Justin steps outside on the busy Manhattan sidewalk. Although he has been what one could call truly successful for the last three and a half years, he still feels a flutter of excitement and happiness when he gets a show at a prestigious and respected gallery. He has his own gallery he can show his work at. Once in a while he will. However, he built that for unrecognized artists. Justin had the money so he had thought, “Why not?” Running it had become almost as much of a passion as painting itself. Almost. Painting got him through a lot of shit on an emotional level. It got him through the bomb. It got him through his breakup with Brian. It got him through his abrupt breakup with Dean, who he had been the first man he had actually fallen more than just a little for post-Brian. Diving into his art got him through in a way only Brian had been able to. It even got him through his worries the day he took his dad to the airport.

God, that had been more emotional than he had been expecting.

Nathan had been so wonderful and supportive throughout all the stuff that had happened with his father. He had been surprised about that. Ever since Nathan’s mother died, he hadn’t had a parental figure since. Justin refused to acknowledge Nathan’s demon of a sperm donor as a father. Justin never met him but he was glad the man was dead. Despite the fact that the circumstances of Victor Hall’s death had been less than ideal and had affected Nathan’s psyche immensely, he couldn’t help but think that the monster deserved much worse.

So it had been surprising when Nathan had actually taken a liking to Craig. It was more surprising that Craig had really liked and approved of Nathan as well. They had exchanged phone numbers. Fucking phone numbers. He knows his father felt a small connection with Nathan when it was revealed they both had panic attacks, something that had been new and confusing for his dad but come on. Nathan knew the shit Craig had done in the past. When Justin brought it up after his dad was on the plane, Nathan shrugged and said, “I didn’t know him before but he seems like he really loves you and wants to know you again. People do change.”

And while he appreciated Nathan’s optimism and knew deep down his boyfriend was probably right, it would be nice to talk to someone who knew how his father was before.

So, since the meeting ended earlier than he was expecting, Justin takes an eastbound train then walks to Kinnetik to meet Brian instead of at the restaurant.

He knows he should just find something to do to pass the time but he is curious about how the new office looks. He had been there for Kinnetik’s conception and the fact that it has grown this much really astounds him. Actually, no it doesn’t. If anyone could pull off major success, it was Brian Kinney.

He walks through the office doors and heads to the front desk to be called up to the correct floor. Security is tighter here than he remembers the office being in Pittsburgh but that’s to be expected, especially with other companies in the building. He gets into the elevator, heads to the 20th floor, and steps off at the executive floor of Kinnetik.

He walks past suited men and well-dressed women and walks through the arch carved into the glass panels.

“Hello,” Justin greets the woman at the desk, “I’m here to meet Brian?”

“Brian? Well, aren’t you on familiar terms.”

“You could say that,” Justin smirks.

“You have an appointment?”

“No, I’m supposed to meet him for lunch but got here a little early. If he’s busy, I can wait.”

The woman laughs, “I’m just messing with you. Justin, right? I’m Malia, Brian’s assistant. It’s nice to meet you. Brian should be out in a couple of minutes. You can sit, if you want.”

“Thank you.”

“Want anything to drink?”

“No, thanks. How long have you been working for Brian?”

Malia thinks on it then replies, “A little over two years. I started with him in Chicago, my hometown. It was hard to live up to Cynthia, but I managed.”

Justin nods, “Brian has always loved Cynthia.”

“She does know how to put up with his bullshit. But luckily I catch onto things quickly.”

“What do you catch onto quickly, Henderson?”

Brian steps out of his office with a raised brow. Justin can already tell he likes Malia when she just raises an eyebrow back.

“Your bullshit.”

Brian shrugs, turns his head to look at Justin and say, “It’s true,” then turns back to Malia.

“How did those interviews go today?”

Malia shakes her head, “One girl was a nervous wreck, another was so chipper that you’d kill her before her first day was done, and the last one spoke too softly.”

Brian nods gravely, “Well, we can’t have that. I need another tough as nails assistant.”

“We can always go to the Bronx in the middle of the night to look.”

Brian actually thinks on it, “How about we save that as a last resort? I should be back by 1:30 to prepare for the meeting at 3. Call me if the building burns down.”

“Will do.”

Brian turns back to look at him and it’s the first time that Justin feels truly nervous by this meeting. Should he be doing this? Meeting with his practically married ex-fiancé/first love/the man who was his everything for a decent chunk of his life without the presence of either of their current significant others? He didn’t even tell Nathan. His boyfriend had been a little distant with him. Justin was pretty sure Nathan was onto him when it came to his conversations with Brian. He hadn’t been that subtle about it. Meeting Brian without him knowing was only sending a surge of guilt through him now. He needed to stop being a such a shit.

“You coming?”

He’d stop after he had lunch with Brian.

Justin gets up and Brian leads the way, popping his head into a few offices to request a few things before pressing the button for the elevator. As soon as they’re in, it’s hard to think of what to say.

“So where-”

“How’s-”

They cut each other off and Brian lets out a chuckle then says, “Since you’re here, we can go somewhere closer to here, if you don’t mind. There’s a good Turkish restaurant a couple blocks away we can go to. Malia brought some back for both of us a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been craving it.”

“That’s fine. I can eat whatever.”

Brian smirks and mutters, “Don’t I remember?”

The elevator pings and a couple of business men join them in the elevator. By the time the elevator is on the ground floor, they’re packed in like sardines and he has to remember that he shouldn’t feel a thrill due to being flush against Brian.

“How did your meeting go?” Brian asks him after they go out the revolving doors.

“It was a done deal, but they ended up wanting more paintings than I expected. That’s a good thing but it means I’ll need to be getting to work.”

“It’ll pay off. What date’s the show?”

“June 21. You are more than welcome to come, of course. Eric too. I think I may be able to swing it so Emmett can be the one to arrange and cater it, since I’m the primary artist being featured.”

Brian snorts, “You can barely get Emmett to settle down when he’s working. He’s moving non-stop. I doubt we’ll be able to talk to him much. But I’ll let Eric know and we’ll try to come out for it.”

Justin nods, smiling, “It’ll be great if you can.”

“Here’s the place,” Brian tells him, changing the subject as he gently takes Justin by the elbow to lead him into the restaurant.

The place looks pretty nice but it isn’t crowded at all. They’re promptly led by an older man to a table and they sit down across from each other to look at their menus. For the first few minutes, the only speech that is exchanged regards to what they are thinking about ordering. It’s a few minutes in when Brian asks, “So how are you really doing?”

Justin looks away and answers, “I’ve been okay. And how have-”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

Before Justin can answer, they’re interrupted.

“Hello! I’m Ahmet. Would you gentlemen like something to drink or an appetizer?”

Brian clears his throat, “You want an appetizer? My treat.”

“If you are wanting to get one, I’ll have some of it.”

“We’ll get the Mucver as an appetizer and I’ll have an unsweetened iced tea to drink,” Brian tells the waiter.

“I’ll have a coke,” Justin supplies when the man turns to him.

“I’ll be back with your drinks and to take your orders.”

“Thank you.”

Brian turned back to him and silently waited for an answer.

“I’m...doing better. I guess.”

“You guess,” Brian echos, his voice and expression giving away nothing.

“Yeah, Brian. ‘I guess.’ Nothing has really changed from what I told you before.”

Brian sits back in his chair and looks at him with expectant eyes, “Then why don’t you share with the class how the rest of Craig’s visit went?”

Justin lets out a sigh, “He went to bed and cried himself to sleep Sunday night, like I told you. Nathan ended up peeking in to see if he was alright but Dad was already asleep or pretending to be. I planned on pretending that I hadn’t heard him but, since he went to bed so early, he woke up at like 4 am. I was having trouble sleeping and I heard him walk into the living room. I decided suck it up and go sit out there with him. I didn’t really want to but I was worried. He was-

“An unsweet tea for you and a coke for you,” the waiter interrupts as he puts their drinks down on the table, “Have you both decided what you are having for your entreès?”

Justin clears his throat and answers, “I’ll have the Kuzu Shish.”

Brian doesn’t take his eyes off him as he gives his order, “I’ll have the Adana Kebab.”

“I’ll run that back to our chef and your appetizer should be out shortly,” the waiter assures them as he departs.

“He was?” Brian prompts.

“Huh?” Justin replies dimly.

“You stopped at ‘he was.’ What was your dear ole’ dad doing?”

Justin glares at the sarcasm, “Listen, I understand if you don’t want to hear about this. It’s fine.”

“I asked, didn’t I? That should tell you I want to know what’s going on.”

“Why? Why do you want to know?”

Brian sits there, being fucking stubborn and not answering his fucking question. Why should he tell him all this if-

“Because I care,” Brian admits, “I know this is fucking you up and you don’t feel like you can talk to people about it. I remember how he acted back then and I was a big part of why he ditched you. So if you are needing to unload on someone, then it should be me.”

Justin feels his eyes soften at Brian’s gruff concern and you know what? It must get him comfortable enough to start talking with him.

“He was sitting there in the dark. Just sitting there on the couch, staring off into space. I sat down in a chair and just waited for him to say something but he didn’t. So finally I just said, “How worried do I need to be about you going back to Pittsburgh by yourself?” And he just said he didn’t know.And then I asked him something else. I don’t know how I worked up the nerve to ask but it was dark. I couldn’t really see his face. I think that made it easier and I had to know and if it turned out to be the case he needed someone knowing about it.

Justin takes a hitched breath, “I asked him if he was suicidal. If he was at risk of trying to kill himself. He didn’t answer. It was pretty evident that he was. So I asked him if he had attempted to do that to himself yet. I had to ask him a few times and only when he realized that I wasn’t going to let it go he told me he had tried a few months ago. That had...That had been hard to hear. I told him to tell me everything that happened. At first he was getting all nervous and upset but I told him that he needed to tell someone. I think I needed to know. I had all these images in my head. He said that he had broken his arm in a few places last spring. He fell off a ladder while he was trying to fix the rain gutter on his house. It had been pretty bad so he ended up driving himself to the hospital with one hand. They put his arm in a cast, prescribed him pain pills, the works. I guess he only took the pills when he absolutely needed them so there had been a fair amount left over. They sat in his medicine cabinet for months. I guess he had days where he’s felt okay enough emotionally and days where he felt awful but in the summer he just began feeling worse and worse and by fall he was fighting to get out of bed everyday.”

“Your appetizer,” Ahmet says quietly before he quickly leaves. Justin is pretty sure he heard some of it but Brian keeps looking at him, urging him to go on.

“He attempted to kill himself in October. One night, he downed all the pills he had with a bunch of alcohol and went to bed as though it were just any other night. He said he woke up with vomit all over his pillow and the worst hangover of his life. When I asked him if he was relieved when he woke up, he said no. At the time, he had been wishing that he slit his wrists too-”

Justin breaks off and covers his face. Just for a minute. He doesn’t want Brian to see him break down.

“Justin…” Brian murmurs as Justin feels him reach over the table to rub his shoulder.

He needs to pull himself out of it. He came here to eat with Brian. He won’t put all this on him. So he takes a deep breath, rubs his face, and ties things up.

“He told all of that to me with a straight face, almost robotic. I guess he called Molly the day after he woke up and she drove up to see him, although he didn’t tell her what he had done. I’m so relieved she went. She usually avoids him at all cost so I’m glad she didn’t that day. Who knows what he could have done to himself? The rest of the visit was fine. He was weird about telling me all that but I tried to go out of my way to make sure had a decent last day. We went to see a show off-Broadway and to the transit museum. We watched the end of Nathan’s rehearsal and the three of us went out to eat. I took him to the airport on Tuesday afternoon and took both of us by surprise by hugging him. It was weird because I still haven’t fully forgiven him plus I haven’t seen him since he had me arrested. But...I don’t know. He looked like he needed it. There was a part of me that was like, “He didn’t give you the shit you needed when you needed it most.” But whatever. So I pulled him in and wrapped my arms around him. He was stiff at first, like he didn’t know what to do but when he hugged me back, he just broke. I tried to be strong and told him Molly was picking him up and to text me to let me know he got home alright and to let me know how his appointment went next Monday. He pulled himself together, nodded, and got on the plane. Molly was pissed that I had her pick him up. I haven’t told her everything but I told her to try to be kind to him and that he was in really bad shape.”

Justin looks at the almost forgotten appetizer and puts one of the zucchini slices on his plate.

“How has your week been?”

Brian blinks and shakes himself out of his silence, “Okay. A lot of it has been spent at work. I went home before lunch yesterday because Lily was sick.”

Justin feels a spike of concern at that, “Is she okay? What was wrong?”

“Stomach virus. She probably caught it from someone at preschool. It was disgusting but I didn’t want Jess, her nanny, to get it. And she wanted me there. Called me up, upset and scared because she was feeling so bad plus she hadn’t seen me in a couple days so she was missing me. I didn’t have much of a choice at that point.”

“Is she feeling better today?”

“Yeah. She’s not 100% by any means but she’s keeping food down. Eric’s staying home with her today.”

Justin nods. He likes Lily a lot. She’s adorable and seems to take to practically everyone she meets. She also makes Justin want kids of his own but he and Nathan haven’t talked about it.

“You’re a good father, Brian.”

Brian raises an eyebrow, “Because I went home to take care of my child?”

“Yes. And for other reasons. Sorry. I just remember how you felt like you weren’t back when Gus was little.”

Brian shrugs, “I still feel like I’m not equipped a lot of the time. I tend to talk to my kids like adults too much and still get annoyed kind of easily. It can be worse with Lily because we don’t have much in common when it comes to interests.”

Justin snorts, “She’s a three year old girly girl, Brian. What do you expect? You still love her.”

“Of course I love her. I’m just saying that I don’t have this down pat.”

Justin smiles affectionately, “I think you are doing a pretty good job.”

A small smile pulls at Brian’s lips, “Well, trying still does mean something.”

They are caught in a stare, just for a minute but it’s intense and Justin feels lost in it. For a very small amount of time, Justin feels like he is over a decade younger. He feels a rush of attraction and love and exhilaration, things he shouldn’t be feeling at all. Brian isn’t looking away either. It pleases him and it terrifies him.

“You meals, gentlemen,” Ahmet greets as he comes to their table with two hot plates.

Brian is the first to look away as he looks to Ahmet and thanks him. Justin manages to stop staring at Brian when Ahmet puts his plate down in front of him.

They eat and they talk about everything and nothing. At times, it feels like they are back in Pittsburgh with their relationship left unbroken. At others, it’s obvious that they have a long way till they get to know each other again. Radio silence for years has made them both grow up and the differences in their ways of living, both from each other and from then and now, is undeniable.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Brian says as he puts his fork down.

Justin swallows his food, “Go ahead.”

“Eric and I have a date set for the wedding. April 18th. It won’t be a huge wedding, basically just friends, family, and a few business associates. We’re having it at Solé East in the Hamptons and I was wondering if you and Nathan wanted to come. We’re sending out invitations this weekend but since you’re here, I figured I could ask you now.

Justin looks down so that his eyes won’t give anything away. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed down the unexpected sadness. He knew it was coming. He knew they were getting married. He was happy that Brian was happy, so he didn’t know why he was bothered by it.

“Justin, if it makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to come,” Brian tells him in a low voice.

Justin lifts his eyes to look at Brian and Brian looks like he understands. That whatever he says, Brian will accept and not question. But Justin is trying. He wants to be Brian’s friend. He misses having him in his life. He has since they split up. So he knows what he’s going to say.

“Count me in. I’ll be there,” Justin answers, forcing a smile on his face.

Brian looks for a lie but Justin is telling the truth. He will be there. So Brian nods and continues.

“Eric wanted me to also ask you if Nathan and his band would be interested in performing at the reception. I figure we’ll hire another musician as well to split up the time so that he can enjoy the reception. We’ll pay them well. If you want to pass the offer along and have him call Eric with his answer, I would appreciate it.”

“I’ll tell him about it and have him get back to you.”

Ahmet comes by with the bill, which Brian insists he pays. They both get up and Justin walks him back to Kinnetik. The walk is filled with little conversation until Brian gets to the revolving door.

“If you want to meet for lunch again or come over, just give me a call. Eric and Nathan can come too. Or not. I like talking to you.”

Justin is surprised by the admission and expresses just that, “Even though I was the one who talked most of the time?”

Brian shrugs, “You needed to get it out. I’m glad you did. One day the situation may be reversed and you can return the favor.”

Justin smiles, genuine this time, “I would like to meet again. I want this to work out. The two of us being friends, I mean.”

Brian smiles back, “Me too.”

“Maybe we can meet for lunch again sometime. I was planning on having a small dinner at the apartment on Sunday. You, Eric, and Lily are welcome to come.”

Brian thinks on it and nods, “We should be able to make it. I’ll give you a call. I’ll see you later, Justin.”

Brian goes through the revolving doors. Justin finally feels like he can breathe.

He gets back on the train and heads back to the apartment. He walks in and sees that Nathan is already home.

“Hey!” Justin says as he walks over to kiss him, “What are you doing back early?”

“We just ran through the show once and performed some of the songs a few times. I just got back a half hour ago. I figured I would just hang out until we have that set at 8. How did your meeting go?”

Justin smiles, “Great. He wants at least 15 pieces. I have some in storage that I have been planning to display but I’ll be busy.”

“You can handle it.”

Justin knows he’s going to have to tell Nathan about the lunch, especially now that Brian asked him to ask Nathan about performing at the reception.

“Hey, I need to talk to you about something,” Justin tells him, pulling Nathan over to the couch.

Nathan sits down next to him and glances over to him, “What is it?”

Justin lets out a breath, “Okay, so I met Brian for lunch today.”

Nathan stiffens at that, “Why?”

“Just to talk. As friends. He knows about the stuff that happened with my dad so he understands how confused I am about all of it.

“And I don’t?”

Shit. He shouldn’t have said anything. Or he should have said something before he went.

“You do. God, Nathan. You’ve been fucking incredible. You know how to talk to my dad in a way I can’t yet and were so supportive of me and I couldn’t have gotten through this past week without you. But...Brian was a big part of why my dad disowned me in the first place. I just needed to talk to someone who understood why I felt so conflicted.”

He knows Nathan is angry when he subtly moves his hand away from Justin’s.

“You know I understand shitty fathers. Better than most people.”

“I know that! I know you understand. But you met him and you guys actually hit it off. You spoke to him on the phone yesterday for a while and talked to him about how he was feeling. I figured that you might not understand now because you like him and are worried about him.”

Nathan glares at that, “I’m always on your side, Justin. Just because I met a man who was different from what you described doesn’t mean I suddenly think he was never like that. I know that he was and I hate how he treated you. I would have listened to you.”

Justin starts to flounder for words, “I know that. I know you would have. I just…”

But Nathan brushes it off, “Forget it. You want to talk to him, that’s fine.”

“Nathan-”

“Look, I get that he was a big part of your life and you want to be friends with him again. Whatever, let’s move on.”

Justin stares at him, trying to find a catch. But Nathan can be a great actor when he wants to be.

“Was that all you needed to talk to me about?” Nathan questions, starting to get up.

“No. Brian and Eric are getting married on April 18th in the Hamptons and Eric came up with the idea of hiring the band to perform for some of the reception. Brian told me to ask you.”

At those words, Nathan seems to relax. Justin had been expecting the opposite, really. He thought that Nathan would blanch at the idea of performing at Brian’s wedding but apparently not.

“I’ll talk to the band to make sure they keep that date clear and call Eric to tell him we’re in.”

Justin pauses at Nathan’s immediate answer as Nathan gets up and goes into the kitchen. Justin sits there for a few seconds but goes to follow him. He finds Nathan unloading the dishwasher and Justin puts a hand out to gently grab his wrist.

“Hey,” Justin says quietly, “You don’t have to say yes if the idea weirds you out.”

Nathan looks over him and a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes forms on his lips, “It’s fine. I like Eric a lot. He’s really happy with Brian and Brian’s done a lot for the band. What better way to thank them than perform at their wedding reception? Just promise you’ll save me a dance.”

Nathan leans over and lightly kisses Justin on the cheek. Justin tries to not let the idea of Brian and Eric dancing to Nathan’s voice get to him.