The ride up to LaGuardia airport ends up being relatively quick, despite it being rush hour. Maybe the pedestrian traffic isn’t as bad as usual or maybe it’s because Justin can’t stop thinking about Nathan’s letter but time flies by until he is in front of the airport, heading inside to wait for his sister’s flight to arrive.

The letter. The fucking letter. He had found it in the mailbox Monday morning and ended up staying home for a few hours longer than he had planned to. He knew Nathan’s handwriting by heart. half written lyrics found in open notebooks and partially crumpled napkins throughout the two years they were together made that easy.

Part of him had felt elated. Hopeful. Nathan still loves him and had expressed that more than once. He had known that he had due to the parting words they shared before Nathan moved out. He had smiled, laughed, cried, and felt frustration and anger while he read the younger man’s words. So many emotions until the very end where he had said:

I love you. I will always love you. And I love you enough to let you move on to a better life. You’re going to be a great father and make a wonderful guy really happy someday.

So yeah. That had frustrated him. It had also upset him that Nathan had dropped it off himself and Justin hadn’t even known.

So he had asked his sister to take a flight out today, Thursday morning, rather than waiting until coming in Friday morning. He was grateful for her agreeing to take the extra day off and paid the convenience fee for her ticket before bumping her up to first class, mainly just to piss her off but also because she deserved it. He wanted to talk to her. About the letter and Nathan and how much he fucking missed him. He wanted to gauge how her relationship with Hunter was going because god forbid she open up to him over the phone. And he knew he wouldn’t have much of a chance to talk to her alone once their parents got in.

And he wanted her there when they met with their parents. Both of them.

He thought about uninviting his father after the breakup. It wasn’t that he absolutely didn’t want to be around him, per say, but he didn’t want to be around his parents. Together. In the same room. Which hadn’t happened for god knows how long. At the time, he had wanted Nathan to have as many people there for the show as possible. His boyfriend didn’t have family and, since Nathan and his dad had strangely gotten along to the point where they talked on the phone from time to time, Justin had decided to bite the bullet by giving Nathan his okay to invite him up. Craig had immediately said yes. Whether it was because he was genuinely interested in seeing it or because he liked Nathan or he just wanted to stay on Justin’s good side and would take any opportunity to do that, Justin didn’t know. Maybe it was a combination of the three. He hadn’t been looking forward to sitting with his mother and his father but he had been willing to do that so Nathan knew he had a support system.

But then Nathan broke up with him. Justin doesn’t even know if his ex wants them there now. But he’s going anyway. He’ll put himself through the first Taylor family reunion in god knows how long. He hasn’t been in a room with both of his parents since he was twenty. It had been brief. He had stopped by his mother’s unannounced because he had been close to her condo. He let himself in and there was his father in the living room. Some conference regarding Molly’s superior academic abilities or something. Justin can’t remember. All he remembers is his father standing in the living room impatiently, waiting for Molly to get ready. It had been awkward but they were going somewhere that Justin wasn’t so escaping the situation without exchanging any words with the man had been easy. It had been a time where he felt sorry for Molly since she had to put up with that tense environment for every weekend exchange but he had been so obsessed with his own life at the time that he didn’t do much to reach out to her.

But now they were going to be here the whole weekend and he would have to experience the same tension. They were staying in different hotels so that was a plus but both of those hotels were in Williamsburg, his dad opting for The Condor Hotel and his mother and Tucker going for Pointe Plaza which was the more affordable option. Justin had wanted to put them somewhere nicer but his mother, and Tucker for that matter, always had a problem taking money from him. It might be a good thing they hadn’t agreed to it since he had been planning to put them into The Condor Hotel as well. Even though the two hotels were only a block away from each other, it was better than having them in the same building for the whole weekend.

Justin tried to clear his head as he stepped through the sliding doors and into the airport. He went to the waiting area near Molly’s gate and waited about a half hour until they announced the arrival of her flight. He stood up when he saw her, gave her a hug, and took a step back to look at her.

“Thanks for coming,” Justin tells her sincerely.

“I told Nathan I would,” she answers simply, “Even though he has only answered a few of my texts, I still consider him a good friend.”

“I know. I’m glad. And...thank you for agreeing to come early to help me deal with-”

“Mom and Dad?” Molly finishes, “Yeah, we’ll have to emotionally prepare ourselves for that. Lord give us strength.

“Molly, you’re an Atheist.”

Molly rolls her eyes, “I don’t know if I am an Atheist. I just don’t see how people are so sure that God exists. Now, come help me find my suitcase.”

Justin follows his sister to the luggage carousel and takes her suitcase when she points it out. With very little talk between them, they head outside to catch a taxi. Despite how the trips were a little faster than he expected on the way up, it still took almost an hour and a half to get up here. So he pays for the cab for the sheer convenience. They don’t talk much on the way back. Justin talks about how the gallery is doing and Molly talks about her students but they don’t talk about the real shit that they are facing. Nathan, Hunter, their parents. He know those issues will be brought up when they get back to his apartment and that’s the way he’d prefer it anyway. He’s sure that this cab driver has overheard conversations more dramatic but still. All this is personal.

When they do make it back home, they spend the first several minutes in relative silence. Molly puts her things in the guest room before coming back into the living room to sit on the couch while Justin sits on the other side of it. He feels it when she turns to look at him before he hears her sigh.

“Let’s see it,” Molly finally says.

Justin turns to look at her, “See what?”

She gives him an impatient look, “The letter, Justin. The one you told me about.”

Justin shifts in his seat, “I don’t know if he’d want me to show anyone.”

“It’s not like you are posting it online. You are showing your sister because you want someone else to dissect it since you have probably been obsessing over it since you got it in the mail.”

“He dropped it in the mailbox himself, didn’t you know?” Justin tells her more harshly than he means to.

“And you’re upset that he didn’t just knock on the door and hand it over,” Molly finishes.

“It’s just...I would like to see how he’s doing,” Justin admits as he stands up to get the letter. When he glances at it, he decides to look through it one more time to see if there is anything in there that is too personal. Okay, it alludes to their sex life once but isn’t super explicit. Besides, it’s not like Molly is a child. He knows she isn’t fucking innocent either. But then Nathan also implies he was a mostly a virgin when he got with Justin and, although Justin already knew the extent of Nathan’s sexual history, he doesn’t think Molly does. But he doesn’t think Nathan is ashamed by it, at least by the lack of experience itself. But he also talk about how broken he used to be and still is. He says that Justin had helped him so much yet doesn’t refer what had made him broken. So nothing is really revealed in the letter that Nathan would be upset by Molly knowing, at least Justin doesn’t think. He just needs to show one person and figure out where Nathan was coming from. Figure out if there was a chance for them at all.

“Don’t...Don’t ask too many questions,” is what Justin finally requests of Molly as he hands over the letter.

Molly gives him an odd look before gently taking the letter from his hands to read it. Justin doesn’t mean to stare while she reads but he needs a second opinion of some sort, no matter how juvenile that sounds. She’s right. He’s been obsessing way too much.

It’s awkward, watching his sister read the words his partner wrote to him. He knows there is some things in there she will be wondering about and probably a sentence or two that might make her uncomfortable. If he weren’t so desperate, he would be uncomfortable with her reading it.

As Molly reads the last page of the letter, Justin paces a little while he waits for any words of wisdom his little sister might have. She clears her throat after she finishes, folds the letter back up, and hands it back to Justin without saying a word. Justin stares at her, waiting for her to start talking, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Seriously?” he asks as he takes the folded papers, “You have nothing to say at all? I flew you up here for a reason.”

Molly shrugs with a sad look on her face, “I don’t know what to say, Justin. He seems like he’s in a really rough place. I’m worried about him. He doesn’t seem like he knows what he wants for himself. But he does want you to be happy because he loves you.”

“I know he does,” Justin agrees as he paces around the room aimlessly, “But he’s not making me fucking happy by cutting me out of his life.”

“I don’t think he’s thinking all that straight right now. He’s upset. He probably doesn’t see it as cutting you out of his life. He sees it as letting you go and not giving you a chance to tie yourself down to him and a life without everything you want in it.”

“I told him the kid thing wasn’t that important though!” Justin frets as he comes to sit down next to her, “I mean, I want kids. I do. But if it’s something he really doesn’t want then that’s the way it is.”

Molly shakes her head, “You say that now. And, yeah, you mean it. But what about in ten years? Twenty? When it gets to the point where kids definitely aren’t a reality and you let the opportunity pass? When there aren’t even the smallest ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybes’ and you finally have to admit to yourself there is no way in hell you will be a father?”

Justin looks aways and puts his head in his hands, his elbows propped on his knees. Molly gently takes a hold of his arm and leans in to speak softly.

“That’s what he thinks he’s saving you from, Justin. Because a desire like that isn’t really something you can easily compromise on. He doesn’t want you to resent him when you feel like you have truly made a mistake. That’s what I got from this letter. I don’t necessarily think he’s right but his heart is in the right place.”

Molly lets go of his arm and sighs, “But you could go the other way. Is Nathan worth giving those wishes up? Can you imagine not having the kids and grandkids coming to visit? You have to figure out if Nathan’s enough for you and if he’s worth fighting for.”

“He is,” Justin tells her firmly, leaving no room for argument, “He is more than worth that. He deserves to be so fucking happy.”

“And he’s worth giving up the idea of kids?”

Justin pauses, conflicted by the question. He’s always wanted kids. He remembers when he was seventeen and naive and he had fantasies about Brian proposing to him the day of his college graduation, Daphne agreeing to have a child with them, and splitting custody with her and Lindsay so Gus and his son or daughter could spend every other week together. Then he realized that a life like that with Brian was inconceivable. Well, he thought it had been.

“I...I really want a baby,” Justin admits, “But Nathan...Nathan is real. How can I choose a child who doesn’t exist over someone I really love and care about?”

Molly glances at him before patting him on the back, “You need to do what is best for you in the long run. That’s what Nathan is wanting to do for you. But whichever way you decide to go, I’m behind you. If you want to fight for Nathan, then great. If you want to have a baby then just call me Aunt Molly.”

“What am I supposed to do, raise the kid by myself?”

“If you go that route, sure. You’re strong. Stable. But that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. You could find someone who wants a child too, maybe a friend so you can co-parent. Hell, maybe you’ll meet a man who is a great person and wants to be a dad. It’s not like you can’t find another guy. I mean, look at you. And who would expect anything less? You’re related to me.”

Justin rolls his eyes at the last comment before letting out a breath and running a hand over his face, “I don’t know what to do. I...I just really want him back, at least as a close friend. But our apartment feels fucking empty without him in it.”

Molly nods and rubs his back, “I can tell you miss him a lot and that you’re really worried. I’m worried too. Even though I thought you guys made an odd couple at times, I really care about him and think of him as a good friend so I was upset when you told me. He...he said a few things in his letter that concerned me. I always had the feeling that something happened to him. Something bad. Was it something with his parents or did something-”

“Remember how I told you not to ask too many questions?” Justin interrupts, dodging her inquiries, “Nathan’s past is something I can’t talk to you about. Or to anyone else. He told me in confidence after I begged him to know what had happened to him. No one in his personal life knows except for me. I really wish he would tell someone else.”

“What about Petra? Nathan can confide in her,” Molly insists.

Justin shakes his head, “She doesn’t know either. I asked him to tell her a few times. She’s his best friend in the world. But he won’t. He had a hard enough time telling me.”

“Shit,” Molly mutters, “Is it that bad?”

Justin nods, “It’s horrifying. I don’t even know if I could say the words to tell you if I had the permission to.”

Molly sits there in silence and Justin can tell she’s thinking of scenarios about what her friend could have gone through. He didn’t mean to say as much as he did. He knows he had been toeing the line there and he hates that it is making Molly worry about Nathan but he also wants her to have some idea of what they’re both going through.

“I’m sorry I can’t help more,” is what Molly finally says, “I tried texting Nathan once to see how he was but he just gave me a really generic answer and thanked me for thinking of him. I don’t know what else to tell you, Justin. I guess be there for him and try to talk to him in person after the show. More importantly, figure out what the bigger sacrifice for you is or just accept that Nathan has figured it out for you.”

Justin could keep the argument going but the conversation would probably keep going in circles. There’s too many what ifs, too many decisions to make, too many things he needs to do before he figures out what direction he is going in.

“How are you and Hunter?” he asks. Going by the blank look on her face, he can tell it might not be going great.

“Fine,” is all she tells him as she looks away to stare at the floor.

“Fine,” Justin echos dubiously, “But you were so upset at the airport. You both are talking still, right?”

“Yes, Justin. We’re still talking,” Molly confirms as she stands up.

“That doesn’t give me much information,” Justin mutters from the couch. He should have expected Molly to be tight-lipped though. He tended to take more after his mother in terms of communication and expressing how he felt. He was more emotional and liked to talk out problems, have heart-to-hearts. While Molly would approach someone who was having a hard time and be there for them, she wasn’t the type to talk about her own problems or, kind of like he remembers their dad being before everything went down.

“It is what it is, Justin,” Molly sighs, “We still talk through Skype and on the phone at least a few times a week and text everyday. But I’m in Morgantown and he’s in Los Angeles. That’s how it will be for the foreseeable future.”

Justin can hear the bitter sadness in her voice and, even though he wasn’t a fan of his sister being with Hunter initially, he wanted both of them to be happy.

“Maybe you can go visit him? I can give you the money for a ticket if finances are an issue.”

“He’s busy with the movie he's working on” Molly answers, “He has weekends off but works 16 hour days. He wraps in July and starts the show again in mid-August. He's talking about leaving the show and finding a different gig but it isn't like there are any jobs in his field in West Virginia."

Justin thought about it some more, “Then what about medical school? I know you think that it’s too late but it really isn’t. Why don’t you apply for different schools in California and New York then go from there? Hunter should be able to get a job in either place-”

“Why are you pushing this all of the sudden?” Molly suddenly snaps, “You don’t even like the fact that I was fucking around with Hunter-”

“Yeah, and I still don’t want to hear about it,” Justin tells her, trying to get the message of ‘shut the fuck up and don’t say another word revolving your sex life’ through her head.

Molly shakes her head, “It’s none of your business anyway.”

Molly goes over to sit in the chair on the other side of the room and it has to make Justin wonder why the hell she decided to get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

“Are you guys fighting or something?” Justin asks her, trying to figure out why she’s being so defensive.

“No. I don’t know,” Molly tells him, rubbing her eyes, “He’s upset.”

“About what?”

“I told him we should see other people. Thought it would be for the best.”

Justin’s eyes widen, “So you broke up with him? I thought you said you guys were still talking.”

“We are. Or at least we were. And I didn’t break up with him. I just thought it would be better to keep things open in case he met someone else out there. I didn't mean to, but I really upset him with the offer. But his job is unpredictable and my future is unpredictable so I think it’s for the best.”

Justin stares at her for a few seconds before clearing his throat, “I still think you should apply to med school. I think you would be happier and would feel like you have more control over your future.”

Molly shrugs, “Med school won’t happen for at least another year, if it happens. I need to look into scholarships, grant money, save up-”

“I’ll loan you money for it,” Justin promises her.

“No. I’m not taking your money.”

Justin rolls his eyes. Maybe he and his sister aren’t that different after all. Hopefully she doesn’t pull the shit he did before he saw reason.

“You could ask Dad,” he suggests finally, “He’s never been low on money.”

“He pushed for the teaching route too,” Molly says bitterly, “More appropriate for a woman who has to start a family.”

Justin’s gaze softens a little, “Molly, I think he’s changed a lot. Realizes he can’t force goals on his kids. He’s accepted my life now, from the looks of it. I’m sure if he found out that you are unhappy he would be willing to help you out.”

Molly lets out a sigh, “I don’t know, Justin. I’ll admit that he’s changed. But he’s still not doing all that well. He’s...he’s sick. Not physically but you know what I mean. I’m not going to take advantage of him wanting to please us to get on our good sides. Besides, it might be for the best if I do stay where I’m at or even go back to Pittsburgh due to how he is right now. He doesn’t have anyone. He lives by himself, doesn’t have a girlfriend. When Madison divorced him, she decided to stay gone. Mason cares but he is in New Hampshire and rarely goes back to Pittsburgh to visit. He and Uncle Martin have never been close and the man lives in North Dakota anyway. I’m the one who has been staying there almost every weekend and driving up during the week to make sure he’s still going to his appointments and taking his meds. I’d like to think he is responsible enough to take care of himself. Usually, he is. But he backslides easily and goes into depression. He’ll act almost manic where he can’t sleep and he can’t stop moving around the house. He’s better than when you saw him last but it seems to be a long process. I’m not sure if it would be a good idea for him to be left completely alone.”

Justin feels a surge of guilt bubble up within him as he looks at his sister. He realizes things have been rough on her but he hadn’t realized how rough. Again, he had been more focused on Nathan and himself for the last few weeks and, before that, on his art and on Nathan distancing himself. He had worried and had tried to be there for his sister but she had acted like she had things under control.

“You can’t put your life on hold for him,” Justin insists, “And it shouldn’t only be on you to look after him while he gets more stable. If you end up going somewhere farther away for school then I’ll check on him a couple of times a month.”

Molly just shrugged, “We’ll talk about it later, alright? All this angst is getting annoying. I don’t want to talk about our parents, especially when we’ll be having to deal with them tomorrow. Both of them. And Tucker.”

“Don’t remind me. Are you hungry?”

When Molly confirms that she does have an appetite, they decide to go out rather than staying in. Despite the heaviness of their conversation at the apartment, the nice weather lightens them up a little they keep the conversation off of Nathan, the breakup, and the letter. They keep it off of Hunter and how up in the air things are between him and Molly. They keep it off of his father’s depression and medications and the fact that their parents would be in the same room for the first time in years. The last topic is really something they should touch upon and they will but probably not until later tonight.

“So what are we going to do if things with Mom and Dad hit the fan?” Molly asks after she takes a bite of her salad.

Or they’ll just talk about it right now.

“Ignore any tension until it becomes too much. If it becomes unbearable, then you take one parent and I’ll take the other so that we can go in separate directions for the rest of the weekend.”

“Deal,” Molly shrugs right before they high-five over the table.

“Parents coming into town?” the waiter asks as he pours them more water, “I feel you there. Mine have hated each other since I was nine. My mother wouldn’t even come to my high school graduation, can you believe that?”

“I can. It’s a pretty sucky situation, isn’t it?” Justin comments. He’s sure his dad wouldn’t have come if he hadn’t been in a coma for his high school graduation. Maybe Justin was wrong but he probably wasn’t.

“That it is. Well, if I could get you two anything else just let me know.”

“Check’s fine. You want anything else, Molly?”

Molly shakes her head, “No, I’m alright.”

“Be back in a quick sec!” the waiter exclaims as he heads back inside.

“That’s the best you can come up with though?” Molly asks once the man is gone, “Separate them if things get too rough?”

“I don’t know, Molly. We’ll play it by ear. How much have you told Mom about Dad?”

“Not that much,” Molly admits, “She knows about him contacting you upset and drunk and she knows I’m seeing him on a regular basis. I don’t want her to worry. Dad told me not to worry her with everything and that he was fine. Complete bullshit but with grandpa the way that he is-”

“It would only stress her out more,” Justin finishes, “I haven’t told her much either. I said that he was up here for a few days and that he wanted to get to know me again. That he liked Nathan a lot. I said that he wasn’t doing that well emotionally and that he was depressed. That concerned her enough and got her into interrogation mode. I couldn’t tell her how he really was though. I did say that he was talking to a psychiatrist but I couldn’t tell her about…”

Justin trails off, remembering that it’s very possible that his sister doesn’t know about the attempt his father revealed to him but within seconds Molly looks at him with knowing eyes and nods.

“Yeah. He told me in front of Tessler that one time I had to call her to come to the house. It was one of the main reasons I was so upset that Hunter felt the need to fly across the country.”

She goes silent after she mentions Hunter, using her fork to play with the remaining pieces of lettuce in her bowl. Justin sighs and puts a gentle hand over her wrist.

“Ready to leave? We can go wherever you want. Really.”

Molly nods, dropping the fork into the bowl, and doesn’t make too much of a fuss when Justin tells her he’ll pay for the check.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day turns into night and night slowly turns into morning. While they had browsed bookstores and visited Molly’s old internship after eating lunch before getting good buzz at Bedford Bar during happy hour, the night had been restless for the both of them. Watching movies had only done so much to take their mind off of things and Justin’s sleep was so on and off. He would dream about Nathan sad and alone, wake up, dream about Nathan when they were happy and together, wake up feeling well enough to go back to sleep with his guard down only to dream about his parents fighting after he came out. Then he woke up again only to dream about Brian, which had broken the pattern because that was apparently all the sleep he was getting.

It was only 6:30 in the morning but Molly was already up. That wasn’t much of a surprise since she had to get up early for her job every day. She seemed to surprised to see him awake but nodded, raised the mug in her hand, and said, “I made some coffee. It’s still fresh.”

Justin nodded as he rubbed a hand over his face. He took a coffee cup from the cabinet, ignored the sting in his chest when he realized it was the one Nathan always drank out of, and filled it up, not even bothering to put the cream and sugar in like he usually does.

“What time do we need to be at the airport?” Molly asks as Justin sits down and turns the local news down on low.

“10 am. Mom and Tucker’s flight gets in at 10:45 and Dad’s gets in at 11:15.”

Molly nods, “You sleep okay?”

Justin shakes his head, “No. Not really. You?”

“No. Hunter called me. It was after we both headed to bed. I think he forgets about the time difference every once in awhile. He was drunk so that didn’t help.”

Justin winces, “Should he be drinking when he’s taking the medication that he’s on?”

“He’s allowed to drink in moderation. It helps that he’s young so his body heals more quickly from the effects of alcohol. But he shouldn’t be getting as drunk as he was. I’m sure he’ll be fine but he should know better and I told him that right up front,” Molly tells him harshly as she taps her fingertips against the mug.

Justin can’t help but smirk a little at her protective, pissed off, know-it-all attitude.

“Stop smiling. It’s not funny,” she glares.

“It’s not. Believe me, I know,” Justin agrees as he puts his coffee mug down, “But guys are dumb, Molly. Even if they barely drink, they usually will when they are completely heartbroken. I called Nathan after drinking a bunch of Vodka and left him a drunken, emotional voicemail.”

“He doesn’t need to be heartbroken though,” Molly insists, exasperated, “I just told him to keep his options open since we barely saw each other. It’s not like I said I wasn’t into him anymore or that I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. I just think things might be easier. We probably weren’t in an official relationship to begin with!”

“He thought you were,” Justin points out.

“I don’t know what he thought,” Molly sighs, “He wants to be in a committed relationship with me. It fucking felt like we were last month...I’d want the same thing if it were reasonable. But how often does the long distance thing work? Barely ever. And it’s not worth it if you barely see them in person. So, while I still want to talk to him and do what we’ve been doing both in person and over Skype-”

“Molly, please,” Justin begs, barely keeping himself from reverting back to the age of seven where he would put his hands over his ears.

“-I just think it might be easier in the long run if we knew we were both free to leave, especially if someone potentially important comes along in either of our lives. That’s all. It’s not like I said anything had to change, but I broke his heart anyway. I thought he would appreciate the out.”

“Looks like he didn’t.”

“Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know?”

Justin chuckles at that and stifles a yawn, “I don’t know but how are you this talkative and loud so early in the morning?”

Molly shrugs, “How else do you think I wake up my students?”

Justin rolls his eyes and stands up, “I call dibs on the shower. I know you. You take forever to get ready.”

Molly waves him off, “Go on then. And hurry up. I have to do my hair.”

“God forbid you go out looking like you don’t belong on a magazine cover,” Justin mutters as he heads to the bathroom.

After he gets dressed and ready while Molly takes her sweet time, he lets himself doze off on the couch and doesn’t wake up until Molly comes over to shake his shoulder. They stop and get lattes at the coffee shop down the street before they hop on the train to go meet their parents.

He’s glad they decided to get there early. His mother’s flight is arriving sooner than expected. It’s not that surprising, since the flight from Hartford usually ends up being shorter than the airlines advertise it. She usually doesn’t bother with flying to New York, opting for the train instead since it was cheaper and only a three hour ride. But it was easier for her to fly in so that they could meet her and Tucker as well as their father. All of them together. Great.

“There she is,” Molly points, causing Justin to turn to look.

The two of them stand up and walk closer, waiting for their mother to spot them. Tucker does first and directs her attention to them, resulting in a joyous expression to appear on her face as she rushes over to them.

“Justin,” his mother says softly, putting her hands on his cheeks before kissing his forehead, “Are you-”

“I’m okay,” he lied, putting his hands around her wrists to lower her arms, “Thank you for coming.”

“Of...of course,” his mom finally says, “Are you sure that he’ll want us there? Don’t get me wrong, I would like to see the show and give him my support but would it make him uncomfortable?”

Justin shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe. But he doesn’t have any family, Mom. You know that. I want to be there for him even if I’m not with him.”

His mother’s eyes moisten and she bites her lip, “I can’t believe I raised such a good man.”

Justin forces a smile, “If that does happen to be true then I guess it’s also true about good guys finishing last.”

“Stop,” his mother warns, “Things might not be working out right now but they will, whichever way life takes you.”

“Yeah Justin,” Molly drawls, stepping in, “Listen to our mother.”

Jennifer smiles as she looks to her youngest, “How have you been, sweetheart?”

Molly just shrugs and, while Justin is tempted to rat her out and say she’s having boy troubles of her own, he doesn’t. Molly would get pissed off and now isn’t the time anyway.

“How’s your job and your students?” their mom asks Molly as Tucker comes back over with the luggage, “Tucker just hosted the science fair for the middle school. Yours was last week, right?”

Molly purses her lips, “Yeah. Over 150 kids participated and seventy-five percent of the projects were volcanoes. Absolutely fascinating.”

Their mother shakes her head and huffs out a laugh, “They’re little kids, Molly. They like fun projects like that. Not every elementary schooler can be like how you used to be.”

“I’m just saying that I taught at least some of them better,” Molly says as she rolls her eyes while Justin becomes more convinced that she needs to move on to a better suited career.

“I’m sure you did,” Tucker tells her, “And the ones who are more like-minded will eventually break from the mold, I promise.”

“I’m sure some of them will go on to great things and it’s all because of you,” their mom adds.

Molly says nothing in return, just forcing a smile that in no way reaches her eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” their mother tells her as she wraps her arms around her daughter before lowering her voice but not low enough that Justin can’t hear, “And I know you’re not fine. I’m your mother and I can tell something is going on so don’t think I’m naive. We’ll talk later.”

Over their mother’s shoulder, he sees Molly get an annoyed and pissy look on her face before rolling her eyes and backing out of the hug.

No one says anything for a moment and Justin can tell that his mother does, in fact, want to say something. She’s never been one to stay quiet when she needs to know something. She’s thoughtful, gentle, waits to approach a topic if need be, but she asks what she needs to in order to get to the bottom of things.

“So...when does your father get here?” she asks, tension lacing her voice.

Justin gets his phone out of his pocket and looks at the screen, “His flight is supposed to arrive at 11:15 so we still have another 45 minutes.”

His mother nods, looking down at her feet, “How has he been doing?”

Justin and Molly look at each other, not sure exactly what to say. They do not need to be telling their mother everything that has been going on with her ex-husband in the middle of a crowded airport. For her own peace of mind, it would be best not to tell her much at all. She’s under enough stress with her father losing his mind and his memories and, even though she has been divorced from him for over 13 years, she was married to him for almost 20. She loved him for longer. She had two kids with him and had a great relationship with him until Justin was a teenager. He knows that if she was under the impression that he is a danger to himself or feels completely alone, it would greatly upset her, no matter what bad blood remained between them.

“Guys?” Jennifer prompts them, looking more worried and tense than before, “You’re scaring me. Is there something wrong? Is there something that you aren’t telling me? Is he sick? Is he-”

“He’s...going through a hard time, Mom,” Molly tells her, cutting her off, “He’s trying to better himself. He’s trying really hard and has come a long way on his own. It’s just...some mental health stuff. I think living alone got to him and he felt a lot of guilt over what happened with Justin. Things got bad for him for a while. He’s working on it.”

Their mother’s face stays grim and concerned as she studies both of them, “What do you mean, ‘mental health stuff?’ What has he been doing?”

“Mom, not now,” Justin tells her gently, “Don’t worry about it, alright? Let’s go sit down and wait by his gate.”

Jennifer looks hesitant but lets out a sigh. She seems comforted by Tucker, who laces her hand with his, and it’s one of the few times Justin has been grateful that his mom found him. He’s not that close with him and probably never will be but they’ve gotten to a place where they respect each other and can have a decent conversation. Justin accepts him as part of his family. He has no idea how Tucker and his father will behave around each other and he hadn’t really focused on it. On the rare occasions that he wasn’t focusing on Nathan and how the hell they could get back to normal or work towards a good place, he had been thinking of being in the same room as both his mother and father again, but including his mother’s much younger longtime boyfriend into the mix just added to the drama.

They manage to keep their mother off the subject of their father while they wait. He talks about his art and the trip he’ll be making to Europe in the summer and Molly talks about her students but when the flight arrival from Pittsburgh is announced, all of them feel on edge as they wait to spot out Craig Taylor.

Molly spots him first since she gets up and and approaches the man who has his head down. She gently takes his arm, says something to him, and he seems a little better and more himself after that but it doesn’t keep his mother from gasping.

“Why is he so thin?” his mother asks him, distressed, “Y-You said he wasn’t sick-”

“It’s not a physical illness or drugs or anything like that. Molly was telling the truth when she said he wasn’t doing well,” Justin mutters, “He looks about the same as the last time I saw him in person. Don’t say anything to him about it, alright?”

His mother manages to nod as she stares at the father of her children making his way towards them with Molly. When they are just a few feet away from each other, the three of them stayed seated while Molly and their dad stand there, none of them really knowing what to say.

“Jennifer,” his dad murmurs finally. Justin can’t tell the tone. It isn’t filled with dread or longing or hope or anger. It might be wistful. Reminiscent. Justin could be wrong. It could be a stiff greeting or Tucker’s tightening arm around his mother’s shoulder might be justified. Justin doubts it but Tucker’s rare surge of protective jealousy is the first thing to truly amuse him all day.

“Hi Craig,” His mother greets in return, curious and still slightly teary because, despite all the bad blood and years of almost no contact between them, she still cares. That’s the kind of woman his mother is.

“How’s Noah?”

“He has his good days and bad,” his mother replies in regards to her father, “Some days he knows who we are and doesn’t have many mishaps and others he has more trouble. The medicine he’s on is slowing down the symptoms though, so that’s good.”

His dad nods and falls quiet again. Everything is so fucking awkward so he stands up, rubs his father’s shoulder and says hello, then leads his family out of the airport.

“We need to take cabs,” Molly whispers to him as they stay a couple of feet ahead, “He seemed to take the flight okay but he was pale. I know he won’t want to get himself panicked, especially in front of Mom.

Justin nods, seeing her point, “You want to ride down with him while I-”

“Would you mind if I rode down with Mom and Tucker?” Molly asks, “I don’t get to see them often.”

Justin sighs, “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll ride down with Dad.”

It’s easy enough to get his mother not to question it. They just lead them out to where the taxis are waiting and say they don’t want to face the train traffic like they did going up. His father looks around, as though he isn’t sure if he is supposed to catch a ride by himself or what so Justin sighs and puts his hand on his dad’s back.

“Molly wants to ride down with Mom since they haven’t seen each other for a while. You’re riding down with me.”

“Okay, Justin. That’s fine.”

Molly tells him she’ll text when she gets their mother and Tucker to their hotel so that they can meet up before they part ways for the ride. He and his dad load into the back of the taxi, Justin sitting on the left side and his father sitting on the right. Justin tells the driver where they are going and they ride behind the rest of their family.

“How was your flight?” Justin asks him, needing to break the silence.

His dad shrugs, “It was okay. Not too crowded.”

“Good. I’m glad. So you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah, Justin. I’m okay.”

“And you’re okay with seeing Mom? When’s the last time you saw her, anyway?”

His father puts leans his forehead in his hand, “Shit, I don’t know. It’s been a few years. I guess when Molly was 18 or 19. She ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and we drove down separately to be there. That was the last time I saw her in person.”

Justin nods and feels a lump in his throat all of the sudden. It seems that losing contact with your exes is the norm, even if you share kids together. He shouldn’t be surprised. He lost contact with Brian until recently, which had fucking sucked. He didn’t talk to his other exes either, like Nick or Colin or Ethan Gold, the prized violinist with a wife and three daughters. But the thought of losing touch with Nathan...that hurt.

Despite their own separation, his father must be able to sense that Nathan has come through his mind because the man asks, “Is Nathan back at your apartment or did he have to go to the theater early to get ready for the show?”

Justin pauses at the question and wonders why the fuck he would ask that until he realizes why. He didn’t tell him. He assumed Molly would have but apparently she didn’t.

“I don’t know where he is right now,” he finally answers as he looks out the window, “We broke up several weeks ago.”

He feels his dad staring at him and it’s so fucking uncomfortable. If this were happening ten years ago, he would deduce that it was because his father was hoping that Justin was reconsidering his orientation. But now Justin has to accept that his father might actually care.

“I’m confused,” his dad tells him, “I thought things were good between the two of you. You seemed happy together when I was up here. He called last week and never said anything.”

Justin turns quickly to look at him then scoffs and looks away, “Of course. He’ll call you but god forbid that he pick up the phone for me.”

“It was a quick conversation,” his father interjects, “He called to check in and I appreciated it. He was quiet but seemed okay enough.”

“Glad he seemed okay enough,” Justin mumbles.

“What happened?”

“We wanted different things so he broke up with me.”

“What ever happened to trying to compromise?”

Justin raises his eyebrows as he looks at his dad again. It’s been awhile since he’s heard him sound judgmental.

“I’ve been trying but he seems to think it’s for the best. He thinks that what we want differently isn’t something that can be compromised.”

“I’m sure it could if you tried hard enough.”

Justin snorts, “Well if you can come up with a way to compromise on having children then I’m all ears.”

His father blinks a few times, “D-Does he want kids?”

“No. He thinks he’s too fucked up to have them. He had a horrible childhood and he’s afraid he’ll become his dad. I want kids. I told him that it didn’t matter. That I could wait and if it didn’t happen then it was fine but he didn’t believe me.”

His father nods before clearing his throat, “Was he right, not to believe you?”

Justin glares, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Is that something you could give up and not regret?”

Justin looks away and shrugs, “I don’t know. But I’m not going to talk about it anymore with you. Thanks for coming and supporting him. That’s what I want the most right now, when it comes down to it. He doesn’t have a family so I don’t want him losing anyone he cares about.”

His father lets out a sad sigh after Justin shuts down the little heart-to-heart but Justin can’t help but embrace the silence.

His father insists on paying the cab driver when get to the hotel. Justin goes ahead and follows his dad up to his room to get him settled in before leaving to meet Molly, his mother, and Tucker at his apartment. Justin makes them all lunch and tries to ignore the awkwardness of both of his parents being there. A few hours later, they ride the subway into Manhattan. They opt to have a late dinner after the show, which is good because Justin feels too nauseated by his nerves to eat now. Nothing helps. It isn’t like they can avoid the subject of Nathan. That’s the reason why they’re seeing the show. But nothing can really comfort him right now. He’s comforted by the fact that he’ll see Nathan for himself but, since everything is so up in the air, it’s hard to find himself soothed by it.

It’s also not a relief to see Brian waiting outside. It might be if Justin didn’t have Craig Taylor standing right next to him but he does. He knew Brian was going to be here but he thought he wouldn’t have to stand right next to them in line.

“Brian?” his mom calls out, coming closer to the man.

Brian turns around and his eyes glance toward Craig before focusing on Jennifer. He gives her a smile and accepts a hug from her.

“It’s good seeing you again! And you too, Eric. I saw a few pictures of the wedding that Molly was tagged in. It looked beautiful.”

“It was,” Eric tells her, smiling, “We had a great time. Oh, Justin! I read that book. I really loved it. I meant to bring it with me but I didn’t know if you’d be here and didn’t want to accidentally leave it somewhere. I’m in Brooklyn all week next week so we can meet for lunch and I’ll give it back then.”

“Yeah, whenever is fine,” Justin tries to smile before glancing at his father, “This is my dad, by the way.”

Eric smiles genuinely because he’s fucking perfect and isn’t put on edge by awkward and stressful moments at all whatsoever before he reaches his hand out, “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Taylor.”

“Call me, Craig.”

“Dad, Eric is Brian’s husband,” Justin tells him because fuck if he can remember if he told him Brian was a married man or not.

“That’s nice,” his father says stiffly, which makes Justin want to hit his head against a wall. His dad was right when he said he would never be a fan of Brian.

Despite his personal life going to shit in the last month, Justin counts his blessings when he realizes that Brian has matured and changed too. A younger Brian might have tried to goad the older man but this Brian does not. All he does is say that Emmett and Drew should be there in a few minutes since they managed to get a sitter for Duncan.

He tries to distract himself by talking to Emmett, as enthusiastic as ever, while he keeps an eye on his father and mother, who both are still making him nervous. He’s going through the motions until he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He takes it out, presses the button to light up the screen, and raises his eyebrows when he reads the message.

This is awkward as fuck so I can’t
really talk to you much. Lunch Tuesday?

Justin glances at Brian and subtly nods. Brian gives him a small wink before turning to talk to Drew about Lily and Duncan’s ballet class and Justin just keeps listening because listening to Brian and Drew talk about ballet is one of the oddest conversations he’s ever tuned into.

The doors open soon enough and they go their separate ways. Justin and his family have seats in the fifth row to the right while Brian, Eric, Emmett, and Drew have seats on the left. When the lights dim and Nathan appears on stage, he feels his heart pound against his chest. He’s fucking fantastic. Not just with the music but in his role as Holden Clarke, a talented guitarist and singer who was blackmailed into marrying the main singer. For a while, he assumes that Nathan is too into his role to notice he’s there and he probably is. Nathan always got lost in his music and maybe he’s found a liking for acting as well. But then, in the second half of the show while Rebecca sings her song. Nathan looks in his direction and keeps looking for a few seconds before smiling, just a little bit. Even if the darkness makes it so Nathan can’t see his face that well, he smiles back and it’s filled with all the pride and love he has for him.

When Molly lightly touches his hand, he knows he hadn’t imagined the whole silent exchange that had just occurred.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the show ends, resulting in a standing ovation, the cast goes backstage and the lights come on for the audience. He needs to have a chance to talk to him. Alone. Just for a few minutes. So he looks around for any stagehands that he might recognize, spots one, and pulls Molly back.

“I’m going to try to go talk to Nathan,” he tells her quietly, “I’ll be out in a few minutes. Can you guys wait at the stage doors for me?”

Molly nods, “Yeah, sure. But are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Justin shrugs, “I don’t know but I’m going to try anyway. See you soon.”

Justin goes in the opposite direction as his family leaves the theater. Justin remembers the girl’s name. Gretchen. So he approaches her and clears his throat.

“Hi,” he greets her, just as she’s about to hop on stage, “I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Justin-”

“Nathan’s boyfriend,” she finishes, nodding, “How did you enjoy the show?”

“It was amazing,” he tells her sincerely, “I was blown away by everything. Look, I know it’s against protocol and I should wait outside but my family is out there and they are some of the nosiest people you will ever meet. Would it be okay if I could pop backstage and talk to Nathan?”

Gretchen looks around before nodding, “Yeah, I don’t see why not. You’ve been here for rehearsals before. Follow me.”

Justin thanks her, probably a little too profusely, before following her backstage and being led to Nathan’s closed dressing room door.

“That’s his dressing room,” she informs him as she turns around, “Nice seeing you again!”

As Gretchen goes back out front, Justin takes a deep breath and forces himself to knock on the door.

“Just a minute, Petra!” Nathan calls out before Justin hears him mumble, “Fucking stage makeup.”

Justin stifles a small laugh at that but his face becomes quite serious when Nathan opens the door.

“...Justin,” Nathan finally chokes out, standing slightly behind the door as they stare at each other.

“Hey, Nathan.”

He had so many things he wanted to say to him and he can’t remember any of them.

“...What are you doing back here?”

Justin lets out a shaky sigh and rubs his eyes, “Because I wanted to tell you how fantastic you were? Because I miss you? Because I love you and wanted to see you?”

Nathan blinks the moisture out of his eyes and nods, “I miss you too.”

“Can I come in? Maybe we can talk for a few minutes?”

Nathan hesitates but Justin feels such relief when the younger man opens the door wider and lets him in. Justin walks inside the dressing room and Nathan softly shuts the door.

“I got your letter,” Justin tells him staring in another direction, “I saw that you didn’t send it through the mail. That you dropped it off yourself.”

Nathan nods, “I did.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me those things in person? How you were feeling and that-”

“I couldn’t,” Nathan interrupts, “I wouldn’t be able to say the words, to let you go again, if you were standing right in front of me.”

“Then don’t,” Justin tells him, stepping forward, “You told me you love me. That you always would.”

“And that I love you enough to let you go,” Nathan tells him with a rough voice.

“Everything you said was about me. Every reason you listed on why it was best if we were apart was for my benefit. But what about you? You didn’t say that our relationship was holding you back in anyway. What do you get out of us breaking up?”

Nathan lets out a tearful gasp and looks away, “Fucking heartbroken.”

Justin walks quickly towards him and puts his hands on his cheeks. Makes Nathan look at him and only him. Not at the floor or at the picture of the two of them Nathan has tucked into the corner of his mirror. At him.

“Come home,” he tells him in a low voice, “Just come home, Nathan. I promise that things will work out. I love you. That’s enough for me.”

Before either of them say another word, Nathan grabs him and pulls him in for a kiss. One filled with love and passion and yearning. One that Justin fully reciprocates as they pull at each other’s clothes and breathe into each other’s mouths. One that results in Nathan pushing him against the wall and one that is stopped when Petra walks through the door and makes a startled sound.

“Oh my god! Sorry. I’ll come back,” she says, sounding baffled and in shock before quickly shutting the door.

Nathan looks behind his shoulder as his best friend makes her hasty retreat before staring at Justin and pulling away.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Nathan tells him, “Us loving each other doesn’t change anything.”

“It does,” Justin argues, “You know that it does.”

“Not for something like this. You don’t get it, Justin. I want you to be a father. I’ve never met anyone more qualified and loving and passionate as you are. A little boy or girl would be the luckiest kid in the world to have you. I’m not just giving you up because I’m afraid you won’t get what you want out of life. I’m giving you up because it seems unfair of me to deprive a kid of having you as a dad.”

Justin scoffs, “Nathan, there’s no child in question right now.”

Nathan gives him a sad smile, “But you want there to be. I know you. You’ve envisioned a baby in your head who you can raise and love. I’m not going to get in the way of that.”

Justin blinks the tears out of his eyes, “But I want you too.”

Nathan looks away, “I wish you could have both. I wish that I was more confident and wanted what you did more than anything. If I did, I would give it to you in a heartbeat. I’m not...I’m not built for that, Justin. Maybe that will change in the distant future but right now I’m just not. I’m fucked up. I love you but I’m incapable of loving myself. I need to sort my shit out. I’m not going to hold you back while I do it.”

Justin stares at Nathan and he realizes that he isn’t going to get anywhere with the younger man. Not for a while. He misses him so fucking much but he can’t change Nathan and how he feels, as much as he wishes he could.

“I still want to keep seeing you,” Justin sniffles, “You completely shut me out and it fucking hurt. I still want to be a part of your life.”

“I want that too,” Nathan murmurs.

“So come with us for dinner,” Justin tries to persuade him, “My whole family came in. They wanted to see you for the show. They still care about you, even if we’re not together.”

“I can’t,” Nathan insists, “I’m going out with the band and some of the crew.”

“...Okay," Justin sighs, "At least I asked. They’re outside waiting for you. They probably want your autograph. I’ll go out there and stand with them so I can get it too.”

Nathan surprisingly smirks, “I’ve already given you one.”

Justin gives him a small smile before pulling him in for a hug, “You were so fucking fantastic, babe. I’d be stupid not to get one.”

Nathan sniffles as he wraps his arms around Justin and they stand there for a minute in each other’s embrace. Finally, Justin coughs and pulls away, stepping out of the hug.

“I’ll see you outside, okay?” Justin tells him as he starts to walk away.

He gets to the door and, just as he starts to turn the door handle, he hears Nathan’s voice.

“Justin?”

Justin turns to look at the younger man expectantly.

“What about tomorrow for lunch? Will your family still be in then?”

Justin nods, “Yeah, they’ll be here until Sunday.”

“Maybe you all can meet me close to here? If they aren’t busy and since they came all this way-”

“Yes, of course,” Justin says quickly, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, “We’ll meet you here at noon, alright?”

“That’s fine.”

Justin nods, “I’ll see you outside.”

Justin heads out of the dressing room and goes back out through the theater doors. He sees Nadia and Sebastian already outside standing by a few of their friends, accepts an enthusiastic hug from Nadia, and goes to wait next his family as well as Brian, Eric, Emmett, and Drew.

“How did things go?” Molly asks, whispering into his ear.

Justin just shrugs. He isn’t exactly sure. Good in some ways and bad in others and he’s not any less confused than before except when it comes to the fact that Nathan wants him moving forward with his life.

“We’re meeting him for lunch tomorrow,” Justin tells her, “While it didn’t go the way I necessarily wanted it to, I am glad I got that much. He’s happy and surprised you all came. Grateful too. He wants to see you.”

Molly smiles, “I want to see him too.”

Emmett squeals when Nathan and Petra come out, always knowing how to make someone feel appreciated. While Petra works on the other side, Nathan comes over their side of the barricade and faces Emmett’s enthusiasm.

“Nathan, sweetie! You were so wonderful!” he gushes, handing over a marker and his playbill, “You better sign that so I can show all my friends!”

That gets a laugh out of Nathan as he honors Emmett’s request. He signs some of the copies on the other side before coming back over to come down the line. Justin takes Nathan’s sweet greeting to his father, Mother and Tucker as it comes but is surprised when he accepts a hug from Eric. He and Molly chat for a couple of minutes as Molly gets surprisingly emotional and tells Nathan that she loves him and to call her any time. Nathan seems to be in shock over all the love he is being given but manages to give Justin a smile when he makes his way over to him.

“You have a lot of people who love you,” Justin says as he hands the bill over, “We all think you did a great job.”

Nathan bites his lip as he signs the play bill and nods before handing it back to him, “You better keep that next to your CD. I figure it could be worth something someday.”

Recalling the words he said when he chased after Nathan Ash, Justin grins and takes the playbill from Nathan’s hands. Nathan stares at him with bright, loving eyes before saying, “See you at noon.” With that, he walks away from the theater and joins Sebastian and Nadia across the street.

He still feels sick to his stomach and doesn’t know where the fuck some aspects of his life are going, but he hasn’t felt this good in weeks.