he isn’t going to play into it quite so easily.

“I guess.”

In his peripheral vision, Eric can see Brian look down sharply at him as though he was expecting that to work. Eric does feel bad, because he thinks that part of Brian is genuinely saying that because it really is true for him. And it is a low blow to say that, when Eric feels that way as well. But Eric isn’t perfect. It takes a lot, but he can get angry sometimes too. He can’t just forget how Brian acted tonight without at least talking it out first. But not here. Not in front of their friends and family and Justin’s family. He needs to take his mind off of it for now.

So, instead of letting Brian say anything more to him, he decides to catch up with Ben and start up a conversation with him about how his new position is going at Ryerson University. Ben had recently went from adjunct professor to one of the founders of the Queer Studies major at the school. The courses he created for the school were in high demand so they had taken him on full time this past semester. He was very enthusiastic about the school and did a lot for the LGBTQ college community up in Toronto, not only at Ryerson, but at other universities as well. Eric liked listening to him talk about what he had been doing because he would have loved to have had a professor like Ben while he was in school. Who knows? There could have been a teacher there like Ben when it came to being open and accepting of different sexualities but Eric hadn’t tried to look into any courses that focused on gay and lesbian people back then. He had only started to become interested in helping the gay community when he was in his late 20s and became really passionate about it when he and Brian built the center together.

They end up reaching the train station and luckily there is only a ten minute wait. They all sit next to each other when they reach the platform and Brian nudges Hunter out of the way so he can sit next to Eric. He can feel Brian’s stare on him and it doesn’t add to his anger, but it does make Eric wonder when his fiancé was going to try to start practicing his people skills outside of the workplace. However, he doesn’t want Brian this tense. So, without looking over, he reaches over and puts his palm on top of Brian’s hand and strokes it with his thumb. He feels a little tension release out of Brian and he feels Brian’s fingers move upwards to make Eric lace his fingers with his. He does it. He can’t deny Brian when he needs just a little bit of physical reassurance.

He and Brian stay quiet. Cynthia is on his left and they both have one hand on the stroller. Lily is still out cold. Ben is beside Cynthia and Michael is beside him. Since he and Brian are holding off having a conversation and Cynthia looks so exhausted, he listens to the conversations between the rest of their party. Jennifer and Michael are the easiest to hear so Eric just ends up putting his head against the wall, closing his eyes, and tunes in.

“Michael, it has been so great seeing you. You said your mother and Carl are coming here in a couple of days for New Year’s Eve, right?”

“Yeah, they are leaving Salt Lake City on the 28th and staying at the hotel in a room down the hall from us.”

“That’s great. I would love to spend some time with her while we are both here. You know, it is so odd that we didn’t know that we were staying in the same hotel. You think we would have ran into each other on the way here.”

“We just got in last night and did presents at Brian’s this morning. We had just gone back really quickly to take some stuff to the room so we haven’t been there all that much. It really is a coincidence though. But it is the best priced hotel in Manhattan.”

“It really is. Around Christmas, the prices are outrageous.”

Eric hears silence and then hears Michael speak again.

“Is everything okay, Jennifer?”

“What? Oh, it’s fine. It’s just…Justin and Nathan left without saying anything. Justin told Molly that he was feeling sick but I tried calling him before we left Emmett’s and he wouldn’t pick up. I know I was being overbearing by doing this, but I called Nathan too and he had sounded strange when he told me Justin had went to bed early because he wasn’t feeling well. Justin’s always been a night owl, so I just hope he isn’t feeling too terrible.”

Eric can hear the hesitation in Michael’s voice when he says, “I’m sure he’s going to be alright. It’s cold and he’s been under some stress with the gallery thing on New Year’s, plus it’s Christmas. Maybe that all caught up with him and he was just really tired.”

“I hope that’s it.”

Eric hears the train start to come with its loud horns and the screeches it makes against the iron tracks. It wakes Lily up as soon as it starts to pull in and she begins to cry, partly because of the sound and probably because she feels very confused about where she is. She starts calling out for Brian and immediately he feels Brian let go of his hand. Brian gets Lily out of the stroller so he can pick her up and hold her to calm her down. He holds her as they all walk to the train together and sits down with her in his lap. She snuggles against him and closes her eyes before the train takes off again.

Even though Eric knows they still definitely need to have a talk about what happened tonight, seeing Brian cuddle and comfort their daughter like that with absolutely no hesitation makes his heart melt every time. Brian was always hesitant to show his softer and more open side when he was around strangers and even around his closest friends. But when it came to Gus and Lily, that rule went out the window. He would show any strength and any vulnerability to comfort his children and make sure they knew he was there for them. He comforts Lily when she has a nightmare and will let her sleep in their bed when she gets really scared. He will talk to Gus for sometimes hours on the phone and drop anything he was doing at a moment’s notice to go up to Toronto to see him, especially after what happened over three years ago. He makes silly faces to make Lily giggle and reads to her in different voices to enhance her imagination. He is the cool dad for Gus but, when Gus least expects it, cracks a dad joke to make him cringe. It didn’t matter if anyone else was in the room or not. If his kids needed him to show a certain side of himself, he would do it. He remembers when Holly had been pregnant with Lily and Brian had been so scared that he wouldn’t love her at first sight because she wasn’t his flesh and blood. He had been the one to bring up Eric having a child and had given the okay to raising that child with him. But once it became a reality, Brian had been scared shitless. Oh sure, he tried to hide it but he even had moments where he gave in and expressed his fears over being a full-time dad. Eric had known that he had been the stud of Liberty Avenue. He was still considered a legend and would get looks of longing when they went back to Pittsburgh on business. And fuck, he was still a stud and a legend in the bedroom. Eric was just the lucky one who got to experience that every day. And he knows Brian is happy. He knew it in the small moments they had and the small gestures they have made towards each other over the years. And he knows it from the big moments. He saw his unguarded overload of happiness and joy when he first held Lily. He saw the love and tenderness in Brian’s eyes even as he scoffed when Eric decided to pull a cliché and get down on one knee in the middle of their packed up living room. He doesn’t think that Brian wouldn’t trade in what he has now for anything. He hopes he wouldn’t.

“So now you are willing to look at me?”

And yeah, Eric is doing that thing where he can’t stop staring at Brian. It happens at least once a week. He is still so far gone for this man that even when Brian acted like a total asshole at some points of the night he can’t stop mooning over him.

Brian starts staring back at him and it feels as though that they are both in a trance. Eric tries to read his fiancé to try to figure out what he is feeling right now but there are so many things going through Brian’s eyes right now. There’s pure love. He usually can see that and that is why he doesn’t doubt Brian’s feelings for him. But then there is pain and confusion and hope and annoyance and happiness and anything in between. Eric knows that some of those feelings are for him. He just doesn’t know which ones also apply to the fact that he saw Justin tonight. So he really can’t respond to Brian’s question right now because he has to sort through every flicker of feeling that goes through his partner’s eyes and Brian lets him. Brian just sits there silently and seems to be doing the same thing to him and they probably look absolutely ridiculous but neither of them take the initiative to glance away.

It must go on longer than Eric thought because suddenly he hears a voice from someone standing above where they are sitting.

“Hey, dudes! Neither of you are that pretty, you know. Didn’t you hear the nice automated voice saying, ‘This is 33rd Street?’ Well, she wasn’t lying.”

Hunter walks off the train and Brian and Eric quickly do the same, even though they don’t really have to rush since there is always a delay on the first and last stops on the line. They catch up to the rest of the gang and they all wish each other one last Merry Christmas and Brian and Gus make plans to spend the day together after Brian talks to a client tomorrow morning. Cynthia, Lindsay, Melanie, and the kids are staying at the Marriott at 49th and Lexington since Brian got rooms for them there. Brian offers to drive the kids to the hotel so the three women can take the cab that has just pulled over. After they see them off, they part ways with Michael, Ben, Hunter, Jennifer, Tucker, and Molly. Lily is in and out of consciousness and clutching onto Brian. Brian doesn’t want to put her in the stroller since it is getting colder and he wants to keep her as warm as possible. So Eric pushes the empty stroller as the five of them make their way down the street to the parking garage where Brian left his car. He is honestly glad that Brian brought a car to New York in times like these because he knows that the holiday train schedules suck and they are all tired and cold.

They pull up to the hotel and Gus gives his father a hug from behind his seat and Lily a kiss on the cheek. Eric volunteers to see them to the lobby where the women are waiting. JR hugs him goodnight and surprisingly, he gets a hug from Gus too. It isn’t as though Gus has never hugged him before. He gets a couple of hugs from Gus every time they visit each other. But Gus had spent the day paying a lot of attention to Justin. It had taken Gus several months to really warm up to him when they first met because he had missed Justin being his father’s partner and it had taken time for him to come around to his dad having a new man in his life. He has been close with Gus for years though and he’s glad seeing Justin didn’t seem to reignite any resentment within Gus towards Eric because he really does love the kid. In all honesty, seeing him with Justin had probably made him as nervous as seeing how Brian had behaved around Justin.

Eric walks back to the car and they drive home in silence. Brian gets Lily out of her car seat and they go up the elevator. The apartment is dark and they are both so tired that they don’t bother turning on any light except the one in the small hallway from the living room to their front door. Eric follows Brian to Lily’s room and they both tuck her in and kiss her good night. Eric heads back to sit down on the couch while Brian goes to the bathroom. Eric ends up waiting several minutes before Brian comes back out and they look at each other in the semi-darkness. Eric already gets the impression that Brian isn’t going to speak first. He is waiting to judge how Eric is feeling, even though Eric is wanting to judge how Brian is feeling. Some battles must be lost though, so Eric lets out a sigh and speaks first.

“I think you already know that I’m not all that happy right now.”

Brian stays quiet and looks away from him and down at his feet.

“I need you to say something about what was going through your head today, Brian.”

“I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know? I don’t believe that you act without thinking that much.”

“I was just…I don’t-“

Brian breaks off and pulls at his hair. He looks so confused, as though he is actually finally thinking about how he behaved tonight. Maybe Brian does act without thinking that much.

“Brian, I understand that seeing him involved with someone else was a big deal for you-“

“No, it wasn’t. I’m with you, so why would it be a big deal?”

“Be that as it may, it still was. You can’t fool me. But you did manage to hurt me a little tonight.”

“Well, it wasn’t intentional.”

“Goddamnit, Brian! What kind of answer is that? Not only did you act like an ass to Justin, but you managed to isolate Nathan, who is fucking twenty years younger than you by the way, so I hope you feel real tough. But by doing all of that, you managed to make me feel bad about myself. I should have put the announcement on hold, even though I feel so proud to call you my fiancé and I felt so in love with you when we told everyone. I will remember that feeling of pride and euphoria for the rest of my life. But today is also tainted because I will also remember how you used my presence in your life to make your ex-fiancé fucking jealous and that fucking hurt, Brian!”

Well, shit. Eric thought he had calmed down on the train. He didn’t know how upset he was until he started talking about it. And Brian, oh Brian. Going by the look of shock and guilt on his face, it seems as though he didn’t know how much of an ass he really was until Eric blurted out all of that.

“Eric…”

“What, Brian? Just say something.”

Suddenly, Brian is straddling him and sneaking his tongue in his mouth. He can feel Brian rubbing his ass against his crotch and, on instinct, Eric grabs the back of Brian’s hair and forces him closer, but then pulls his head away from his own because this is something Brian does when faced with a multiple types of problems: ignores the problem with sex.

This time it was obvious. Sometimes, he was more subtle. Like just a few days ago when he offered to bottom via text. Even though Eric wasn’t upset over him inviting Justin to lunch nor had the meeting gone badly, Brian had discreetly put the idea into Eric’s head beforehand just in case. Brian knew that Eric wasn’t clueless on his strange ways of appeasing him. He knew that Eric knew the reason. Not that Brian never bottomed without ulterior motives. It is something that Brian has actually started enjoying more in the last couple of years, but he still doesn’t do it very much. The times it does occur, whether the occasion stems from Brian being weird or Brian just really wanting a dick up his ass, the act is usually very sensual and loving. Brian is always so tight and he still isn’t completely at ease when he bottoms. Eric likes to show him how much he loves and appreciates him. Regardless, the fact does remain that Brian does use bottoming to his advantage once in a while. He knows how much Eric loves to get to top him and both of them will use that offer to their advantage from time to time. Brian knows how pissed Eric is and he hates it. He might even bend over the couch for him. Hell, he just might get on his back, hold his legs up, and spread his cheeks for him if Eric really tried to convince him. But, as strange as it may sound, that isn’t what Eric wants right now. He never wants to take advantage of Brian that way, just because Brian has a habit of being an emotionally stunted asshole sometimes.

“Stop. Brian, stop.”

Brian registers that he is being spoken to and looks down at Eric.

“I really need you to talk to me. More than I need to fuck you or kiss you.”

Brian seems to be searching for words. He looks at Eric, slightly panicked, as he tries. Eric puts a soothing hand on his back as Brian stays in his position on top of him, to try to coax something out of him. Brian get off of his lap but sits next to him as he finally comes up with something to say.

“I never want you to feel hurt. I fucking despise anyone who tries to hurt you. It’s why your mother and I aren’t on the best of terms. You know how I feel about you. I feel so much for you. I know I was a total cunt tonight. In all honesty, I don’t know where it came from. Justin brought out a lot of good in me back when we were together but he somehow brings out the worst in me too, even though he didn’t do anything to deserve it. And you especially don’t deserve to feel the way you do now. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”

Eric sighs. Brian looks so confused and honestly, Eric doesn’t know what is going on with him at this very second. It’s as though there are two different Brians at war here. Both of them are Brians that don’t emerge around Eric that often. There is the one who really is a total ass and wants to do things like make Justin jealous, even if it hurts Eric in the process. Then there is the overwhelmed Brian who opens up to Eric when he is fucked up about something.

“What did you think it would do, if not upset me?”

“I…fuck, I don’t know.”

“Did you think about how I would feel at all?”

“I don’t know, Eric! I said I was fucking sorry, alright? I am going to try harder to not pull that shit again and I will try to be nicer to Justin when we see him at his party.”

“And to Nathan.”

“Are you se-”

“Brian, you were a shit to him and you know it.”

“…Fine.”

“Alright. I guess that’s all I am getting out of you. Thanks for letting me into your head a little. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

As Eric stands up, he feels a hand wrap around his wrist. He turns to see Brian looking up at him and he looks so worried that Eric can’t help but feel bad about all of this.

“What, Brian?”

“Eric, we’re good right? Everything is still the same between us?”

“As long as you want everything to stay the same, then yes.”

“You know I want everything to stay the same, Eric.”

Eric nods and bends down to give Brian a kiss. He gives him one chaste kiss, but that isn’t enough so he gives him a second and a third. After Eric pulls away, Brian just pulls him back in for a deeper and longer kiss. They finally pull away and Eric walks away from the couch. He makes it a few feet, but then hears Brian’s voice.

“The only thing I would change about us is me. I would change how I let my feelings affect me. If I were a better person, I wouldn’t have acted like such a shit because I am so far gone for you.”

And Eric can interpret those “feelings” as feelings for Justin. He isn’t that much of an optimist to just dismiss the possibility. But what Brian said is enough. He knows that he is sorry. He knows that Brian loves him. That’s enough. They can figure out the rest later.

"I wouldn't change you."

Eric walks back over to hold out his hand. Brian takes it and Eric leads them to their bedroom.