Eric has always been known to throw himself into his work. Despite coming from an upper middle class family with a nice coastal home on the edge of Southport, a family who would have been seen as “ideal” had it not been for the way some of the lesser-minded (asshole) locals viewed his mother’s mostly indigenous Mexican roots, Eric has never been afraid to take on a job and give it his all. His first job had been only at 15, where he did office work after school at a construction company. Then, when he turned 16, he had worked at that same company as a construction worker, laying out floors, fixing roofs, applying siding to houses, and renovating kitchens and bathrooms in the summers and on the weekends, along with the office work during the week. He would often get shit over being a powerful lawyer’s son but he always was able to prove himself.

Now he doesn’t need to prove himself. He has already done that in multiple countries. So, since he put more hours in than he needed to and the designs and initial groundwork were finished on the future homes, he is done. Part of him wishes that he would have foregoed sleeping, worked even more, so that he could have just left when Brian did. But then he’ll go and feel guilty because other members of his team aren’t done with their part, or are just starting.

“We’ve got it,” Marcus had told him, a little annoyed after Eric had asked again if he would everything under control, “You’ve worked your ass off, seven days a week, except for two weekends. And even for the one when Brian was here, you kept coming in. So go away, Boss. Explore the city with your kid. Plan a surprise and catch a flight to Disney World. Go home. Seriously. You have been on site, leading and doing a lot of the labor. You’ve left more than enough blueprints and directives. We’re fine.”

So, after he rescheduled his return to New York for Friday instead of Sunday, something he decided to stay mum about to Brian in order to surprise him, the conversation led Eric to here, taking his daughter to City Park on a hot Tuesday afternoon, feeling a sense of confused accomplishment. Maybe he should take on something even more challenging next time. He will technically have the time. Brian is going to take the mostly stay-at-home dad role once their daughter is born until she is roughly six months old. Brian had grudgingly admitted that he didn’t want the baby raised by a nanny either and that one of them should be there during those first few formative months. And, since Eric had taken off for the first year of Lily’s life, it really is Brian’s turn this time around. Eric doesn't regret being there for Lily, he loves that he was there for all of those milestones and special moments, but he does remember feeling restless with his career on hold.

But as Eric watches his daughter’s eyes light up in wonder when she enters Storyland, only one part of the huge park, he knows what his most important accomplishment is. Building a skyscraper or a castle or a fucking city couldn’t ever compare.

“Oh my gosh!” Lily gasps, looking around the park, “OH MY GOSH!!!!!”

“I thought you would like it,” Eric laughs, ready and on her heels as she runs for Cinderella’s pumpkin coach. Eric takes her hands and pulls her up to help her inside.

“This is the most beautiful thing I ever saw,” Lily declares seriously, sitting down in the orange statue, “Will you take a picture for Daddy? He’s just GOT to see this. He’s just got to!”

Eric bites his lip to stifle a laugh as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“Say cheese,” Eric tells her, focusing the camera on her face.

“No,” Lily refuses, “I want to take a grown-up picture, okay?”

The little girl then proceeds to turn slightly on her seat towards him, cross her legs in a ladylike manner, tilt her head, and pout her lips, just slightly, to give her pose the desired effect.

Eric gives her a glare, “Seriously?”

“Take the picture, Papa,” Lily answers, barely moving her lips in the process.

Eric shakes his head and snaps a couple of photos, before choosing the one with the best lighting to send to Brian.

Brian must be at lunch, or at least has a little downtime, because his husband sees the sent photo within a few seconds and the typing ellipsis comes up.

Adorable. Where are you?
And why is she sitting like that?

Eric smirks and types out a message.

Storyland in City Park. She
wanted to sit like a grown-up

The ellipsis pops up again as Brian types a reply.

Aren’t you supposed to be
getting some work done?

Eric hesitates for a second, thinking about just fessing up to the fact that he is coming home a couple days sooner than planned, but ultimately decides to fib.

Decided to take the afternoon
off. Spend time with the spawn.

All Brian has to say to that is: Have fun.

“Papa, come sit down!” Lily demands, patting the seat beside her, “You’re the king and I’m the princess and I am gonna rule the kingdom ‘cause you are gonna go to retilermen. So I am talkin’ about how I am gonna change stuff once you are in a home.”

Eric is almost offended by that and, when he starts to wonder if that’s how it is going to be when Lily is an adult with her own family, putting him and Brian in a home, out of sight and out of mind, Lily starts her skit.

“Now, King Papa. I know you don’t wanna stop being King. But I have to be Queen now and you gotta go to a home. But don’t worry. There’s stuff like Bingo and cards and other stuff like that. You’ll like it. I have to have balls and wear nice clothes, you don’t want to do that anymore. It’s for the best.”

“Where did you even find out about nursing homes?” Eric has to ask, breaking the scene.

Lily glares at him for his lack of commitment to her skit but answers, “Daddy told me his mommy was in a home now. I asked and he said and he told me what it is. I am smart and find out things I don’t know. You should try it sometime. Now...let’s play!”

Eric is surprised by her answer. He had figured Lily thought that Brian just dropped from the sky as is and became Gus’s dad before he became hers.

“When did you ask this?” Eric presses, “I don’t remember him telling you about his mom.”

Lily gets frustrated, since Brian’s mother is not supposed to be in her skit, “It was a really long time ago! When me and Daddy went to the park and sailed boats.”

Eric thinks on what both Brian and Lily had told him of their New York activities while he has been in New Orleans, “Lily, that was just last week, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, see? A long LONG time ago,” Lily confirms, nodding her head before letting out an exasperated sigh. Before Eric knows it, she’s hopping down from the statue.

“Where are you going?” Eric asks, stepping down as well, “I thought you were wanting to play on here more.”

Lily stares at her father and shakes her head, “I don’t feel it anymore. You kept on talking and messed it up. Now, come on! Let’s go over there!”

Lily is on a high as she goes into the Old Woman that Lives in a Shoe statue, gasps at the sight of the fire breathing dragon, oohs and ahhs at the mermaid in the middle of the pond, and gets frustrated at the site of the Snow White and Sleeping Beauty statues snoozing away.

“Hello!” Lily yells into Aurora’s ear, “You can wake up now!”

“She’s so lazy,” he comments as Lily gives up on her efforts.

He splurges on the kiddie coaster that’s in the park, where she sits next to a girl who is maybe two years older than her but is ten times more freaked out than Lily is, who is just screaming with delight, rather than debilitating fear. When she gets off the coaster, Eric offers to stand next to her on the Merry Go Round but Lily shakes her head.

“I am too old for that,” she insists, before turning around to continue standing in line.

She may be too old for him to stand next to her as she rides the horse up and down, around and around, but she isn’t too old to say, “Hi, Papa!” every time she passes him on the turn while he waves back and snaps a few pictures for Brian.

She wouldn’t let me go on
with her. *sniffle* She’s
so grown up.

Brian only reads that text and doesn’t answer. He may be busy. Or he thinks Eric is being pathetic. Either/or.

It’s around 3 pm, a little over an hour since they arrived, when they decide to get a late lunch. According to the twins, Lily had some cereal for a late breakfast so he knows she is hungry. Eric had a smoothie at 6 am and that’s it, so he definitely is too. They find a food truck donning the words, ‘Crêpe à la Carte’ in a quieter and more peaceful section of the park, set up along the narrow winding street. The menu lists over fifty ingredients that you can put on your crepe so, instead of reading them all to Lily, he decides to go with a peanut butter and jelly crepe with bananas while he gets smoked pulled pork, grilled onions and mushrooms, and a gouda cheese sauce in his. They sit next to some old oak trees, on a round, stone platform beneath a sculpture of a man sitting on a chair right in the center. The meal is messier than anticipated. Eric has a hard time keeping the contents of his crepe off his hands and shirt himself, so it’s not surprising at all when Lily gets it all over her hand a few bites in. It probably doesn’t help that she keeps getting up and down to go talk to the sculpture about, ‘important things’ as she leans in close to it and whispers, sneaking glances to Eric throughout the process.

“Finish your crepe,” Eric orders, looking over his shoulder at his kid and wincing over the thought of her getting her sticky hands on the statue.

“In a second,” Lily insists, “I’m talking to Harvey. He’s telling me a secret.”

Lily listens to the imaginary words closely as she nods her head.

“Uh huh...uh huh...yeah! Yeah, that’s a good idea. I DO deserve it!”

With that, Lily comes back and sits down next to her father.

“So what were you and Harvey talking about?” Eric asks her if she takes another messy bite out of her crepe.

Lily shrugs, “He was telling me how you should get me ice cream later.”

“Uh huh,” Eric acknowledges, “Maybe tomorrow. That has enough sugar in it as it is.”

Lily sticks out her lower lip and pouts, “I was just telling you what he said.”

Eric rolls his eyes, “Come on. Finish up, then I can take you to a bathroom to wash you up and get more sunscreen on you.”

Lily takes another bite of her crepe before looking around thoughtfully.

“You are a really fun papa,” she tells him unexpectedly, “I like you lots. You do fun things with me.”

Eric feels his eyes soften as he reaches up to run his fingers through her curls.

“I like you lots too,” he tells her happily, “And I love doing fun things with you.”

Lily nods, looking at her crepe thoughtfully, “Did you do fun things when you was little?”

“Sure,” Eric replies, “I used to go swimming a lot...Abuela, Grandpa, and Uncle George taught me when I was really young. The bay that goes out into the ocean? It’s right in Abuela and Grandpa’s backyard. Do you remember what their house looks like from when we went down for a weekend in January after Carlos was born?”

Lily thinks for a second, then shrugs, “A little. We stayed by Aunt Amanda’s though. How come?”

“Because she lives a couple hours away,” he replies, leaving out the fact that part of him is nervous about going home nowadays, “It was easier to see Carlos and Julian if we stayed near her. We drove down for a few hours that Saturday though.”

Lily stays quiet for a second before turning her body a little more to face him, “Tell me more about when you were little like me.”

“I thought you weren’t little,” Eric teases.

Lily rolls her eyes and moves her shoulders up and down, “I’m littler than you!”

“That’s true,” Eric has to admit.

Lily doesn’t answer that. She just waits there patiently, wanting to hear more about his life. Something that is odd and out of place for his daughter but incredibly endearing. So, despite his efforts to not think about his past, because the many good moments were almost as painful as the bad when he now looks back, he puts an arm around her, pulls her into his side, and begins to speak.

“My dad...your grandpa. He used to take me out in his sailboat. He bought it when I was about four years old, same age as you. But I remember pretty vividly how excited he was to show me and George. We had a long dock, they still have it. It went way out into the bay. He had it parked near the end. I remember George making me hold his hand so I wouldn’t fall in and I was mad because I knew how to swim so what was the worst that could happen? But George, despite being laid back and a bit flaky, despite teasing me when I was little and the two of us being completely different once we were older...he was protective of me. He still is. He probably would never admit it because our dad always told him to watch after me and he never really liked to listen to him. But he did when it came to that.”

Eric knows he is getting off track and he’s expecting Lily to lose interest. He would understand. Most four year olds aren’t known for their attention spans. But she proves him wrong as she sits there, silently, waiting for him to continue.

“He took us to the end of the dock. I remember getting so excited, jumping up and down, wanting to get in the boat. My dad had laughed and ruffled my hair, telling me he would after he showed the boat to mom. He had her name printed on the side, Luisa. Named the boat after her. He loved her so much. He still does. His parents, my grandparents, didn’t like that he was with her but he fell in love with her in high school and married her right after they graduated. They eloped. His family more or less kept their distance after that,” he admits to her.

“How come?” Lily asks, tilting her head, “Is it because she’s mean?”

Eric snorts, “No. No, it’s not because she’s mean. My dad’s family is old south, old money. I don’t expect you to understand that. And I don’t expect you to understand that they only wanted him to be with someone who looked a certain way.”

Lily gives him a strange look, “That’s silly. Abuela is old but she is pretty.”

“Oh, she was beautiful,” Eric agrees, “I bet I had the prettiest mom in the whole state. And, when I was younger...she was the most loving.”

Eric is really thankful for Lily not catching onto the knot in his throat, causing him to go silent. Instead, she keeps the topic on point.

“Did you go sailboating when Abuela came home?” Lily presses.

“...We did,” Eric answers, recalling the memory and letting out a sad laugh, “My mom was always a penny pincher. She didn’t grow up with the money she had after she and my dad got their careers in order. She was upset that he bought it because there were more important things to put that money towards. But when he took us all out and he showed her the boat and she saw her name, her eyes lit up and you could tell she was so touched. My dad had made sandwiches and filled up the cooler with soda, water, and juice. My mom checked my lifejacket at least three times and held me in her lap as we took off from the dock and we watched the sunset as we ate our dinner. ...Then I went fishing for the first time after. The biggest fish took a hold of my line and my dad had to help me get it onto the boat. I was so happy and proud. My mom took a picture of us. My dad used to have it in his office.”

“Does he still have it?” Lily asks, “You and Daddy have pictures of me at your jobs.”

“We do,” Eric confirms, “I don’t know if your grandpa has that picture still.”

“Is he in retilermen?” Lily questions.

Eric chuckles at that, “Nah. The old man is in great shape and a handsome devil still. He still has the judges wrapped around his finger. He’s about 66 now. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept going for another 10 years.”

“Then he’ll be really REALLY old!” Lily exclaims, nodding her head with each ‘really,’ “Tell me more stuff.”

“More stuff?” Eric asks, giving her an odd look, “Why do you want to know so bad?”

“I just do,” Lily shrugs, “I ask questions when I don’t know stuff. You should-”

“Try it sometime,” Eric finishes with her with a scoff, “Alright. When I was 5, my mom and dad took me and Uncle George to Nashville on vacation. We were maybe two hours into a ten hour drive when I asked where my stuffed elephant was. It was an ugly thing, but I loved it and carried it around a lot. I kept asking and my dad ended up pulling over so my mom could try to see if she packed it in a suitcase. It wasn’t there and I cried for nonstop and I am pretty sure George hated the fact he wasn’t an only child anymore. My dad was trying to get me to man up but, an hour in, he and my mom decided to turn around the car and drive back to the house to get it before heading back out again. My dad and brother were both so angry.”

“Duncan cries sometimes when he forgets his bear,” Lily tells him, something Eric already knows from personal experience, “He likes it a lot and never wants to lose it, ever ever ever. Do you still have your elephant?”

“Ellie?” Eric asks, “No...No, she ended up in a box in the attic by the time I was older.”

“Our attic?” Lily asks, “I want her right when we get back!”

“No, Abuela and Grandpa’s attic.”

“Oh,” Lily sighs, disappointed, before perking up, “You should go get her!”

Eric gives her a sad smile, “I don’t even know if she is still there, baby.”

“I’m not a baby,” Lily insists, standing up on the stone proudly, “You should get her for me and my baby sister. She should be with us. She’ll be happier if she has kids to play with, especially girls. Because you were a boy so me and my baby sister will take good care of her.”

Eric stares at Lily’s serious expression for a moment before standing up and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he says softly into her hair.

“Okay,” Lily answers, holding out her sticky hands, waiting for them to be wiped.

Eric does the best he can with the small pack of wipes he has in his pocket but decides it isn’t enough. He puts a hand on her back and looks around for a bathroom but can’t find one, even though they walk a bit in the process.

“You don’t have to go, do you?” Eric asks her.

“Nope,” Lily confirms.

Eric looks around one more time, making sure no one is close by, before taking her over to a fountain out in the center of the field.

“Quick, bend over the ledge,” Eric whispers, groaning inwardly about what he’s doing.

Lily gasps as she jumps up and down, “Can I swim? Papa. PAPA. Can I swim?”

“No,” he tells her, “We can go swim at the hotel later. I am just rinsing your hands and face off in here. This is not something you should do.”

“Then why are we doing it?” Lily asks, confused.

“Because you are all sticky and need to cool off a little anyway. Now, come on, quick!”

Lily stays still as he cups water in his hands and pours it on her chin, scrubbing the mess off her face, before taking her hands in the water and rubbing them together, effectively getting rid of the jam and peanut butter sticking to her fingers. When she’s done, he gets another wipe, rubs her hands and face with it, before feeling finally satisfied and reapplying her sunscreen.

“Don’t worry, Papa,” she tells him after, “I won’t tell that you broke the law.”

“Thanks,” he sighs, taking her hand once more, “Anywhere else you want to go to? We can go to the playground. Or the botanical garden. It’s pretty.”

“What is it?” Lily asks curiously.

“It has a lot of pretty flowers, sculptures, fountains, and bridges.”

Lily nods and surprisingly says, “Okay, let’s go there.”

“Really?” Eric questions, baffled that she wouldn’t want to go the playground, “How come you want to go there?”

“Beeeccccaauuussseee…” Lily drawls out, “We gotta talk some more! I got more questions to ask you. This is ‘portant. Playgrounds get really loud because of babies and stuff. I am not a baby. We can talk like grown-ups in the garden. Did you ever make a garden when you were little? You said we will when we get back home.”

Eric pauses for a second, wondering why she is on his case about his childhood. Does she wonder why his parents don’t come around much? Does she want to know them? Maybe he hasn’t shared enough about himself with her and she is feeling like she wants to know him better.

Whatever it is, it gets him talking. He tells her about helping his mom grow vegetables, fruits, and flowers, only to go on and tell her about going hiking with his dad. He tells her about what it was like after Amanda was born and how his mom made sure to spend time with her boys. He tells her about his parents renewing their vows when he was 11 and how he and George were both his dad’s best men while Amanda was his mom’s flower girl.

And fuck, talking about all the good times, because the bad hadn’t come until he was an adult...it makes him miss them so much.

And that isn’t out of the norm. While he’s grateful for what he has, a fantastic husband who is a great lay, a spunky and intelligent daughter, another little girl on the way...he can’t help but think back to when he had played a different part of this other perfect family. A loving family. A fun family. One that was religious but not overly so.

Unless when it came to their son being gay, that is.

Usually he can push the thoughts out of his head. Just shove them under some mental rug and go about his day. But there are some days where he gets so down about it. Where he dwells on the fact that they wouldn’t come to his wedding. It had been harder to accept that from his mom. At least with his dad, they had trouble seeing eye to eye once he hit his teens. It is still hard to believe that the mother who sang him Spanish lullabies, taught him how to cook, encouraged his passion for architecture, and stood up, cried, and cheered after his valedictorian speech had said such harsh words to him about the fact he was parenting with Brian as well as marrying him.

About his new life all together.

He wants both. At times like this, he wants it desperately. He wants to bring his husband, his daughters, and his stepson to their home on Christmas morning. He wants help his mom cook while his dad talks with Brian and Gus, joking with them like would with any of the family. He wants to exchange gifts and watch his father’s eyes light up at the new golf clubs, instead of just receiving a cordial five minute thank you call with the inquiry of whether Lily and Eric liked their gifts too.

And doesn’t only want Christmas. If things were different, he would take Brian down there for the 4th of July, watch the fireworks over the bay on the dock, kiss under the smoky sky. He wants his parents to show Brian the good family and upbringing Eric had growing up, something Brian has yet to witness any corresponding evidence to. He wants them to show Brian the love and acceptance they eventually showed Amanda’s husband.

He tries to push it out of his mind and enjoy the day with his daughter but, even when she stops asking questions about his childhood and she is focusing on being a rambunctious child herself, he can’t manage to bring himself out of it. Even when he takes her back to the suite, swims with her in the pool, and bathes her before getting ready for an 8 o’clock dinner, he is still reminded about the things his parents did with him. He does get distracted from the angst, albeit briefly, once they walk a block towards the planned vegetarian restaurant that Eric thought may make up for the crepes. But that's due to Lily starting to cry because her feet hurt and she’s fucking exhausted. He picks her up and carries her back to the suite after that, opting to get room service and tuck her in next to him so that she can pick out a pay-per-view movie on the kid’s channel. She opts for some dubbed Japanese movie from 1989, something called Kiki’s Delivery Service. Eric hadn’t been sure she would like it but she keeps her eyes on the screen and seems to be enjoying it enough, even though she is too tired to strongly react to any surprising or upsetting scenes. When the food comes, she focuses on the easy to eat finger foods like Eric expected, slowly sitting up to eat them. Grapes, raw carrots and celery, and a couple of fish sticks before she announces that she’s full and wants to brush her teeth and use the bathroom now. Eric pauses the movie, makes sure she’s ready to settle down for the evening, and relents when she asks him sweetly if she can stay in his bed for the night instead of the one in the adjacent room.

As she cuddles into his side and falls asleep during the credits, his mind wanders back to his parents. Despite flipping through a book and through channels, he can’t stop thinking about the past. When he finally does sleep, he even dreams something jarring, where they are the parents he loved and grew up with, only to become hateful, then only to fill him with hope that everything might be okay.

When he wakes up Wednesday morning, he makes sure Lily sees the Saint Louis Cathedral in Jackson Square, due to its grand beauty. He thinks about lighting a candle but just lets her light one instead with close supervision. He takes her on the trolley, where she waves hello to all different types of people. He lets a street artist paint a portrait of her, takes her to the children’s museum, and they eat great food in between.

And, at midnight, a couple of hours after he’s talked to Brian, putting a performance on to convince him everything is alright, he knows that the thoughts are staying in his head until he does something about it.

So, after he packs his and Lily’s bags and calls the 24/7 car rental service to extend the number of days on his rarely used temporary vehicle, he packs up the car, gently maneuvers his sleeping daughter from the bed into his arms, checks out of the hotel, gets Lily into her car seat without disturbing her, and starts driving towards Southport, North Carolina.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eric realizes that he may have not been completely sane when he decided to drive over over 12 hours to his hometown. Adrenaline and nerves are probably the only things that are keeping him from getting too tired to drive. Lily has only woken up once so far, about five hours in, right when they went over the Alabama state line into Georgia. She had been tired, confused, cranky, and, when she asked where he was driving to, all he had said was, “We’re going to go get Ellie.”

That had strangely placated her and lulled her back into the deep sleep she needed after an eventful few days.

He feels guilty knowing that he’s dragging his daughter along with him on such a long trip. She doesn’t deserve to put up with his temporary mental break. He is reminded how shitty he is being when he gets a text from Brian a little after 8 am, one that he waits to read until he pulls off the interstate to stop at a rest area.

Have a good day. I love you.

They are simple words but, even though Brian has said them a little more frequently now that they are married, the last three words come just rarely enough to bring a smile to his face.

Most of the time. This time, he just feels another surge of guilt.

Typing a quick, ‘You too. <3’ he presses the lock screen button and turns around to look at his daughter.

“Lily,” he calls to her softly, rubbing her leg, “Want to get some breakfast?”

Lily’s soft, adorable snores eventually stop and her eyes slowly open, squinting at him in bewilderment in the process.

“Starbuck’s sound okay?” he suggests, “You can get a cup of oatmeal and some fruit and orange juice?”

Lily rubs her face with the back of her hand, letting out a muted whine.

“We can also change you out of your pajamas,” Eric continues, getting out of the SUV to get into the trunk, “A nice outfit but something comfortable for the rest of the ride.”

Eric grabs a pair of maroon mandala print shorts, a white tank top, and gold sandals to throw into her handmade backpack with owls stitched into the fabric that she got from Chinatown one day in June, insisting she needed it for school once she went back in the fall. It ended up becoming an overnight bag.

“Come on,” he tells her, coming around to the rear passenger door to help her out of her car seat, “You can go back to sleep once you get a little food in you.”

Lily just glares at the parking lot asphalt as her hair sticks up in every which way. Eric makes a mental note to wet it a bit and tie it up once he gets her changed in the bathroom, which he ends up doing first since the line to order is longer than the line for the bathroom. He can’t help but feel grateful when he sees that it is just a private unisex bathroom. Usually he faces no trouble taking Lily into the men’s room but, about a year ago, Brian had come home, pissed and with Lily propped up on his hip, because some guy using the urinal had some choice words for him just because Lily had used the men’s room. The incident always ends up in the back of his mind.

Lily wakes up a little once they are in the bathroom. She uses the toilet, wipes, flushes, and washes her hands as Eric holds her up to the sink. He quickly gets her out of her pajamas and slippers to get the outfit he picked out for her on, getting her hair slightly damp, he does the best work he can on any tangles with his fingers before putting her thick curly hair into a messy high bun on the top of her head.

“Why didn’t you spray my hair?” Lily asks, feeling the bun on her head.

“I forgot the spray in the car,” he admits, “Next time we stop, I’ll get the spray out to make it less frizzy. It looks good now though, don’t worry.”

Lily looks at him suspiciously, as if she doesn’t quite believe him, before taking his hand and following him back out to the sitting area, where they wait in line to make their orders. He orders her oatmeal, juice, and a side of fruit while he get the spinach, tomato, and feta wrap with a venti iced coffee for himself. They sit down by the window, even though Eric wants to get on the road to get the drive over with. Lily seems content enough as she swings her legs while she takes bites of her fruit and oatmeal in rotation. For a few moments, nothing is said. They just concentrate on their food and let everyone else in the coffee shop chatter to fill the silence. But then, Lily decides to speak.

“So we are going to go get Ellie?” Lily asks suddenly, meeting his eyes, “You said that, right?”

Eric clears his throat, “I did. I’m surprised you remember. You were only half awake.”

Lily shrugs and gets an eager grin on her face, “I am really smart and remember lots of stuff. It’s who I am. I am happy Ellie is coming to stay with us. She should be with me ‘cause she was yours. But she’s gonna be mine now, okay? My little sister can play with her but I want her to be mine.”

“Of course,” Eric answers, semi-distractedly, “If we can find her while we are there, she can be yours.”

Lily nods her head happily and bounces in her seat a little. By the time they’ve consumed their meals and Eric gets another coffee plus two water bottles for the road, it’s about 9:15. If they don’t hit traffic, they can get to Southport in about four and a half hours, maybe just four if he’s lucky. Past the travel time, he doesn’t have much of a plan. He guesses he’ll just take Lily’s hand, walk up to the wrap around porch, and ring the doorbell-

“I think,” Lily starts, putting her hands on the table, “That me and you should go out in the sailboat. It’s a good idea, Papa! Then, we can go swimming! In the ocean!”

“Maybe,” Eric answers before getting up and picking up their trash, “You need to go to the bathroom one more time?”

Lily shakes her head, “Nuh uh! I already went!”

“You’re sure you don’t need to go one more time? You won’t bug me a mile down the road, saying you have to go, will you?”

“I won’t have to go for at least nine billion, six hundred trillion miles!” Lily informs him.

“Well, in that case, I guess we better head off,” Eric sighs.

He gets her outside, throws her bag with her pajamas in the trunk, and straps into her car seat once more before giving her the iPad to play with or watch her shows on, whichever she prefers. Eric doesn’t really have to worry about getting her to where she wants to be on it anymore. He swears she can operate that thing better than he and Brian can.

He can tell from the sounds coming from it and from her that she is playing Word Wizard in Spanish, which makes him so ridiculously proud. Her pronunciation as she talks back to the app is perfect. She is even talking to herself in the language. Part of him has been wanting to see if he can get her into a gifted language course to let her learn more languages as well. He has spoken to Brian about it but they haven’t had the chance to look into it yet.

“Hey, Lily?” he asks, glancing at her through the rearview mirror, “Would you want to take an after school class to learn a third language once school starts up?”

Lily looks up with bright eyes, “Yes! Papa, I really REALLY want to know how to talk in Australian.”

Eric can’t help but bark out a laugh at that.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Lily pouts as she kicks the back of the front passenger chair.

“I’m sorry. It was mean of me to laugh. But people in Australia speak English,” he explains, trying to sober up from his laughing fit quickly.

“Oh,” Lily answers, “So I already know how to speak Australian!”

“Uh...sure.”

“I am really, really smart,” Lily whispers to herself, as if she herself can’t quite believe how smart she is.

“I’ll do some research,” he tells her, “I know there are private lessons we can get and they can come to the house. But there is also a place called Mandarin Seeds. You could do an after school program there until 5 o’clock. It’s close to Daddy’s work so he could pick you up. You would learn Mandarin there, that’s Chinese, and get to play with other kids.”

“Oooh oooh! I want to do that!” she insists, bouncing in her seat, “I can meet a lotta kids there too and make lots of friends!”

Eric smiles, “You definitely could.”

“Can Duncan go with me? Me and him have always ALWAYS wanted to learn Chinese.” she continues, gesturing with her hands.

“Really? This is something you two have discussed?” Eric asks, holding back laughter.

“No, but we’ve always wanted to do it,” she informs him.

“That’s up to Emmett and Drew plus Duncan lives in New Jersey and the commute might be a little hard. But even if he can’t go, would you want to do it still?”

Lily thinks for a second, tapping her chin, “Yes. But I gotta save time for my dancing. ‘Cause I am going to be a dancer when I grow up, you know. I am going to dance Flamenco for the rest of my life.”

“I thought you wanted to be a sword swallower,” Eric recalls.

Lily shrugs, “I’m gonna do both. I can do that, you know. And I am gonna be a magician AND a princess.”

“Sounds like you’ll be one busy woman when you are older,” Eric smiles before getting back on topic, “But you’ll have time for Flamenco. After your recital in the fall, Ms. Garcia said she would keep working with you twice a week until the session starts up in the spring.”

“Good,” Lily sighs with relief, “Because I just got to keep practicing. I got a solo for the recital ‘cause I am so good but I gotta get even better. And I wanna learn how to play the gee-tar. The one Nathan got for me. So I can play Flamenco and dance it. At the same time! I know! Nathan can come over and teach me how to play! I like Nathan, Papa. So SO much-”

When Lily chatters away like this, listing all of her goals and dreams, Eric feels less guilt about getting her involved with so many activities at such a young age. He feels like it would probably bore his daughter to death if he just made her take it easy.

Sometimes he wishes she would take it easy when it comes to talking up a storm though. After almost two hours of almost non-stop conversation, Eric almost wants to tell her to shut the hell up. But he knows that she is keeping him awake with it all and it would probably make her cry if he snapped that at her, especially when she is being cheerful and sweet.

“-And my baby sister, she can do Chinese and Flamenco with me too. And we can go swimming and read books and do tumbling-”

“Maybe when she is older,” Eric interrupts, “Remember that she won’t even be able to walk for almost a year. You have to be easy with her.”

Lily looks a little crestfallen before nodding in disappointment, “Maybe you can adopt a sister for me that’s four too. That way-”

“No,” Eric laughs out, “No more girls.”

Lily lets out a sound of outrage, “Girls are the bestest!”

“I’m not saying they’re not,” Eric placates her, “But your daddy and I will most likely call it a day once your sister is born.”

Lily tries to debate with him, which is sort of ridiculous since her newest sibling is still a few months away from being born, but eventually she gives up on the task once he puts a playlist on for her that has her favorite songs. She sings along, dances in her seat, and eventually passes out.

And, even though he is grateful for the quiet, it does make his thoughts wander to his parents.

Only a couple more hours until he sees them and he doesn’t even have a plan.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eric’s heart is beating in his chest quickly as he approaches drives up the winding road to his childhood home. He rolls down the window, hoping for the smell of sea in the air to calm him down. The breeze stirs Lily. She yawns, opens her eyes, then looks around, confused.

“Look down the hill,” he says to her, stopping the car.

“The ocean!” Lily gasps and claps her hands.

“Close,” Eric tells her, “It’s a big bay that leads to the ocean. The beach is only a few miles away. Maybe we can go there tomorrow.”

“Yes, and we can swim in the bay today!” Lily suggests.

“They also have a pool out back,” Eric says distractedly, feeling relief when he just sees his parents’ housekeeper’s car in the garage.

“They have everything!” Lily exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air, “Next time we come down, we just have to bring Daddy.”

“...Hmmm,” is all Eric can say to that while he parks across the street.

He lets himself sit there for a second, lets himself stare at the house he has lived in since he was two years old. One that started out nice but of a more modest size then expanded with upgrades as he grew a little older. His father had done a lot of the work. He vaguely remembers watching him add the sunroom right by the pool and helping with small things, only to be held back by his mother a year later when his dad decided they needed a balcony as well. Another floor was added and the house was expanded on both sides. And, unless you really knew what to look for, you would couldn’t tell the expansions were expansions at all. Architecture and designing has never been his dad’s field but, with some advice, the man had been good at it. Eric thinks that witnessing the additions to the home helped influence his aspirations for his career.

“Papa?” Lily asks, “Why are we waiting here?”

Eric shakes himself out of his thoughts, then sighs.

“...I guess we should go ahead and let Delphina know we are here.”

“Delphina?” Lily asks, confused.

“You’ve met her,” Eric reminds her, “A few times. She’s been coming to clean Abuela and Grandpa’s house and help out with things ever since I was 7 or so. She’s nice.”

Eric decides to let their things stay in the car for now, only grabbing a few necessities for Lily to keep her entertained and content. He takes a big breath as he stares at the home from across the street. As if she can sense his nerves, Lily takes his hand and holds onto it tight.

“Thanks,” he murmurs.

Lily nods then takes the lead, “Come on, Papa.”

They walk alongside each other, hand in hand, across the road, up the steps to the large porch, and to the front door. Eric holds his finger over the doorbell for just a second before pressing it.

He hears Delphina walking to the door. She sounds a little slower than he remembers. She had been in her mid-thirties when his parents hired her. She had only known a couple of words in English then and he can remember practicing his Spanish with her while she would practice her English in return.

When she opens the door, she looks surprised to see him. At least she doesn’t look repulsed by the sight of him.

“Hola, Delphina,” he greets first.

“No sabía hice que venías,” Delphina answers, staring at him as if she’s seen a ghost, “¿Cómo estás?”

Eric shrugs, “Estoy bien. Fue decisión de último minuto. ¿Recuerdas Lily?”
“Me recuerdo Lily,” she smiles before bending down a little, “Hola, Lily. Usted es más alta que la última vez que te vi.”

“Gracias,” Lily answers shyly, “Tengo cuatro años de edad ahora.”

“¡Guau!” Delphina exclaims.

“Me gusta tus pendientes, son muy bonitos,” Lily compliments as she starts to find her outgoing spirit again, “Quiero…”

Lily looks up at her father in question and pulls at her ears.

“What does ‘pierce’ mean, Papa?” she asks him.

“You would say perforar in that case,” he informs her.

Lily nods and restarts her sentence, “Quiero perforar mis orejas!”

Then she bows her head and pouts, “Mi papá no me deja.”

Delphina holds back a laugh at that, “Tal vez un día.”

Delphina’s guard is down now that the ice has broken. She lets the two of them inside and leads them to the parlor and offers to get them something to drink. With hesitation, she lets them know that his mother will be back around 5:30 and his father will be back about an hour after, due to the longer commute he has from Wilmington. There isn’t much he can say to that. He’s kind of grateful when Lily tells her that she would love some juice. The request sends Delphina off to the kitchen to get her some. Knowing Delphina, she probably went to make Lily a snack as well. As they wait, Lily sits right against his side, her arms linked around his, as she turns her head to look around the room.

“Papa,” she whispers, “We should go swim.”

“Let’s wait, Lily,” he tells her, “We just got here.”

“It’s as best of a time as ever,” she tells him seriously before standing up to look out the big windows on the side of the house, “I can see the ocean from here.”

“That’s the bay, sweetheart,” he reminds her, “Let’s wait until Delphina comes back. You can get your juice and maybe some lunch and then we can get the bags and I will take you down.”

“That sounds like a fantastic plan,” Lily agrees before her eyes go wide at the sight of the piano, “Oh my gosh!”

Lily runs over to the bench and climbs on top of it.

“Lily, please don’t run,” Eric scolds her, exasperated, “It isn’t our house.”

“It’s your house,” she tells him.

“No,” he sighs, “Our house is in Brooklyn. Remember?”

“Yes,” Lily answers, “But I’m gonna get a big house with Duncan when we’re grown ups. But my house will always be my house but so will my new house. That’s just how it is, okay?”

Before Eric can respond, Lily pounds on the piano.

“Softly!” he calls over her noise.

Lily plays the clashing notes more quietly and lets out a frustrated groan, “It sounds better when I do it loud!”

“Too bad.”

“Papa, please-” Lily tries to reason.

“No. I haven’t had any sleep and I have a headache. Play the notes softly and nicely or don’t play them at all.”

Lily glares at him but obeys the ultimatum by playing the notes one by one.

“Want to learn a scale?” he asks her, reaching over her shoulder, “C, D, E, F, G, F, E, D, C C C C C. C, D, E, F, G G G G, C, G, C.”

Lily looks at the keys, wide-eyed, “That was beautiful. Let me try!”

Eric takes her dominant left hand, shapes her fingers so that only her pointer finger is sticking out, and plays it over each note, again and again, until she memorizes it and plays the notes by herself.

“I did an amazing job!” Lily squeals, proud of her flawless interpretation of the basic C scale.

“You did,” Eric agrees, beaming, “I’m proud of you for learning that so quickly.”

“We just got to get a piano, Papa,” she tells him seriously, “We just got to!”

“They’re nice, but hard to get to places. Maybe we can get a keyboard if you really want to learn though, set it up in your room.”

“Right now?” Lily asks, excited.

“Sometime after we get back,” Eric answers pointedly, “Maybe.”

“Okay, but definitely,” Lily argues. She’s so fucking spoiled sometimes. It kind of makes him want to take the offer off the table all together.

When he hears Delphina’s footsteps, he picks Lily up off the piano bench and sits her back down on the couch. As expected, Delphina did make them something to eat, Pastelitos, which is something that he misses from her and his mother. He had made them a couple of times and they turned out fine but they must season the meat a certain way he can’t master. And, like today’s, Delphina’s tasted as good leftover as they did fresh. The conversation stays at a relative minimum, mainly just polite catching up and avoiding the topic of his parents. He always liked Delphina and he really doesn’t want to find out if she thinks his parents have been in the right.

Lily keeps getting up to show off her dancing, complete with the “¡Ole!” and “¡Toma!” to encourage herself. Delphina seems to enjoy it and joins in with the vocal encouragements but Eric has seen it so many times that he feels a little annoyed. That makes him feel guilty. He should be happy that Lily is so enthusiastic over her extracurriculars, at least one of them. Ballet is something she likes fine but doesn’t seem to embrace like she does Flamenco.

“Y ese es mi solo,” Lily finishes right before bowing.

“Solitario,” he informs her of the word for solo, “¿Estás lista para ir a nadar?”

“Sì,” Lily confirms, “En el bay.”

“En la bahía,” he corrects, “Vamos a ir al coche.”

Lily follows him as he tells Delphina that they’ll be back to change before heading down to the dock. They go back across the street to get the duffle bag with their swim clothes and beach towels and head back over to the house to go change in the bathroom. He makes Lily wait outside the door while he changes into his trunks, which may not be the best idea since she bangs on the door, nervous about being by herself, even just for a few moments. However, he’d rather not be naked in front of his daughter so he doesn’t let the guilt of leaving her out in the hall nor her promise of, “But I’ll turn around and close my eyes!” get to him. As soon as he is changed though, he lets her in the bathroom in order to help her into her suit, a task she has still not completely mastered. It’s a teal one-piece with white paisley pattern and, although it isn’t her absolute favorite, she has stopped pouting about her yellow one at home. She even stays patient as he lathers her up with sunscreen.

“Let me get my dress on,” she insists after he’s finished, grabbing her cover-up from the bag, “It is just so pretty.”

Lily slips on the white cotton and lace cover-up and looks at herself in the body length mirror in the corner of the large bathroom.

“I look great!” she exclaims, turning to the side to get a view of her profile, “And you look great too. Come on!”

Lily takes his hand and he manages to their towels before being dragged out the bathroom door by a four year old. He managed to take the lead though, taking her towards the back of the house, through the kitchen, and into the sunroom that provides the spectacular view he grew up with.

“Wow,” Lily says in awe.

“Yeah,” Eric murmurs before coming out of his daze, “Come on. Let’s head outside.”

They go out back and Lily gets distracted by the pool. He lets her take off her cover-up to jump off the diving board and feels a sense of pride that she can swim in the deep end without a floatie. Regardless, he takes her to the shed once he gets her to come out of the pool and finds it unlocked. Past the fishing poles, canoe paddles, swimming noodles, and equipment for the sailboat, he finds stacks of storage containers with various family members’ names on them. His mom and dad have box together, most likely containing just a couple of lifejackets for trips out onto the sea. He sees his sister’s box, which is less dusty than his brother’s and his own. He sees a shared box for Julian and Carlos as well as his aunt’s box, then finds the one he is looking for.

“There,” he announces, pulling the container marked, ‘Xiomara, Laila’ out of place, “My cousin lives less than an hour away from here. She is a few years younger than me and has a daughter who is your age. She basically lived here in the summer.”

“Is she my cousin too?” Lily asks, eyes excited.

Eric nods, “Yep. Xiomara is my first cousin. Laila is your second cousin.”

“I want to meet her,” Lily decides, “But I don’t want to use her stuff. I want to use my stuff out of my box.”

Eric purses his lips, “We don’t really come here much, sweetie. I don’t think Abuela and Grandpa made a box for you to keep your swim stuff in.”

“Yes huh,” Lily insists, “It’s over there! It says, ‘L-I-L-Y.’ Lily! That’s my name, you know.”

Eric feels his heart beat a little harder as he makes his way to the other side of the shed. Sure enough, Lily is right. In the corner, on its own, is a box that dons his daughter’s name.

Opening it, he finds a couple of lifejackets still in bags, some swim fins sealed in their packets, a kick board, and a couple of swimsuits. And Eric could tell himself that his parents bought them years ago, before the blow up over the wedding, but they are all the size that a four year old girl would wear.

“See? That’s my box,” Lily points out.

“I see that,” Eric answers in a shaky voice, “...Come on then. I’ll take off the tag for this lifejacket and bring it down if you need it. Can you get the kick board?”

“Yes, and you can grab us some noodles,” Lily tells him, “Those are fun. We can ride them like horsies!”

Eric can’t help but chuckle at the image of himself riding a noodle, but grabs two to make her happy, even though he has no plans on actually using one.

They walk down the wooden steps that lead to the doc, grabbing onto Lily’s hand once they step onto it so she doesn’t wander off the side.

“A sailboat!” Lily gasps, “Can we go on it now?”

“I don’t want to take it out without getting your grandpa’s permission,” Eric sighs, “I think it would be alright to take you in the pedalboat though, if you still want to after you swim.”

“That’s a great idea,” Lily agrees.

When they reach the edge of the dock, Eric puts their supplies on the bench, straps Lily up in a lifejacket despite her protests, before looking down at her.

“Well?” he prompts, “Go on. Jump.”

Lily looks down at the water with trepidation before grabbing onto his waist, “I don’t want to!”

“Lily,” he chuckles, “It’s like swimming in a pool.”

“I can’t see the bottom!” Lily informs him.

“That’s because it’s a bay. The bottom is dark, not white like a pool’s.”

That doesn’t help Lily’s confidence at all. It only makes her let out a cry and hold on to him tighter.

“Lily,” he sighs, stroking her hair, “We don’t have to go in. It’s alright.”

Lily doesn’t answer for a few seconds, but then whimpers, “You jump in first.”

“Okay,” he agrees, before trying to step forward with Lily’s arms still around him, “Are you jumping in with me?”

“No!” Lily yells, as if that’s preposterous.

“Alright. Then you need to let go of me so that I can jump in on my own,” Eric laughs, gently pushing her hands away.

Lily takes a step back and nod, wringing her hands together nervously.

“1,” Eric starts of the the count, “2...3!”

Eric jumps in the water, cannonball style, plunging into the deep water. He’s happy to know that the water feels as great as he remembers it.

When he comes up to the surface, he finds Lily looking at him, annoyed.

“You splashed me!” she exclaims, sputtering dramatically.

“Ooops,” Eric responds as he floats, not sorry, “Your turn.”

“Scare away the fishies first!” she demands, stomping her foot.

“I thought you liked fishies.”

“I do! But I don’t want anything surprising me. Now, go on!”

Eric lets out a laugh at her demanding behavior before splashing and kicking around the dock to make sure nothing is around it.

“They swam away,” he informs her.

Lily takes a deep breath and attempts to jump three times before finally gaining the courage to go through with the action.

“Good job!” he praises her as she bounces back up to the surface.

Lily laughs joyously, “I did it! I did it, Papa!”

“You did!” he answers just as happily, “I am very proud of you!”

Lily swims over to the ladder and climbs back up to the dock, “I’m gonna jump in again!”

Lily repeats the action without any hesitation this time and does it twice more before settling into swimming for a while. Eventually, he does let her take the jacket off so that she can use the noodle instead. She rides it like a horse, yells ‘Giddy up!’ and fills up the hollow section in between so that she can blow water from one end out the other.

“I...LOVE...THIS!” She yells out as she swims around.

“I’m glad,” he answers, amused.

Eventually, she remembers the pedalboat and gets back on the dock to wait to board. Eric wipes her up with a towel and applies more sunscreen to the both of them before getting on the boat. After he sits down, she holds out her arms and he lifts her off the dock and snuggles her for a moment before sitting her down in the seat next to him. He unties the boat from the post, puts his hand on the gear, and pedals them away from the dock. If Lily sits on the edge of her seat, her legs are just long enough for her to reach the pedals. So she is thrilled to help and keeps talking about how she’s a great driver. They go pretty far out and Lily is amazed over how small the dock looks. They sit there for a bit and talk about whatever random questions she comes up with before pedaling back towards the dock. For a while, he forgot about the pit in his stomach and the nerves keeping him awake for over 24 hours now. It isn’t until his mother comes to view on the dock that it comes back to him.

“Eric,” she greets him, pretty much emotionlessly, once he is a foot away from the dock, “It’s a...It’s a surprise to see you here.”

She still looks good for her age. Maybe a couple of more grey hairs. Her accent seems a little thicker than it was when he was in his teens and twenties, which makes him come to the conclusion that she is spending more time with the family, rather than other women in the area.

“It’s a surprise to be here,” he mutters, tying the boat up as Lily scoots over and hides her face into his elbow. Eric holds back a groan at the uncharacteristic action and turns around to pull her into his lap.

“Will you go say hi to Abuela?” he asks her, “Give her a hug?”

Lily doesn’t answer but doesn’t resist when he stands her on the dock.

“Hi, Abuela,” she says softly, “Thank you for the box.”

Although Lily is still wet, his mother doesn’t seem to mind when she hugs her. In fact, to Eric’s surprise, his mother holds onto her tightly and bites her lip.

“It’s no problem at all, bonita,” his mother responds, “...You are always welcome here.”

Although he would appreciate the sentiment under other circumstances, he isn’t sure that the offer extends to him.

Eric climbs up onto the dock and stands in front of them.

Dear Louisa looks him up and down and tsks, “You need to put a little weight on. Is your…partner not feeding you? He’s thin as well.”

Eric looks down at his toned body and scoffs, “Gay men don’t want the extra weight, mom. I think we both look pretty fantastic.”

“Mouthy as always,” his mom mutters, “Delphina told me you were down here. Are you finished? If you’re staying then you can help me with dinner.”

Before being able to answer, his mother starts to walk back down the dock and up the stairs to to the house. He probably doesn’t have much choice but to follow her.

“Come on,” he mutters to his kid, grabbing her hand, “Let’s head on up.”

He takes a while to get the two of them changed. Lily refuses to go and wait downstairs while he showers so he lets her wait in his old room across the hall while he keeps it quick. When he opens the door, she practically falls into the bathroom head first.

“I thought you were waiting in the bedroom,” he asks her, helping her up.

“I didn’t want to!” she insists, looking around, “Am I getting in the bath now?”

“I’ll hose you down and wash out your hair while you wash yourself with the washcloth. Here, let’s get your suit off.”

Lily scrubs her body as Eric reminds her of the places that need washed before he washes and conditions her hair. When she is rinsed off, he rings out her hair, dries her off, and gets her dressed in a green sundress. Then he just has to find the courage to go downstairs and converse with his mother.

They walk down the steps and he can hear his mother walking around the kitchen by the time they are down the hall. He pushes open the swinging door and quietly gets Lily settled at the small table by the window before turning to his mom.

“Chop those up,” she tells him, pointing at the onions on the table.

Eric glances at his daughter before walking over to the other side of the kitchen to do what his mother says. He peels the onion, throws the outer layer in the trash, and cuts the vegetable up into fine strips.

“That’s a lot of food for just a couple of people,” He comments, “Anyone coming that you are expecting?”

“Clara and Jacob. Their daughter Isobel. We haven’t seen them for a couple of months,” his mother answers before perking up, “You remember Isobel, don’t you? You took her to prom. She just got divorced, you know.”

Eric winces at the remark. He should have known it would only be a matter of time.

“That’s unfortunate,” is all he can say.

“Maybe you two can catch up. It might cheer her up,” his mother says, glancing at him in the process.

And maybe the comment doesn’t justify him stabbing the knife into the wooden cutting board, but he does it anyway.

“Watch it,” his mother warns, “That’s from Crate & Barrel.”

“Papa, what’s divorce?” Lily asks from the table.

Eric sighs and sends a glare to his mother. She’s too busy focusing on food preparation that she doesn’t even catch it.

“Divorce,” he starts, turning around, “Is when two people who are married aren’t happy being married anymore.”

“You mean they don’t love each other anymore?” she asks in a small voice.

“Some of the time,” he admits, “But sometimes they still care about the other person but just can’t work things out. They work better apart and as friends.”

“But you and Daddy would never get divorced, huh?” Lily presses.

“I could never see myself divorcing your Daddy,” he answers, eyes going soft, “I love him, along with you, Gus, and your new baby sister, more than anything in this world.”

He doesn’t miss the way his mother chops the cilantro more forcefully at that.

“Abuela,” Lily prompts, facing her grandmother, “Are you Gussy’s Abuela too?”

“Of course she is,” Eric cuts in, before his mother can make any denials about it, “He’s your big brother, isn’t he?”

Lily nods, “He is! I love him but I don’t like him sometimes. He doesn’t like playing as much anymore.”

“Necesito aire fresco,” his mother mutters under her breath, before storming out of the kitchen.

The kitchen is silent for a moment as he and Lily both stare at the back door.

“What’s her problem?” his daughter asks.

Eric turns to look at her and shrugs.

“I’ve been trying to figure that out for years now.”

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His father’s Mercedes comes up the driveway at 5:30. Early for him, even when there are guests for dinner. Maybe his dad is mellowing out when it comes to work or maybe his mother called him to tell him his long lost son is here. Either way, it does make him nervous. Even when he was a teenager and seen as the high achiever and not even a question was brought up by his heterosexual front, he and his dad had a knack for bickering and being at odds. He always loved him and he knows that the feeling at least had been mutual. But now, that’s all up in the air. Out of the two of them, his mother had taken his coming out the hardest, which had surprised Eric even though it shouldn’t have, since his mom has always been more religious than his dad. While his father had not been thrilled at all whatsoever, Eric is sure that his mother’s devastation about the news had been what caused James Davisson to really be upset with him.

He hears his father’s footsteps in the steps leading from the garage to the hall before hearing hushed whispers between his parents. Eric tries to not listen for what is being said and focuses on the interactive book Lily is reading on her iPad.

“And Jack went up higher and higher and higher and higher,” Lily reads with the book as the animated boy crawls up the beanstalk.

“How’s my granddaughter?” his father greets jovially, squatting down to open his arms.

Lily quickly puts down the iPad, surprised, lets out a nervous giggle, puts her feet up on the seat, scoots back, and shrugs.

“Alright, huh?” his father guesses, glancing up at Eric while doing so.

Lily nods before sitting on her knees to stare up at Eric.

“You want to give your grandpa a hug?” he asks her.

Lily is compliant to the idea and wraps her arms around her grandfather’s neck. The older man stands up straight, still as tall and fit as he was when he was young, and holds her tight. She isn’t as openly enthusiastic about the hug as she is when she hugs other family members or close friends and Eric hopes that she doesn’t feel forced to show affection.

After his dad lets her down, he is very attentive to Lily as she explains the book she is reading and how it works.

“And if I want him to go over there, I press here,” she explains, pressing the screen, “You can get lots of endings that way.”

“That’s pretty neat!” his father exclaims, holding the device out a bit to read it.

“Put on your glasses, James,” his mother sighs.

“My eyes are fine,” his father dismisses.

“You’ve had reading glasses for fifteen years, don’t tell me that they’re fine,” his mom retorts.

“Brian does the same thing,” Eric mentions, “But I’m pretty sure he might have some near-sighted issues that are getting worse as well. I think he’s starting to realize it too, so that might get him to schedule an appointment for September.”

Not surprisingly, his parents clam up at the mere mention of Brian. They don’t look in his direction and focusing on anything else seems to be preferable to them.

“I need glasses too!” Lily pouts, crossing her arms, “When Daddy goes and gets glasses, I need to go get glasses too!”

“You got your eyes checked last November,” Eric reminds her, “Perfect vision. You are very lucky.”

“But I need glasses,” Lily insists, not really getting it.

“Here are some glasses,” his father drawls, taking the aviator sunglasses off his shirt and putting them on Lily’s face. The action even makes Eric crack a smile.

Lily lets out a surprised laugh and holds her hands to the sunglasses, “These are too big!”

Lily takes them off, looks at them, then hands them back over, “Besides, I got sunglasses. Really pretty ones, not boy ones like that. I’m talkin’ about real glasses. Those ones are the ones I need.”

Lily surprisingly warms up to his father rather quickly and there’s a part of Eric that’s proud of his dad because his focus is solely on her. He’s silly with her. He listens to her intently as she tells stories, some that are true and others that are obvious fibs. And it’s not as if he’s surprised by it, per say. He has never doubted that his parents loved Lily. He knows they do and, before the blow-up he had with his mother regarding the wedding, the times that they did call, they always mentioned they wanted him to bring her down. They had even swallowed their pride to come and see her in Pittsburgh and Chicago a few times, despite the fact that meant they had to be around Brian. And not every single visit devolved into harsh words. Some of them were just stiff and uncomfortable. But when Brian wasn’t around, his parents tended to loosen up and act more like themselves, or at least the versions of themselves that Eric has known.

But, even though his parents, or at least his father, seems kinder this visit, he can’t get rid of the pit in his stomach because the man has yet to say a direct word to him.

He doesn’t try to get his father’s attention. He just goes back to what he’s doing and figures something will be said eventually. Eventually turns out to be an hour, when the doorbell rings. His mother is busy with the table arrangements in the dining room and his father is busy getting Lily hyped up. It’s a stark contrast from her quiet and distrusting demeanor whenever her grandparents and her daddy are in the same room but, with that particular tension not currently present, she seems to be comfortable in her grandpa’s company. His dad seems to enjoy the time with her even more. So much that, when the guests ring the bell, the man says, “Son, get that, will you?” as he holds Lily upside down while she belly laughs.

And, since it is the first time the older man has spoken to him directly this evening, he doesn’t even question the request.

“Yeah, sure,” Eric remarks, turning around to go to the foyer.

When he opens the door, he opens it to find the parents of his old high school sweetheart. There was Jacob Newsom, an entrepreneur and investor, broad shouldered and a bit pudgy, and friends with his father since Eric was in middle school. Standing next to him is his wife Clara, a homemaker and a daughter of the Confederacy yet supposedly not the least bit racist, despite her occasional past snooty remarks on minority neighborhoods and undocumented workers. When those less than favorable remarks came out of her mouth, it used to bring out his mother’s passive aggressiveness in full force. The only reason she associated with the woman in the past was because his father became good friends with Jacob who, Eric can admit, is a pretty good man from what he can remember. He wonders if his mother has grown more tolerable of Clara or if Clara has grown more tolerable of people who are different than herself.

He doesn’t think it is that last one though. When Clara sees him, her nostrils flare on her sharp, pointed nose as brushes her salon styled frosted hair off of her shoulder.

“Oh. I wasn’t aware you’d be here,” she says in a frigid tone.

“I could say the same,” he shrugs.

And, as she stares at him with her cold, judgy icy blue eyes, Eric can’t help but wonder if she maybe comforted his mother when he came out as gay and they reveled in their shared disgust instead. That has to be the only reason his mother hadn’t been bitching all throughout preparing dinner.

“Eric, my boy!” Mr. Newsom greets, once he’s over his surprise, “How have you been? Still a major success?”

“Pretty major,” Eric nods, before holding out his hand a couple of seconds later, “How have you been, Mr. Newsom?”

“Call me Jake, please,” Jake dismisses as he shakes Eric’s hand in his memorable death grip, “I only had you call me that when were courting my daughter. But hell, if you’re interested, I wouldn’t mind having a son-in-law like you, especially now that she’s divorced that schmuck-

“Dad,” Eric hears a feminine voice behind the couple. As Jake turns, Isobel Newsom comes into view. Despite the non-conventional beauty of her parents, Isobel was always stunning. Blonde and tall like her mother, but with an hourglass figure and not all bones. Bright green eyes like her father, with an outgoing and cheerful personality that matched his. After things had dissolved with Cynthia near the end of the summer before his sophomore year, he had asked out Isobel as soon as junior year started up. He was with her until they went their separate ways for college, but during those two years, they had been seen as the picture perfect teenage pair by their classmates. It hadn’t been as if he wasn’t attracted to her. He could recognize and appreciate a beautiful woman when he saw one. It had been a reason it had taken him a while to decide to come out in the first place. He had fucked her more times than he can count and he was able to convince himself from time to time that he had enjoyed it alright. And, even when he felt disconnected from the experience of being her boyfriend, he could appreciate her warm demeanor and sweet personality.

However, he could tell that she isn’t the girl he used to be with. Although still beautiful, her eyes are dull and her face lacks the glow she used to have. Her expression is lifeless and, even though he hasn’t given more than a few thoughts towards Isobel Newsom in at least fifteen years, it does hurt to see her unhappy.

“Isobel,” he greets holding out a hand to the woman, “It’s good to see you again.”

Instead of rolling her eyes at the offer of a handshake and pulling him into a hug like she might have done to anyone else at an earlier time in her life, she stares down at the hand, offers him her limp one in return.

“Eric,” is all she mumbles and leaves it at that.

And, as they all go in and settle around the table, he doesn’t focus on his parents like he expected to, at least not at first. He mainly focuses on Isobel’s silence and how distracted she is. He doesn’t focus on whether or not his parents and their guests stiffen when he speaks of his life with Brian or about the Gay and Lesbian Youth Center. He doesn’t even focus on his mother’s clenched grip on her fork as Clara speaks fondly about Donald Trump until her voice raises.

“He’s a stupid man,” his mother practically spits out, “He’s a stupid man who has no experience and is completely delusional-”

“Yes, he doesn’t mince his words but, as they say, he’ll make America great again,” Clara dismisses, “I know you two are for Rand Paul though. Not surprising out of you, Louisa, since you have always been relatively moderate. But my god, Jake here is for Clinton. The trials of being married to a democrat, I swear-”

“And the exasperations to being married to a republican,” Jake retorts, oddly more fondly, before turning to Eric, “Who are you for, kid?”

“Oh,” Eric starts, “I don’t know. I like Bernie Sanders. I think he is genuine and passionate. Clinton is really qualified so I wouldn’t mind if she got the nomination either but I like his ideas, stances, and personality more. Plus, Lily does a good impression of him. Lily, show them your Bernie Sanders impression.”

Lily shakes her head and ducks her face under his arm. Damn. Usually, she loves to get a chance to put on a show.

So Eric just shrugs and says, “She usually isn’t this shy. She might warm up after dinner.”

“Well...it’s not a surprise that you’re so far to the left,” Clara comments in a fake tone, “I mean, you are a homosexual now, aren’t you?”

The table goes silent at that but Eric doesn’t miss a beat.

“That I am,” Eric responds proudly, “You don’t have a problem with that. Do you, Mrs. Newsom?”

Clara’s face forms a pinched expression, “It’s your life, I suppose. Although, I cannot wrap my head around the idea of gay marriage. And the fact that you went through with it even though it upset your mother so-”

“That’s enough!” his father barks, slamming his butter knife down on the table before taking a deep breath and calming down, “It isn’t appropriate talk for the table. And, like you said, it’s Eric’s life. Leave it at that.”

Clara stares at his dad, judgment clear in her eyes, “From what I gather, you weren’t so happy about it either, James. And here you are defending him?”

“It doesn’t concern you. Whatever I feel or my wife feels deals with our family. Last I checked, you weren’t a Davisson or a Castillo.”

The tension is thicker than it has been all night and he figures this is how Lily must feel when Brian and his parents have argued in the past in front of her. But, looking over towards Lily to see how she is handling it, she doesn’t seem scared by what is going on at all.

“I was the flower girl at my daddy and papa’s wedding,” she informs them, brushing her hair back, “I was the bestest flower girl ever and threw flowers all over the floor. Then they kissed a lot and danced and stuff because that’s what you do at weddings.”

The disgusted look that forms on Clara’s face makes him want to laugh. He manages to hold back, but just barely. His mother stays silent and looks at her plate, Isobel and Jake look embarrassed by everything, and his father...well, Eric doesn’t even know how to read his father right now.

“I think it is time for a subject change,” Jake announces, forcing a well-meaning tone, “James is right, honey. It is Eric’s business.”

The rest of dinner goes smoothly, but that’s mainly because Eric keeps to himself except when it comes to Lily. He does help his mother clean up. He can tell she has no desire to sit in the same room as Clara so it is up to his father to entertain the guests in the living room. He can hear Lily ‘playing’ the piano. If the situation were different, he would be embarrassed and lead her out of the room. But, since that bitch is in there and, at one point, she comes into the kitchen to “get away from that noise” he lets his daughter explore her creative side.

Not that spending time with his mother in the kitchen is preferable to a large extent. She barely speaks a word to him and the conversation from the dinner table lingers over their heads. It takes him a bit, but he eventually has to ask.

“So...um, was it just me or did Dad defend me at the dinner table?” he asks her. She’s the wrong person because of her stance but at the same time she is the most ideal. No one knows James Davisson better than his wife.

“It was just you,” she answers coldly.

Eric’s lips go into a grim line as he shakes his head, “I think you’re lying.”

His mother stops at that, her hands gripping the kitchen counter as her knuckles whiten.

“He misses you. He wants to see his granddaughter, whom you’ve kept from us, more or less. Just because he wants you both in his life, in our lives, doesn’t mean he has suddenly convinced himself to approve of your relationship with Brian.”

“I have never kept her from you!” he grits out accusingly, standing at full height to stare her down, “You have always been welcome to see her! You could have seen her at the wedding but you couldn’t stand to see her in such an ‘awful living situation!’”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” she snaps, “I’m tired of talking in English, go away!”

“¡Vamos a hablar en español a continuación!” he retorts, a bit too loudly before noticing his mother’s tears.

“¡Déjame en paz!” she chokes out, dabbing her eyes with her apron, before calming herself down enough to finish putting the plates away, all while Eric stares at her, stunned.

“Mama...” he murmurs, reaching out.

“Vete,” his mom answers in a raspy voice, looking away as she catches his hand in her own, putting a halt to any potential comfort.

And he knows that he won’t get anywhere with her, not now at least. So he steps away and, only letting himself look back once to check on her, he walks out of the kitchen and onto the front porch. Instead of punching the pillar or yelling curse words until a neighbor calls the police, he is distracted by the smell of marijuana instead.

“Sick of the bullshit?” Isobel asks, lighting a fucking bowl on his parents’ front porch.

Eric studies her for a second before looking away, “You could say that.”

Isobel nods before extending the bowl out, “You want a hit?”

Eric lets a scoff out at the offer, “Please. And give my mom more ammunition regarding me as a parent?”

“Your dad signed a petition to legalize medicinal marijuana a couple months ago. It even made the local paper.”

Eric shakes his head and goes over to sit next to her on the porch swing, “Is that what you’re doing? Medicating yourself?”

“Are you judging me?” she questions, eyebrow raised.

Eric shakes his head, “Considering my husband smokes it a few times a week and I join him occasionally, I think it would be hypocritical for me to judge. Although, he isn’t medicating himself. He just enjoys getting high.”

Isobel doesn’t say anything back, just lets the smoke escape through her lips as she exhales. After she takes another hit and breathes out again, she turns to look at him.

“He’d have no reason though, would he? Gossip is that you and him are some kind of power couple, madly in love and taking charge of the world.”

“Gossip with whom?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“People we went to school with who see me on the street. You were one of the most popular topics at the twenty year class reunion too.”

“I don’t think I want to know,” Eric mutters.

“Seventy-five percent of them weren’t homophobic,” she brushes off, “Sure, you had a few of the old jocks that threw out insults at the mere sound of your name but, for the most part, people just wanted to know how if I was still in contact with you. They were impressed by your accomplishments. They also wanted to know how I felt about my high school sweetheart being with a man now.”

Eric nods and looks down at the space between them, “So what did you say?”

Isobel shrugs, “Not much. I was too concerned about my husband fucking another woman behind my back and hitting on Brenda Showalter every time he got up to get drinks.”

Eric bites his lip at that, “Damn...I remember Brenda. She sat in front of me in Calculus. Really smart. Unfortunate headgear braces.”

“She’s pretty hot now,” Isobel informs him, “For someone our age.”

“She had potential,” Eric recalls.

Isobel stares at him for a second and huffs out a laugh, “I still can’t believe you’re gay.”

“Why is it so unbelievable?” he asks her.

She shrugs, “I just never got that vibe from you. You dated girls. You brought home your girlfriend from college for spring break freshman year and I was so jealous. You had no problem getting it up. How does that work, anyway?”

Eric lets out a laugh, “A high sex drive. And it isn’t as if you are that hard to look at.”

“Gee, thanks,” Isobel snorts.

“Besides,” Eric continues, “Whenever I was having a tough time, I would just close my eyes and imagine your brother.”

Isobel recoils at that, “That’s kind of fucked up.”

Eric smirks, “It’s the truth. How is he doing, anyway?”

“Married,” she answers pointedly, “To a woman. They just had their fifth kid.”

“Fifth?” he mouths disbelievingly.

“Fifth,” she confirms, “And they’re happy. He’s a fucking nut for having so many. But hell, who am I to judge? He is managing while I can’t even get my boys to stay with me. They are living with their dad and his bimbo fiance. CJ had no desire to live with me at all. He’s always been close to Clark. But Will, he’s my baby. And he wanted to live with me but he and CJ are so close and I had to let him go-”

And, with that, she drops the pipe on the floor and cries into her hands.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath as he forces himself to put a hand on her back. And he doesn’t know what to do after that.

He is usually less awkward around people who are crying. It is a given that Lily will cry a few times a week so he’s mastered the art of comforting her. Then there are his more sensitive friends like Emmett and Emmett is so approachable to begin with. He has Rick, who is the complete opposite of Emmett, but they are so close and he has seen Rick at his worst. Eric knows how to get him out of his dark periods when his own wife often has a tougher time. And Brian? It’s rare, but he’s seen it happen. And, since he usually knows Brian like the back of his own hand, he knows when to comfort him and when to step back and leave him alone.

He may have been with this woman for two years when she was a girl, but he doesn’t know the first thing about the person Isobel Newsom grew into.

“I wish I would have never met him,” she gasps out, wiping her eyes.

“Then you wouldn’t have your boys,” he reminds her.

“It’s not like I get to see them much anyway,” she mutters.

“You will,” he answers, not knowing whether that is truth or not, “You will and you’ll realize that, even if Clark is a fucking cunt, doesn’t mean he didn’t play an important part in your life.”

She doesn’t answer that, she just looks away as he awkwardly removes his hand from her back and waits before bending down to chuck the bowl out into the yard right as her parents come outside. Isobel stands up when she sees them, smoothing down her skirt as she composes herself. Clara looks at them suspiciously as she sniffs the air.

“You may want to tend to your child,” Clara says, distaste clear, “I, for one, taught my children to be seen but not heard.”

“Just another lesson I can learn from you, Mrs. Newsom,” Eric winks before standing up, giving a nod to Isobel, and leaving them on the porch without so much as a goodbye.

When he heads back into the house, it’s relatively quiet. The only sound heard is the C scale on repetition. His mother is nowhere to be found in the kitchen. He ends up finding his father in the sunroom, reading some Vietnam book, which does surprise Eric since his father tended to avoid talking about the war when he was growing up. He can see why. Leaving your wife and firstborn to ship off to a war you don’t even know whether or not you agree with would upset Eric too.

“Find any discrepancies?” he asks him, standing in the doorway.

His dad looks confused for a second before looking down at the book, “A few. It romanticizes a few aspects that shouldn’t be romanticized.”

Eric nods, “You never told me about your time there.”

His dad stares at him, then shakes his head, “And I don’t plan to. The past is in the past. Leave it at that.”

Eric lets out a sigh and suddenly doesn’t know what to do with his hands or legs. He just stands there, waiting for some kind of prompt.

“What, Eric?” his dad finally asks, annoyed.

“Did you...Were you…” Eric starts, only to back up then give up, “...Nevermind. Goodnight.”

The other man studies him for a second before looking away, “Goodnight.”

Eric starts to back out of the sunroom before he is stopped.

“Eric?”

Eric steps back in, “Yeah?”

“I don’t want to see your mother upset for the rest of your visit, do you hear me?” his dad warns. And that’s what it is. A warning.

“She-,” Eric starts, emotions starting to run high.

“Is your mother,” his dad barks out, “And she’s my wife.”

“Then she needs to get over the fact that I’m with Brian!” he explodes, “I’m sorry that I made her cry, I really am, but she did the same fucking thing to me when she told me she wasn’t coming to my wedding! So you can sit there, knowing the things she said to me, but just because she got upset by me trying to talk to her about it, I get scolded for it?”

“Let it go!” his father snarls, “I’ll deal with your mother if a rough patch comes up but don’t purposely go out of your way to stir things up.”

Eric stays silent for a few moments, willing himself to calm down.

“...I always wanted to make her happy,” he finally responds, “I...I didn’t turn gay to upset her or to upset you. I’ve...I’ve always been like this. It just took me a little longer to say it. I wanted to make you both proud but I couldn’t hide it any longer. Sneaking around was killing me.”

He closes his eyes as he waits for his father’s response and only opens them when he realizes he isn’t going to get one. When his father comes into, he can see the man blinking, as if he’s blinking moisture out of his eyes. That’s what he would interpret if anyone else looked like his father does in this moment. But it’s his dad. His dad isn’t like that.

“I’m sorry she’s upset,” he rasps out, “Let her know that didn’t mean to lose my temper with her. Goodnight.”

When he goes to the living room, he finds Lily curled up, asleep, on the piano bench, Letting out a watery chuckle, he picks the little girl up and holds her close as she comes to.

“Papa?” she asks, rubbing her eyes, “Where did you go?”

“Outside for a little bit,” he shrugs, “Did you put on a nice concert?”

Lily nods before putting her head on his shoulder, “I did, Papa. The best.”

“Sorry I missed it,” he tells her, kissing her hair, “Ready for bed?”

He takes Lily’s lack of answer as a yes then carries her upstairs to help her get ready to get tucked in. He thinks about putting her in Amanda’s old room but worries she may wake up confused, afraid, and alone. So he tucks her in next to him and, as he holds her next to him, he knows he really didn’t want to be alone either.

Even though it is only 8:30, he needs to sleep desperately. But he also knows Brian will be worried if he doesn’t give him a call. Besides, the man needs to know where they are at. He knows he did wrong by not discussing it with him in the first place.

Also, he could really do with hearing his husband’s voice.

Taking a deep breath, he dials Brian’s cell and waits for him to pick up. He worries that he won’t, that he’s busy with something or has his phone on silent. But, after four rings, Brian’s drunken voice over the phone.

“Hello, my love!” Brian slurs out, “How are you doing on this fine evening?

He feels a lump in his throat form and can’t even bring himself to answer.

“Eric?” Brian asks, a little concerned now, “Everything okay?”

“Uh...yeah,” Eric breathes out, “I...I just called to tell you something.”

“...What is it?” Brian inquires, waiting.

Eric inhales and tries to be casual.

“Work ended a little early. I have everything I need to do with this project done, at least for a while. I guess my workaholic ways paid off.”

“That’s good,” Brian answers, “You sound off though. What’s the matter?”

Eric breathes for a moment, trying to think of the best approach to admit what he had done, before just letting himself say it.

“I...I needed to visit my parents,” Eric finally answers, “I don’t know if it was talking about them last weekend or just a conversation I had with Lily. But I drove to North Carolina. Lily and I are staying here overnight. Fuck, Brian. I don’t know what I expected. I just know that I needed to hear your voice.”

Brian is silent over the line, except for his breathing. Then, he isn’t.

“Have they said anything to you?” Brian asks him, “Are they upsetting you?”

“No...I don’t know,” he cracks, face crumpling.

“Shhhhh,” Brian tries to soothe over the line, “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Eric wipes his eyes and sniffles, “I’m just really tired.”

“I bet,” Brian murmurs, “Lie down. I’ll stay on the phone with you. Just close your eyes. We’ll talk more once you get some sleep.”

“I heard Emmett,” Eric yawns out, “Are you bein’ a sap in front of him?”

Brian scoffs, “Yeah, right. And give Mr. Romantic that kind of satisfaction? I made him go inside. I am too buzzed to get out of his hammock.”

Eric hums out an amused sound as his eyes fight to stay opened, “Keep talkin’.”

And he does. Eric doesn’t hear all of it, just catches random words like, “drama princess” and “Lily” and “I promise” and “love.” He can’t string any of it together to make sense of it. But that's okay because the last thing he hears before he falls asleep is Brian’s voice and that’s good enough for him.